Why it's important to have routine

If you're a regular reader of my blog or you follow me on Social Media you'll know I'm a married mum of 5, now with 1 grandchild. I live in Dubai with my husband and our cat and dog. We've lived abroad for almost 9 years. Apart from 1 year teaching, I've pretty much retired and spend my time travelling between the UK and Dubai to visit our families. We have 1 son living in Australia and another in Northern Ireland. My husband travels with his work regularly and as a consequence I spend a lot of the time I'm in Dubai, completely on my own.

It's hard enough filling a 10 hour day when my husband is just local, but at least he is home every evening so we can do things together. There's only so many coffees I can drink, only so much food shopping that needs doing and the same goes with cleaning, washing and ironing for just the 2 of us.

With the 4 hour time difference and all voice over internet such as skype etc banned, I can't even communicate with my family and friends other than the typed word and by the time I go to bed around 9pm, it's only 5pm in the UK and everyone is just getting home from work, having their tea etc.

Back in 2018 I implemented a 9am rule which motivates me to get out of bed each morning and is effective in breaking the boredom. It doesn't combat the loneliness when my husband is away but that's for another post.

Establishing some kind of routine in the morning has stopped me spending endless days in bed, just watching youtube and drifting off to sleep, then rushing around like mad, unwashed towards the end of the day when my husband is due home from work.

I recently had 2 weeks on my own in Dubai, as Peter was away. During that time apart from asking for a latte or paying a cashier, my interaction with other adults has been this:

2 visits to the dog park
Pub quiz
2 visits from relocation companies quoting for a move
Met a friend from the UK for 2 hours who was here on business
Arranged a surprise birthday for a friend, with her maid and was at her house for 2 hours one morning after she returned home from a fortnight away.
A long chat on the phone with a woman organising the pet relocation.

I did other things during that time like swimming, shopping, dog walking, ice skating, photography and lots of coffees out and have very much had a good 2 weeks, but I struggled to fill the time in between other than gardening, house work, letter writing, reading, blogging and of course youtube.

So apart from my 9am rule I've implemented a few other ideas that have been helping me fill the day.

After getting dressed I open all the curtains and windows (when the weather permits) I make sure I have a proper breakfast that I sit and eat at the table and clean up afterwards. I've decided to try new things such as going ice skating once a week and make sure I go over to the pool every day even if I don't swim, just a change of scenery to read my book.

With a relocation ahead of us, I'm picking one room, or store cupboard a week to start sorting through things, such as bedding, toiletries, cleaning materials, clothes and ornaments etc.

Now it's winter and I can get outdoors I can give the dog an extra walk during the day. I also set up the garden each day with chair cushions so I can sit outside to blog or write letters or just enjoy a cup of tea.

I cook myself a proper meal from scratch each evening and clean the kitchen up afterwards. I then walk the dog, bring in the garden furnishings, draw the curtains and run myself a bath, then in my pjs watch TV or you tube or read a book and go to bed around 9pm.

Of course my routine gets interrupted with emergency trips to the UK and spur of the moment plans to travel with Peter rather than be on my own. As I'm doing today by joining him for a week in South Africa. I also fail to keep to a routine when Peter isn't travelling and as a consequence my sleep suffers, which make the day time drag when he is in work.

I'm relocating to the UK in January with the cat and dog to our former home for two reasons. One being I'm bored and lonely in Dubai and the second being we decided to evict our tenants due to concerns from our rental agents so the timing has been perfect. Peter and I will travel between the two countries until he retires in the next 2-3 years and I'll then be looking for work. But until then, my adjustments once I've relocated won't be so huge on a daily basis as I'll have family and friends around me.

Bob takes a bath with #AnimalTales

Week in, week out, it's always the same.

Bob is an intelligent dog, he knows when it's Friday morning, he recognises the fact that Peter and I are both at home, it's daylight and he knows the routine, recognises my beach flip flops and gets excited the moment the Bob bag comes out from behind the door and the car blanket he sits on is collected.

He loves swimming in the lakes and playing fetch with his ball and running off lead, but he hates his bath that follows his walk every week.

Every week without fail, I have to coax him round to the hosepipe, as soon as we get home, he knows he isn't allowed in the house until after his bath and he'll sit by the back door that we leave open and doesn't attempt to go in the house while I gather up the shampoo and his towel.

He thinks if he hides under the washing I won't bath him, but as usual, week in and week out, he is wrong.

Since I've returned to work, full time, Bob gets let out at 5.15am when I get up and is fed, he then returns to his bed while I go to work and when Peter gets ready to go to work, Bob takes himself outside to his kennel as he knows he is going to be shut out of the house during the day. 

Bob is either on the doorstep with the cat at 4.15pm when I get home or pokes his head through the gap in the wall to say hi, when I pull up in the car. 

He knows it's then food time, followed by a walk. At 9pm he takes himself off to bed and waits for his dental chew.

Saturdays confuse him, we get up later, on occasion Bob has had to hammer the bedroom door down to get our attention as he wants to go out for a wee and starts getting agitated around sunset, looking longingly at the kitchen door where his dog lead is hanging up, ready for his nightly walk.

Does your dog recognise your routine? Does he know when it's food, walk or bath time? 

Identifying and dealing with expat depression

We all get down days, in fact I'm having down days right now, have been for the past few weeks, but I'm not depressed. I've identified the signs of what triggers my depression and I'm hoping that taking these basic steps will prevent me sinking back into it.

I first suffered with depression when we moved to South Africa. Eventually after spending days not getting dressed, staying in bed, crying and barely functioning, hubby took me to the doctors, I was given medication and received counselling and I talked about it, loud and clear and often. I learnt to deal with it and identify the triggers.

We've now relocated to Dubai, it was stressful, there were issues, but somehow all this kept me going until I hit the 6 month mark and I could feel myself slipping again, crying, feelings of loneliness and helplessness. But I'm prepared this time, I know how it all 'feels' and I'm better equipped to deal with it.

Moving is a very stressful situation, but you when move to a new country away from everyone and everything you know, you are stripped of your identity, EVERYTHING you know changes.

When we moved to SA, I gave up my career, I thought it would be great to finally have some 'me time' after raising children since 1992, including 2 step children. I became a SAHM over night.

With this move to Dubai, I'm not even a SAHM anymore, I'm just a SAH. I've had to go back to the beginning, networking, exploring, getting out there.

I'm not a shy person, I'm outgoing and sometimes a little over friendly. I can come over as being too pushy, desperate even, but I do get the hint. I can tell if this is just going to be a friendly coffee or a life long friend.

I've not been coping very well at the moment. Hubby has been away more than he's been at home. I'm applying for 3-4 jobs everyday and no one is replying not even to say 'not this time, but thank you' I have only the cat and dog for company, although I have met up with a couple of people for coffee over the past week. I chat daily to my friends back in South Africa, I have plans made for lots of travel that will involve being with lots of people and for the past 3 weeks I've been suffering with a very painful bad back.

I've been quite emotional the past few weeks, I've been lonely and a bit down, but it's too be expected I think with all that is going on and suffering with chronic pain, but I've put together a few coping strategies, that are keeping me going for the time being, which I'd like to share.

I go out every day where there are going to be people, even if it's just over the road to the local coffee shop. I also walk the dog daily and tend to get on the beach in the early evening as much as possible. I've had daily appointments at the physio which has forced me to get dressed every day and wait for the call to say there has been a cancellation, can I come in now?

But what helps me the most is my 'going to bed routine'

I've invested in a selection of shower gels and bubble baths. I'm currently favouring chocolate scented ones. I have a shower or a bath every night, read my book and generally just switch off and relax. i leave my phone in the bedroom and I've been ploughing my way few a good few books (bath only, not shower)

 I cleanse and mositurise every night, my skin is very dry in Dubai with all this sun and heat and the water does me no favours at all. 

 I select my clothes for the following day, every night before I go to bed. I know what the weather is going to be like and I add a pashmina to the mix before going out the door.

Having my clothes ready every morning means I have absolutely no excuse not to get dressed and ready for the day, everyday, regardless of what I may or may not have planned for the day. Once dressed, I apply my make up, hair usually gets scooped up into a pony tail.

Most days hubby gets home from work around 5-6pm, we walk the dog, we eat dinner together and as long as he doesn't have any conference calls we go to the beach for a swim. While he's been away I've kept to proper meal times and made an effort the last week to eat breakfast, lunch I tend to have out and then cook for myself in the evenings.

I'm struggling, but I'm talking about it and trying anything to prevent it coming back.

Men are good at nagging

Last night hubby reminded me of the importance of me getting up in the morning on time, needless to say his message didn’t go down well.

This is my daily morning routine.

Wake up at 6am and complain at hubby for waking me up

Doze for 20 minutes while hubby leaves TV & lights on, makes and eats his breakfast, wakes kids up for school

Drink tea that hubby has made, still complaining about being woken up so early

Get up at 6.50am to make sure kids have everything they need

Wave family off for the day, shower, dress, drink more tea

Feed dog, cat, collect laundry, crockery, hang up wet towels, load dishwasher, prep dinner, clean kitchen surfaces, sweep and mop kitchen floor

This morning by 7am, I’d done all the above, by 8.30am I’d dropped the car at the garage and hubby at work. All of these with constant comments and remarks 'I can't afford to be late'

By 9am I’m sitting in Kempton Park blogging and having breakfast….beat that…..lol