My Garden in September 2025

Not much work was carried out in the garden, other than general tidying up, in September as we were away the first 3 weeks, then a week was spent recovering from the flights and the jet leg, then I started a new job.

Everything was so dry on our return. The ground was cracked as was the fruits and the tomato vines had collapsed with the weight and a lot of fruit had started to rot on the ground.

Anything that had survived was small in size and was starting to be eaten by insects.

There was a lot that was salvageable and very tasty.

The lawn obviously node mowing, but there had just about been the right amount of rain to stop it drying out, but not too much rain for it to have grown out of control.

I love the little flower growing in the cracks. It's been repotted now.

A mouse got into the cushion box.

I hoped I could protect the melons from the insects by reusing the mice nibbled cushion cover, I failed.

I reached genius level with this. Bamboo canes to direct the over flow from the water butt directly into the bucket.

At some point I'll have to speak to next door about her ivy plant, last time it over grew our fence causing it to collapse, she's rarely at home and we did have tenants who failed to keep up with garden maintenance. 

More crops from the garden.

The cantaloupe melons were small but delicious. I cut around where they'd been nibbled and had enough for 2 servings.

I've kept the seeds for next year.

Pots have been moved around, wooden cold frame in it's winter position and plastic cloche set up.

Pruning of the olive and rose bush before the first frosts.

Herbs repotted and moved to the front door step

Pumpkins grown from seed. I got the seeds from Canna at the Three Counties Autumn show last year from a previous World Record Pumpkin. 

knock on the pumpkins and if they sound wooden then they're ready to harvest.

There's still a bit of colour in the garden, some geraniums and I've planted pansies in the hanging basket out the front.

We've had more beans and tomatoes and whilst the peppers were small they were very tasty.

Week 41 - One Daily Positive and Project 365 - Stephanie One Year on without you.

The build up to this week has been horrendous. I always do this. I self sabotage. I'm on a sabbatical from work for a month after only a week of starting a new job. I try and put things into place knowing that I'm going to struggle. I think positive, I speak out, ask for help and say what I need, but no one listens. I self destruct, I get angry, I start to switch off, I want to be on my own. I want to run away.

Then as the day gets nearer, the anger subsides, the fear is lessened and my head is clearer and I'm free to just grieve, just cry and mourn the loss of Stephanie for what she meant to me, the loss not only just for Stephanie, but for me, my future without her.

No one grieves for or misses Stephanie other than Peter and I, or at least tells us that they do. No one else understands the impact Stephanie had on our lives, our little bit of the world and few understand the impact of how our lives are affected by the loss of Stephanie. 

Only a few people were capable of loving Stephanie.

Sunday 

Day 277 Slept till 8am. Packed up the van and met friends at the retail park in Newport for coffee. Home to find this rose on the doorstep from my lovely friend Amy, I was in tears when I saw its name. We unpacked the van, had dinner and just chilled out for the evening, mostly with the cat taking it in turns to claim us. 

Monday 

Day 278 Peters birthday and after a lie in and a lazy morning, we drove into town for a coffee and a walk round, did some shopping and home to do some work in the garden. Video calls with two of the kids and a nice relaxing day together. Clear blue skies and warm weather.

Tuesday 

Day 279 We marked the first anniversary of Stephanie’s death with a visit to the Forest of Dean to lay flowers in a place that is special to us. We had lunch and drove home. There were flowers from child 2 in Northern Ireland and a video call with our grandson who wanted me to play with the paw patrol tower in his bedroom in our house. We spent the evening in front of the tv refusing to acknowledge the clock as we’d decided we didn’t want to relive the day, just the happy times.

Wednesday 

Day 280 A difficult day. I went out to source a plumber and some brochures for new bathrooms whilst Peter started work on the downstairs loo. I had a coffee and picked up a couple of gifts. Home to spend the afternoon messaging my cousin in America, she’s been the most amazing support this year despite losing her mother. These gorgeous flowers arrived from her. Early bath, dinner and another evening in front of the tv.

Thursday 

Day 281 Morning spent searching for Chase. Granddaughter did a good job tidying after her visit but grandson was concerned things weren’t back in the right place. I also rehoused all the coats and shoes from the downstairs loo whilst Peter is decorating and I packed up all the gifts I’m taking for birthdays and Christmas to Northern Ireland at the end of the month. In the afternoon I visited my old student for an hour, went into Worcester for a coffee and new trainers then met two friends to watch Downton Abbey at the cinema.

Friday 

Day 282 After a lazy morning in bed till midday I finally got up and started my couch to 5k on the NHS app. I surprised myself and really enjoyed it. We went out for coffee, I finished reading a book and after dinner we watched tv.

Saturday 

Day 283 We headed out to Hanbury Park near Droitwich for the day. Enjoying a 4 mile walk, making coffee in the van and having a picnic before exploring the house. Home to change some photos in frames and make up some new ones, pack a Christmas box for my cousin in America and son in Australia and start making some Christmas cards.

Things to make you smile: 

Playing with grandson over a video call with the Paw Patrol Tower, we couldn't find Chase and his suggestion was I booked a ferry, travelled over in the camper van and he'd give me one of his so we could play together.

Things that made me happy:

Discovering I can actually run. I downloaded the couch to 5k app, bought new running trainers (mine gave up life on holiday) and I completed my first session with a walk/run of 2.5 miles in 28 minutes and I've signed up to my first park fun in November.

On the blog this week:

Stephanie - One year on without you. I'm Sorry.

Post Comment Love - Link up with any post written this week

Word of the week - Future

You are invited to the Inlinkz link party!

Click here to enter

10th - 12th October 2025 - Post Comment Love

Welcome back to #PoCoLo with Stephanie from Bosworth.Life and I.

Post Comment Love #PoCoLo is a friendly weekly linky where you can link up any blog post you've written this week. If you're new or a regular visitor we're sure you'll find something of interest.

We'd also appreciate your help spreading the #PoCoLo word on Twitter, tag us and we'll RT. You can find us on twitter here: Stephanie - @BosworthLife and Suzanne - @ChickenRuby 

I'll be catching up with reading your posts, sharing and commenting over the next few days. 

I've been feeling a bit fragile the past few weeks. When you need help you don't always know what you need and it's difficult to ask for it. Sometimes it's hard when you do know what help you need to actually say it out loud.

Please phone/message me without me asking you to or in response to my social media posts or just because it's the first anniversary of Stephanie's death.

Please invite me out to do something nice this week.

That's it, that's all.

Sounds very needy doesn't it? Ungrateful? People just don't know what to say, they've got their own lives, time moves on. Yes, indeed it certainly does. But for a handful of people, it didn't. They took the time and they stopped to put us first not just this week, but in the build up to the anniversary, the whole of the year. I am forever grateful and I will drop everything in the future for them if and when they need me.

OK, no one invited me out for a random coffee, but I did make my own plans and I went to the cinema with 2 friends last night to watch Downton Abbey. It gave me something to look forward to at the end of the week which I knew I'd need. I doubt they realised just how much.

Want to find out more about Post Comment Love #PoCoLo? 

You are invited to the Inlinkz link party!

Click here to enter

Word of the week - Future

I'm aware more than most just how fragile the future is.

We all make plans that don't come to fruition and we all have dreams that we know will never happen for a variety of reasons.

It's been a year since Stephanie died. She was such a part of my future. She was my future.

As our adult children left home, including Stephanie and we became expats and our last two children left home, we didn't really know what the future would hold for us. We had plans, we had dreams, we had expectations.

Peter would retire, we'd move back to the UK, I'd resume my career. We'd travel. My father died suddenly without warning and life stood still in 2017 for 6 months. I'd just finished a job and was embarking on a new career due to start the following month. I never got back into a routine, I didn't get a life back for me. I just drifted for the next few years, just waiting to restart. 

Grandchildren filled my time as I travelled between Dubai and the UK, relocating back here permanently in March 2020 in covid to be here for Stephanie, unsure of what the future would be again for the next 18 months.

We brought Peter's retirement forward, had an extension built and a new kitchen. I started working and it felt like for the first time in ages we had settled down, things were sorted. The kids were all settled and happy, we had been travelling, had travel booked, were spending time with our grandchildren. The house was sorted, we'd sold the flat and were rid of the stress of being landlords after living abroad. We bought a campervan. We started planning our new future.

We had a year with a grandchild needing surgery in and out of hospital and he still has moments here he is unwell, but no further surgery needed. Our lovely Bob the dog died aged 13 which upset us far more than we ever anticipated. Yes, we had some stress in our lives and we anticipated things would go wrong and there would be problems, but we knew we'd just have to cope with things and that together we'd be able to do this.

Day, to day, week to week, month by month and yearly plans and dreams were being put into place. The future was quiet, it was peaceful, it was what we had envisioned. 

We didn't have everything planned for our future, we also acknowledged that things wouldn't always go to plan. We might have to move before we're ready to due to ill health or disability. We might have to sell the van and give up our camping trips earlier than planned.

There is however a natural order to things. The future was me in my 80's after Peter died (he's 14 years older than me) in a coffee shop with Stephanie having lunch. My granddaughter with her children having collected me and driven me there for our monthly meet up.

I'd even told my 6 year old granddaughter I'd buy her a car when she was bigger so she could drive me to see Aunty Stephanie when she was a big girl.

Whatever we had planned, however far ahead we had booked in our diary, the future was always me in the coffee shop with Stephanie. 

That coffee shop will always be in my future and so will my granddaughter, whether it'll be in my old age, whether she will have children herself is to be seen, but as long as we can get to the coffee shop or at least get to each other, we can still have that future and I can make sure that Stephanie lives on in our family through our granddaughters memories of the brief time she got to spend with her.

Stephanie - One year on without you. I'm sorry.

I've tried to write this several times Stephanie and I'm finding it so hard. I can't believe a year has passed since you have died. 

Every postcard, letter, birthday or Christmas card written, every gift sent, every hello and every goodbye was the same. You didn't respond to us when you were alive. Every word spoken to you then went unanswered just as this message to you now.

Did you know who I was? Did you know how much I loved you? Cared for you missed you? Fought for you?

Were you even aware that all these things were possible?

I doubt you knew what day of the week it was, did you even have the concept of days of the week?

You knew when you were hungry, thirsty, when your pad needed changing, but you were unable to communicate that, ask for food or drink. You'd laugh or cry, pull your hair or ours, take yourself to your room or bang on the kitchen counter. It was all guess work with you Stephanie, a process of elimination, starting each time with your pad, a drink, then food, check your feet, make sure your clothing wasn't too tight, then what? Were you ill? tired? In the end you died because you couldn't tell anyone in time that you were unwell. Who knows if you'd been able to communicate that you were unwell, I might not be writing this letter to you.

Everything was a guessing game with you. Were you happy? Did you like the food you were given? Did you prefer cold drinks? Did you want more cakes and chocolates or were you a savoury girl like your dad?

You ate what we gave you, you drank what you were given. You stole food from your brother's plates, they would fight for their Yorkshire puddings, you'd win. 

Did we read into your responses that you preferred one thing to another? Did we choose not to give you a certain food, drink or experience because we saw a negative reaction one day and assumed it was because you didn't like it.

I'm sorry for taking the raw onion off you when you grabbed it in the kitchen, when you pulled a face but carried on eating it, you might have been enjoying it, but the social norms said not to let you eat it. I'm sorry I let you eat the garden snail that one time. I tried to remove it from your mouth. I was gagging as you crunched through the shell, you bit my fingers and clamped your mouth shut. In the end I walked away from the sound of the chewing but not too far that I couldn't see you until you had finished, then gave you a drink.

In that case I'm sorry for all those times and all those times I missed the signs that you were uncomfortable or were unwell or just pissed off with me or just wanted to be on your own in your room, but we dragged you out. I'm sorry I shut the car door on your fingers. I've never forgiven myself for that.

After you died I discovered the staff in your supported living had kept every card and letter I'd even written. They were chewed and battered, they had read them to you, they had given them to you to hold. Then after you tried to eat it like you did with everything placed into your hand or you swiped, you dropped them to the floor. 

I'm not sorry I fought for you, loved you and I'm not sorry if I got it wrong. I'm not sorry for the meltdowns I had in various supermarkets and coffee shops about the state of the disabled toilets. I'm not sorry for telling people to 'fuck off, life is hard enough as it is' without their thoughtless comments or stares and physical pushing into you as I struggled with a trolley, your bag, a door and a step.

I'm sorry that it's all over. That you don't get to be spit on me one last time, or get to pull my hair or leave me feeling absolutely shattered at the end of the day having taken you out for a coffee or a food shop. That I don't get to lift you in and out the car, while you dig your finger nails into my arm, or drag you round the supermarket anymore or pick you up off the floor because you're tired or change your pad and stop you from grabbing me or the pad and the dirty surfaces in an enclosed space. That I don't get to fight with the staff about remembering to put your socks on inside out so the seam doesn't rub your feet and cause blisters or sigh and raise my eyebrows and go through the whole why you had to wear certain boots to support your ankles and not these flimsy ones, they kept buying you because they were fashionable.

I'm also sorry not no one else shares our loss, that no one else misses you, no one else talks about you. 

Looking after you was hard. We were fortunate that we had lots of external support due to your complex needs. It wasn't a choice not to have you living at home. It wasn't a choice to love you.

Your death resolves us of worry, for your future, what happens to you after we've gone, who fights for you after we're no longer here. That was as much a part of our lives as you were. It came in equal measures. You are no longer with us, our hearts ache for you, our loss, our future without you.

I'm sorry there won't be anymore photos.

Week 40 - One daily Positive and Project 365

After getting off to a flying start with my new job, I crashed and burned on Monday and it took a lot for me to go in on Tuesday and after lunch I was sent home. I managed to get back in on Wednesday and by 11am I was back home again with an agreement in place that I will take a sabbatical, take the time I need to grieve Stephanie as we approach the one year anniversary on Tuesday next week, reset and start again after the half term.

Sunday 

Day 270 A day at the three counties show with child 2, his wife and the grandchildren. A roast dinner and I went to bed the minute they left as I was aching from head to toe. 

Monday 

Day 271 Stopped on the way to work to take a photo of the autumn mist. Work is mentally challenging and exhausting. Hope it settles soon. Home to do nothing, everything aches, bath, watched TV and in bed by 9pm.

Tuesday 

Day 272 I really struggled in work today and it all came out. I’m really struggling as we approach the anniversary of Stephanie’s death, made more difficult by the lack of support from family (not the kids) and lack of friends around us (distance) not helped by starting a new job and the constant anxiety of being asked about my family. Sent home early. Went to the football. Had to leave early for my train home and missed the equaliser.

Wednesday 

Day 273 I felt more positive in work, then someone asked me how I was and as much as I tried to convince them and myself I was ok I ended up telling them about Stephanie. Work suggested I take the rest of the month off and start again after half term and have been extremely supportive considering I only started last week. I went home and just had a good cry, chilled out, read my book and went to bed early. The photo out the bedroom window hasn’t had a house behind the hedge since we moved in, in 2002. The one on the right is numbered 64 and on the left is 68. No 66 will be built soon.

Thursday 

Day 274 I had a productive day rearranging the back room and dining room and sorting through the Halloween decorations. Moved the garden pots ready to put under the cold frame and bought more compost ready to pot up some bay cuttings. Had my nails done and met up with Peter for a coffee. Had dinner, a bath and watched TV.

Friday 

Day 275 We stopped in Hereford for lunch, Abergavenny for a walk and set the van up in Tredegar Country Park for the weekend. Walked around the National Trust House, visited the local pub for dinner and dried off in the van watching the football. Asleep by 9.30pm.

Saturday 

Day 276 A lazy morning then into Cwmbran to visit nephew and family, a spot of lunch, some shopping and back to the van to read, watch football and have an early night.

Things to make you smile: 

I overheard two women talking about all their food allergies as in health style choices and one declared, 'there are so many foods I no longer enjoy, I might as well become coeliac' I'm not sure she gets it.

Camping in South Wales during Storm Amy. Well we were in the campervan.

Things that made me happy:

Being able to say 'I can't cope' and not having to offer a solution. Being listened to and a plan being put into place. Camping, visiting family and friends.

On the blog this week:

Post Comment Love - Link up with any post written this week

Word of the week - Welcome

16 years of blogging

You are invited to the Inlinkz link party!

Click here to enter

Post Comment Love 3rd - 5th October 2025 The end of a year.

Welcome back to #PoCoLo with Stephanie from Bosworth.Life and I.

Post Comment Love #PoCoLo is a friendly weekly linky where you can link up any blog post you've written this week. If you're new or a regular visitor we're sure you'll find something of interest.

We'd also appreciate your help spreading the #PoCoLo word on Twitter, tag us and we'll RT. You can find us on twitter here: Stephanie - @BosworthLife and Suzanne - @ChickenRuby 

I'll be catching up with reading your posts, sharing and commenting over the next few days. 

It'll be a year on Tuesday 7th October since Stephanie died and I'll be honest I have struggled. I've written about it lots, because Stephanie was a huge part of me and life without her as we knew it has just stopped. I wouldn't say it has changed, because it hasn't in regards, to the things we do, the places we visit, but the hole that has been left just can't be filled. It's so hard to explain how life can stop but yet go on at the same time.

In so many ways things like telephone calls, conversations, just random chats were never there, so they can't be missed. Stephanie took our time, our worries, our effort and energy. There's no guilt, no wasted time, no what if's. There's just a hole, tears, a pain, a gasp for air and just random staring into space midway through a conversation or mundane activity like doing the washing up.

During this year we've had two new grandchildren who have brought so much joy, we've travelled, I've started a new job. There is so much to be thankful for and we'll always be thankful to Stephanie as she was the one who bought our family together in the first place.

I wanted to do something in Stephanie's memory, we don't have a place to visit. So last weekend I took part in an Ultimate50Challenge in the Chilterns walking 25kms in 6 hours with a 30 min lunch stop raising £850 for Bowel Research.

This Tuesday we'll be taking a walk back in the woods where we used to take Stephanie as a child, just the two of us, a gentle stroll, a cup of tea back in the van and we'll get fish and chips on the way back and eat them by the river.

Want to find out more about Post Comment Love #PoCoLo? 

You are invited to the Inlinkz link party!

Click here to enter

16 years of blogging 2009-2025

My first blog post was published on the 2nd October 2009. 16 years ago today. It was all about finding a way to 'tweet longer' 

In the early days of twitter people used to really know one another, we'd chat daily, got to know  each other's husbands and kids, shared achievements and sorrows and in general had a lot of fun. 

My favourite was #fancydressfriday the previous week's winner would vote for the new person. It was taken very seriously with some great costumes.

Shortly after writing that first post, we were asked to move to South Africa with Peter's job and my blog became all about expat life in South Africa and Dubai. This involved a lot of travel which has continued and for which we have many more plans for and my blog documented family life as we travelled back and forth and saw us transitioning from full time parents, to empty nesters, to grandparents and to the recent loss of our eldest child. I also discovered a passion for gardening when we moved to South Africa and I managed to grow a variety of fruit and veg in the sand in Dubai and our garden is something we're both developing since relocating to the UK.

In Dubai I also started documenting construction projects. Photographing buildings in various stages and revisiting places around the world, for which I have lots more to update after a recent trip to Dubai.

There has been a variety of work opportunities for both Peter and me, from volunteering in townships to working on the European Golf Tour. Peter's retirement saw us return to the UK in 2021 during Covid with the cat and the dog who of course were documented with Animal Tales. 

Whilst I continue to blog, I do it these days for me. I hope one day that blogging makes a return in popularity. I loved the 'realness' of it when I first started, however it change quickly when people started monetising it, but as new platforms emerged it has become more wholesome again.

I'm still blogging with people I met from 2009. I've met up with many in real life. My first post became a regular weekly when we moved to Dubai in 2015 when I started #OneDailyPositive 

In 2019 I teamed up with Stephanie from @bosworthlife to co-host #pocolo Post Comment Love - where you can join in and link up with any post written in the week.

Currently I write a post each month about the garden, trips in our camper van, the best parts of the month and somewhere we've visited usually with the grandchildren. I also write a weekly One Daily Positive post that is linked up with Project 365 and I've recently joined in with Word of the Week where I write about something that's been on my mind.

Blogging over recent years has helped me through the grief of losing my father, several friends, our dog and our daughter. 

I enjoy reading back through old posts, meeting new people through the linkies, keeping up to date with people I've known but never met, who really feel like friends. I find it therapeutic. I like the idea of leaving a legacy for the grandchildren.

I'll leave you with some photos and my first blog post.

#fancydressfriday Twitter

Having fun this week as the winner of #fancydressfriday. Wearing my costume at a variety of locations. Hubby slightly amused over the weekend now thinks I'm completely bonkers, which I probably am. Nagged 17 year old son to crawl round the loft space until he found something I could wear. I rejected his first choice of a Santa hat. His reply 'for god sake Mum, get a life.' Now bribing the kids to take photos.

Spent Friday night celebrating my win with a glass of Rum and coke. Did ask if I could crack open the champagne, that didn't even raise a smile from Hubby. Firmly told 'no' 'grow up'. Then did some sewing as my 14 year old son left for France on Saturday morning with Sea Cadets aboard the TS John Jerwood. By Tuesday he and the crew had made it to Brighton Marina. And finally to bed in costume, hubby lost his patience by now and refused to talk to me till I took the dam thing off, slept like a baby dalek all night in it.

Saturday saw me in #fancydressfriday at Barnard's Green Cricket Club for Malvern Town Wanderers football open day. A huge success we signed 23 mini kickers, gave away goodie bags and footballs. I helped serve up the bacon butties and drinks to parents whilst dressed as a Dalek.

Sunday was the autumn show at the Three Counties Showground, did a bit of gardening in the morning in #fancydressfriday then spent a lovely afternoon with 10 year old son buying useless things that may come in handy one day. Not sure when that day will be but sure we'll find out soon.

Monday in the office all day sorting out case files and chasing up some loose ends. Got spotted by the neighbours hanging up the washing in #fancydressfriday. Tried to explain twitter but they didn't have a clue. I have 2 twitter friends in my town but haven't met either of them yet. Gave up 2 hours of my time to 'help' hubby set up his new computer. For 'help' read 'watch'.

Tuesday spent hanging round the garage, in Cheltenham, for the best part of the day. Popped in to see step daughter for a bounce on the trampoline and cup of tea. Then off to Asda for the weekly shop. Hubby hid #fancydressfriday costume and I finally found it in a case in his office just in time to bake my son his Gluten free cakes for school.

Wednesday a really boring day. Housebound and cleaning windows, bathrooms, dusting and hovering all in #fancydressfriday costume, got a bit hot and there wasn't anyone in so set up the camera on the timer which took more shots of the back of me as I tried to get it right. 17 year old son came home with a friend and is still not speaking to me as I showed him up, his mate, however, is wetting himself laughing and thinks it's great, finally had an audience to talk twitter to as he had at least heard of it but said he doesn't tweet as it's for old people. Cheeky bugger. Hubby away for the night so had uninterrupted fun on Face book.

Thursday in the office for the morning persuaded a colleague to take a photo of me at my desk, although there was a condition I had to let him have a copy of the photo. Agreed as he was the only one in the office that noticed I had had my hair done last week and now have lots of blonde streaks. Don't know if everyone else in the office has noticed it or doesn't like it. Who knows? Who cares? My evening was spent running kids around to various activities.

It is now Friday and my last day of #fancydressfriday. Didn't wear my costume on my epic journey from Worcester to Ramsgate return leaving home at 4am and returning at 2pm. 447 miles and was only there for 10 minutes to collect son and 3 Sea Cadet buddies after they spent the week sailing to France. I won't be putting the costume back in the attic just yet as I wear it every year to hand out the goodies on Halloween. It's sad now that the kids are no longer interested in this activity. 10 year old will go out for half an hour if he can persuade anyone to take him, to rob the neighbours of their sweets but isn't interested in dressing himself or the house up, thankfully the boys still love Christmas, although I think they humour me with the decorating. Will sit down this evening and search for #fancydressfriday and announce the winner live on twitter. I wonder if they will do the same next week or just keep their avatar up. Hope the spirit of #fancydressfriday continues. Last job to do in #fancydressfriday is to wash the costume. Off to bed early tonight as this week’s activities have left me exterminated.
Finally quote from hubby 'thank f*** for that, now will you pay the family some attention this week' huh see above what does he think I've been doing all week?