What makes a strong woman?

I actually can't answer that question, but it's something I've been called several times over the past few months.

In fact it's something I've been called since I small along with many other names.

Independent, strong willed, stroppy, bossy, determined, controlling.

I of course don't think I'm any of the above, I am just me. I just get on with things. I don't necessarily find things easy. In fact I find most things a challenge, I find it difficult to ask for help, not because I'm controlling, but because I don't often know what help I need until the situation unfolds and I often find that at that particular point in time no one is available and I just throw myself into sorting it out and then on reflection realise what a stressful and difficult situation I've just got myself in and out of.

My life is quite challenging to the outside world and it's often said that I attract challenges or go seeking them out, but I don't.

I have 5 children. One is profoundly disabled and in care. I'm married and live in Dubai. I don't currently work.

In June I was ill, I went to the UK.

In July I underwent tests, child 5 left school, my Dad died, family came over for the funeral, child 3 moved to Australia, neighbour from hell harassing me and an anti social behaviour order obtained.

In August the house was sorted, stuff sold, family visited on and off, several skip runs, my friends Dad died, another funeral, a friend from Dubai died.

In September, so far, a friends Mum died, child 4 was deployed to the Middle East, child 5 still looking for an apprenticeship,

Life just happens and I have no choice but to deal with it, I make mistakes, I cry, I scream, I often throw the towel in and walk away. I argue and shout with my nearest and dearest, accuse them of not helping me, of often causing me more stress, I cause people to back off from me, I push people away, then I scream at how unfair it is that no one is helping and supporting me.

I don't have a job, I don't have children to look after, I don't actually have a role in life other than to be the fixer, the sorter. I get pushed to the front, I push my self to the front, to sort, to help, to save the day.

I get no thanks, I feel used.

I get thanked and I feel it's unnecessary.

I just do what I do, because I am me, I'm not strong, I'm just like everyone else.

I just do things my way, sometimes it's appreciated and understood, other times it's considered unnecessary and often unwanted, but that's just how I am, take the rough with the smooth, like it or not. I am just me.

If you think I'm a strong woman, if that makes you feel any less, then you don't really know me. I'm not strong. I'm just doing what I do, when I do, because it's what I do, it's what I am.