A woman's place is.....wherever she chooses it to be.

'I decided it was up to me where that was.'

I find Louise's story of why she joined the Royal Navy very empowering and she makes a very good point.

My current place to be is in the home. I am a home maker, home executive and housewife. Well that's what I've had written on my visas in my passport for the past 10 years. No idea how it would've read if the roles had been reversed and my husband and I swopped jobs. 

It hasn't defined me. It's upset me, my ability not to be able to work, for me not to have had the choice for 4 years when we moved to South Africa, my identity took a huge knock and then again when the kids left home at the time we moved to Dubai. But after almost 2 years in Dubai. I then made the decision NOT to work and focus my time on our adult children, all by now NOT living at home.

I've never had a life plan, I've never had a plan for my children either. It's not about rebelling, having a strop, being a feminist or a tom boy. It's not even about being different or difficult. it's about doing whatever is best for you (and your family) at the time. 

I left school, I wanted to study for the Royal Navy in the Lake District. I passed the entrance exams but couldn't get a guarantor to secure the funding I needed for the first year. Then I just drifted, I worked, moved away, tried life abroad, had a child, bought a house, got married, had another child, started a PGCE, had another child and abandoned studies, divorced, met Peter, inherited 2 older children, moved, resumed studies, finished degree got a job, a career, packed it all in, followed willingly my husband abroad, fought against it every day.

I'm 50 this year in June. A few years ago I stopped worrying about how other people saw me, was my tummy too wobbly, was my hair right, should I be wearing more make up, should I be visiting the beauty salons for procedures like everyone else, did I need a career to define me? 

The answer was and still is NO. There is no life plan, circumstances change our plans, change us. We may have to sacrifice something in order to be where we want to be. There are very few people in the world who actually have it all. We may perceive that they do and measure our achievements by theirs.

I want to be the homemaker. But I have the choice to return to work. I have the choice to say NO today, I'm doing something else. But I'm also part of a team, my family. I can be selfish, without behaving selfishly.

I no longer need to prove to anyone else or even myself that if I want, if circumstances allowed, I can do anything I want to and be anywhere I want to be.

This was my latest role.

A woman's place is on the golf course.

My journey as a parent and how it went.

Do I miss anything about parenting?

NO.

Seriously, I miss nothing about it, let me tell you why.

My time as a parent has come to an end. Obviously there are 5 adult children out there in the world who still have a mum, who may or may not want my advice, my input, to be part of their lives. But my responsibility for them has come to an end. They are responsible for their own actions, their own thoughts and their own feelings.

Just a quick background. Mother of 3, mother to 5. I'm not including the trials and tribulations of merging 2 families together, as all the kids consider themselves to be siblings and Peter and I are the parents as they refer to us. Also our eldest child is profoundly disabled and is in the full time care of Social Services, but we still have an active involvement in her life and decision making on her behalf. There are 10 years between the boys. They were toddlers and teens at the same time, we only ever had 3 teens at anyone time. Now they are 4 adult men.

2002 our one and only holiday as a family of 7, France.

Parenting isn't about stages and development, it's not a tick box for successfully getting through each stage and moving onto the next. All these stages slowly morph from one to the next, they run concurrently.

We spend a lot of time as parents in the first few years encouraging our children to move onto the next stage. We can't wait for our baby to sit up, start weening, crawl, move onto solids, talk, walk, sleep through the night, then start school.

Taking first steps, maybe better footwear would have helped.

Then as they reach every stage we look back and wish they were babies again. I guess this is why people want more than one child.

The ages 5-11 sort of just happen, they develop differently, they discover their interests, have their own personalities and as parents we tend not to give another thought about the next stage until it happens.

There's a newish word for the pre teenage years, tweens. I've never really got this stage, maybe it's because I have 4 boys, I do tend to find it's more something that parents of girls refer to more. With 4 boys I never really stopped to think about hormonal changes. Yes their voices got deeper, they started to shave, they started to inflict their presence on each other as equals and exercised their right to be the alpha male.

During the teenage years we want it to all stop. We realise they're growing up and turning into adults and one day they'll be leaving home. We look back on the earlier years and question if we could've done things differently, ask ourselves why they have to grow up, wish we'd not encouraged them to move at the speed they did, wish they were still little.

Life with a disabled child has been very different, milestones have still yet to be reached, despite her being 31 now. Milestones that will never be reached were acknowledged a long time ago. Different milestones were set, more realistic ones. Hopes and dreams for a profoundly disabled child are different. Getting through a day without wet clothes when your child is in their 30's is something to be celebrated, just as much as potty training the boys was.

So how did my journey as a parent go? Most of it just happened, the memory fades. the children feel like they've always been the age they are now. Yes we can recall individual challenges, achievements and first words, but if I'm honest a lot of it gets merged, it gets attributed to the wrong child.

Me, aged 20 with my first born. 27 years later, I'm grey.

Being pregnant:
I was never the material type, even now I look at other peoples babies and think 'there's nice' but I prefer them when they're a bit older and have a personality. I didn't enjoy and neither did I not like being pregnant, it was just something I went through. I have to consult the boys red books to tell you what day of the week and time they were born. I do remember the date and year though. There are no photo's of me pregnant, ever.

Giving Birth:
No one in their right mind enjoys the physical side of giving birth, but nature has a funny way of protecting us from the memory otherwise we'd never have more than one child.

Breast feeding:
Nope, didn't like it.

Teething:
It was just something we all went through.

Sleepless nights:
At both ends of the spectrum, as babies, then as teenagers, waiting for them to come home at 2am in the morning.

Playgroups:
OMG no, no, no.

Weening:
Fussy with what they'd eat one day, they wouldn't touch the next. However they ate anything and everything as a rule. We had a few food intolerances to deal with but in general they'd eat hummus, veg, fruit, fish. But as teens they lived off pot noodles, pizzas and what I call 'orange' and bland foods. Now as adults they've had the gaul to complain that I didn't cook tasty food.

No baby led weening here.

Yep, letting my baby have chocolate.

Potty training:
Just one big night mare, from poo droppings behind sofas and peeing against the bathroom walls.

A note by child 4 to remind himself to wipe his bum, it's framed and in the bathroom still.

Siblings:
They hated one another, they still don't really get on now. Arguments and physical fights over toys, who they shared a room with and how the others were always favoured over them.

School:
There were tears on the first day of school for the first child only for primary and secondary. It was a relief when the others went. School was a constant battle with being called in for at least one of boys on a monthly basis, fighting, not doing homework etc. Don't get me started on school fees either, we paid enough over the years to have purchased an average 4 bed house in the UK.

After school activities:
No, no, no. I hated the amount of time I spent driving, the organisation and timing of activities. Standing for hours on end in the middle of a field while they played football usually in the rain. The cost of gym, music lessons, horse riding etc, all the activities they insisted they take part in then wanted to drop just after I'd paid a terms fees.

Teenage years:
See siblings. They just happened, we didn't survive them, we just got through them, of course we did we can't stop the ageing process.

Leaving home:
This was tough, but inevitable. For us though it was a bit different than it is for most parents. Our eldest left home aged 12 to go into care, the next, aged 18, joined the army, within a year he was posted in Germany. The next one, also aged 18, left home and 3 months later we moved 6000 miles away to South Africa. Our youngest left home next, aged 13, to return to the UK for boarding school and the last one left home aged 20 to join the army.
As each child left home, the others filled the gap, it didn't get easier because we were down in numbers, it just changed. There was more time for homework, activities, but meals still had to be cooked, washing and ironing done, school runs and breaking up fights.
We weren't around to support any of our children into adulthood, it wasn't a gentle break for any of us, it was an arm ripping off moment each time.

Empty nest:
We moved to Dubai the same time our last child left home in 2014, the youngest two returned to South Africa to say their goodbyes and to physically move with us, although they returned to the UK within a few weeks. Moving countries is stressful in its own right and while I was grateful to not have to sort out schools, negotiate traffic on school runs on the wrong side of the road, helping them make new friends and finding activities for them to join in with, I was incredibly isolated and lonely.
I'm over empty nest now, but I do wonder what the future holds for us in regards to our relationships with our adult children as they begin their own journey into marriage and parenthood.

You'll notice I have more to say about leaving home and empty nest and this is because they happened more recently, they're fresher in my mind. They were recent events, I've not done much since the kids left home, I did return to teaching for a year which contributed to filling my days and I had the death of my father and health issues to deal with over the following 2+ years.

When we all get together, which is rare as a family of 7, with our chosen homes, the last time was for the youngest's 18th birthday in 2017, we talk about the fun times, the memories that make us smile, the holidays, the time we lost the children and the day we went on holiday only realising we'd locked one of the children in the house and left them behind was one another child asked where they were.

At the end of the day we can't stop the process or even slow it down, parenting just happens. Sometimes we need the support of the wider family, teachers, doctors and other professionals.

Most of the time we can't stop or change what our children go through, they develop at their own rate, we can't fix a friendship, stop the bullying, mend a broken heart, get better grades or even have a great deal of influence over their lives as they become adults. We're just there to support them however we feel best at the time. We will have regrets, we will have issues. I know I do.

Please note: ALL this was done without the internet and there aren't many photo's to prove it.

Why I dislike like other people's kids

I don't dislike kids, I have 5. I've also been a youth worker, child welfare officer, ran a youth football club and worked as a teacher.

One of the rare occasions where the kids weren't tearing chunks out of each other and causing disruption to others, with me running around, apologising, trying my best to parent and breaking up fights.

We've just had half term in Dubai. As my kids are now all adults I only notice it's half term when a) there's no school bus honking it's horn outside my door at 6.45am because the neighbours fail to get their kid ready for school on time every morning b) the roads are empty c) when I look try to book a flight I find it's showing 'only 4 seats left' and the price has gone up and d) the local pool/mall/coffee shop is full of kids.

Like I said I don't dislike kids in general, I just dislike the way some parents allow their kids to behave.

In the Mall one morning a group of mums having a coffee, where are their kids? Running up and down the mall, screaming and fighting. I'm trying to have a coffee in peace, so are their parents, so the kids are no where near them, it's my table and other shoppers they keep running into and screaming at. The parents didn't look up.

At the pool one afternoon the kids are jumping off the side, running amok, screaming because they've been splashed by a sibling, while the mother's sit and chat ignoring them and the life guard who is now running a creche to ensure the kids don't get injured.

Two young girls around the age of 10/11 are playing music on their phones, competing with each other, what did I hear the mothers yell? 'Go and sit down there, we don't want to hear your music, we're trying to talk' So the girls move to new sun loungers, right next to me, the opposite end of the pool from where their mothers are sitting and play their music full blast.

I ask, strike that, I tell them to turn their music down, they ignore me, so I call across the pool to the mother's to tell them to tell their kids to turn the music off, as I don't want to listen to it any more than their mothers did. They are told, it is done grudgingly, I am now the bad guy.

Kids in general are wonderful and I obviously don't dislike kids, like I said I'm a teacher by trade and a mum of 5 with numerous nephews and nieces.

You'll note there is a direct link with my dislike for kids when their parents are around, it's like they have a safety net and permission to behave in a certain manner to test the boundaries and authority because their parent is right there, there to protect and defend them and to shout at anyone who dares to complain about their off spring.

I'm more than happy to let kids be kids, I fully understand the screaming baby on an aeroplane and how fraught the parent already is, there's no need for me or anyone else to make tutting noises, there's the toddler that kicks the seat behind me, it's bored, so am I on a 7 hour flight, I'll make eye contact, smile and hope the child settles. I also fully understand 'hidden' disability. In fact it's always my first assumption if a child is screaming hysterically or running around and disturbing others, but I'll observe the parent also and often offer to help if they're trying their best to manage the situation.

There are many situations out of the parents control. But there are also many situations where the parent just doesn't care how much disruption their child causes others as long as they can make that call, eat their dinner, chat with friends over a coffee in peace and just don't care about anyone else.

Parenting highlights. Our youngest child.

A holiday to France with a 2 year old who yelled 'Mum' all the time but it sounded like he was saying 'Merde' the French for shit.

The eldest then aged 14 who was tasked with looking after the same child mentioned above aged 3, who ran away and ended up involving the police who shut the park down in Abergavenny at the Mr Blobby family fun day, finally locating said child looking for coins behind the slot machines.

The time when the same child also in France got his head wedged in a bench aged 4 and with his speech impediment sound like he was saying 'I'm a duck' instead of 'I'm stuck' and we ignored his cries for help saying 'there's nice' and 'quack quack'

Again, the same child, aged 5, and in France again who called me a 'crap mummy' all day because I said no to buying a fire truck as there was no room in the car and I refused to leave his older brother behind as he suggested.

The same trip when I said no to an ice cream and he ran off, leaving us frantically searching for him for almost an hour, till one of his brothers found him hiding under the ice cream sign.

Then aged 7 sparking a full search on Perranporth beach with BBC seaside rescue filming our frantic moments locating him, who then said they wouldn't be using the material they shot as I wasn't upset enough.

The eldest again then aged 18 taking said child above, aged 8, to the toilets in San Francisco, arguing with him over washing his hands and then found 30 minutes later strolling across the Golden Gate Bridge on his own.

We have parented 5 children together over the past 20 years. Said child above is the youngest of the 5. He turns 20 next week.

Goodbye to the teenage years.

20.

My youngest child turns 20 next month.

I will no longer own a teenager.

I've owned a teenager since 2003.

That's 16 years of my life held hostage.

Or is it?

I stopped being a full time mum in 2013, when the youngest child left home, aged 13 and entrusted his teenage years to his boarding school.

They did a good job, there were issues, of course there were, long distance parenting of 6000 miles and a 2 hour time difference with limited access to the internet for us both (me with constant power cuts and him with living in a 17th century house with thick stone walls) wasn't easy. Holidays and visits weren't the same as living under the same roof 24/7.

Each teenager was different, One needed a lot of support from external influences in his life, another was fairly self sufficient from the age of 14 and both these left home at 18. The second youngest was almost 20 when he left home, the early teens were traumatic for us both, the later teens were very pleasant.

Every stage of parenting has been just that.

I can no longer write about my experiences as a mum of teens, than I can write about my birth experiences, it is all a distant memory now.

I can recall events in life, strops and tantrums on holidays, disagreements about days out and the endless fights amongst the 4 brothers. But I can't recall my feelings, I can't recall who did what and when.

I'm not traumatised by raising 4 teenage boys, it just doesn't matter anymore in that respect. Heck I have no idea what day of the week or time any of the kids were born. I need to consult their red books for that.

Each stage of parenting is different and with 4 boys and a girl with profound disabilities, life was never going to be straight forward, merging two sets of children together as a full time family was never going to be easy, but we did it. We all survived and we all enjoy spending time together, not as a family of 7, there are too many issues for that, too much distance and family commitments, but in small groups, visiting us in Dubai or us seeing them on our trips to the UK.

The teenage years went a long time ago in our household, the empty nest has been managed and it's no longer an issue I'm having to adapt to.

It'll be grandchildren next, but I won't be starting over again, I won't be parenting, times have changed on how that is all done and there's still the distance to consider.

That won't change my life anymore than the youngest child turning 20 has.

Do our adult kids still need their mum?

I'd like to think so, but then I examine my relationship with my mother and realise I don't actually need her, I actually want her in my life.

I left home at 17, I've not been parented since, our lives are very different from each others. I now live abroad, but I've always had the need to spread my wings and as much as I think my mother would've liked me as a 'home bird' it was never going to happen. She also moved away from her family at a young age and has remained close with them if not geographically but through visits, letters and regular phone calls.

Around the time I left home, her mother went to live with her for a few years. it wasn't the most successful of stays, but it made her realise that when her time came for being looked after, it wasn't going to be done by her children.

But we're nearing that time, not in the next few years, but in the future for certain. It won't be me needing my mother, it will be her needing her us.

Over the last 2 years the roles have been changing slightly since my father died in 2017. I don't do my mother's finances, I just help and advice her with them. I have no access to her money and every telephone call I make on her behalf she has to verify she's happy for them to talk with me.

I now get to spend time with my mother doing nice things, lunch, coffee's, shopping, short breaks and her visiting us in Dubai. There's no definitive role. She no longer has a say or input in my life in regards to decisions I make, she is not the first person I consult, that is my husband, but she is informed of our decisions, our future moves, our choices and it's been like that for almost 20 years now.

My parents never consulted me after I reached adulthood about moving house or going on holiday, they just informed me. I do the same now. But I still inform her and the children of what is going on, travel plans, my health, friendships and what I bought when I went out shopping.

I'm hoping the same can be said by my children. So far so good. We've been involved in all the major decisions in their lives, they consult us about things, they tell us their travel plans, their plans for the future, if they've bought a new car, but they don't ask us to help them anymore. They'll run their ideas past us, but usually at that point they've made their decision. They'll ask for financial advice, but not for money, with planning their futures, renting a flat, buying a house, planning for their wedding.

They'll ask to stay in our flat and treat it with respect, it's always clean and tidy when I want to use it, we don't charge them rent for living there for periods of time in between jobs or travels. They respect us as adults as we do them.

They are all adults now, they are all financially responsible for themselves, they have other people to consult with before us as parents, which is how it should be.

We've done our job, raised them with minimum hassles, to be strong and independent individuals, with their own views and opinions, but do they still need their mum?

Who knows? We've really not been tested yet as parents to adult children, the 4 boys range in age from 19 - 29. They've all needed guidance at some point since leaving home, help sorting out finances, support making decisions to move abroad and change jobs. We live 3000 miles away from them, we're not there for the day to day stuff, although they do tell us about their normal lives.

We're not there to help with the driving lessons, or take them out for dinner to check in, we have to rely on them contacting us if they need support, we don't see the changes and aren't around to pick up on hints and clues, that they might need us. We rely on them to tell us.

They are all adults now with the youngest turning 20 next month.

Do they need their mum though? No I don't think they do anymore, I'm not and shouldn't be the first person they turn to for help, support and guidance, but they do keep me informed of their life decisions, they know I'm here if they need anything, they know they have a home to go to whether it's using our UK flat or coming to visit us in Dubai. They know they can ask for financial help, but they rarely do, if ever. They know they can tell me anything and I'll support them.

They choose to have a mum as adults, I'm not their friend. That's my husbands role........lol.

A child of the 70's parenting in the 1990's.

This is me, born 1971, most photos are either in B&W or sepia. In most of my childhood photos, I'm not wearing any clothes.

On a beach in Wales on our annual holiday. Around 1974.

Fast forward 30 years. One of only a handful of photo's we have of all 5 of the kids together.

On a beach in France.

These are our kids, child 5, 3, 2, 4 & 1. Born in 1988, 89, 92, 95 & 99.

My parenting journey started in 1992, child 1 & 2 are my step children who were added to my family in 2000.

When my first son was born I had to pay to have a seat belt fitted in the back seats to secure the baby car seat. That car seat kept all 3 of my kids safe and was used by friends also.

In 1999 I got my first mobile phone, I was 28. It was also the year my last child was born. It had no camera or internet access. I had internet in the home but it took ages to connect and load and if the phone rang, it cut out mid 'Ask Jeeves'.

We didn't have SKY or BSB as it was back then till 2002, but we did have a more than the 3 TV channels I grew up with, there was no bedtime hour and if we wanted to record something to watch later it was on VHS.

When I was a child we didn't get VHS until I was 11 and I was the TV remote control.

Cinema when I was a child and a rare one, the first movie I remember seeing was ET, I was 11. 

For my children a trip to the cinema was for a special occasion. 

We had no one to compare our child's development with other than family members, local play groups and in school.

When we weened our children they ate the same food as us, just pureed, there was no stress about bottle or breast, no one judged us for our choices.

We lived in a small village and used local playgroups, we all attended the same anti natal classes and saw the same midwife and health visitor. We were pretty much all of the same when it came to finances and lifestyle and parenting styles.

We got in a car with our kids and drove for hours on an annual holiday, camping or in a chalet for which we saved up the cash, packing the food from the fridge, with maybe 1 night in a restaurant, but always taking picnics on days out. 

If an unexpected bill came up, there was no annual holiday.

We had 2nd hand furniture and didn't replace curtains and carpets just because we didn't like the pattern and we didn't redecorate just because.

We managed these journeys without tabs and electronic devices to entertain the kids with.

We didn't have google to find '10 things to do with kids on a car journey' or "kid friendly restaurants' We planned our trip before we left home and had a picnic on route.

We baked crispy cakes without a recipe, we used cardboard boxes and plastic bottles for junk modelling without reading a blog post for guidance. We let the kids play in the garden with plastic tubs and water, we didn't call it a 'mud kitchen' 

We explored the local woods, collected twigs and stones, but didn't call it 'educational play' 

We used the TV and VHS as a baby sitter. We visited our neighbours taking the baby listener with us.

We let the neighbours kids take our kids over the park for hours at a time and just yelled for them when dinner was ready.

We bought 2nd hand baby items and had hand me downs. We swopped maternity clothes.

We shared day care with our neighbours around our work hours and often had 6 kids between us. We bathed them and they stayed over night even as tiny babies, sharing beds.

We saved up for Christmas and birthdays were held in the home, with pass the parcel and musical bumps. We made sandwiches, home made cakes and poured jugs of squash into plastic beakers. 

We borrowed crockery and cutlery from the neighbours and carried chairs across the cul de sac on Christmas day.

We held weddings and christenings in the local social club, with everyone contributing a dish or two.

We were a lot less stressed, there was less competition, there was little comparison.

I'm grateful I'm not parenting under the glaze of social media.

My parenting differed little from how I was raised other than my kids had seat belts and car seats, I stood in the footwell on car journeys and sat up front without a seat belt.

My parents didn't have mobile phones, but neither did my kids so they knew what time to come home and if they were late we'd know where to find them.

My children will face new challenges when they become parents. I don't know if they'll get dragged along with the latest trends or whether they'll be creating new ones.

All I know is the advice I received as a new parent on the 'do's and don't's' such as co sleeping, or lying a baby on it's back or side' whether to bottle or breast feed, will have changed and who knows maybe they'll receive the same advice I did, because it's back in fashion.

How much do your parenting styles differ from your parents with you? Are there any similarities?

How to be a good Mother In Law

I've been 2a's Mother in Law for 6 weeks now, although she's been part of 2's life for a good few years, I'd have to ask them how many, I forget.

When 2a came into our son's life we were living abroad, we still are. I'm in the UK several times a year and we spend time together, usually visiting child 1 and my own MIL, or I go to theirs or they come to me.

During the year when I'm not in the UK we actually don't communicate a great deal. Neither of them are that active on social media, although 2a will respond within a few hours, 2 can take a week to reply. But the moment I arrive in the UK, the phone rings, messages are sent back and forth and we meet up around their working schedules.

I always wonder though if I'm doing enough, should I be contacting them more, asking if they're ok, if life is treating them good, more general chat about work and day to day life.

Last year our relationship changed, I went from being 2's Mum to being part of his daily life. My father died, they looked after me. As did my other children, but they were on the doorstep, drove me to the funeral, made sure I was OK, putting my needs ahead of theirs. Comforting me when they took me out for dinner and I broke down 2 weeks after the funeral. They helped with clearing my father's things, they checked my mum and child 5 were also ok.

Then just before I returned to Dubai, they announced their engagement. I returned to the UK in February/March but with the snow and a trip to Northern Ireland, our time was limited.

And then I almost messed it up. I asked why the rush to get married, if they could consider changing the date to accommodate our travel arrangements, I questioned the number of groomsmen, how much money they were spending when they both worked part time and why no one would tell me what colour the Mother of the Bride was wearing so I could sort my own outfit out.

At the point 2 asked me why I was being such a bitch?

Did I back off? No. I replied as so.

I'm not being a bitch I'm trying to show you I'm interested and supportive of this wedding. It's called  'You're our first child to get married.' It's tough getting the balance right between showing an interest in your life and for you to not think I'm interfering.

He replied with:

Ok, well let rip on your questions.

The trouble was by the time he replied, I'd gone to bed, thinking I'd messed up. In the morning I woke to this:

Look I'm giving you free reign to ask, so ask. I have noticed and I appreciate.

The amusing part in all of this is, I didn't actually upset my daughter in law to be, she was unaware of this conversation until the other week and told 2a off.

I'm gaining 4a as a daughter in law September 2019, I've already been involved in their planning ideas from venue to colour scheme and cake tasting. This has made the whole process easier to ask questions about, but there's always the risk of a fall out by me putting forward my ideas that may or may not be wanted, in fact to date the only person who has snapped at me was 4. 4a and her mother told him to behave himself.

I don't have to worry about how to be a good mother in law, I need to pay a bit more attention to being a good mother.

Parenting Expat Children

Not all expat parents, parent this way, but in Dubai, some do manage to absolve themselves completely of the role and hand over full responsibility to others. Despite having lived abroad for 4 years in South Africa and 3 1/2 years in Dubai, we've never employed a maid or a nanny.

I'm not comfortable having someone living in my home full time and it's a huge responsibility in regards to their visa and has financial implications. For the first 3 years of life abroad we had 2 of the children living with us. Occasionally I would pay someone to do the ironing and we paid a gardener, but little ironing or gardening ever really got done.

In South Africa we didn't live in an expat community, we just rented a house on an estate, there were very few British people around, in Dubai that community is made up of expats. Only 21% of the population are Emirati's.

90% of those expats who have their spouse and children living here, have at least a part time maid, but most people who can afford it have a full time maid and/or nanny.

There is no police check required to live or work in Dubai, yes seriously, I wasn't even asked for one when I was teaching. But unlike Teachers, maids and nannies do not have to be qualified in child care to take on almost 24/7 responsibility for the families children. A monthly salary for a nanny is between £400 & £600 a month, it will often include 1 trip home a year, accommodation which is a small room and shower and medical aid.

While some parents are both working, many mothers aren't and yet the nanny does 99% of the parenting, or rather supervision of the children. I'm not singling out any nationalities and I am generalising (from personal experience) I'm also British and I will say what I'm about to say does not exclude them either.

Parenting is to be or act as a mother or father to someone. To me this includes the basics below:

• raise/bring up
• look after/nature
• take care of
• educate/lead by example
• discipline

As well as supporting the child's physical, emotional, social and intellectual development.

It DOES NOT mean leaving your child to be supervised by someone else 24/7.

Take a typical walk around the mall, nannies pushing the prams, chasing after toddlers, carrying the bags.

Visit a restaurant and nannies sit on the children's table, running back and forth to the toilet and spoon feeding the children even at school ages.

Go to a park, parents often not present, nannies running after the children, picking them up when they fall.

Visit the pool again parents often not present. Maid/nanny on their phone, taking a break from picking up after the kids all the day and cleaning the house, children in the pool unsupervised.

When you trust your children to the care of another, that does not resolve you from any responsibility, nor does it give you the right to scream abuse at the person you've handed this responsibility over to. As the child's parent you have a duty of care to ensure that your child is in a safe environment, that they are guided and supported and heaven bid that they may be disciplined from time to time, to teach them values.

As a teacher, I discovered many parents thought their 4/5 year old was toilet trained. As the nanny was around 24/7 changing wet clothes, taking the child to the toilet and on some occasions still having the child in nappies, the parent was none the wiser because a) the nanny didn't tell them and b) they never did anything with their child without the nanny around.

When asking the nanny why she didn't tell the parent, she would reply 'I will lose my job'

Sadly the nanny is often stuck between a rock and a hard place. If they discipline the child and the child complains to a parent, they are also disciplined. Nannies are also maids responsible for cleaning the house, clearing up after meals, the families laundry and almost everything else.
They work long hours and it has only been in 2018 that a law was implemented to ensure nannies and other employees, work no more than 12 hours a day and must have a period of 8 hours in a row as a break, to ensure they get enough sleep.

The other week a child was having a melt down in the street, the other children had been withdrawn by their nannies and this child was lying on the floor, screaming and actually kicking the nanny. I asked him to calm down and what the matter was, he lashed out and ran off, the nanny just smiled and followed him, he hit her again, she backed off. I stuck my head through the open door of the villa and yelled 'please come and parent your own child' 10 minutes later I can hear the mother screaming at the nanny not to embarrass her again in front of the neighbours, a few minutes later the child was back outside with the nanny following at a distance.

As a member at the local swimming pool, I see children as young as 18 months, left totally unsupervised in the pool, with floats and toys. The nanny will often be on their phone or talking to another nanny. The children run around, the life guard will ask them not to run, but they ignore him. No one speaks to the nanny or heaven forbid even tell the child NOT to run if the parent is actually present.

It's not just the nannies though who are frightened they will lose their job if a complaint is made. Security and restaurant staff turn a blind eye to a lot of things also. Their response when I ask them why they don't say anything is 'I will lose my job if the parent complains about me'

I've been run into by a child riding a bike in a sports shop. I asked 'whose child is this? Please parent them' the parent just walked over to the child and told them to ride elsewhere. Security gave me a half smile.

In restaurants parents will sit and enjoy their meal, while kids run feral with the nanny chasing them around to make sure she knows where they are.

The nannies and the parents in these situations provide no guidance or discipline. They don't tell the children that their behaviour is unacceptable, they don't ask the child to turn the volume down or ask them not to disturb other people. They let them do what they want, when and how they want and if challenged, they will often ignore you and you'll not get any back up or support from the staff as they're frightened they're lose their jobs.

The parents don't give the nanny authority to parent the child or discipline them. The child often has little or no respect for the nanny. The nanny in effect just follows the child around, wipes their mouth and their backside and lets them do what they want, making sure they get returned at the end of the evening.

This is a huge problem for society in the future. Children without boundaries, awareness of other people, entitlement (you see this in a lot of the adults here) few manners, the problems children will face when they return to their home countries, attending new schools, not having maids and nannies, having to tidy their own bedrooms, have restricted pocket money and still expecting the best of everything,

I challenge this and any other unsafe practice I witness. My husband tells me to keep out of it, but as a former Child Welfare Officer and a teacher, I'm unable to ignore unsafe practice.

I don't know when life became so hectic that people had to employ full time nannies to look after their children, especially when not working. I have been informed for a lot of expats, it's security. They're thousand of miles from home with no family support either.

1. 
   

Stop fretting about parenting and labelling it

I am a mother to 5 children now aged 30. 28, 26, 23 and 19 (I have 2 step children I inherited at age 10 and 11)

I see so many blog posts about the right and wrong way to care for your child. At what age they should be doing something and giving every stage of their lives a label and trying to ensure their child is not just average, but leading the way, a future leader.

Too many of the bloggers call themselves 'parenting experts' and have large followers of parents trying to achieve the same goals in life for themselves and their children. many of these bloggers also write posts about 'Mum shaming'

Expert advice on potty training, because they're on their second child and now qualify as an expert. The benefits to your child from 'baby wearing' the baby lead weening debate v's the force feeding your child with a spoon and the risks they may face later on in life. Co-sleeping, controlled crying.

How to choose the right school, 'is my child taking part in enough after school activities?' to 'Is your child taking part in too many after school activities'

'My child has limited screen time and then it's only education games they play'

'The benefits of allowing your 2 year old to have their own Ipad'

And healthy snacks for kids, fussy eaters, breast v's bottle and the list goes on.

I prefer to read and write in the style of experience. Sharing my experiences/stories of what happened, what we did and how we resolved issues. I hope I don't/never come across as telling people what and how to do things.

Every stage of parenting is a new experience and the memories of the last stage that were so important and time consuming get forgotten.

Memories:

I know the dates my kids were born on, the day and the time is slightly hazy, I'd have to consult their red books.

The first child on a Friday, in the morning. The second child after Eastenders so a Tuesday or a Thursday (it was only on twice a week back then) the 3rd child? I have no idea.

Length of stay in hospital, 3 days, 1 night and home the same day. All induced, first child 10 days late, other 2 on their due dates.

No idea of the name of the midwife, not even sure if it's written down anywhere, but I do know the name of the hospitals.

1st day at school? Relief on both occasions for the first two as there was a younger sibling at home. Last child's 1st day? Freedom and back to work full time. I don't recall how I actually felt, I probably cried, I tend to, but I don't actually recall these emotions.

School chosen? The one over the road.
After school clubs, whatever they wanted.
Out of school clubs? Mainly football, cubs, gym, swimming.

Yes there were hassles, I was a full time taxi driver

Extra clothing and equipment and school uniform bought? 2nd hand shop, almost every time and hand me downs? I learnt some expensive mistakes.

School shoes? Woolworths.

Involvement in school? Too many wasted years on the PTA, too much fretting over baking cakes, reading records, dress up days, who got picked for the school play/team.

Party bags and who to invite to parties. In the village hall, the garden, the park, the odd cinema or bowling trip with a handful of friends.

We had no social media back them. I didn't even own a mobile phone and what internet we had was dial up on a desk top computer that took half an hour to load.

Our only competition/interference?

Our parents and other school mums in the village in which we lived in.


What I do remember and feel is important about raising our 5 children is the following:

How we listened to them and took their concerns seriously.

How we sat as a family at the table for dinner every night, even if only 2 of us were in.

How we set boundaries in regards to bed times, no tv's in rooms, mobile phone weren't a right of passage.

How we encouraged that an A for effort was all that mattered and reminded them that even if they failed an exam/test that they had worked their hardest towards it.

How we didn't have expectations of them attending University, but even before education was made compulsory to the age of 18, as a child they did not have the right at 16 to decide they were just going to sit at home all day, doing nothing.

The importance of part time jobs and earning pocket money.

Telling the children 'no' from time to time.

Teaching them the importance of understanding they wouldn't be picked every time for the school play/team and if they wanted something they needed to work harder for it.

Being last was OK, we're not all good at everything.

Letting them make decisions from informed and limited choices.

Taking them to visit grandparents, encouraging their relationship with the absent parent and families, regardless of how that made us feel.

Did we get it right as parents?

There have been complaints now all 5 children have reached adulthood, about what they saw was fair and not fair, about why 1 child was allowed to attend an activity that they couldn't do. It was probably about behaviour, family dynamics, costs.

We often talk about some of the 'moments' we had when things were really bad, stressful, when money was tight and I made costumes/outfits for school events that the child involved had a melt down and refused to wear a cardboard box, I'd decorated as one of the mister men to school.

We often recall some of the biggest strops, where a child wandered off and disappeared for hours in a foreign town because we refused to buy them a certain toy and they called me a 'crap mummy for the rest of the holiday.

All 5 of our kids now live independently, jobs, girlfriends, finances and one will be married in just under 2 weeks.

All our kids still speak to us, visit (at great expense as we live in Dubai) make an effort to come together when we're in the UK, occasionally ask us for guidance and support. They rarely ask for money, but we offer it. For the wedding, for the last child's deposit and first months rent.

Regrets:

When I look back at the top photo, all I see is a snap shot in time. I don't relate to how those small children became the adults they are today. I see them as they are now in the photo above. Well rounded adults with a future. I didn't know or couldn't predict their future back them. I didn't know we'd end up living abroad, leaving the 3 eldest ones in the UK as they'd already reached 18 and left home. All I can say is they developed their own personalities, made their own choices, failed and succeeded in all the things I mentioned above.

But I also didn't know at the time that at what age they reached certain milestones, were weaned, potty trained, sat up, crawled or walked wasn't going to matter in the long run, they are who they are now and if they want to make changes, it's up to them. But I can continue to be their mum, support and guide them, lead by example and encourage that A for effort.

Living with an empty nest.

You might see this title and think, yep that's me, my kids have flown the nest, or you think, this will be me in a few years, but I bet most of you are counting down the days thinking you can't wait till the kids leave home.

I'll then take a guess at the ages of your children. In their mid to late 20's and older. 15-18 year olds or pre school children.

That's usually the response I get, from the parents of kids who are those ages, when I say I have an empty nest.

But what surprises most people is my age and the age of my youngest child.

I'm 46 and my last chick flew the nest in 2014. But it wasn't my youngest child. My youngest child was 13 when he left home to go to boarding school in the UK, as were living in South Africa. We're now in Dubai and as he turned 18 last year, he didn't join us, he's opted to stay in the UK and seek work there. You can read more in the Daily Mail about my experience as a mum of a child in boarding school (scroll to the last interview)

My kids also haven't gone to University, the eldest two boys left home aged 18 and moved away with their career in the army and in the hotel industry. The next child left aged almost 19 to pursue his career in the army also. There has been a clean cut off point, no coming and going over a period of a few years, just there one day as kids and the next off into the big wide world as adults.

I noticed some huge changes within a week of the being an empty nester there was fuel in the car and change in my purse. 2 months on and I was enjoying myself, days of 'me time' and no agenda, I could do what I wanted when I wanted.

Then it went all downhill, but we moved countries and life just got complicated in a different way, I didn't adjust to life in Dubai, I didn't want to invest all my time to have the rug pulled from under my feet when we moved on again. I blamed the children for not being here, for being able to use them to make friends, to get to know more about what was going on and the best places to meet people. I blamed everything on empty nest syndrome until right now, as I was writing this post (which is now a week a go) It's been 4 years since my last chick flew the nest.

I don't have an empty nest anymore, I just just have a new phase in my life that I need to learn to enjoy.

Alcohol, Parents and Teens.

Last week on #TweensTeensBeyond Co-Host Mother of Teenagers asked 'What is Responsible Drinking for Parents?' I am a great believer that children follow by example and experience has shown me that if parents drink heavily or un responsibly in front of their children it can lead to them consuming alcohol at an earlier age.

I rarely drink when I'm on my own. There have been quite a few times when I've had a call in the middle of the night which has resulted in an emergency dash to a hospital with a child or for a family member. There was a situation about 12 years ago when I poured myself a rum and coke before bed and I was distracted by a last minute 'hunt the PE kit' when hubby phoned to say he'd arrived back at Heathrow but his luggage and car keys hadn't and I had to bundle 4 kids into the car and drive down from Worcestershire with the spare keys.

Back in 2014 I worked with South African Breweries whilst living in South Africa to raise awareness of their 18+ campaign to educate children and teenagers about the dangers of drinking and to say no to alcohol. It covered a range of subjects from signs your child is drinking, talking to your teen about alcohol and alcohol responsibility at social events. Part of the campaign included a family day out to Sun City where we spent the day on Segways providing us with the opportunity to talk about the dangers of drinking alcohol. I had another opportunity and a captive audience a few weeks later when the teen and I spent 27 hours on the Shosholoza Meyl Train traveling from Joburg to Cape Town.

Peer pressure is one of the biggest reasons kids drink. Adverts in the media show young adults, drinking alcohol and having fun, being grown up. TV adverts glamourize alcohol and the message of ‘enjoy responsibly’ is rarely taken in as a warning, more of a slogan.

There are many reasons as to why under 18s drink alcohol, they mimic behavior of others around them, their friends and family members, they may complain of being bored, stressed, unhappy, lack confidence, want to rebel or are angry. There could be death in the family, a change of school, not doing as well in their subjects as they wanted. 

Many teenagers go though these stages and not all take to drinking alcohol, some may take drugs also, self harm or become reclusive, some have eating problems. But not all teenagers resort to the above, some will choose to talk to a parent, a teacher, a family member or a friend. From an early age we teach our children about the rights and wrongs, we teach them to say pleases and thank yous to say no to strangers if offered sweets or a lift. We can empower our children from an early age to say NO to anything they don’t want to do, teach them to walk away, ask them will these so called friends be there to help them in a difficult situation? Teach them the concesquences of their behavior, their actions, even the future implications on their working and family lives and future relationships. A lot of what you say may appear to go in one ear and out the other, but they take in a lot more than you realise.

I've fallen out with many a friend because they've purchased alcohol for their child, as they put it 'to control the situation' I’ve had children to sleep over who've brought alcohol with them and had my kids return from parties where alcohol has been provided by parents. I’ve seen parents sneaking a bottle of alco pops to their children as as they call it ‘it’s not proper alcohol anyway’

As a child we had alcohol in the house, my parents weren't drinkers, in fact my Mother doesn't like the taste of alcohol and even as an adult has felt peer pressure to 'let herself go, unwind and have a drink'

We also have alcohol in the house and while I enjoy a glass of wine or a spirit from time to time, I rarely drink in the week and hardly ever alone. I tend only to have more than a few when we have visitors for a braai or a party and only have an alcoholic drink when out if hubby is driving and doesn't have any alcohol. I usually volunteer to be the driver because I don't NEED alcohol to have fun and to be honest too may people here tend to think one or two drinks won’t impair their ability to drive and besides as they say ‘I’ve had something to eat, it’ll be out my system soon’

I must say for us now with no children living permanently at home we tend not to invite friends with children round to social gatherings and many of our friends have babes in arms, we have never allowed our children alcohol at home other than to have a sip to try it when they’ve pestered and every time they’ve been disgusted by the taste and ask why do we drink it?

When the eldest child turned 18, we were in America where the drinking age is 21. We bought him a bottle of cider and he didn’t drink it, I guess being given permission by your parents isn’t a lot of fun.

The legal age in South Africa to buy and consume alcohol is 18. Alcohol to under 18s is only permitted for religious reasons and can only be given under supervision of the parents. In Dubai the legal drinking age is 21. You also have to have a license to purchase alcohol if you are resident here, which requires you having permission from your sponsor and proving you are not a muslim.

However the legal age in the UK differs greatly, a child under the age of 5 may only be given alcohol under medical supervision, aged 5 drink alcohol only on private premises, aged 16+ with a meal on licenced premises but the adult must order and pay for the alcohol and aged 18+ to purchase and drink alcohol, unrestricted. 

Do you allow your child to consume alcohol? What are your reasons?

Advice for a new mum

Parenting since 1992.

This is me with my 1st born, aged almost 3 months old. The day this photo was taken, I got on a plane to Barcelona to go on holiday for a week.

That baby is now 25 and boy doesn't he go on about how I abandoned him. When he reached 18, he left home and 3 months later we moved to South Africa.

25 years on, he has emigrated to Australia.

I had 2 more children in 1995 and 1999 and in 2000 I inherited a 10 & a 11 year old when I remarried.

I think I've done ok as a mum, hubby hasn't done too bad either, as a dad. All 5 of the kids still speak to us. We visit them regularly and they come to visit us in Dubai for their annual holidays accompanied by their girlfriends.

Each one of my 3 boys learnt different things at different times. the eldest was 13 months when he walked, the 2nd was up and running around 10 months and youngest........oh I have no idea, I stopped recording every single milestone by then.

For the eldest child I have a perfectly completed 'my first year' book, complete with lockets of hair, first teeth etc. Nothing other than the red book for child 2 and by the time the youngest was born, I hardly visited the health visitor so the red book is half empty other than dates of inoculations.

Things that seemed important at the time, but have no relevance now:

Dates, days and times of birth.

Eldest Friday 7.29am

Middle after Eastenders, narrows the day down to a Tuesday or Thursday

Youngest 3 4.40pm?????

Age at first tooth.

No idea

Potty trained.

Eldest At the expected development time

MiddleBefore starting school

Youngest Sometime after starting school

Breast/Bottle/Weened

Eldest breast fed 6 weeks, bottle fed till aged 1 and weened at 6 months as per the health visitor.

Middle Breast fed till 4 months, bottle fed till 1 year and weened

Youngest Breast fed exclusively 4 months and then breast and bottle fed till 6 months and weened at 6 months also.

You see the thing is they are all now adults, they can all read and write. they all have different interests and hobbies and personalities. They have favourite foods, music, football teams, political opinions and different views on Brexit.

It doesn't matter now at what age they took their first steps, said their first words or even rode a bike. They are who are they are now and there is nothing we can do about it.

Raising kids is hard, but you don't have to make it harder on yourself, try not to over think it, don't compare yourself to others with any milestone for your child.

Every stage is a challenge, every stage can be stressful, every stage is the hardest thing you've done, but raising kids is like giving birth, once you've done it, you forget all about it, until the next one comes along, let your child go with the flow and trust me, if you're relaxed, they will be also and milestones achieved with greater ease.

Have you read my post on Parenting without Social Media? I do believe parenting was much easier back then. 

Parenting without Social Media

So it worked for you, that bit of advice you picked up from the health visitor, teacher, friend or even off social network. But it doesn't mean you can start making other parents feel like they're failing because it doesn't work for them.

If you choose not to immunize your children that is your right, but don't tell other people that they're risking a life of disability with their child as you could be also & if your child contracts an illness they could have been immunized against, they and you could be responsible for making another child who is maybe too young for the next set of jabs very ill. 

Ok that may be a bit extreme, you're untitled to your views and opinions but I'm fedup of seeing so many people quick to put others down then play the victim and claim they're being harassed by another blogger who disagrees with them. 

Don't try and make your battles, other people's. Use the proper channel if you as a family have been unfairly treated, talk about it, blog about it but stop trying to convince others that you are right, you may be, you may not be.

Bizarre as it may seem at the ripe old age of 44, I birthed 3 boys, all were induced, all were full term. I spent quite a few of those years as a single mum and purchased everything 2nd hand. Things were handed down and around with friends, kids were often swopped out with the neighbours kids for weekends camping, there were no gadgets, no sterilisers, no breast pumps and no labels.

When you give a process a label, one is being set up to fail. Baby Led Weening was doing the rounds on Mumsnet this week. As far as I can work out it involves sitting your child in a high chair, with the same foods as the rest of the family and letting them feed themselves. As one mumsnetter was informed 'she was insulting her child's intelligence by shoving a spoon in it's face'

I breast and bottle fed all 3 to different ages, I mashed up their food (I didn't own a liquidiser) and spoon fed them, I let them eat and explore their own foods.

I didn't have pram envy, or designer nursery's, I didn't have bank loans and credit cards to pay for all the stuff I didn't need. I was proud to announce I'd picked up something for almost free and the competition at nursery and later in the school play ground was all about who knew who and what they were passing down this week.

I visited the mobile toy library, we swopped toys out, we donated and exchanged toys at the local play group.

Yes parents in the playground judged others, gossiped, compared reading ages, but that was human nature. Shock most of us were SAHM's, there were quite a few SAHD's but we didn't use labels. But we, as many generations before us didn't know that one day it would be labelled and others would then feel they could judge us for our decisions. Some of us parents had part time or full time jobs as the children grew, but did we judge? No, we collected one anthers children, helped with homework and fed them their tea.

The majority of the village owned their own home, bought in the 1990's when one could get on the property ladder, owned one car and foreign holidays were reserved for when your kids had grown up.

There were no demands for insisting children could miss school to be taken on a family holiday, quoting it as a 'human right'

Back in my day, if it didn't exist, we didn't have it and if we couldn't afford it, we didn't buy it. But we didn't judge others when they couldn't afford to get their car fixed, we gave them lifts. They didn't go out and buy a new pram instead of paying their bills.

No one told you they couldn't afford new school uniform, pay their utility bills, put food on their table yet in the same sentence boast about their new coordinated furniture, designer curtains and TV.

I've recently seen people blogging about holidays abroad, complaining that their child's school won't let them have time off and 'sod it' they'll take the child out anyway as apparently 2 weeks on a beach in a resort is more educational than school, then a couple of weeks later they're blogging about how they can't pay their bills and then moaning about how their child was excluded from an end of term trip due to their attendance record.

It seems that some people in life are going to find things to complain about regardless. Thinking that their basic needs and rights as a family include foreign holidays to keep up with the Jones's. Debt, repossession of houses, complaining that their benefits are being cut, but not cutting back on their Sky, Internet and Phone subscriptions on the grounds that because everyone else has it, it's their right to have it also and then using their 3G coverage to find the local food bank and claiming their kids will be bullied if they don't have certain clothing, phones etc, etc, etc.

We weren't envious, we accepted that our time would come, when our kids left home. In the meantime the kids knew they'd have to wait till xmas for that football shirt or a certain toy/gadget. The TV was huge as in depth and took up half the lounge and we couldn't afford sky so we just didn't have it. I didn't have my first mobile phone until after my youngest was born in 1999 and it was 2001 before I got the internet at home.

I've been told I'm selfish, lucky and spoilt for having my children in Private School, living abroad etc etc. I've been told I have no idea what the real world is like and how 'people like me' don't care about those living in poverty. I lived in South Africa for 4 years and worked full time as a volunteer and let me tell you, living in a shack with no electricity and having to walk 4km for drinking water daily is poverty.

I have what I have now as I worked and I studied.

So why was it different for me as a young and single mum in the 1990's, compared to todays parents 20+ years on?

We lived in a community where everyone had similar values, standards, upbringings and income. I was a much younger mum, living in an older generation, most of my neighbours, friends and school mums with a few exceptions were a minimum of 10 years older than me with kids the same age.

But more importantly, there was no social media, we compared our lives to the others directly around us, we all attended the same nursery's, doctors, pubs, shops we met and knew the same people. Apart from a newspaper article or a story in Take a Break, we weren't influenced by 24 hour TV, adverts, there was no one telling us we would face problems if we didn't buy a certain product, parent in a certain way.

We put our babies to sleep how we found fit, we fed them, potty trained them, educated them, taught them values and demonstrated standards. I keep in touch now with most of these people from my early parenting days, in fact 2 women and their husbands are still very good friends, the girl I used to baby sit, who than baby sat my kids, now has a child of her own. She doesn't do twitter, isn't on face book much, doesn't blog, she works as a theatre nurse, owns her own home with her partner and has no idea what I'm on about somedays when I ask her opinion on breast feeding, co sleeping and baby led weening. She just doesn't have time for it, I just didn't have it.

All our kids are well and healthy, they may not have had the games, the designer clothes, the foreign holidays. But they do have an education, they talk none stop about the camping trips when they were young, the days out with the play groups and school trips and spending time with the neighbours.

Before you get wound up that you're failing as a parent because Social Media tell you are failing, consider where the report, information, advice comes from. Remember journalists will tell you what they think you want to hear, case studies are carried out on very small numbers. Remember statistics can be manipulated to fit the response the advertisers want and don't forget in order to sell you a product a company will quite often scaremonger you you into believing there is a problem that they can solve with one simple 'click' and before you know it, you have purchased yet another product or resource that you don't actually need for parenting, it just makes you feel you're doing something to protect or enhance your child's well being.

I'm grateful my parenting days are over and I'm more than grateful that I wasn't bullied by social media into raising my children how a small proportion of people see fit, when at the end of the day, that's their problem and not mine.