Nothing to do

There are so many things we'll have to do if the move to South Africa goes ahead, but until we find out if/when we go, there's little point in starting anything. I've already stripped the house and the cupboards of all the stuff we never use...bread maker, old toys and books that the kids have finished reading. The clothes went to the charity shops, the books to the doctors surgery, they sell them to raise funds for an autistic charity. I've passed some of the kids toys onto friends and I'm selling the rest at boot sales.

I've tidied all my work files and caught up with cases. I've been assessing my students at top speed so I can finish them by the end of October rather than christmas. I've tidied the cupboard under the stairs and the cleaning cupboard to make sure everything gets used up. We've employed a cleaner ready for putting the house on the market and have sorted out 20 years worth of house hold bills and shredded everything we don't need.

And as a result I'm now bored and frustrated, bored about not being to start any new projects and frustrated as there is so much to do but can't start it yet. When we do get the go, go, go...I'm not going to know my arse from my elbow and I shall be chasing my tail in an attempt to get 'everything' sorted probably in a short space of time....so off now to paint my nails and read a book. I'm not used to this 'me time' I need things to do.

We're moving...well maybe

Hubby took a phone call from work beginning of September, youngest son was in the car...he was offered a job in South Africa...would I go?

Hell, yes I would..wouldn't you?

As son overheard we told middle son and they both said YES YES YES. It's something we've talked about as a family for the past 4 years we've just been waiting for it to happen.

We will find out next week.....or the week after...or the week after that.....and we are still waiting.

Don't tell anyone said hubby, and promptly told his best mate and the neigbours....I had to tell someone also...so most of you on twitter know by now.....and had to discuss it with family in case the kids said anything. The hardest call was to the boys Dad to check he wasn't going to say no, but thankfully he said Yes, it was a great opportunity and he could always come and visit. (Didn't think that one through, did I?)

I then had to tell my 18 year old. He only left home 4 days earlier and there I was telling him we may be moving on the other side of the world. His response 'Well I'll be a proper Nanna's boy now, won't I?'

We've discussed renting/selling the house. What do we do with all the furniture, how much does it cost to ship stuff abroad? I'll have to sell my car.

Schools? Safety? Rent or buy? Rent, have since found out that if we buy we won't be able to take our moneyback out.

Financial advisor? Off shore account? Mobile phone contract, still got a year to run.

OMG what do we do first? What will we forget? We've thrown our lists in the bin, the excitement has died down. We'll end up jinxing it.

Now I've got Mum and Dad on phone most days...have you heard yet? Had the chance to develop my career, put it on hold. Do I cancel the next part of my degree? Can I continue with The OU in South Africa.

So we find out this week, sometime, big meeting in the states, many items being discussed. Peter is on a list of many decisions to be made.

All we can do now is cross our fingers, carry on with daily life, don't make any plans for the immediate future, replied Yes to a wedding next year knowing we won't be able to go to it if we move.

I've found something to do. South Africa or not we are decorating, repainting the outside of the house, new fence panels and got rid of all the junk and been having fun sorting it and taking it to the boot sales.

Watch this space I'll let you know soon what's going on, and Yes, we will be disappointed if it doesn't go ahead but it'll be for a reason and we'll find something else just as exciting to do, somehow.

Weddings

My first wedding was a do for my parents...I borrowed a dress and we had the WRVS do the catering in the church hall, we ate, no disco then a night in a hotel. Hubbies 1st wedding was a massive do in a castle, the full works. But both of us said we never recognised half the guests or really enjoyed it that much.

My sister has also had two weddings, the limo was too long to go round the mini roundabout.

Don't get me wrong I love weddings, as a guest and spent the weekend with friends as they married. It was a lovely simple do, but not cheap.

Hubby and I got engaged in Las Vegas, in the car park of Maceys, he didn't fancy getting married there and then as we still weren't living together. So we sold both houses and three weeks before ours was ready, to move into, we eloped to Chester, just the two of us. On our arrival we were gate crashed by three sets of our dearest friends and afterwards we walked through Chester to an Italian restaurant and asked for a table for eight. They were fully booked, but the customers made way for us. One friend brought a cake.

Then it was time for the honeymoon. I spent the week packing and moving, with Mothers help and hubby went to Isreal 48hrs later, with work.

It has been eight years now of marriage and we keep saying we'll renew our vows and have a big do...but quite frankly, back then, it was all about us and still is now.

Being the first

In 2000 Steps sonstarted secondary school and step daughter aged 12 moved into care. It was a difficult time. In 2002 my eldest started secondary school followed by middle son in 2006. In 2003 youngest started primary school. In 2007 Step son turned 18 and left home. In 2009 Step daughter was 21 and in 2010 Step son turned 21, my eldest turned 18 and left home and youngest started secondary school.

Mother-in-law is fantastic treats my children the same as she treats hubbies two. Birthdays, Christmasas, starting college (helping with the funding) and leaving home.
I have two friensd who made a fuss of Step sons 18th, leaving home and 21st and with my eldest 18th but there it ends.

All our family and friends have kids younger than us and do not understand the significance of these events as they have yet to experience them but when I discuss it with them and explain my anxieties, excitement and nerves etc it just doesn't registar. Then it slowly starts to registar with theirs and they knock on my door and expect help and support and words of wisdom which I give freely.

I have cousins giving birth soon and I'm expected to give them things, advice and send cards of congratulations. I don't recall the last time they sent me a birthday card yet alone acknowledged the birth of one of my children or any of their life events.

So from now on I will not be rushing out to buy an 18th, leaving home, new baby card etc. If it's important enough for them to mention it in the hope I will acknowledge it then I will learn from example. Mine were first, I mentioned it, did they acknowledge?

Missing the kids?

Every summer my 11yo son goes away for a month. He spends a week with my parents then 2 weeks with his dad then another week at my mums. I'm grateful for the break he is very demanding and extremely messy.

I spend the first few days celebrating my freedom...I can go to work and not stress hubby or 18yo out but asking them to look after him....I can pop to the shops without him demanding I spend a small fortune on him or spend the entire trip persuading him to get out of the car, walk up town with me and not have to resort to bribing him with a trip to Cafe Neros.

I then spend the middle bit feeling guilty...he's not that bad...really

Then I panic...OMG so much to do must get on with it...tidy his room and chuck the junk away (although what I call junk are his precious things)

Then I feel resentful he's coming home soon and I haven't had long enough and don't want him to come home and the guilt kicks in again.

He's home tomorrow and now I'm looking forward to his return...have been chatting with him this morning on facebook and he NEEDS to come back now.

By Sunday I'll be looking forward to the next holiday when I farm him out again.

Do YOU just walk on by?

I don't and it gets me into terrible trouble sometimes with Hubby and kids moaning that one day it will go wrong.

Sometimes one just has to say something. It's all too easy to tweet or say 'you'll never guess what happened to me today'.

Today in Stockport a woman aged mid 20's screached at her son....'do that one more time you little bastard and i'll get that woman to smack you one' I was the woman she was referring to, the child was approximately 7 years of age.

People tutted, shook their heads and walked past. Me? I challenged her there was no reasoning I just told her straight that it was unacceptable to call a child that and to threaten him in such a way.

Her response was 'Fuck off, you interfering bitch'. I politely told her I wasn't interfering as she had used me to threaten her son. She stepped towards me, pointing her finger in my face and screaming obscenities threatening to smack me out.

I remained calm and started to back off as it was subjecting her son and other children to even more abuse and at that point I was approached by two police officers.

While I quietly and calmly explained what had happened she continued hurling abuse and after giving my name and address I walked away...just far enough to see what happened the police woman took the child out of shouting distance while the other officer informed her she would be arrested if this behaviour continued.

Do you know what the saddest thing about all of this was? The child was not in any obvious distress it appeared to be normal and acceptable behaviour from his mother.

sad about leaving the kids

I've noticed recently how many people say they feel sad or guilty for going out without their children and leaving them behind with dad or grandparents and a list of instructions. mmmmm you don't have the sole rights to them you know. If things aren't done your way it doesn't mean that things are done wrong. If you miss them that bad don't go out. These are the same people that are going to end with their kids still living at home in their mid 20's with mum as their best friend....seen it so many times.

I left my son with my parents for a week when he was 6 weeks old..I won tickets to the Olympic games in Barcelona and guess what? people said it was wrong, how could I? I'd never do that.....these same people are now moaning at me that they never get time with their partner and want to have more in life than to be just known as a mummy.

How did you meet yours?

I'm the eldest by a few months and with that comes maturity, responsibility and wisdom.

I have 5 children, she has one.

Three of mine have left home, two are in secondary school. Hers is just coming out of nappies.

When we first met I was dressed as a dalek, she was naked apart from a white paper hat.

She has no become one of my closest friends yet we've met three times..think I could tell her just about anything and probably have already.

No we weren't in Kindergarden we were 37 years of age playing fancy dress friday on twitter.

You can find her as @mediocre_mum (or in the pub)

Kids are spoil sports

1.The kids used to get in the bath with me, then they reached the stage where they would get in the bath water after me, then they insisted on clean water....now they don't wash.

2. The kids used to insist the Christmas decorations went up 1st December.....now they know what they are having in advance.

3. The kids used to get me to make extravagant costumes for Halloween, decorate the house and bake goodies to give away...now they won't even answer the door.

4. I bought the kids some England flags.....they won't let me put them up.

Kids are spoil sports...are yours?

Lead by example

I've talked about this before in regards to my 15yo son, but it appears nothing has changed or is going to change.

'He is disruptive, he swears in class, he argues back and often storms out of lessons.'

(That's todays feedback)

Typical behaviour, no an absolute one off, no other child ever does this at his school. So tell me why he's never been excluded, tell me why I'm not called in week after week...go on I dare you.

He is not an adult, HE IS A CHILD. Yes he is responsible for his behaviour and must face the consequences, but his behaviour WILL NOT change when he constantly faces negativity from adults around him.

YOU make the first step, YOU are the adult, YOU demonstrate positive behaviour and he will respond.

Telling my son constantly it...'it had to be you didn't it?' 'here we go again' 'When there's trouble here you are' is not and will not help him in any way at all.

When the rest of the class speak up and say 'Sir/Miss, it wasn't him' and YOU ignore them. And you shout at my son and tell him to 'Get out your classromm' is not going to change his behaviour.

OK, I except on the last occasion the teacher had the guts to apologise, but guess what? They didn't apologise in a loud voice, in front of his peer group or indeed loud enough for the class next door to hear, but quietly and meekly in the corridor as they hurried off to their next lesson.

One final note. Yes, I do know what it's like. I do teach mainstream children and adults, students with behavioural and learning difficulties. I also work in Child Welfare and I am a Psychology student. So been there and done that and often under OFSTED conditions.

Bullying in school

For those of you that read my tweets you'll know I have lots of problems with my 15 year old and his behaviour, however I know that if I shout at him that will just make it worse. But sometimes I have enough with 2 other kids at home plus complicated visits home from step children, combined with an absent hubby in the week, a job and a degree.

When I send my children to school, I expect them to be cared for and treated correctly and certainly not to be shouted at and put down and made to feel useless by an adult in front of their peers.

I do not expect to collect my 15 year old son from school in floods of tears on a regular basis, due to the way he's been blamed and accused of doing things he has taken no role in. This is always evidenced by the other students, by this time though he has served the detention or break time consequence and no apology is given to my him by the adults involved.

To be told everyday by different teachers to shut up, get on with it, leave the classroom is not conclusive to his emotional well being.

I accept my son does wrong, I accept he has stormed out of lessons when hes been told off for doing something he actually did and I have supported the school with punishments at home reflective of the severity of the crime.

There are far too many incidents to trawl through and the school are never willing to go back and discuss anything other than the current one. But this is what happened today and is typical of his school week.

Lining up outside class teacher yells to stop messing around. He is shoved from behind and pushed through doorway of another class, he is yelled at for disturbing the class. In the lesson two girls giggling and screeching, he is told to shut up and tidy up the mess behind him. On his return from the bin a child shoulder barges him sending him flying. He is ordered straight outside the class where he sits for last 20mins with no work to do. Pupils in class complain to teacher immediately that it wasn't his fault.

At end of lesson when all pupils have gone home, Teacher says to him I accept it wasn't you and walks off. No apology, nothing. Silly boy answered him back and guess what Teachers word against his again. The Head can't see me till after half term.

'Gender Disappointment' : Coping with the 'wrong' baby

I read this on twitter today from @parentpages ‘Gender disappointment’: Coping with the ‘wrong’ baby >> do you want a boy or a girl >> why do we even ask? http://bit.ly/afHD3n

I felt great disappointment when my 3rd son was born, not because I had another boy, not because I was a failure, but because I knew then I had to cope with the barrage of questions from family and friends of 'are you upset' 'never mind, you can try again' these thoughtless statements and assumptions came in thick and fast even during my pregnancy.

I do wish people would think before opening their mouths of the damage and hurt they can cause.

With my first pregnancy 19 years ago I asked if they could tell me the sex of the child. There answer was 'No, we can only tell you if there is a genetic reason for doing so'

In my second pregnancy I didn't think to ask, nor was I given the option. At that point my sister had just given birth to her second child and the comments of....'one of each now, she has the perfect family' haunted me.

When my second child was born comments of 'she had 'another' boy' and 'you can always try again' stay with me to this day.

By the time my 3rd child arrived I answered the questions of 'what would you like this time? A girl would be nice to complete your family' with 'actually I was hoping for a pony'

At my scan I was asked if I wanted to know the sex and I declined. The midwife actually said 'I thought you would want to know as you have 2 boys already' My response didn't go down too well, 'If it's another boy can I arrange the termination now' That wasn't how I was feeling I just said it to shut her up.

I was asked if I felt depressed at the thought of another boy and was offered counselling.

Even now as the kids are 18, 15 & 11 I still get asked if it saddens me that I don't have a daughter and apparently I'm missing out on so much stuff. But I have 3 healthy, loving and well adjusted boys (sometimes). That is what I was given and that's that....end of...but I can 'always hope for granddaughters' but 'what do I do if I only have grandsons?...ignore them?

The Volcano and what it means to me

I am fed up of hearing 'news' stories of this bloody volcano and peoples stories of survival, how they are stranded in hotels, on holidays and without medication.

Ok here goes.

If you are reading this and you are one of these people...it's no ones fault.

It's an act of god...so no you can't claim off your insurance....flights are being re-booked free of charge and they will get you home.

If you've run out of medication...you're not in space....a local Doctor or Hospital will sort you out...you have insurance and if you live in the UK and are in Europe you should have your E111 card with you. (If you don't have your E111 or have taken out insurance, then it's your own fault.)

My step son should've flown back to army barracks on Sunday evening and yes the weekend was frought tryiong to get information on the phone/internet...then I thought about it and rang his barracks up so they knew he was trying to get home...was told to tell him to enjoy the extended break and keep in touch with ETA.

At this point I relaxed re-booked his flight for Wednesday, hubby has taken him to Manchester this morning as he has work and they will stay up there till there is a flight available.

However, this morning his Sargent rang as he is now AWOL because he hasn't followed the emergency procedure and rang the Serg himself...although it is noted I rang the barracks, as he is 20 and an adult it is his responsibility not mine....which I did say at the time..but no one listened to me.

Have just been informed that due to the number of service men and women away from barracks the army will be providing transport to return them to their bases....I suggested he could return to a local base and his Sarg said if you've had enough of him then just do that and I'll issue the rollicking next time I see him.

Step sons take on the Election

My step son, is 20 and is in the British Army based in Germany. He is in the REME. He constantly moans about the lack of equipment and how when he requests stuff he has to wait for it.

The polling cards arrived today. Three. One for me, hubby and eldest who turns 18 on the 1st May. Hubby immediately got defensive and asked where his sons card was. I explained I had deregistered him at this address so he could vote whilst in Germany so not to waste his vote.

He said he wasn't effing voting as it was a joke and that was that.

Well here came my mistake. I asked him how he thought changes could be made unless he took part.

His response was 'all I care about is the army and that's that'

I asked him where he thought the money comes from to fund the army and who sends these young kids to their death without the right equipment.

His response was 'I didn't vote for this bunch of tossers'

I 'tried' to explain to him that he had the chance to do something about it.

His response was 'What the f*** would you know about it, get off my case. It's my life and I'll do what I want with it'

Fair comment, however, who does he call when he needs a flight home? Who bloody pays for it?

Who sorted out his stolen car? and the insurance? and the police? and drove for 3 hours to do it?

Who sorts out his bank account? Mobile phone? Helped him get rid of his debts?

Me, that's who.

Support from hubby 'you know what he's like why do you get involved?'

Hmmmm yeah thank you. Some help hubby was he just walked off. So yes another night ruined, same old same old and guess what? It's not my fault the bloody volcano erupted and he can't fly home tonight. I've rebooked his flight for him on Sunday as it was the earliest one available so only another 48 hours. I feel some retail therapy coming on.

Midsomers Murders - move you fools

Watching Midsomers Murders on the TV and following the twitter stream. It seems to be the general opinion of the viewers the best thing to do is to move.

I once lived in a village for 5 years and during that time the following events occurred:

A hot air balloon crashed in the park.

A mans body was found, coroner ruled it as an open verdict.

There was a supermarket blackmail attempt on Gateway supermarket, which involved glass in jars of baby food and ended in a mass armed siege and his suicide. (shot himself) The blackmailer ran the pub.

A land slide, rendering several homes unsafe to live in.

A suspicious 'gas explosion' killing the occupant of the house.

A convicted child abuser moved into the village and was hounded out.

Armed drugs raids (numerous) in more than one house.

Endless, numerous affairs with neighbours resulting in many public show downs.

A murder.

There was an armed siege on my house 6 months after I sold it, the new owner had raided a post office.

This was a small village with a local shop, Doctors surgery, Primary school and chip shop, with a weekly visit from the mobile library.

Politics - My take on it all - It's really not fair

I've been out of work in the past when I've had children or we've moved but have only ever claimed benefits on two occasions and both times was due to an injury at work.

In 1995 I was assaulted by an adult with learning difficulties, due to poor staffing levels suffering injury to my neck and 2006 again due to poor staffing levels, this time I was bitten by a student with autism.

The first time I was out of work for 6 months and in the end the company let me go as I was not fit for work. I went to tribunal was re-instated then handed in my notice and claimed disability benefit. After a further 3 months, I was told I was no longer entitled to benefits and had to return to work. I managed to get on a training scheme and did a NVQ level 3 in child care. I decided, with help from Unison to sue my employers for negligence. By the time my case was heard in 2001, I was awarded £8,000 for loss of earning and £7,000 for the actual injury....good you think...no in summing up I was informed that the payout would have been in tens of thousands of pounds if I'd sat on my arse and done nothing for 5 years, but I had been retrained and started a new career.

In 2006 whilst working with students with autism I was badly bitten on my right arm, the skin was broken and I had a secondary infection. This came 3 months after the air ambulance had to maneuver me down a spiral staircase on a back board after falling over a piece of equipment in the same work place.....I handed my notice in and left...guess what couldn't make a claim for unemployment benefit and as the accident had worsened my neck I made a claim for incapacity benefit....despite receiving regular treatment from Dudley hospital and being on medication...guess what? after 3 months they decided I was fit for work. At this point I had decided further my education and I took out a student loan to do my teacher training.

Two years after completing my teacher trainer I decided that I really didn't enjoy teaching so I applied to work in Child protection. I also started a degree in Psychology and Criminology with The OU which is costing me £800 per unit, there are 6 units in total.

So imagine now my frustration at having to pay for my youngest sons education, additional costs in further education for both my step son and eldest plus £20 week in travel costs as their chosen courses were not available near home.

Well now it is time for the General election and finding it difficult to understand why we put up with Labour for so long.

Labour want a fairer future for all..... http://www.labour.org.uk/manifesto/50-steps-to-a-fairer-future-for-all

I don't have kids under 5, my children have nearly finished their free education, I've already fought the education system twice now to get my children into their 1st choice school, have never qualified for tax credits as we are not low waged, both Peter and I have private pensions, mine taken out when I was 18 and a AVC.

I like the look of the Conservative policies...... http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2010/apr/13/conservative-manifesto-at-a-glance

The only trouble with this is where are they getting the money from so what are the hidden 'things' my family will lose out on?

You'll be pleased to know this blog is now at an end. What about the other parties and their policies? Well, I believe this is another two horse race and it has taken me so long to locate the two links above on the internet and wound me up so much I may blog something which I later regret.

Last Birthday Party

Today my youngest is 11, he's the one on the right. He wanted to go 10 pin bowling and invite his whole year group. I investigated the costs and with food for 20 and 1 game of bowls it came to approximately £200.
I wasn't prepared to pay that much, in the past hashe had a few friends round to play, have lunch then go home or I've hired the church hall made the sarnies and jelly and stressed myself out.

Having all boys they haven't been interested in parties, sleep overs or discos, since they went to high school. We were in San Fransisco for step sons 18th and eldests 18th, on 1st May, will be spent at Birmingham City for the last game of the season and a meal in China Town on the way home.

But this year I realised this was going to be MY last birthday party. Youngest is off to high school in September, wants a mobile phone for Christmas and keeps asking when will he be old enough to not have to come food shopping etc and stay at home.

I planned todays treat after consulting hubby, he wasn't too pleased with the cost, but when I explained it was for me more than youngest he agreed. He's already threatened to leave me if I mention having a baby again...lol

At 9am today, my friend and I took 5 children by train to Birmingham, solved crimes at The CSI Experience, ate in Macdonalds, came home to play football, xbox and cut the cake before going home at 5pm. There were no presents, as when son was asked by his friends parents what he wanted he was given money. We bought him a Mamod steam engine and a digital microscope and his big brother bought him Now 75 and he spent some of his money on Triops and a microphone for his disco set along with some CSI tape and now every room in the house is now sealed off.

There were no party bags to take home, but they all won a CSI t shirt today and had a happy meal toy plus a piece of cake.

The parents were grateful for getting rid of their child for a day and impressed with the stuff they bought back with them. All the parents offered to contribute to the cost, but I politely declined, although I did accept the chocolate, the flowers and the wine I was given...great and it wasn't even my birthday.

I totted the cost up today and surprised myself, plus hubby, when he rang to see how the day went.

With a rail pass, the train cost £18.75, the CSI experience was 2 for 1 (I tweeted we were going and they sent me a link to a voucher) total cost £29.25, Macdonald's came to £16.70 plus I raided the cupboards before we left for choc, crisps and pop. Group photo £7 + CD.

However, I'm tired now so have ordered in a Pizza for tea £15.99, eldest just reminded me to add cost of the cake £6.95 and I will print out 4 photos approximate cost £1 and son can write his thank you notes on the back. So todays party cost me a grand total of £95.64 and we all had a fantastic day.

Both kids and adults had a fun packed day, for half the price of the bowling which would've only lasted 2 hours, some lovely gifts (for me) and plenty of money for Alex.

This may be MY last kids birthday party, till the grandkids come along, and I have had a lovely day, no fights or squabbles and more importantly I had a huge hug from my son and a very big thank you which reduced me to a sniveling wreck, followed by 'Mummy can you let go now you're hurting me and I'm 11 now'..still calls me Mummy.

Does wrapping kids in cotton wool help them or us?

I have 5 kids (3 boys my own and 2 step children) who I have raised collectively since October 1999 aged 17-28.

There have been many 'bullying' incidents where my kids have been either the instigators or the receivers. Which I have been involved with sorting out. Traipsing to schools and knocking on parents doors of which I'll tell you about another time. I thought for now I'd concentrate on the incidents that have involved trips to the hospital and/or GP.

The fractured skull - didn't take the portable high chair to mums - result one child aged 2, one breakfast stool, one concrete floor, several trips to hospital.

The stickle brick incident - 2am dash to hospital as middle son then aged 2, swallowed a piece, a barium meal showed a void in his stomach and there it remains to this day. After 19 years it has caused no problems so surgery has not been an issue. Doctors words of advice...he'll know when he passes it..maybe or never.

The iron incident - phone rings - I leave lounge for 2 mins - result one child, youngest also aged 2, many trips to hospital and Doctors for daily then weekly changes of dressings for 2 months for ironed skin on left hand.

The cement mixer - one child, aged 10, fell off cement mixer, slicing skin on upper right arm - trip to hospital, then antibiotics and months of dressing changes because he picked it and got an infection.

The Broken Nose - one child, middle son aged 12, got into a fight over a pop bottle, phone call from ambulance crew - 5 hours in casualty on a Friday night and two follow up operations with the plastic surgeon.

The Black eye - one child, eldest aged 17, got into a fight over a girl - phone call from Police. One night in hosptial several further visits to drain off excess fluid. Offending child prosecuted.

Heelies and a golf cart. Child then aged 11, tripped over nothing and broke his arm, brought home by friend's father. I could tell straight away his wrist was broken and he'd need surgery. Then the following year he was hanging onto the back of a golf cart, driven by a child the same age, he let go and smacked his face on the ground, resulting in a black eye and some rather impressive swelling and a night in A&E.

And finally, the Rugby and cricket experiences. One child, aged 14 and 16, three separate incidents. Phone call from the rugby coach 'It's OK, son is fine, St Johns are with him, we're waiting for an ambulance'
The second occasion phone call from school 'It's OK, son is fine, the ambulance crew are with him, they are waiting for the air ambulance'
On both occasions every thing was fine with him apart from a few bruises, headache and stiff neck.
The cricket incident involved a ball bouncing under his helmet, hitting him in the neck, causing his lung to collapse

Lessons learnt.
1. Take everything you need for young kids with you
2. Make sure you are always contactable when away from your kids
3. Make sure you have a tank of fuel, a book, change of clothes ready for an
overnight/late hosptial stay
4. A good friend to look after your other kids.
5. Panic is good.
6. Don't let your kids play Rugby
7. Don't leave 2 year old unsupervised or unattended cement mixers
8. Teach your kids to run away and fast from trouble
9. Expect a visit from social workers and/or police at some time in your life
10. Crying is good, very good, especially when anyone from #9 turns up

Tell me something I don't know, or get off my twitter

Twitter is an interactive website. Tell me something funny and I'll retweet, tell me something of interest and I'll retweet, tell me something that raises my kudos, I'll retweet, but tell me the same old stuff that you are telling everyone else on the news, on the radio, in the newspapers and on bill boards and I'll ignore.
Stop using comedians like Rory Bremmner to promote the way the news channel is going to vote. Stop using work experience kids to design more unnecessary graphics.

If I want the information I will go and look for it. We are continually being warned by everyone, don't buy off the doorstep, check for the 14/21 day cooling off period. How to stop junk mail,(which all goes straight to recycling in my house) how to stop unsolicited telephone calls, (they go unanswered) then lo and behold the political parties go and so all the things they advice us not to do.

And if you dare ask me to join your group on Facebook, what do I get for doing it? I already know which way I'm going to vote. I'm not American so therefore I'm not voting for the individual so save your time and your money promoting yourself.

Stop focusing on Motorway Man or Worcester Woman, tell me what you're going to do for me and nothing else. But I won't be asking you the questions through any form of digital media because you won't reply. I'll come and find you at a Q&A session in my local constituency.

Opportunities missed

I really think that people who use Twitter as a self publicity post are missing out an awful lot.
If you're a celebrity, footballer etc or in a high profile job why not just come on Twitter and be yourself.
I could be a celebrity, for those of you have met me you'll know I'm not, but what would be the point of me being here if all I had was hundreds and thousands of followers, all thinking they know me without any interaction back.
Yes, I Tweet about my job, but if you read my timeline you'll see there are many other things I get up to in my life and I'm sure celebrities are exactly the same.
I have kids that wind we up and get in trouble at school. A husband that works away from home and winds me up when he is here (I love him dearly of course.)
I have worked out many a frustration on Twitter, helped others and been helped in difficult situations. Been sent ((*hugs*)) when I'm feeling low and had some of the best laughs of my life on here. Just ask @iaingilmour, @procphil, @batonabike, @beachhut81, @pennynash for example.
If I was a celebrity and I let you all know, I wouldn't be able to be me for fear of my ups and downs being released to the media.
So come on celebs get on Twitter and just be you. You'll meet some lovely people on here, make friends, tweet up and hopefully make us all laugh and cry in the process.
And if you're really lucky you too will meet a @mediocre_mum to share your most special tweets with.

Do you have news to share?

If the answer is yes and you want me to congratulate you or offer words of support then tell me and I will be there for you.

However, don't expect a response from your news and feel you have the right to accuse me of not being a proper friend, who cares and is too busy with their new mates if you either a) tell me on facebook or b) mass text the world.

If my words of wisdom and congratulations are needed so much then pick up the phone or tell me face to face.

If you're too busy to seek me out then I'm too busy to reply.

When holidays go wrong?

Planning this years holiday has made me think about some of the things have happened to us as a family on our travels.

France 2000

Hubby and I had been together for 6 weeks and we decided to take his son and my 3 boys to Brittany for a week, see how we all got on away from the traumas of divorce.

They were aged 10, 7, 5 and 13 months. We had bought a people carrier the week before but it wasn't ready for collection. I had sold my car so here was the dilemma. 6 people and 5 seats. We amended the ferry booking but they wouldn't let us on the boat with 4 kids in the back seat, we told them the baby wasn't coming and turned up at the port. They let us on it was a bit nerve racking but we had a lovely time.

Brittany 2001

Me, hubby, and 5 kids, this time we took my step daughter. We needed to book a hotel for a stop over on the way back. We stayed in a Formule 1. A double bed with a bunk above. We booked two rooms. You do the math. We checked in. Hubby went in with 2 kids, brought 1 back out, I went in with 2, brought 1 back out. Hubby went in with 1 and I went back in with the last one. Sorted. I think the man on reception knew something was up but not what.

Bordeaux 2002

Me, Hubby and the 4 boys. Now how this was quite my fault I'll never know.

I book the holidays in our house. Ferry plus roof box and bike rack complete with 4 bikes. Arrived at Portsmouth an hour before boarding, checked in and informed there was no booking for the bikes or the roof box. OMG. Informed Hubby who went ballistic, shouted at me so I walked off.

It was then I noticed other families having the same arguments, spoke to a couple who informed me they had been told the same despite the paperwork saying other wise. What to do? Some people who lived near by returned their bikes home to board the ferry, as we were 150 miles from home we didn't have that option. Spoke to the check in staff, devised a plan and put it to Hubby. He was not happy.

By now we had the 7 seater and this was the plan. We fold the seats down put the roof box and 4 bikes inside the car and while Hubby drives the car onto the ferry the kids and I go on as foot passengers. Well I don't know about you but in these situations I get the giggles. Hubby yelled at me again, so I walked off with the kids for a cuppa while he sorted the car. After a nice relaxing crossing, we had 2 cabins, we arrived in France at 6am and again after another fit of giggles, I took the kids for breakfast while he swore at the bikes and the roof box and we completed our journey looking like The Clampitts on tour, minus granny with her shotgun.

America 2003

Just me and hubby. Baggage handlers strikes at Heathrow, people camped out for days. Media everywhere.

We drove down the night before and stayed at an airport hotel. We walked to terminal 4 two hours before we were due to fly. On a flip chart there was our flight number ready for check in. There were thousands of people. GMTV were broadcasting live. We argued. Hubby said it wasn't that simple and we'd be waiting for days to fly out.

I ignored him, walked into the building with case and passport. It was deserted. Hubby was shouting at me again (do you get the theme here?)I strolled up to check in and that was that. I was frazzled from arguing with hubby, the check in staff apologised for our 'long' delay and upgraded us to business class for being so patient with them. We didn't confess we'd only been there 5 mins.

France 2007

Me, hubby and my eldest. We spent a long weekend in Paris via the ferry. Sat in the car waiting to disembark, the lorry next to us revved up his engine and before being told to move off, drove down the side of our car and two others. French Police were not too impressed with either him or us. So with a dented car we drove onto Paris, yep hubby shouted at me, as if that was my fault either.

On the Monday son and I left hubby at the hotel, he was flying back at the end of the week, so Jamie and I headed off to Calais. We had been shopping and had filled the car with booze. I don't speak a lot of French but can get by.

At check in I was asked where the other passenger was, all in French. I explained Peter was flying back on Friday. 'Who is the child in the car' 'It's my son I replied' 'do you have proof?' 'yes, I have his passport' 'but you have different surnames' 'yes, I have remarried' this went round in circles for 10 minutes before they let us through.

We got stopped at customs, again, all spoken in French
'Get out the car, not the child. How many people are in the car?'
1
'many people are travelling?'
2
'How many people are there altogether?'
2
'Open the boot, Take it all out, Bring it in here'
Son wasn't allowed to help me, neither did customs. Every bag was xrayed.
'You may go now'
They walked off leaving me to make several trips from the building to the car with all the beer and wine.

There are numerous other little disasters but the absolute best was:

America 2007
Me, Hubby and the 4 boys. There was a power cut at Manchester airport we were delayed for 12 hrs, with 4 kids how we argued. At this point hubby realised he didn't have his lap top bag and mass panic followed. I calmly rang my friend who dragged her 6 week old baby to our house to retrieve said lap top from the front door step. It was 6am.

We flew to Chicago, had missed our connecting flight but there was one in 10 mins we were escorted at speed to the plane. Captain made an announcement. We had a flat tyre and wouldn't be flying for another hour, back off the plane and more rows. We arrived in Las Vegas at 4am minus two bags, checked into our hotel and slept. By this time we'd been up for nearly 30 hrs.

We drove nearly 4000 miles in 3 weeks visiting the sights and family. Our flight home couldn't be any worse could it? We took off from Vegas had been in the air an hour when an hysterical woman stood up and yelled 'is there a Doctor on board?' silence till we made an unscheduled stop in Denver before flying on to Chicago where they had held the plane for an hour and back home.

Law 11 - Offside

OFFSIDE POSITION

It is not an offence in itself to be in an off side position.

A player is in an offside position if:
he is nearer to his opponents' goal line than both the ball and the second last opponent.

A player is not in an offisde position if:
he is in his own half of the field of play or
he is level with the second last opponent or
he is level with the last two opponents.

OFFENCE

A player in an offside position is only penalised if, at the moment the ball touches or is played by one of his team, he is, in the opinion of the referee, involved in active play by:
interfering with play; or
interfering with an opponent; or
gaining an advantage by being in that position.

NO OFFENCE

There is no offside offence if a player receives the ball directly from:
a goal kick
a throw-in
a corner kick

INFRINGEMENTS AND SANCTIONS

In the event of an offside offence, the referee awards an indirect free kick to the opposing team to be from the place where the infringement occured.

PLEASE NOTE IT IS IN THE OPINION ON THE REFEREE NOT THE MATCH COMMENTATORS.

Things that upset me

Yesterday there were two tweets that upset me.

When I write random tweets or make silly inappropriate comments people will respond to me and not always in the nicest of manners. I know it's difficult to express oneself in 140 characters but there is plenty of room to put a :-) or a lol.

I would prefer it if you sent me a DM airing your concern for me to clarify my comment, unless of course I have made the comment directly to you, then as far as I'm concerned it's fair game.

Yestersday there were two seperate @replies to general comments I made about my life, kids and interests that did not deserve the response I got. I actually went to bed slightly upset about it.

I refuse to get drawn into pettiness and gave the tweeters the benefit of doubt.

However, this morning I went into town and I forgot my shopping list, common practice for me. I stood in the co-op and felt tears welling up in my eyes. It was a silly trigger point, I know, but never the less it made me realise what was missing.

So I went and did something stupid.... I went to my friends house for a coffee and a good old fashioned natter and felt alot better straight away

Just my perspective on life

I am not a writer or am I an authoritarian on life.
When I blog it is in response to conversations I've had in real life or on twitter and I feel the need to expand things a bit more than 140 characters will allow.

I read peoples blogs with interest but don't always want to post a comment unless it relates to me 100%.

I read some very sad things and some very funny things but if I disagree with the authors blog content I do not comment on it. It is their opinion or view on life, not mine.

I do have a view on life but it is my own if it is not interesting to you or relevant then don't knock it.

This blog has come about because of a comment I made on a previous blog of mine where I offered an opinion of other peoples blogs in general. It was my comment on on my views. I received one response on the blog which I was able to discuss with the person involved. Which was good to be able to do.

What I didn't like or appreciate were the 2 DM's I received from people who were obviously upset by my comments which, without naming anyone, they felt I was making a personal attack on them. Well I'm sorry some people are so sensitive and think the whole world revolves around them. I'm not sorry I didn't enter into their silly games just simply blocked them from Twitter.

So if those two people that DM'd me are still reading this.....I'm not a perfect Mummy nor do I claim to be one either and.... by the way....that's your problem not mine.

Growing up with Teenagers

There are loads of blogs out there on being a parent with young children. 'Is smacking wrong?' 'How much TV is too much?' and what drives me mad more than anything else are the 'Aren't I just the perfect mummy' blogs.
I had my eldest child when I was 6 weeks short of my 21st Birthday, maybe I was too young? who knows...it doesn't matter now my baby boy is 18 and in May and I have two other boys aged 15 and nearly 11.
When my children were little none of my friends had kids and could never understand why I was tired, too busy or just preferred to stay in. As my kids got older my friends started having theirs. One or two friends have young teens but most of them have children in primary school and here's the problem. They seem to think that 1. I have the answer to every bloody problem and 2. I understand every issue they face and am willinging to drop everything to offer advice, support and help. 3. My kids are independent now and lucky me I have more free time.PAH!!
Do you know what my kids still pose me problems. Having two step kids I am now on my 3rd lot of GCSE's can I get the 15 year old to study/behave/spend less time on the Xbox/tidy his room? No. Where do I go for advice and help? I don't I just grow/develop/change with my kids and accept that each one will do things differently and pile the stress on anyway they see fit.

How does a step child address their step mum?

Have been reading @mediocre_mum's blog on terms of endearment and adults referring to them selves as Auntie and Uncle.
http://mediocremum.wordpress.com/2010/02/09/term-of-endearment/#comment-134

I have commented on her post and while I was doing so it got me thinking about my relationship with my step son. He is 20 now and left home two years go. But from the age of 10 I have raised him alongside my other 3 boys.
I consider myself to have 4 children and a step daughter. The reason I call her my step daughter is because she is profoundly disabled and at 22 I am not old enough to be her mother. I also find it very difficult when asked about her disability and 'was she born like this' 'or did something happen to her'. I can't comment other than to say 'it was from birth' 'no there was no indication prior to her birth' and 'yes it must have been very difficult for her mother and father' I cannot comment on that as I am not her birth mother.

Moving back to the reason for my writing this blog is my step son.

So what does he call me? Well, he's always used my 1st name and nothing else. He refers to me as mum and has 3 brothers and 1 sister and if anyone ever said 'you're mum is here' etc he has never corrected them. My children also call my husband by his first name. Youngest goes through periods of calling him dad or daddy and again the kids never correct anyone. My children have a very good, close and frequent relationship with their dad but consider themselves to have 2 sets of parents each teaching them valuable skills and alongside all that extra love don't forget the extra gifts at christmas and birthdays.

Step son has grown up with me being his friend and not a parent. Everything I've ever done with him has caused him grief. If I told him off he'd contact his mum and she would remind me I'm not his mother, she is. None of this was helped by me not having a name he could use.

Using my first name was too informal for a child to call me but using 'step mum' sounds too harsh. 'Auntie' doesn't sound permanent enough and 'Mrs' .... well just plain stupid.

He's all grown up now and left home. If he gets in trouble or needs anything its me he comes running to.Since he's left home I don't know what his relationship with his mother is like now but that's his decision.

But what should he have called me? Is there an official word to use to describe someone that has become your mum and has raised you, but their biological mother is still around?

I'd be interested to know.

Airport Scanners

There have been many interesting debates on the use of Airport scanners. I work in Child Protection and have been asked many times for information on this subject in regards to scanning Under 18s.

The media have been less than helpful with the information they have been giving the public and in my opinion have been causing alarm and have not been supportive in their reporting.



I would like to get on an aeroplane and arrive alive at my chosen destination. If that means I have to be scanned then so be it. If it means my children have to be scanned then go ahead I give my full consent, although it is not required.



I contacted the Department of Transport and they replied this morning. I am satisfied with their explanation as to how the scanners are operated and would like to share their response with you.



You can also view their Code of Practice as to how they will operate and I think it is a very well written piece of information.

The use of body scanners for children is compatible with the Protection of Children Act 1978. The use of scanners will be subject to the Codes of Practice developed by the DfT, other government departments and the aviation industry.

Screening staff will be situated at a location away from passengers so they will not be able to associate an image with a particular individual. The equipment deployed in airports does not have the capacity to save an image in any form.

Is this normal family life or am I doing something wrong?

A brief picture of my family.

On any one night they can be 1 person in this house or there could be 7.

My family is combined of a husband with 2 children. Step daughter is profoundly disabled and lives in a care home approx 20 miles away. Stepson is 20 and he is in th British Army stationed in Germany.
I have 3 children all boys. Eldest is 17 and is at catering college, Middle son is 14 and a budding football star and youngest is 10, career and ambitions as yet unidenified.

Husband works away most weeks and stays in a company flat in Manchester, where he gets time alone to relax, unwind, have a drink without having to go out to pick kids up from various locations and watch what he wants on the TV. He works very long hours both home and abroad and really misses being away from home.

I work part time in Child Protection, am studying for a degree in Criminology and Psychology and teach Learning Support Assistants on NVQs. I also help to run my sons local football team and I'm an avid supporter of Birmingham City Football Club.

Life in this house is very stressful most of the time. A typical week for me comprises of Sea Cadets for youngest two on Mondays and Fridays, teaching Tuesday nights, Football training on Wednesdays, locally and on Friday evenings middle son trains in Birmingham. Saturdays youngest is at school and Sundays middle son has football matches all across the West Midlands.

All sounds fairly normal, why is this so stressful for me?

A typical evening for me is middle son from school at 3pm, youngest from school at 5pm, cook tea, help with Prep. Take kids to various activities, make pack lunches, wash up, collect eldest at 8pm, washing and ironing, collect kids, tidy away, bath, TV and bed. If my husband comes home that means there's another tea to cook as he's never home when the kids need feeding.

Alternate weekends Step daughter is home, she requires 24 hour supervision, without it she as a risk to herself and others.

Step son comes home on major holidays for several weeks at a time and having another adult in the home doesn't always work out especially when the Alpha male in him is present for the duration.

Eldest is a referre in youth football and is a season ticket holder with Birmingham City, he is rarely at home and when he is he locks himself in his bedroom with his X box and live subscription. He works 3 evenings a week in the kitchens at Malvern College and requires collecting at 8pm.

Middle son is my main concern at the moment he is extremly stressed out with his GCSE's. Today I had a phone call from school with the head of upper school telling me my son needed his head testing. It was parent evening tonight and he had thrown a wobbly last lesson told the science teacher to piss off and stormed out of school...could I please come into school...right now.
I had a chance to see him before I left and he told me the teacher had told him to 'shut up and sit down you sound like a Pixie' It was all I could do not to laugh out loud. FFS Dan is 6ft tall with size 12 feet, have never seen anything so un-Pixie like in my life.

I spoke to the other teachers who informed me that he works hard in lessons, completes his homework and is a popular nice young man, nothing like the science and maths teachers have described in previous reports. However he can be gobby and disprutive but no more than anone else and does respond to being asked firmly to be quiet and get on with his work.

Then there's the youngest, what can I say about him. He attends a boarding school the other side of the Malvern hills, we use the boarding facilities when he is displaying extreme behaviours and when there are fun things on he wants to do. It is also cheaper to have him boarding for a night instead of getting a babysitter. He is dyslexic and has a gluten intollerance. In every other way he is a normal 10 year old with stroppy behaviour when he can't get his own way. However, when he is in a bad mood and has been fed Gluten his behaviour becomes unmanagable to the absolute extreme. As a family with have the full support of CAFCAS, children services and from our Doctor.

So thats my complicated life. Is it any different from yours? There is one plus point to it all apart from the obvious things like all the pleasure the kids give me and how proud I am of them. And that is on alternate weekens they bugger off to stay with their Dad....and relax...no that's when I clean the house and do my studying for my degree.

Oh and don't forget I can always find the time to tweet. I'd go stark raving mad witout it.

Will it ever end?

#fancydressfriday Twitter

Having fun this week as the winner of #fancydressfriday. Wearing my costume at a variety of locations. Hubby slightly amused over the weekend now thinks I'm completely bonkers, which I probably am. Nagged 17 year old son to crawl round the loft space until he found something I could wear. I rejected his first choice of a Santa hat. His reply 'for god sake Mum, get a life.' Now bribing the kids to take photos.

Spent Friday night celebrating my win with a glass of Rum and coke. Did ask if I could crack open the champagne, that didn't even raise a smile from Hubby. Firmly told 'no' 'grow up'. Then did some sewing as my 14 year old son left for France on Saturday morning with Sea Cadets aboard the TS John Jerwood. By Tuesday he and the crew had made it to Brighton Marina. And finally to bed in costume, hubby lost his patience by now and refused to talk to me till I took the dam thing off, slept like a baby dalek all night in it.

Saturday saw me in #fancydressfriday at Barnard's Green Cricket Club for Malvern Town Wanderers football open day. A huge success we signed 23 mini kickers, gave away goodie bags and footballs. I helped serve up the bacon butties and drinks to parents whilst dressed as a Dalek.

Sunday was the autumn show at the Three Counties Showground, did a bit of gardening in the morning in #fancydressfriday then spent a lovely afternoon with 10 year old son buying useless things that may come in handy one day. Not sure when that day will be but sure we'll find out soon.

Monday in the office all day sorting out case files and chasing up some loose ends. Got spotted by the neighbours hanging up the washing in #fancydressfriday. Tried to explain twitter but they didn't have a clue. I have 2 twitter friends in my town but haven't met either of them yet. Gave up 2 hours of my time to 'help' hubby set up his new computer. For 'help' read 'watch'.

Tuesday spent hanging round the garage, in Cheltenham, for the best part of the day. Popped in to see step daughter for a bounce on the trampoline and cup of tea. Then off to Asda for the weekly shop. Hubby hid #fancydressfriday costume and I finally found it in a case in his office just in time to bake my son his Gluten free cakes for school.

Wednesday a really boring day. Housebound and cleaning windows, bathrooms, dusting and hovering all in #fancydressfriday costume, got a bit hot and there wasn't anyone in so set up the camera on the timer which took more shots of the back of me as I tried to get it right. 17 year old son came home with a friend and is still not speaking to me as I showed him up, his mate, however, is wetting himself laughing and thinks it's great, finally had an audience to talk twitter to as he had at least heard of it but said he doesn't tweet as it's for old people. Cheeky bugger. Hubby away for the night so had uninterrupted fun on Face book.

Thursday in the office for the morning persuaded a colleague to take a photo of me at my desk, although there was a condition I had to let him have a copy of the photo. Agreed as he was the only one in the office that noticed I had had my hair done last week and now have lots of blonde streaks. Don't know if everyone else in the office has noticed it or doesn't like it. Who knows? Who cares? My evening was spent running kids around to various activities.

It is now Friday and my last day of #fancydressfriday. Didn't wear my costume on my epic journey from Worcester to Ramsgate return leaving home at 4am and returning at 2pm. 447 miles and was only there for 10 minutes to collect son and 3 Sea Cadet buddies after they spent the week sailing to France. I won't be putting the costume back in the attic just yet as I wear it every year to hand out the goodies on Halloween. It's sad now that the kids are no longer interested in this activity. 10 year old will go out for half an hour if he can persuade anyone to take him, to rob the neighbours of their sweets but isn't interested in dressing himself or the house up, thankfully the boys still love Christmas, although I think they humour me with the decorating. Will sit down this evening and search for #fancydressfriday and announce the winner live on twitter. I wonder if they will do the same next week or just keep their avatar up. Hope the spirit of #fancydressfriday continues. Last job to do in #fancydressfriday is to wash the costume. Off to bed early tonight as this week’s activities have left me exterminated.
Finally quote from hubby 'thank f*** for that, now will you pay the family some attention this week' huh see above what does he think I've been doing all week?