I used to be a ....... soccer mum.

I used to be a soccer mum.

My eldest started playing football aged 5, for Forest Rangers in Cinderford in 1997, the middle child joined him in 1999 aged 4 and for the next 14 years, I spent 2-3 evenings a week sitting in car parks at training and weekends spent locating fields in the middle of nowhere for matches.

My career as a soccer mum came to an end in 2013 on the side of a pitch in South Africa, when the middle child declared he was no longer fussed with football and was concentrating his last 2 years in school on cricket and rugby.

I cannot begin to image the number of hours or the mileage I've driven, the time and cost of getting lost, even in convey. The rain and snow storms I've stood in, the number of times I've dug holes in the pitch to drain the water. The cups of teas and bacon butties made at home games, first aid administered, meetings attended, training, lifts given, the amount of subs collected or the money raised and the time spent organising presentation evenings. The kit washed and boots cleaned and tears dried when games were lost. I was never just a spectator. I dread to think how much we've paid for kit.

The boys have played football and/or referred in the Forest of Dean, Malvern, Birmingham and many, many tournaments around the UK. There have been trials, there have been holiday clubs and middle child spent 2 years training with Birmingham City.

 The middle boys trophies.

As well as supporting the kids playing football we've attended professional matches around the UK, mid week and weekend games to Manchester, Arsenal, Birmingham, Southampton and Wembley. We've seen England qualifiers and FA Cup finals, as well as promotions and sadly relegations. We've appeared on Match of the Day more times than we can remember. We watched Spurs play at Ellis Park.

Chelsea

Birmingham City

Promotion back to the Premiership

18th Birthdays

Wembley and a close up of David Beckham.

FA Cup Finals

Ellis Park and the vuvuzela.

My typical week was spent at work every day. Eldest child had local matches he referred on Tuesdays, Saturdays and Sundays in adult leagues, Training on a Friday and matches on Saturdays. Middle child had local training on Tuesdays. Training in Birmingham on a Wednesday night and Saturday morning and local matches on a Sunday afternoon. I usually juggled getting the boys to their venues, either organising lifts or driving between local matches. Local meant within a 30 miles radius of home and often at opposite ends of this radius.

Sponsorship with McDonalds and local and national trophies won.

 There was a core group of around 6 kids who played in this team for 8 years.

With Geoff Hurst and Eric Harrison

Being the goalies mum is nerve racking.

The last 2 years as a football mum were spent in South Africa at Tuks University in Pretoria. this involved Fridays and Saturdays at training where I was the only soccer mum who stayed for the 2 hours, with a book, a flask and enjoying a walk around the grounds.

Training session at Tuks, South Africa.

For many years our lives as a family revolved around football, playing, watching, supporting, fundraising and I even worked for the local FA for 2 years.

I get to Birmingham City when I'm in the UK with  a combination of kids, with hubby or on my own. I miss the football and the way of life, the socialising, the training and the matches. At the time it was hard work and very time consuming, but a great way to spend time together as a family.

How do you spend your family time?

Putting my plans on hold

No I will not become this person; I don't want to be this person. There were never any plans for me to become a new person.

I liked my life, I liked me.

Two years (2010) ago my life was:

3 kids at home (2 had already left) the 3rd eldest child was planning on leaving home, in the September, to start a new life 120 miles away training in hotel management.

We had booked a 2 week holiday to Tunisia for the 5 of us and hubby and I were planning our annual trip for a week to Vegas. (we went in October)

Outside of my family I had a career, my studies, my love of Birmingham City .I was teaching NVQ level 2 & 3 to mature students wanting to train as Teaching Assistants. I developed the course contents, contributed to paper work design, planned and delivered sessions and assessed in the work place. I also worked as a Child Welfare Officer for the County FA and I was involved in the RESPECT campaign once a month at Wembley. I was also in my final year of a BSc Hons Criminological Studies and Psychology. I ran a local football team consisting of 12 clubs, did their fundraising and organised their presentation nights.

On September the 8th 2010 my life was put on hold as we were offered a move to South Africa with hubbies job, taking the 2 youngest children with us.

I finished up work, ensured all my students has completed their NVQ. Tied up all the multi agency cases, ensured all the paperwork was up to date, did a full handover after assisting with the interviewing for my replacement, organised the house to be decorated and rented out, notified all of change of address, waved good bye to family and friends and set off to....what?

Hold...that's what...my life has been put on hold and I don't know what to do with myself. We've moved twice since we've been here, applied to renew our visas, sorted out issues with school, screamed, shouted, cried, complained almost nonstop about not getting any help with utility bills, moving etc...but that's what I do, I organise, I fact find, I sort things out, it's what I'm good at, but in between? What do I do with myself?

I'm bored, I'm frustrated...I need a purpose, but what's stopping me?

I'm here on a visitor’s visa, there are laws, I don't fulfil the criteria, and apparently I can work cash in hand, so people say.

I try to get motivated, I'm involved in a few charities but it's not regular, it could be, but it's me who does the entertaining, the school holidays, is in charge with no back up when hubby is away and it's hard to get motivated when no one is there to motivate.

We arrived January 2011 since then we moved in Feb, son visited in March, April was school hols, June parents were out, July MIL and SIL visited, August youngest and I were back in the UK. I had Sept and Oct without disruption, Nov son out, Dec back to UK. then in 2012 Jan MIL visited, Feb was free, March friend visited, April school hols, May son visited, June I returned to the UK as my dad had a heart attack and we moved house and we renewed our visa application.

It's nearly the end of July and yet still I'm hanging around, waiting for other people to make decisions. I've been putting off my involvement with Santa Shoe Box, The Baby House, Teaching in a township because I'm worried I may have to return to the UK soon because of my dad, hubby has some European trips lined up, I'm on the shortlist for the London Olympics and at this late stage of the day it will be very short notice now.

It might seem that I've achieved a lot since September 2010, but you'd be wrong...I've done a lot since then, but don't think I've achieved anything on a personal level.

So now I need to make plans, plans for me, yes I'll still sort out all the family stuff, that's always been my role and I actually rather enjoy it all, but I need something for me in all of this, but I just don't know what or how yet...but from now on I’m not going to be at the beck and call of others.

Just another aspect of my changing life

Driving....I used to drive for bloody miles, I’d think nothing of meeting my son off the train in Droitwich after a day at work and drive to Wembley to watch England play, drive home and go to work the following day. Mid week fixtures at St Andrews in all weathers and I was in the car and off.
I’d stop and ask for directions, pull over at the services for a stretch, coffee and smoke to keep me going or even a short kip in the car.
My work in child protection would see me attending meetings, god knows where all over Worcestershire, a club house, a church hall, a pub all in the middle of nowhere, all at night and the bloody sat nav was useless. So armed with a rough direction, someone’s number should I not be able to find ‘the third track’ on the right, just past the field with cows, I’d head off into the darkness, alone for maybe a 1 hour meeting and then try to find my way home again.
We’d get in the car on weekends and drive to the coast, having only made the decision and decided to go at 1pm, we’d get distracted on route and end up at an English heritage site, where we’d picnic and walk, especially if it rained, we’d leave the children behind, once the eldest hit 18 he’d babysit our then 8 year old and we’d always be back before 10pm.
We’d load up the car and go camping or a last minute trip to France on a Friday night on an overnight ferry, returning Sunday lunch time.
I can’t do that anymore and it makes me sad, another aspect of my freedom gone. I do drive at night, but never after 8pm, if hubby is away and the kids have something on at school I organise a lift home for them. I have to plan trips in advance so I can have the sat nav (maybe it’s time we invested in another) I have to know where I am going, when I will be back and what the alternative routes are in advance. I have to make sure my phone is fully charged; avoid the townships (once I’ve worked out where they are)
There are a few townships I drive past on some of my more regular routes and I prefer heading north towards Pretoria rather than south towards Johannesburg. I’m constantly scanning the road ahead and behind me, I can’t pull over to let a vehicle past, I need to keep on going, I stop at lights and check my mirrors constantly, I never leave anything in my car other than maybe my hat on the back seat, I have to have my passport and driving licence on me at all times then I panic if I get mugged I’ll lose everything, as I can’t leave it in my car as that may get stolen.
I made a rooky mistake in my thought that I wouldn’t get car jacked if I was in a busy place as they wouldn’t be able to drive the car off anywhere, but then realised I was just a sitting target to be robbed even in broad daylight, so now I ensure I leave a big enough gap from the vehicle in front of me so I can just drive off if necessary, but the bloody taxi drivers just fill that gap anyway.