Takes some getting used to.......

Can’t get my head round this......

My normal journey home takes me on the M5, the most exciting road sign I ever see is for Birmingham.

I keep thinking I’m ... well I don’t know what I’m thinking at the moment the kids seem indifferent to the fact, maybe it’s because they are so well travelled, maybe because they don’t realise exactly what we have done...all I do know is that seeing a sign for Jo’burg on the school run every day is not an image I ever thought I would see on such a routine journey.

Potato or Potarto?

Go into any UK coffee chain and ask for a latte and they will 9 times out of 10 say ‘larte’
Either way you get a shot of espresso and topped up with frothy milk, the only difficulty you may have is if you ask for a regular and they reply ‘do mean a grande or talle?’
Ask for a latte in South Africa, it comes in one size and is just hot frothy milk, if you wish to have a shot of espresso you have to ask for it by it’s proper name which is a ‘cafe latte’ as we all know any way.

10 things we didn’t do in the UK last week

1. Have a Braai
2. Own a ‘cell’ phone
3. Go to bed at 9pm
4. Get up at 5.30am
5. Limit usage of the internet
6. Play with monkeys
7. Watch unlimited football on the TV, free of charge
8. Sit outside drinking wine in the evenings
9. Have lizards on the patio
10. Spend time together as a family

Culture? Colour? or Class?

For anyone reading this blog who currently lives in or has lived in South Africa, it would be helpful to know I am from the UK. Welsh by birth, but if you ask me my nationality I will say I’m British and I live in England.
There is a big culture difference between the two countries, although fashions from the high ponytail with the instant face lift to the day glow orange tan. The school run Mums look the same as back home, except for the fact the 4x4s are a necessity, rather than an accessory. Now, OK and Hello magazines line the shelves with Katie Price, Kate Middleton and the Beckham’s, it seems that English celebs are far more in demand here than Travolta’s latest edition to his family.
Inside a shopping mall, one could be anywhere in the world and it is only when driving that the differences of this beautiful country become apparent.
It started raining here at 4am and at midday it has only just stopped, there is local flooding and Peter had to take an alternative route to take the kids to school due to the road being closed.
Now, no matter what class or colour, people deserve to be treated with Respect, and from I’ve seen so far, the people of South Africa have earnt this. Did you read the blog about the train stop at Irene? Where are these people going? They are walking miles, leaving home very early to clean our houses, tidy gardens and work very long and very hard during the day for little pay.
So how do the 4x4, drivers repay them? They drive as normal, through the puddles and floods and without slowing down or moving over, drench these poor folk from head to toe. Peter slowed down, moved over and reduced the spray from his vehicle to nothing. A woman turned round, smiled and thanked him for doing so. The next car driver soaked her through to the skin.
Yesterday the kids and I stopped off for milk shakes, we asked for the bill, as we did so a white man aged 60ish sat down and sharply clapped his hands at the black waiter and demanded ‘a cold drink with ice, make it coke’ The waiter didn’t bat an eye lid and went off to fetch this white mans drink, came back with our bill and apologised for the delay. Alex looked at the customer and said ‘how rude’. We paid and left.
This I believe has nothing to do with cultural differences, I believe it is sheer bloody ignorance. These examples are not from an endless list , but the only 2 cases where I have seen a major divide with class and colour.

Living in South Africa

As a criminology and psychology student, I couldn’t be in a better country than South Africa for the final year of my degree. Being here has made me think a lot about previous assignments, in particular ‘Does security breed insecurity?’
Gated communities here in South Africa are the only way to live, we’d be mad not to. The risk of crime is very high, but you can minimise the effect and consequence of crime if you are cautious. It’s a natural human instinct to protect oneself, family and property. If someone were to order you out of your car at gun point, would you go willingly? Most of us would say yes, we’d let them have our car, but like falling, there’s a natural instinct to put ones hands out in front as you do, inevitably breaking one or both arms. Small children don’t have this instinct and suffer fewer breaks than adults.
There are many different types of gated communities, in the UK it is more about status than the actual fear of crime and not too dissimilar to the US. However, living in a safe secure environment often leads to the fear of crime and can have either a positive or negative impact on the environment. Is the gated community there because there are high crime levels? In which case, if you can’t afford to live there, one moves further away to avoid the crime, or does a gated community nearby mean there are higher levels of security therefore making the area a safer place to live?
Here in South Africa a gated community is a means of survival. There are many different types.
Tenement blocks are not the most attractive of buildings, a complex of approximately 20 brick houses with 4 apartments in each, a communal pool and gardens. An electronic gate, manned 24hrs a day, but often on the outskirts of the town, and cheaper to rent or buy, therefore considered less desirable areas to live. These places are similar to holiday camps, little privacy and noisy and are preferred places for lower income families to live.
Cluster houses are the next step, again there is the 24hr security, but these houses are packed in with little outdoor space, they offer larger living accommodation but again are in the slightly poorer areas of town and often near major intersections which can prove noisy and offer little privacy. These are also small estates.
There are two types of housing left to consider. The larger gated communities, with the bigger houses with pools and large gardens, often surround a golf course and are of course far more expensive to live in. These houses are purpose built and vary in style and design, like the UK this type of living is a status symbol, the houses vary from English style, through Italian to thatched roof cottages and on the whole a little tacky. They offer the greatest security and are surrounded by high fences with barbed wire and electric fences.
The final style and our preferred living are the houses where the neighbours have come together and have decided to fence off the roads with only 1 access point with a security barrier which is manned, but not electronically operated like the other estates, The gates are locked at night and each house has it’s own wall and fence with barbed wire and security. These are more attractive houses and offer greater privacy.
The house hunting starts later this week. I am open to view any property as long as it fits our living requirements and is within a half hour drive of the kid’s school.

Day 6

Day 6 25th January
The views above are typical of Gauteng, which the area Jo’burg is in. Mango trees and fantastic landscapes and townships. I won’t be driving at night on my own and as long as you are alert and remain alert it is perfectly safe to drive here. I’m driving a rental car at the moment and won’t be buying anything flash, so not to attract attention. All bags are put in the boot and valuables kept out of sight, we’ve been told that if we are car jacked to raise our hands, place them on the seat belt strap at the shoulder, then slide hands down gently to the buckle and release, step out of the car and don’t make eye contact, they’re not interested in you, just your vehicle and it makes no difference if you’re alone or with someone else. Keep your mobile phone in your pocket with house keys and don’t forget to make an insurance claim.
This morning Peter and I returned to the bank....Peter has to give permission for me to have a bank account and as I’m here on a visitors passport it seems pointless as I won’t have any money to put in it. I’ve been using Peter’s card for the HSBC, you have to chip and pin for all transactions and sign as well. They stopped joint bank accounts last year to prevent fraud. A single woman can open her own account...talk about a suppressive country.
We drove to the office in Eden vale about 10kms from Jo’burg after dropping Peter off for the day I drove home. Road works and exit changes which hadn’t been updated on the sat nav made for an interesting journey home, thankfully I had paid attention and apart from the township I drove past I felt safe.
After collecting the boys from school we drove to Irene Farm, it’s a 112yr old/365 days a yr dairy. I had left my cards at home and was only carrying a small amount of cash, we weren’t able to buy drinks as they didn’t take cash to minimise robbery attempts, which is worth remembering. We drove onto the Mall for milkshakes and some bread.
SA is safer than I thought; I made an assumption that apart from the school runs I would be ‘stuck’ in the house all day and would need to go out with Peter couldn’t be further from the truth. If I want to pop out to the shops for a coffee or a pint of milk then I can. Living away from the tourist area is fantastic and we are also a bit of a novelty, apart from Dan and Alex there is only one other English child in the school and he was 2 when his family left the UK and has a SA accent.

Day 5

Day 5 24th January
OMG, there may only be a 2 hour time difference, but the day starts much earlier in SA. We left the house for the school run at 6.30am. I say ‘we’ Peter went to work. At the moment he is collected and dropped off, as we can’t buy a car till we have bank accounts.
The train arrives in Irene at 7am every morning; it was fascinating watching the locals being literally poured off, down the embankment and onto the road. There is no health and safety laws here that I can see and if they want to dig the road up, it’s your responsibility to avoid the hole. People travel 25+ in a 16 seater mini buses, they hang off the sides of the train and we counted 15 people, men, women and children squashed into an open truck base. It’s the sheer number of people that stop them from falling out. This isn’t just on the side roads but driving down the N1 at 100kms. It’s a frightening sight.
By 8am, not only was I home but I’d done the ironing and put the washing on. The house keeper arrived at 9am, so I sat in the garden till 10.30am reading a book, then made dinner and decided I was going to Pick and Pay to do a big food shop. The one near us at the Mall is closed for refurbishment so I drove a little way out of town to the one I saw this morning on the school run. The car park wasn’t secured, but there were people around to keep an eye on your car, when I returned to the car, the man loaded the shopping and returned the trolley in exchange for 5 Rand (50p). While I was shopping I got a text message from Dan saying ‘in hospital in Jo’burg’ it’s work experience week and he was working on a children’s cancer ward. No one spoke any English and Dan and his friend were the only white people there. It was an interesting experience for Dan, he said he wasn’t scared, but him and his friend were a novelty, lots of pointing and giggling.
I left for the school run at 1pm, the boys were waiting in the car park and we came straight home as everyone was hot and tired and we all went to bed and had a sleep. I was woken at 3.50pm and asked to go to the bank as the company had signed the paperwork, to discover the systems switch off at 4pm. What amazed was the computer did not have UK as a drop down option for nationality, nor was there, Britain, Great Britain, England, Scotland, Wales or NI. The man in the bank had not opened an account for anyone from the UK before and remarked, ‘not many of you come here, it’s usually the other way round’
Kids were in bed and asleep by 8pm and I wasn’t far behind them. There is no air conditioning and I spent most of the night on the sofa with the door open.

Day 4

Day 4 23rd January
Armed with a rough idea of where we were going, no map, just a tour guide, we piled in the car with a picnic and headed West of Pretoria to find the Cheetah reserve. We got slightly lost and ended up in a town called Brits. This is how I thought the whole of South Africa would look like. Old fashioned, under developed, surrounded with town ships and then one large mall in the middle. As it was Sunday, everyone was at church, which in the area we were in was mainly Methodist. We found the Cheetah reserve, we needed to book in advance and as we weren’t able to go on the tour we wandered around the picnic area. The Cheetah in the picture, rolled over, purred and offered his tummy for a tickle. There was only that thin piece of wire fencing between me and him and if I had wanted to I could have given him a stroke.....However, I’m NOT stupid. The cost of this tour was £45 each so we decided we’d leave these sorts of things for when the visitors come.
We then drove down the road, following the brown signs to Bush babies Monkey Sanctuary. This was only £20 each and we had an hour’s guided tour through the ‘open’ enclosures. The monkeys were everywhere, in your trouser pockets, looking for things in your hair and giving it a good old tug, in people’s handbags and one monkey made several, failed, attempts to rip my earring from me.
We drove home via Hartbeespoort Dam, which is a hive of tourist activity, markets, and restaurants and down to Monte Casino for a birthday tea. A nice place, very Americanised, a sort of mini Vegas, built mainly for the people of Jo’burg to gamble on the weekends.
The only concern we had all day was when we were driving and saw a sign that warned of carjacking for the next 20kms, it was a windy country road with lots of shrubbery, trees etc where people could lurk. The speed limit of 80kms was ignored by all.
We spent the evening waiting till 9pm (7pm UK time) to make the Skype call home. Mum, Dad, Sister, BIL and Niece all sat round the computer. It was lovely to speak with everyone and actually see them. Far too much to talk about and questions to be answered. Internet here in SA is limited; they can’t believe that in the UK we pay a monthly fee with no limitations. Here we are restricted to 1G which limits Skype time, we’ve been advised not to use Google earth as it uses a lot of band width and I’ve un installed my beloved tweet deck for Twitter.

Day 3

Day Three 22nd January
A day of nothing.
After a very lie and deserved lie in, Peter and Dan headed off to Centurion Park to see if they could purchase tickets for SA v India for Dan’s birthday, unfortunately they had sold out. We all met up in the mall, had lunch and mooched around trying for inspiration for a gift for Dan. Bought Dan some new school shoes as the ones he bought with him didn’t fit. Did some food shopping and came home to watch Birmingham City get thrashed by Man U and sat in the garden till late having a Braai.

Day 2

Day 2 21st Jan
Up and at ‘em. The children were up, breakfasted, washed and dressed and ready to go by 7am. I then tidied up, had a shower, ate my breakfast outside and drunk tea. Peter was gone for 90mins and I was starting to get a bit worried. Traffic here even on the side roads at rush hour is similar to a Friday evening at the M5/M6 or the Mall at Cribbs causeway on a bank holiday.
Kids already referring to ‘here’ as home, then correcting themselves, then adding well it will be home when we’ve got our own home.
Still not sorted the internet out, but now have local cell phones, this seems to be the only Americanised word we’ve come across to date. I was able to contact the agent for HSBC in the SA and armed with passwords, PINS and account details we are off to the Correspondence branch to organise it, without a local bank account we cannot get broadband connection, rent a home, and buy a car, even if we paid cash up front.
HR is coming to pick us up in an hour and is taking us on another whistle stop tour, this is the first time Peter and I have had anytime to ourselves just to sit, drink coffee and relax. We are very grateful to all the assistance we’ve received from the company, to date. I’m looking forward to next week with both kids in school and Peter at work. I plan to spend it in the local mall. We’re not tight but there’s a hell of a difference with food costs and toiletries, cleaning materials etc so I really need to spend some time familiarising myself with it all.
Just got one little task to sort out today and that’s Medical Cover and locating a dentist. I chipped my front tooth this morning trying to hang up a shirt, I put the coat hanger in my mouth…..idiot.
We’re shopping today for Picnic food for tonight at the school. It’s their family Braai night (Barbeque), stuff for pack lunches and equipment for Dan for next week as he’s on work experience in the community working with disabled children; they call them handicapped and retarded here which will take a little bit of getting used to. I shall use the words Learning Difficulties as will Dan when he’s there. Dan will also be on camp next week and away from ‘home’ for a night.
Well if you’re reading this now, it means WE HAVE INTERNET…no mean feat without proof of residency. I.e. utility bill or bank account. But hold your horses, don’t get carried away. We are on pay as you go, spent £70 on a dongle as mine wouldn’t work over here…again thanks (NOT) to Vodafone for not being worldwide, however I bought a Vodacom sim and a Vodafone dongle……either you’re connected or you’re not.
Med aid forms completed today and in operation with immediate effect, bank account sorted. The kids had a grand day at school, Dan even came home and did his homework, *faints* The journey there and back in the afternoon was just as time consuming so that will be the deciding factor on where we choose to live. Alex said there was so much rain that the pool flooded and the swimming gala was put on hold. I drove both ways, refused to go on my own for the first time, but have no problem with the journey next week when Peter is at work. I shall be stopping off, when I collect the kids at 2pm via the Mall, the farm shop and the dairy on a daily basis.

Day one

Day 1 20th Jan
It is ‘silly o’clock’ here in South Africa. 6am local time, 4am in the UK, you’d think I had jet lag but there’s only a 2 hour time difference, the sun is shining (streaming in through bedroom window) and there’s a variety of birds with their varying noises, dogs howling that have woken me up. Is there anywhere in the world that doesn’t have bloody seagulls? The washing machine has been on and the clothes are hanging up in the garden. I’ve had several cups of tea and have sorted out all the new paperwork, rearranged drawers and kitchen cupboards, am fully dressed and raring to go. I shall sit here quietly for the next 2 hours, reading and await HR for what will be a very long day. The children aren’t too impressed as they are off to school today to purchase uniform, register for classes and meet their new class mates. Dan isn’t impressed with the uniform – short trousers, knee length socks and its all beige. School here starts at 7.30am and is finished by 2pm every day. Peter will take the boys in the mornings and I will collect. Depending on where we finally settle, if its close enough the boys can cycle to school. At the moment we are about a 10 minute walk from the mall and it is perfectly safe for us to walk to it.
Our apartment is in a secure, gated tenement block, basically it is blocks of flats all brick built, it’s peaceful, tastefully laid out and we have heard rumours there is a swimming pool here. It’s a bit like a holiday complex and is perfect for us, while we get our bearings, but not an environment I would like to stay in permanently.
This morning we left the kids in their pyjamas while we went car shopping to the Toyota dealer to buy a gas guzzler of a 4x4 Fortuner 4 litre and a V6 engine and additional fuel tank.
We were welcomed at the school, a quick whistle stop tour, purchased school uniform, went shopping for stationary supplies and ta dah!!! Alex had his hair cut. Spent nearly £400 as we couldn’t bring everything with us on the flight, slightly annoyed that most of the stuff we purchased today will be coming over on the boat in 8-12 weeks. The school uniform is so different from what the boys are used to and Dan bless him at 16 in 2 days time has to wear short trousers to school. The kids look like they are off on safari, the only complaint we had, was from Dan who drew the line at wearing Speedos and opted for the board shorts. He’s also refusing to pull his socks up, so we’re not hassling him about it, he’ll soon fall into line at school. He’s also insisting on wearing his shorts hanging off his hips. Kids here wear their trousers on their actual waist and therefore don’t need belt loops and their shorts don’t keep falling down.
We took a drive around 2 different types of housing estates, one is cluster housing and surrounds a private golf course in a security estate, houses are big and grand with small gardens and spa sized pools. The other estate which we all preferred has a perimeter fence which is manned, but far nicer houses and bigger gardens with pools you can actually swim in.
Back to the mall, the driving is confusing me, we are on the opposite side of the world, 12 hours away by plane and they drive on the left, even so I keep trying to get in the wrong side of the car and panic slightly at junctions….I keep assuming they should be on the opposite side of the road. We purchased pay as you go cell phones as we need 3 months of SA bank statements and proof of residency to enter into a contract and I bought a SIM card for the dongle, which doesn’t work.
The evening was spent drinking wine on the patio, while Dan and I sorted out our phones and sent texts to one another to check they worked, Alex and Pete watched a DVD. Kids were very tired and went to bed early so we watched the end of Desperate Housewives and an episode of CSI Vegas whilst eating marmite on toast…nomm nomm.

Arrival

Passport control was a breeze, collected 3 trolleys, free of charge, 5 cases came off together and the other 4 weren’t far behind, straight through customs and greeted by HR. It was bloody hot out there and by now we were all a little smelly. A car had been hired us, with a boot big enough for hand luggage only, Peter was given instructions on where to meet us and he drove off with the boys, HR and I took the cases to her car, one slight mishap with the lifts with her going up and down floors several times while I waited for the next lift. Loaded the car drove to Peter then whisked off to Centurion via Wimpey’s for a food stop and several drinks before driving past the boys new school to our apartment, 3 beds, (1 en suite) bathroom and open plan kitchen, dining room and lounge and outdoor space, nicely decorated. A house keeper comes Monday and Thursday am to clean, change the bedding and towels. We were left alone and the tears came again…WTF are we doing? But we’re here now.
Decided to head to Centurion Mall to purchase some food and have a mooch round, we enquired about internet and mobile phones to discover we need 3 months bank statements, not to worry HR is sorting out the finance for us tomorrow. The woman at the internet store asked for our address so she could check coverage, I replied ‘No 60’, she said ‘No. 60 where?’ I don’t know…I know how to get there….lol.
So many things the same and so many are different, there’s Woolworths, more M&S quality, Body care, Fossil, Birthday’s the card shop and their own version of Primark called Mr Price. Culturally we text, a lift isn’t called an elevator and the sense of humour is good, customer service so far is far higher than the UK. Food in the super market is much higher than back home with a box of cereal costing £4 and toiletries are almost double, but then fuel is only 70p (ish) a litre. Why isn’t the word ‘ish’ in the English language dictionary yet?
We came back to the apartment, I drove, HR came round as Peter was preparing a salad and set up her laptop with the internet so the boys could face book and I sneaked in a quick tweet or two.
We drank wine, I sat in the garden and smoked looking at the moon, trying to work out which way is North so I could give you all a little wave. Kids settled into bed well, they have school tomorrow and we’re off to sort banks, phones and a car for me.
I’m now lying in bed, having unpacked and for the first time in over a month we’re not living out of suitcases. But this place is only temporary and next week I’m off house hunting so we’ll have to pack up again and move on.

Departure

Departure
I’ve blogged before about body scanners at airports and I don’t have a problem with them at all, and we were all quite disappointed on this occasion not to pass through them, Alex and I set the alarm off, and we were’ wanded’ and patted down....I had to give permission for Alex, he had a £1 coin in his pocket, I had metal studs on my boots, Dan sailed through and Peter, who sets the scanners off every bloody flight, passed through without incident only to be told we search people randomly and today we choose you.
We had a piece of hand luggage each and 4 laptops, an Xbox, a stereo, a hand help computer, various articles of clothing and even a cuddly toy on the conveyor belt..it took bloody ages to repack.

The flight with Air France was fantastic, we had wine and snacks, arrived at Charles de Gaulle and found a pod I could go and have a smoke in...before I lit up I inhaled at least 1 cigarette from the last visitor in there.
We flew on the airbus, on the lower deck and the flight was almost empty, we spread ourselves out and managed to lie down across the seats and get a decent kip, this was after the glass of champagne and dinner washed down with yet more wine and a movie.
Dan and I kept looking at one another and taking it in turns to cry, with relief that we were finally going, the family we will miss, then bursting into giggles at the thought of what we were doing...moving to the other side of the world to a country we’d never even visited.

Bloody Check in

Checked in online...follow the instructions on the screen to print your boarding cards, pay for extra luggage and select your seats.....easy?...no....I managed to print the boarding passes for Manchester to Paris.....trip to the airport...I explained my problem and was told to come back at check in.....No, I would like to know now how much our 5 extra bags are as I don’t want to be in for a surprise later.....
Well Christine from Air France was not the most helpful person even when I explained it’s a one way trip with husband and 2 kids and I could really do without the hassle later on......so home I went, repacked and checked the weight of our 9 suitcases, went to the post office, handed in a lost wallet at the police station, tidied the flat and hung around till 4pm.....
Taxi (small transit arrived) straight forward trip to the airport, three trolleys, no rows, off to Costa for coffee, no queue at check in....extra bags....£45 each, bit of a palaver as the girls tried to work out who to assign the additional cases too....1 extra case per person, no probs...but the 5th extra case £175....I hit the roof, well actually, I thanked the girls for their assistance and we took our 5 cases to the Air France desk to pay for them before they could go in the hold and hit the roof there.
I calmly explained to the woman that I had come to the airport this morning to sort this all out as I’d had the option of Peter’s company sending a case out for us, but the office was now shut. It was suggested I repacked in the airport, but as I explained still calmly ‘what would I do with the excess luggage?’ as 9 cases will not pack into 8 and 4 cases had already been sent off down the conveyor belt. The woman at the desk looked at me blankly, offered no suggestions other than keep repeating the company policy to me...so I cried and spoke fairly loudly to explain (again) this is the exact reason I came to the airport this morning to avoid this stress...we are on a one way trip and I don’t need the hassle...she picked up the phone, muttered something and put me onto the supervisor at KLM.
I repeated the whole saga, for the millionth time, she explained she wasn’t able to override the computer system, agreed that Christine on the desk this morning should’ve have been able to answer my questions and give me the information I requested and said the matter would be dealt with, she then provided me with the address to make a complaint, took £292 off us, which included a 20% discount that we would have received if the online service had been working....I snarled at the woman on the counter and off we went.

Saying good bye

Can’t stand this hanging around, it’s driving me mad. The four of us moved out of a 6 bed house last week and came to Manchester to a 2 bed flat, the kids are sharing a bed, they are 15 & 11, we have 1 TV and 2 bathrooms, we are all getting on one another’s nerves, there’s no bloody internet, mobile phone reception is poor and I have to keep going outside to smoke, down two flights of stairs, spend more time out than in.
Bloody removal firm said they would be very busy after Christmas so needed to empty house so they could ship our stuff out in the New Year...then informed us...they can’t ship it out till they get our visas....FFS.
After spending the week driving round the UK, some very painful farewells for the kids, dropping off additional forms then finally collecting the visas...we were driving back to Manchester Friday evening when the phone rang from SA, ‘we’ve hired a car for you, you do have International driving licences, don’t you?’
Please stop making us jump through hoops...can’t wait to get out there now and start the next chapter.

Adventures of an English/Welsh family in South Africa

Mid September Peter was approached by his company to transfer to South Africa to work, it was a topic we had discussed for a long time, the opportunity to live and work abroad. Our family motto should be...’yeah go on then, why not?’ We think nothing of getting in the car and driving for several hours just to ‘pop somewhere’ and return in the same day. Most of our family and friends need a lot more planning time than us and would probably stay overnight if they travelled to London or Manchester to a football match. So to us a move to South Africa was just another ‘day out’. Nobody took any convincing of moving out, with the internet for face book and mine and Dan’s beloved twitter and of course Skype it wouldn’t be a problem.
We arrived in South Africa on the 19th January 2011.

We're Off-after our tour of the UK

Sunday moved into company flat in Manchester.
Tuesday night stayed in Elstree, London at Premier Inn, ready to submit paperwork to High Commission.
Wednesday night stayed at Travel Lodge, Reading, spent time with son before leaving.
Thursday night stayed in Bath,with MIL, via Malvern to check on house and collect post.
Friday-Monday back in Manchester, via another trip to the High Commission to collect the visas.
Tuesday South Africa.

An update on the update of the update

For those of you that read 'An update of the update on the move to South Africa' last week, this is what we're doing now.

Left the house yesterday and now staying in company flat in Manchester, it's a two bed and the kids are not only sharing a room, which is alien to them, they are also sharing a bed.

Some major tears last night and the boys, Dan aged 15 and Alex aged 11, sat and cuddled on the sofa for most of the evening as they had said goodbye to their dad and blamed me as he drove away.

Normal service soon resumed and kids were arguing, then Alex disappeared and refused to come from under the bed. A bit of furniture moving followed and I managed to find a BT hot spot, internet connected, text to dad to tell him to go on skype and for the next hour Alex giggled away, then went to bed happily.

Hubby is in Dublin today with work and the boys and I are off to the Trafford Centre today. We are anxiously waiting the email which says Alex has passed his exam and we can formally offer you a school place in the year above, they are full in his school year, as/when that happens we drive to London on Wednesday present our final documentation and they then tell us when the visas are ready. Maybe in a few hours, maybe the following day, maybe next week. Then it's book the flights and off we go.

If we don't get the school place we have some back up plans, get a place at another school that has space for him, no exam required, go to London and follow as above.

Will keep you all posted.

An update on the update to South Africa

We took all our documentation to the High Commission in December, we used an agency as we were getting nowhere on our own.
We had chest x-rays and police checks to check we were clear of TB and didn't have a criminal record. Bit of an effing cheek if you ask me, considering where we are going. We did a last minute dash the night before, armed with a bottle of Whiskey to our friends who is a Doctor to sign a form we forgot to say we were of sound mind and body, made applications and paid deposits to the new school and were told to come back today on the 7th January to collect the visas.

All our furniture was removed from the house on Christmas eve, we've been living with decorators ready to rent the house out, had gas and electricity safety checks carried out and the window cleaners, house and carpet cleaners are booked to come in next week, and my oven looks better than new.

We had a tenant lined up for January the 14th, 6 months deposit paid up front and by the way can we move in our 5 cats and 1 dog, oh and can we can't pay the 6 months up front now....agents checked with previous landlord and although they cleared credit checks, they had been given notice to quit their previous place. So we said no thanks. But then she came back with 'can I put the tenancy agreement in my Mother and Sisters name?' looks like they were subletting. It was Husband and wife plus 2 kids, plus mother and sister and boyfriend with 5 cats and 1 dog...lucky escape...so now back looking for new tenants.

Oh and don't forget the saga of the car. Only £1,000 to take it. Came back to us on Tuesday to say actually it's £1,500 then let us know yesterday that we need export and import certificates, vehicle has to have certificate of steam cleaning, 3 independent valuations, original receipt for purchase...Fuck it...got too much to do so on Sunday I will take the car to my parents and they can sell the dam thing for me.

Despite paying the deposits and 2 years school fees up front, the school, which was closed from 4th January till yesterday came back to say we have a place for Dan but not Alex, so can he sit an exam to see if he'll cope moving up a year, doubtful, he's dyslexic and it affects reading, writing and comprehension. Kids aren't in school at the moment so contacted his old school which doesn't go back till Monday and they arranged for him to sit the exam today and emailed it back to South Africa, which will be marked on Monday.

So, when do we get our visas?

We go to the High Commission on Wednesday with the paperwork, assuming he passes the exam (had a quick sneak at the paper, it was testing his literacy and numeracy, we ignored the Afrikaans bit, I'm fairly sure he'll pass) And we wait....maybe 4 hrs, maybe the following day, maybe a week or more, but at least we'll know for defiant when the visa is ready for collection.

In the meantime, I have one more trip to the tip, neighbour has taken the rest of the stuff for charity, valet the car, pick Steph up for one last visit and meet Hubby in Bath to see MIL, as friends are taking the dining room table and chairs back to her. Sunday off to my parents with the car then we drive in convoy (ex husband is bringing the kids and their luggage) to the company flat in Manchester, hubby is off to Dublin for 2 days with work and we have a hotel booked in Reading where my son works so we can have one last visit with him after we've been to the High Commission, then back to Manchester maybe for a week, maybe just one night.

I promise as soon as we get those bloody visas, I shall be telling the world in one simple tweet.

South Africa

Email recieved from the agency this morning in response to our question...'What else do we need to do to get our Visas.'

We have sent emails and attempted to get hold of the High Commission telephonically and the phones simply go to voice mail. I cannot assure you that the permits will be ready on Friday as the application will not be processed without the outstanding documentation.



We are continuing our effects to get hold of the High Commission.


So there you go....we know no more now than we did 5 minutes ago

Why do I blog?

I tend to blog when I post a tweet and get several replies and it's easier to blog than it is to reply to everyone. I also tend blog when things are getting me down and I need to get stuff off my chest.

What do I like about a blog?

I don't read alot of blogs these days, to be honest they infuriate me. Been there, done that. 'My child isn't sleeping' 'I co-sleep do you?' 'at what age should I allow my child to watch TV?' then there's all the 'my child is so...funny/clever/talented' yuk yuk yuk. This is just my opinion and whether you agree with the statements above or not I'm not really interested...you see, wait till your kids get older and become teens, but until that happens you'll read my posts and say 'I won't let that happen' or 'I will raise my kids better than that so they don't behave that way'

So what do I want?

I want to read honest posts, no holding back, can't abide those tweets that read 'need inspiration for a blog post'

So if you feel like me or think you have something I might like to read then do let me know.

Follow Friday #FF

As many of you know, we are emigrating to South Africa sometime in the next 2-3 weeks. I am hazy with the dates as we are at the mercy of the South African High Commission. We have had 13 weeks since we were asked to move with Hubbies job and in that time we have had the house redecorated, rented it out, sold loads of stuff and the rest is now in transit. The 2 boys are staying with their father and grand mother and hubby and I are dividing our time with our other 3 children, all adults now and family and friends.

I've not been the best tweeter recently and have been asking for lots of help and am aware I've made few replies. Internet use is now restricted to coffee shops and libriaries and neighbours we can bribe for their wep key.

This week I would like to say a big thank you and mention these lovely people on my #FF list

@Adrian_J_S @peterbrowning @CymraesCoch @onerubberband @iaingilmour @chris_swan @stephiemalverns @iflibble @EG75 @LJB41 @scrummycupcake @littlebead @deafdotty @LexxClarke @ethel_godrich @PembDave @LynnCherylEde @design_blah @valbarella @grealis @jobywanuk @littlebead @CaptainTom3 @Amarranth @FrauHopkins @Feroxtrout @thetechrevo @juliebrooke85 @7breaths_ @focusonsally @pennynash @stellian

Some of you I don't even follow but you replied with helpful links and advice for which I am very very grateful.

Life sucks sometimes

This is me and my step daughter Stephanie,she's 22, she's not coming with us to South Africa.

How can we leave her behind?

We'll let you know once we're out there

Update-South Africa

The house is rented as from January 14th, they are paying 6 months rent in advance, the mortgage company have agreed, the buildings and gas insurance is sorted.

Off shore bank accounts have been opened and money deposited, old bank accounts will be closed in new year.

Visas ready for collection January 7th from London.

Furniture is packed and is being removed tomorrow.

New front doors are stuck in Yorkshire, but firm coming tomorrow to remove front door and rehang for removal firm.

What's left to do? Sell the car (tweet me if interested)several trips to charity shops and the tip before we depart, letters to write to inform companies of change of address and have to book oven, house and carpet cleaners.

Christmas is being spent in a hotel in Reading where my son works and has got us a fantastic deal, new year with neighbours and friends, a couple of football matches and that is it.

And to think we were only asked to if we would be interested in moving out there the middle of September.

Duty of care?

Sign in most supermarket car parks

'we take no responsibility for any damage to your car'

OK fair enough, it's not their fault if someone reverses into me....but it is their responsibility if the trolley man, damages my car.

You with me so far?

Is it the supermarkets responsibility, if my car is broken into?...No...but if they are aware of a string of break ins, surely they have a duty of care to notify me of this?

In most cases they do, they're not taking responsibilty for a break in, but they are warning me to take due care.

So airlines? What is your duty of care?

Hubby put spare laptop and camcorder in baggage to fly home from South Africa with Qatar airlines, business class. At Heathrow, bag drops onto conveyor belt, it is open and said items are missing. Assumption made...bag xrayed in J'burg, bag marked, lock broken as bag is on route to plane and contents stolen. Who's fault is it? ... Hubbies of course, the small print says to keep valuables in hand luggage and not pack in suitcase. We all know that.

But, when making complaint at Qatar desk in UK, who have taken responsibilty for ensuring his luggage is put on the plane and reaches the same destination as him, at the same time (if bag is delayed airline will re-emberse costs incurred) he is informed by the man at the desk. Sir, this problem is common flying from South Africa...did you read the small print? There in lies the duty of care, which I believe they failed in...What is the point of telling him after he arrives back in the UK, minus the contents.

And, what made it worse was the bloke next to him was making a claim for damage to his suitcase that was caused during handling en route to the plane and they were falling over backwards to assist him with a claim.

One week later

As you probably all know by now, cos I'm sooo excited and telling everyone, we are emigrating to South Africa. We are due to fly out on January 3rd. This time last week I left hubby at Heatrow airport to fly out to meet the team and organise schools, house etc. All with full support from HR, he flew business class and stayed in a good hotel. He was collected and returned every day and all appointments were set up for him. The children are now enrolled in a lovely school, we have a short list of houses and all the paperwork is in place for the visas. I drove to heathrow this morning to collect him and we are now home, having had a Chinese for Tea and the boys are away till Sunday night.
And relax.......

But here's what happened behind the scenes. I'm not asking hubby for recognition for all mentioned below and he has told me many a time that he couldn't do it without me. But if I hear one more time...'relax..it'll all get done' one more time, I'll scream.

Saturday and Sunday decorators in to do two bedrooms, but where does the furniture go and the paint get stored? my bedroom and the landing, that's where. Where are the kids? here for me to look after, there's a football match Sunday afternoon and ironing and homework and a food shop to do.

Monday to Friday I'm working..full time in a busy and stressful job at the best of times. But I have to stop work several times to do the following.

Answer calls from South Africa, send emails to South Africa, contact current schools, email information, decipher faxes sent via email (actually sent it to @mediocre_mum who then read it out to me over skype)send faxes to South Africa, via the lovely Helen in the office as shes the only one that knows of hubbies transfer, whose fax machine is broken and then only 8 of 11 sheets arrive (twice) order carpet for bedroom after flood last week, rearrange work to be in when carpet is laid. Stop for football training (emergency call to coach to take and return son) empty lounge of all furniture, dining room and conservatory now doubling as storage and out of bounds. Put furniture back in bedrooms re hang curtains (with help from ex husband) Dental appointment. Up to this point I had spent most of the week in tears then I drove car into school wall after dropping son off and sat and just laughed at the stupidity of it all.
The lovely Emily came to clean today (the rooms she could actually get into) while I drove to Heathrow arriving as planned as plane landed, to wait over an hour in arrivals as hubbies suitcase was broken into on route and my laptop and camcorder was stolen. I have copies of photos stored on it, but really not happy with 8yrs worth of family pics now in the hands of someone else.

So that's it.....I'm tired, hubby is tired...did I mention he flew business class though. Child free weekend..and relax...er no...decorators in at 9am and we have all the immigration forms to sign and decide where we are going to live...oh and several trips to the tip adn the kitchen to empty as the decorators will be ready to start work on it on monday.

OMFG

Spending most nights awake now with my brain spinning and lists forming about the move to South Africa. All I want is a date then I can set the wheels in motion. In the meantime, I'm just trying to keep on top of the mess. We have decorators in, there was a leaky radiator to sort so add buy new carpet to my ever ending list. I want the go ahead from Hubbies company so I can confirm the packers and movers and get them in early to start boxing stuff up as we decorate, sort and pack stuff we're taking with us. I need time to sell the rest of the junk.
Anyone want to buy a car, 3 bikes, trampoline, garden equipment...the lists goes on and on and on.

Fame? What's it all about?

Taking 15yo son to school this week I asked him what people are saying about Cher Lloyd in Malvern.

He asked me 'What do you mean?'

I said 'Well are people excited about it?'

His response 'Nah not really, everyone was going on about it when she first went on the show, but not anymore.'

Cher lives in the next street to us. There are two secondary schools for Malvern. Dyson Perrins and The Chase. Cher and her brother have been at both schools. I've had kids at both schools also.

It's a small town...I've only been here 8 years but it's like most places everyone knows everyone and as everyone knows Cher, noone is phased by it.

I did ask my son how he thought people would react if Matt or Katie were to move to the area. He said everyone would be ecstatic.....so why aren't the locals doing the same with Cher? After all, all Celebs are local to somewhere and everyone there knows them.

Why your teenager needs a cuddle.

We all need loving and we all love in return. We display our love in many ways and depending on who we are giving love to depends on how we show it.

My 11 year old stills comes in our room in the mornings and snuggles up on the bed....we're not stupid he comes in to get the sky remote, but still gets his cuddles.

The 18 year old has left home and has a girlfriend so obviously gets his cuddles, just not off his mum.

The 15 year old is too young for a proper girlfriend and is too old for cuddles with his mum, although I do get a quick hug when he goes to school its not the same as a proper cuddle.

Maybe this is why we have so many issues with him in regards to his behaviour. He just doesn't feel the love.

What do you think?

Teenagers- The best way to tackle behaviour

I offered advice tonight in reply to a tweet about managing their teenagers defient behaviour. I realised I wasn't just talking from experience but talking from the point as a Mother thats not only been there and done that but as a Mother that has openingly asked for help and received great advice from friends and family and from twitter and I'd like to share some of the things that have worked for me, and worked well.

dont send a child away to grandparents.......she'll think shes getting away with it...

teenagers dont view things the same way we do...if i change my mind they dont see it as a victory or that youve backed down

pick your arguments carefully and when you say no...see it through to the end......we've just had to replace a door that the 15 yo

punched and kick in a row over the xbox, hes been docked £3 a week pocket money taking the money all in one go would have made

it worse...we talked about it 2 days later and he understood why i had banned the xbox and why he was paying for the door


dont tackle them when they are angry wait till things have calmed down take her out somewhere and discuss it she wont see it as a


a reward for negative behaviour as teenagers forget things and move on much quicker than adults..there endenth the lesson

always tackle a child about behaviour at least 24hrs later once they move on...thats my motto everything inbetween is damage limitation


we move on really quick and as you know from my blog and tweets it gets really bad here sometimes

#tweetyour16yearoldself

Yesterday I joined in with the hastag (#) game #tweetyour16yearoldself I made one posting then thought of a million more.

I stopped after two (see below)

#tweetyour16yearoldself white stilettos with skinny jeans will NEVER be in fashion




#tweetyour16yearoldself dont sleep with him he's not going to talk to you tomorrow let alone be your boyfriend

when I realised that I wouldn't give myself any other advice than the route I took.

It has made me what I am today. But I live in fear that one day someone may tell.....lol

Gadgets and kids

It's my own fault, 90% of the rows in this house revolve around the kids and their gadgets.
I violate my childrens human rights when I ban the use of xbox, internet or mobile phones.
WTF is going on?

Welcome to the real world

In reality, most women go to work, either for finacial reasons, for the love of their job or in most cases to meet adults and get out of the house once the children develop greater independence.

This is not meant to challenge and I acknowledge every family situation is different. I am also speaking from the point of view of the Mother as the Primary Care giver.
Sadly these days, we meet someone, we have children with them and often end up a single parent or divorced as the children get older.

You're not the first person to become a Mummy, you're not the first person to have dreams and aspire for great things for your child, you're not the first person to want more from life.

But, I'm afraid to say you can't have it all. Once a parent always a parent but you are still you and you will make mistakes.

And if I hear one more bloody time today the attitude.... I'd do anything for my kids....of course you would, we all would. Stop trying to be perfect, stop judging other peoples children by your standards, cos once your children get exposed to the real world, the world outside of your control, they will change, influences greater than yours will take over.

So sit back, enjoy this time as it's all going to change and you may not like the choices they make and I hope to god the next generation of 'Mummies' don't frown upon you in the same way.

Would you get the message?

Despite several emails and phone calls asking Vodafone to come to an arrangement with me to end my contract a year early due to us emigrating, only found out in September, they keep sending me the standard reply.

Today I lost my patience with them and this is a copy of the email I sent them. Do you think they'll get the message this time?

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I know what I can do and how to do it, as I am a grown up. The whole point of the email is that I believe Vodafone have no understanding of why people may NEED to cancel their contracts after 10 years continious custom. I am assuming that should I die you would also impose the same conditions on the account. Please don't bother to reply with the same information unless it differs from what is in the email below, what is written on my initial contract, what is available on line and what your call centre told me. I was hoping you could come to an arrangement with me taking into consideration the length of time I have remained a loyal customer and the fact that I am not moving to another service provider, nor do I want my PUK code or any other code from you.
Suzanne

FYI I have not had any issues with either SKY, Car & Home Insurance, BT Broadband, phone & Vision with which I am also in a contract with.

Have you emigrated?

There is too much to do and no time to do it in. Despite handing my notice in with both my jobs and leaving work mid December, it will all be too late then. We are probably going to South Africa in late December/early January, but it is NOW that I need the time off.

Do you realise that to arrange for 1 estate agent to come round takes a phone call, then rearrange work commitments, be in the house at least 2hrs before they arrive to tidy. The appointment takes approx 1-2 hrs to show them round and go through the T&C's. The removal quote alone took 90 minutes this morning. And guess what?, none of them are able to come on the same day, so more diary juggling.

When D day does arrive the removeral firm will do all the packaging, the estate agents will either continue to market the house or find us some tennants and for 10% each month of the rent will manage it all and collect payments.

I need the time off work now, to sort and clear some of the crap out. It's a 6 bed house, only 2 kids left at home and several car boot sales already done, there's still an awful lot of stuff left to do.

Does anyone want to buy a car? 3 bikes? Garden furniture? Lawn mowers? White goods?

And would anyone like to help me with my students and assessing their NVQ's in Supporting Teaching and Learning in Schools? Would really like to get them all finished by the 10th December or at least have their folders up to date so a colleague can just step straight in.

And as for schools and rent and work that can all wait till be get t there, when ever that may be.

Teenagers

15yo son gave me his school report, he's had it since the end of term and 'forgot' I anticipated the worse or he would have given it to me earlier. No, I was wrong, had to double check I'd been given the right one.

The school claim he is at fault for his behaviour and he needs to address his issues and just issue sanctions in regards to his negative and disruptive behaviour.

This only occurs in Maths and Science and the school, despite numerous meetings, failt o acknowledge his reasonable average behaviour in his other lessons.

My suggestion was that after 4 years of the same teachers in these subjects that maybe a change of face may help....N, the school know best and can't swop teachers around to suit each child.

Behaviour, effort and homework last 4 years 3's and 4' (needs to improve and unacceptable)

Half a term with new teachers in MAths and Science and he has 1's for excellent in both subjects and the 3's he had in other areas have now improved to a 2, satisfactory.

Not going to bother pointing this out to the school as they will only claim they did it on purpose.

I'm not too old for hallowe'en

Mini Cup cakes for Hallowe’en

House decorated

Pumpkin carved

Are your kids too old for Halloween?

Mine are. But it doesn't stop me. I still carve a Pumpkin

Only in America

If you get a spare 5 minutes and need cheering up, a dam good laugh check out... www.SkyMall.com that is out there for the weird and wacky.
It entertained me for takeoff and the half hour we spent sat on the tarmac at Manchester.
Here are some of the best.
• The battery operated briefcase turntable – for the impromptu office party?
• The video recording sunglasses – discretely record all that you see...why? Who? When?
• The million germ eliminating travel toothbrush sanitizer – you what?
• The fold-away PupSTEP  FFS to help you dog climb up onto your lap or the sofa
• The indoor dog restroom with built in sprinkler – for high rise living or if you’re out all day...may I suggest you RE-HOME THE DOG
There are so many other things in there just as ridiculous but at 1am in the morning having been sat on a plane since 11am with another 2 hrs ahead only one cigarette and plenty of wine some of these items for sale are looking quite good and I am soooo having the Marshmallow shooter- yours for only $24.95.

Tweeting from the plane...

Ever flown with delta? You should excellent service, cabin crew, food; the plane was spotless as we got on, well managed and loads of leg room in economy. The flight from the UK to JFK was fantastic, originally we were asked if we’d take $1000 each to fly to New York via Heathrow, but we had to decline as it meant we would have missed our connecting flight to Las Vegas. So instead we got an upgrade and an exit seat, the wall was so far away I couldn’t touch it with my feet unless I slid down my seat and stretched my toes. Two meals provided, vegetarian or meat option, no pre booking, no additional cost, a large glass of red wine (white and beer were also on offer) dessert, soft drink and either tea or coffee. Second meal was a snack, slice of hot pizza, tub of ice cream, soft drink and tea or coffee. Plus during the flights complimentary nuts and water handed out. The head phones were free and the all films and programmes were on demand and again FREE...did I mention FREE? The only thing they charged for which I didn’t take advantage of on the way out was internet connection via the Wi-Fi with gogoinflight and they only charged $12.95. I shall be tweeting on the flight home that’s for sure.
I do hope you will all join me I’ll let you know when I start the 1st part of my journey home. It’ll keep me entertained and means hubby can read his book in peace...I can bug you lot instead and let him finish his book.

Body Scanners? What the hell you fussing about?

Lots of discussion and debate about the body scanners and how children should be exempt from it as it is an invasion of privacy for adults and considered by some as obtaining pornographic images of children, even though no image is stored, people are getting over confused with safeguarding their children and saving their lives.
In the past 2 months I have flown from Manchester airport, with 3 kids and just with my husband. I have not heard any one complain about the use of the body scanner...you see you follow these very basic steps to avoid having to be scanned.
• Remove belt
• Remove all cheap costume jewellery
• Remove loose change from your pocket
• Remove sunglasses from head
• Put all liquids in a small plastic bag in advance of arrival at the airport (no more than 1 litre in total but no more than 100mls per pot
• Check you don’t have nail scissors or tweezers in your hand luggage, put them in your case you won’t need them on the flight
• Place all items in the trays provided
Hubby has been through the body scanner twice now, 15yo son has been through it, and I’ve followed the instructions above and avoided it every time.
Now the point of this post is Hubby wasn’t even aware he’d been through the body scanner and the 15yo commented that it made him feel grown up.
Son kept belt on and hubby had loose change in his pocket on both occasions which sets of the metal detector as you go through the turn style, you enter a glass box, the door slides shut behind you, then you either exit left....which will happen as long as you follow the steps above or the door slides open right if you’ve triggered the alarm. As hubby exited right this morning I sailed through on the left, collected all the scanned/x-rayed items and stood and waited while he went through the scanner......and do you know it’s only as he’s been reading this over my shoulder that it dawned on him...oh that’s the scanner is it?..I wondered what it was.

Day one of a new life

Right, that's it. We're not moving..I am not going to South Africa...the rest of them can do what they like but I am staying put.

So, the family know all weekend the Estate Agent is coming today and at 7am this morning I am still hiding the ironing, shoving things in cupboards, putting all the k'nex away so we can get in the conservatory.

It started at 7am this morning when 15yo son and I were building a bed for his room. He has a fold out sofa bed and I know buyers can't see past that and can be very narrow minded, we broke it, it is now propped up on books covered with a double duvet.

I've tidied the computer room, cleaned the kitchen and spent last 20 minutes shoving crap out the garden into the sheds.

Ok, so that's normal isn't it....but hubby decided to pop in after taking kids to school for toast and coffee, he needed to grind some beans and couldn't quite understand my upset at my lovely clean kitchen, that wasn't clean any more.

He followed me around giving instructions, don't sign anything, make sure you tell them this, that, the other. Hang on a minute, I sold two houses to get us here in the first place, yes he signed the paperwork but when he works away who does he think does all the ground work.

I love hubby dearly and of course I am moving with him. I expected all of this and I just gritted my teeth and sighed..thankfully he left 5 minutes before the lovely Keri from Connells arrived, who did what she set out to do which is to make me her new BFF (she just wants to get the sale)...lol

X Factor...don't click away it's not what you think

I don't know Cher Lloyd, I've seen her around town, she lives about 5 mins walk from my house. Her brother was at school with my 15yo and they play football around.

Before Cher shot to fame on the X Factor I'd heard of her, knew she had been bullied at school and had moved to the other school in town and her brother soon followed.

I'm not from Malvern so I don't 'know' families, but in all the time I've been here I've never heard anything negative about them.

Cher is a chav.....that's what the national papers are saying about her and also some very nasty and negative comments are being made about her on facebook. My 15yo son is her friend on facebook and has been way before the rest of the UK was made aware of her since her appearnace on the X Factor.

I went to her house on Tuesday night to see her brother to ask him if he'd seen my son (see previous blogs) Mum answered the door and Dad popped his head round.....I could have been at anyone's house and I was really. I never mentioned Cher or said how is she getting on, because I hadn't gone there for that reason.

My point in writing this blog is I do wish people would stop making judgements based on the way people dress and look. My 15yo calls his 18yo brother a chav and they laugh about it.

It's not a way of life it's more of a dress code, there are so many groups of people defined but what they wear and the music they listen to.

Personally I don't like the 'uniform' of middle aged, slightly over weight women....to me the boots, legging, long woollen dress, choppy hairstyle is not a look I aspire to have, but it is a uniform, there's the 'yummy mummy' look I don't choose either, floaty skirts, hair scraped up on the head and carrying a Radley handbag, or the 'gym woman'.

We all have a uniform, for me, I personally look like I've just finished riding my horse, I like jeans tucked into flat boots, tshirt with plenty of cleavage and a floaty wrap round cardi....

I no more own a horse than Cher 'the chav' is a gobby mare and is hard.

So please stop judging people on their appearance and just accept that we are all different.

I am not alone.....guest post by @SunnyNici on twitter

My 14 year old son has inspired me to write this post as it’s just been one of those weeks, but first a little background. I have been a lone parent since my son was 2 years old, I used to work part time at an insurance brokers but decided that this was not the career I wanted to be in forever, so I took the decision to go back to college in 2009 to do an Access Course to give me the qualifications I needed to go to university. I passed the course and in September this year I started university studying the Social Work BA Hons Degree, with a view to working in Child Protection when I have graduated. I am only in university two days a week so am home when my son gets home from school and am studying when he is out with his friends at the weekend or whilst he is at school. I believe that I have got the balance right and certainly my son seems happy.

So imagine my surprise when I get a phone call from his school this week to ask me if I had been leaving my son by himself for the past two weeks whilst I was at uni! After assuring the school that I had in fact been at home and informing them that I was at uni as a student social worker, they were happy that I would deal with this statement with my son when he got home from school. Basically what had happened is my son had lost his school tie and instead of buying a new one with the money I had given him, he decided to spend it on food and borrow a tie from the Head of Year. When my son was approached by this teacher asking for the tie back, the *only* excuse he could think of was to say that I had deserted him so he wouldn’t get into trouble. After explaining to him that he cannot lie about things like that, he accepted that he was wrong and apologised not only to me but also the school.

Then on Friday, whilst he was at youth club, I recived a phone call from his girlfriend telling me that my son had been injured and I had to go there immediately. Once I arrived I was met by the youth workers and was told that he was listening to a live band, jumping around in the mosh pit and got pushed and accidently head butted one of this friends. An ambulance had been called and there was talk of him possibly needing stitches as he had cut his head. When the paramedics arrived, they checked him over and due to his paleness and feeling nauseous, recommended that he should go to A&E. So off he goes in the ambulance with me following behind. After 3 hours we were finally seen and luckily no stitches were needed, they simply glued him back up and was advised to take regular doses of paracetamol for the pain and the headaches. My son joked with the doctor that I had locked him a freezer and that was how he got the injuries!

I love my son dearly but wish he would rane in his imagination at times…. A student social worker with a son who says I left him alone for two weeks and then jokes that I locked him in the freezer when at A&E! At this rate I will be struck off before I even get started lol.

Kids!

Preparation for South Africa

Well, I've written out my notice letter for The Football Association and Worcester College of Technology and will hand it in 1st thing tomorrow.

Wow, I found that very emotional. I love my job working for The FA in Worcestershire at County level in Child Welfare. I have met so many interesting people from a variety of walks of life, had some great successes and also worked some very difficult cases.

When I came into post 2 years ago this was a new venture for The FA and I had to find my feet and learn to work with others who had been doing different parts of my job for years. It was very hard to walk into an established office and 'take over' keeping people out of the loop, issue warnings to individuals for inappropriate behaviour, persuading people to re sit safeguarding courses and supporting 100's of volunteer welfare officers with CRB checks and suitability for roles with working with children. I've worked closely with the police, probation and social services and built some very good contacts with excellent two way communication and referrals.

I've been fortunate enough to attend meetings and trainings at various venues including Soho Square and Wembley. We don't talk about the day I spent training in the Vetting and Barring scheme that the government have since put on hold, at Villa Park (I'm a Birmingham City Fan)

I've spent three years at WCT teaching Skills for Work, Retail and more recently assessing NVQ level 2 & 3 for Teaching Assistants. I also used to support students with learning difficulties with work experience, including 10 weeks at a funeral directors and that was eye opening. I now have no fears of what happens to me after death, we had a laugh and that was the only way to get through it, but everything was done with such dignity and care.

Back to South Africa

We're another step closer to going. Hubby has been asked to go over beginning of November for a week to check out places to live and meet the team.

He told me it's time to get the house on the market, no rush, maybe in a day or two? oh and can you get some quotes for decorating as he'll be too busy to do it, but don't hand your notice in at work yet, you can work up till the end of November ready for a move around christmas.

Mmmmmmm.........

Sometimes Twitter just isn't enough

Don't stop reading...stay with me....your children may be little now, but they will grow up and you will need help...please read on...and don't ever say it won't happen to you.

Yesterday morning I blogged about the lack of support for parents with teenagers. There is so much info outhe there for younger children, advice and support groups, but nothing for when they get older.

I had to go to one sons school yesterday and while I was waiitng a rummaged through their information rack.

Preschool places, holiday clubs, family activities, child care and baby & toddler classes.

The only information available for older children was support for parents returning to work now their child is older.

Yesterday I had cause to remove my 15yo sons xbox from his room after his refusal to do anything, even communicate and then it all kicked off big time. I have several brusies on my body, my bedroom was trashed and we need a new door for the spare bedroom and then he ran away.

I drove round a few of his mates houses, word was put around and one kind dad put him in his car and brought him home, having told him on the short journey that his behaviour was unacceptable.

The TV and game console are now in the spare room and he has to ask to use it, his mobile phone was returned this morning as I need a bargaining tool for future use and he has been allowed an hour on the lap top in the kitchen with me tonight.

I received lots of support from twitter and links were posted with some fantastic suggestions, however not one person or web site could tell me what to do when he says 'No' to every suggestion made.

So today I went to see my friend, it was a 100 mile round trip but worth every mile. Our children grew up together and were inseperable until 8 years ago, they are both 15 now, when we moved away and her son went off the rails. Haven't listened to her stories today about pupil referal units, alcohol, cannabis, violence towards teachers and both her and her husband being interviewed by the police and social services in regards to false allegations made by their son, I asked her 'waht help are you getting now?' her response was 'None'


So with help from @mediocre_mum who has taken control of my blog and face book to set up feeds and links etc etc (can't say what else she did as I don't understand it) I will be putting together a blog, a forum, a support page for parents with teenagers, where they can share advice, information and generally let off stem so they realise they are not alone.

With my psychology background I will endeavor to understand the mind of a teenager more and share my findings with those of you that are interested.

Kids and Technology

'Every one has one in their room, It's not fair'

My step son had a game boy...he stopped doing homework, socialising, lost the ability to communicate in anything other than grunts and became very aggressive if we asked him to come off.

We removed it from him.

He then took to spending all his time in his room, problems as above so we removed the TV from his room.

As a result, lesson learnt, Child number 2 didn't have TV or game console in his room till he was 16. He responded well, no rows, had loads of mates, a social life and helped around the house when asked.

So we gave next son TV and games console in his room at 15. He behaved like son number one. We tried negoiating the amount of time he spent on it and now that has been removed and won't be going back.

Son number 4 will never have a TV in his room.

I have set up the spare room with the TV and games console and I will keep remotes/controllers hidden. I will now manage the time spent on it.

By the way none of my children have ever been allowed to have internet connection to their consoles and they have never and will never have lap tops or computers in their room...God, imagine the hassle I'd be having with that.