Monday, 14 July 2025

Life goes on - without Stephanie

'Give it a year and a day'

'It'll be easier once you've got through all those firsts'

'Life goes on'

Our last visit with Stephanie. We had no idea.


Yes it is getting easier going through all those firsts.

But not because it gets easier, but because all those firsts hit you like a ton of bricks and the rawness of her death hits so bloody hard. But as the next first approaches, you start to prepare. Book the day off work, book something nice to do on the day.

Christmas - not being able to buy presents and write her card, get gifts for the staff, visit her, take her out. I did a non Christmas shopping trip for Stephanie to get things out my system. I already had a bit of a list going before she died in October. I picked things up, I checked the size, the ingredients on treats and toiletries, then I put it back down on the shelf. We bought gifts and a card for the staff and dropped it round as we always did, just this time Stephanie wasn't there. 

I miss wiping her spit of my hands and arms and coat, miss my hair being pulled and I wear it down now more often, I struggled to find a disabled toilet that is clean enough to use.

9 months on when I use a public toilet I still check to see if the disabled one is clean. I can't help it. I did it all the time when I was out, so I knew where I could take her next time on a day out. The trend was if it was clean once, it'll be clean 90% of the time and staff would be receptive to freshening it up if I asked.


For Halloween, Valentines and Easter I'd put together a little parcel of gifts. Things to decorate her room and something to eat and wear.

I send these boxes to the grandchildren as well. Now I pop in a little treat for me and I send the decorations to my son and his girlfriend in Australia, instead.  I still get to buy all the things, I still get to send them.

Stephanie's birthday - I couldn't face work and called in sick. We went to Clifton in Bristol. Her boarding school where she lived from the age of 12-18. We had her home almost every weekend, driving down after work on a Friday with her 4 brothers in tow and back up the motorway home. A 3 hour trip. Drop offs on the Sunday would usually be just the one of us. Or we'd go down as a family on a Saturday and visit her grandmother and cousins.


Mother's Day and Father's Day - These were hard. We still have mother's to buy for, we still have children who will send cards and buy for us. Mother's Day snook up on me because of this. Remembering you're still a mum, but there is one child missing.

On Father's Day we went to Gloucester, for a coffee and some shopping where we used to take her. It doesn't make us feel closer to her, it's just part of our routine that stopped when she died.

My birthday last month, in June. I had some gorgeous flowers from family and friends. The last time we had this many flowers was when Stephanie died. It was nice to have bright, colourful flowers to change the image in my head from before.


Holidays are still a struggle. We would send a card and buy her a gift. We went to Las Vegas over Christmas just to be a million miles away. I sent a postcard to the staff and bought them a t towel for the kitchen. It gave us an excuse to pop back in.


We won't be popping back in again though. There's a new person in her room, some of the staff have changed. But we've decided we'll send our last holiday post card from Australia next month.

That just leaves the last day memory that we saw her and Peter's birthday. The day before she died.

We deliberated going to visit her for the day, but as we were going the following weekend, we decided to go for a coffee into Worcester instead. I don't know what happened to her card and gift from her for her dad. I guess they were going to give it to him the following weekend, then decided not to. Maybe they were taking her out in the week to shop.


The bin lorry ritual. Every Monday morning I'd take a photo of the bin lorry and send it so our grandson (he loves bin lorries) then I'd make my coffee and go to work.


Every Monday morning after that I'd watch the bin lorry as I made my coffee and relive every minute of that day. I'd struggle to get out the house. I was off work for 7 weeks and on my return I'd have to break my journey and sit in the park to have my coffee, find somewhere else to park as I was on half days for 3 months and my leaving time was the same time I left work to drive to the hospital on the day she died.

Life does indeed go on, we're joining in with it more, dwelling less on all the sadness although the sadness is still very much there. Every day Stephanie is in our thoughts and in our conversation.

We have planted a Jasmine called Stephanese outside the front door and have a pot of Angel Wing bulbs that flowered for Mothers Day that were planted with our granddaughter after the funeral.

There's a In Memory Rose that my mum gave us to mark the 6 month anniversary of her death, that was planted with our grandson, it flowered for Father's Day and there was a new bloom for my birthday.


There's always been photos of Stephanie around our home. Now there is an additional frame of her with all her siblings in the hallway, our family. There are 3 more grandchildren to add to the frame as sadly they never got to meet her their Aunty Stephanie before she died.

I'll be booking the day of her death, one year on, off work. We've no idea what we'll be doing yet. Maybe go for a walk in the Forest of Dean where we used to live and wander around the Arboretum, her favourite spot, where she was happy, sitting amongst the leaves.

I'm writing this blog post because we were going out in the evening and we'd be home late so must remember to put the bins out for the morning and I realised that while I'm still aware of the bin lorry and my coffee routine before work, it no longer triggers me. I no longer relive the Monday morning over and over.

But as life goes on around us and our family grows, we live life very differently. Stephanies life serves to remind us of the compassionate people we have in our lives, we're no longer mourning those who have left us, whether they died of their friendship just dropped away.

We're grateful for every minute of every day and make the most of everything we have. 

Life is fragile, it can go in an instance.

Sunday, 13 July 2025

Week 28 - One Daily Positive and Project 365

Work is so depressing. I've carried on doing my job to the full despite knowing they're not renewing my contract. They said they were looking at alternative ways for September but my students keep asking me what will happen and no answers are forthcoming.

It was 8 years on Friday since my father died, it triggered an emotion linked to Stephanie, as both deaths were sudden, traumatic and I was a witness to them both.

I put off gall bladder surgery earlier this year as Stephanie died in the operating theatre, it's now something I have to face after being in hospital last weekend. I have investigations booked for Tuesday next week and the following week an appointment with the surgeon. All on the NHS, it's moving that quickly.

Day 188
Work ok as it can be as I only have two weeks left. Into town to meet Peter for a coffee, had cereal for dinner, a bath and in bed by 9pm I was exhausted.


Day 189
A lie in as I didn't have to be at my interview until 9am. Back into work for first break. I left my ID documents at home so popped back in after work. I've been feeling really despondent over the past few days, maybe because I need surgery, maybe because I've only 2 weeks left in the job I love and maybe because I'm going through the interviewing process. Home to sort some paperwork, dinner, bath and an early night.


Day 190
I'm in such a sad mode at the moment with work, gall bladder surgery, thinking about Stephanie. I stopped in town for a coffee and to buy some end of term gifts for my students. Home and busied myself with dusting and tidying for a couple of hours. Had a bath and went to bed at 9pm. Showing our granddaughter how tall the sunflowers are.


Day 191
I was really upset in work today. Found out the plans for my students next year, which don't include me. Also didn't get the new job I applied for and now have to look further afield. One of students arranged a little leaving party with snack, decorations and balloons which was lovely. . Spent the evening cleaning the extension and rearranging the furniture, it had become a bit of a dumping ground and is now a nice relaxing room again. Didn't get to bed till midnight after packing my bags, filling the water tank in the van and putting it on charge.


Day 192 
After work I drove down to the Forest of Dean where I'm camping for one night. I set the van up, made dinner then took a 30 minute walk in the heat down to Lydney Docks to meet DIL and grandchildren for a couple of hours. Lift back to the van, washed up, chatted with my neighbours. Read my book and went to sleep when it got dark.


Day 193
Early morning wake up from the birds, lay in bed reading and drinking tea. Packed up by 10am and off to fetch mum to take her to Monmouth for a couple of hours. After dropping her off, I was back to Monmouth where I'm camping on a friend's drive for another night as we went out for dinner. Home by 9pm and an early night in the van.


Day 194
Woke around 5am as I tend to do when we're camping as it's when the birds start singing, drifted back to sleep. Friend's daughter came out with a cup of tea at 8am after her and her brother had written themselves a note to remind them in the morning. We chatted and chilled till mid morning then went into town for a coffee. I packed up and left at 1pm getting home just after 2pm. I picked Peter up and went for a coffee. It was too hot to be outside and Peter had to come and help me empty the waste water from the van. Rest of the evening spent in the extension reading and blogging.


Things to make you smile:
Note from friend's children, gift from a student at school.


Things that made me happy:
Remembering to order son's new football top and it arriving before our trip to Australia. Time with the grandchildren and friends, camping.

On the blog this week:

Post Comment Love - link up with any post written this week
Word of the Week - Concert
The best bits of June 2025 From Paris to Porthcawl


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Saturday, 12 July 2025

Word of the Week - Concert

On Saturday night we were watching ELO in concert on the telly.

On Sunday night we were in Birmingham watching ELO, live.


I thought I'd just see if there were any last minute tickets available and there we were 18 rows from the stage.

I'm a Birmingham City fan, so of course my favourite song is Mr Blue Sky and what an experience to hear ELO sing it live. 


Sadly I heard on Friday that Jeff Lynne was unwell and they'd cancelled the 2nd date in Manchester, just before the show was due to go on. I hope he will be ok, but I imagine at 80 this tour was taking a toll on him. He'd been in a car accident and had broken his hand and wasn't playing the guitar. 

Word of the Week linky

Friday, 11 July 2025

Post Comment Love 11-13th July 2025 - ELO

Welcome back to #PoCoLo with Stephanie from Bosworth.Life and I.

Post Comment Love #PoCoLo is a friendly weekly linky where you can link up any blog post you've written this week. If you're new or a regular visitor we're sure you'll find something of interest.

We'd also appreciate your help spreading the #PoCoLo word on Twitter, tag us and we'll RT. You can find us on twitter here: Stephanie - @BosworthLife and Suzanne - @ChickenRuby 

What a weekend since my last post. 

I spent Friday and Saturday in hospital and I'm now on a waiting list for surgery to have my gall bladder out.

On Sunday night we went to Birmingham to watch ELO live in concert.


I'll be catching up with reading your posts, sharing and commenting over the next few days. 




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Monday, 7 July 2025

The good bits of June 2025 - From Paris to Porthcawl.

June has been hot, wet, busy and quiet with lots of days out and trips away and lots of time just sitting in the garden, chilling. 

Not much has been done around the home other than Peter fixing a couple of cracked tiles in the kitchen.



I visited a friend in Paris for a long weekend.

Our granddaughter came to stay and we visited Witley Court.

The Three Counties with grandchildren.

Picnics at Nags Head (Forest of Dean) and Castlemorton Common near Malvern.

Coffee shop visits, together and on my own.

We had Olive for the weekend.

Celebrating my birthday.

Despite the weather we still paddled in the sea at Porthcawl.





A stop at Westbury Upon Severn on our way home.

We've had a bit going on already in July and I think all our weekends are booked up already.















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