From one expat to another

My friends husband is in hospital and I'm thousands of miles away.

Skype, mobiles, World Call cards, emails, facebook and twitter have made such a difference for expats living abroad, it makes the world feel smaller, but in reality it just highlights how far away you are from family and friends in times of need.

If you've read my blog or followed me on twitter, you'll know that despite the help we were offered to relocate our family to South Africa that the help never actually materilised. One year on there is a chance we have to move house. No big problem is it really? and I was going to blog about it anyway, but since recieving the news from my friend this morning, there has been many (selfish) mixed thoughts and emotions.

8 days into our arrival in South Africa, we got the call all parents dread, not the first time, but when a call starts with 'there's no need to panic, the paramedics are here' you panic. We were alone, a few parents, a teacher and some of sons mates turned up at the hospital before we got there, but all sorts ran through my mind when the ambulance called on route to the hospital and requested permission to carry out a tracheotomy.

We'd been in the country 8 weeks, I spent the night with a mobile phone on 3G that kept switching itself on and off, using the message system on facebook to rely on updates from my 16yo niece for information on my sister who was in labour and things had got complicated. We had no phone in the apartment, we'd asked for one to be put in, but as the apartment was rented in the company name we had no proof of residency so couldn't get one installed for ourselves. I then spent the following day back and forth to the phone box on the corner, cutting calls short when the lightening and rain came.

Since then there has been a broken arm, a child in the UK rushed into hospital (cause still unknown) a death in the family.

So not really different from many other people is it? and for everyone else a few words are exchanged and life carries on.

This morning I've taken son to school for his cricket match, sorted out the washing, the ants in the dishwasher, drank tea and had a smoke or two. And while I carry on with my normal day, my friend's is suspended. If I was in the UK I would've driven to the hospital at 1am, she knows I would. But I'm here and a 12 hour flight away.

So again what's different from everyone else?

We are both expats, I'm in country far away from family and friends and so is she, in a foreign country away from her family.

It takes a long time to build a support network, you sort of just assume it happens, but it doesn't. We all have people that can pick our kids up from school, rally around with cups of tea, provide a glass of wine and a shoulder to cry on. But when you're in a foreign country it's not quite the same as just moving to a new town, where your family and old friends are just a few hours away, where you can pick up the phone and speak freely (it's not the cost, it's the bloody reception and sometimes it just doesn't work here).

So back to moving house, my first thought was 'in the grand scheme of things' it's not that bad, so what we can move, we don't have to pay for the move, I'm not working it's not really a big deal. But...

...actually it is a big deal, I've spent a year building a support network, lift shares, friends, people to share a worry and a glass of wine with, people who send an sms and ask if everything is OK, who offer to help if needed.

I can't give that all up, I won't. Moving to another estate is NOT an option, my network will go, I won't be able to just turn up at a friends house to set the world to rights. I'll need to be booked into the estate, I won't be able to wander in as my finger print will be deactivated and I'll have to start my network from scratch again.

There's a new movie out with George Clooney (swoon) called The Descendants. The trailer on DSTV is 'just because with live in paradise, doesn't mean to say we don't have the same problems to deal with' I guess that's true and as we've found out, life isn't greener on the other side, same shit, different day, different country, and 24 hours and cost of journey for us to be there for you, or you to be there for us.

They want everything and you can't say NO

Losing our identity
Not just how life is changing for us since moving here, but the amount of personal information we have to give away to do anything on a daily basis.
Passport
Visa
Proof of address
Pay slip (rules me out of doing everything)
Copy of contract of employment (26 pages)
All in triplicate, all stamped and signed by the Sergeant at the local police station who reads his job title off his badge (FFS) all handed over with the original to compare, they keep the stamped copies and off you go, usually to fetch more bloody personal information, vial of kids blood etc.
But now it’s gone a step too far, we’ve been finger printed to access and egress the security estate on which we live, because people were selling their tags to dubious others who then used armed force to break into 9 houses in a 3 month period earlier on this year.
Now any single person who works on the security estate has all the information they need to be me and there is nothing I can do about it.