Showing posts with label drinking. Show all posts
Showing posts with label drinking. Show all posts

Tuesday, 31 October 2017

Alcohol, Parents and Teens.

Last week on #TweensTeensBeyond Co-Host Mother of Teenagers asked 'What is Responsible Drinking for Parents?' I am a great believer that children follow by example and experience has shown me that if parents drink heavily or un responsibly in front of their children it can lead to them consuming alcohol at an earlier age.

I rarely drink when I'm on my own. There have been quite a few times when I've had a call in the middle of the night which has resulted in an emergency dash to a hospital with a child or for a family member. There was a situation about 12 years ago when I poured myself a rum and coke before bed and I was distracted by a last minute 'hunt the PE kit' when hubby phoned to say he'd arrived back at Heathrow but his luggage and car keys hadn't and I had to bundle 4 kids into the car and drive down from Worcestershire with the spare keys.


Back in 2014 I worked with South African Breweries whilst living in South Africa to raise awareness of their 18+ campaign to educate children and teenagers about the dangers of drinking and to say no to alcohol. It covered a range of subjects from signs your child is drinking, talking to your teen about alcohol and alcohol responsibility at social events. Part of the campaign included a family day out to Sun City where we spent the day on Segways providing us with the opportunity to talk about the dangers of drinking alcohol. I had another opportunity and a captive audience a few weeks later when the teen and I spent 27 hours on the Shosholoza Meyl Train traveling from Joburg to Cape Town.



Peer pressure is one of the biggest reasons kids drink. Adverts in the media show young adults, drinking alcohol and having fun, being grown up. TV adverts glamourize alcohol and the message of ‘enjoy responsibly’ is rarely taken in as a warning, more of a slogan.

There are many reasons as to why under 18s drink alcohol, they mimic behavior of others around them, their friends and family members, they may complain of being bored, stressed, unhappy, lack confidence, want to rebel or are angry. There could be death in the family, a change of school, not doing as well in their subjects as they wanted. 

Many teenagers go though these stages and not all take to drinking alcohol, some may take drugs also, self harm or become reclusive, some have eating problems. But not all teenagers resort to the above, some will choose to talk to a parent, a teacher, a family member or a friend. From an early age we teach our children about the rights and wrongs, we teach them to say pleases and thank yous to say no to strangers if offered sweets or a lift. We can empower our children from an early age to say NO to anything they don’t want to do, teach them to walk away, ask them will these so called friends be there to help them in a difficult situation? Teach them the concesquences of their behavior, their actions, even the future implications on their working and family lives and future relationships. A lot of what you say may appear to go in one ear and out the other, but they take in a lot more than you realise.

I've fallen out with many a friend because they've purchased alcohol for their child, as they put it 'to control the situation' I’ve had children to sleep over who've brought alcohol with them and had my kids return from parties where alcohol has been provided by parents. I’ve seen parents sneaking a bottle of alco pops to their children as as they call it ‘it’s not proper alcohol anyway’

As a child we had alcohol in the house, my parents weren't drinkers, in fact my Mother doesn't like the taste of alcohol and even as an adult has felt peer pressure to 'let herself go, unwind and have a drink'
We also have alcohol in the house and while I enjoy a glass of wine or a spirit from time to time, I rarely drink in the week and hardly ever alone. I tend only to have more than a few when we have visitors for a braai or a party and only have an alcoholic drink when out if hubby is driving and doesn't have any alcohol. I usually volunteer to be the driver because I don't NEED alcohol to have fun and to be honest too may people here tend to think one or two drinks won’t impair their ability to drive and besides as they say ‘I’ve had something to eat, it’ll be out my system soon’

I must say for us now with no children living permanently at home we tend not to invite friends with children round to social gatherings and many of our friends have babes in arms, we have never allowed our children alcohol at home other than to have a sip to try it when they’ve pestered and every time they’ve been disgusted by the taste and ask why do we drink it?

When the eldest child turned 18, we were in America where the drinking age is 21. We bought him a bottle of cider and he didn’t drink it, I guess being given permission by your parents isn’t a lot of fun.

The legal age in South Africa to buy and consume alcohol is 18. Alcohol to under 18s is only permitted for religious reasons and can only be given under supervision of the parents. In Dubai the legal drinking age is 21. You also have to have a license to purchase alcohol if you are resident here, which requires you having permission from your sponsor and proving you are not a muslim.

However the legal age in the UK differs greatly, a child under the age of 5 may only be given alcohol under medical supervision, aged 5 drink alcohol only on private premises, aged 16+ with a meal on licenced premises but the adult must order and pay for the alcohol and aged 18+ to purchase and drink alcohol, unrestricted. 

Do you allow your child to consume alcohol? What are your reasons?


Friday, 21 November 2014

You can't drink alcohol in Dubai and other myths I'm exploring

When we moved to South Africa, everyone and I mean everyone whether they'd lived here, visited there or watched a programmes about Africa told us all about the negative stuff, mainly the dangers.

We're flying out to Dubai tonight to find somewhere to live and for hubby to process his work and residency visa applications. We will also receive 'localised' training on rules for entering certain places, travel on public transport, which will effect hubby more than me in regards to 'woman only' compartments at certain times and days, as it won't matter if I travel in a 'mixed' carriage on a train, but could end up getting hubby in serious trouble if he fails to follow the laws.

According to other people and the internet the following apply:
  • We can't buy or drink alcohol in Dubai
  • I won't be able to buy a swim suit, let a lone wear one in a public place
  • Hubby cannot go into a department store without me
  • I have to have my head covered when I go out
  • I won't be able to drive
  • I'll have no rights as a woman
  • You can't buy pork products
  • It is illegal to eat, drink, smoke or chew gum in public during Ramadan, inc inside a car
  • You can't take a bible into Dubai, you cannot discuss Christianity in public and there are no churches
I went to Dubai in January and walked around on my own, sat on the beach, swam in the sea and drank alcohol at a bar. I didn't get arrested or even told off.

I spent a day on a public beach wearing my swim suit.
I ordered a glass of wine with my lunch in the hotel.
I wore shorts, T-shirt and sandals and travelled around Dubai on public transport.
I had bacon for breakfast in the hotel.

I need to check about eating in public during Ramadan and I know hubby can enter a department store, I think it's ladies underwear shops that he can't go into (not that he would anyway).

Tuesday, 5 August 2014

Signs your child is drinking and how to empower them to say NO.



Peer pressure is one of the biggest reasons kids drink. Adverts in the media show young adults, drinking alcohol and having fun, being grown up. TV adverts glamourize alcohol and the message of ‘enjoy responsibly’ is rarely taken in as a warning, more of a slogan.

There are many reasons as to why under 18s drink alcohol, they mimic behavior of others around them, their friends and family members, they may complain of being bored, stressed, unhappy, lack confidence, want to rebel or are angry. There could be death in the family, a change of school, not doing as well in their subjects as they wanted.

Many teenagers go though these stages and not all take to drinking alcohol, some may take drugs also, self harm or become reclusive, some have eating problems. But not all teenagers resort to the above, some will choose to talk to a parent, a teacher, a family member or a friend. From an early age we teach our children about the rights and wrongs, we teach them to say pleases and thank yous to say no to strangers if offered sweets or a lift. We can empower our children from an early age to say NO to anything they don’t want to do, teach them to walk away, ask them will these so called friends be there to help them in a difficult situation? Teach them the concesquences of their behavior, their actions, even the future implications on their working and family lives and future relationships. A lot of what you say may appear to go in one ear and out the other, but they tak in a lot more than you realize.

A lot of teenage angst is that, just angst, but you should talk with your teenager, support and guide them whatever the issues are and look for an alternative way to channel their issues.

Easier said than done most of the time and as a Mother to 4 boys aged 15-25 it is difficult to know when to intervene, are their mood swings due to hormones? Are they getting in trouble at school, struggling with concentration, mood swings etc? Is there a problem that you can help resolve? Visit their teacher at school to find out what is going on there? Ask a family member or a friend that you know they get on well with to intervene and have a chat? Or do you let them know you are there and give them space to works things out for themselves?

Grounding my children and banning them from activities never worked, neither did taking items away from them. It didn’t encourage them to talk to me about their problems it caused them to shut down. I don’t advocate treating your child as an adult or an equal, but I do advocate treating them as an individual and treating them with respect, letting them know you are there, letting them know there will be no consequences if they confide in you, unless of course they have broken the law.

I also told my children as teens and still do tell them now that I’m not here to tell them off, have a go, interfere, just that I am here to help and the sooner they ask for help from me or someone else, then the sooner they can resolve their issues and move on. It’s been hard work, it’s been challenging, but I am their mum and I certainly didn’t opt to have kids for an easy life.

Every child is different, every parent handles situations differently. With my 4 boys, what worked with one, didn’t with another, it’s just about finding a middle ground.

Visit South Africa Breweries for warning signs to look out for that your child is drinking alcohol here

There are also some good tips on how to empower your child to say no to alcohol which you can read here.




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