I go through life disappointed. Disappointed in myself and others but mainly with myself. I've blogged before about givers and takers and lack of post from the UK since moving here.
I aim too high, I set my standards to high and I fall, every bloody time. I won't learn, I can't change, but I am learning not to let it affect me like it used to.
Now I have a little rant, I have a little cry, sometimes I tweet it, but I no longer challenge.
I find if I dare to complain, tell someone that their reaction to my well thought out intentions has hurt me or explain why their actions or words have upset me, it ends up with them verbally attacking me, explaining how my expectations make them feel and why I make them behave the way they do towards me and I end up apologing for making them feel like that. And the issue of how I felt is left, undiscussed. But at least they feel better.
My biggest problem is I offer help/support/guidance when I see or hear them in trouble or when they post a comment or when I'm told by a third party something is wrong and they need help. But I do it in my way, not they way they want apparently. I spend my time looking for the right gift rather than just chucking money their way, I write what I think they want/need to hear and until they say my advice/help/support/guidance/gifts aren't wanted I just carry on blindly.
Since moving to South Africa I've discovered who/what is important to me, I've got rid of some deadwood, hangers on/takers. I've done this as a response from all the lovely letters, emergency PG Tips parcels, phone calls, personal messages, skype calls, emails and mostly but not entirely from people I've never even met. (Isn't twitter a wonderful place)
But what I've noticed and what has upset me the most is while people feel they can have a go at me because I'm not writing enough, I'm not making enough calls. Calls are expensive, the internet doesn't always work. I've sent photo's, gifts and long letters, I ask them questions about their lives, jobs, kids to give them something to reply to. But then they don't write back, evderyone loves to hear from me, everyone loves the photos's, the gifts, the letters. They don't reply, they've got nothing to say, they don't say thanks, they don't post a message to say I got your gift and thank you. I post comments on their face book, I reply to their status updates and the most I get back is a 'like'.
So no more, you reply to me I'll reply to you, you bother with me and I'll bother with you, that's how it works, it doesn't have to be a letter or a call it could just me a message to me, rather than posting your general news in my timeline or public announcements on face book.
So when you don't get a card for your birthday or at christmas and I don't pop in and say Hi when I return to the UK in December, it'll be your turn to be disappointed, your turn to wonder what you've done wrong and I won't be engaging in a conversation with you either so you can feel better.....it'll be your turn to wonder why?
Saturday, 30 July 2011
Why is it only me?
I lay in bed this morning with a cup of tea and The World according to Clarkson (seperate story but a bloody good book, had me in stitches)
We have a washing machine that sings when it finishes, a little similar to 'It's a mad, mad world after all' Think theme parks, kiddie rides, Euro Disney, thats the one. Anyway it plays at least three verses, now I heard it singing to signal the end of the cycle, pestering to be hung up.
But it seems the washing machine sound is similar to a dog whistle. Only dogs can hear the whistle only women can hear the washing machine.
So getting out of bed, I open the bedroom door, walk through the dining area, past the lounge where the men folk are watching the Rugby, through the kitchen, open the door to the utility room where I find the washing machine just finishing its little tune and hang the washing up.
I walk back following the same route for hubby to say 'what you doing?' I reply 'I'm hanging the washing up' he says 'Oh I never heard it finish' I was waiting to do that for you'
Men!!!! Pah!!!!
We have a washing machine that sings when it finishes, a little similar to 'It's a mad, mad world after all' Think theme parks, kiddie rides, Euro Disney, thats the one. Anyway it plays at least three verses, now I heard it singing to signal the end of the cycle, pestering to be hung up.
But it seems the washing machine sound is similar to a dog whistle. Only dogs can hear the whistle only women can hear the washing machine.
So getting out of bed, I open the bedroom door, walk through the dining area, past the lounge where the men folk are watching the Rugby, through the kitchen, open the door to the utility room where I find the washing machine just finishing its little tune and hang the washing up.
I walk back following the same route for hubby to say 'what you doing?' I reply 'I'm hanging the washing up' he says 'Oh I never heard it finish' I was waiting to do that for you'
Men!!!! Pah!!!!
Two things your children should never listen to
Their parents having sex and any discussions that involve planning. So far I think we've avoided both.
Kids we're moving to Malvern, yes, yes new schools, friends, clubs,activities etc. School, clubs and activites named....(obviously I can't name the new friends in advance)
This is the new house and these are the rooms you'll be in.
We're changing your school, you will now be going here...for the following reasons (there is a list)
You will be leaving home at 18 to follow a career, you're welcome to stay living here is you're either in University or can evidence you're saving up a deposit from your job for your own place. You're welcome to come home inbetween jobs, training, education for transistion periods (so far two children sucessfully left home both in training, one in the army in Germany the other in Hotel Management in Reading.)
Kids we're moving to South Africa in 3 months, this is your new school and we'll make the rest up as we go along.
And so far, no major problems, 'his room is bigger than my room' 'yes but you have a better bathroom than he does' 'I hate my new school uniform (shorts and long socks) 'OK so do I actually and I know wearing shorts at 16 is a tad embarrassing, but hey, everyone else is wearing the same silly clothes'
But the one thing as parents we can't manage, the one thing that ends up with sulks, rows 'I'm not going' is planning the family holiday.
We let it slip (OK they pester all year to find out where we're going) we've been to the States, Turkey, Tunisia, Egypt, Gites in France when they were younger. 5 kids in tow is a major operation. One is disabled the other four are boys they all have their preferences, one wants theme parks, the other wants bloody electronic and game shops, one wants to dig a hole in the sand all day and do nothing else and the other just shrugs and says 'don't ask me, I like it when you just plan it and tell us when and where'
And this year is no different, we always leave the planning of holidays till the last minute, something always comes up, I've written the end of terms dates down wrong, their Dads factory fortnight holiday has been changed, Nanna is going away somewhere and we have to juggle everyone to fit it all in. But this year we decided not to have a holiday as we're living in SOuth Africa, but Hubby has to go to Europe with work and is going to tag on a few days to see the kids we left behind. The eldsest is off to Mozambique for a week with his friend and his parents (Must sort out his visa, it's only next weekend) so that leaves me and the 12 year old. I want to return to the UK for a week, hubby says it's too expensive, eldest says it's not fair as he will miss a visit with his dad and the youngest, who is 12, cannot understand why we are speaking in whispers in the kitchen.
Because if we tell him our plans he'll go beserk if we end up not being able to go, blame the eldest for feeling left out, blame hubby for being tight and quite frankly that's why we don't discuss things with our kids.
Kids we're moving to Malvern, yes, yes new schools, friends, clubs,activities etc. School, clubs and activites named....(obviously I can't name the new friends in advance)
This is the new house and these are the rooms you'll be in.
We're changing your school, you will now be going here...for the following reasons (there is a list)
You will be leaving home at 18 to follow a career, you're welcome to stay living here is you're either in University or can evidence you're saving up a deposit from your job for your own place. You're welcome to come home inbetween jobs, training, education for transistion periods (so far two children sucessfully left home both in training, one in the army in Germany the other in Hotel Management in Reading.)
Kids we're moving to South Africa in 3 months, this is your new school and we'll make the rest up as we go along.
And so far, no major problems, 'his room is bigger than my room' 'yes but you have a better bathroom than he does' 'I hate my new school uniform (shorts and long socks) 'OK so do I actually and I know wearing shorts at 16 is a tad embarrassing, but hey, everyone else is wearing the same silly clothes'
But the one thing as parents we can't manage, the one thing that ends up with sulks, rows 'I'm not going' is planning the family holiday.
We let it slip (OK they pester all year to find out where we're going) we've been to the States, Turkey, Tunisia, Egypt, Gites in France when they were younger. 5 kids in tow is a major operation. One is disabled the other four are boys they all have their preferences, one wants theme parks, the other wants bloody electronic and game shops, one wants to dig a hole in the sand all day and do nothing else and the other just shrugs and says 'don't ask me, I like it when you just plan it and tell us when and where'
And this year is no different, we always leave the planning of holidays till the last minute, something always comes up, I've written the end of terms dates down wrong, their Dads factory fortnight holiday has been changed, Nanna is going away somewhere and we have to juggle everyone to fit it all in. But this year we decided not to have a holiday as we're living in SOuth Africa, but Hubby has to go to Europe with work and is going to tag on a few days to see the kids we left behind. The eldsest is off to Mozambique for a week with his friend and his parents (Must sort out his visa, it's only next weekend) so that leaves me and the 12 year old. I want to return to the UK for a week, hubby says it's too expensive, eldest says it's not fair as he will miss a visit with his dad and the youngest, who is 12, cannot understand why we are speaking in whispers in the kitchen.
Because if we tell him our plans he'll go beserk if we end up not being able to go, blame the eldest for feeling left out, blame hubby for being tight and quite frankly that's why we don't discuss things with our kids.
Thursday, 21 July 2011
in your own time Suzanne........
So today I did it, I've been thinking about it and lots of people have suggested it, I just wasn't ready and besides I wanted to find the right place.
I got off my arse and took my CV to an enterprise centre, it's a charity to help and support Africans in using the skills they have and providing the training they need to run their own businessess.
I'm starting off one day a week in a new area, education and training in Customer Care and basic life skills, managing money, budgeting etc.
I have a skill area, these people have a need and hopefully together (it will be a long slow process) we can both achieve something.
*goes to desk to sort out pre entry NVQ teaching material, with a spring in her step*
I got off my arse and took my CV to an enterprise centre, it's a charity to help and support Africans in using the skills they have and providing the training they need to run their own businessess.
I'm starting off one day a week in a new area, education and training in Customer Care and basic life skills, managing money, budgeting etc.
I have a skill area, these people have a need and hopefully together (it will be a long slow process) we can both achieve something.
*goes to desk to sort out pre entry NVQ teaching material, with a spring in her step*
The grass is always greener
Some of my tweets are replied to with 'stop your moaning, I'd love to be able to give up work and be a SAHM' others with 'I understand things are hard' either way I find myself in a very strange situation.
I'm not allowed to work, but it's through choice.
I chose to come to South Africa with Peter's job, it was a quick move, we hired an agency, I got a two years visitors visa.
Great I can finally sit back and reap the benefits of being a SAHM, I can focus 100% on my OU studies and enjoy the sun.
Ok I'm enjoying the sun and it's winter, I had to give up my studies (there's distance learning and then there's distance learning) and as for being a SAHM I've left it a bit late. My kids are 16 & 12, give them a weekend or school holiday and I'm lucky to see them from dawn till dusk.
I feel isolated, lonely and without purpose. I can revisit my visa situation in December and I've made enquiries with Pretoria uni to finish my degree there, I've considered getting a dog for company and my cooking, baking and making skills are now almost at a professional level, I've refused to hire a maid to give me something to do.
But I still need something to do, something to give me purpose and a focal point, but I haven't a clue where to start.
I made friends in school, college, mother and toddler groups, the kids school, the work place...but how do I make friends now, find things out, get to know what jobs are around, clubs activities? (remember I don't live in the safest of countries)
I'd love to hear from other people in similar situations.
We're not on an ex pat package or even emigrated, but we have moved our entire life over here with no plans to return.
I'm not allowed to work, but it's through choice.
I chose to come to South Africa with Peter's job, it was a quick move, we hired an agency, I got a two years visitors visa.
Great I can finally sit back and reap the benefits of being a SAHM, I can focus 100% on my OU studies and enjoy the sun.
Ok I'm enjoying the sun and it's winter, I had to give up my studies (there's distance learning and then there's distance learning) and as for being a SAHM I've left it a bit late. My kids are 16 & 12, give them a weekend or school holiday and I'm lucky to see them from dawn till dusk.
I feel isolated, lonely and without purpose. I can revisit my visa situation in December and I've made enquiries with Pretoria uni to finish my degree there, I've considered getting a dog for company and my cooking, baking and making skills are now almost at a professional level, I've refused to hire a maid to give me something to do.
But I still need something to do, something to give me purpose and a focal point, but I haven't a clue where to start.
I made friends in school, college, mother and toddler groups, the kids school, the work place...but how do I make friends now, find things out, get to know what jobs are around, clubs activities? (remember I don't live in the safest of countries)
I'd love to hear from other people in similar situations.
We're not on an ex pat package or even emigrated, but we have moved our entire life over here with no plans to return.
Wednesday, 20 July 2011
Peter gets a statement to pay for his credit card. Can you pay this for me? Yeah no problem, I took care of the bills in the UK mainly cos I was passing the banks most days and worked in the centre of Worcester. So my role continues here in South Africa especially as I'm not working.
But the problem is because I don't have a job I can't have anything in my own name, but even so how hard is it to pay a credit card bill? Well it goes like this.
Who's the credit card with? Our med aid company *digs out med aid info* sets up online service.
1st problem the med aid company information assumes I've used med aid before.
So I go to our bank. We need to set them up as a beneficiary, ok I can do that. Beneficary is similar to a direct debit but it doesn't automatically take a payment monthly you have to action it.
So I sign in, go to beneficiaries. It asks for a branch and account number. I don't have one. Email med aid company for info, no response. How am I supposed to know the med aid and the credit card departments are separate companies. Silly girl I assumed they'd either a) tell me this or b) pass the email on.
So back to online banking to set up credit card payment. It sends Reference number to the mobile phone, need to call Peter to ask him for the number as it's his phone it's sent to. This is a security measure.
Next they want to know beneficiary bank. How the fuck am I supposed to know that? Oh hang on I remember now, when I changed email address so I get notification of payment due it told me details with the bank (which it named) would not be altered. So I put their name in which then took me to the next step for credit card number, another phone call to Peter, right now to make payment, request proof of payment and wait for Peter to call to say he'd received SMS confirmation payment had been made.
Now going to have to wait to see if we've just paid ourselves or actually paid the bank.
But the problem is because I don't have a job I can't have anything in my own name, but even so how hard is it to pay a credit card bill? Well it goes like this.
Who's the credit card with? Our med aid company *digs out med aid info* sets up online service.
1st problem the med aid company information assumes I've used med aid before.
So I go to our bank. We need to set them up as a beneficiary, ok I can do that. Beneficary is similar to a direct debit but it doesn't automatically take a payment monthly you have to action it.
So I sign in, go to beneficiaries. It asks for a branch and account number. I don't have one. Email med aid company for info, no response. How am I supposed to know the med aid and the credit card departments are separate companies. Silly girl I assumed they'd either a) tell me this or b) pass the email on.
So back to online banking to set up credit card payment. It sends Reference number to the mobile phone, need to call Peter to ask him for the number as it's his phone it's sent to. This is a security measure.
Next they want to know beneficiary bank. How the fuck am I supposed to know that? Oh hang on I remember now, when I changed email address so I get notification of payment due it told me details with the bank (which it named) would not be altered. So I put their name in which then took me to the next step for credit card number, another phone call to Peter, right now to make payment, request proof of payment and wait for Peter to call to say he'd received SMS confirmation payment had been made.
Now going to have to wait to see if we've just paid ourselves or actually paid the bank.
6 months on
6 months ago today we arrived at OR Tambo to start our new lives in South Africa. You can read about how we came to be here on previous blogs.
'So what's it like?'
'Have you settled?'
Well I still find this a strange sight on the school run.
I've got used to the Robots not working and pleasantly surprised how everyone handles it when they become a 4 way stop...see I'm not calling them traffic lights anymore.
I don't notice this anymore either.
but I'm still amazed that more people don't get killed on the roads daily when they cross the motorway whilst I'm driving at 120kilos...ha not even miles per hour anymore either.
I've stopped converting Rand into Pound, but I haven't stopped saying 'how much?' at the price of some things.
I say Dankie automatically and even reply in English to people when they great me in Afrikaans.
I've stopped saying to the locals 'Pah!!!! call this winter?' and I'm now wrapped up like the rest of them even when it's 18c outside.
We've had loads of visitors and I've done the local sights to death, I can take you to the best place to see what ever African animal you want and know their preferred hiding places and best time of day to see them. I know where the best coffee and souviner shops are and have even found a charity shop to buy books and donate stuff visitors leave behind.
...and I've seen enough of these to last me a lifetime.
'So what's it like?'
'Have you settled?'
Well I still find this a strange sight on the school run.
I've got used to the Robots not working and pleasantly surprised how everyone handles it when they become a 4 way stop...see I'm not calling them traffic lights anymore.
I don't notice this anymore either.
but I'm still amazed that more people don't get killed on the roads daily when they cross the motorway whilst I'm driving at 120kilos...ha not even miles per hour anymore either.
I've stopped converting Rand into Pound, but I haven't stopped saying 'how much?' at the price of some things.
I say Dankie automatically and even reply in English to people when they great me in Afrikaans.
I've stopped saying to the locals 'Pah!!!! call this winter?' and I'm now wrapped up like the rest of them even when it's 18c outside.
We've had loads of visitors and I've done the local sights to death, I can take you to the best place to see what ever African animal you want and know their preferred hiding places and best time of day to see them. I know where the best coffee and souviner shops are and have even found a charity shop to buy books and donate stuff visitors leave behind.
...and I've seen enough of these to last me a lifetime.
Sunday, 10 July 2011
Actually I was hoping for a pony.
When I was pregnant every person in the world thought it was right to comment on my pregnancy at any time of their choosing.
'Is this your first?'
'What do you want?'
Well I assume they meant boy or girl, but had much more fun with 'well actually I was hoping for a pony'
Automatic touching of my bump, without seeking approval and on one occassion whilst out, my t shirt was lifted prior to the belly rub.
Then the endless 'horror' stories, labour lasting 3 days, how pain relief doesn't work and even critism for saying you'll have pain relief. 'oh well done you for subjecting yourself to unnecessary pain then forcing the whole story upon us'
Stitches? how many? intimate details and shown 'C'section scars without requesting to see them.
Antenatal classes, birthing partners 'so you're a single mum?' you'll never cope' 'you're too young' the look was enough without the additional comments.
Expert advice 'It's a girl, its all round the front and such a neat bump (3 boys all carried the same)
'Wow 8lb 5oz, you must have been ripped to shreds?'
2nd and 3rd pregnancies just got worse.
'You trying for a girl?' 'one of each would complete your family' 'oh a girl this time...the perfect family'
16 years ago I wasn't given the option to know the sex of my baby and anyway to me that would be like having the gifts unwrapped under the tree all year then acting with fake surprise.
'Oh..another boy, you can always try again'
3rd Pregnancy 'do you want to know the sex this time?'
What ever answer I gave I was a goner
'You must want a girl'
and when I replied 'I'm not fussed...I'd rather have a pony' this was met with 'oh dear, she wants a girl'
So I said 'what happens if I ask and they tell me it's a boy? Do I abort? how do I explain to my other 2 boys that they're not really wanted and I'll just keep on trying till I get a girl?'
So now 12 years on and my boys are 19, 16 and 12 I'm still asked if I regret not having a girl...it wasn't actually a choice I could make and no I don't. So if I say 'no I don't regret it' its greated with those looks and comments that say 'it's too painful to talk about' or if I were to reply 'yes I regret not having a girl' I don't want years of pity for something just to shut them up and make them feel better.
Oh and don't forget the second marriage, we chose not to have children together as between us we had 5, the eldest being a daughter but profoundly disabled...see I can't even get that right, but it still didn't stop the comments of 'but it would make your family complete' and 'hubby could have a second chance of a normal daughter and you the daughter you deserve'
So I guess I'm stuck, but hey I've got one thing to look forward to at least...
I can always hope for granddaughters...and yes that's actually been said to me also.
'Is this your first?'
'What do you want?'
Well I assume they meant boy or girl, but had much more fun with 'well actually I was hoping for a pony'
Automatic touching of my bump, without seeking approval and on one occassion whilst out, my t shirt was lifted prior to the belly rub.
Then the endless 'horror' stories, labour lasting 3 days, how pain relief doesn't work and even critism for saying you'll have pain relief. 'oh well done you for subjecting yourself to unnecessary pain then forcing the whole story upon us'
Stitches? how many? intimate details and shown 'C'section scars without requesting to see them.
Antenatal classes, birthing partners 'so you're a single mum?' you'll never cope' 'you're too young' the look was enough without the additional comments.
Expert advice 'It's a girl, its all round the front and such a neat bump (3 boys all carried the same)
'Wow 8lb 5oz, you must have been ripped to shreds?'
2nd and 3rd pregnancies just got worse.
'You trying for a girl?' 'one of each would complete your family' 'oh a girl this time...the perfect family'
16 years ago I wasn't given the option to know the sex of my baby and anyway to me that would be like having the gifts unwrapped under the tree all year then acting with fake surprise.
'Oh..another boy, you can always try again'
3rd Pregnancy 'do you want to know the sex this time?'
What ever answer I gave I was a goner
'You must want a girl'
and when I replied 'I'm not fussed...I'd rather have a pony' this was met with 'oh dear, she wants a girl'
So I said 'what happens if I ask and they tell me it's a boy? Do I abort? how do I explain to my other 2 boys that they're not really wanted and I'll just keep on trying till I get a girl?'
So now 12 years on and my boys are 19, 16 and 12 I'm still asked if I regret not having a girl...it wasn't actually a choice I could make and no I don't. So if I say 'no I don't regret it' its greated with those looks and comments that say 'it's too painful to talk about' or if I were to reply 'yes I regret not having a girl' I don't want years of pity for something just to shut them up and make them feel better.
Oh and don't forget the second marriage, we chose not to have children together as between us we had 5, the eldest being a daughter but profoundly disabled...see I can't even get that right, but it still didn't stop the comments of 'but it would make your family complete' and 'hubby could have a second chance of a normal daughter and you the daughter you deserve'
So I guess I'm stuck, but hey I've got one thing to look forward to at least...
I can always hope for granddaughters...and yes that's actually been said to me also.
Sunday, 3 July 2011
Arh I just want a routine
I get so excited about things, I write lists, get distracted and rarely complete things till the last minute.
My parents were here for 3 weeks and although we had a fab time I know we all ended up getting on one another's nerves. They like their routine and I felt mine was interrupted. Then they went home on Wednesday, I sighed with relief, I get my routine back....then what did I do for two days?...I slept, I read books, I mopped about feeling a little lost.
I woke up full of energy this morning, with a list of all the things I needed/wanted to do before Peter's mother and sister arrive tomorrow morning. I was off...not dressed...but getting on with it.
'muuuuum' screamed Alex 'there's a flood'
Well bugger me, there goes my day. Water was pouring through the ceiling in the back kitchen. Panic followed, we finally located the stock cock, and I called the agent who sent the plumber round. Well half an hour later, the burst water pipe (frost damage) was repaired, I administered 1st aid as the plumber smacked his head on the roof joist and ripped his trousers and we spent the next 3 hrs mopping, cleaning cupboards and drying electrical items. Food shopping, haircut and car cleaned we returned home to put up curtain rails, repair the sofa, move Dan into the downstairs lounge, make beds, wash and dry towels, have tea and then clean.
I'm knackered now and regretting the two wasted days, but I obviously needed them or I don't think I'd have made it through the day.
And tomorrow, my routine changes again for 2 weeks....but I think ive discovered what my routine is...
...the ability to adapt and change.
My parents were here for 3 weeks and although we had a fab time I know we all ended up getting on one another's nerves. They like their routine and I felt mine was interrupted. Then they went home on Wednesday, I sighed with relief, I get my routine back....then what did I do for two days?...I slept, I read books, I mopped about feeling a little lost.
I woke up full of energy this morning, with a list of all the things I needed/wanted to do before Peter's mother and sister arrive tomorrow morning. I was off...not dressed...but getting on with it.
'muuuuum' screamed Alex 'there's a flood'
Well bugger me, there goes my day. Water was pouring through the ceiling in the back kitchen. Panic followed, we finally located the stock cock, and I called the agent who sent the plumber round. Well half an hour later, the burst water pipe (frost damage) was repaired, I administered 1st aid as the plumber smacked his head on the roof joist and ripped his trousers and we spent the next 3 hrs mopping, cleaning cupboards and drying electrical items. Food shopping, haircut and car cleaned we returned home to put up curtain rails, repair the sofa, move Dan into the downstairs lounge, make beds, wash and dry towels, have tea and then clean.
I'm knackered now and regretting the two wasted days, but I obviously needed them or I don't think I'd have made it through the day.
And tomorrow, my routine changes again for 2 weeks....but I think ive discovered what my routine is...
...the ability to adapt and change.
Friday, 1 July 2011
Welcome to the other side
I'm here, I'm 40 and not even a single hair sprouting on my face, the grey hairs have been with me for at least a decade now, but who cares?...do I?
I can't believe I'm all grown up, an adult, ffs I have an adult child living in another country from me...I don't look old enough, why thank you, I was 20 and probably wasn't old enough.
I have 2 step children and I discoverd about 4 years ago that people stopped saying (with surprise in their voice) 'oh you don't look old enough' and reality kicks in.
Who gave me all this responsibilty, a career, a family, a husband, (2nd one) and a mortgage, let me sit on the PTA and make decisions about other peoples children, or even worse gave me a job with proper responsibilities Safeguarding other peoples children?
I suppose I should thank the midwife when I had my first child 19 years ago when she said....'I'm going off shift now, ring the bell if you need anything'
Ring the effing bell????? Where's my manual for all of this? It's not just changing a nappy or feeding and settling a crying baby, but what next? what happens now? Oh I see I just get on with it.
And I did.
I've made mistakes, wrong decisions, my kids are all growing up now and don't need me as a Mummy like they used to, they sleep through the night. I'm staying up now, not to make sure they've come home but to check they've locked the bloody door after themselves. I act as a taxi driver, a counsellor, a bank, I administer first aid 'nah, you'll be alright, get on with it' and I have a life....
...I'm just not sure I'll ever be ready for it.
I can't believe I'm all grown up, an adult, ffs I have an adult child living in another country from me...I don't look old enough, why thank you, I was 20 and probably wasn't old enough.
I have 2 step children and I discoverd about 4 years ago that people stopped saying (with surprise in their voice) 'oh you don't look old enough' and reality kicks in.
Who gave me all this responsibilty, a career, a family, a husband, (2nd one) and a mortgage, let me sit on the PTA and make decisions about other peoples children, or even worse gave me a job with proper responsibilities Safeguarding other peoples children?
I suppose I should thank the midwife when I had my first child 19 years ago when she said....'I'm going off shift now, ring the bell if you need anything'
Ring the effing bell????? Where's my manual for all of this? It's not just changing a nappy or feeding and settling a crying baby, but what next? what happens now? Oh I see I just get on with it.
And I did.
I've made mistakes, wrong decisions, my kids are all growing up now and don't need me as a Mummy like they used to, they sleep through the night. I'm staying up now, not to make sure they've come home but to check they've locked the bloody door after themselves. I act as a taxi driver, a counsellor, a bank, I administer first aid 'nah, you'll be alright, get on with it' and I have a life....
...I'm just not sure I'll ever be ready for it.
Life of a non working Mother
My day
Alarm 5.30am stay in bed till hubby yells ‘where would you like your tea?
Stand in kitchen, drinking tea
Yell instructions to kids while drinking tea
Hand kids lunch boxes after locating football boots, grey socks, homework
Kids to school via hubby on his way to work
Put washing machine/dish washer on
Jog/Walk/Exercise DVD
Shower
Dress
Breakfast
Twiddle thumbs till 4pm school collection (tweet, blog, shop, clean, drink coffee)
And then everything comes at once and I don’t sit down till 9pm
Alarm 5.30am stay in bed till hubby yells ‘where would you like your tea?
Stand in kitchen, drinking tea
Yell instructions to kids while drinking tea
Hand kids lunch boxes after locating football boots, grey socks, homework
Kids to school via hubby on his way to work
Put washing machine/dish washer on
Jog/Walk/Exercise DVD
Shower
Dress
Breakfast
Twiddle thumbs till 4pm school collection (tweet, blog, shop, clean, drink coffee)
And then everything comes at once and I don’t sit down till 9pm
What's a CRB?
Well yes actually I know what a CRB is. I used to work for the local FA as a Welfare Officer, tasked with reaching 100's of 1'000s of people volunteering in Youth football without any police or club checks. 90% were parents giving up their spare time to support their son/daughter's club from coaching to making teas to sitting on the committee. Not all roles require a CRB for example running the line at a match...you're not left unsupervised and the ref has a CRB (assuming he's over 18) and the two team coaches have CRB's and maybe one or two other parents if they help out...anyway it's a complicated process, helped by volunteer Welfare Officers, one for each club, who provide a list of names of all coaches and adults involved in footall within their club and their CRB status is checked online...
So what happens here in South Africa?...
Well I can't find a link on the school web page or SAFA website, there are Mission Statements and Codes of Conduct, but nothing clearly labelled as 'Child Protection/Welfare'
I was able to host two children over night from a visiting school without so much as filling in a form, mind you the school knew I must've cleared a police check to get my visa in the first place.
I was reading a magazine www.people.co.za in the hairdressers when I came across the 'Find a Pen Friend' page....
I was shocked, I was alarmed, seriously..there was a 12 year old boy wanting a penfriend, he listed his interests, name and email address and the other was a 16 year old girl who left her mobile phone number as a contact...
Can you imagine the uproar in the UK, how the media would react to this or do you think possibly that the UK are overdoing it a bit? after all even with all these people out there and CRB's and Police Checks and Multi agency working, there are still horror stories everyday of paedophiles who slipped the net.
So what happens here in South Africa?...
Well I can't find a link on the school web page or SAFA website, there are Mission Statements and Codes of Conduct, but nothing clearly labelled as 'Child Protection/Welfare'
I was able to host two children over night from a visiting school without so much as filling in a form, mind you the school knew I must've cleared a police check to get my visa in the first place.
I was reading a magazine www.people.co.za in the hairdressers when I came across the 'Find a Pen Friend' page....
I was shocked, I was alarmed, seriously..there was a 12 year old boy wanting a penfriend, he listed his interests, name and email address and the other was a 16 year old girl who left her mobile phone number as a contact...
Can you imagine the uproar in the UK, how the media would react to this or do you think possibly that the UK are overdoing it a bit? after all even with all these people out there and CRB's and Police Checks and Multi agency working, there are still horror stories everyday of paedophiles who slipped the net.
It says E-tags and Cash only
I blogged and tweeted how I felt OUTsurance had let me down with an insurance claim and they decided to review my case and pay out (see previous blog) so I decided to redress the balance and tell you about the time, last month, I had a blow out whilst driving home from Pilanensburg late one evening.
I was with a colleague of Peter's and offered to take him on Safari, Pilanensburg is a 2 hour drive from us, a trip I'd done twice before with the family.
At 8pm in the dark, the rear drivers side tyre blew, I was travelling in the outside lane at 120km/per hour and I reacted well, avoiding the traffic as I came to a halt on the hard shoulder...
My mobile had run out of talk time so using my friends phone I called OUTsurance, typical, being a Danish phone it wouldn't dial a free phone number so I rang Peter with our details, he called OUTsurance who rang me back straight away...
'Where are you?'
'I'm at a toll on the N1 north of Pretoria'
'Are you alone?'
'No, I am with a male friend and the toll booth security people have sent someone to wait with us'
'OK I'll get Premier Tow with you within 33 minutes ma'am, can you tell me your exact location?'
'I'm sorry there's no signs'
'OK, what does it say on the toll sign?'
Honestly I was in hysterics with my answer, so was my friend...
'It says E-tags and Cash Only...does that help?'
The poor guy was laughing ' no ma'am that doesn't help...use your GPS to find out where you are'
So Premier Tow arrive within 33 minutes, park behind me, set up 3 cones by the wheel and starts to change the tyre...
OUTsurance ring me to check he has arrived, text me several times to confirm I am still OK, the toll guy drives off after establishing we weren't really having a picnic as my friend told him when he asked why we were sitting on the bank at this time of night in the dark and my friend has made Precision Tow, move his car back on an angle, put up the warning triangle much further dowen the road and moved the cones where they were more effective.
So thank you OUTsurance for making my breakdown a pleasurable experience.
I was with a colleague of Peter's and offered to take him on Safari, Pilanensburg is a 2 hour drive from us, a trip I'd done twice before with the family.
At 8pm in the dark, the rear drivers side tyre blew, I was travelling in the outside lane at 120km/per hour and I reacted well, avoiding the traffic as I came to a halt on the hard shoulder...
My mobile had run out of talk time so using my friends phone I called OUTsurance, typical, being a Danish phone it wouldn't dial a free phone number so I rang Peter with our details, he called OUTsurance who rang me back straight away...
'Where are you?'
'I'm at a toll on the N1 north of Pretoria'
'Are you alone?'
'No, I am with a male friend and the toll booth security people have sent someone to wait with us'
'OK I'll get Premier Tow with you within 33 minutes ma'am, can you tell me your exact location?'
'I'm sorry there's no signs'
'OK, what does it say on the toll sign?'
Honestly I was in hysterics with my answer, so was my friend...
'It says E-tags and Cash Only...does that help?'
The poor guy was laughing ' no ma'am that doesn't help...use your GPS to find out where you are'
So Premier Tow arrive within 33 minutes, park behind me, set up 3 cones by the wheel and starts to change the tyre...
OUTsurance ring me to check he has arrived, text me several times to confirm I am still OK, the toll guy drives off after establishing we weren't really having a picnic as my friend told him when he asked why we were sitting on the bank at this time of night in the dark and my friend has made Precision Tow, move his car back on an angle, put up the warning triangle much further dowen the road and moved the cones where they were more effective.
So thank you OUTsurance for making my breakdown a pleasurable experience.
Thursday, 23 June 2011
My letter to OUTsurance
I object to your rejection letter for a claim for a camera and GPS stolen from my vehicle.
I acknowledge there was no visable sign of break in to the vehicle, this is because I was stood at the boot of the vehicle loading shopping when someone entered the car via the front door and removed the items from the centre console. I was not threatened either, but I was informed that if I had the items next to me on a cafe table and someone walked past and picked them up I would have been covered as there may be CCTV to evidence this.
To unlock my boot I am required to press the button twice which then unlocks all the doors. How I am supposed to take any other action to protect the contents of my vehicle when I am stood there?
Are you seriously suggesting that I challenge anyone that wants to take any thing from me and risk having a gun drawn to my head? Should I next time ask the peron who is stealing my personal items if they wouldn't mind smashing the glass next time so I can make a claim?
i don't want to recieve a cut and paste terms and conditions of policy as a standard reply. I would like a full explanation as to what you expect me to do in a situation like this or I cannot see the need for having contents insurance with you.
I acknowledge there was no visable sign of break in to the vehicle, this is because I was stood at the boot of the vehicle loading shopping when someone entered the car via the front door and removed the items from the centre console. I was not threatened either, but I was informed that if I had the items next to me on a cafe table and someone walked past and picked them up I would have been covered as there may be CCTV to evidence this.
To unlock my boot I am required to press the button twice which then unlocks all the doors. How I am supposed to take any other action to protect the contents of my vehicle when I am stood there?
Are you seriously suggesting that I challenge anyone that wants to take any thing from me and risk having a gun drawn to my head? Should I next time ask the peron who is stealing my personal items if they wouldn't mind smashing the glass next time so I can make a claim?
i don't want to recieve a cut and paste terms and conditions of policy as a standard reply. I would like a full explanation as to what you expect me to do in a situation like this or I cannot see the need for having contents insurance with you.
Living in Utopia...Part Two
There’s been a spate of burglaries in the security estate, an inside job, someone renting a property just to ‘case’ the joint or a member of the golf club...They stole the next door neighbours safe...it was concreted into the wall, they must have brought heavy equipment...we never heard a bloody thing...they broke into one house and stole 1,000s of £££’s of designer clothing, handbags and shoes and 7 other houses. The Home Owner Association sent out regular emails in regards to these ‘incidents’ warning us to take extra security measures.
Two days after my parents arrived, I received another email telling me of another ‘incident’...so popping off to the neighbours house at the end of the street, I discover 3 Protea coin security guards stood outside their house, I enter, there’s a birthday party going on, Alex is there playing pool and being fed, as happens every weekend and the owners are drinking wine. I’m offered a drink, I decline...pleasantries are exchanged, I’ve not met them before...phone numbers swopped...questions about why we are in SA and are we liking it...then...
...I’m told how the maid answered the door at 11am, she was pushed down the stairs, she grabbed the phone, she was hit on the head with the butt of a gun, rolled up in a carpet and held at gun point for 90mins till the burglars had emptied the safes...it took them that long to force them out of the concrete walls and break them open...they stole the keys for the Ferrari and Lamborghini, weren’t able to actually steal them as there was a BMW X5 blocking the way out of the garage (I’m serious)..The maid had kept hold of the phone and hit redial, managing to say what had happened, the owner hearing this call, knew something was wrong, drove 15kms home, he called Estate security on his way, but arrived before security bothered to turn up...the gates hadn’t been closed so the armed robbers were able to get away...the maid was treated in hospital at the expense of the owner and is being taken to trauma counselling...the security firm were replaced the following day for their negligence and the number plate of the vehicle was taken and the police caught them two days later and were able to link them to the other ‘incidents’ that took place...he had obtained/found/bought the magnetic swipe for the estate from a golfing member who has since been banned from the estate for their negligence also...
But what alarms me the most...there was no crime tape, and the owners, although very upset about what had happened to the maid, weren’t upset, not in the way you’d expect them to be in the UK...this would be a major news story, there wasn’t a sign of a media van..just the three additional security guards hired for the rest of the owners life at their own expense...
Do you know what my neighbour said when I told him this, when I explained what the reaction would be in the UK?
Suzanne...This is Africa
Two days after my parents arrived, I received another email telling me of another ‘incident’...so popping off to the neighbours house at the end of the street, I discover 3 Protea coin security guards stood outside their house, I enter, there’s a birthday party going on, Alex is there playing pool and being fed, as happens every weekend and the owners are drinking wine. I’m offered a drink, I decline...pleasantries are exchanged, I’ve not met them before...phone numbers swopped...questions about why we are in SA and are we liking it...then...
...I’m told how the maid answered the door at 11am, she was pushed down the stairs, she grabbed the phone, she was hit on the head with the butt of a gun, rolled up in a carpet and held at gun point for 90mins till the burglars had emptied the safes...it took them that long to force them out of the concrete walls and break them open...they stole the keys for the Ferrari and Lamborghini, weren’t able to actually steal them as there was a BMW X5 blocking the way out of the garage (I’m serious)..The maid had kept hold of the phone and hit redial, managing to say what had happened, the owner hearing this call, knew something was wrong, drove 15kms home, he called Estate security on his way, but arrived before security bothered to turn up...the gates hadn’t been closed so the armed robbers were able to get away...the maid was treated in hospital at the expense of the owner and is being taken to trauma counselling...the security firm were replaced the following day for their negligence and the number plate of the vehicle was taken and the police caught them two days later and were able to link them to the other ‘incidents’ that took place...he had obtained/found/bought the magnetic swipe for the estate from a golfing member who has since been banned from the estate for their negligence also...
But what alarms me the most...there was no crime tape, and the owners, although very upset about what had happened to the maid, weren’t upset, not in the way you’d expect them to be in the UK...this would be a major news story, there wasn’t a sign of a media van..just the three additional security guards hired for the rest of the owners life at their own expense...
Do you know what my neighbour said when I told him this, when I explained what the reaction would be in the UK?
Suzanne...This is Africa
Living in Utopia...part one
The house is fantastic, ok it’s costing us a fortune in rent, but we ‘need’ the security and as I can’t work, why not live in a beautiful setting on a 18 hole golf course, where I can go for a walk in complete safety. I ‘need’ the pool (more of a big bath really) and the steam room and all this space...we could never afford this standard of living in the UK and why not?...we may be here forever, we may decide to go home, we may move somewhere else in a few years...who knows?
We live a 10 minute drive from Rietvlei, http://www.rietvlei-reserve.co.za/index.php?loc=rietvlei_game a small game reserve by South African standards, more of a park really, but bigger than Longleat and it’s not manmade, it’s the animal’s natural habitat. There are Lions, Rhinos and Zebras as well as the Sneezy things, as my son named them when he came to visit, seems like they’re all allergic to the grass...think they’re called Spring Boks.
45 Minutes further down the road is Krugersdorp Game Reserve and the Lion Park http://www.sa-venues.com/game-reserves/ga_krugersdorp.htm...we go there on Sunday mornings as that’s when they feed the lions. They have Elands and similar animals that have died of natural causes chained to a post to stop the Lions dragging their food away so the tourists can see and take photos. The Lions are docile after feeding but if they do approach your car you need to keep moving as they have a habit of chewing your tyres and you don’t want to be changing a wheel out there.
Pilanesberg Game reserve http://pilanesberggamereserve.com/index.html is a 2 hour drive away north west of Pretoria, that’s where you get to see all the ‘big 5’
The Elephants were amazing, a herd of approximately 20, stood no further away than the length of a football pitch, unfortunately one of them decided it liked the look of our car and started to approach us on the road...there was nothing we could do...we couldn’t go forwards as the elephant was blocking our view, so we indicated to the car behind to reverse, who indicated to the car behind him, who indicated to the car behind him and so on.....it took ages before we were able to reverse away, to discover that the end car about 7 back was in fact actually a car and not a 4x4 like the rest of us and the road was actually a track full of deep holes and they had trouble getting out...a fair amount of panic from parents but I’m quite calm in these types of situations as is Peter...we had no control over the situation.
Two weeks earlier I spotted a Leopard at dusk and despite the warnings, yes, I sort of got out the car to take a photo and get a better look...good job its mate didn’t sneak up behind me...he was less than 20ft away.
The remaining two animals are the Rhino and Buffalo and I’ve seen them many times, in fact in each park on every occasion in the case of the rhino.
I could get used to this...I am used to this... there’s another weekend ahead and the picnic will be made and the camping stove with tea and coffee facilities will be packed and off we go...
Do you know what my neighbour said when I told him that I’d seen the ‘big 5’ in 3 separate visits within 5 months?...
Suzanne...This is Africa
We live a 10 minute drive from Rietvlei, http://www.rietvlei-reserve.co.za/index.php?loc=rietvlei_game a small game reserve by South African standards, more of a park really, but bigger than Longleat and it’s not manmade, it’s the animal’s natural habitat. There are Lions, Rhinos and Zebras as well as the Sneezy things, as my son named them when he came to visit, seems like they’re all allergic to the grass...think they’re called Spring Boks.
45 Minutes further down the road is Krugersdorp Game Reserve and the Lion Park http://www.sa-venues.com/game-reserves/ga_krugersdorp.htm...we go there on Sunday mornings as that’s when they feed the lions. They have Elands and similar animals that have died of natural causes chained to a post to stop the Lions dragging their food away so the tourists can see and take photos. The Lions are docile after feeding but if they do approach your car you need to keep moving as they have a habit of chewing your tyres and you don’t want to be changing a wheel out there.
Pilanesberg Game reserve http://pilanesberggamereserve.com/index.html is a 2 hour drive away north west of Pretoria, that’s where you get to see all the ‘big 5’
The Elephants were amazing, a herd of approximately 20, stood no further away than the length of a football pitch, unfortunately one of them decided it liked the look of our car and started to approach us on the road...there was nothing we could do...we couldn’t go forwards as the elephant was blocking our view, so we indicated to the car behind to reverse, who indicated to the car behind him, who indicated to the car behind him and so on.....it took ages before we were able to reverse away, to discover that the end car about 7 back was in fact actually a car and not a 4x4 like the rest of us and the road was actually a track full of deep holes and they had trouble getting out...a fair amount of panic from parents but I’m quite calm in these types of situations as is Peter...we had no control over the situation.
Two weeks earlier I spotted a Leopard at dusk and despite the warnings, yes, I sort of got out the car to take a photo and get a better look...good job its mate didn’t sneak up behind me...he was less than 20ft away.
The remaining two animals are the Rhino and Buffalo and I’ve seen them many times, in fact in each park on every occasion in the case of the rhino.
I could get used to this...I am used to this... there’s another weekend ahead and the picnic will be made and the camping stove with tea and coffee facilities will be packed and off we go...
Do you know what my neighbour said when I told him that I’d seen the ‘big 5’ in 3 separate visits within 5 months?...
Suzanne...This is Africa
Wednesday, 22 June 2011
You haven't changed a bit
I’m 40 on Sunday..so what?...life begins at 40...actually I think that depends what side of 40 one is...lol
‘Oh you don’t look a day over......’ ‘why thank you’...liar...I don’t need to feel better....I have no thoughts of being 40...well maybe I feel a bit of a grown up now, but then I’ve had 3 kids leave home...’oh you don’t look old enough’ I’m not actually...lol
I was asked on twitter this evening if I had any nice plans...and as it happens, Yes, I do...however my family have other ideas, I NEED banners and balloons, a big cake with 40 on it, a nice quiet meal at the golf club and I’ve already had my presents....I bought my own (get what I want that way)
So I’m going to let them put the banners up, I’ll laugh at the ‘old age’ cards, I’ll smile, I’ll stuff my face with cake...
The computer says NO
I’m getting things done, but it takes forever. I’m not South African, I don’t understand the culture, I don’t know the procedures and I’ve got no-one to ask for help from.
I’ve met a couple of people that look like they’re going to be good friends, but I’m too scared I’ll frighten them off. I can’t ask them to take contracts out in their names, I don’t know them well enough or them me, plus I’ll never get a credit history that way.
Also everyone tells me, yes everything takes longer here, but trust me as soon as you produce a non south African ID and a 2 year visitor visa..it stops..that’s it nothing...
Twice now we’ve been refused a mobile phone contract with Vodacom and so far no one will tell us why, just not enough paperwork...WTF? tell me what additional paperwork I need and I’ll bloody well go and get it..FFS
Complain, told to call customer Services who promptly tell me the store has the info...
So if anyone has any advice or is a non south African on a 2 year visa and has a mobile phone contract please get in touch and let me know how
I’ve met a couple of people that look like they’re going to be good friends, but I’m too scared I’ll frighten them off. I can’t ask them to take contracts out in their names, I don’t know them well enough or them me, plus I’ll never get a credit history that way.
Also everyone tells me, yes everything takes longer here, but trust me as soon as you produce a non south African ID and a 2 year visitor visa..it stops..that’s it nothing...
Twice now we’ve been refused a mobile phone contract with Vodacom and so far no one will tell us why, just not enough paperwork...WTF? tell me what additional paperwork I need and I’ll bloody well go and get it..FFS
Complain, told to call customer Services who promptly tell me the store has the info...
So if anyone has any advice or is a non south African on a 2 year visa and has a mobile phone contract please get in touch and let me know how
Car tax/Vehicle licence disc
‘You need to bring your car in for an AA pre sale safety check’ or something like that...’OK’
In the meantime I’m trying to renew my yearly little disc that goes in the front window of the car, I assume it’s the same as the car tax in the UK but costs far less than the UK and it’s renewed every year.
So I go to the post office, explain, get given form and that’s that....
Return with form complete..VIN number required plus loads of other stuff I don’t understand, ask at the local cafe, ask the garage, ask the neighbour..but I don’t have a form like that, where do I get that info from..return with forms and cash (they don’t take card payments) verified copy of Peters passport, stamped and in triplicate (I’m learning fast)..but the passport number didn’t fit the ID box so turned away...’we need more info’...someone anyone please tell me what info
Contact the garage...we don’t have the paperwork from the bank about the loan we took out for part payment of the car....’oh that’s cos your husband has only just provided us with the paperwork to prove he’s eligible to buy a car’ yeah 3 months after you sold us the bloody thing and no one told us, so garage hand over bank paperwork.
Then there’s something about a safety check certificate..arhhh suddenly making sense now.
So I arrive at the garage on Friday, I ask to speak to the manager, I explain what has happened, how cross I am, that they let me take a vehicle without the correct safety checks and documentation and they take the car to The AA for the checks, the paperwork and the tax thingy and call me today to tell me the disc the paperwork etc etc is waiting for me to collect them first thing in the morning.
In the meantime I’m trying to renew my yearly little disc that goes in the front window of the car, I assume it’s the same as the car tax in the UK but costs far less than the UK and it’s renewed every year.
So I go to the post office, explain, get given form and that’s that....
Return with form complete..VIN number required plus loads of other stuff I don’t understand, ask at the local cafe, ask the garage, ask the neighbour..but I don’t have a form like that, where do I get that info from..return with forms and cash (they don’t take card payments) verified copy of Peters passport, stamped and in triplicate (I’m learning fast)..but the passport number didn’t fit the ID box so turned away...’we need more info’...someone anyone please tell me what info
Contact the garage...we don’t have the paperwork from the bank about the loan we took out for part payment of the car....’oh that’s cos your husband has only just provided us with the paperwork to prove he’s eligible to buy a car’ yeah 3 months after you sold us the bloody thing and no one told us, so garage hand over bank paperwork.
Then there’s something about a safety check certificate..arhhh suddenly making sense now.
So I arrive at the garage on Friday, I ask to speak to the manager, I explain what has happened, how cross I am, that they let me take a vehicle without the correct safety checks and documentation and they take the car to The AA for the checks, the paperwork and the tax thingy and call me today to tell me the disc the paperwork etc etc is waiting for me to collect them first thing in the morning.
Life can be quite boring sometimes
My day
Alarm 5.30am stay in bed till hubby yells ‘where would you like your tea?
Stand in kitchen, drinking tea
Yell instructions to kids while drinking tea
Hand kids lunch boxes after locating football boots, grey socks, homework
Kids to school via hubby on his way to work
Put washing machine/dish washer on
Jog/Walk/Exercise DVD
Shower
Dress
Breakfast
Twiddle thumbs till 4pm school collection (tweet, blog, shop, clean, drink coffee)
And then everything comes at once and I don’t sit down till 9pm
Alarm 5.30am stay in bed till hubby yells ‘where would you like your tea?
Stand in kitchen, drinking tea
Yell instructions to kids while drinking tea
Hand kids lunch boxes after locating football boots, grey socks, homework
Kids to school via hubby on his way to work
Put washing machine/dish washer on
Jog/Walk/Exercise DVD
Shower
Dress
Breakfast
Twiddle thumbs till 4pm school collection (tweet, blog, shop, clean, drink coffee)
And then everything comes at once and I don’t sit down till 9pm
It’s all coming together
Can’t say too much but things here are going to get better.
Company will help with mobiles...won’t pay it or take it out in their name but can act as guarantor to enable us to get contracts. I’ve had a chance to off load which makes me feel better...The word sorry really does help.
But 2 weeks on..nothing has happened....ok I need to find out what Vodacom actually want from us, they’ve had all the documents they’ve requested and I even offered to take a vial of the kids blood in with me. Also all the ‘other stuff’ that we raised was going to be investigated so going to have to chase that up.
SAFA’s local office were refusing to register Dan as he is a foreigner, I asked for an explanation and as some of you know I ‘KNOW’ my stuff when it comes to football and Child Welfare. I was shouted at...I was told ‘I’m not registering him as I don’t like you’ OK mate you’ll like me even less in a minute. I called SAFA, they emailed the info I needed, I gave it to TUK’s, who were very grateful for my intervention and I informed SAFA if I don’t get either a) my son registered to play non league football or b) a full and legal explanation I shall be going to FIFA and both the English and South African Media with my story of discrimination.
2 weeks ago we also finally got a refund for a dining room table we bought that they failed to deliver, it took 4 weeks again of threats of legal action before the money was refunded...but the biggest shock came when I ordered and paid for a table the same day and it was delivered only half hour late 3 days later...what then followed was storms and freezing weather....it was retribution...lol..everyone here I’ve told has said that is ‘unheard of’
The medical aid is now sorted...tah dah...however we’re nearly at our self payment gap as we weren’t told that if we’d kept Dan in hospital overnight, all the scans and xrays wouldn’t have been charged to our account...ffs..I’ve managed the dentists so far but still have to register with a Doctor and it’s not as easy as it sounds.
I’ve been promised a change to my visa, I’ve found a really good charity shop near by, I’ve made friends with a woman from Peters work, I’ve met the daughter of a bloke my father used to work with when he was over here and I’m off for coffee/wine at the neighbours house next week...
...but this will only all get done, if I keep nagging, threatening, making an effort, contacting, getting out there, researching, pushing...but I’m bloody good at stuff like that...I’ve got us this far after all....lol
Company will help with mobiles...won’t pay it or take it out in their name but can act as guarantor to enable us to get contracts. I’ve had a chance to off load which makes me feel better...The word sorry really does help.
But 2 weeks on..nothing has happened....ok I need to find out what Vodacom actually want from us, they’ve had all the documents they’ve requested and I even offered to take a vial of the kids blood in with me. Also all the ‘other stuff’ that we raised was going to be investigated so going to have to chase that up.
SAFA’s local office were refusing to register Dan as he is a foreigner, I asked for an explanation and as some of you know I ‘KNOW’ my stuff when it comes to football and Child Welfare. I was shouted at...I was told ‘I’m not registering him as I don’t like you’ OK mate you’ll like me even less in a minute. I called SAFA, they emailed the info I needed, I gave it to TUK’s, who were very grateful for my intervention and I informed SAFA if I don’t get either a) my son registered to play non league football or b) a full and legal explanation I shall be going to FIFA and both the English and South African Media with my story of discrimination.
2 weeks ago we also finally got a refund for a dining room table we bought that they failed to deliver, it took 4 weeks again of threats of legal action before the money was refunded...but the biggest shock came when I ordered and paid for a table the same day and it was delivered only half hour late 3 days later...what then followed was storms and freezing weather....it was retribution...lol..everyone here I’ve told has said that is ‘unheard of’
The medical aid is now sorted...tah dah...however we’re nearly at our self payment gap as we weren’t told that if we’d kept Dan in hospital overnight, all the scans and xrays wouldn’t have been charged to our account...ffs..I’ve managed the dentists so far but still have to register with a Doctor and it’s not as easy as it sounds.
I’ve been promised a change to my visa, I’ve found a really good charity shop near by, I’ve made friends with a woman from Peters work, I’ve met the daughter of a bloke my father used to work with when he was over here and I’m off for coffee/wine at the neighbours house next week...
...but this will only all get done, if I keep nagging, threatening, making an effort, contacting, getting out there, researching, pushing...but I’m bloody good at stuff like that...I’ve got us this far after all....lol
Why would you do that to me?
I’ve got no problem with anyone looking at any photos I post on the internet. I am aware how it all works, they get retweeted, downloaded, printed out...I lose the ownership of it etc etc and I CBA to put a watermark or a line through them...but I do have a problem and this is it...
...if I don’t like you on twitter I can block you, If I don’t like you on facebook I can unfriend you...others wouldn’t know unless I tell them...but when you know I don’t get on with someone or you are aware there have been some serious difficulties with another person why would you show them my pictures, my tweets, my status updates...why would you do that?
...if I don’t like you on twitter I can block you, If I don’t like you on facebook I can unfriend you...others wouldn’t know unless I tell them...but when you know I don’t get on with someone or you are aware there have been some serious difficulties with another person why would you show them my pictures, my tweets, my status updates...why would you do that?
I CBA any more
I’ve moaned and groaned about the post here, or rather the lack of it...I know we chose to leave the UK...but I’ve made more than an effort. I wrote/printed out 52 round robin letters and personalised each and every one of them...and what? Approximately 15 replies.
The internet is wonderful, lots of people are enjoying my photos and updates on facebook, when asked, but they’re not commenting or clicking ‘like’ so how the hell am I supposed to know.....some feedback is...’it’s great hearing what Suzanne is up to, but we're not doing anything of interest to tell her.
That’s not the point.....2 aunts have written a few lines to say...’we lead boring lives and have nothing to tell you’ but it was great to have the letter in the box and was an excellent prompt for me to write back.
I reply to each and every letter I receive...but from now on, unless we chat daily on twitter or you write/email/like on facebook I shan’t be bothering...so don’t be surprised if you don’t hear from me...
...guess what?...I can’t be arsed either.
Sunday, 19 June 2011
Soweto
Driving past Soweto (South West Township)...WTF? I blogged before about how weird the school run is when I follow signs home to Johannesburg, still struggling to get my head round it...I used to spend my evenings at Saltleys, Old Sihillians and Wast Hills training ground while Daniel trained with Birmingham City, now I sit in a car park at Pretoria University in the evenings, reading my book, tweeting and using my little stove to brew cups of tea, same shit, different car parks...but this time instead of following the M5 into Worcestershire and off at Junction 7 to Malvern its the N1 south to Jo’burg..Dan and I struggle to get our heads round it.
On Monday Dan is off on a school trip to Soweto, the letter home read and I quote ‘If I did not think this place was safe, I would not be taking your child there. In all the years I have taken students on a history trip to Soweto, there’s has not been a single incident where a child has been harmed’...
I am NOT alarmed, I signed the form.
We drove past Soweto a few weeks ago to go to Heaven on Vaal for a works outing. We were told DO NOT follow the GPS as it takes you through Jo’burg and Soweto itself. So we did as we were told and drove along side Soweto on the N1 south. I was apprehensive, the closer we got the more dangers there were, but these came from dogs sauntering across the road and people, people crossing the 3 lanes of traffic, standing on the white lines of the outside lane waiting for cars at 120km/hr to pass. We narrowly missed a dog and a car that swerved violently to avoid a cow...the N1 is equivalent to a UK motorway.
We’ve passed many townships and even drove through one in Rustenburg on our way back from Sun City, don’t trust the GPS here. But Soweto is huge, it stretches for miles..the iconic landmarks of the World Cup remain the concrete towers highly decorated.
It saddens me to see people live like this and it’s not through choices they’ve made. In the UK a homeless person has the option of help and rehabilitation and are usually homeless through choices they’ve made...good or bad...but here, it’s all so different....the townships look like allotments, patches of lad with a small shed sized building with a tin roof, goats and chickens, rubbish piled up everywhere, some have electricity and sanitation, others nothing.
You see patches of the Highveld mowed and kids barefoot playing football, women carrying bags of food, clothing on their heads and everywhere you look people are busy, doing something, fixing roofs, tending the land, returning from work or from looking for work.
The robots are out in Bryanston
He robots* are out in Bryanston, that’s what we hear nearly every day on the travel news on Highveld 94.7fm, it’s quite often the only piece of travel news, and all is well in the world.....
You see when the robots are out it’s due to a power cut or more likely cable or transformer theft.
Power cuts are often and many and last for days even a week on one occasion. We have a generator at our property, it fires up once a week to check itself and the floors vibrate but it’s proven to be invaluable. You can’t hear the TV over it. After making many requests for operating instructions and how and when to refuel we finally have an answer we’re happy with...the first suggestion was I put my hand in the tank and guessed how much diesel there was as there as there isn’t a gauge, but we’ve since been informed that it transmits a message to the contractor who comes out and refuels when needed.
Enough of the generator, back to the power cuts...2 days before U2 played at the Coca Cola dome in Jo’burg, a team of people climbed down a man hole and stripped the stadium bare of its electricity cables. In March a nearby transformer was stolen and power wasn’t restored for over a week, this was due to the fact that the transformer had to be ordered and made in Cape Town. They prioritised the return of power, most houses had power returned within 24 hours by tapping into another transformer, businesses after that and the robots were the last to be turned on over a week later.
At the moment there are major roadwork’s off the N1 junction with the M18 Botha Ave and workmen have severed the electricity supply, the robots now work as a 4 way stop system and everyone is very good at taking turns.
Can you imagine the horror in the UK, the stories in the media of the plight of the British and individual stories of ‘human suffering’ (tongue in cheek) they just get on with it here; they still complain but most just accept it.
*Robots=Traffic Lights
You see when the robots are out it’s due to a power cut or more likely cable or transformer theft.
Power cuts are often and many and last for days even a week on one occasion. We have a generator at our property, it fires up once a week to check itself and the floors vibrate but it’s proven to be invaluable. You can’t hear the TV over it. After making many requests for operating instructions and how and when to refuel we finally have an answer we’re happy with...the first suggestion was I put my hand in the tank and guessed how much diesel there was as there as there isn’t a gauge, but we’ve since been informed that it transmits a message to the contractor who comes out and refuels when needed.
Enough of the generator, back to the power cuts...2 days before U2 played at the Coca Cola dome in Jo’burg, a team of people climbed down a man hole and stripped the stadium bare of its electricity cables. In March a nearby transformer was stolen and power wasn’t restored for over a week, this was due to the fact that the transformer had to be ordered and made in Cape Town. They prioritised the return of power, most houses had power returned within 24 hours by tapping into another transformer, businesses after that and the robots were the last to be turned on over a week later.
At the moment there are major roadwork’s off the N1 junction with the M18 Botha Ave and workmen have severed the electricity supply, the robots now work as a 4 way stop system and everyone is very good at taking turns.
Can you imagine the horror in the UK, the stories in the media of the plight of the British and individual stories of ‘human suffering’ (tongue in cheek) they just get on with it here; they still complain but most just accept it.
*Robots=Traffic Lights
Saturday, 18 June 2011
Recycling
Recycling in the UK is everywhere...black wheelie bins like ornaments on the drive, different coloured bins or bags for paper, plastics, garden waste and glass....recycling bins in supermarket car parks and shopping centres and bins for drinks bottles and paper waste in high streets and festival grounds and heavy fines for disobeying.
Here in South Africa it’s a different story...the security estate we live in has black wheelie bins collected every Tuesday, they don’t mind if the lid is open or bags are piled up by the side and they don’t fine you if you put garden waste in or plastic bottles, it’s a private company and gets taken to landfill. There’s also a paper collection that you put out in orange bags on the 2nd and 4th Friday of the month and that’s about it, although I’ve heard rumours of a plastics collection but I haven’t sussed out what day yet.
Pick ‘n’ Pay hyper markets have a row of coloured wheelie bins inside the main door and a few of the smaller shops collect batteries and ink cartridges but they are hard to find.
I use PLANTLAND, a chain of garden centres; the one in Irene, nr Centurion has a collection of coloured oil drums for items for recycling. It is collected by a local charity and sold with the money raised going to the Mentally Handicapped (yep, still called that here and not Learning Disabled). The other option is to hand any bottles to the men that stand at the robots at the Atterbury Junction near Menlyn off the N1, as they collect rubbish in exchange for a small donation (20p or so) and they sell the plastic on.
How to be the perfect guest
Remember your host is NOT on holiday
Pay your way, buy coffees and insist on taking everyone out for a meal at least once
Don't buy your own goodies and hide them in your room, remember you're eating the food they paid for
Don't take the last, or use the last of anything
If your host offers toast and cereals for breakfast, don't go asking for a bacon sandwich
If you have food preferences or allergies it is YOUR responsibility to inform your host BEFORE you arrive
If you detect tension, take your book to your room, walk their dog (if they have one) or the kids to the park
Allow your hosts a bit of space, remember one or both may still be going to work daily and running around after kids etc, again you're on holiday their not
Tidy up after yourself, your host ISN'T your Mother and even if she is, you've left home now
Pay your way, buy coffees and insist on taking everyone out for a meal at least once
Don't buy your own goodies and hide them in your room, remember you're eating the food they paid for
Don't take the last, or use the last of anything
If your host offers toast and cereals for breakfast, don't go asking for a bacon sandwich
If you have food preferences or allergies it is YOUR responsibility to inform your host BEFORE you arrive
If you detect tension, take your book to your room, walk their dog (if they have one) or the kids to the park
Allow your hosts a bit of space, remember one or both may still be going to work daily and running around after kids etc, again you're on holiday their not
Tidy up after yourself, your host ISN'T your Mother and even if she is, you've left home now
Monday, 6 June 2011
He holds my hand
I've been depressed...I moved to the other side of the world...so what did you expect to hear?...I felt I had nothing to give and wasn't needed...my husband threw himself into his new job, new people, new opportunities and new places to travel, Cape Town in the 3rd week we were here and Europe and back to the UK within 3 months...the kids started school 48hrs after we arrived and joined all the sports teams and made friends really quickly, especially with their 'English' accents...
...and me?...I should be happy that I raised 2 kids that can cope with anything tha is thrown at them, 2 kids that apart from saying the goodbyes and a few tears for their Dad, family and friends in the UK, 2 kids that took to living in a new country like a duck to water...I am proud, I proud of the way they handled it all, I'm proud of the children, all grown up now that didn't come with us...and I'm proud of my husband for being offered such a wonderful position within his company...
But I've been down, miserable, depressed and when that happens I get angry, I push those nearest and dearest to me away...and it's made me realise how much my husband 'puts up' with me...or his words...'how much he loves me'
It's not just been moving here that's caused the depression, it's happened many a time when life has just been over whelming, this time it was losing my identity, who I was, what I did and how I did things, it wasn't just a move it was a whole new way of living. In the past it was triggered by being a single mum, getting married and then divorced, going through my husbands divorce with him, which just has to be the messiest thing I've ever seen and lasted for 3 years, (we were both seperated when we met)...
...and yet? I've never sought medical intervention, I've never given in to it...I've cried, I've screamed, I've run away, I've contemplated all sorts of things...thought about suicide, not actually doing it, but how it would affect my husband and my children, thought about a new identity...but would that be worse on the kids and my husband? the not knowing?
...it's that moment when you stand on a bridge, car keys in hand, sunglasses on your head and you lean over and at the last second you remember your sunglasses and grab them, but now you have your keys in your hand and you wonder what would happen if you just let go of them?...you know the inconvienence it would cause, you know the trouble you'd be in, you'd know the disapproving looks your partner would give you...so you don't do it...
...but when faced with that moment what do you do?...well i tell my husband, my friend, my confident, I tell him I'm unhappy, I tell him I'm hurting...
...and he takes the car keys from my hand and the sunglasses off the top of my head and he lets me lean over the bridge, holding my hand...and he keeps me safe.
...and me?...I should be happy that I raised 2 kids that can cope with anything tha is thrown at them, 2 kids that apart from saying the goodbyes and a few tears for their Dad, family and friends in the UK, 2 kids that took to living in a new country like a duck to water...I am proud, I proud of the way they handled it all, I'm proud of the children, all grown up now that didn't come with us...and I'm proud of my husband for being offered such a wonderful position within his company...
But I've been down, miserable, depressed and when that happens I get angry, I push those nearest and dearest to me away...and it's made me realise how much my husband 'puts up' with me...or his words...'how much he loves me'
It's not just been moving here that's caused the depression, it's happened many a time when life has just been over whelming, this time it was losing my identity, who I was, what I did and how I did things, it wasn't just a move it was a whole new way of living. In the past it was triggered by being a single mum, getting married and then divorced, going through my husbands divorce with him, which just has to be the messiest thing I've ever seen and lasted for 3 years, (we were both seperated when we met)...
...and yet? I've never sought medical intervention, I've never given in to it...I've cried, I've screamed, I've run away, I've contemplated all sorts of things...thought about suicide, not actually doing it, but how it would affect my husband and my children, thought about a new identity...but would that be worse on the kids and my husband? the not knowing?
...it's that moment when you stand on a bridge, car keys in hand, sunglasses on your head and you lean over and at the last second you remember your sunglasses and grab them, but now you have your keys in your hand and you wonder what would happen if you just let go of them?...you know the inconvienence it would cause, you know the trouble you'd be in, you'd know the disapproving looks your partner would give you...so you don't do it...
...but when faced with that moment what do you do?...well i tell my husband, my friend, my confident, I tell him I'm unhappy, I tell him I'm hurting...
...and he takes the car keys from my hand and the sunglasses off the top of my head and he lets me lean over the bridge, holding my hand...and he keeps me safe.
how much more?
Are you a giver or a taker?
I'm a giver...not just of gifts, money or time...but of myself....
I'm a yes person, 'if you want something done ask a busy person' if I want something done, I do it myself.
Sometimes my thoughts and actions hurt people, but I am aware of this and I always do my best to rectify the problem, even when my thoughts and actions come about after reaching the stage of having had enough of the other person or situation...
What am I then?...Well, I always say yes, but then they want it done all on their terms and if I offer a suggestion it's wrong, interferring or worse I'm showing off, showing them up for their inadequecies...WTF? I can't do right for doing wrong...
There comes a time when I have to stop giving...I'm tired, I'm hurting...and if I complain then I'm a selfish, sensitive cow...
Anyone else find themselves hitting their head against a brick wall?
I'm a giver...not just of gifts, money or time...but of myself....
I'm a yes person, 'if you want something done ask a busy person' if I want something done, I do it myself.
Sometimes my thoughts and actions hurt people, but I am aware of this and I always do my best to rectify the problem, even when my thoughts and actions come about after reaching the stage of having had enough of the other person or situation...
What am I then?...Well, I always say yes, but then they want it done all on their terms and if I offer a suggestion it's wrong, interferring or worse I'm showing off, showing them up for their inadequecies...WTF? I can't do right for doing wrong...
There comes a time when I have to stop giving...I'm tired, I'm hurting...and if I complain then I'm a selfish, sensitive cow...
Anyone else find themselves hitting their head against a brick wall?
Sorry goes a long way
I've been up since 3am this morning, you know how it is?...your head is spinning...
So I got up...I'm not angry, I'm disappointed, we made so much effort prior to moving to South Africa to ensure that when we got here, the UK side of things would run itself and the bits we'd put into place would ensure a smooth transistion...we were wrong.
The bank let us down, the agent let us down, the removal firm let us down, the electric and gas company let us down, the insurance companies let us down and certain people let us down...
It was difficult to get hold of these people, get them to reply to emails, an automated response was easy enough 'we will reply to your email in the next two working days' in most cases I had to re email them to remind them, spend a fortune on hold or listening to music at a UK call centre (probably cheaper if I'd just called India direct)
I notified ALL the UK companies of our move to South Africa and requested all urgent communication was made via email. I have an acknowledgement letter or email off each and every one...
So what happens?
Threats of Court Orders and bailiffs, (for small sums of money in total no more than £300) lost furniture, cancelled bank cards...you name it we've had it and as a result I now have had to inform EVERYONE of change of address (again)...
And not one person or company has said 'sorry'
So I got up...I'm not angry, I'm disappointed, we made so much effort prior to moving to South Africa to ensure that when we got here, the UK side of things would run itself and the bits we'd put into place would ensure a smooth transistion...we were wrong.
The bank let us down, the agent let us down, the removal firm let us down, the electric and gas company let us down, the insurance companies let us down and certain people let us down...
It was difficult to get hold of these people, get them to reply to emails, an automated response was easy enough 'we will reply to your email in the next two working days' in most cases I had to re email them to remind them, spend a fortune on hold or listening to music at a UK call centre (probably cheaper if I'd just called India direct)
I notified ALL the UK companies of our move to South Africa and requested all urgent communication was made via email. I have an acknowledgement letter or email off each and every one...
So what happens?
Threats of Court Orders and bailiffs, (for small sums of money in total no more than £300) lost furniture, cancelled bank cards...you name it we've had it and as a result I now have had to inform EVERYONE of change of address (again)...
And not one person or company has said 'sorry'
Tuesday, 31 May 2011
More Stress
When was the last time you bought a tyre?
How much did it cost?
Where did you buy it from?
Easy task, you've either answered a) it's a company car and I just booked it in the dealers, b) you can think for a few minutes c) don't have a car or d) my other half sorts those things out.
Last place I bought tyres from was near the fire station in Droitwich, cost £75 ish each.
So you pick up the phone directory, search for tyres or tires, look for the nearest garage to you, call round a few more to get a competitive price, maybe go in same day or they have to order them in for you...still with me...or you ask a colleague at work, a neighbour, your Dad...
What do you do when you don't know anyone?...a quick search on the internet tells me there are places near me, still struggling with accents, so visit in person...it appears there's no such thing as buying power here in South Africa, all tyres are the same price plus or minus R50-R100...
'Yep we can do that for you ma'am' 'how effing much?' 'R2000 if you want one today or R1,500 if you don't mind waiting a day or two'...wish me luck.
I've gone with the R1,500, refused to pay for it until it is fitted and now will wait for the phone to ring, maybe tomorrow, maybe sometime next week, maybe never...
Saturday, 28 May 2011
You can't make this up
On Thursday I took a colleague of Peter's on Safari...we invited him to stay at our house while he was here with work. He's a good friend of Peters but I'd only met him the once in 2007.
We set off at 7am for a 2 hour journey to Pilensburg, we passed Sun City and got slightly lost, drove through a township and stopped for a document and vehicle check by the police..I asked 'why' they replied 'because we asked' 'OK' I explained I was English and would like this exp;aining and they were very helpful and polite and after checking our documents they gave us directions for the game reserve.
We had a good day, dfriving round the reserve looking for the elephants...I personally am of a mind that the elephants are either a) not real or b) 2ft tall and hidden in the grass...
but we did see Rhinos, Zebras, Giraffes and the best of all a Leopard.
We saw the majority of animals towards the end of the day as the sun was setting and they made their way towards the watering holes...the Leopard was just standing in the middle of the road, we were craning our necks looking for the elephants, it hung around long enough for us to lean out the car and take photos.
So slightly behind schedule we began our journey home...the gate ws locked we were no more than 10 minutes late..security indicated for us to step out of the car to inform us that they had no key, no radio and no mobile phone and we would just have to sit and wait till someone/anyone arrived...not impressed, there were wild dogs nearby plus you know lions etc...we sat, we waited, we laughed, we called home...'no really, we didn't do it on purpose'
35 mins later we were on our way home, 2 hours in the dark, the first part of the journey I was apprehesive, driving through built up areas on a singletrack road, but then we reached the N4 and I relaxed...N1....27kms to go, Peter is reheating tea..my guest informs me the car sounds a little funny and bang, at 120kms per hour in the outside of 3 lanes, my tyre blows, a controlled stop on the hard shoulder. The car stops we get out and quickly climb the barrier...the traffic is very fast...there's a break in the traffic so we grab food, blanket, personal items. We're near a toll booth, can't get through to OUTsurance so call Peter to explain...he sighs...and a few minutes later they call back.
'where are you Ma,am?'
'ermmmm I don't know,GPS says 27km north of home on N1 just past the 'What does it say on the toll Ma'am?'
I'm not a lot of use at this point and reply 'E Tag and Cash Only'
They finally establish where we are and reply 'a vehicle will be with you in 33 minutes'
We sit on the grass, the toll booth security check on us, OUTsurance call us, the tow truck company call to confirm they are on their way....
...and 17 hours after we set off, we arrive back home....still speaking, thankfully.
We set off at 7am for a 2 hour journey to Pilensburg, we passed Sun City and got slightly lost, drove through a township and stopped for a document and vehicle check by the police..I asked 'why' they replied 'because we asked' 'OK' I explained I was English and would like this exp;aining and they were very helpful and polite and after checking our documents they gave us directions for the game reserve.
We had a good day, dfriving round the reserve looking for the elephants...I personally am of a mind that the elephants are either a) not real or b) 2ft tall and hidden in the grass...
but we did see Rhinos, Zebras, Giraffes and the best of all a Leopard.
We saw the majority of animals towards the end of the day as the sun was setting and they made their way towards the watering holes...the Leopard was just standing in the middle of the road, we were craning our necks looking for the elephants, it hung around long enough for us to lean out the car and take photos.
So slightly behind schedule we began our journey home...the gate ws locked we were no more than 10 minutes late..security indicated for us to step out of the car to inform us that they had no key, no radio and no mobile phone and we would just have to sit and wait till someone/anyone arrived...not impressed, there were wild dogs nearby plus you know lions etc...we sat, we waited, we laughed, we called home...'no really, we didn't do it on purpose'
35 mins later we were on our way home, 2 hours in the dark, the first part of the journey I was apprehesive, driving through built up areas on a singletrack road, but then we reached the N4 and I relaxed...N1....27kms to go, Peter is reheating tea..my guest informs me the car sounds a little funny and bang, at 120kms per hour in the outside of 3 lanes, my tyre blows, a controlled stop on the hard shoulder. The car stops we get out and quickly climb the barrier...the traffic is very fast...there's a break in the traffic so we grab food, blanket, personal items. We're near a toll booth, can't get through to OUTsurance so call Peter to explain...he sighs...and a few minutes later they call back.
'where are you Ma,am?'
'ermmmm I don't know,GPS says 27km north of home on N1 just past the 'What does it say on the toll Ma'am?'
I'm not a lot of use at this point and reply 'E Tag and Cash Only'
They finally establish where we are and reply 'a vehicle will be with you in 33 minutes'
We sit on the grass, the toll booth security check on us, OUTsurance call us, the tow truck company call to confirm they are on their way....
...and 17 hours after we set off, we arrive back home....still speaking, thankfully.
Oi...it's my car
It's my car
If I want things hanging from the mirror...what's it got to do with you?
It's not crap filling every compartment...it's my stuff
If I want the radio reprogramming...I'll do it
No I'm not too hot/cold...I've set the temperature like that for a reason
What rattle/noise...it's not interfering with my driving
How many times?...if you push the cigarette lighter in to hard, it will pop out, roll under your seat and I'll have to pull over to find it
Go drive your own car
If I want things hanging from the mirror...what's it got to do with you?
It's not crap filling every compartment...it's my stuff
If I want the radio reprogramming...I'll do it
No I'm not too hot/cold...I've set the temperature like that for a reason
What rattle/noise...it's not interfering with my driving
How many times?...if you push the cigarette lighter in to hard, it will pop out, roll under your seat and I'll have to pull over to find it
Go drive your own car
It's not hot here
When I woke yesterday, there was a ground frost, all the neighbours have wrapped their shrubs, so I guess winter is here.
We've got underfloor heating and the air con has temperature settings up to 30c, but like most families it has to be sub zero for several months before my husband puts the heating on...it's not because he's from 'op north' and hardy, it's because he's from 'op north' and bloody tight.
So the winter duvets are on and the kids have extra blankets, the fluffy socks are out and being worn in bed.
The temperature in the evenings, after sun down are between 4 & 11c, in the day, although its autumn it actually feels like spring to me, there are flowers out and the tepmerature in the day rises into the mid 20c.
Several light layers of clothing are required, which are peeled off as the day goes on. I wear my winter boots in the morning and by the afternoon I change into sandals...
It's too chillyfor the pool now, but I'm still using the steam room.
We left the UK with a covering of snow on the ground. We had a proper white christmas spent in the Cotswolds with 8inches of snow and the temperature hadn't risen above freezing for several weeks.
We arrived in South Africa in the middle of summer with temperatures in the mid 30s.
When the weather starting to get chilly here, I was asked 'aren't you cold?' well no I wasn't, the people asking the question are wrapped up in hats, scarves and gloves, while I was peeling my cardi off...the kids are getting told off in school for not wearing their jumpers in the day as they are both too hot, while their class mates keeps their scarves on, cuddle their hot water bottles and sip hot drinks from their flask.....
I wonder how long it will be before we complain of being cold?
Now, it's cold now, the under floor heating doesn't work, we bought coal and chopped down a tree in the garden
Friday, 27 May 2011
Do you ask people how they met?
Is it a conversation opener?...are they really interested, am I just plain rude when I don't ask them how they met?...or are they just bloody amazed that we are a couple and wondering how the hell those two people could ever meet?
...and then sound surprised that it's been 'that long' and we're actually married...
I'd love to hear your thoughts on it...
BTW Yes he's older than me and I was the baby sitter *exits stage right to leave you pondering on this one*
...and then sound surprised that it's been 'that long' and we're actually married...
I'd love to hear your thoughts on it...
BTW Yes he's older than me and I was the baby sitter *exits stage right to leave you pondering on this one*
Wednesday, 25 May 2011
Is it ever too much???????
We live almost in the middle of the security estate, the permimeter is 7km and we're a 2km drive from the main gate.
The main gate has swipe operated booms, security guards and CCTV. All visitors MUST enter and leave by the main gates...we have to call down to security, give them our name, address and a 5 digit PIN to identify ourselves, inform them eta and name of visitor...the visitor is given a plastic card, which the must hand back in when they leave.
The back gate is for residents only, we have a magnetic swipe key we use to operate the booms, there are armed guards and the back gates are locked every night at 6pm.
The estate has 24hr armed security, patrol cars and dogs...we pay a premium to live her, at least R7,000 (£650) per month extra compared to a similar property outside the estate...but we're safe...
It's quite a big deal to pack your family up and move to the other side of the world...and South Africa isn't exactally the safest of places to live...we're in Centurion approx 25 miles from Johannesburg and 10 miles from the capital Pretoria...you've all heard the stories of murder, car jacking etc...it DOES happen, so while we're adjusting to our new lives, we may as well be as safe as we can...
and yet...there have been several break ins at the security estate where we live. TV's, laptops, mobile phones etc have been taken...4 houses so far in our street, maybe 9 in total in the past 2 weeks...they think it's an inside job...bored, rich teens with a drug habit to feed...who knows?...
all I do know is, I listen to the news on the TV and Radio and I'm grateful for the premium...2 weeks ago a man was held at knife point in his own home, he was skyping with his son in NZ, who immediately called the SA Police...there was a gun fight...yes, the robbers stole a gun from the mans house and were taking pot shots at the police, in broad daylight, near a shopping centre outside the library, where I go twice a week, one robber was shot dead, no one else injured...then there was the cop firing out of a helicopter at a stolen car...
I've tweeted with people in the UK from South Africa who think I'm stir crazy for moving here and then people over here that have blocked me on twitter as they think I'm slagging this beautiful country off...I'm not I'm just telling it as it is...
The main gate has swipe operated booms, security guards and CCTV. All visitors MUST enter and leave by the main gates...we have to call down to security, give them our name, address and a 5 digit PIN to identify ourselves, inform them eta and name of visitor...the visitor is given a plastic card, which the must hand back in when they leave.
The back gate is for residents only, we have a magnetic swipe key we use to operate the booms, there are armed guards and the back gates are locked every night at 6pm.
The estate has 24hr armed security, patrol cars and dogs...we pay a premium to live her, at least R7,000 (£650) per month extra compared to a similar property outside the estate...but we're safe...
It's quite a big deal to pack your family up and move to the other side of the world...and South Africa isn't exactally the safest of places to live...we're in Centurion approx 25 miles from Johannesburg and 10 miles from the capital Pretoria...you've all heard the stories of murder, car jacking etc...it DOES happen, so while we're adjusting to our new lives, we may as well be as safe as we can...
and yet...there have been several break ins at the security estate where we live. TV's, laptops, mobile phones etc have been taken...4 houses so far in our street, maybe 9 in total in the past 2 weeks...they think it's an inside job...bored, rich teens with a drug habit to feed...who knows?...
all I do know is, I listen to the news on the TV and Radio and I'm grateful for the premium...2 weeks ago a man was held at knife point in his own home, he was skyping with his son in NZ, who immediately called the SA Police...there was a gun fight...yes, the robbers stole a gun from the mans house and were taking pot shots at the police, in broad daylight, near a shopping centre outside the library, where I go twice a week, one robber was shot dead, no one else injured...then there was the cop firing out of a helicopter at a stolen car...
I've tweeted with people in the UK from South Africa who think I'm stir crazy for moving here and then people over here that have blocked me on twitter as they think I'm slagging this beautiful country off...I'm not I'm just telling it as it is...
Solomon
...is our gardener, we had problems with the first one, he made me feel uncomfortable...another woman on the estate called me to say he'd been stealing from her, so after that it was easy to let him go...anyway Solomon was recommended to us by a neighbour who had employed Solomon for the last 9 years.
Solomon speaks English, but it's a slow process. Solomon also didn't attend school and this is evident, not by what he says but how he says things...He calls me 'Mamie'..I've only ever heard that in the old black and white films and it makes me smile...
I helped Solomon in the garden today, he told me what to do and how to do it...he also ordered me to fetch him tea and toast, mid morning and told me at 12.10pm I was 10 minutes late with his lunch...he's company for me, so I don't really mind, it's a language thing, he's not being rude...
I pay Solomon R150 per day (approx £14) I feel bad, he works hard, takes few breaks and arrives at 7.30am and leaves at 3pm...his wife works on the estate also as a housekeeper and he's finally realised why I do my own house work...he says 'Mamie, you must not work, you must rest, do what the other Mamie's do' ... I keep explaining to him that I have nothing else to do and it keeps me sane, hence why today I was working alongside him in the garden...'Mamie, come, work, garden, I show you what to do'... I love gardening and I played dumb, cringing as he told me to water the plants in the middle of the day, when the sun is shining brightly,I refained from saying 'but you'll scorch the leaves'...
Solomon asks me for a lift to the back gate, I tell him where the children's school is and ask if he'd like a lift to the station...I've given Solomon some Roses tea bags, a couple of packets of instant pasta and a packet of biscuits, he insists I write a letter to say I've given him these things, so the security guards don't accuse him of stealing...I tell him he's in my car, we will just drive out...he says 'No, Mamie, you must write it'...
I drop Solomon at the train station, he is very grateful...'I will get home early tonight Mamie, my wife will be very happy and when I give her the gifts she will smile'...
It takes Solomon 5 hours to get home, 2 trains, a bus and a 5 mile walk at the end of a 8 hour day and his travel costs????? half of what I pay him...
Solomon speaks English, but it's a slow process. Solomon also didn't attend school and this is evident, not by what he says but how he says things...He calls me 'Mamie'..I've only ever heard that in the old black and white films and it makes me smile...
I helped Solomon in the garden today, he told me what to do and how to do it...he also ordered me to fetch him tea and toast, mid morning and told me at 12.10pm I was 10 minutes late with his lunch...he's company for me, so I don't really mind, it's a language thing, he's not being rude...
I pay Solomon R150 per day (approx £14) I feel bad, he works hard, takes few breaks and arrives at 7.30am and leaves at 3pm...his wife works on the estate also as a housekeeper and he's finally realised why I do my own house work...he says 'Mamie, you must not work, you must rest, do what the other Mamie's do' ... I keep explaining to him that I have nothing else to do and it keeps me sane, hence why today I was working alongside him in the garden...'Mamie, come, work, garden, I show you what to do'... I love gardening and I played dumb, cringing as he told me to water the plants in the middle of the day, when the sun is shining brightly,I refained from saying 'but you'll scorch the leaves'...
Solomon asks me for a lift to the back gate, I tell him where the children's school is and ask if he'd like a lift to the station...I've given Solomon some Roses tea bags, a couple of packets of instant pasta and a packet of biscuits, he insists I write a letter to say I've given him these things, so the security guards don't accuse him of stealing...I tell him he's in my car, we will just drive out...he says 'No, Mamie, you must write it'...
I drop Solomon at the train station, he is very grateful...'I will get home early tonight Mamie, my wife will be very happy and when I give her the gifts she will smile'...
It takes Solomon 5 hours to get home, 2 trains, a bus and a 5 mile walk at the end of a 8 hour day and his travel costs????? half of what I pay him...
Thursday, 5 May 2011
Pro's and Con's
Returning to the UK is NOT an option, Ok we've still got a house there, but that's it, just a house, not a home....home for me is where i am, where my husband and children are..it's sad that we've left 3 of them behind, but they'd already left home...so technically we didn't leave them anywhere.
So when asked to come up to South Africa....we didn't draw up a pro's and con's list....silly?...no not really as Peter had been asking work for a move abroad for a long time, egged on mainly by me, but what a fantastic opportunity it would be...new language, experiences, cultures, fantastic on the kids CV...but South Africa....OMG...we thought Europe, Denmark even...we never dreamed we would come here, it's not even a place we'd thought of for holidays (been to Tunisia and Egypt)......
So now we're here what are the pro's and con's?
Pro's
Experience, weather, culture, fantastic people, safari's, lions, giraffes, (who stole the elephants?)
Private schools (not at our expense for a change), the house..WOW..it's huge we could never afford this in the UK, a pool, a steam room, seperate living area for the eldest and for visitors (when are you coming over), the food, the supermarkets, the malls, car insurance (it's so much cheaper), the medical facilities (however it would drop into con's if we didn't have med aid, the roads (round here anyway are fantastic)
Con's
We've acclimatised...25c is too cool to go for a swim (mind you pool is bath size so can't swim in it anyway...lol), shops shut early on weekends and no 24hr service, shoot outs in the streets (but we've not been involved and they're areas we wouldn't go to anyway, but its scary as a Brit to hear and read about it) robbery inside the estate (hey our neighbours were robbed prior to us coming out here), trying to get anything done (that's just the way things are here, you have to queue for everything, they even pay people to queue for them here) racism (one bad experience, unfortunatly the bloke was a twat and used me being English as an excuse to be an even bigger twat), pot holes (big buggers, they'd close the roads in the UK for ones that size)
So apart from all that, we can't complain....but we do..the reason we complain is 'we just don't know how to do things'....how do I know what I need to know unless someone tells me, I'm not thick, I've been doing all of this in the UK, yes there has still been problems, but I know what to do there, how the system works, friends, family, colleagues for guidance and support, to moan at, to phone up on my behalf...we struggle here because we do it alone....
So when asked to come up to South Africa....we didn't draw up a pro's and con's list....silly?...no not really as Peter had been asking work for a move abroad for a long time, egged on mainly by me, but what a fantastic opportunity it would be...new language, experiences, cultures, fantastic on the kids CV...but South Africa....OMG...we thought Europe, Denmark even...we never dreamed we would come here, it's not even a place we'd thought of for holidays (been to Tunisia and Egypt)......
So now we're here what are the pro's and con's?
Pro's
Experience, weather, culture, fantastic people, safari's, lions, giraffes, (who stole the elephants?)
Private schools (not at our expense for a change), the house..WOW..it's huge we could never afford this in the UK, a pool, a steam room, seperate living area for the eldest and for visitors (when are you coming over), the food, the supermarkets, the malls, car insurance (it's so much cheaper), the medical facilities (however it would drop into con's if we didn't have med aid, the roads (round here anyway are fantastic)
Con's
We've acclimatised...25c is too cool to go for a swim (mind you pool is bath size so can't swim in it anyway...lol), shops shut early on weekends and no 24hr service, shoot outs in the streets (but we've not been involved and they're areas we wouldn't go to anyway, but its scary as a Brit to hear and read about it) robbery inside the estate (hey our neighbours were robbed prior to us coming out here), trying to get anything done (that's just the way things are here, you have to queue for everything, they even pay people to queue for them here) racism (one bad experience, unfortunatly the bloke was a twat and used me being English as an excuse to be an even bigger twat), pot holes (big buggers, they'd close the roads in the UK for ones that size)
So apart from all that, we can't complain....but we do..the reason we complain is 'we just don't know how to do things'....how do I know what I need to know unless someone tells me, I'm not thick, I've been doing all of this in the UK, yes there has still been problems, but I know what to do there, how the system works, friends, family, colleagues for guidance and support, to moan at, to phone up on my behalf...we struggle here because we do it alone....
So here is the breakdown..no not mine but why I feel like this?
September 2010
Do you want to move to South Africa?
...keep it quiet no one at works knows about it yet
October
Looks like it's going to happen
...tell kids, ask their dad his permission, tell eldest son who's not coming with us, tell parents, finally get hold of step son in Germany to tell him, keep it off facebook a bit longer
Novemeber
Hubby flies to South Africa
...told his secretary who is sworn to secrecy, start to tell a few trusted friends, get confirmation the move is going ahead, tell everyone, had in notice at work
December
Get decorators in, find agent to rent house, inform banks, Doctors, last visit to dentist, visas, chest xrays, police record checks, organise removal of furniture, say goodbyes, cry, scream, shout, sell stuff, goodbye parties, more goodbyes, more tears, think of everyone you need to inform, pension, child benefit agency, homeless for christmas, furniture removed 23rd Dec, kids at their dads, more tears, christmas with @mediocre_mum, @annieqpr, @cbolam and their families...new year with the neighbours....
January
Visas, more goodbyes, move to Manchester, Visas, back to London, say goodbye again to eldest, tears, Manchester, South Africa arriving on the 19th, heat, tears, WTF?,kids in school, buy uniform, apartment, no phone, sister in UK gives birth very poorly, safari, explore, no sat nav, find hospital, son in A&E no phone, get payg Sim, no car, walk, thunder and lightening storms, phonecalls on street corners, dark, scared, no sat nav, no money, cards frozen, get local bank account, all offers of help non exsistant, here you go, get on with it, storms, floods, hot,study, assignment, stress, kids, rows, I'm going home.
February
Find furniture, container lost, rent house, no phone, no sat nav no car, difficulties, get loan, get car, get insurance, get satnav, rent house, container still lost, visit customs, pay money, complete paperwork, container lost, safari, explore, study, stress.
March
Move, get eldest from airport, Durban, beach, switch off, shopping, no money, get electric and water put on, phone line, TV, get house insurance, report faults, queue, queue, queue, got money, swim, safari, golf, relax, study, stress, son returns, more upset, hubby back to UK, pays bills, sorts out going UK problems, visits family, visits friends, (yes that's you Linda and Chris), says goodbye, more upset, thunder, lightening, assignment, stress, mothers day.
April
Got money, no mobiles, no dog, can have dog, cant find dog we want, birthdays, unpaid bills in UK, court orders, we sorted this, FFS, fed ups, rows, tantrums, I'm going home, tears, stress, assignment, internet fails, no mobiles, repairs carried out on house, SAFA won't register son, tantrums, storms out of vodacom and not for the last time, chilly, golf, no swimming, nails, hair, shopping, glass panel falls from balcony, collect step son from airport, sun city, townships.
May
Cries, wants to go home, buys dining table, nails done, breaks down in school, golf, no mobile, storms out of another phone suppliers, more UK issues, FFS, email all UK companies with list of complaints, changes address to SIL, stress, shouts, football......
what next?
June
Mum and Dad for 3 weeks
July
MIL and SIL for 2 weeks
August
?????ex husband out see his kids, hubby and I to Cape Town, Port Elizabeth, Durban
December
2 weeks in UK
Do you want to move to South Africa?
...keep it quiet no one at works knows about it yet
October
Looks like it's going to happen
...tell kids, ask their dad his permission, tell eldest son who's not coming with us, tell parents, finally get hold of step son in Germany to tell him, keep it off facebook a bit longer
Novemeber
Hubby flies to South Africa
...told his secretary who is sworn to secrecy, start to tell a few trusted friends, get confirmation the move is going ahead, tell everyone, had in notice at work
December
Get decorators in, find agent to rent house, inform banks, Doctors, last visit to dentist, visas, chest xrays, police record checks, organise removal of furniture, say goodbyes, cry, scream, shout, sell stuff, goodbye parties, more goodbyes, more tears, think of everyone you need to inform, pension, child benefit agency, homeless for christmas, furniture removed 23rd Dec, kids at their dads, more tears, christmas with @mediocre_mum, @annieqpr, @cbolam and their families...new year with the neighbours....
January
Visas, more goodbyes, move to Manchester, Visas, back to London, say goodbye again to eldest, tears, Manchester, South Africa arriving on the 19th, heat, tears, WTF?,kids in school, buy uniform, apartment, no phone, sister in UK gives birth very poorly, safari, explore, no sat nav, find hospital, son in A&E no phone, get payg Sim, no car, walk, thunder and lightening storms, phonecalls on street corners, dark, scared, no sat nav, no money, cards frozen, get local bank account, all offers of help non exsistant, here you go, get on with it, storms, floods, hot,study, assignment, stress, kids, rows, I'm going home.
February
Find furniture, container lost, rent house, no phone, no sat nav no car, difficulties, get loan, get car, get insurance, get satnav, rent house, container still lost, visit customs, pay money, complete paperwork, container lost, safari, explore, study, stress.
March
Move, get eldest from airport, Durban, beach, switch off, shopping, no money, get electric and water put on, phone line, TV, get house insurance, report faults, queue, queue, queue, got money, swim, safari, golf, relax, study, stress, son returns, more upset, hubby back to UK, pays bills, sorts out going UK problems, visits family, visits friends, (yes that's you Linda and Chris), says goodbye, more upset, thunder, lightening, assignment, stress, mothers day.
April
Got money, no mobiles, no dog, can have dog, cant find dog we want, birthdays, unpaid bills in UK, court orders, we sorted this, FFS, fed ups, rows, tantrums, I'm going home, tears, stress, assignment, internet fails, no mobiles, repairs carried out on house, SAFA won't register son, tantrums, storms out of vodacom and not for the last time, chilly, golf, no swimming, nails, hair, shopping, glass panel falls from balcony, collect step son from airport, sun city, townships.
May
Cries, wants to go home, buys dining table, nails done, breaks down in school, golf, no mobile, storms out of another phone suppliers, more UK issues, FFS, email all UK companies with list of complaints, changes address to SIL, stress, shouts, football......
what next?
June
Mum and Dad for 3 weeks
July
MIL and SIL for 2 weeks
August
?????ex husband out see his kids, hubby and I to Cape Town, Port Elizabeth, Durban
December
2 weeks in UK
Will you be my friend?
I'm not ill, or nor is anyone I know, no one has died....so why do I feel so sad and alone...he's been such a great experience moving to South Africa, the country side the people, the way of life, but it's fucking hard doing it on your own. I've really connected on twitter, facebook and through internet searches with some lovely, amazing, fantastic people who have provided great moral support and offered friendship, and even though it helps knowing there are other people in the same situation, each and everyone of us is different and we experience things in different ways......I haven't cried this much since my Gran died in 2005, my sister, my parents, aunts, uncles, cousins etc all had their own way of dealing with it and we all coped in different ways..I still cry now when I think of my gran, especially how much she'd love all of this, telling people about her granddaughter moving to the other side of the world. I cried when our furniture arrived and the first thing I unpacked was her tea set. They became nice tears, tears of happy times....
But I keep crying, it is gut wrenching, my nose snorts snot, I cry till I fall asleep, I keep disappearing into public loos cos I cry for no reason...I cry because there is a hole, and I don't know how to fill it....I attended parents evening and left after 3 minutes...'Hi, How are you?, are you settled now?' I cried..... 'I'm so alone here, I don't know how to use the internet, can't get a mobile phone, don't know how to pay the bills online so spend at least one day a week in a queue so long I'm starting to think about taking a picnic with me'....no it's not the same as the UK, it's not just the language, although everyone speaks English, the accents don't help I struggle to understand them as much as they struggle to understand me. The culture, the way of life, values, standards, expectations, obvious racism (this is rare, but so upsetting to witness) the poverty, the work conditions and pay for so many people...I've got to stop measuring it by UK standards, there's nothing wrong with the way things are done here, everything is relative and you can't change the world, but nevertheless some of it is distressing.
I've got no friends, no job and even had to pack my studies in...can't do the last year of a degree without any support at all....OK so see above, I'm safe, I'm not poor, I have my health, my husband, my children, but I've given up everything that makes me, me...don't feel sorry for me, that's not the point... @mediocre_mum suggested I take up knitting or have a baby..there's plenty of groups out there, she also recomends that you DON'T google 'lonely and bored in Pretoria' trust me I've ignored her advice before and been shocked....I know you mean well when you suggest I make an effort to get out there and meet people, join the gym, what about the neighbours.....I am a very sociable person....I had coffee with the woman who owns the hairdressers that I've only been to once, I was in a cafe taking to the waitress who was telling another member of staff...'she's English, she doesen't want any shite in her latte, she likes it week and don't put honey in it or she pulls a face' anyway the hairdresser woman came and said hi and I bought her a 'shite free' coffee. My first girlie chat in months...and I'm going out Monday night for a glass of wine with Dans teacher after she reduced me to tears with her earlier question and said 'what can I do to help?' I pathetically replied 'be my friend'
I would be lost without so many of you, but particulary @talloracle and @mulledred, vetrans of moving abroad with families, not working, leaving the UK behind, check out their tweets and blogs, then you'll see its not just the chicken having a moan, this is what it is like, the rest of you are fantastic also but I'm frightened if I name you all I'll miss someone out, but you know who you are keep the messages on facebook coming, the emails, the skype calls, the letters, the goodies and the parcels....but apart from you lot very, very sadly there are only a few 'real' people that are making the same effort...Hi Serena, if you're reading...you're one of them that keeps me going, just get yourself on facebook please. I think the novelty for many others has worn off by now..it started well, biut it's not the same..so thank you,you keep me going, although I've lost a few along the way, but that's their loss...i've got enough on my plate without their issues.
But I keep crying, it is gut wrenching, my nose snorts snot, I cry till I fall asleep, I keep disappearing into public loos cos I cry for no reason...I cry because there is a hole, and I don't know how to fill it....I attended parents evening and left after 3 minutes...'Hi, How are you?, are you settled now?' I cried..... 'I'm so alone here, I don't know how to use the internet, can't get a mobile phone, don't know how to pay the bills online so spend at least one day a week in a queue so long I'm starting to think about taking a picnic with me'....no it's not the same as the UK, it's not just the language, although everyone speaks English, the accents don't help I struggle to understand them as much as they struggle to understand me. The culture, the way of life, values, standards, expectations, obvious racism (this is rare, but so upsetting to witness) the poverty, the work conditions and pay for so many people...I've got to stop measuring it by UK standards, there's nothing wrong with the way things are done here, everything is relative and you can't change the world, but nevertheless some of it is distressing.
I've got no friends, no job and even had to pack my studies in...can't do the last year of a degree without any support at all....OK so see above, I'm safe, I'm not poor, I have my health, my husband, my children, but I've given up everything that makes me, me...don't feel sorry for me, that's not the point... @mediocre_mum suggested I take up knitting or have a baby..there's plenty of groups out there, she also recomends that you DON'T google 'lonely and bored in Pretoria' trust me I've ignored her advice before and been shocked....I know you mean well when you suggest I make an effort to get out there and meet people, join the gym, what about the neighbours.....I am a very sociable person....I had coffee with the woman who owns the hairdressers that I've only been to once, I was in a cafe taking to the waitress who was telling another member of staff...'she's English, she doesen't want any shite in her latte, she likes it week and don't put honey in it or she pulls a face' anyway the hairdresser woman came and said hi and I bought her a 'shite free' coffee. My first girlie chat in months...and I'm going out Monday night for a glass of wine with Dans teacher after she reduced me to tears with her earlier question and said 'what can I do to help?' I pathetically replied 'be my friend'
I would be lost without so many of you, but particulary @talloracle and @mulledred, vetrans of moving abroad with families, not working, leaving the UK behind, check out their tweets and blogs, then you'll see its not just the chicken having a moan, this is what it is like, the rest of you are fantastic also but I'm frightened if I name you all I'll miss someone out, but you know who you are keep the messages on facebook coming, the emails, the skype calls, the letters, the goodies and the parcels....but apart from you lot very, very sadly there are only a few 'real' people that are making the same effort...Hi Serena, if you're reading...you're one of them that keeps me going, just get yourself on facebook please. I think the novelty for many others has worn off by now..it started well, biut it's not the same..so thank you,you keep me going, although I've lost a few along the way, but that's their loss...i've got enough on my plate without their issues.
Tuesday, 3 May 2011
Thank you everyone
Whether it's been tea bags, football programs, letters, tweets, emails, skype calls or messages of concern on Facebook, I seriously wouldn't be getting through this without it all and you. Keep up the good work, keep calm and carry on and thank you.
Thursday, 28 April 2011
But I'm English
'what do I need to get a mobile phone on contract?'
3 months of bank statements, proof of address, ID
*presents documents*
'I can't give you a wage slip, you never said I needed a wage slip, Im not allowed to work, FFS ok I'll get my husband to take contract out in his name'
*gets letter from husband giving permission to obtain bank statements, 3 months worth and stamped by bank*
'here you go, all documents present and correct, what do you mean proof of address is in the wrong name? Why can't you accept it?'
*trundles home to get proof of address*
'you're having a laugh, I can't what?....take out a 24 month contract as I've only got 21 months left on visa, you made ne wait 3 months to get the bank statements'
3 months of bank statements, proof of address, ID
*presents documents*
'I can't give you a wage slip, you never said I needed a wage slip, Im not allowed to work, FFS ok I'll get my husband to take contract out in his name'
*gets letter from husband giving permission to obtain bank statements, 3 months worth and stamped by bank*
'here you go, all documents present and correct, what do you mean proof of address is in the wrong name? Why can't you accept it?'
*trundles home to get proof of address*
'you're having a laugh, I can't what?....take out a 24 month contract as I've only got 21 months left on visa, you made ne wait 3 months to get the bank statements'
Wednesday, 20 April 2011
and every time we think it cant get any worse....
Can't adopt a dog from the SPCA...our Visa is only for two years
Can't work...my Visa says visitor only
Alex has been poorly all week, don't know what's wrong with him, but at least it's not Visa related, temp of 38.7c
It's nearly winter...OK the sun still shines and the temps are in the 20s
The internet is bloody useless, keeps cutting out
The power keeps going off
The post is very very slow in reaching us...feels like we've been forgotten
Salary keeps getting buggered up
Hubby has had a tax bill from the UK
Discovery are still make legal demands from Dans hospital visit the first week we here
The house we are renting has dodgy electrics
and then this happened:
a loose glass panel decided to smash on the patio below, thankfully Alex didn't go over the top with it...I am so bloody angry
Can't work...my Visa says visitor only
Alex has been poorly all week, don't know what's wrong with him, but at least it's not Visa related, temp of 38.7c
It's nearly winter...OK the sun still shines and the temps are in the 20s
The internet is bloody useless, keeps cutting out
The power keeps going off
The post is very very slow in reaching us...feels like we've been forgotten
Salary keeps getting buggered up
Hubby has had a tax bill from the UK
Discovery are still make legal demands from Dans hospital visit the first week we here
The house we are renting has dodgy electrics
and then this happened:
a loose glass panel decided to smash on the patio below, thankfully Alex didn't go over the top with it...I am so bloody angry
Moving on.....
So the kids are settled in school, made friends, Dan is playing every sport under the sun (quite literally) Peter is busy with his work.....I’ve found us a house to rent, sorted out all the utility bills (see previous comments for the hassles there) unpacked all the furniture, made it ‘Home’...wrote 55 letters to family and friends, posted hundreds of photos on facebook and squillions of updates on twitter...so now what?
I’m bored, I’m lonely......’it’ll be ok, lucky you not having to work, you’ve got the glorious sunshine, what more could you ask for?’
Oh I don’t know maybe a bit of understanding about what it’s like to go from full time working Mum of xx amount of children.....cook, cleaner and bottle washer, student, taxi driver, social butterfly...lol...to what exactly?.....Peter takes the kids to school at 6.30am every morning and I collect at 4pm, then it’s off to soccer for Dan, dragging a protesting Alex along...so what’s new there then?....It’s a long 9 and a half hours to be alone every day...I’ve written back to everyone that’s written to me...I’ve shopped and posted pressies...feeling a little guilty about moving so far away...the house is spotless, so come whenever you like, you won’t catch me out...well maybe there will be ironing but there’s plenty of places to hide it.
So as I’m not getting the sympathy I so crave (you know who you are) I’ve got 1 option which is to just bloody well get on with it...people aren’t going to come and find me if they don’t know I’m there...so that leaves me 2 choices...and as I can’t play golf for toffee...I’m going to join the gym........
I’m bored, I’m lonely......’it’ll be ok, lucky you not having to work, you’ve got the glorious sunshine, what more could you ask for?’
Oh I don’t know maybe a bit of understanding about what it’s like to go from full time working Mum of xx amount of children.....cook, cleaner and bottle washer, student, taxi driver, social butterfly...lol...to what exactly?.....Peter takes the kids to school at 6.30am every morning and I collect at 4pm, then it’s off to soccer for Dan, dragging a protesting Alex along...so what’s new there then?....It’s a long 9 and a half hours to be alone every day...I’ve written back to everyone that’s written to me...I’ve shopped and posted pressies...feeling a little guilty about moving so far away...the house is spotless, so come whenever you like, you won’t catch me out...well maybe there will be ironing but there’s plenty of places to hide it.
So as I’m not getting the sympathy I so crave (you know who you are) I’ve got 1 option which is to just bloody well get on with it...people aren’t going to come and find me if they don’t know I’m there...so that leaves me 2 choices...and as I can’t play golf for toffee...I’m going to join the gym........
Thursday, 14 April 2011
Life is so different for kids here
It was Alex's 12th Birthday today and he invited 5 friends round to do what boys do and make a mess between the hours of 2pm and 6pm. 7 friends arrived at 9am this morning. I've made breakfast, lunch and tea with snacks and drinks inbetween and they've entertained themselves all day with the X box, the pool, darts and badminton.
The boys that came called me Ma'am, despite my insitance they call me Suzanne and were very polite. They are all South African from birth and have lived here all their lives.....but there was one thing that drove me mad and in the end I sat them down and we talked about the differences between South Africa and England....you see they all have Maids and while their Parents are at work during the school holidays, the maids look after them, they come and go during the day, she fixes them and all their friends lunch and she tidies up after them.....the boys were so messy, not toys etc but with their food, they spilt drinks and left it there, they dropped food on the stairs where they were walking around...they weren't rude, they weren't lazy they just didn't realise what they were doing.....so when I explained I was the maid here and I'd looked after them all day would they mind helping me to tidy up?......no problem, they swept, they mopped and they picked up all the rubbish off the floor, they laughed and messed around and we actually had fun....loads of thank you Suzanne for having us, can we come back tomorrow?.....NO...I don't want to see you all till Monday..but I know they'll be back, as I heard them say to Alex, you're Mum is so cool, we need to come back and finish off the cake...to which Alex replied....she wouldn't be cool if she was your Mum..I let him off...it's his birthday.
The boys that came called me Ma'am, despite my insitance they call me Suzanne and were very polite. They are all South African from birth and have lived here all their lives.....but there was one thing that drove me mad and in the end I sat them down and we talked about the differences between South Africa and England....you see they all have Maids and while their Parents are at work during the school holidays, the maids look after them, they come and go during the day, she fixes them and all their friends lunch and she tidies up after them.....the boys were so messy, not toys etc but with their food, they spilt drinks and left it there, they dropped food on the stairs where they were walking around...they weren't rude, they weren't lazy they just didn't realise what they were doing.....so when I explained I was the maid here and I'd looked after them all day would they mind helping me to tidy up?......no problem, they swept, they mopped and they picked up all the rubbish off the floor, they laughed and messed around and we actually had fun....loads of thank you Suzanne for having us, can we come back tomorrow?.....NO...I don't want to see you all till Monday..but I know they'll be back, as I heard them say to Alex, you're Mum is so cool, we need to come back and finish off the cake...to which Alex replied....she wouldn't be cool if she was your Mum..I let him off...it's his birthday.
Wednesday, 13 April 2011
WTF? You've obviously got issues.
I tweeted this last night....Spelling mistakes and all
'oh it got dark quick got to drive home now abd avoid the idiots #thisisafrica no such thing as MOTs abd working headlights'
How the fact is that offensive? and has caused one person to block me and another to have a right go at me on twitter
The #hashtag #thisisafrica was mentioned to me by a South African friend from Cape Town now living in Canada....they explained to me that everything you've ever experienced is different in Africa (South Africa) I've seen the hashtag used in many tweets and my use of it is to explain to people (manily people in the UK) that when something gets me down, or is difficult or is so very different from the UK, that I'm not judging the country for it's faults I'm letting the reader know that I understand it is different here..
Oh and the bit about the working headlights is fact.....no annual vehicle checks like MOTs or equivalant here...and the reference to the idiots is aimed at the people who drive without headlights...not all people in South Africa...so ner
'oh it got dark quick got to drive home now abd avoid the idiots #thisisafrica no such thing as MOTs abd working headlights'
How the fact is that offensive? and has caused one person to block me and another to have a right go at me on twitter
The #hashtag #thisisafrica was mentioned to me by a South African friend from Cape Town now living in Canada....they explained to me that everything you've ever experienced is different in Africa (South Africa) I've seen the hashtag used in many tweets and my use of it is to explain to people (manily people in the UK) that when something gets me down, or is difficult or is so very different from the UK, that I'm not judging the country for it's faults I'm letting the reader know that I understand it is different here..
Oh and the bit about the working headlights is fact.....no annual vehicle checks like MOTs or equivalant here...and the reference to the idiots is aimed at the people who drive without headlights...not all people in South Africa...so ner
Tuesday, 12 April 2011
'Can I use your loo?'
So picture the scene, you have workmen, visitors, family etc in your house...
'May I just pop to the loo?'
'Of course, 2nd door on the left...or turn right at the top of the stairs'
Now me personally if it's family or friends, yes upstairs, if it's workmen then it's the downstairs option only.
What goes through your mind as they go off to the loo?
Is it clean, is there a towel, did the kids piss all over the floor again...panic, panic...you meant to check it before they came round didn't you?
So your visitor has a dump, you know this because they've been up there for ages....after they've gone you check the loo...OK maybe not...but the next time you use it there's a slight odour, but you can smell the air freshener used to mask it, the sink may or may not have been swilled through, the towel may have dropped on the floor and maybe they've used the bleach and the toilet brush after them...... well you know what you'd do when using someones elses house that's why you go to the trouble of putting all the stuff there, cos you use it and do that after you've had a dump in your own toilet, so why wouldn't anyone else.
Well if you live in a shed if your really lucky, or a badly constructed lean too with a corrugated roof or really unlucky a cardboard one....(just remember we've just finished the rainy season)...you're going to have a total different set of standards and values aren't you?...and this is why the gardener will not be using my toilet again...I've spoken with the neighbours and their maid is going to open up their outside toilet for him to use.
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