Putting my plans on hold

No I will not become this person; I don't want to be this person. There were never any plans for me to become a new person.

I liked my life, I liked me.

Two years (2010) ago my life was:

3 kids at home (2 had already left) the 3rd eldest child was planning on leaving home, in the September, to start a new life 120 miles away training in hotel management.

We had booked a 2 week holiday to Tunisia for the 5 of us and hubby and I were planning our annual trip for a week to Vegas. (we went in October)

Outside of my family I had a career, my studies, my love of Birmingham City .I was teaching NVQ level 2 & 3 to mature students wanting to train as Teaching Assistants. I developed the course contents, contributed to paper work design, planned and delivered sessions and assessed in the work place. I also worked as a Child Welfare Officer for the County FA and I was involved in the RESPECT campaign once a month at Wembley. I was also in my final year of a BSc Hons Criminological Studies and Psychology. I ran a local football team consisting of 12 clubs, did their fundraising and organised their presentation nights.

On September the 8th 2010 my life was put on hold as we were offered a move to South Africa with hubbies job, taking the 2 youngest children with us.

I finished up work, ensured all my students has completed their NVQ. Tied up all the multi agency cases, ensured all the paperwork was up to date, did a full handover after assisting with the interviewing for my replacement, organised the house to be decorated and rented out, notified all of change of address, waved good bye to family and friends and set off to....what?

Hold...that's what...my life has been put on hold and I don't know what to do with myself. We've moved twice since we've been here, applied to renew our visas, sorted out issues with school, screamed, shouted, cried, complained almost nonstop about not getting any help with utility bills, moving etc...but that's what I do, I organise, I fact find, I sort things out, it's what I'm good at, but in between? What do I do with myself?

I'm bored, I'm frustrated...I need a purpose, but what's stopping me?

I'm here on a visitor’s visa, there are laws, I don't fulfil the criteria, and apparently I can work cash in hand, so people say.

I try to get motivated, I'm involved in a few charities but it's not regular, it could be, but it's me who does the entertaining, the school holidays, is in charge with no back up when hubby is away and it's hard to get motivated when no one is there to motivate.

We arrived January 2011 since then we moved in Feb, son visited in March, April was school hols, June parents were out, July MIL and SIL visited, August youngest and I were back in the UK. I had Sept and Oct without disruption, Nov son out, Dec back to UK. then in 2012 Jan MIL visited, Feb was free, March friend visited, April school hols, May son visited, June I returned to the UK as my dad had a heart attack and we moved house and we renewed our visa application.

It's nearly the end of July and yet still I'm hanging around, waiting for other people to make decisions. I've been putting off my involvement with Santa Shoe Box, The Baby House, Teaching in a township because I'm worried I may have to return to the UK soon because of my dad, hubby has some European trips lined up, I'm on the shortlist for the London Olympics and at this late stage of the day it will be very short notice now.

It might seem that I've achieved a lot since September 2010, but you'd be wrong...I've done a lot since then, but don't think I've achieved anything on a personal level.

So now I need to make plans, plans for me, yes I'll still sort out all the family stuff, that's always been my role and I actually rather enjoy it all, but I need something for me in all of this, but I just don't know what or how yet...but from now on I’m not going to be at the beck and call of others.

in your own time Suzanne........

So today I did it, I've been thinking about it and lots of people have suggested it, I just wasn't ready and besides I wanted to find the right place.

I got off my arse and took my CV to an enterprise centre, it's a charity to help and support Africans in using the skills they have and providing the training they need to run their own businessess.

I'm starting off one day a week in a new area, education and training in Customer Care and basic life skills, managing money, budgeting etc.

I have a skill area, these people have a need and hopefully together (it will be a long slow process) we can both achieve something.

*goes to desk to sort out pre entry NVQ teaching material, with a spring in her step*