When did I become a woman in her 40's?

June 2011 was when I turned 40 but no one mentioned it until last week

I went to the opticians, I don't need glasses, apparently my eye sight is very good for a woman in her 40's. That afternoon I went to get my eye brows waxed and the beautician said my skin was very good for a woman in her 40's. At least she didn't ask if I wanted my upper lip waxing.




I was mortified, I'm in my 40's, the only way is down now. I've had grey hair on my head since my mid 20's, but down below? Arrrggghh when did that happen? The middle aged spread has spread out of control and I've now worked out a plan to stop it spreading further. I wear factor 50 suncream daily, mind you it's hot here, so stared to rub it on the back of my hands after washing them throughout the day, to reduce the scrawny skin

I don't have bingo wings yet? But have started to wave with my arm by myside in case the time comes when I slap people in the face as they walk past.




I stand in front of the mirror and see my Mum. Not my Mum as she was in her 40's but my Mum as she is now at nearly 70. Mind you if I reach my 70's and look as fab as she does now I will be happy, but I don't want to look like her now.



I never noticed my 30's, I was a young Mum with kids and prior to having them I was never skinny, I've had this set of boobs since I was 15 and despite 3 kids they are pretty much the same size, just shaped differently, with a fair amount escaping around the sides and they do need alot more support than they used to.




I sleep for max 6hrs a night and remember my gran telling me that she used to get 8 hrs nightly but by the time she was in her 70's 4hrs was enough for her.




s there anything left for me to look forward to? I have gum disease, it's hereditary, so good bye teeth. Also gall bladder, thyroid, diabeties, heart disease, but no varicose veins, which I suppose I should be greatful for?




So what next? Nothing I tell you, I'll carry on plodding along married to a fabulous man who at 55 is aging gracefully, as men do (bastard) reminding how greatful he should be to be married to a much younger women (his midlife crisis) whilst deciding on what to do for mine.



Can't afford a sports car......can't keep up with hubby as it is, without the hassle of finding a toy boy, don't fancy a tattoo. *opens the gin*

They call my son a 'Salty'

Well it's been 2 years since we arrived from the UK to South Africa. Don't get me wrong I absolutly LOVE South Africa and wouldn't change living here for the world.

It's not SA that's caused the problems, it's the lack of support from a company my Husband has been employed with for 27 years. I've read many experiences from other 'trailing spouse' expats around the world and they've all experienced similar things, commonly that of isolation, lonliness, depression. That has been what's helped me and is moving me forward.

So a lot of thinking has been done over the past few weeks, alot of reflection and moving on, but not forgiveness.

I've moved on in many ways, measured by my achievements, not only was it a difficult process to close down the UK side of things, tenants, bank accounts, change of address, organising shipping etc, it was a million times more difficult to open up SA alone, in a foreign country, not knowing how anything works, where to go, what to do? Do we need TV licences? Is there car tax? what about MOT's etc?

You see I'm British born and raisied and I only know the British way of doing things.....or do I?

I think I've arrived now, understand how things work, have renewed policies, had daily dramas such as emergency ER trips and just got on with normal life, shopping, dental check ups, school runs.

But yesterday I realised I'm actually in 'no mans land' Last week I asked if cheque books were still in use in the UK, many understood and knew that I'd been out of the UK for 2 years and answered, but a few were quite scathing in their reply, almost taking the piss 'ooohhh don't you know?'

I also had to ask about family allowance (I gave mine up when we left). I no longer know or care about the exchange rate, we are paid in local currency and as long as the UK tenants rent covers our actual outgoings it's not a problem.

But I'm still getting confused. I arranged to meet Hubby in Cafe Nero, he was there on time at Mugg and Bean and he didn't even cotton on that I'd mixed the two coffee chains up. I asked the kids to SKY + a programme for me and all hell broke out....'sky + ha ha ha ha ha don't you mean DSTV'? (annoying little brats) I popped out to Morrisons to do the food shop and hubby said 'that was quick' I'd actually been to Pick n Pay. On my last trip to the UK I sat at the fuel station for almost 5 minutes before I remembered I had to fill my own car, pack my own bags in the supermarkets and actually have to reverse out of a car park space without assistance.

There's lots about SA I don't like and could do without, mainly people's inabilities to make firm arrangements and answer queries within any sort of time scale, but I don't miss dirty public toilets, the over crowding, rudeness and agression that I so often witnessed in the UK...but I do miss the snow.

So why do they call my son a 'Salty?'

He has one foot in each Contienent and his Balls are dangling in the sea.

Expat Life

I've done a blog post swop, wht's that I hear you ask? Well I write an article for The Expat Hub and they write one for my blog.

After 2 years, I'm still struggling with the points below, but acceptance is coming as I meet more expats and openly discuss my feelings.



Settling in can be hard


Moving abroad and away from friends and family is never an easy decision to make. Everyone moves for their own reasons whether it is because a partner has landed a new job, or simply that you want to retire to sunnier climes. Depending on your circumstances there is a good chance that you will encounter some problems along the way. We take a look at some of the most common problems suffered by expats and how to overcome them.

Loneliness

By far the most common problem reported by expats wherever they are. Moving away from your loved ones and in some cases living in a nation with a completely different language can lead expats to feel isolated and alone. It’s a well known fact that many expats remain hidden inside their homes for the first few months after their move, this is because they find it difficult to socialise and mix with their new neighbours.

The best way to overcome loneliness is to push yourself to try and get involved in the local community, after all what are you going to achieve by hiding indoors all day? Check the local press for clubs and meetings to join. Do volunteer work at a charity or school, anything to get you out and mixing with the world.

The internet is also a great way of making contact with the outside world. You could join our Expathub forum and interact with other expats in similar situations. A problem shared and all that. A good trick that expats use is the fact that when you move abroad nobody really knows you! It’s the perfect opportunity to reinvent your-self.

Cultural differences

The issue of cultural differences when moving overseas is often a problem for expats. Some nations are home to a completely different way of life compared to what you’re used to so it definitely pays to do some research on your destination before you move. By knowing about the culture of your new home you can prepare yourself for the differences and be aware of what will be expected of you if you run into problems.

If you’re even contemplating about leaving your homeland for pastures new then you must be fairly adventurous already. The old saying ‘when in Roma, do as the Romans do’ is just as relevant today as when it was first said centuries ago.

Relationship problems

For any move overseas to be successful everyone involved needs to want it “as much as each other”. While there are very few cases where all parties are pulling in the same direction at the same speed and with the same strength, there needs to be a general consensus that the move overseas is in the best interests of all concerned.

Sadly many expat relationships break up after a fairly short period of time in their new country because one is unhappy or doesn’t share their partner’s enthusiasm. Don’t use a move abroad as a new chance to patch up a relationship, chances are that it will make things worse and you could end up being stranded in a foreign country. Overall if you’re going to emigrate make sure both sides of a partnership want it the same amount.

This article was provided by The Expat Hub the number one stop for expatriates looking for advice, support and information.

Breast feeding

Lets get this straight, it's very easy to mis read a tweet, it's also very easy to assume the writers intention and meaning of a tweet.

Today I've been reading lots of posts about 'why I have the right to breast feed?' they've been all over twitter and facebook.

I've read a few, but the whole topic is neither here nor there to me because my children are teenagers. I have 3. 1st was bottle fed, 2nd a mix of both and 3rd breastfed till he was 6 months old.

I didn't breast feed in public because I didn't fancy sitting in the toilets to do so. I didn't breast feed in the cafe or any other public place becasue I didn't feel comfortable, NOT because anyone made me feel uncomfortable. I also didn't breast feed in my own home in front of parents and grand parents a) because the men folk are of old school and rightly or wrongly it made them feel uncomfortable b) there was pressure on me to ensure that they'd had enough.


I asked today on twitter

'Suzanne J S ‏@chickenruby


What are all these pro active breast feeding posts?????? What are they 'in response' to? Really have to search hard to find negative comments'

Because I don't see tweets or status updates on facebook from people who say Breast feeding isn't natural, or it should be done discretely, but then I am selective about who I follow and having teenagers I don't tend to follow too many people with babies anyway.

But it appears my comments upset a few, for which I apologise for their inability to read a tweet and/or ask me to elaborate. I made a mistake as I did add:

'I always see these breast feeding tweets, blogs etc and often think they're unnecessary'

but in my defenence it was in reply to the person who told me about an Australian on TV who said that Breast feeding in public was OK as long as it was done discretely.


What followed was not an onslaught of my twitter account but a couple of responses and then a blog about people being judgemental about individuals rights. I can't see where I was judgemental, I agree online support is great for those who need it, but I also think and feel sorry for people who want to and can't breast feed for whatever reasons, yet are exposed to 'breast is best' slogans and I know when I chose to bottle feed my first son, I was made to feel as if I wasn't going to be a good mum and was actually told by people who were 'well meaning', inc the midwife, that bonding for me would be difficult.

Fortunatly this was 21 years ago this May and I'm pleased to say my son and I have a fantastic relationship even if he does live 6000 miles away.



My 2nd child I didn't feel I had the choice, he is 18 on Wednesday. I was constantly asked by the midwife, friends, family etc what my feeding plans were right from the minute I announced my pregnancy. I didn't enjoy breast feeding, I saw it as something I HAD to do and I had mastitis and gave up.

With my 3rd child, 14 in April, there were no 'feeding questions' no insensitive midwives, everyone sort of left me alone as they assumed I knew what I was doing and by leaving me alone I breast fed, quietly, still in my living room or bedroom as I planned trips out around feeding times, the other kids were in school, there was no stress, I was older and I enjoyed it.

I'm sure there's a lesson in there somewhere.

When did your child fully understand sex?

Last night my youngest was giggling his head off over a picture he had found of 2 giraffes mating, he'd been online googling stuff. He'd also been in the (almost) 18yo's room and had already told on him for putting semi naked pictures of girls on his bedroom wall, he thought it may upset any visitors, especially girls. Hubby was more concerned about the marks left from the blue tack.



My youngest is 13, youngest of 4 boys, so the magic (lies) about father christmas and the tooth fairy were over a long time ago, around the same age that he started to learn and use swear words taught to him by his older brothers and his Mother (me) as after raising 4 boys all different in their needs and personalities got too much.




For a good few years he's been giggling if me and hubby kiss (even a peck on the cheek) pretended not to be watching something on the TV if it was 'rude' made inappropriate comments to his brothers when they've had girlfriends and was probably 9 the last time I could walk into the bathroom room without him covering his bits and yelling at me to 'get out'.



But I think now at 13 (14 in April) he has finally 'got it' and understands it all. There is a processing time that has been evident before, a giggle, followed by '(insert name) stop talking about it' Discretley walking out the room when sex scenes are on the telly. He knocks on the bedroom door and yells 'are you decent?' and actully waits before charging in.



Last night we were all sitting outside, a modern family, each on our own tabs when he suggested I have another baby to keep me company when he leaves home, he then looked up and said 'but that would mean you'd have to have sex' I told him that people can have sex without making babies and he asked how? Hubby took over the conversation at this point and told him about contraception for both men and women and how condoms also prevent sexual diseases. There was no silliness from either party, just a straight forward conversation, but as he left Hubby said to him, 'any further questions just ask, don't go googling it'


What made me realise that it had finally dawned on him, was the trip to Kruger Park in September when we came across the Hippos 'doing it'



How old was your child when they understood what it was all about? Not just the facts? Can you remember how old you were? I can't. I was always saying the wrong thing, even asked a boy once when I was 14 if 'he'd have it off with me at the Disco' I of course meant 'get off with me'