Why are women so mean?

I’m battling boredom and loneliness here in Dubai, I just about established some roots after 4 years in South Africa, made friends and found a purpose and it was gone over night as we relocated to Dubai, just over 2 years ago.

In South Africa we knew very few expats, in fact hardly any. We lived in an Afrikaans area, around Pretoria, with the children attending an English School. I was unable to work, due to visa restrictions and Peter worked in Johannesburg, which had a higher concentration of expats.

Peter’s colleagues were all South African as were our friends, even the few British people we met had been resident in South Africa for upwards of 10-20 years.

I went to every event I saw advertised, charities, golf do’s, accepted church invites, attended coffee mornings and events at the kids school. Unfortunately I would often be the only none Afrikaans speaking person there and I’d smile and nod along not knowing what was being said. But I persisited until I made friends and found a purpose.

I had upsets along the way such as when I met and English family who invited me to their home then forgot I was coming and I never heard from them again. Or arriving at an event to discover the only spare seat had a handbag sat on it and despite me asking if I could sit there, I was ignored. There were also loads of coffee dates that people would fail to turn up to, without messaging to say something had come up, only to discover being friends with the newbie wasn’t going to be beneficial to their husbands business or child’s development.

We got to know one couple whose children were in school in the UK and had been living in South Africa and other African countries for 2 decades, who were affectionately known as the ‘when we’s’ as in ‘When we lived in Keenya…….’ And were keen to make us feel like South Africa was just like living in the UK compared to their experiences. As time went on, I realized that one of their children had attended a school local to where we had lived in the UK, that we knew some of the same people and had been to events at various places, probably at the same time and the friendship turned sour.

Then one day we turned up to their house as arranged, they weren’t in and despite seeing them at the golf course they repeatedly ignored our existence until eventually one day, I walked over to talk to some other women I knew and upon this woman seeing me, she pulled her chair round and blocked me out the conversation.

I’ve had similar experiences also in Dubai and despite making a few friends through having worked here for a year and through walking Bob. Dubai is more transient and quite frankly can be very false. People posting endless pictures on facebook of them at brunch, relaxing at a spa or hiring a cabana on a private beach, the reality is often different and they are living in debt, up to their max on credit cards and generally living outside of their means. I’ve found a lot of women don’t want to discuss day to day life, they don’t have issues, worries, concerns they want to share. It's all about networking, who has been to the best brunches and had the best experiences.

It's sad really, people come for a few years, move back to the UK and spend the rest of their lives as 'when we's'

I know I'm sounding judgemental, but when you attend a coffee morning and all everyone is discussing is their latest designer bag or talking about their brunch experiences, it's hard not to be.

I walk into new environments now on edge, I'm asked my occupation, I don't have one. This can go either one way or another. If I'm meeting a group of people in a bar, it's usually because they're working and have nothing to say. If I'm meeting a group of people in a cafe, usually all women, they ask if I have children and what my husband does for a living. You can quickly see that a) I'm no use for play dates as my kids have left home and b) my husbands job can't benefit their networking aims.

Not all the women I meet are like this, but I often find a lot just aren't being their real selves. They too have been in a similar situation to me, where they've just not fitted in, but unlike me I refuse to play games and if I don't fit I just walk away, not change myself to be something I'm not.

It strikes me as being similar to the school playground. But in the playground, working life and in South Africa I finally found my 'place' and made good friends, I just think it's slightly harder in Dubai as it's so transient. 

Do you find it easy to make friends? 

Without children for play dates and not working it does get harder to meet people. 

How do you make friends?

Coping with your period without sanitary products?

Can you imagine what would happen if you took 5-7 days off work or school every single month?

In South Africa this is a reality for 100’s and 1000’s if not millions of women every single month. In fact we are talking about 4 million girls who can’t afford to buy sanitary products

How long does the average period last? Well that’s how many days young girls miss every month of school, their education, and their freedom.

40% of girls drop out of school by the age of 14 due to absenteeism when they have their periods.

73% of girls aged 11 have no idea what a menstrual cycle is and aged 11- 14 and 86% of girls have no idea they are fertile when their periods start and during their period.

If you can’t afford to provide food, clothing and struggle to put a roof over your family’s head, how do you find money every month to buy sanitary products for yourself or your daughter?

Dignity Dreams, run by Sandra Millar, is an organisation tackling the problems of affordable sanitary products. Not only does a Diginity Dream pack reduce the risks of infections from young girls using dirty rags and newspapers, it cuts down on the number of school days missed, therefore  allowing girls to continue their education, rather than dropping out due to so many days being missed and tackling issues of poverty further on in life. The production of the Dignity Dream packs enables small businesses in the manufacturing of the packs.

What does a Dignity Dream pack include?

Presented in a colourful drawstring bag:

3 pairs of pants

6 beautiful, feminine pads, folded to look like a handkerchief or small wallet. The pads are waterproof and have wings and fasten securely with a press stud.

A plastic zip lock bag for soiled pads.

An instruction leaflet.

 

An average period lasts for 5 days using approximately 5 pads per day, equating to 25 pads per month at the cost of R40 per month, R480 per year.    

A pack of Dignity Dreams pads cost R140 for a set of 6 pads which will last up to 5 years. Making a saving of R340 in the first year alone. The government have set the basic minimum wage at R2500-R2950 per month. The average, bus and taxi costs are R650 per month. Take off child care costs of R200 a month and add in food and water and education, forget clothing, more than 2 sets is a luxury for most people, but at least they don't have to budget for electricity and water as they just don't have it supplied in the townships.

The reality of this is at the end of the month, there is no money for luxury items such as sanitary pads, there may not even be enough money just for food.

So what can you do to help? 

You can visit Dignity Dreams and see some of the fantastic work they do in local communities. They also make the packs themselves giving valuable work to local people who are trained by Raisibe Welhemina Ratlou a seamstress, who also over seas quality control and has been instrumental in gathering information from the townships and informal settlements.

To make payments direct to Dignity Dreams please add the SWIFT code SBZAZAJJ and mark you donation CR so we can let you all know how many packs were donated. You can also make a paypal donation to Angel of Hope by clicking here, marking your donation as DD, as I am fund raising for other projects also.

Men are good at nagging

Last night hubby reminded me of the importance of me getting up in the morning on time, needless to say his message didn’t go down well.

This is my daily morning routine.

Wake up at 6am and complain at hubby for waking me up

Doze for 20 minutes while hubby leaves TV & lights on, makes and eats his breakfast, wakes kids up for school

Drink tea that hubby has made, still complaining about being woken up so early

Get up at 6.50am to make sure kids have everything they need

Wave family off for the day, shower, dress, drink more tea

Feed dog, cat, collect laundry, crockery, hang up wet towels, load dishwasher, prep dinner, clean kitchen surfaces, sweep and mop kitchen floor

This morning by 7am, I’d done all the above, by 8.30am I’d dropped the car at the garage and hubby at work. All of these with constant comments and remarks 'I can't afford to be late'

By 9am I’m sitting in Kempton Park blogging and having breakfast….beat that…..lol

 

 

Why is it only me?

I lay in bed this morning with a cup of tea and The World according to Clarkson (seperate story but a bloody good book, had me in stitches)

We have a washing machine that sings when it finishes, a little similar to 'It's a mad, mad world after all' Think theme parks, kiddie rides, Euro Disney, thats the one. Anyway it plays at least three verses, now I heard it singing to signal the end of the cycle, pestering to be hung up.

But it seems the washing machine sound is similar to a dog whistle. Only dogs can hear the whistle only women can hear the washing machine.

So getting out of bed, I open the bedroom door, walk through the dining area, past the lounge where the men folk are watching the Rugby, through the kitchen, open the door to the utility room where I find the washing machine just finishing its little tune and hang the washing up.

I walk back following the same route for hubby to say 'what you doing?' I reply 'I'm hanging the washing up' he says 'Oh I never heard it finish' I was waiting to do that for you'

Men!!!! Pah!!!!