what to do with old tin cans

Wash them
Drill holes
Paint them
Decorate them
Plant some seeds
Hang from trees

Jan Cilliers

My permission has been revoked

My son is 14 on Sunday. Every Friday night we have Pizza night with our friends, taking it in turns at one anothers houses.
Last night was our turn and we decided to turn it into a bit of a party and do the Birthday cake.
I love baking and yesterday morning I got out all the ingredients and asked my son what cake he wanted. As quick as a flash he replied 'Shop bought'. It made me realise that my days as a mummy are coming to an end. He is the youngest of 5 children.

The youngest has always had an issue with his photos being taken, in fact he hates it, it ranks a close second to getting his hair cut. As I tried to take a picture of him blowing out the candles, he hid his face, it winds me up and he knows it. He is missing from pictures in nearly all family events and if he is in the picture, his face is hidden.

Being expats and away from family, I make a huge effort to update the picture album, send prints back to people and post online, usually on facebook. I run my faceebook for the family only, I rarely post comments like the ones you see on twitter @chickenruby and I have recently started linking blog posts that I think people might like to read.

But I've been told 'no more mum, no more pictures, no more blogging about me'
I have to respect his wishes, he is old enough now to have a say in his private life. I've never ridiculed my kids, but I have shared personal stories about the things they've done, the troubles we've had and how we've problem solved. I've always sought permission from family members and the older children (the ones that have left home) prior to posting, but I've never had to ask to share pictures of them on facebook or twitter.

I don't own my children, but what they do effects me, my life, causes me issues, phone calls asking for help and guidance. Moments as a Mother I want to share, things I'm proud of, achievements I want to 'show off'

So I'll leave you with the last photo of my almost 14 year old and I'll attempt to take his picture to send back to his grandparents in the UK.

How long does it take to become a local?

I’ve moved many time during my life, in fact 14 times, spanning 3 countries (Wales, England and South Africa) from birth to 17 this involved 4 moves from Newport – Leicester – York - Ross-on-Wye. Every time I’ve moved there have been things to sort, work, family, education, transport plus the usual hassles of changing utility bills and the actual move itself. We’ve all been there and done it and it ranks as one of life’s most stressful things to do.

Moving 6000 miles away has been harder, because on top of the above I’m also dealing with a different culture, language, way of life and way of doing things.

But what I’ve never had problems with is making friends. I’ve moved as a child and made friends at school, then as an adult and made friends through work, then as a mum and made friends again through school. I have life long friends, I have friends who have come and gone, I have friends I’ve been on holiday with and survived.

But when you move so far away from everything you know and your kids are older and you don’t work, then making friends is that little bit harder and it takes an awful lot longer than you can imagine.

So I now know how to do things here, expect the unexpected and be prepared to wait for hours, spend many visits and accept that sometimes what you want to do and what you can do are two separate things.

I’ve established my volunteering, the kids settled emotionally into school and country and through that I have friends, I have a support network. There are people I can party with, people I can call in to see. People who can help me with lifts when my car is off the road or if I’m ill, lend me money when I lose my bank card and hubby is out of the country.

I can now give directions when asked, recommend services, help someone sort out a problem. I know how to talk to people to get what I need, what words to use if I want something done ‘just now’ and not ‘now’ (which means never) I understand the language, the culture, the whole way of life. I can drive to various places without the need for a GPS.

I know there will be issues, things that drive me up the wall, things I’m unable to resolve but I now believe I am settled, I am a local. I belong here and the depression I’m still having issues with is all part of the transition phase of adapting to the culture, of moving 6000 miles away from family and friends and familiarity and re-establishing my whole life.

Parents V Teenagers

I’m not fighting with my teenagers anymore.

It’s not getting me anywhere.

When they leave home they live their own lives.

I don’t have to visit their homes if I don’t like the mess that they make.

I want a tidy home, not them.

I want the washing done, not them.

I want the dishwasher loaded, then emptied, not them.

I want the wet towels picked up off the floor, not them.

I cause the stress in the house, by demanding the above is done, not them.

So from now on, I will keep a tidy house, I will pick up their mess and drop it in their room.

I will choose my battles carefully.

I will ask for the washing, if it’s not brought to the machine then I shall just wash my stuff.

I will wash up my plate, cutlery, cup/glass after my meal, not theirs unless they bring them to me.

They obviously don’t mind using a wet towel, so I’ll leave it where they drop it, after all I have my own bathroom.

Then come the Monday morning when their uniform isn’t washed, when there are no bowls for cereal of cups/glasses for drinks, they will be the ones stressed and not me.