Reinventing myself after life as an expat.

In January 2011 we moved to South Africa, leaving 3 adult children in the UK and taking 2 with us.

I've moved a lot as a child and as an adult pre kids, and 8 years prior to our move abroad we'd moved to a new area with all the children, all still in school.

It's hard moving, not just the physical side but integrating often into a new school, neighbourhood, work place and knowing how things work and where things are. Sorting out new football clubs for the kids to join, finding out about swimming lessons and arranging play dates to help the move go smoothly are all time consuming and can be frustrating. 

Moving abroad is a whole different issue.

There were so many things I found out on arrival in South Africa, no amount of research or even a visit can prepare you for the reality of actually living in another country. Forget everything you know about how to do things and learn from scratch, financially, physically and mentally.

I went from Mother to 5, with a career and an OU course on the go, to a mother of 2, unable to study and prevented from working. It wasn't helped by lack of promised support from the company, the cultural differences, the safety aspect and my inability to work. Also the internet was slow, limited and endless power cuts. 

It took 9 months to settle in fully, then the following year the youngest child left home to continue their education in the UK, the following year, the last child left home and then suddenly with only 3 months notice we were unable to renew our visas, so we moved to Dubai.

On arrival in Dubai we had to relearn how to do everything, I didn't have time to deal with empty nest syndrome, I got a job at last, then left as my father died, I didn't have time to grieve, was too occupied with helping my mum move and dealing with a move of our own. 

I never settled into Dubai, it had taken so long to achieve in South Africa then it abruptly ended, I never thought it would be almost 7 years in Dubai, I made little effort settling as I thought it would end much sooner. Then the authorities blocked all voice over internet and I became cut off completely.

Then in 2021 we moved back to the UK full time, Peter retired. We were supposed to have another 18 months, but covid isolated us in different countries, so we moved our plans forward. 

We're back in our old home, but it's not familiar, no longer filled with 5 children, we're not using the community in the same way. Everything we knew is now different. Everything is done differently in the UK, not just only compared to Dubai, but compared to 11 years ago.

I'm still a wife, I'm still a mum, I'm also a grandmother twice over. But I'm struggling to work out just who I am all over again.

Peter and I have reconnected with friends, spending more time with family. We enjoy dog walks, outdoor life, seasons, gardening, coffee shops, the scenery, but I still need to find something for me. 

I'm hoping to enter the word of work again, not a career, I'm done trying to prove myself to others, there is no need for that, there never was, but I had to wait until I was 50 before realising this.

Expat life, repatriation and retirement. Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?

Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?

I retired in January 2011, taking a 10 year career break to support my husband with his job abroad, I did work full time as a volunteer for 4 years in South Africa and up until March 2020 when covid hit, I went back several times a year. I also taught for 18 months in a school in Dubai, but that's it.

Since we both returned to the UK full time in June 2021, I've signed up with an agency and carried out some paid work with LFT's for back to school and a day at the T20 cricket and I've had an interview for the Commonwealth games as a volunteer in 2022. I'm also waiting to hear back from the local college about some volunteer work.

I will return to the work place some time next year, but for now I'm taking some time off with my husband as he settles into retirement, spending time with our grandchild, awaiting the birth of our 2nd grandchild (due any minute) and planning a trip to Australia early next year to see the middle child for 3 months as it's been 2 and a half years since I last saw him, almost 4 years for Peter.

In the meantime, what are we doing to fill our days? All my family and friends say I'm always so busy, what they don't realise is that I'm always looking for something to do, to occupy my time and make me feel fulfilled.

Days now are filled with doing lots of nothing. Although I've had the time to do things at my own leisure for the past 10 years, the last 6 years in Dubai have been quite lonely. The kids had left home, we didn't know our neighbours, had few friends and spent most of our lives indoors. I was always travelling between the UK and Dubai and felt that I couldn't ever commit to anything for more than a few months at a time, in either country. 

I started hobbies and crafts, joined a few places but was continually moving. People and places just moved on without me.

Now we're settled back in the UK, it's been great spending more time with the family, reconnecting with friends, getting to know the neighbours and being out and about more. long dog walks, stopping off for coffee or the occasional pint.

We get up late, we walk the dog, have leisurely breakfasts, cook from fresh every dinner time. Watch quiz and comedy shows, we do jobs around the house as and when needed. We share the tasks such as washing up, cooking and food shopping. We visit family and friends, Peter plays the occasional game of golf and is making items of furniture for the house, I'm crafting things for Christmas, writing letters, drinking coffee in the garden or the shed if it's raining. Reading books and watching movies.

It's so nice to be able to plan things and see them through, nothing has to be rushed. I can't plant seeds, be around to nurture and watch them grow and harvest, rather than starting something then having to get on a plane. 

It's hard to describe how nice it is to have everything in one place. I can just pick my handbag up and pop out. I'm not constantly looking for where I've left things, or realising I've forgotten something and it's now 3000 miles away.

It's not just being in one place that gives us more time, it's not having to manage 3 different properties, paying rent, insurances, managing tenants and property management fees. Whilst we still own 2 properties, just being able to pick up the phone to sort insurances and boiler services etc is no longer as stressful and expensive to be on hold for.

The bubble will burst, I'm sure. I'll be back in work then my time off will be limited, for visiting and travels. I'm sure employment will see my stress levels return, so I need to get the balance right of either part time work or if full time, a job with little stress/responsibility ie P/T Teaching or F/T Teaching Assistant. 

I want to work, for me, but I have nothing else left to prove. I craved my career thinking it defined who I was. But I am no longer an expat now, defined by what I do and judged on my salary and housing allowance. 

So yes, this is real life, now. The expat part was fantasy.

Why repatriating has been good for us

I hear so much negativity about repatriation, I can't help but think we've done it wrong and we're still waiting for the negativity to kick in or because it's different for us as we always planned to return to the UK when my husband retired.

Becoming expats was never our plan either and at the time of leaving the UK, my husband had 25 years service with the company so we weren't going on on contracts that could come to an abrupt end.

When we left the UK in January 2011 and headed off to South Africa, we honestly thought it was going to be for the inevitable future, but after 4 years, it was not to be with the government refusing to extend our visas, so not ready to move back to the UK, we went to Dubai, where I never thought we'd end up living for 6 years.

Our move to SA was based on a load of lies. Work for Peter wasn't too bad, other than dealing with different cultures and ways of working and pressure from abroad to work the same way as other countries did. If you've ever lived in SA you'll know that things are done very differently to back home. In fact EVERYTHING is done very differently to back home and it took me up to 18 months to settle in fully, after giving up the battle to be allowed to work or even study and I threw myself head first into volunteering and exploring such a wonderful country, with day trips and weekends away camping. We were adopted by a cat and adopted a dog.

Like our move to SA which was a huge adventure, we were only given 3 months notice to leave and after the rug was literally pulled from under our feet and we departed for Dubai, I never dreamt we'd be there for 6 years. I just envisioned we'd be moving on again soon, so I never put down any routes and although I was able to work, my return to teaching lasted only 18 months, I quit my job and was due to start another teaching post when my father died suddenly and I had to turn the job down in order to help my mother get her life sorted so I could return to Dubai to rejoin Peter.

In SA I was only in the UK for 2-3 weeks, once or twice a year. Then my father had a heart attack and we had dodgy tenants that took me 4 months to evict through the courts, so in 2016 we decided to purchase a flat in Wales to give us somewhere to stay for longer visits and for the youngest child to live in while he was applying for jobs after leaving school, for another to stay in on his visit back from his home in Australia and for our other son and his wife to stay when they visit.

I started to spend more time in the flat and just before covid hit, we'd already decided to get our house back from the current tenants and move the cat and dog to the UK, get house sitters and for me to travel back and forth to Dubai to see Peter whilst he finished his career over the next 2-3 years.

Having been locked out of Dubai for 4 months, we decided to bring his retirement forward to May 2021 and I spent lockdown getting the house ready for our permanent return and on a trip to Dubai in September 2020, we had most of the furniture and our belongings shipped, followed by the rest in May this year. This involved my son coming over to collect the dog for 2 months so I could return to Dubai, which turned into 3 months as Dubai was put onto the red list and there were no flights out. After an expensive and painful mandatory hotel quarantine in the UK, we were finally home, just to go to child 4 to collect the dog and unpack the rest of our belongings that arrived in July.

We're now settled back in the UK, unpacked and put away. We have a new kitchen and shed to look forward to and we're having an extension built at the back of the house to give us more downstairs space for when the family come to visit.

I only hear/read about the negatives of repatriation online and I can't be the only person who has planned our return and is happy to be back, can I?

Missing in action - My motivation

When you have all the time in the world to do nothing in, one tends to do nothing.

For the first time since I was 20, I actually have nothing to do.

I mean absolutely nothing.

Other than walking the dog, eating, cleaning the house and making sure I take a shower, there is nothing going on.

I had my first child at 20. By 28 I had 2 more children, by 30 I had remarried and inherited 2 further children. I was working full time and studying. By the time I was 40, we had packed our lives in and moved abroad.

For the past 10 years as an expat I've been juggling 2 homes over 3 countries, managing kids, lives, booking flights, trying to keep up with everyone, juggling 100 different things on a daily basis and aged 50, I'm now back in the UK with my husband, the cat and dog we picked up in South Africa. 

We're back in our family home that I spent the time during covid repairing, fixing and painting with a few trips back and forth to see Peter in Dubai and packing up all our belongings and shipping them back to the UK, with the 2nd and last container arriving in July. It's all unpacked now and we're just taking stock of what we're going to do next.

We'll be staying put in this house for the foreseeable future, neither of us can face another move. I've lived on 3 continents and had 17 permanent homes as well as many short term stays as we've moved around.

We bought the house in 2002, it was 4 years old when we moved in, we had a loft and garage conversion back in 2007 and I've just replaced the carpets and a couple of windows. We need a new kitchen and bathroom and have plans for the garden. But as the kitchen, bathroom and garden are functioning, we're not in any hurry to get any work done.

I'm currently glued to the TV with the Olympics, I've sorted out birthday gifts and written cards for the month. I've kept up with the washing and ironing. I've written letters, walked the dog, enjoyed take out coffees, weeded the garden and harvested some crops and picked blackberries. I've paid the bills and renewed the car and house insurance. 

I've had a couple of meltdowns with service providers about their lack of customer service and failing to provide the service I've paid them for. I've been frustrated at the sudden change of pace of life, going from being on my own in the day and when we've both travelled to being at home full time with Peter now he's retired, it's a huge change for both of us and takes some getting used to.

We really need to kick our arses into gear (once the Olympics are over) decide what work will be done on the house and who is going to do it.

I'm struggling to find things to blog about, everything seems boring in comparison to the last 50 years of my life. I stopped writing my weekly blog posts as it all seems so mundane. I found plenty to write about each week during covid. I'm not bored, I'm happy to be living a more simpler and quieter life. 

UK Hotel Quarantine and Home Office Detention.

We've been living abroad for 10 years, my husband retired on Monday after 35 years with the company. Over the past few weeks we sold cars, shipped furniture, closed accounts, vacated our home and moved into an apartment and had a flight booked for June 15th.

On Tuesday last week we discovered we could fly home via Amsterdam so flight booked at the earliest date which was June 3rd.

Once we had our flights booked we checked on the KLM website, the UK government and followed the instructions that would enable us to fly.

We had considered staying in Dubai until it came off the red list, but flights had already been cancelled and pushed back and we could risk ending up staying in Dubai for longer, our visa had been cancelled and we had to leave within 30 days and still end up hotel quarantining regardless.

So we took the hit and paid the £2400 for an 11 day stay, arranged covid tests within 72 hours of travel at the cost of £60 and completed the passenger locator forms online.

And that was it, no further information, other than hotel quarantine confirmed with the name of hotel.

On arrival in Birmingham after a 4 hour stop over in Amsterdam, we left the plane and made our way to passport control where there was a divide of passengers for Red Country arrivals, which we followed and with all our paperwork which we presented to Border control.

This is where is went wrong. We were handed a piece of paper to sign stating we'd been identified as a risk and were to follow instructions or we'd be arrested. We identified ourselves, it was not a good start with the Home Office, all the issues we had were with them.

We were escorted to collect our bags and wait for the bus, there was a big drama made in the arrival hall of escorting us through an almost empty area announcing our arrival and stating they were Home Office. Our escort could sense the tension and he stood back, when he did speak to us he was very kind and explained what would be happening, he stated he was contracted with HMRC. The bus driver was very officious, making us sit in certain seats, which is fine and understandable but he spoke to us as if we were stupid and deserving of no civility at all. There were 5 of us in total on the flight, all British but from different ethnic backgrounds.

On arrival in the hotel a new security team greeted us, the bus driver again was short and rude and made a huge show of spraying down everything we'd been near, there was a crisp packet on the seat tray and food crumbs so he wasn't doing a good job anyway. Check in at the hotel felt rushed, we'd waited for someone in front of us to move to the 2nd window. There was no 'welcome to the hotel' it was difficult to take everything in. We were then passed to the 2nd window to a woman who read off a sheet, talked at us and made it quite clear she was struggling with having to deal with us. We later found out she was home office also. The staff who escorted us to our room helped with the cases and were friendly and polite.

We were given a pile of paperwork with do's and don'ts and most insultingly instructions on how to safely put on a mask and wash our hands.

The days have pretty much been a blur marked by food delivery to mark the passing of time. I've been walking 10,000 steps a day like a caged tiger in the room and Peter has been outside for 20 mins daily. I'm opting not to go out as it's farcical with clip boards, hi-vis jackets and walkie talkies 'room 241 approaching the lift' and 'room 241 come in, your time is up'

Day 1 The following morning the kitchen rang to ask about my wheat free diet as we'd had to fill in the menu sheet for the 10 days the previous night and despite me stating this at the time of booking it hadn't been passed onto the hotel. The kitchen have been fantastic and the food has been great. The staff who have delivered the food have been great also.

Day 2 went badly from the start, I didn't get much sleep, the sun was shining and we'd not heard a word from anyone, I felt caged, trapped, badly treated and wanted some answers. We tried calling the numbers on the information sheets we'd been given for support, but nothing, numbers rang out, directed to websites that just advised on how to isolate and keep yourself well physically and mentally, info on exercise, keep in touch with family and friends and ask for help are already known. I eventually got through to the local police station to ask for information on what would happen if I left the hotel and chose to return home to isolate and was informed rather rudely by Linda that I would be arrested and I would be forcibly taken back to the hotel to restart the 10 day isolation. At that point I released I had more questions to answer as I am currently being detained by the Home Office, I might as well be in a prison or jail. There are security stationed outside our rooms. 

The people doing the PCR tests were shouting about the time scale and to hurry up, just folding the bloody box was complicated then it was 2 hours before they collected the boxes anyway.

Day 3 I woke with a migraine after crying myself to sleep, day passed in a blur.

Day 4 Still got a migraine and now mouth ulcers. We requested housekeeping for fresh sheets and towels and every evening a trolley comes round with supplies of toiletries, loo roll, cleaning wipes, tea, sugar etc, bin bags. We can also have room service but we packed some wine and snacks in our suit cases. 

Home office came round to get our PCR results, just knocked on door and asked to see email. No 'Hi I'm from the Home Office' just a clip board and a demand.

Day 5 No idea what happened, probably in a bad mood. On Peter's daily exercise with his handler, he spoke to other guests/prisoners whose day 2 and day 8 tests had been lost, meaning they had to stay longer in the hotel at their own expense.

Day 6 We received a message from track and trace to state we'd been in contact with someone who had tested positive for covid. I rang down to the front desk and said that whilst I appreciate they can't give details and I didn't want names anyway, that if it was a guest or a staff member what were we to do and what measures were in place to ensure no further spread of the virus would occur. The response I got was 'we can't discuss this with you and tell you who it was' I said that's not what I'd asked for and was met with 'calm down madam, don't shout at me' someone has been on a training course about keeping safe in the work place. I dialled back to reception, spoke to a woman explained what had happened and she said 'sorry that was home office staff' I asked if she realised that it reflected on the hotel and she said she'd speak to the management team. I felt a lot better.

Day 7 We received our first track and trace call, it was ridiculous, read off a crib sheet and we're not self isolating it's completely different, which I explained to the man who phoned and he was more than happy to discuss this with me and feed back to his line managers. He also arranged a call from Here to help in Worcestershire for a friendly ear and some help with sourcing contacts. We discovered the person who tested positive was on the flight from Amsterdam to Birmingham and not someone who is quarantining with us, which begs the question as to why Amber flights are being allowed or why none residents are being allowed into the country at the moment and why we can't isolate at home instead of being locked up. We spent the rest of the day resetting Peter's apple account, just don't......

I'll let you know next week how the check out went and if there is any follow up from the complaints we have made.

Day 8 PCR tests taken today, we've been warned the test may be void and in which case we will have to stay until they get us another one. Even if the results come through in 24 hours, we still have to stay to Day 11. 

Day 9 Both PCR tests negative, yet we have to wait here till midnight tomorrow with no further testing, it feels like a pointless exercise now. Was told by the Home Office Staff on the front desk, they'll talk to us tomorrow between 2-4pm about our discharge time and protocol. According to the 'info' they gave us, we just have to show 2nd negative test to a hotel member of staff.

Day 10 Taxi booked for midnight. Yesterday when we asked what the process was to leave the hotel we were told the `Home Office people would call to arrange, when I asked why they copuldn't check the PCR paperwork so if anything was wrong we'd have time to sort they said they were too busy with checking out everyone else. Today when we asked around 2pm, we were told they're on their lunch and they'll call the room at 4pm. Too busy? Procedures changed overnight?

We were just hanging around all day, there is no reason for it, no one to ask questions from, no one to provide any guidance and support. The whole experience has been shocking, one I will never repeat and to all of you saying 'just get on with it' or 'I'd love a 10 night stay in a hotel' or 'be grateful you don't have kids with you' just know this:

Apparently No one else has complained, at all. A man could be heard shouting in the corridor last week, a woman was seen crying under the window and people are writing messages and claiming PCR tests have been lost.

This was an unlawful 10 night detention by the Home Office for people from certain countries, not holiday makers, not business people, but people who are British, have been living abroad and have made a very difficult decision and a huge financial input to return to their home country for a reason.

Week 22 - One Daily Positive - Back in the UK

It's been so humid here that the washing on the balcony in direct sunlight is still wringing wet at the end of the day.

I'm not sure I'll be doing project365 much longer and I might be giving up blogging and social media altogether. no particular reason other than I'm just not feeling it anymore. I find myself on twitter most days now, but it's not easy like the old days to gain new followers and find new people with similar interests, all the algorithms on SM seem to do is just keep showing the same things and the same types of people. It's like shopping on Amazon with the 'you bought a book, would you like to buy a book?' 

Peter says I should continue until at least the end of the year to keep the diary of our expat lives going till the end and including our repatriation.

149 Saturday Dropped the car hire back, no charges and full refund which makes a change, we did some shopping in Tesco, watched TV, had a sleep and went down for a swim in the pool. 

150 Sunday Off to the beach via the tram, had a coffee, went for a swim, walked back to the hotel, had to stop for another drink as it was too hot, some time by the pool then back to apartment for the rest of the day. In the evening we went round to a colleagues of Peter's for a drink.

151 Monday Off to the bank first thing and that's it, Peter's last day in work, although there is talk of some consultancy work in the future. Everything seemed to happen today, flights, quarantine hotel and PCR tests were all booked.

152 Tuesday PCR tests first thing then Peter returned his company laptop and phone to IT and I took myself off to the Ritz Carlton for the day, with Peter joining me in the afternoon. We packed and chilled out in the evening.

153 Wednesday Left the apartment in the Marina and checked into an airport hotel with pool and bar, had a relaxed chilled out day. Checked in for our flight at 9pm

154 Thursday Flight to UK with a 4 hour stop over in Amsterdam and then to our Quarantine hotel the Crowne Plaza in Birmingham for 11 days. 

155 Friday This is the last post in 365, we're back now in the UK. I'm going to carry on posting a daily photo, blogging and running PoCoLo weekly blog linky and joining in with My Sunday Photo.

4th - 6th June Back in the UK. Post Comment Love

Welcome back to #PoCoLo with Stephanie and I 

Yep, we're here, back in the UK.

Peter worked his last day after 35 years on Monday. 6 years in Dubai and 4 years in South Africa as well as the UK. Final payments and refunds were made on time and once we closed the bank account down, we booked flights, quarantine hotel, PCR tests and extra baggage.

We spent our last day in Dubai at the Ritz Carlton for a beach/pool day and the evening with friends for our last ever Dubai pub quiz and Starbucks finally spelt my name right.

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Week 20 - One Daily Positive, shipping and a big cat on the loose

I've had a few people ask me recently if my health issues are related to the menopause. The answer is no, although I'm probably going through it regardless. I've actually had my periods stopped to validate the iron deficiency and 2 years ago I was diagnosed with a small bleed in my small intestine caused by an intolerance to wheat.

All my medical appointments are blood test led, as in it's not me going back and forth to the Doctors, it's them calling me back and forth, a high white blood cell count led to me having a bone marrow biopsy, where several unexplained results were identified which they are still trying to work out. In the meantime, the iron infusions cause my electrolytes to malfunction and caused numbness and itching and bone pains, which are a recent, known side effect of the infusions.

We've moved out the villa this week and into an apartment in the Marina, near the beach. It's been a very stressful week, but I'm totally switched off now, despite ending the week with a migraine, but that's heat and physical work related.

We were planning to fly to the UK on June 2nd and hotel quarantine for 11 days as legally required to and we won't be allowed to fly unless we can produce proof of hotel booking, however the earliest we can now get a direct flight is June 15th, hopefully the UAE will be off the red list and we can just isolate at home instead.

Oh and we've also been keeping an eye out for an escaped black panther/jaguar in the local community this week.

135 Saturday Out for breakfast with friends, a food shop and home to watch the FA Cup Final. Found this growing in the garden, taking the form of the fence, it's a squash of some kind.

136 Sunday Started the process of closing bank accounts so we can obtain a clearance certificate prior to flying home. Headed out to old Dubai for some shopping, it does entertain me.

137 Monday Shipping company confirmed they are coming to pack on Wednesday. most of the day spent on the sofa watching movies. Saw Jaws 2, scared me all over again lol.

I've found good homes for all the plants.

138 Tuesday Super busy sorting the house ready for moving. Had to do the insurance quote which is itemising everything packed and putting a price on it for replacement value in the UK.

139 Wednesday Packers arrived, once they knew what was being packed and what was staying I took myself off for a coffee and to read my book, they'd gone by 3pm and I went out in the evening to meet a friend for coffee at a local mall.

140 Thursday All the furniture was loaded in the container. There's a lot of stuff we're not taking back with us which I started to shift outside with help from the removal men.

141 Friday Spent the day cleaning the villa and having the garden and all the waste removed, slight hiccup with the company doing the work who said they would finish tomorrow then demanded paying up front and accusing me of cheating them. All resolved now, but typical behaviour and all too common I'm afraid. 

View from JBR towards the end of the Marina from our current home.

On the blog this week:

Post Comment Love - The shipping has been shipped

Counting down to the end of our expat journey

Construction Photography - The Atlantis Hotel

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14 day countdown to the end of our expat journey

We're on a 14 day one month countdown to the end of our expat journey.

It's been a bit stressful trying to relocate during a pandemic, I'll be honest, upping sticks and moving thousands of miles is very stressful regardless of where you go and when.

We've both moved a lot in our lives and since we met in 2000 we sold both our homes and purchased one together in 2002 which we still own and is the home we are returning to.

We left the UK in January 2011 for South Africa, with a 20ft container, we then relocated to Dubai in December 2014 with a 40ft container and in September 2020 we sent approximately 10ft in groupage followed by a 20ft container this morning May 2021. We will follow on in a months time. Originally it was going to be June 2nd, however there are NO direct flights from Dubai to the UK, and with both of us having experienced being prevented from travelling and in the wrong country from where we had intended to be, neither of us fancy the prospect of being stuck in a 3rd country such as Egypt, Oman, Finland etc where we are permitted to fly through currently. Either way we still have to hotel quarantine on our arrival in the UK for 10 nights, as we will have been in the UAE in the past 10 days prior to arrival.

99% of the stress of an expat move is in the build up to the packing day itself, then you sit in a trance for several months in hotels, sorting documents, applying for visas, running around to get signatures the night before you're due to submit your paperwork because someone forgot to give you something. It's the fact finding, the arranging, the booking, the handing over over money, setting up phone and utilities, trying to find internet, somewhere to live, a car, school runs, new job, how to pay for parking, navigating medical aid and dealing with HR, 3rd party agents, via your husband, through his HR department because as a 'supporting spouse' you are given no consideration from your spouses company, despite being the one person who is jumping through all the hoops and digging up long lost relatives to obtain a DNA sample to prove who you are. 

Lots of people tell me to write a book, it's entertaining, that I'm good at stuff like this and I love a challenge. Well this is all you're getting a blog and trust me, I'm not good at stuff like this, I don't enjoy it and I'm really looking forward to a simple life with Peter, our adult kids and grandkids and time to cook, garden, walk the dog up the Malvern Hills and take up new hobbies and maybe return to the workplace.

7th-9th May 2021. Post Comment Love - Shipping costs

Welcome back to #PoCoLo with Stephanie and I, Time really is racing past in regards to the months rolling on, however I'm still doing a lot of hanging around waiting for things to happen.

Wow, the cost of shipping has increased. Unfortunately the quality of service doesn't look like it's improved too much.

18 months ago quotes were a quarter of the price and they've gone up again since last September also, it's almost double for the packing and loading.

Apparently it's due to the difficulties in obtaining containers, due to everyone relocating due to covid and then the Suez situation hasn't helped. However, all 6 companies that quoted (only one who came to the house has provided a written quote, only 2 came to the house to quote) are able to get a container and pack up our belongings in the next 2-3 weeks ready for shipping.

Shipping costs are similar to going on holiday at the same time as the schools are out, prices go up. It's costing us £6000 for a container and insurance. Back in September we paid £3000 for groupage/shared container and £500 was eventually refunded due to the company not obtaining the insurance. There were long delays due to shipping bills not being paid and the container was unloaded on a Sunday night at 7pm and the UK side of the contract wasn't fulfilled, such as unpacking, removal of packaging and a sofa was left in the neighbours garage for a few months.

It's our fourth International move in 10 years, each one has had its problems and added complications. It's just what it is sadly.

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30th April - 3rd May 2021 - Post Comment Love.

Welcome back to #PoCoLo this week with Stephanie and I. It's not a bank holiday out here in Dubai, we do however have Eid Al Fitr coming up soon.

Time sure is racing by at the moment as my husband and I spend our last few weeks in Dubai and living abroad since January 2011. 

It's been a wonderful, and difficult time for us both, dealing with our last child leaving home, reduced contact with our oldest child who lives in a care home, we're now on our 3rd international relocation, having dealt with the death of my father and then the several joyous situations with 2 of our children getting married, the birth of a grandchild and several more family weddings and the birth of great nephews and nieces with a couple more babies lined up to meet later this year.

We're making the most of the medical aid getting eyes, dental and medical check ups and I'm also taking advantage of the nail bars and hairdressers here while I can and of course some last minute shopping.

It's not all fun and games though as you'll see with the post I've linked up with this week.

But life still has to go on throughout everything, as it has in its limited way since Covid. Just as it starts to return to normal, Peter and I change our normal with our return to the UK. 

Stephanie and I are looking forward to reading what you've linked up with this week.

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Preparing to leave Dubai.

I arrived back in Dubai 2 weeks ago. Peter has been off work while we've planned our exit. We sold his car, made a claim to cancel the Insurance which can take up to 3 weeks. We've had quotes for shipping the rest of our furniture, advertised the garden for sale and made arrangements to have broken and old furniture removed. We've now hired a car until the end of May.

I sold my car and closed my bank account back in September, so we're confident of how that all works.

There's still quite a bit of stuff to do, unlike a move within the country in which you live, when you leave a country you have to close everything down before your current visa expires. However it's a lot easier this move as we don't need a visa to move to the UK. When we moved from South Africa to Dubai, we had to return to the UK to get our documents certified and get our cat and dog out to Dubai before our current visa expired, but we couldn't ship the furniture or air freight until our new visas were in place. 

We have two more payments due out on the credit card in the next 10 days then we can cancel the credit card, but need to keep the main account open to pay in cheques from the deposits for the house, utility bills and an investment that matures soon. Once that has all cleared we have to withdraw/transfer the account to a zero balance then apply for a completion certificate to close the account.

We had to get the UK credit card activated so we could use it to hire the car

I keep getting informed that we can of course pay someone to do all this for us, but from personal experience having been told this in the past and actually following the advice we have discovered that 9/10 these people aren't qualified experts and that actually they don't make the job any easier as basically you still do all the ground work and they just basically queue on your behalf to submit that paperwork that you still need to sign and sorry but there is no way we're giving ANYONE a signed letter to deal with our finances on our behalf.

We're vacating the Villa on May 24th, we don't have a hotel booked yet as we're waiting for confirmation from the UK Government in regards to our isolation/quarantine on our return. 

At the moment we're required to spend 11 days in a UK hotel at the cost of £1700 each, we've looked into flying home via Germany where we'd need to stay for 11 days before we would be allowed back into the UK and the isolate at home for 11 days. We're allowed to travel between the UK and Dubai as we have Citizenship and Residency. We've both had the full vaccine and are happy with regular PCR testing.

Dubai is a hub, but we're hopeful after May 17th it'll be off the red list, Dubai have currently suspended flights from India.

Thankfully this time we're not leaving one place and arriving into the unknown. We are returning to our former family home that I've spent the past 18 months restoring after tenants and setting up utilities, buying a car and sorting phones and internet which hasn't been as easy as it sounds because we've not lived in the UK for so long, have no 'no claims' for driving, need insurance that allows us to leave the house empty for more than 30 days and has involved changing all the landlord cover back into personal use, getting new quotes and at one point had me measuring the outside area of the house and working out the square footage for the top two floors for buildings insurance purposes (since when did that become a thing?) We moved the cat and dog back in February.

We're registered with the Dr's in the UK but need to find a new dentist and I need to add Peter to the council tax and change our voting options.

We need to close everything here in Dubai rather than risk letting it just expire when our visas run out. We plan to travel through Dubai in future years to visit one of our sons in Australia and don't want to risk arrest should we have anything outstanding. 

I'm not looking for help, guidance or advice on any of this, there is a time scale to follow for all of it, just not all the same time. We've done it many times before, we'll do it now as well. I just don't have the brain space to do anything else for myself, let alone anyone else right now. An International move is nothing like an internal move, trust me, I did both last year. We're not planning on doing any further moves, internal or external for a long time to come.

Travels around the world on the sofa

We've spent the last 10 years abroad with our sofa, we left the UK with it in January 2010, we also took 2 of our 5 children with us. When we left South Africa in December 2014 we no longer had children living at home, we now had a cat and a dog and along with our sofa we moved to Dubai.

The sofa is now back in the UK along with the cat and the dog.

UK - Morning after New Years Eve

South Africa 1st House

South Africa 2nd House

Dubai 1st House

Dubai 2nd House

UK Back where it started

That's 5 moves in 10 years and 3 countries and one well travelled sofa.

Life in lockdown isn't that different from being an expat.

I've been reflecting on our expat journey over the past 10 years that is coming to an end soon. I've realised that my life hasn't been too different since covid started than to being an expat. Even though I've spent 9 months since the first lockdown started in the UK, I haven't been able to see much of the kids, our parents, our grandchild. We'd not been able to go to family events, attend funerals, weddings, christenings etc regardless of covid.

I've been isolated as an expat living abroad, lonely when Peter has been working and travelling and constantly adapting to circumstances and having plans changed last minute and short notice for things happening or being able to do things.

I know being an expat was through choice to some degree and whenever I've complained about the lifestyle I've been told 'oh well, at least the sun shines' 

But that doesn't make things better, it doesn't fill the loneliness and the isolation. 

Apart from being separated from Peter due to covid hitting whilst we were part way through a move, life hasn't been that different from my family and friends. I'm isolated, I'm lonely, I can't go anywhere, see anyone, we're all in the same boat for a while.

I'd love to visit our daughter living in a care home, but she's outside my area for travel, our grandchild is too far away also. Apart from 2 friends who live in the same town as me, I see no one else. They're bubbling with family, so all I can do is meet up for a walk. I can't wait for garden visits to resume. 

The only main difference is we can use voice of internet and video calling instead of just messaging and expensive, short calls. 

We're used to being alone, we're used to changing plans last minute, we're used to living life with high levels of stress and uncertainty, we're used to hanging around and waiting. We're not used to spending this long apart without knowing when the next trip will be made though.

When I've been told 'but you've been able to travel and see your husband' as an excuse to others driving 50+ miles to their parents, or visit their grandchild. I've had to remind them I haven't broken laws, I've PCR tested to leave and on arrival at the cost of £120 each test and have had 3 periods of 2 weeks isolation/quarantine to be able to travel. Yes I've had a friend in the house, but we both isolated for 2 weeks prior to the visit and for 10 days afterwards before I then had neighbours help me move the sofa in from another neighbours garage. 

As an expat I've had to do hospital appointments, cope with chronic pain, deal with migraines and the after effects of surgery on my own. I've also had to do this during covid, little has changed for me physically.

But mentally, a lot has changed and will continue to change. I've been through a lot on my own, isolated from family and friends, dealing with the sudden death of my father, which I witnessed around the same time as I was seeing an oncologist for 2 years to rule out cancers. We've been out of sight, out of mind. We're still in the same situation now, just in the UK (well I am) for now. I feel for people separated from their families, I've experienced that as an expat and again during lockdown, I have empathy for others situation, I just don't have the capacity to deal with others emotions about it. 

My response now is 'summer is on the way, the sun will soon be shining and it'll be ok' It's been OK for me.

What can go wrong with an international move? Things you don't get told.

From experience anything that involves sub contracting around the world is doomed from the start. It doesn't matter if you have 3 quotes, get everything in writing, have a personal consultation, take a personal recommendation, if something can go wrong it will.

There's also an element of 'How do I know what I need to know?' which is my biggest issue when trying to do anything.

Moving between countries means forget how everything works where you are now and start again. And know what you don't know such as in general where the local council in the UK is called a Municipality in other countries and things like electricity and water are government run and to get a sim card you're required to have an attested copy of all your documents or a physical entry stamp on your visa or buy from the airport on arrival and the breakdown you've been having wasn't necessary.

I will say if you cut out the middle man, HR and a relocation company who just refuse to deal with the spouse, despite it being the spouse that orchestrates practically the whole move, then things do go a bit smoother. The issues still happen, but the timescale of resolving the issues is reduced greatly as is some of the stress, by being able to yell at people directly, rather than yelling at your spouse to yell at HR and Relocation company to find out a delivery date.

So despite having done 3 International moves, here's what I've learnt I needed to know after the packing had been done and invoice paid.

UK to South Africa - Insurance is an additional 3-5% of the value of your goods. The value of replacing those goods in a new country and must be itemised.

Not only are you responsible for costs if your container is picked at customs for a check but you'll pay the storage costs for the delay.

If custom checked you'll need to know your container number, which you'll be asked to confirm on delivery also.

You can't ship your container ahead of you until you have a visa, either in place before you move as in South Africa. However moving to Dubai, your container can be shipped but not released until your visa is in place. This also means any air freight will arrive after your shipping container so don't bother and save your money.

Check yourself exactly what you can and can't take. For example food, alcohol and tobacco is a NO. You'll also be told you can't take certain items such as bikes and out door equipment to South Africa and into Dubai you can't take Christmas Decorations or your family bible, you of course can.

Ask for the contact details of the receiving agent in the UK. Contact them and ask for their time scale from when the container arrives to their delivery times.

A new one for us with this move of things we needed to know that we didn't know about are......

How to obtain a BoL from the shipping company. What is a BoL? Bill of Lading. It is one of 3 crucial documents used in International Trade to ensure that exporters receive payment and importers receive the merchandise. In other words, along with proof of insurance and and invoice, these documents should be handed to the shipping company ( you'll need to know who they are also) who should, in theory, pass this on to the receiving agent to get your container released from the port, after customs clearance.

To obtain the BoL you'll need remarkable detective skills and the help of total strangers off of Twitter to make calls on your behalf and do the job you've paid someone else to do. Whilst doing this your packing agents, receiving agents and shipping company will all tell you it's not their fault or problem, stop answering their phones and replying to emails.

You'll get the money back from the Insurance after threatening the company with legal action and the police.

Your boxes will be delivered at 6pm on a Sunday night, your sofa left in the neighbours garage and no one wants to take responsibility for the fact you've paid the agent for a full unpacking and rubbish removal service and for the first time ever the packing is done so badly you actually have lots of things broken and no insurance to make a claim from.

I'm left with a room full of boxes and packing materials to get rid of.

This is how items were packed.

These glasses were wedged together and could not be separated.

Placed at the bottom of a box without any packaging under neath to protect it.

I have sent an invoice to the company in Dubai I had the contract with for 6 hours work by 2 people to unpack to surfaces, the cost of removing the uPVC door to put the sofa back inside the house from the neighbours garage and the cost of removing the packaging totalling £624/AED 3,130. I've also informed them they are clearly in breach of contract and as advised by Consumer Law in Dubai that I will make this a matter for the courts on my return.

Reflections on 10 years an expat

Facebook memories over winter revolve around moving. Either the chance of a move, visa applications or a physical house move, followed by trying to sort everything out on a tight timescale, budget and stress.

10 years ago this week we submitted our final visa application to move to South Africa. These things take months to do and every time you submit the application someone adds yet another piece of paperwork to the pile that needs to be filled in. The final piece of paperwork for our first move after numerous medical reports was a signed form from our GP stating we were of sound mind.

4 years later we had to return to the UK to submit papers for our move to Dubai

10 years on I question how sound our minds were at the time and over subsequent years as we've moved, home and country.

To be honest whilst our life style sounds complicated to some, it's just normal to me. I don't think I've ever had a normal life. Prior to leaving the UK I'd moved 17 times, with the longest stay in one house of 8 years where Peter and I raised a blended family for 8 years after getting married in 2002.

I crave being in one place, being in charge as much as the next person in regards to choosing when to move and where to move to. Of course we could've chosen not to have become expats, it wasn't a path we were searching for, just making the most of any opportunity that came our way.

The opportunities we've had as a family, especially for our children have been amazing. Although we only brought the 2 younger boys abroad with us, the eldest was already living in Germany with the army for 4 years, but the next child who left home at 18, just 3 months before we left the UK, packed his bags just over 3 years ago and announced his move to Australia as he wanted the same opportunities to live abroad also, like his siblings have had.

There have of course been numerous missed opportunities, difficulties with Education, lost work opportunities for me, missing family events and now not seeing our grandchild grow up. But we've tried to prioritise important events, we've been able to support our children, now all adults, in ways we couldn't have if we'd stayed in the UK.

We've lost family and friends along the way, these events would've happened regardless, we only know the life we have now, not the life we would've or could've had.

It's been difficult despite the sun shine continuously, it's also been a lot of fun, but regardless of location there is still work, washing, ironing, food shopping, cooking to be done.

I like to think we've kept our feet rooted firmly to the ground throughout this journey. We view our eventual move to the UK as another move, not as going back.

I saw the cross crossing woman near our old home in the UK on a visit. She said 'Oh you're back then?' as if we'd been been on some failed mission to Mars. It took a lot of control not to reply with 'You're still here then?'

Everything has to come to and end at some point, but it's not the end for us, it's yet another change, now with a grandchild to enjoy, a child living in Australia we can visit and whilst we've lost family members over the years, we've gained new ones in the form of in laws and it's an exciting chapter we look forward to being part of.

2021 January 8th-10th Post Comment Love

Happy New Year and welcome back to Post Comment Love #PoCoLo a weekly linky run by Stephanie from Lifeat139a and I, where you can link up with any blog post written each week. We share the posts on twitter and comment on all linked up between us, we just ask that you Post, Comment then share the Love. 

Christmas was a strange affair for Peter and I, he spent it in Saudi and I spent it in a hotel on a beach. Due to the new covid strain in the UK, Saudi just closed their borders overnight without warning. We weren't happy especially as it had been hit and miss as to whether or not I'd make it back to Dubai at all this year, oh the irony, it turned out it was his travels we should've worried about.

Well 2021 got off to a fantastic start for Peter and I, he made it back from Saudi in time for the New Year which we celebrated by taking a midnight walk in our neighbourhood to watch the fireworks go off on the Atlantis and the Beach and spent New Years Day walking along the canal then seeing the fireworks again down on the beach followed by a drone light show. Dubai do everything so well, they even celebrate the New Year twice. 

I also started the new year off by getting the Chinese vaccine, Sinopharm, which is available to all residents and citizens in the UAE. I need my 2nd jab on the 25th January. I've blogged about why I chose these vaccine on this weeks link up.

Then disaster struck, I was admitted to hospital for 2 nights with severe lower back pain and no known cause, turns out I have a herniated or slipped disc and have been assigned 7 days bed rest as from today. I also have surgery on Saturday for an unrelated issue and I have a full time job ahead of me when I recover filling in all the medical calm forms as so much wasn't pre approved so you pay up front and claim back later. 

So I'm no confined to bed till next week, I've plenty of blogging and reading to do and have a whole back catalogue of Crimewatch from the mid 1980's on youtube lined up to watch, it's frightening just how many murder cases are still unsolved from those times.

I know 2021 is going to be an up and down year for us, regardless of Covid, I turn 50 this year, I'm unsure where I'll be living for most of this year, UK or Dubai but I'm grateful to have a secure home in both countries, who knows when borders will shut again and where I'll be, I was shut out of Dubai last year. If I'm honest I don't mind if I get shut out of the UK, it's tough being there, so near, yet so far, from family I'm usually separated from due to being an expat, it's harder when I'm only a few miles down the road and can't see them. But I'll take what I can get, be grateful for our health, the covid vaccine and the medical aid.

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Ex expat or Re-pat? My repatriation journey.

Since planning our return to the UK, I've read a lot of blogs and posts in expat groups about how hard repatriation is.

There's a lot of negativity around about going home, how it's not the same anymore, how people aren't interested and how difficult it is to slip back into their old lives.

This is something I've been worrying about. For the past (almost 10 years) I've not settled living as an expat. I've dealt with not being able to get a visa to work, having to make the tough decision to send the youngest child back to the UK for boarding school, dealing with empty nest syndrome when the last child left home, tenants from hell requiring court evictions and serious financial costs and damage to our family home and the sudden death of my father, 3 years ago.

Being on a residents visa (not allowed to work), living in a country where voice over internet is banned, coping with my husband travelling with his job, has left me feeling isolated from family and friends, a loss of identity from being a working mum, to someones mum, to someones wife has been hard and with no company support, I've struggled with getting things done, from paying bills, to buying a car to moving house several times and countries.

We bought a flat in South Wales 4 years ago, so we had a base for people to come to us, so we didn't spend all out trips to the UK charging around the country, spending a fortune on hotels and sleeping in spare rooms and on air beds.

We claimed our family home back in December 2019 and made the decision for me to return to the UK with the cat and dog and get house sitters for me to travel back and forth to see Peter. However, Covid has stopped us in our tracks, but this is something everyone around the world is going through. 

We're not moving back into our old lives, Peter will be retiring and I will be venturing back into the world of work. I've started volunteering locally, have police checks from previous countries in place and updated my CV. I did teach for a year and have worked hands on with a couple of charities, long term, since we've been abroad.

We have a grandchild now, kids living abroad also, our family home still suits our needs and the location is perfect. We have a couple of friends in the area, we may move house, but won't be moving town. 

Things have changed dramatically in the UK since we've been away, the way we do things, Brexit looming etc, but we don't have to deal with visas, we're doing the move without the help/hindrance of HR. I'm not relying on waiting for other people to get back to me.

I still have a few years ahead before the UK becomes our full time home again and I do still hold a residents visa to live abroad and am satisfying the requirements for the UK as well as for my visa, so I guess technically I'm still an expat for the time being.

Maybe I'm just become a 'when we'

In South Africa, we met a group of long term expats, 40+ years of living abroad, they described ex-expats who had returned to their country of birth as the 'when we's'

Week 35 - One Daily Positive. UK vs Dubai during Covid

Although I've spent large chunks of time in the UK over the past 4 years and am from the UK, I still consider Dubai my home at the moment. I've not really been settled here though as I find making friends here difficult and the heat means I spend large amounts of time in the home or when I do go out I'm in malls. I was grateful to have been in the UK for the first part of lockdown as I was able to go out and walk Bob for an hour a day and just sit in the garden. However I wish I was able to stay in Dubai now and am making plans for the winter to come back out here. I'm just struggling to find someone to look after the dog for more than a few weeks and I'd really like to reduce the amount of flying I do.

Covid is being managed much better here, I'm happy to attend medical appointments and even had my hair cut and nails done. Indoors here is much bigger, more space, temperature checks, social distancing and EVERYONE is wearing a mask, people respect requests from security guards to put a mask on, knowing it is punishable by law for failing to follow the rules. The only time I struggle with wearing a mask is when I'm outdoors in busy areas, such as the mall car parks and walking to the train as it's just so hot here.

Dubai's 'to do' list is for me to sell my car, close my bank account, tidy and sell the garden and sort through and organise packers to get some stuff shipped back to the UK. 

236 Sunday Off to Dragon Mart to purchase some outdoor lights, we had coffee out and spent the rest of the day in front of the TV.

Usually lifts are a free for all, as is any doorway in Dubai, typically as you try to get out, 20+ people are piling in. So much more civilised during covid, although facing the wall seems a bit weird.

237 Monday Up early and off to the dentist for a check up on my implants and a deep clean, scale and polish. I called in at Mall fo the Emirates for lunch, then had a manicure and pedicure and then took my car for a valuation after having it cleaned. We watched TV in the evening.

This is the view from the dentist, although my 90 min view was of the ceiling.

238 Tuesday Peter went into the office and I had a virtual phone consultation with a moving company. I did have a tidy up first. I sold my car for £800, it was purchased for £5,000 4 years ago. Cars are cheaper here than the UAE and the deprecation is the same as I would've had in the UK. I then walked and caught the train to Ibn Battuta for an opticians appointment. Peter met me for a coffee and a lift home. 

239 Wednesday Up at 6am to continue cutting back the plants and tidying the garden. Off to the bank to close my account. Stopped at The Souk Madinat but it was closed till midday, so visited Mall of the Emirates for a coffee and some shopping. Evening spent mowing the lawn and power washing the patio.

One of my favourite views of Dubai.

240 Thursday Up early to finish the garden, shame I won't get too much time to enjoy just sitting out there. Packers booked and arranged for Sunday, container will be shipped on Sept 10th. I spent the day applying for my tax relief in the UK, organising the shipping insurance and cancelling car insurance. We went out in the evening to visit a friend for dinner.

I have to itemise our belongings and list a replacement price for destination. There's no where to add things like throws or cushions so you have to be creative with where you write things down.

241 Friday Collected my new glasses from the Mall, bought a couple of cards, had a coffee and then off to visit colleagues of Peter's for the afternoon, didn't get home till after 10pm, straight to bed.

3 years ago when we moved here, this view was just sand. The building I took this photo from didn't exist either.

242 Saturday Met up with our friends for breakfast at Mall of the Emirates, did some shopping, went to the cinema to see Tenet and home to get ready for the packers tomorrow and to watch the football.

My to do list in the UK is to repaint the doors that Peter had to shorten and rehang after having new carpets fitted, finish painting the shed and restore my old dolls house.

After our belongings are packed tomorrow, I just have to clean, rearrange the remaining furniture, then I have a full week of doing nothing before I return to the UK, so I'll be doing some serious shopping now I don't have to take things I need back in my suitcase for winter as the container will arrive mid October.

Eating out in Dubai - Sponsored Post

Keeping the romance alive during covid - Sponsored Post

The Road to nowhere - My Sunday Photo

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