Exercising a dog in Dubai in summer.

Between the end of November and the end of April, we walk outside, twice a day. In December, January and February, I walk Bob whenever the mood takes me or him and sometimes we'll have a 3rd walk in the middle of the day for something to do.

In March and April we walk according to the temperature, so usually within a couple of hours of sunrise and after sunset.

We're in June now. The sun rises at 5.30am and sets around 6.45pm. Before we set off on our morning walks, I check the ground temperature. In the same way you'd check a babies bottle isn't too hot before you give it to them. If I can't walk without burning my bare feet, then Bob can't walk either. 

Between June-October, walks will reduce to almost none as the humidity levels rise, even walking after sunset, it's still too hot for Bob to be exercising in temperatures of 45c. I started to reduce the length of the walks and cut them down to once a day. 

Bob has been enjoying a super long lead to go for walks around our neighbourhood. We do occasionally get tangled in a tree and there is some grass we can walk on, but most of it is sand, which gets as hot as the pavements.

I also take Bob to a dog park once a week. There's an outdoor area with a pool, where I let him run off some energy when we arrive and he'll take himself off for a dip in the pool.

  The indoor play area is air conditioned, with an indoor pool also.

We have our own pool at home, with solid walls which I use to bathe Bob in. I'd like to get a bigger one for us both to use, but the garden is too small.

I'm in the UK now till the end of August. Bob will be spending most of the time in kennels. It's a large indoor play space, where he can mix with other dogs, get regular exercise as well as a comfy bed and food. He actually loves going to Doggie Day Care and is a regular visitor at Paw Parking. 

Looking after myself

I implemented the 9am rule, it's working well. It means I have to be ready to face the day by 9am, regardless of whether I'm actually going out or not, it also doesn't matter whether I have a full face of make up on and my hair done or even if I go and have a lie down. I'm not timetabling and scheduling my life I'm just motivating myself to make sure I don't get stuck in rut, which leads to boredom, which in turn, from experience, leads to depression. 

My 9am is now in it's 3rd week, it goes out the window on weekends when my husband is home, he is my motivation then, and it is going well. I've almost completed the whole 'to do' list for January and been getting to bed early.

But there are another few things I need to work on, but this needs co-operationkio from my husband. He works, he is the one with routine, the length of time and order in which he does things in the morning, when he comes home from work, the time in between entering the front door and when he's ready to eat and what time he is ready to go to bed. I don't have a problem with this, however this doesn't suit me. I need to eat earlier, I need to eat less carbs. Peter doesn't always start/end his routine at the same time every day and I find it difficult to get up and start mine or eat earlier knowing I'll have to cook twice or he'll have to eat his warmed up or cook his own, or go to bed earlier without him, as he will travel away often during the week and with me spending so much time in the UK without him, our time together is precious.

I feel selfish if I do my own thing, but it's self imposed and I need to just get over it. Not feel guilty if I go to bed early, eat my main meal at 4pm before he comes home, go to bed early, spend the evening in a another room as due to a bad neck I can't spend hours sitting on the sofa watching TV, as much as I'd like to.

I've always batch cooked, we have 5 kids, I always made enough for 7/8 meals and froze the rest, now I cook for 4 every meal time and freeze 2/3 meals in individual pots. Peter will cook several meals over the weekend and freeze them also. Every morning I'll take a pot out the freezer for him and I'll make myself something fresh each day. This means I can cut down on the amount of carbs I eat, have increased my intake of fruit and veg and dairy products and actually eat less and have stopped snacking as much during the day. 

The mornings are sorted I get up and get on with things downstairs, dishwasher, walk Bob, etc after Peter brings me up a cup of tea to bed every morning. It's just the evenings. Peter showers, cleans his teeth and goes to bed. I can't help doing a million and one taks on the way to bed, followed by bathing, removing make up, moisturising etc which takes far longer than his shower and teeth cleaning.

Thankfully it's winter here in Dubai and both Peter and I love being outdoors. We have bikes, but rarely go for a bike ride at the same time, but we do like to walk the dog together  We like to get outdoors as much as possible. We've recently moved to a new house, 15 minute drive from the beach and we visit it at least once on a weekend, whether it's for a paddle, walk, coffee or all three. We used to live 1km from the beach, but hardly went there, why? because it was at the end of the road, so we could go there when ever we wanted, so we just kept putting it off. We also have a lovely garden, it's small, but more manageable, we've had it landscaped and in the process of having it fenced off, for privacy and so we can leave the dog outside without fear of him jumping the wall. We've also got two balconies, but we only use the one off the bedroom, it means I can sit out there with my tea in the mornings if I choose without having to get out of my pjs first and on a saturday, you'll find us out there, sitting in silence for most of the morning. 

It'll be too hot soon for the outdoor life and we'll have to look at other ways to get out of the house. I'll be spending the bulk of summer in the UK, it's just too hot for me here with nothing to do all day when temps are in the high 40's. Peter will carry on working and have a couple of trips over to visit me. It's fairly typical of what most expats do out here.

Giving up smoking is killing me

I gave up smoking on August 17th 2012.

For 4 fabulous days I was a non smoker.

On day 5 I smoked 1 cigarette.

On day 6 I smoked 2 cigarettes.

On day 7 I smoked 2 cigarettes.

On day 8 I smoked 3 cigarettes.

It is now day 9 and I feel like the hungry caterpillar, but for cigarettes.

I get to 1pm every day without giving smoking a thought. I'm back to swimming 1km everyday and with ease. Head down 10 lengths freestyle, without stopping. I can now swim it in 15mins instead of the 40mins it was taking previously. I have plenty to do in the mornings and then by 1pm I want to smoke.

I've changed my morning routine, I associate a morning cuppa with a cigarette, so instead I have fruit juice, but by 1pm I want a cup of tea and I start to think about smoking, by 4pm I am smoking a cigarette.

It tastes vile, I cough, I can smell the smoke already on my clothes and in my hair. I hate the smell of other people smoking, I always have, that doesn't make me want to smoke. I'm making crafts and sewing and gardening to occupy my hands. I spend more time upstairs as I don't smoke indoors and I'm not near the door just to pop out for one.

I've smoked for 24 years, I don't enjoy it, I'm addicted. I don't need a cigarette to calm the nerves, relax me, make me happy. I need the nicotine. It doesn't calm the nerves, relax me or make me happy, it just stops that nagging feeling inside as my body screams for the 24 years of nicotine it has gotten used to.

I think I was too adventerous, I told everyone I was a non smoker from August 17th onwards. I haven't failed, I've just stumbled at the first hurdle, not realising what a challenge I was embarking on.

So I will carry on smoking my 2-3 cigarettes a day, increase my exercise, cut back on the fats and sugars and will become a non smoker on September 3rd 2012.

I'm driving for 5 hours with my son to Kruger Park and spending a week in a tent and going on safari. I can't smoke, I won't be able to buy cigarettes and I will have changed my environment and routine and see if that works.

UPDATE

Well my plan to stop smoking at Kruger back fired. I'm back to 10-15 a day. I followed all advice, I re read the book and I know I'm stupid. The nicotine had a stronger grip on me than I ever thought possible.

I'm stopping smoking (again) tomorrow. Hubby is away for another 2 weeks, I've smoked the last cigarette in the packet this evening. I have no cash on me and no need to go out. I want to stop, I will stop, it's just harder than I realised.

UPDATE 2

I asked the Doctor for help. I've been prescribed Champix, I've picked day 11 to stop.
Check back on September 21st and I'll let you know whether I'm thinking about cigarettes or not.

What else will the day throw at me?

What started off as a trip to the Perodontist for what I thought was a scale and polish (the referal form was written in Afrikaans) has ended up with an appointment for Oral Surgery for bone degeneration, a test in the morning for diabeties, which if I don't have now I will have eventually, a referal to the pain clinic and a clinical psychologist, pain meds and anti inflammatories for the chilblains and Prozac.

I left home at 9am and returned with pizza for the kids lunch at 1pm. What a morning.

Being an expat isn't all sunshine and pools although, yes we do have all that. Yes I'm lucky that I don't have to work anymore, the kids benefit from me being at home every day after school and through the holidays and hubby comes home to a clean and tidy house every evening and a home cooked meal.

There are parts of it I do enjoy such as the cooking, I've impressed myself with some of the things I can just 'throw together' and with the introduction of a slow cooker from a friend for my birthday it's all systems go. I don't actually mind the cleaning, it's a tiled house and so easy to do, we also have little furniture and what ornaments we have are in a glass cabinet so it's not really a difficult job. But I do miss work, meeting people, deadlines, sociallising and I find life sometimes very lonely, repetitive and boring.

At this point you're probably thinking 'that sounds like my life' but what you have to remember is that my old life of work, study, volunteering, sociallising stopped over night when we emigrated. And here's where the Prozac comes in. Moving house is stressful, everyone knows that, chuck in my fathers heart attack, renewing our visas, discovering our youngest wasn't being supported in school with his dyslexia and then a diagnosis of disgraphia and it all got a bit too much for me. Forget all the crap with the UK banks and the lack of (non exsistant) support from hubbies company. I'm, how shall I say it? at the end of my rope.

Now don't panic I'm a practical person and I may wallow in self pity with a 'woe is me' attitude but I'm a doer, one of lifes 'the more stress I have the better I thrive' get on with it type of person. But there comes a time when I need help and today is that day.

I left the dentists and went straight to the Doctors to request to speak with the Practice Manager, I wanted to know how I went about the diabeties test? who did I see about feeling depressed? stopping smoking? do I google a psychologist or need a Dr's referal? Do I see the practice nurse for a blood test? How do I get to see a pain specilaist? I got as far as her saying 'come through' before the tears started. She listened, made an emergency appointment for me to see the Doctor and now I feel alot better.

However over the next few months I have a list of appointments with a variety of people. We are in our medical aid payment gap so I drove to Discovery to find out what's happening, what's covered and what's not. I couldn't have asked for better information and assistance.

I'm over whelmed right now, I thought calling home would help, but it just reminded me how ill my dad is with diabeties, heart disease from smoking, lack of exercise and poor diet. However his reply was positive he said 'I'm 72 when all this happened to me and all I can do is maintain it, you're 41 and can prevent it all from happening'

I'd already planned to stop smoking this thursday, I set the date last month and I'm 82% of the way through Allen Carr's 'stop smoking' on my kindle app. I've schedule to return to swimming tues, wed and thurs am, having used the cold winter mornings as an excuse. I also downloaded 'thinking slimmer' a few months ago and then slapped myself for wasting £30 on hype and never listened to it, however on Saturday I thought what the heck and this morning I actually put the chocolate and the coke back in the cupboard as I was going to eat it to cheer myself up when I realised that I'd be better off with a late breakfast of Special K. I'll not use it to think myself slimmer but to think myself healthy and I've set my goals as just that and besides 2 jeans sizes smaller won't hurt me.

Blogging and sharing and tweeting is wonderful therapy for me. As soon as I put something out there, there is no hiding from it any more, denying it's happening. there's been too much of that despite me being an 'open' person. Always putting a positive spin on things, using humour hasn't actually helped, it just delayed this moment, put off asking for assistance, not wanting people to think I was a failure.

Because I'm NOT a failure, I'm a success. I've done it, I've emigrated, I've integrated, I've achieved far more than I ever thought I was capable of and now I'm there, now I've reached that point, it's time to say 'I need some help in understanding it all, medication to get me through while I unjumble and off load my mind'

I'm depressed, I asked for help, I'm taking the meds, I'm proud of how far I've come and look forward to the next set of challenges, but this time I know I NEED to ask for help along the way and not lie and say I'm fine.

Why I'm no longer a groovy mum

I wrote this post about my life being put on hold but I didn't write about what and how I was going to make changes and TBH I'm still not really sure.

I'm a 'new' me, I lost my groove, I've realised it can never be recovered. I've lost my way, my identity and my groove and no amount of fighting is going to bring it all back.

Things have to change, they have to be different. So far I've fought it, life as an expat trailing spouse seems to be golf, tennis, bridge, coffee mornings...it's not me.

I actually enjoy being on my own, but I need something to do, a purpose, an end product to show, to say 'look what I've done today' My life is no longer measurable by a monthly salary slip.

I've learnt to sew.
I've time to do arts and crafts, fix things, write, blog, play with the cat.
I'm capable now of dropping everything for an opportunity to go out.
I've stopped getting stressed if the dishwasher isn't unloaded the second it finishes.
I still shout, but I don't get angry anymore.

But I can't do this forever. I've nearly finished making curtains. There's only so many things I can make before I run out of places to put things or people to give them to.

So I've made a list of personal challenges based on what people here do, what people suggest I do and what I actually want to do.

So I'm turning my blog into a book. I don't have any plans to look for a publisher or self promote as an ebook. I've also written 30,000 words in chick lit style, that I'm determined to finish and will put it together for for mum to read.

I need to get back into using the gym, but it's winter and too cold when I get out after a swim, so I'm going for a walk every day. I need to set the DVD player upstairs so I can do a keep fit routine.

I'm going to try golf, I'm not having any lessons, I'm just going to go down the driving range over the road, we have some right handed clubs and I'll just smack a few balls around.

I've made contact with a woman who teaches at UNISA and asked her for further info so I can resume my studies.

I've made contact with several organisations I've been volunteering for to make arrangements for a more permanant volunteer role.

I'm researching and writing proposals for #bloggingforsouthafrica

So watch this space as I reinvent myself based on the limitations of my visa and family finances.

In search of my Groove

This blog hop was set up by @kateonthinice in September 2011. I joined at the beginning because to be honest I was feeling rather deflated. My whole life as I knew it disappeared over night and other than other expats and my Husband and two teenage boys, no one understood what it was like to move 5000+ miles away from every thing I'd ever know and knew and to start afresh in a country that is famed for it's violence and poverty.

All anyone saw was this Grand house we live in on a golf course, with a river at the bottom of the garden and wall to wall sunshine.

Yes the above did help, but it cannot and will never replace the first year we experienced here, too scared to venture out in case we were hijacked at gun point. Not knowing where to go and have no one to turn to, to ask for help.

But those days are over now, I've made friends, locals and other expats, in fact I met a couple on the weekend, who are not only from the same UK town as us and know some of the same people, but our children were actually at school at the same time, granted theirs are older, but still...coffee at her house this pm. Another friend, Cheryl (she reads my blog) has been a life saver, not only do we have kids who get on well and are the same ages, but we have a similar outlook on life and I don't know what I would have done when I needed a friend and she wasn't there.

There have been fab outings and adventures and I've seen more wild animals than I can shake a stick at.

We've had family and friends to visit and my son is out again next week. But it leaves me with a hollow feeling when they go, I'm back to being on my own, while they go back to their lives of work, family and friends...But no more moping. I have my wonderful Husband and two kids here, we all have our health, I have friends and although I still cannot work, I can volunteer, which I've been doing for nearly a year now.

So no more me needing to Recover my groove, it's not back, it's just different, my grieving period for my old life has gone and it has morphed, painfully, into a new one. But I will still take part in #Groovymums, it will remind me how far I've come over the past year...and on that note...

"I encourage you to read the questions here http://kateonthinice.wordpress.com/how-to-be-a-groovy-mum/ and if even one rings true for you, join in. You can do this by linking up relevant blog posts about how you are taking steps to change your life for the better even if in tiny ways. You are also invited to join the Groovy Mums Ning network http://groovymums.ning.com to meet some like-minded ladies keen to get their lives back on track."

Here are some challenges you may want to consider this week.

1. Body – What new ways can you find to take exercise?
Not alot of opportunities here, without getting in the car first, I've thought about learning to play golf, it's a cure apparently 'all the expat ladies play' but it doesn't appeal, it's not me. I use the gym every day, swimming, and now the weather is cooler I will start to walk around the course after play finishes for the day.

2. Mind – It is Depression Awareness Week. Have you experienced depression? Do you know how to spot the signs of depression in your loved ones and others? Check out http://blackdogtribe.com for information and support with mental health issues. They are also asking for your stories.
Yes I've been depressed, did you read the intro to this above?

3. Blogging – Did you know http://britmums.com publish round-ups of good posts on certain issues such a food, politics, special needs, green issues, health and more? Why not promote your posts to the editors of these round-ups and raise your profile?
I do visit @britmums more often than I used to and where I can't add, I RT.

4. Special Days – This week saw us marking St George’s Day. Is there a dragon that you need to tackle in your life?
Mmmmmmm, hi family,let me know you read this, could do with your help and no I won't be asking, because I know you are reading this.

5. Charity Connections- Get shopping online and hundreds of retailers will give a percentage of what you spend to a charity of your choice. Click here http://www.give.as/kateonthinice and register for free for Give As You Live with your name and email address. Do it today! You don’t have to spend any money now but it means when you do shop online you can ensure some of the money goes to a good cause. Why wouldn’t you? When you click, you will see poppies because I am personally raising money for the Royal British Legion but you can register here and then when you shop, you can select a charity of your choice.
Sorry, there is no way I'm doing any transactions online over here.

6, The Big Question – What has the last year brought you? Are you happy with it?
Well again, please see the introduction, Yes I am happy, I've laid alot of ghosts to rest, I've learnt to ignore the rest. I've also spoken up and made it clear with certain people, that I am not happy with the way they have treated me and my family (ie hubbies company) and I've told them what they need to do, to help us. They will never make amends and in fact they've given up apologising, but that hasn't solved anything. I'm satisfied now that I have inconvienced them where it hurts, financially, but not to our gain, just to sort out the bloody mess they made. And on June 1st we move into our new house and I can/will finally move on.