The Good Bits of April 2025

April has been busy and packed full of fun with 2 of our sons, DIL and grandchildren. The weather has been perfect for being out and about and we've made the most of it. The 2 weeks Easter Holidays felt so much longer and despite packing so much in, we've also had plenty of time to rest, watch TV and just chill.

Things that made me laugh:

April Fools Brownies. I made these for my students. I work in a secondary school, they humoured me.

Parking the white car. My other vehicle is a camper van, a Ford Transit. I can park it anywhere, this thing takes several attempts and a taxi to the pavement. I took this photo to prove I can actually park it.

The grandchildren have provided us with lots of entertainment from 'She was naughty for 3 minutes' When granddaughter spoke to her friend at the park and didn't give her cousin the full attention he wanted. Being told by granddaughter that I am her favourite, but not to tell granddad. Also the importance of a half year has been discovered. And I best not mention the punch in the face I gave our granddaughter when I was trying to put her seatbelt on.

Places we visited:

Forest of Dean - Beachenhurst with Peter and the grandchildren for the park and lunch

Malvern Hills - Walks with our son's dog and to see the bluebells on our own

Park - We're fortunate to have several nice play areas in Malvern to take the grandchildren to

St Briavels - Two nights camping together and a walk to the local pub

Chepstow Castle - Day out with Peter and our granddaughter

Easter Party - In my old neighbourhood with DIL and the grandchildren

Much Wenlock - English Heritage Wenlock Priory in the morning with a friend, then

National Trust Benthall Hall - Late afternoon before I headed to my camp site for the night.

National Trust Berrington Hall - On my way home

Countrytastic - Three Counties with Peter, DIL and grandchildren

Birmingham City - Two trips to watch Birmingham play

Croome Park - A day out with Peter, DIL and our grandchildren

Goodrich Castle - A day out with my friend and her 2 children

Keynsham - Peter and I visited his mother as there was some DIY to be done - catching up with reading on all the trips

Meeting with friends - Lots of coffee visits, meals out, just chatting and drinking tea moments also

Things we did at home:

Gardening - Lots of moving pots around really for best sun light

Grandchildren to stay

Tidying up after the grandchildren had visited

Had a visit from the Easter Bunny

Had fun with Olive our friends dog we looked after for the Easter weekend

I'm not sure May will be as busy but I do start and end the month in Northern Ireland with a bank holiday weekend and Whitsun holiday, so who knows? How was your April?

Week 17 2025 One Daily Positive and Project 365 - Meet our latest grandchild.

Stephanie's absence has been felt deeply over the Easter break, despite us being busy with family and friends, even more so because she hasn't been there to be part of it all. 

Day 111

Another migraine, more meds, then into Worcester instead of a hills walk as it was raining for a coffee and some shopping. Home to do some weeding and scatter more seeds. Read several chapters of my book and watched #bcfc on the telly. Got my ticket for the last home game of the season on Sunday. Rest of the evening spent blogging, reading, a bath and TV.

Day 112 

Do you know the exact date, time and place you met someone and knew they were going to be that one friend? July 11th 2017, 10.49pm on my mum and dad’s drive, the night my father died. She comforted me when the paramedics came out to tell me there was nothing more they could do. We had a lovely day out at Goodrich Castle followed by lunch. I then dropped Easter eggs with friends in Lydbrook, and stopping at the river with Olive for a paddle in the Wye. Home to read, video call with grandson to show him the digger and roadworks outside the house. Handed Olive over at the coffee shop and catch up with friend. Back home to watch football on TV, bath and bed.

Day 113 

I  was reading a book a week for almost two years until Stephanie died. I started reading again this month. I read this book in a day on a drive to and back from Keynsham and while Peter was doing some DIY at his mums and I finished it early evening once we got home.

Day 114 

Had a PTSD flashback when an air ambulance landed in the school playing field at the bottom of the garden. It was the first one Peter had witnessed and it triggered him also. Rather than him trying to help me by telling me 'it'll be ok' 'it's a normal reaction' he let me talk him through it and within half an hour, I was calming and he could see the benefit of talking. In the past he's felt that me talking is reliving the experience in detail and increasing the anxiety, despite me telling him that's not how it works, I have to talk my way through it to get out the other side. I do cope much better when I'm on my own though so I went out for a coffee to sit quietly. Home for lunch, news and photos of our new grandson in Northern Ireland, my adrenaline had been running high as it had been when our other grandson was born in February, maybe this explains the constant headaches all year. I did some tidying up, Peter cleaned the car and we went for a walk up the Malvern Hills to see the Bluebells. I then did some lesson planning for work next week. We watched the football in the evening.

Day 115

Food shop in Worcester, home to run the hoover round as the cat knocked its bowl off its cat pole again. Off to the nail bar and home to sort through some paperwork. Friend came round early evening, we went out for dinner. Went to bed with a migraine.

Day 116

Awake early. met a friend in town for breakfast, then a wander round the charity shops. Picked up a book I'd been looking for. Home to tidy my desk, do some planning for back to school. Packed a very small bag for 3 nights in Northern Ireland. Peter did all the ironing followed by a BBQ early evening, then we watched TV and I had an early night as the migraine meds were wearing off.

Day 117

A lie in then off to Worcester with Peter for a coffee. I caught the train to Birmingham to watch #bcfc win 4-0 and lift the league cup with promotion back into the Championship. Some unnecessary and ugly violence with a pitch invasion. A flare was let off in the row behind me. Got home 8pm. Read my book of the train both ways with a coffee. Watched some TV, bath and bed.

Something to make you smile:

My grandson telling me his new baby brother didn't want to talk to me on a video call.

Things that made me happy:

Our new grandson, Seeing the bluebells, football, friends, getting my reading mojo back.

On the blog this week:

Word of the week - Stopped

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Word of the Week - Stopped

Time just stopped when Stephanie died on the 7th October 2024. Life goes on and since then we've had 2 new grandsons join our family. One in February 6 days after Stephanie's birthday and one born yesterday that we've yet to meet.

We have 4 grandchildren now and they are our world. When the 5 children were small they were hard work, managing their different needs and activities but Stephanie our eldest was always there and part of it, she was the one who bought our family together. The boys just saw her as their sister and didn't question what she could and couldn't do, just accepted her for who she was, but they all grew up, something that she never got to do.

France 2002

Another holiday time and time not spent with Stephanie. I'm not getting caught out by events anymore, but it doesn't mean I'm finding events without Stephanie easier. Occupying my time and brain doesn't fill the space, it just highlights how much space I have for her.

We've had a fun filled few weeks with our adult children and grandchildren with lots of Easter activities, camping, days out and time with friends, but there has been no visit with Stephanie, no Easter eggs bought and delivered, no coffees out with her on our way back and forth, calling in to see her on our travels, no taking her out with me while I've done my shopping for everyone else. Different routes driven as there is no need to go via Gloucester anymore. 

It's not just Stephanie that died, it's part of our lives that have stopped existing. Being the parent of a disabled adult child, is so very different than being a parent to our other adult children. 

All our children left home and live independent lives, including Stephanie. But they have jobs, financial independence, their own homes, partners, children. can make their own decisions, can ask us for advice, talk to their mates, make their own decisions, make their own mistakes, ask for help, ignore us.

They can do anything they want, they can even take themselves to the toilet.

Stephanie left home and moved into supported living, but Stephanie couldn't do any of that. Nothing. Stephanie couldn't speak, feed herself, communicate. Everything Stephanie needed to do, was done for her, other people decided what was in her best interest and every year there were meetings to decide what was in her best interest, she never attended the meetings, it was too disruptive for her, for the meeting.

Her budget, how much, how it was spent, her personal allowance, financial advocate, her staffing levels, her health, her home, her activities, her transport needs, dietary requirements, dentists, meetings for blood tests. Every single thing you do for yourself, every single thing you do for a child, if you can imagine it, it was done for her and every single thing had to be agreed. Not task by task, but yearly, financially and by whom. By us as parents, her carers, social services, health and everyone else who had a financial interest.

It took a lot of our time, not a minute of it was resented, we were grateful of every single bit of support and help we received, but it was time consuming. Phone calls, meetings, emails, forms, assessments, budget cuts, reviews, worry. In between there were problems that needed sorting, staffing issues, safeguarding concerns. 2 years of covid, constant changes of staff, management, ownership of her home, changes of service users, issues with other parents to contend with.

After Stephanie died there was a flurry of activity sorting out her finances, exchanging emails sorting out a few bills, collecting items from her home, a few visits and calls and then nothing. 

It all stopped. Everything has just stopped.

Week 16 2025 One Daily Positive and Project 365 - Happy Easter

3 migraines this week. It's so frustrating. Think the easiest thing to do will be to record when I don't have a migraine or a headache. 

Day 104

Packed the car and drove up tp Much Wenlock to meet Jenny Lothersdalelass. Jenny's son Rob died 3 years ago from a rare form of sarcoma, he was 32. We talk a lot online and we've met before, but unbelievably 13 years ago. We wandered round the Abbey and had lunch, there were tears and we shared our stories. I then camped up a few miles away for the night and spent the late afternoon/early evening reading and writing letters, I had an early night, more meds and watched some TV on my phone.

Day 105

Slept through till 5.30am and dozed on and off, listening to the birds. It had rained but I never heard it. Lazy morning reading and drinking tea. I packed up after breakfast and slowly made my way home stopping at a garden centre and a National Trust site. I had a picnic lunch at Berrington Hall and explored the house and walled garden. I met Peter at the retail park for coffee and to get fuel. Back home I popped the roof to dry it, unpacked the van, restocked the tea and sugar, put in clean towels and a t towel and dish clothes and more waste bags. Had dinner, watered the garden, read, TV and an early night. 

Day 106 

A lazy morning. We had to go to Lydney to collect my football ticket for Friday as Son had ordered it for me but he'd had it sent to his dad's. We stopped at Ross-on-Wye on the way for a Starbucks, then onto a garden centre near by, where I bought a Jasmine Stephanese, then into the Forest of Dean to visit our grandchildren for an hour, bringing our granddaughter home with us for the night. The football ticket hadn't arrived so son rang the club and they transferred it electronically.  The easter bunny had visited so some chocolate was eaten, some colouring in was done and the toys were out. I'd arranged to meet a friend in Malvern for a coffee so granddaughter stayed with Peter to play with the toys and have dinner. There was time for some TV before a bath and reading numerous bedtime stories. She settled around 9pm after telling me 'Granny, I like properly love you'

Day 107 

Granddaughter came into us at 7.30am. We made pancakes, put a packed lunch together and headed off to countrytastic at the Three Counties Show ground for the day. There was coffee, ice creams, a go in the air ambulance, watching a dog trial and lunch was eaten before queuing to ride a unicorn (pony) when DIL and grandson arrived. We then visited the animals in the barns, watched the exotic animal show, planted some seeds to bring home and face painting and I bought some cheese. Back to the house for dinner, lots of cuddles with grandson, more playing. Grandad got soaked being helped to water the garden.

Sadly there was an accident on a local farm while we were at the show and a 14 year old boy lost his life.

Day 108 

Out early for a coffee and a food shop. An hour to make beds and get things ready for son, DIL and grandchildren to come back for the night before I caught the train midday to watch Birmingham play. It rained heavily and I was sat in the open. As with all things football, it can get a bit heated and even I get to learn new swear words every week, however this week a few things were said that I found unacceptable and I left 20 minutes early to find somewhere else to sit. I decided to make a complaint about it and it was taken seriously. Granddaughter and hubby walked to the station to collect me with Olive the Pug, my friends dog, who was dropped off early evening and is staying with us till Tuesday. 9 books had been selected for me to read.

Day 109 

After breakfast we were finally ready around 10.30am, granddaughter insisted on a bath and more pancakes and headed out to Croome Park for the day. Son didn't come with us, he headed into Worcester to buy a suit for a wedding in July. the rest of us had coffee and cakes on arrival. Granddaughter walked Olive all day and the both of them were inseparable, even climbing a tree together. We walked the whole of the grounds, explored the house and joined in with the easter trail collecting a chocolate egg at the end. Home to a roast beef dinner and they all left around 7pm. I had a bath, then sat down to book flight to Australia for August and flights to Belfast for May bank holiday to visit our new grandson due next week.

Day 110 

Woke early with a migraine, stayed in bed dozing till midday. Hung washing out. Into town for a coffee and walked Olive. Did some weeding for half an hour and back to bed and watched Willy Wonka and wrote some letters. Had dinner and did a bit more gardening. Booked accommodation for Australia and Dubai. Dusted bedroom, chucked out dead flowers, blogged, tided away Easter decorations and sorted desk. Bed early to watch TV.

Things to make you smile:

Granddaughter told me I was her favourite. 

Granddaughter needed a wee while we were out, so we went into the trees, I lifted her up, I said 'feet' she replied 'clear' she told me to move mine a little, then she said 'ok granny I'm going to wee now' 

Granddaughter said I read like Mr Thomas did, her teacher. I told her that was because I was a teacher and I showed her a photo of my class of 4-5 year olds from 2015/16 when I taught in Dubai, she was amazed and kept calling me 'Mrs Scott'

Things that made me happy:

Our grandchildren for sleepovers, camping, friends dog coming to stay, getting our flights booked, visits with friends, easter chocolates, football, the weather.

On the blog this week:

Word of the Week - Acceptance

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Word of the Week - Acceptance.

There are a couple of things niggling me at the back of my mind that I'm worrying about at the moment. Things I have no control over, but if they happen then life as I know it will change in a big way. It will be devastating and the impact will be huge with a massive ripple effect. It's not health related, it's to do with people.

I've no control over it. But what I do have control over is how I deal with it. I have to accept that people will behave in bizarre ways and whilst their intentions aren't to hurt others, sometimes hurt is inevitable. 

Acceptance is hard. My father's death in 2017 was hard. I accepted he had died. I just never dealt with the trauma of his death.

I've accepted our daughter died, but again, it was another traumatic death, that I witnessed, that I didn't walk away from. 

I could've left the room on both occasions, but I didn't, I chose to stay put, chose to stay with my father and my daughter as they took their last breaths. I didn't need to for me. I probably didn't need to for them, but something made me stay. I said after watching my father die that I was never going to do it again, but I did and I have to accept that. I chose to stay, however traumatic.

I'm still struggling with both these events. I've been diagnosed with PTSD, I've received targeted therapy, I'm on medication, I've had a mental health plan in place. I've reached the end of the support that is available to me. The help and support I want is not available. The help and support I wanted was in the first few days and weeks. 

There was help and support from some amazing people and I will be forever grateful, but it has taken 6 months for me to accept that the people I thought would help just weren't there, they didn't call, they didn't didn't come round, they didn't put aside their differences, they didn't make us their priority.

It's taken 6 months for me to accept this, to move on from questioning why? What did I do wrong for them not to care about us when we needed them the most? For them not to drop everything for us in our hour of greatest need? 

With acceptance comes peace. For too long I've been focusing on regret. I realise now people come in and out of your life, some for a long time and some for a short while. But it's the quality of the time spent, not the quantity.

I accept it's hard to know what to say to when someone dies. I've been in that situation so many times.

I accept that it's hard to know whether to call in or worry that'll you'll be intruding.

I accept that while you'll thinking about the above, time passes, then you start to feel awkward about the gap left.

I accept that maybe some people will feel triggered and can't cope.

But no matter how hard you are finding the situation, for us, it was harder than you could ever imagine and that knock at the door, that message, that late night phone call, that invite for coffee, that hug and and even those awkward silences meant the world to us and always will.

We accept our circle of friends and people we can turn to has grown smaller but it has also grown stronger.