Birthdays no longer celebrated

It would've been my Father's 85th birthday on the 7th of September. He died aged 77.

This is one of my favourite photo's taken of the two of us.

He used to moan about me taking photos and putting them on 'that internet' then he'd ask all day if we had any likes and 'how many?'

I took this photo on the Sunday on our last day out together, he died on the Tuesday. I'm so grateful for the those last 3 days we spent together. I'm so grateful for being in the UK when he died. But I'll be honest, I'm still not grateful, 7 years on, that I was there when he died.

It would've been my Gran's 115th birthday on the 14th of September. She died in 2006, one month after her 92nd birthday. This photo was taken on her 90th birthday. She's pictured here with my Father and my Uncles. They both died aged 66, in 2011 and 2016.

September is a sad month for me remembering my father and my gran. I still go to pick things up for them for their birthdays. The clock I bought my father for his birthday the year he died and I never got to give him has finally stopped working.

The second hand stopped working a month ago. I need to chuck it out, I don't want to be a hoarder like he was.

I still have the card, which sadly came true, along with emptying the sheds, the attic and several rooms.

There are times I pick up tea towels as souvenirs to give my gran, but put them back with a little sadness that she is no longer with us to give them to her, but I still use the tea towels she had daily, the tea towels she had pinned to the kitchen cupboard door that were given as gifts for her.

Whilst I feel sad, I'm also grateful to have these wonderful people in my life for as long as I did. For my children to have had a great grandmother they can remember spending time with and for them to have had a grandfather in their adult lives.

14th -16th May 2021 Post Comment Love - Eid Mubarak

Welcome back to #PoCoLo this week with Stephanie and I. I've finally caught up with all the blog comments, reading and shares.

I've been enjoying the posts linked up each week from fashion, quick and easy crafts and thought provoking posts. It's great to see such a variety of posts every week, which include gardening and child care also. My blogging is usually just about life, my life and this week I'm sharing a post about us becoming grandparents again for the 2nd time. 

It's Eid and here in Dubai it's a public holiday, so our move has been put on hold since Tuesday, we'll resume making cancellations on Sunday, no idea if removal company are coming next week or the week after, but we have to be out by May 25th.

Do spread the word about this link, join in and don't forget to leave a comment or two.

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Advice for the expectant grandparents and social media.

I'm was struggling so hard not to shout from the rooftops 'we have a granddaughter' It wasn't our news to share and I chanced my luck walking up town with a giant pink balloon with 'it's a girl' written all over it.

Our son and DIL didn't want visitors at the hospital other than grandparents and siblings and as soon as you tell one person, there's a risk they'll stick something on facebook to congratulate them or tag you in a grandparent meme. They wanted to make the announcement in their own time and make sure they told all their family and friends first.

We were all provided with a list of people we could tell when the baby was born, but not to say she'd gone into labour, as no one wanted to spend 2 days replying with 'promise to let you know when the baby is born'

When labour started and people were asking 'any sign of the baby yet?' I was bought a bit of time as her due date was the 20th and the baby arrived on the 16th and I could honestly say 'no, not yet' however at the time of writing the baby was 2 days old and I hated lying to friends and I'm pretty sure with the number of visits I've made to Gloucester this week (everyday) people are starting to guess.

I wish now when she told everyone she was pregnant that I'd added 2 weeks to the due date, that would have fended off a lot of questions this week.

I am extremely privileged to have such a wonderful relationship with my son and DIL and over the past week have spent a lot of time with the in laws and we all seem to be getting along very well.

My DIL will say 'no thanks' she will message me and say a time/date isn't convenient and will suggest an alternate one. She asks for advice, she listens if I suggest something and will politely say 'no thanks' or will tell me exactly what she would like from me.

As soon as she was admitted to hospital on Sunday night to have the baby, I was ready. I had nappies, pads, food, drinks etc in the car in case she needed anything. I had a book and snacks for anyone waiting and plenty of change for the drinks machines and car park. I headed over to the hospital to visit Child 1 for the afternoon and on my way home popped into the hospital to say 'good luck' they seemed pleased to see me.

There was a Baby group messaging on FB, which 2 and 2a updated us all throughout the day. Her parents, Peter and I and her brother and sister. I opted to stay away from the hospital during the day, but was nearby with child 1 again returning to the hospital at 5pm and staying until the baby was born.

I was very aware not to step on her mother's toes, there was no need to worry, but I didn't return to the hospital until her parents arrived.

I spent some time in the delivery room in the later stages when the contractions were every 2-3 minutes apart, but had no intention of staying in the delivery suite and her sister and I left to spend the next 3 hours sitting on chairs in the corridor, watching the ward doors waiting for the announcement that came in the form of a message on FB 'SHE is here' They'd opted not to know the sex of the baby in advance.

Once our son emerged from the room, he called his father, his gran and then I made the other calls to his brothers, aunts, cousins who were on the approved contact list.

The baby is now a week old. I had a day off from visiting the hospital as I knew the other Grandmother had that day off work and between us we've been to the house everyday to look after the influx of visitors, siblings, friends, great grandparents. I'm off to Belfast now for a week as another son is getting married, then my husband is returning with me to meet his grandchild for the first time.

I have worried I may be making a nuisance of myself, that I might outstay my welcome and very concerned I'd say something that might not be wanted, as in advice. But I don't have to worry, friends with new babies 6 months and 3 months have been around to offer more up to date and relevant advice about a whole range of things.

I asked permission yesterday to make a facebook post to announce we are now grandparents and used a photo of one of the cards we were sent. I've shared the news with friends online in private messages and with the odd photo in messenger and the babies name. Our son wants to know what business is it of people he doesn't know, but our DIL has met a lot of our friends and appreciates their value in our lives and their genuine interest in our family as we do of theirs.

One Daily Positive - Week 38 We became Grandparents

So this week we became grandparents for the first time to the most gorgeous baby girl. Couldn't be more proud of our DIL than we are now, oh yes best include our son.

So that's child 2 and 2a now parents and until we find a suitable blog name, it's 2b. She was born Monday night around 9pm, I sat outside the ward with 2a's sister who I'd only met twice before. 1st time at the wedding and second time last week at the baby shower. We had a blast watching the maternity room door for 3 hours, waiting for the announcement of a royal baby, instead we got a facebook message. I do hope 2a thinks it's funny that we messaged her throughout her delivery (unanswered of course) complaining about our waiting time and numb bums. I was allowed the briefest of sneaky visits before we all left the hospital, me, her mum and dad and sister, at midnight.

Apart from the fact I walked through town on Tuesday morning with the biggest pink helium balloon, everything was being kept quiet until they made their own public announcement after telling family and friends.

So here's what I told you I was doing this week, it's true. I've added in brackets the baby visits etc.

I'm now carrying a pack lunch with me, the most I can get when I'm out that's wheat free is a cake in Caffe Nero and Costa, can't grab a sandwich/wrap on the on go or fast food, so it's either supermarket sushi or hospital cheese and pickle packs and a yogurt with crisps for lunch most of this week.

258 Sunday Off to meet twitter friends of 10 years for coffee in Newport, Mum had a reaction to some new medication so I got her checked out at the local hospital. After dropping her home I popped into see child 2 and 2a (on the maternity ward)

£5.90 for this at Nevill Hall and I couldn't eat the bread or the sausage rolls, even if I had wanted to.

259 Monday Took mum to the doctors then headed off to Gloucester for a bit of shopping and visit child 1 at home, then called in to see child 2 and 2a (on the labour ward)

260 Tuesday Walked Thing 1 and Thing 2 to school, then took mum for an appointment in Usk, bit of shopping (giant helium balloon, pink of course) coffee, then off to visit child 2 and 2a.

261 Wednesday Walked Thing 1 and Thing 2 to school, they tried to con me with a trip to Greggs and Thing 2 didn't stop talking the whole way and hugged every tree and pole on route. Coffee shop visit and say bye to the lovely Manager, Stacey who was so kind to me when my father died 2 years ago. I spent the day tidying, food shopping, wrapping christmas gifts, a friend called in for a natter and I watched TV and had an early night.

Thing 3 wanted his photo taken, no pictures of Thing 4 the new baby as I didn't want to confuse people with them thinking she was 2b.

262 Thursday 2b home from hospital today. I met a friend for coffee in a nearby town, called into my old neighbourhood for a catch up and visited 2, 2a and 2b and then had dinner at a friends house.

263 Friday Took mum for a routine hospital appointment in Newport, called back in the old neighbourhood to catch up with another friend and then it was back to visit The 2's.

264 Saturday Up early and Peter and I finally got the video chat working again, it's been playing up all week and it's vital for us as a family to be able to communicate freely and for him to meet his granddaughter until he can fly over in person.

My nephew, his partner and their 3 month old son, my great nephew live over the road from 2 and 2a, so as the house filled with visitors I popped over to have some cuddles with this one.

Nothing on the blog this week, I've been a little busy. Next week Peter joins me in Northern Ireland for 4 and 4a's wedding.

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We're going to be grandparents.

Child 2 and 2a asked us to phone them mid February. They had been visiting us only the week before so Peter's response was 'I wonder what they want?' My response 'I bet we're going to be grandparents'

I was right.

Our first grandchild is due 20th September 2019.

We're going to be Granddad and Granny, we've been told and have no say in the matter. I'm not keen on being called Granny, it's what you call old people, not a 47 year old. I don't have any other suggestions so I'll just go with the flow as long as my kids don't call me Granny, when speaking about me I don't mind really. It'll be up to the Grandchild what I'm called anyway.

It'll set a precedent for the following grandchildren. I called my father's mother Gran, my cousins called her Nan. My kids call their fathers mother, Granny, their cousins call her Nan also. I find that confusing and assume they're talking about their other grandmother.

I wrote a blog post the other month about being middle aged and not particularly liking it that much, with the next stage of my life being a grandparent and it making me feel old. That was written just a week before the pregnancy announcement.

Well the time is almost here, I don't feel any older. I'm excited for 2 and 2a and what the future brings for them and for us. My mother was the same age as me when she became a Nanna, with my first born. She's became a Great Grandmother at the age of 69 to my nieces children and is still young enough to take a hands on role with them.

We're a family of 7 with a DIL in and a DIL to be and now there will be another one joining our family very soon and we are a little bit excited.

I'm also pleased to say that 2 and 2a are taking the approach of waiting till the baby is born to find out the sex, that won't stop me shopping though.

Just need a nickname now for the baby for my blog ahead of its arrival in September. Any suggestions?

How do you measure your achievements?

I have two certificates on my kitchen cupboard door. 

One for a cup cake class I attended in South Africa, another for the golf marshalling in Abu Dhabi on the European Tour.

Doesn't sound like I've achieved much over the past 8 years, but these certificates mean I was and am being successful in our lives abroad.

Have you ever lived overseas? We had no plans to move abroad and only 3 months notice for both international moves and none existent support from my husbands company. It was offered, part of the contract, but managed badly, leaving (mainly) me to sort everything out, from family visas, finding somewhere to live, opening bank accounts, setting up utilities, wading through pages of medical aid information to work out before finding a Doctor and a Dentist. Getting sim cards, sorting the internet, whilst doing school runs, learning to drive on the other side of the road, making new friends and all the while managing our home in the UK, evicting tenants from hell, repairs, building work and all the paperwork and bills. Tax forms as we are registered over seas as a landlord. More recently purchasing a UK property from abroad and managing my mums finances and house move after my fathers death.

I cook, clean, wash, iron, walk the dog, pay the bills, do the food shop, organise holidays, book flights and car hire.

I've achieved a lot for my family and others. I've raised a family of 5 kids into adult hood, they all still speak to me, we spend time together, they come and visit us on their holidays, we keep in touch almost daily.

I just don't feel I achieve much for myself on a personal level. I never seem to have a good length of time to start things before we get visitors or I fly to the UK.

I've sewing projects to complete, a stack of magazines to read, a pile of books accumulating in the lounge, I've a bike a rarely ride and membership at a pool I've not used since the middle of November. There are movies recorded on the TV and a whole stack of Netflix programmes lined up in favourites.

I just don't feel I'm achieving a lot personally. Always waiting around for the next thing to happen, using it as an excuse not to start anything as I may have to give it up, put it on hold to sort something out somewhere else.

Everything I've done and do of the above doesn't actually take that much time to organise and to do now I have a system, but in the early days of both our moves I didn't have the time and energy for a job or studying while I learnt how everything worked. Now everything is set up I have no excuse not to get a job, learn something new, other than my proven fears of having to give it all up at any moment in time, move somewhere new and start all over again.

I'm a great believer if you really want to do something then everything will eventually fall into place, there will be few cons and those that you do think of, you will dismiss as 'not that hard to overcome' So I'm guessing that nothing is really taking my fancy, grabbing my attention enough to make yet more sacrifices to get on and do things.

There's our sons wedding in September and until that event has taken place, I'm just not motivated to get anything new started as I know I'll have to put it on hold or not be able to dedicate the time needed to it, while I focus on more important things.

I guess that's just life. What about yours?

Week 83 - My Sunday Photo - The Crematorium

Visiting the UK and making time to visit my Gran.

Sadly my Granddad died 4 years before I was born.

My Gran would have loved to have heard about our travels and life abroad. 

From time to time I pick up a post card or a small gift to give to her, then I remember she's not here anymore.