Post Comment Love 1st-3rd July 2022

Welcome back to #PoCoLo with Stephanie from Lifeat139a and I. How did it get to July already?

An exciting month for us as we're off to Australia to visit child 3 who I haven't seen since July 2019 and Peter hasn't seen since March 2018. It's too long, we hope to make the trip alternate years from now long for as long as he's out there.

I had family and friends round for my birthday last weekend. I was 51. I'm getting fed up now with the assumption all I want to talk about is the menopause and constantly being informed by the media, blog posts and other 'well meaning' folk that 'I too can look 10 years younger' I'm more than happy looking like a woman in my 50's. how do you feel about all this?

Anyway, pop over, link up any post you've written this week and we'll leave you a comment and share the love.

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  Welcome back to #PoCoLo with Stephanie from Lifeat139a and I.

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There's more to being 50 than just the menopause and grey hair.

Not in denial, not even sure if it's happening or whether it's happened and as the GP pointed out 'it's not helpful' 

In 2015 I had a cancer scare, with a high white blood cell count that was picked up during a migraine through routine blood tests.

Since then I've been under the care of an oncologist, had a bone marrow biopsy, diagnosed as Iron Deficient and received regular iron infusions. no cause known, blood test results still haphazard. I've had a coil fitted to stop my periods to see if it made a difference to my inability to produce ferritin, but it hasn't made a difference at all and I've still needed infusions.

I have few symptoms other than severe fatigue and breathlessness (can't walk upstairs without having to lie down) when my ferritin stores drop. It's the blood tests that keep calling me back into the GP to have further tests or medication adjusted. I've developed two new symptoms of double vision and pins and needles and numbness in my hands that are being investigated.

When I went to see the GP to ask for a new prescription of my migraine preventative medication for which I've been having since I was a small child, she informed me that they'll get better once the menopause is over, she then pushed me to accept I'm menopausal, told me about hot flushes and insomnia that she could prescribe medication for to help me with. I didn't mention hot sweats and Insomnia as I don't get them. Sometimes I don't sleep if I've been travelling, am unwell or my husband is snoring, but otherwise, if left in peace in a darkened room, I can sleep for 10 hours solid. I get at least 8 hours sleep per night.

Then there's the media, TV advertisers and Davina McCall 24/7 telling me I'm menopausal, promoting medications and lifestyle options, telling me how I must be feeling, how I must be thinking. It's not me. It doesn't represent me.

Then the worst is the people who are around my age who say to me when I sneeze 'oh that's a menopausal symptom' and go on to tell me how surprised I'd be to learn that any illness, any symptom, anything and everything is now actually a symptom of the menopause. If I yawn 'that's the trouble at our age' if I make an 'ooh' noise when I stand up, if I pop a tablet for my migraine. It's all menopause, full stop.

I know a lot of people have symptoms that interfere and effect their everyday life. I know for many that finding out it is the menopause, being treated and listened to has been a great help and relief both physically and mentally. But it's not me. There's more to me than the menopause, just because I'm 50.

I had my hair dyed grey in 2016, it's since grown out to be natural grey now. I go to the hairdressers and they cut it every time in a certain style, for women my age. A neat bob with it tucked behind my ears or a pixie cut. The same hair cut given to every woman between the ages of 50 and 70 who has grey hair. The same happens with clothing and shoes. I don't want to dress like I'm 30 so I end up with a choice of shoes and clothing the the over 70's wear asa uniform. So in an attempt to be different I clomp around in DMs and wear jersey dresses, jeans, trainers and hoodies.

I have kids in their 30's, I'm married to a 64 year old, I have grandchildren. I automatically fall into the discussion about perimenopause, about colon cancer screening home tests with the assumption I'm actually older than I am. Mid to late 50's and constantly told I look good for my age. I'm 51 this month.

Apart from my chronic migraines and a 26 year old neck injury from an assault which causes chronic pain flare ups and does interfere with my sleep, as it always has. and my iron deficiency anaemia I'm fit and healthy. I work full time, cycle to work, swim and go on long walks with the dog. The hot weather isn't a problem, but then neither is the cold.

I'm sure there will be quite a few of you reading this who sigh 'of course you're menopausal' I probably am, I'm not in denial. I just don't want to talk about it every day (oh the irony of writing this post) I just don't want people thinking it's ok just to start a conversation with me, assuming my only topic of interest is the menopause. I just don't want the assumptions made I'm menopausal. There's more to me and every other woman than just that.

I know there is nothing to be ashamed about, we should talk more, we should be more open. We shouldn't be embarrassed to discuss this issue in front of both male and female colleagues of all ages, but I just don't want it to be the only topic of conversation. 

Does it define you? Is there more to talk about?

It's not always the menopause.

First off, I’m not in denial, I’m 50, I’m probably peri menopausal, I can’t confirm that though as I had my periods stopped in January 2021 as I have iron deficiency anaemia, it’s a malabsorption problem and I require regular Iron Infusions. Without them I get tired, confused, don’t sleep and my migraines I’ve had since I was a small child get worse. Yep all signs of being peri menopausal and so many people keep telling me this is what it must be.

This includes a GP I saw last week after a ferritin test in December shows my levels are dropping again, not enough for an infusion yet, but my migraines have returned and I merely wanted a repeat prescription of Beta Blockers as I started a new job this week and I’ve been having migraines since Christmas that last 9 days monthly. 

I’ve been on a wheat free diet since September 2019 which has reduced my migraines from 2-3 a month, to 1 a month lasting a couple of days.

I often require hospital treatment for migraines which often present as meningitis and after numerous lumber punctures, I’m grateful my husband is now able to speak on my behalf to get me the treatment I need in this situation.

After a particularly bad migraine in 2016, routine blood tests threw up a high white blood cell count, which was unexplained and led to tests for Leukaemia, a bone marrow biopsy, mammograms, MRI’s and a comprehensive internal examination and biopsy’s under anaesthetic and having a coil fitted to stop my periods, to prove there was no link with bleeding that was causing my iron deficiency anaemia and no link with hormones and migraines.

My medical records are disjointed with the initial treatment starting in Dubai where we were living and the past 2 years of treatment in the UK and Dubai. I was also advised of the importance of regular smear tests as I hadn’t had one since 2009. I’ve had them every year since I’ve been abroad and emailed those plus my other records to the GP with a full vaccination list also, which doesn’t show on my records or the NHS app.

The GP assumed that all my issues are related to me being peri menopausal and that I am in denial. I said yes, I’ll explore all the links you’re sending me but today I’ve come for medication for migraines I’ve had for 45 years. No, I don’t have hot flushes and I’ve already told her that the not sleeping was only linked to low iron or my husband snoring. The rest of the time I sleep solidly for 8+ hours.

So yes, I was defensive which led to ‘do you have a lot of stress in your life?’

Well ‘yes, we’re having a kitchen fitted and selling a flat, waiting for our 3-month-old grandson to have surgery and I’m starting a new job.’ But she pushed ‘well we relocated to the UK last year, husband retired, we had to ship our entire lives, had to do 11 days mandatory hotel quarantine, we were apart for most of Covid in different countries, travelled during the pandemic’ so yes, I think I’m stressed. 

But then she pushed some more back to when the blood cell count was high. ‘Life was good then, we travelled freely, went to Hong Kong, South Africa, Egypt and the UK, then my father died and whilst I’ve come to terms with his death, I’ve never been able to shake the pain of sitting there and watching someone die and being so totally helpless.’

At this point tears were flowing freely and I was sobbing. She then asked about further back and I said enough.

I left with a link for a bereavement charity and several links for understanding and accepting the menopause and my prescription for Beta Blockers.

Two days later she sent me a text asking to book a blood test after she’d read my notes.

They took bloods for liver and kidney function, infection markers, ferritin levels, phosphate, B12. All the things that keep randomly going out of sync. As one gets sorted and falls back into range another one rises or drops, causing concern. All my tests are blood led, the only symptoms I have are fatigue, itchy skin, confusion. All I manage apart from the migraines, which I do need medical help for.

I know many women aren’t getting help with being peri menopausal, I’m also aware of women being dismissed as being peri menopausal. Yes, I’m aware I’m probably that woman right now, but I was upset that the GP took one look at me, decided as I was 50 and I was fatigued and get confused that it was just the menopause and I was to accept it and get the right help.

The right help I needed was medication for migraines, ferritin levels checked again, a possible iron infusion and I’d be ok for the next few months, until the ferritin dropped again, the migraines returned and repeat.

What I don’t need is anyone telling it must be the menopause because they have the same symptoms. I don’t need a t shirt saying I’m menopausal and I don’t need links to websites that help me accept I’m menopausal. I know I probably am and I’m blessed that I had a good gynaecologist who recognised that stopping my periods would help when I reached that stage and agreed that it would help with a medical diagnosis with the ferritin as suggested by the oncologist I saw for 5 years.

So here I am journaling as recommended by the GP to help me get things off my chest. I told her I actually blog and publish online and talk openly about ‘women’s problems’ already. She just said I should try it, it would probably help to talk to someone. I tried talking to her, but she just wasn't listening.

Update: Message from GP, ferritin levels dropped. 

My response: (in my head) this is what I told you at the beginning.

I don't want celebrities to represent me

I'm really not happy with celebrities experiencing something then telling us all howe to manage it, how to behave, dress, have our hair, what size or how fit we should be etc, etc.

Thanks but my weekends are not spent on TV, I don't live with a hairdresser, know any make up artists, have a stylist to select my clothes and a PR team to ensure everything I do is just perfect for the cameras. 

I made a comment on twitter a few months ago, similar to the one above, and I was blocked by a celebrity.

I'm really glad these celebs have found a way to manage the menopause, have a baby, deal with depression, cook a dinner on a budget, build their own business, find the answer to eternal youth through fitness videos and ever so glad that they share everything they've learnt through their books, tv shows, interviews and columns in the papers, but......

They don't represent me.

Some of the things they talk about I'm sure people can relate to, but I can't. I'm not a size 8, I have no interest in exercising and eating myself healthy and running a marathon at 50. Whilst I've struggled for money in the past it was whilst I was paying for a mortgage, I had no dreams of saving for a holiday or getting bikini fit back when I was 25 and no desire to wear a bikini at the age of 50. Yes I know I can if I want, but I don't feel empowered by putting one on, I feel uncomfortable and it's all well and good telling me I can do whatever I want, I don't want to wear a bikini, discuss my sex life with anyone, think myself fit, learn how to craft, up cycle and/or learn how to blog for a living either.

Therefore I'd appreciate it that whilst some of you are following suit and living life to the large, wearing the bikini, not shaving your underarms, buying all the books, tagging and hash tagging all the celebs, that you'd think twice before offering me their advice on how if I just bought their book or followed them on social media, I'd have so much more understanding of what they're going through and I can relate it to my situation, which I can't, I don't want to and neither do I bloody relate.