The best bits of June 2026

In no particular order.

It's been a long month, a cold month and a hot month. It's been packed and full of travel, days out, my birthday and a trip to hospital.

Cat keeping cool but me hot.

At my cousin's wedding in Eastbourne.

The morning of the wedding on the front in Seaford.

My first time volunteering with junior parkrun at Chippenham Playing Fields in Monmouth.

Monmouth Carnival.

Beautiful flowers in the garden.

Our school stayed open in the heatwave, it was hard going, but numbers were low and there were a couple of fans, but absolutely no air conditioning.

Not as hot as car temps in Dubai, I used to finish teaching in Dubai I the summer and the car would record temps of 57c. Seat belt and buckle burning and steering wheel too hot touch.

Annual weekend in Paris with my friend.

Lots of lovely foods.

Coffee shop dates for one mostly this month.

Walks around Malvern.

Trip to the theatre "Abigail's Party'

Birthday cards and gifts, shared with Father's Day for the week.

A visit to the Three Counties.

A visit to Hidcote.

I don't care much for June, I'm glad it's gone along with all its dramas. I don't care much for July either. In fact I don't really care for much at all right now.

June reminds me of loss.

It was when we came back to the UK during covid. It's a trigger point of control and manipulation. It's the countdown of the last happy times spent with Stephanie. 

There is lots to be happy for and celebrate, it's difficult when it all intertwines and for now it is difficult to separate, it wasn't on the 4th of July when I started this post. But today the 6th when I'm finishing it up, it's hard, so I'll leave it up. Maybe tomorrow or even in an hours time, things will feel different, that grief.

Word of the week - Support

Two friends who supported me when Stephanie died experienced traumatic events this weeks and were worried about telling me in case I was triggered by their news. 

My PTSD wasn't triggered, that is under control now, but I was upset by the news, it was too close to home and I realised that for the first time in a long time I had to deal with the upset by myself, my support network to turn to wasn't available for me. 

I realised this week how much I've relied on my friends and how much I've shared with them, phoning, dropping in and how much much they've given to me, not just in time, but also how overwhelming it must have been for them to have done what they did for me.

The one friend is in the same situation again this week, supporting another friend through a traumatic event with the sudden death of her husband whilst they were holidaying together. Her husband having been at home on his own when he died. She had to arrange emergency flights home, and drive her back from the airport and get her friend home to her family. 

I met this friend the very night my father died suddenly, back in 2017. She was a neighbour of my parents. She stood with me at the end of the drive while I phoned my husband who was in our home in Dubai, to tell him what was happening, as the emergency services came out the house to break the news to me that my father had died. She was a total stranger that night. Then in 2024, she supported me through our daughter's death, through the funeral and is still supporting me now.

There have been so many other people that have offered us support and continue to do so. 

I've always been grateful and I've always been thankful and I know my time will come and I have already been the supportive person many times for various reasons and I hope everyone has known how much they've helped me through those dark times.

It can be a message, a virtual hug, a card dropped through the door, a random check in, an invite for coffee or even a 'I'm thinking of you' 

Right now I'm just messaging both my friends, I've dropped flowers and a card to one. I'm grateful that they both shared their news with me, I'm grateful that they were both concerned about me being triggered despite the trauma they are going through themselves. It's time to give back now and I'm grateful that I'm strong enough to so and grateful that I have such good supportive friends.

Word of the Week - Joining in and improving my mental health.

I don't like joining in with things. So I've picked Joining as my word of the week.

I do a lot of things but I'm not a fan of joining in with things. I get apprehensive about joining in with groups of people and activities that are already established.

I've got a lot of friends but not many live locally, not many have the same interests as me and not many are available with family commitments to come with me to join in. A low of my friends who live locally are a lot younger than me and therefore have families at home and a lot more commitments after work, dinners to cook, homework to do and activities to ferry their kids to and from, so it's harder to join in with activities on a regular basis.

I'm also not good at commitment. Yes, I managed to train and run a marathon, but it was a short term goal with very little thought and planning and with running I could just come home from work, get changed and go out the door for a run. I didn't have to think about anyone else. Peter was 100% behind me with it.

I'm not a fan of having to be a certain place at a certain time either. It's something I've been struggling with since Stephanie died, getting out the house somedays is still hard for me. I like routine, knowing what I'm doing, but I like to be in control of me, not dictated to by timeframes. I can just about manage getting to work. But give me a doctor's appointment or a coffee date, a parkrun or even a beloved football match and I can struggle to get out the door. I'm frightened something terrible will go wrong. Once I've left the house, I'm ok, but getting out the door is hard, so often once I've gone out, if I've got an appointment, like the Dr's at 6pm , I stay out after work at 4pm and go for a coffee, so I don't have to come home and start the issue with going out again. I even changed my nail bar to a sit and wait to bypass this.

I joined the local gym in November at £32.95 a month for 12 months so I could run during the winter months, but I didn't get on with the running machine and I just ran in the wind, rain, cold and the dark.

I've been a total of 13 times since joining. I could've donated that money to the charity instead. I've got 6 months left on the membership and discovered last week that there are free classes I could've been going to that would've supported my running and I was entitled to a 1 hour introduction session and a training plan to help me reach my goal.

So why didn't I know about that at the time? Because it's all on the app. I'm computer savvy, I do online banking, I run my own blog and website. I'm on tiktok with views into tens of thousands on a couple of posts. 

I told them when I joined what I wanted from the gym. I did have an introduction and said I'd never been a member of a gym before other than one where I just used the pool and sauna (there's no pool here) Said I hadn't been to an exercise class since Step aerobics in the late 80's and had no idea how to use the gym equipment.

I was shown how three pieces of equipment worked, the running and rowing machine and cross trainer and was told if I wanted to know how anything else worked to just ask.

I did ask a few weeks later when my shoulders and thighs hurt from running and was told to do 3 reps of certain exercises, but not how many per week.

So I just stopped going. I work on the theory of 'how do I know what I need to know, if I don't know, what I don't know?'

So this weekend whilst exploring the app to find out if there was anything else I could do. I booked a Legs, Bums and Tums session for Monday night at 7pm.

I arrived 15 mins early and everyone was there with a mat, bar bells and dumbbells, all chatting and friendly. I said hi and said I was new and a woman said 'grab a mat and find a space' and yep I ended up right at the front, with the mirror, with everyone behind me, looking straight ahead and I wanted to bolt.

The instructor was friendly. I told him I've never been to a class before, ever and he said it was ok, he was covering for someone else and was new here himself. He grabbed everything I needed and said just follow him and everyone else and he'd help me out as we went along.

And true to his word, he did. Everyone worked at their own speed through the routine he'd written up on the board. It was a bit of a competition with a few and it took me one rep to work out what I was doing and get my coordination going before I fell into routine and I really enjoyed it.

On Tuesday morning I could hardly walk.

Tuesday evening I went along to the spin class at 6pm, I fell off the bike. I'm not very coordinated and we had to go from sitting to standing and back to sitting. 

On Wednesday morning going downstairs was a major issue, it really hurt. I had less issues after running the marathon.

On Wednesday evening I went for a pump session at 6pm, this one worked the upper body as well and on the Thursday I felt so much better.

For all 3 sessions, I came home from work first, got changed and went back out for them, 15 mins before the class started.

I can book online. The classes run for 45 mins. The gym is at the retail park. I can take part at my own speed, be part of the group if I want, ignore those who are competing with themselves or others.

I've been enjoying the running, it's been good for my mental health, it's been good for the grief. It's been good for my physically.

Do you like joining in with things?

I joined in, but I ran alone. it's how I prefer to be.

Running Preparation for the Brighton Marathon for Stephanie

I don't know how this works for others but I sort of feel the novelty has worn off, not for me but for everyone else and I'm hoping it'll pick up again as I feel I really am doing this all on my own.

I signed up to run the Brighton Marathon to raise funds and awareness for Bowel research UK and for our daughter Stephanie who died in October 2024 from an Ischemic Bowel which causes the death of around 3000 people a year in the UK.

I've no training plan, no personal trainer, no special diet, no training buddy, no special gear.

Just a desire to raise awareness and to run in Stephanie's memory. 

I'm moving out of running leggings this week into skorts and I'm trialling a camel pack.

I had a free trial with Apple Music that has come to an end, but I found listening to just music boring and I prefer to listen to the radio and have a variety of chat, news and music. I have the free version of strava that I just hit 'record' on and don't check until I get home. 

My wireless ear pods are a little temperamental with my ear piercings and if I tap them more than once when I adjust them they need putting back in the pot to reset. So I'm going back to wired ones and I've been threading them through a hook on my bra strap. 

I also hook my glasses through my bra when I'm running as I need them to set my phone and watch at the start and end.

I've been doing park runs and going to the gym, but most of my training has been endurance training with a mixture of walking and running up and down the Malvern Hills. The furthest I've actually run is 10k which I did this week and it took me 90 mins. 

My 5k times are improving.

I also did a half marathon walk/run around Malvern a couple of weeks ago in 3 and half hours with an elevation of 493ms. 

Next weekend I'm taking part in my 3rd Ultra Challenge in 6 months. I started with a 25k hike in the Chilterns which I completed in 5 hours 30 mins. A 42k walk in London in January completed in 7 hours 44 mins and next weekend I'll be in Bath attempting to run/walk 25k with an elevation of 600ms in under 3 hours.

Word of the Week - Birthday

It's Stephanie's 38th Birthday today.

Stephanie may not be here with us to celebrate it, but it is still her birthday and always will be.

Her last birthday in 2024.

In 2025 we couldn't celebrate, we marked the day by visiting her old school in Bristol where we had many happy memories of her childhood.

One of Stephanie's favourite meals was a McDonald's. The last meal I had with her was a McDonalds in Gloucester.

We all had a McDonald's after her funeral.

And today Peter and I went down the retail park for one, we bought helium balloons, flowers and a birthday cake to celebrate her birthday.

The day passed well and it was a happy one. It was only towards bedtime that that the sadness kicked in when the reality of not being able to visit her this weekend kicked in.

Winter Walk - Marathon Training with Ultra Challenges and Bowel Research UK

I've entered the Brighton Marathon on April 12th 2026. It has a cut off point of 8 hours for a medal. So I wanted to see if that was possible for me to complete in under 8 hours and check that not also did I have the stamina for it but I also had the mental capacity to complete 26 miles.

I'm not in it for a fast time, I'm in it to complete the marathon, that's all and to raise awareness of Bowel Research UK, fundraise any amount where possible and create a legacy and keep Stephanie's memory alive.

Stephanie is one of our 5 adult children in a blended family who died at the age of 36 on the 7th of October 2024, without warning from Bowel ischaemia, which is the cause of death of around 3000 in the UK every year. It is almost impossible to diagnose.

We also have a 4 year old grandson who was born with Hirchsprung's disease and spent most of the first year in and out of hospital and had several major surgeries and had a stoma bag which was successfully reversed.

The Winter Walk was not a stroll around London. It was a 26 mile trek around the City and I completed it in 7 hours and 44 minutes according to Strava, although the Ultra Challenge site gave me a different time. I set Strava off as I set off walking and only stopped it as I crossed the line and collected my medal. I didn't stop it or pause it at the rest stops as I wanted it to reflect my time out on the course.

Peter and I booked a hotel in Wandsworth and drove down on the Friday night. I got everything ready the night before as I had to get up at 6am to catch the train at 6.30am on the Saturday morning.

I missed the train and ended up sitting on the platform in Wandsworth Town in the dark on my own for 20 minutes as I'd gone to platform 3 that only ran to Vauxhall on a Sunday, and watched the train leave platform 4 without me.

Well signposted and lots of people heading the same way as me and only a short walk to The Oval and getting light.

I still had time to grab a coffee and a photo.

A warm up session after registration and a briefing and we were off.

I headed off on my own at a brisk pace and the sightss of London kept me focused.

There were plenty of things to see on route.

And it wasn't long before I met up with two women who I walked with to the first rest stop.

The first rest stop and I just used the toilets, picked up some fruit and a drink and was straight back on the route with one of the women.

Now on the opposite side of the river.

Peter was waiting for me at this point as he'd been tracking me on the app, but it said I'd walked past so he'd headed back to The Oval on the train to wait there, we came past a few minutes later. the app was ahead of itself.

The half way point. I checked in, then sat outside with Peter for a quick lunch. Peter headed back into London for the afternoon.

I headed back out on my own and my pace slowed. It took a while before I picked up with anyone and it was a bit lonely.

There was less to see and the distances between the sites felt a lot longer.

I was tempted to detour when I walked past our hotel.

Around this point I developed a boot malfunction and some grit under the insole in my boot came free and was rubbing me. As soon as I took my boot off to investigate I knew I'd made a big mistake and I started to struggle with my walking.

At the third rest stop, I was able to sort my boots out properly, adjust the insole and my sock and put some plasters on, someone offered to get me a drink and some food. I had 8kms to go and I literally just put one foot in front of the other and got on with it.

It was around this point at 22 miles I think, that I hit the wall, where I felt I couldn't go on any more and started to cry. I almost came to a stop. But I kept thinking about Stephanie and how she was unable to complain and how resilient she was and how determined she was to do something if she really wanted to do it.

There was a time when all 5 children were at home and Peter was away working and Stephanie decided she was having the loaf of bread out the kitchen, she spent all day trying to get at it. I'd wrapped it up, put it in the bread bin and put the bread bin in the far corner of the work surface. I'd moved the kitchen table up against the work surface to stop her getting to it.

She kept coming into the kitchen, trying to get past me. She'd had lunch, had snacks, had plenty to drink, there was no need for her to have the bread. I have no idea how it happened but the next thing I knew was she was sitting there on the sofa, loaf of bread in hand, all squashed by now, corner of plastic bag in her mouth, ripping at it with her teeth getting that bread out the bag, with a sheer look of determination on her face, laughing and me just shaking my head and just laughing back at her, knowing that as well as having to make dinner for 5 kids that evening, getting uniforms and school bags ready, I'd now have to add going to the shops for a loaf of bread for sandwiches as well as doing bath and bedtime.

And that memory is what kept me going, it is what lifted the bad mood and the tiredness and what helped me pick up my feet for the next mile as slow as I was.

And as I walked round the last bend towards the final mile, there sat Peter on a wall, waiting for the past 45 minutes and I cried again as he said 'come on, you've got this'

And do you know what?

I have got this. I'm very PROUD of my achievement.

I've got my medal for walking a marathon.

I've got the ability to run one in April.

And I've got the most wonderful daughter who continues to walk by my side whenever and wherever I go reminding me I can do whatever I want in life if I'm determined enough to do it and I start by just putting one foot in front of the other.

You can make a donation here if you'd like to sponsor me.