Writing letters: The art of communicating the old fashioned way.

In a post last week I wrote about why I share what I do online, mainly because I'm looking for interaction, sadly I just don't get the response a lot of the time that I'm after. For me, communication is a two way process and a 'like' on facebook just doesn't cut it for me. Since Skype was blocked this year in the UAE, verbal communication has come to a halt, to be honest that was pretty much one way anyway and I don't think our land line rings more than twice a year, we randomly call it just to make sure it is working.

At 46, I'm of the generation that can't live without the internet, but I also know how to live and survive without it. I also have many relatives who don't use social media and being from the generation where I wrote thank you cards for birthday and Christmas presents, I love to write and receive letters and since leaving the UK 7 years ago this month, I've been corresponding with family and friends all over the world. I have pen pals from the world of twitter who I've never met but we write on a regular basis and some of these friendships have had me traveling for meet ups, with my furthest distance travelled to date being a 14 hour flight from Dubai to Toronto to stay with Catherine and her family, known as Always a Redhead.

My two oldest pen pals are an old school friend, Sharron and I keep a shoe box of her letters from when we were 11 and I moved away up until we stopped writing around the age of 19 when boyfriends, work and children came along, but we're still in touch on face book. My other pen pal is my Dad's cousin's daughter Carol and despite us being on face book, we still change physical Christmas cards every year.

The postal system is much improved since moving to Dubai from South Africa where sadly most letters rarely made it in or out, but you'd be surprised with a bit of determination what you could do and I value those people who made extreme efforts and at great costs to keep those avenues of communication open and in fact still do.

A friends mother once stuck a UK 2nd class stamp on a Christmas card and it arrived in South Africa within 5 days, a cousin in Australia addressed the envelope as below and it arrived in under 2 weeks.

31 Valley Crescent

Centurion

Africa

I have my favourite writing spot.

I have a variety of novelty pens.

I keep every letter written and a copy of every letter I send.

I walk to the post office in temps of 40c+ to get your letter or card to you.

I have a box full of note books, I use for blogging, pretty covers and inspirational quotes.

I have cards for every occasions and I have lots of paper.

I keep a record of birthdays, anniversaries and deaths and make sure cards and gifts get to people on time, even if it means leaving them in the UK with my mother months in advance. sadly this doesn't always work in reverse and it does upset. Too many excuses about lack of time, advance planning, the cost of postage and why bother if it's not going to get there.

But those who matter do make the effort, for which I am eternally grateful.

How about you? Do you like to receive post? Do you send letters and cards through the post? Do you have pen pals? Would you like another one?

Just drop me your address in a message on Social Media, I'm found under the name of Chickenruby on twitter, instagram and face book. I'd love to hear from you and add you to my address book.

The importance of letter writing

I've seen numerous social media updates over christmas where people have posted 'thank you for all the messages, hope you all have a happy christmas and new year, sorry I can't reply to everyone'

Really??? Are you sorry you can't reply to each and everyone? Did you really receive THAT many messages?

'We've made a donation instead of sending christmas cards this year, so happy christmas all'

I hate seeing these updates, I don't mind that you haven't sent me a christmas card, but I do mind if you fail to acknowledge mine, just with a simple message on social media to say 'thanks for the card' and I do mind if you can't take the time to respond to a message or update I've tagged you in or sent directly.

Whether we write with pen and paper or write an update on social media we do it for the interaction, for a response, to share information, photo's of places or family, it's all about communication, which is a two way street.

If I write you a missive (10 page hand written letter) respond to it. As a rule the people I write my missives too send them back even longer, even if it's a typed round robin stuck in a card and not personalised, answer it, respond to it. The sender is looking for a response even if it's just a message on Facebook saying 'thanks for the letter/card' Don't just ignore it, that person has contacted you because they want or even in some cases need the interaction, want a response, want to be part of your lives.

The same goes on face book, don't assume someone's update is just rubbing your nose in things and ignore it, they are proud of theirs and their kids achievements and yes sometimes it may be a little exaggerated but they are looking for a response, give a random like or ignore, no worries. But if they've tagged you in the post it is because they want you to see it, they want a response, they are opening up the doors for communication, don't ignore it.

It's too easy with social media to pretend you're involved in someones life, that you've seen their updates and photo's, but how does that person know that if you don't respond?

People say they are too busy these days to write letters anymore, too busy to go on face book and click 'like' but not busy enough to post their own updates.

For 4 years we lived in South Africa, the Christmas we left the UK, we were homeless, having packed up all our worldly goods, what we hadn't already sold or given away and spent christmas touring the UK saying goodbye to family and friends, before moving 6000 miles away.
Last Christmas we were living in a Hotel in Dubai having moved there 6 days before christmas, but as with previous years we still found the time to write and send christmas cards as well as organise presents.

I've spent my week writing thank you notes, asking people about their Christmas and their plans for the year ahead, despite already having already said thank you on face book.
I've written and will be posting the birthday cards for January next week, February till June birthday cards will be sent back to my mum with one of the kids for her to forward on nearer the time and birthday and easter gifts, small toys for my niece, were taken over in September.

It's easier now the kids are adults they only want cash and as for the Mother's they will have flowers for birthdays and Mothers day, ordered online. They will phone when they arrive.

I don't send gifts, cards and letters to be acknowledged with a big thank you, I send them to show that despite living 1000's of miles away that you are important in my life and I'd like to think I'm important in yours. Sadly this isn't always the case, but I will continue to set the example and hope you follow the lead.

These folders contain every letter and card sent to us as a family since our expat journey began in January 2011. I also photocopy every letter I write before sending it. One day, to future generations, I hope it will be of interest, mapping their great grandparents lives abroad.

Getting ready for Christmas with All Colour Envelopes

Well that's Christmas sorted, presents bought and wrapped, cards written, addressed and stamped. I just need to wait till December 1st and hope my Mother remembers where she's kept everything for safe keeping and hands it out/posts it all on time.

Living in Dubai means I have to be very organised and plan well in advance. My next trip to the UK won't be until June 2016. I travel to the UK twice a year and tend to take birthday cards and presents with me for the next few months as posting is quite expensive, in-between our children come to visit and bring over gifts from family and friends and take stuff back for me for the next set of birthdays. Having lived in South Africa for 4 years prior to this move, 90% of all post went missing, especially anything that looked like it may contain a gift, including cards.

The lovely people at All Colour Envelopes sent a large box to my parents address for me to use for review purposes. Now when I think of envelopes, apart from the ones that come with birthday cards, I picture them to be white or brown and in a variety of sizes, sometimes padded and ones with a hard piece of card to send photos or documents in.

I didn't expect to see so many different sizes, colours and materials. I'd bought my dad an old Roy of the Rovers football annual from 1960. I put it in one of the padded envelopes, used a silver pen and wrote 'To Dad, Happy Birthday, Love Suzanne and Peter' I had no wrapping paper on me, the book was in a recycled plastic bag. I'd only been in the UK a couple of days touring around and hadn't had chance to buy paper to wrap it.

I used the padded envelopes for birthday, new birth, christmas and even an easter gift, which included clothing, jewellery, craft activities and toys. I was able to use a normal biro to write on all of the envelopes and for the darker ones I used a silver pen. For the envelopes that went through the postal system I used a plain sticky label to write the address on.

These envelope were fab to put cash in for 3 of our 5 children, I struggle with internet banking when my UK bank wants to confirm random payments while I'm in Dubai.

I write letters, every week to friends and family across the world. The gold envelope is on it's way to Canada to my friend Catherine who I spent 3 weeks with this summer after 3 years of being pen pals, having met on twitter.

I also wrote and addressed all the UK christmas cards, which I've left in the UK with my mum who will post them on for me in December. The envelopes were white and each one needed licking to seal. All Colour Envelopes were brightly coloured and fitted the selection of cards I had and have a peel off strip to ensure secure sealing of the envelope.

I've been making some scarfs and bags that I'm selling for the charity work I'm doing in South Africa and these small envelopes were great to put a business card in.

Week 6 of Project 365

Our first full week in the house, a home at last. This week we've purchased and fixed curtain poles/rails and hung all the curtains. I've had to adapt the ones we brought with us to fit the windows and the new over locker had a trip out today as I made curtains for the front window 3.4 meters wide and a 2.7 meter drop and in this heat it was no mean feat. An early night having stayed up late to watch the rugby and I'm aching from head to toe after a sea swim today, it's been a while since I last swam, let alone in the sea.

Day 32 #onedailypositive #onmyplate #fmsphotoaday #sundayroast #snaphappybritmums #project365

Our first weekend in our new home, still unpacking and haven't got round to calling the gas people yet so today's roast was purchased in Waitrose, our local supermarket. Hubby has requested more food prompts as he enjoyed tonights dinner.

Day 33 #onedailypositive #mail #fmsphotoaday #bramleyapple #snaphappybritmums #project

The 3 files on the top left contain every letter received and a copy of every letter sent since we started our expat journey in January 2011. The postal system in South Africa was very poor and I know a lot of cards and gifts, both ways, went missing. Today I'm being positive by reaching out to old friends and family with our new address in Dubai to see if I can rekindle some friendships lost. On my way home from the post office i'll pick up an apple pie and some custard for tonight's dinner, which reminds me I must call the gas people and get the oven connected.

Day 34 #onedailypositive #water #fmsphotoaday #babysleep#snaphappybritmums #project365 

I'm loving these photo prompts. I wanted to buy material to make curtains for our new lounge so headed down to Bur Dubai, although the haberdashery market was on the same side of the creek as the bus stop I couldn't resist a taxi boat over and back again for less than 20p. The closest I got to combining the 2 photo prompts of #water and #babysleep was a picture of my cat in the bath. Although my kids have left home a) there was no water in the bath and b) the cat is an animal and NOT my baby lol

Day 35 #onedailypositive #reward #fmsphotoaday #TheLetterA#snaphappybritmums 

That's it now, everything has arrived from South Africa. Whilst unpacking the A is for Airfreight I came across this jelly tot chocolate bar. My little reward.

Day 36 #onedailypositive #somethingblue #fmsphotoaday #now#snaphappybritmums #project365

something blue today is me. Life as an #expat never gets easier. I'm currently in #Dubai with 6 days remaining on my 2nd tourist visa, despite all of hubbies visas being in place no one appears to be in any hurry to support the wife. When you live as an expat spouse you lose your identity and after 4 years in South Africa it was a constant battle to reinvent myself without small children at the school gates or a job in which to network and socialist. A move to Dubai puts me right back at the beginning again and although I can work here it'll be a while before I do. Right now I'm writing letters home, most will go unacknowledged and that makes me feel down. Also because I'm still without my visa and ID I have to use hubbies work address with his name which strips my identity further. My daily positive is, at least the postal system works here unlike South Africa

Day 37 #onedailypositive #makemesmile #fmsphotoaday #redclothes #snaphappybritmums #project365

Well I shall be smiling when/if Wales win tonight, although now we are no longer in South Africa I don't get the same level of satisfaction wearing my shirt out in public. My daily positive I'm starting to enjoy living in our new house, now we are unpacked and the curtains are up and we can sit down and relax while watching the rugby.

Day 38 #onedailypositive #stripes #fmsphotoaday#party #snaphappybritmums #project365 

party #brunch on the #beach with our South African friends in their stripey swim trunks. @danblake1995 school friend, father and #expat community weekly beach get together. Making friends and feeling happy.

How to send post from the UK to South Africa

The only successful method is with a courier, which costs a fortune.

There is a postal strike in South Africa, it's been going on since August 13th and isn't due to be resolved until December 4th 2014. I didn't hear about the strike until Mid September, since finding out about it, I've advised family and friends to send mail to my Mother's address in the UK.

I visited the Post Office today to ask what will happen to undelivered post and was informed that when the strike is over the back log will be delivered......well I'm still laughing now, there are frequent strikes and the back log has never been delivered to date. In fact not a lot of post is ever delivered, even when there isn't a strike on.

On several occasions I've tweeted about this with the UK post office and been informed that it is the Royal Mail that delivers the letters so I need to talk to them about it.

Hubbies passport was stolen in July, we are still waiting for the new one to arrive as the Passport Office wrote to ask for further information, at the time we didn't know about the strike as customers are rarely informed here about them.

If as a customer I purchase a stamp to send a letter to a destination, I expect this letter to actually arrive. I accept the occasional mistake with delivery, however when it's a common occurrence and I inform you about it, I expect a proper response or an apology, suggesting the sender makes a claim is a waste of time. It doesn't resolve the issue, the item/letter/gift is still lost, the birthday card never reached the child and the letters saying 'we miss you' you rarely arrive.

A week ago the Royal Mail responded to my tweet with this link.

I wish I'd taken a screen shot of the link prior to me notifying the Royal Mail, but the good news is they have now updated their webpage.

I would like to see the Royal Mail go one step further and actually notify people in the UK when they post letters and/or parcels to South Africa and/or other countries where there are known issues with missing post whether there is a strike or not, as they could save people a lot of time and money and anguish thinking that their gift/letter/card hasn't been acknowledged.

As an expat, yes we can use the internet, phone and Skype but there are plenty of family members and friends that don't use these methods and rely on the postal service.

Communicating the 'Old Fashioned Way' by letter

I question I get asked a lot when I'm out either drinking coffee or sitting on a bench in a mall is 'Excuse me, are you writing letters?' usually followed by a conversation about how they wished people would write more rather than email or face book and when I suggest maybe they should just write a letter and see what happens, it is usually answered with 'I don't have the time/I don't know what to write'

I'm always writing letters, sending post cards, even when we go on a day trip, but I write far more than I ever receive. There are 3 reasons for this.

1. The post is stolen or binned.
2. Some people seem to think that a 'like' on face book when tagged to say a letter is on the way is communication.
3. Something I hear when asked 'why don't you write back?' is 'I've nothing to say' Well say that then on a postcard, at least I know you've made an effort.

There's nothing more upsetting than having waited 2 weeks to visit the post box to discover it empty and I know I get THAT look from the staff when I check the box sometimes daily on the off chance someone has written me a letter.

I keep every letter written to me since we've been in South Africa, it's a diary of our time here and while not interesting for anyone else right now, maybe in a 100 years it will be. I also add a photo copy of every letter I write back.

I carry a selection of pens and note paper, post cards and stamps in my handbag, as I'm always 'in the middle' of writing a letter to someone.

My Mother writes and we phone weekly, we also chat on face book nearly every day. I send letters, postcards, small gifts back to the children in the UK, the 19yo always acknowledges, but then we chat daily, like I do with my Mother. I have 2 pen pals I met on twitter, One I met 4 years ago, just the once, the other I've yet to meet. We exchange letters with on a regular basis and we also chat on twitter and face book. Sometimes it is difficult to find something to write about that hasn't already been read in a blog post, so these letters are a bit more personal. There are other tweeters I write to and write back, unfortunately letters seem to go missing when leaving or arriving in South Africa and it has become a bit of a challenge to see what gets through and that's half the fun sometimes.

The next batch of letters are being sent back to the UK with they youngest child next week, every time anyone leaves South Africa they are given a pile of post to take with them.

Even before life as an expat, I wrote, sent cards, visited the older generation with a physical photo album.

Do you still write letters? Send birthday cards? Post cards? or do you prefer to use email? Social Media? Send E cards?

How do you communicate with people who don't use the internet, the older generation? Like Aunty Mary for instance?

Am I on my own here?

How often to you speak with your kids?

My kids all live in the UK. The eldest is disabled and doesn't speak, nor does she pay much attention to a computer screen or even recognise us.
The next one doesn't really 'do' internet and despite having an email address, a Facebook account and a mobile phone, he never uses them, so sending messages or ringing him, it could be months before he picks them up.
The middle child does respond to text and Facebook messages, but rarely makes contact with us outside of Christmas, Birthdays and Mother/Father's day.
The 2nd youngest is on twitter, Facebook, instagram and we chat daily, comment on each others pictures and updates and Skype often.
The youngest is in boarding school, Facebook etc is filtered through the school's wifi and 3G is almost none exsistant as the walls of the school are very thick and the location is remote, although I can see he's seen the whats app pictures and comments I send him, although he rarely replies. I do phone him on his mobile once a week but he only replies if he happens to be somewhere where there is reception and the call is usually cut off.

I send postcards but the boys always say 'don't bother Mum' or 'I'd rather you didn't as it gets read by everyone first'. I send letters with small gifts or money, but I rarely hear if they've received it.

I did get a post card from the middle child a few weeks ago, but only because he girl friend made him.

The thing is, it doesn't bother or upset me, the kids don't mind either, or so they say. I visit the UK twice a year, they come here once or twice a year and they have family in the UK, cousins, aunts, uncles etc that they spend most of their time with and the 2 eldest boys are in serious relationships so MUM is way down the pecking order anyway.