Monday, 14 July 2025

Life goes on - without Stephanie

'Give it a year and a day'

'It'll be easier once you've got through all those firsts'

'Life goes on'

Our last visit with Stephanie. We had no idea.


Yes it is getting easier going through all those firsts.

But not because it gets easier, but because all those firsts hit you like a ton of bricks and the rawness of her death hits so bloody hard. But as the next first approaches, you start to prepare. Book the day off work, book something nice to do on the day.

Christmas - not being able to buy presents and write her card, get gifts for the staff, visit her, take her out. I did a non Christmas shopping trip for Stephanie to get things out my system. I already had a bit of a list going before she died in October. I picked things up, I checked the size, the ingredients on treats and toiletries, then I put it back down on the shelf. We bought gifts and a card for the staff and dropped it round as we always did, just this time Stephanie wasn't there. 

I miss wiping her spit of my hands and arms and coat, miss my hair being pulled and I wear it down now more oftenstruggle to find a disabled toilet that is clean enough to use.

9 months on when I use a public toilet I still check to see if the disabled one is clean. I can't help it. I did it all the time when I was out, so I knew where I could take her next time on a day out. The trend was if it was clean once, it'll be clean 90% of the time and staff would be receptive to freshening it up if I asked.


For Halloween, Valentines and Easter I'd put together a little parcel of gifts. Things to decorate her room and something to eat and wear.

I send these boxes to the grandchildren as well. Now I pop in a little treat for me and I send the decorations to my son and his girlfriend in Australia, instead.  I still get to buy all the things, I still get to send them.

Stephanie's birthday - I couldn't face work and called in sick. We went to Clifton in Bristol. Her boarding school where she lived from the age of 12-18. We had her home almost every weekend, driving down after work on a Friday with her 4 brothers in tow and back up the motorway home. A 3 hour trip. Drop offs on the Sunday would usually be just the one of us. Or we'd go down as a family on a Saturday and visit her grandmother and cousins.


Mother's Day and Father's Day - These were hard. We still have mother's to buy for, we still have children who will send cards and buy for us. Mother's Day snook up on me because of this. Remembering you're still a mum, but there is one child missing.

On Father's Day we went to Gloucester, for a coffee and some shopping where we used to take her. It doesn't make us feel closer to her, it's just part of our routine that stopped when she died.

My birthday last month, in June. I had some gorgeous flowers from family and friends. The last time we had this many flowers was when Stephanie died. It was nice to have bright, colourful flowers to change the image in my head from before.


Holidays are still a struggle. We would send a card and buy her a gift. We went to Las Vegas over Christmas just to be a million miles away. I sent a postcard to the staff and bought them a t towel for the kitchen. It gave us an excuse to pop back in.


We won't be popping back in again though. There's a new person in her room, some of the staff have changed. But we've decided we'll send our last holiday post card from Australia next month.

That just leaves the last day memory that we saw her and Peter's birthday. The day before she died.

We deliberated going to visit her for the day, but as we were going the following weekend, we decided to go for a coffee into Worcester instead. I don't know what happened to her card and gift from her for her dad. I guess they were going to give it to him the following weekend, then decided not to. Maybe they were taking her out in the week to shop.


The bin lorry ritual. Every Monday morning I'd take a photo of the bin lorry and send it so our grandson (he loves bin lorries) then I'd make my coffee and go to work.


Every Monday morning after that I'd watch the bin lorry as I made my coffee and relive every minute of that day. I'd struggle to get out the house. I was off work for 7 weeks and on my return I'd have to break my journey and sit in the park to have my coffee, find somewhere else to park as I was on half days for 3 months and my leaving time was the same time I left work to drive to the hospital on the day she died.

Life does indeed go on, we're joining in with it more, dwelling less on all the sadness although the sadness is still very much there. Every day Stephanie is in our thoughts and in our conversation.

We have planted a Jasmine called Stephanese outside the front door and have a pot of Angel Wing bulbs that flowered for Mothers Day that were planted with our granddaughter after the funeral.

There's a In Memory Rose that my mum gave us to mark the 6 month anniversary of her death, that was planted with our grandson, it flowered for Father's Day and there was a new bloom for my birthday.


There's always been photos of Stephanie around our home. Now there is an additional frame of her with all her siblings in the hallway, our family. There are 3 more grandchildren to add to the frame as sadly they never got to meet her their Aunty Stephanie before she died.

I'll be booking the day of her death, one year on, off work. We've no idea what we'll be doing yet. Maybe go for a walk in the Forest of Dean where we used to live and wander around the Arboretum, her favourite spot, where she was happy, sitting amongst the leaves.

I'm writing this blog post because we were going out the evening and we'd be home late so must remember to put the bins out for the morning and I realised that while I'm still aware of the bin lorry and my coffee routine before work, it no longer triggers me. I no longer relive the Monday morning over and over.

But as life goes on around us and our family grows, we live life very differently. Stephanies life serves to remind us of the compassionate people we have in our lives, we're no longer mourning those who have left us, whether they died of their friendship just dropped away.

We're grateful for every minute of every day and make the most of everything we have. 

Life is fragile, it can go in an instance.

Sunday, 13 July 2025

Week 28 - One Daily Positive and Project 365

Work is so depressing. I've carried on doing my job to the full despite knowing they're not renewing my contract. They said they were looking at alternative ways for September but my students keep asking me what will happen and no answers are forthcoming.

It was 8 years on Friday since my father died, it triggered an emotion linked to Stephanie, as both deaths were sudden, traumatic and I was a witness to them both.

I put off gall bladder surgery earlier this year as Stephanie died in the operating theatre, it's now something I have to face after being in hospital last weekend. I have investigations booked for Tuesday next week and the following week an appointment with the surgeon. All on the NHS, it's moving that quickly.

Day 188
Work ok as it can be as I only have two weeks left. Into town to meet Peter for a coffee, had cereal for dinner, a bath and in bed by 9pm I was exhausted.


Day 189
A lie in as I didn't have to be at my interview until 9am. Back into work for first break. I left my ID documents at home so popped back in after work. I've been feeling really despondent over the past few days, maybe because I need surgery, maybe because I've only 2 weeks left in the job I love and maybe because I'm going through the interviewing process. Home to sort some paperwork, dinner, bath and an early night.


Day 190
I'm in such a sad mode at the moment with work, gall bladder surgery, thinking about Stephanie. I stopped in town for a coffee and to buy some end of term gifts for my students. Home and busied myself with dusting and tidying for a couple of hours. Had a bath and went to bed at 9pm. Showing our granddaughter how tall the sunflowers are.


Day 191
I was really upset in work today. Found out the plans for my students next year, which don't include me. Also didn't get the new job I applied for and now have to look further afield. One of students arranged a little leaving party with snack, decorations and balloons which was lovely. . Spent the evening cleaning the extension and rearranging the furniture, it had become a bit of a dumping ground and is now a nice relaxing room again. Didn't get to bed till midnight after packing my bags, filling the water tank in the van and putting it on charge.


Day 192 
After work I drove down to the Forest of Dean where I'm camping for one night. I set the van up, made dinner then took a 30 minute walk in the heat down to Lydney Docks to meet DIL and grandchildren for a couple of hours. Lift back to the van, washed up, chatted with my neighbours. Read my book and went to sleep when it got dark.


Day 193
Early morning wake up from the birds, lay in bed reading and drinking tea. Packed up by 10am and off to fetch mum to take her to Monmouth for a couple of hours. After dropping her off, I was back to Monmouth where I'm camping on a friend's drive for another night as we went out for dinner. Home by 9pm and an early night in the van.


Day 194
Woke around 5am as I tend to do when we're camping as it's when the birds start singing, drifted back to sleep. Friend's daughter came out with a cup of tea at 8am after her and her brother had written themselves a note to remind them in the morning. We chatted and chilled till mid morning then went into town for a coffee. I packed up and left at 1pm getting home just after 2pm. I picked Peter up and went for a coffee. It was too hot to be outside and Peter had to come and help me empty the waste water from the van. Rest of the evening spent in the extension reading and blogging.


Things to make you smile:
Note from friend's children, gift from a student at school.


Things that made me happy:
Remembering to order son's new football top and it arriving before our trip to Australia. Time with the grandchildren and friends, camping.

On the blog this week:

Post Comment Love - link up with any post written this week
Word of the Week - Concert
The best bits of June 2025 From Paris to Porthcawl


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Saturday, 12 July 2025

Word of the Week - Concert

On Saturday night we were watching ELO in concert on the telly.

On Sunday night we were in Birmingham watching ELO, live.


I thought I'd just see if there were any last minute tickets available and there we were 18 rows from the stage.

I'm a Birmingham City fan, so of course my favourite song is Mr Blue Sky and what an experience to hear ELO sing it live. 


Sadly I heard on Friday that Jeff Lynne was unwell and they'd cancelled the 2nd date in Manchester, just before the show was due to go on. I hope he will be ok, but I imagine at 80 this tour was taking a toll on him. He'd been in a car accident and had broken his hand and wasn't playing the guitar. 

Word of the Week linky

Friday, 11 July 2025

Post Comment Love 11-13th July 2025 - ELO

Welcome back to #PoCoLo with Stephanie from Bosworth.Life and I.

Post Comment Love #PoCoLo is a friendly weekly linky where you can link up any blog post you've written this week. If you're new or a regular visitor we're sure you'll find something of interest.

We'd also appreciate your help spreading the #PoCoLo word on Twitter, tag us and we'll RT. You can find us on twitter here: Stephanie - @BosworthLife and Suzanne - @ChickenRuby 

What a weekend since my last post. 

I spent Friday and Saturday in hospital and I'm now on a waiting list for surgery to have my gall bladder out.

On Sunday night we went to Birmingham to watch ELO live in concert.


I'll be catching up with reading your posts, sharing and commenting over the next few days. 




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Monday, 7 July 2025

The good bits of June 2025 - From Paris to Porthcawl.

June has been hot, wet, busy and quiet with lots of days out and trips away and lots of time just sitting in the garden, chilling. 

Not much has been done around the home other than Peter fixing a couple of cracked tiles in the kitchen.



I visited a friend in Paris for a long weekend.

Our granddaughter came to stay and we visited Witley Court.

The Three Counties with grandchildren.

Picnics at Nags Head (Forest of Dean) and Castlemorton Common near Malvern.

Coffee shop visits, together and on my own.

We had Olive for the weekend.

Celebrating my birthday.

Despite the weather we still paddled in the sea at Porthcawl.





A stop at Westbury Upon Severn on our way home.

We've had a bit going on already in July and I think all our weekends are booked up already.















Sunday, 6 July 2025

Week 27 2025 - One Daily Positive and Project 365

We watched BBC's Murder 24/7 which featured a manslaughter committed in Malvern on New Year's Eve 2023. In the programme they talked about looking for leads and no one saying who the guy was. It was a 'one punch' death. Well let me tell you it was my front door at 3am on New Year's Day the police were hammering on, asking me where the accused and his girlfriend lived. They knew who it was straight away. She was my last Tennant, the one who trashed my house, so of course I told the police where I thought they were living now.

I had a job interview on Tuesday, they didn't ring till Thursday evening to tell me I didn't get the job. They also never applied for my references so had no intention of employing me anyway.

I've now got to have surgery for my gallbladder after an attack on Friday night. Spent 12 hours with only medication and blood pressure taken, no physical examination. There was only 1 doctor for the whole department. At 6am on the Saturday we were informed we wouldn't be seen until 9am in other departments.

Day 181 I’m wondering why the van keeps getting scratched when we park as carefully as we do. Stopped for coffee after a very hot day in work. Home to paint my nails and keep cool.


Day 182 Had a lie in. Job interview at 9.30am, literally around the corner from where we live. Into work in the afternoon. Home from work for an early dinner, then we went out for coffee. I was in the garden from 6pm - 9pm wedding, staking up plants, watering and some pruning. Bath, read the end of my book and didn’t get to bed till midnight. I dug up some hazelnut trees the squirrels planted.


Day 183 Work ok, waiting for the call about the job all day. Went for a coffee, did some blogging, started planning some trips when we’re in Australia next month (wow that came round fast) a bit of shopping, home for dinner, watched some TV, bath and in bed by 9pm. Sorted through photos of Stephanie with us and her siblings for a frame.


Day 184 enjoying the summer in the grounds of Malvern Priory after work. Got the call to say I didn’t get the job but that was obvious as they never applied for my references. Home to ponder things through. Started a new book and having an early night.


Day 185 A busy day in work followed by a relaxed evening at home until I had a gall bladder attack out of the blue.


Day 186 Transferred from A&E to Same Day Emergency Care and within 4 hours, I'd been examined, diagnosed, treated and back home. Had a bath and in the afternoon popped into town for a coffee and pick up a prescription. Early night to catch up with missed sleep.


Day 187 Posting early as we’re off to see ELO in Birmingham tonight. Had a lie in, off to Worcester for my birthday coffee from Starbucks. Shopping to do, some tidying and prep for work tomorrow.



Things to make you smile:

Twice my neighbour has brought the cat home in disgrace after she's rescued it from tearing another cat to shreds or getting beaten up herself.

Things that made me happy:

Coffee, getting tickets to see ELO live in concert

On the blog this week:

Post Comment Love - Link up with any post written this week

Word of the Week - Chilling

Days out in the camper van

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Word of the week - chilling

Apart from pruning some shrubs on Tuesday after work and thinning out the tomatoes, because the brown bin/garden waste gets collected on Wednesday, I've done nothing all week other than blog, read, sort through photos and do some crafting.


And all of this has been outdoors. The table is set up and by the time I get home from work, that part of the garden is in shade.

I've been reading under the canopy in my chair pod and if it's been too hot, I've come indoors to sit in the back room where it is nice and cool. I've been ignoring piles of mess around the house. Mainly things being put together for our trip to Australia. 


The fan is on all night, the white noise helps with sleeping and I had a lie in on Tuesday morning as I had a job interview at a local school at 9.30am.

The weather has cooled towards the end of the week and there has been some rain overnight.

There has been plenty of ice in cold drinks and a few ice lollies have been devoured. There has also been coffees out and plenty of blogging.


Planning for the trip to Australia also as we're spending a few days in Tasmania and via Dubai on the way home, so have to pack for Spring, Summer and Winter

I've also been taking random photos of things to buy as I forget exactly what it is I'm looking for when I just put 'make up' on the shopping app.

But in general it's just been me and a book and a cold drink, enjoying the warm and light evenings while we can.

Friday I ended up in A&E with a gall bladder attack, so Saturday was written off. But on Sunday we're off to Birmingham to see ELO and have My Blue Sky sung to me live. My favourite song EVER. So a lovely way to end my chilled week.

Word of the Week linky

Friday, 4 July 2025

Pocolo Post Comment Love 4th-6th July 2025

Welcome back to #PoCoLo with Stephanie from Bosworth.Life and I.

Post Comment Love #PoCoLo is a friendly weekly linky where you can link up any blog post you've written this week. If you're new or a regular visitor we're sure you'll find something of interest.

We'd also appreciate your help spreading the #PoCoLo word on Twitter, tag us and we'll RT. You can find us on twitter here: Stephanie - @BosworthLife and Suzanne - @ChickenRuby 

I'll be catching up with reading your posts, sharing and commenting over the next few days. 

I hope you've all been having lovely weather. It's either been far too hot or just simply raining. We went to Porthcawl for the weekend and it chucked it down. Mind you we were grateful that it meant we could sleep properly and yes, we did still make it onto the beach and into the sea for a paddle.




We managed a coastal walk to Rest Bay in the dry and the rest of the time we were either in the van, reading or in the arcades spending the kids inheritance.



We also had the best fish and chips going. Gluten free and cooked fresh and to perfection. The woman asked if we wanted gluten free vinegar and we thought she was taking the piss, but apparently not, it is a thing. Bare in mind we're in Porthcawl, not a lot of glamour in these parts.




Want to find out more about Post Comment Love #PoCoLo? 




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