Word of the Week - Post

No, I haven't been to Kuala Lumpur. This is a post card left over from a trip there in 2023. 

I actually wrote it and sent in in March 2025 from the UK.

But for the person who received it this week in South Africa, it wouldn't have been a surprise for them to think it had taken 18 months to reach them.

If you live in a country where things work, you take it for granted.

In the UK we moan about the cost of postage, the late delivery times, items going astray, deliveries to the wrong address. But if you live in a country like South Africa, it's rare that anything makes it to your door at all, ever.

We lived there for 4 years and as an expat, we relied heavily on the post. From birthday cards for the kids from family to letters from friends and important documents such as replacement passports. It was a nightmare.

Even recorded, signed for, deliveries and DHL (other agents are available) had no guaranteee of making it to your door as the postal system just didn't work, so you had a PO Box address that was expensive and even then, you were lucky if anything, ever at all made it into your PO Box.

On many occasions I'd track parcels and letters sent from the UK right to the sorting office and even receive a slip in the PO Box only to be told 'no we don't have it' I'd show them the slip, the tracking number and they would lie to my face or demand a fictional payment to 'look for it' and at that point you knew it had been stolen or in some cases just thrown away.

Once a parcel from my friend was returned to her house 18 months later, having sat someone in South Africa with no attempt ever being made to have delivered it. Another time a parcel was returned from New Zealand, why it went there, I'll never know.

There were times when empty envelopes arrived with no letter inside, just a torn envelope.

I would have even less success posting items from South Africa, even post cards could take months to arrive in the UK. I'd wait till family and friends visited or Peter was travelling and get them posted in the UK and I'd write my Christmas cards in August and leave them with my mum, when I was over on a visit, to post in December.

After we left South Africa, I posted a birthday card to a friend, I asked at the post office for a certificate of postage, even the woman who sold me the stamp said not to bother as she didn't expect it to get there.

I'm off to Paris in June to see for my friend for a weekend, it's becoming an annual trip. I will write the birthday and Christmas cards and some letters for her to take home with her like I did last year, she will arrive with letter etc like last year also for and from a couple of friends. She is my post mule.

It was her house I sent the post card to, the post card was for a mutual friend. For some reason her postman will deliver the post, the friend it is intended for, for some reason, her postman seems to just bin all her cards and letters.

And then little miracles would happen, a letter would arrive address like this, within 10 days of being posted and you'd wonder just how it made it through.

31 Valley Crescent

Centurion

Africa

Africa is a big place. I'm amazed it arrived at all.

2021 Week 10 One Daily Positive - To do lists and organising myself.

I'm on the countdown now to return to Dubai, assuming I get permission to leave the UK and I get the export papers for the dog sorted to travel to Northern Ireland, export needed due to Brexit. So I'm back to my 'to do' list of things I've been putting off or just haven't got round to.

We brought the animals over to the UK last year with the intention of me travelling back and forth and getting house sitters lined up. The dog is really frightened of the vets and gets a bit cross with it all. So we flew him to the UK while his inoculations were still in date to save us both the stress. But thanks to everyone who voted Brexit, my dog has had to go through the whole process again, heavily medicated, at a considerable cost around £500 and extreme stress to myself and him. We had planned to travel to Northern Ireland with the dog frequently to visit child 4 and his wife, now it looks like this we will have to get a 'fit to travel' certificate, chip scan and up to date jabs for each trip as pet passports are no longer valid from Great Britain. At this point in time I have no idea how we'll get him back to the mainland in July. I just don't need this level of stress.

65 Saturday Met my friend with her dog for a socially distanced walk. bob had some time off the lead, his recall is really good these days. We walked about 4 miles mainly in mud, few people out. Home to do some more weeding, watched TV and blogging. Awake most of the night with severe cramps in my left calf and thigh.

View of the Malvern Hills.

66 Sunday Woke with a headache, but one round of meds cleared it within the hour. The cramp in my leg continued through the day. I decided to get a newspaper today, I'm really trying to avoid indoor spaces as much as possible and really keeping shop trips as essentials as much as possible. Did some gardening, dinner, bath, wine, TV then bed.

The cat and I have been enjoying the afternoon sun in the conservatory.

67 Monday Woke with a horrendous cold, just can't stop sniffing and sneezing, but no other symptoms. Leg and head now ok so I'm assuming side effects of iron infusion, snotty and sneezing all day. Read the papers, did some gardening, gave Bob a bath, walked him, washed all the bedding Had an altercation with a driver parked on the zig zag lines in front of the school, he refused to move, reported to school again and to the police online via the anti social method. Ate an Easter Egg, got mad at myself, went to bed after watching Oprah interview, found it fascinating.

These two can be such good friends.

68 Tuesday Thought it was Monday all day, due to the Oprah Interview being advertised as Sunday (in America) and ITV changing their programs around. It was only when Corrie didn't come on at 7.30pm and I checked the TV guide on the screen that I realised. So I missed my hospital appointment for 2nd iron infusion. During the day I did some gardening, washing, renewed some rotten wood in the the garden which involved a hand saw and fence paint. Wrapped up and addressed all the Easter and Birthday parcels for April, ready to be posted, video called with child 2a and grandchild, had a bath, a nap, dinner, watched TV and bed to watch Unforgotten. Had stabbing and shooting pains in left side of neck and left arm all evening.

69 Wednesday Rearranged iron infusion for Monday, headed out to do a food shop, started in Lidl and ended up in Waitrose, really struggle shopping for GF products, all stores stock things differently. I got really irate with some people, one man restored my faith in humanity by standing aside for me to enter a shop to then walk in behind me as he said he could see I was getting frustrated with the lack of social distancing. I did some touching up of paint and plaster from moving furniture around, finished weeding the front garden and planned some work in the garden.

When the cat tries to get in the pod with me, all she succeeds in doing is spinning me round.

70 Thursday Couldn't get motivated, was supposed to be in Qatar for the golf, but due to not having anyone to look after the pets I couldn't go, so I spent the morning feeling sorry for myself. Got up at midday when the door bell rang, I tidied up the garden after the wind, did some cooking, tidying and cleaning. My friend dropped off two mirrors I'm going to hang with the two I already have to get more light into the room. 

Child 4 and 4a sent flowers for Mother's Day.

71 Friday A social distanced meet up and walk with my friend and her dog again, this time up the Malvern Hills. We got coffee and sat by the Priory for a while.  Home to do some washing, pay bills, chase payments owed and get medical aid approval, sort through emails. Evening spent in front of the TV.

Post from child 2 and 2a and grandchild.

On the blog this week:

My Sunday Photo -  A foggy view on the Malvern Hills.

How being an expat hasn't differed much from lockdown.

Post Comment Love - Happy Mothers Day and getting organised.

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Christmas 2019 from the UK, South Africa and Dubai

The tree went up in November as we were travelling and Christmas didn't really get going until the weekend, with a visit from Carol singers and watching the ultimate Christmas movie Yippe Ki Yay.

I had been hoping my mum was joining us for Christmas again this year and I was planning 3 weeks of shopping, Christmas markets and searching for the ultimate Christmas tree. There's something quite magical about seeing Christmas trees and decorations on the beach in the sun. But she's not coming out now until the New Year.

I spent the first week of December in the UK and went to a panto which at Sarah from mumofthreeworld daughter is in.

The Christmas Tree at our daughters care home.

Street lights in Monmouth

I didn't fancy spending the run up to Christmas on my own, there's no magic to be had in that and as Peter was going to South Africa for 2 weeks I decided to join him and visit my friends there instead of being here on my own.

Christmas in South Africa is very different from here in Dubai, it's more about family and the actual occasion. The malls and shops are decorated and there are lots of Christmas items advertised. I went with a group of friends to the Jacaranda Kinderhuis light festival, who raise funds with their light display, closing off streets for people to walk around in safely and enjoy the lights, crafts, foods and fun fair.

Irene Mall

Brooklyn Mall

 Lynnwood Bridge

 Brooklyn Mall

Jacaranda Kinderhuis

And of course no trip to South Africa is complete without sorting through donations for Christmas boxes for vulnerable children

The weekend before Christmas we visited mall of the Emirates and Dubai Mall to check out the decorations.

I've booked a Christmas Brunch at the JW Marquis Marriott, we have friends joining us. We will open presents in the morning from friends, mum and child 2, 2a and 2b who made the effort to ensure they were given to me to bring home on my visit in October and December. Cards were posted to us early for the same reason. I left and posted all our gifts and cards to family and friends in the UK in October.

Of course chocolate has been bought and we had a braai.

I've never really got used to Christmas in the sun for the past 9 years

After brunch and we will make phone calls to family in the UK in the evening. I've also downloaded Love Actually and Die Hard 2 to watch on Christmas Eve and am planning a visit to the beach today to see what decorations they have on display there.

Writing letters: The art of communicating the old fashioned way.

In a post last week I wrote about why I share what I do online, mainly because I'm looking for interaction, sadly I just don't get the response a lot of the time that I'm after. For me, communication is a two way process and a 'like' on facebook just doesn't cut it for me. Since Skype was blocked this year in the UAE, verbal communication has come to a halt, to be honest that was pretty much one way anyway and I don't think our land line rings more than twice a year, we randomly call it just to make sure it is working.

At 46, I'm of the generation that can't live without the internet, but I also know how to live and survive without it. I also have many relatives who don't use social media and being from the generation where I wrote thank you cards for birthday and Christmas presents, I love to write and receive letters and since leaving the UK 7 years ago this month, I've been corresponding with family and friends all over the world. I have pen pals from the world of twitter who I've never met but we write on a regular basis and some of these friendships have had me traveling for meet ups, with my furthest distance travelled to date being a 14 hour flight from Dubai to Toronto to stay with Catherine and her family, known as Always a Redhead.

My two oldest pen pals are an old school friend, Sharron and I keep a shoe box of her letters from when we were 11 and I moved away up until we stopped writing around the age of 19 when boyfriends, work and children came along, but we're still in touch on face book. My other pen pal is my Dad's cousin's daughter Carol and despite us being on face book, we still change physical Christmas cards every year.

The postal system is much improved since moving to Dubai from South Africa where sadly most letters rarely made it in or out, but you'd be surprised with a bit of determination what you could do and I value those people who made extreme efforts and at great costs to keep those avenues of communication open and in fact still do.

A friends mother once stuck a UK 2nd class stamp on a Christmas card and it arrived in South Africa within 5 days, a cousin in Australia addressed the envelope as below and it arrived in under 2 weeks.

31 Valley Crescent

Centurion

Africa

I have my favourite writing spot.

I have a variety of novelty pens.

I keep every letter written and a copy of every letter I send.

I walk to the post office in temps of 40c+ to get your letter or card to you.

I have a box full of note books, I use for blogging, pretty covers and inspirational quotes.

I have cards for every occasions and I have lots of paper.

I keep a record of birthdays, anniversaries and deaths and make sure cards and gifts get to people on time, even if it means leaving them in the UK with my mother months in advance. sadly this doesn't always work in reverse and it does upset. Too many excuses about lack of time, advance planning, the cost of postage and why bother if it's not going to get there.

But those who matter do make the effort, for which I am eternally grateful.

How about you? Do you like to receive post? Do you send letters and cards through the post? Do you have pen pals? Would you like another one?

Just drop me your address in a message on Social Media, I'm found under the name of Chickenruby on twitter, instagram and face book. I'd love to hear from you and add you to my address book.

Managing life as an expat

I'm one idiot away from a break down.

I'm 46, I struggle to control my bladder, what makes you think I have any control over my life?

Compared to other people I think I live a very stressful life, full stop. I live abroad. I have to deal with slow and none existent postal systems, time difference, expensive phone calls and rely on the good will of others to sort things out on our behalf.

We rent out our family home in the UK, with that come building insurance, mortgage payments, bank accounts, gas safety certificates, repairs, estate agents, tax return forms.

Our youngest child has been educated in the UK for the past 4 years, school fees, uniforms, pocket money, trips, learning support, GCSE's, exam fees, resits, flights, lifts to airports, passport renewals, pocket money.

I've had to manage two lives in two countries simultaneously and it's starting to take a toll. It's hard work keeping up with the bills, the kids, my health and juggle being happy and healthy and making sure everyone has everything they need.

Yes I know the kids are all adults now, yes I know we employ rental agents to manage our house, we have international and off shore banking, we now have all bills set up online so we don't have to rely on the post and the good will of others to forward it on to us.

We don't hire an accountant, we're not made of money, we do things ourselves, but it all takes time and everything is done very differently in both the UK and where we live in Dubai.

I find myself constantly having to switch my brain on and off. Car and contents insurance works the same way surely? No, not really, it's set up differently, direct debits, standing orders, monthly and annual payments.

We rent a property in Dubai, the contract is for a year, we have to pay a deposit and pay the whole years rent up front, we have to make sure that the landlord agrees in writing to take responsibility for repairs to their own property or we'd be liable for the cost of repairs, to include leaks, air con, painting the outside and general maitenance, we then have to register the rental contract with the muncipality or we can't have water and electricty to the property. We don't have an agent, the repairs are of a poor quality and numerous. We have to give 90 days notice to vacate, the landlord has to give 1 years notice of eviction or rental increase. We have to pay for new contracts.

In the UK where we rent out a property it's a completly different process, there are electrical and gas safety inspections, repairs have to be carried out to a certain standard which are expensive and have to be completed within a certain timescale, our tenants are demanding in regards to what additional work they expect us to carry out, there are endless emails via an agent from tennats demanding their rights to keep pets, despite their initial contract stating 'no pets' or requests to have a perfectly good kitchen replaced as it doesn't suit their needs or they want the rooms repainted to a colour that suits them at our cost. We call thier bluff, we'd rather have the property empty and then pay the council tax than give in to ridicilous demands and have done so. We have to pay an additional 1% on our mortgage for the benefit of renting the property out and our annual tax return forms require additional software to complete and additional costs and we have to register as overseas landlords.

We've now bought a flat, that requires management fees, contents insurance, water, electricty, council tax, tv licence, change address for bank accounts, driving licence, re register for voting etc.

It's not just about the money, we've budgeted for all the above, that part runs smoothly as long as we receive notification and the internet is working. I received a bill with an additional charge for late payment sent through the post and after the post code in capital letters was printed. 'EMAIL CORRESPONDENCE ONLY, DO NOT MAIL' it took me half a day to sort out the late payment charge, which I had to pay electronically and then make a complaint to receive a refund.

The hardest part of maintaining a life in two countries is the not knowing how everything works and having to switch your brain on and off between each country, almost doing a factory reset and constanly unlearning and relearning everything.

There's an assumption that you know how everything is done and that you know where to do it. I don't need a TV licence in Dubai. In South Africa you bought your TV licence when you bought a TV. Your car needs reregistering in Dubai on an annual basis. In the UK, you have MOT, buy insurance and then you can get road tax. In South Africa, you renew your road tax at the post office, no one checks you have insurance and there is no annual road worthy test, that is only performed when you purchase or sell a vehicle.

And no one tells you any of this, no one explains to you how it's all done, either a) everyone is a local and has no idea why anyone wouldn't know how to do all the above or b) everyone has been doing it for years now and has forgotten how hard it was to set up initially.

It's the same for me now when I visit the UK. I'm considering buying a t shirt that reads, I know I sound British, but I actually don't live here and I've no idea how this works, how to do it or where, but it's absolutly pointless.

My Sunday Photo - Week 65. Communication

There's not much that excites me more than real, hand written letters through the post. Sadly not as many arrive as I send out. Four years in South Africa with a postal service that was dodgy to say the least and the recent mess up with our PO Box address in Dubai hasn't helped, but letters do get through eventually. 

Due to being back in work, I've not had the time to write as many letters as I would've liked over the past few months, so I'm spending today and tomorrow, making it a priority. I paid a visit to Hallmark cards and the local supermarket today to purchase new writing paper and several birthday cards, post cards and stamps.

I write to a variety of people, family and friends and a whole bunch of pen friends I've met on twitter and then in real life, including a trip last year to meet one in Canada. My mum and I write regularly with letters crossing over every week. I send postcards and random packages to the adult kids 

The importance of letter writing

I've seen numerous social media updates over christmas where people have posted 'thank you for all the messages, hope you all have a happy christmas and new year, sorry I can't reply to everyone'

Really??? Are you sorry you can't reply to each and everyone? Did you really receive THAT many messages?

'We've made a donation instead of sending christmas cards this year, so happy christmas all'

I hate seeing these updates, I don't mind that you haven't sent me a christmas card, but I do mind if you fail to acknowledge mine, just with a simple message on social media to say 'thanks for the card' and I do mind if you can't take the time to respond to a message or update I've tagged you in or sent directly.

Whether we write with pen and paper or write an update on social media we do it for the interaction, for a response, to share information, photo's of places or family, it's all about communication, which is a two way street.

If I write you a missive (10 page hand written letter) respond to it. As a rule the people I write my missives too send them back even longer, even if it's a typed round robin stuck in a card and not personalised, answer it, respond to it. The sender is looking for a response even if it's just a message on Facebook saying 'thanks for the letter/card' Don't just ignore it, that person has contacted you because they want or even in some cases need the interaction, want a response, want to be part of your lives.

The same goes on face book, don't assume someone's update is just rubbing your nose in things and ignore it, they are proud of theirs and their kids achievements and yes sometimes it may be a little exaggerated but they are looking for a response, give a random like or ignore, no worries. But if they've tagged you in the post it is because they want you to see it, they want a response, they are opening up the doors for communication, don't ignore it.

It's too easy with social media to pretend you're involved in someones life, that you've seen their updates and photo's, but how does that person know that if you don't respond?

People say they are too busy these days to write letters anymore, too busy to go on face book and click 'like' but not busy enough to post their own updates.

For 4 years we lived in South Africa, the Christmas we left the UK, we were homeless, having packed up all our worldly goods, what we hadn't already sold or given away and spent christmas touring the UK saying goodbye to family and friends, before moving 6000 miles away.
Last Christmas we were living in a Hotel in Dubai having moved there 6 days before christmas, but as with previous years we still found the time to write and send christmas cards as well as organise presents.

I've spent my week writing thank you notes, asking people about their Christmas and their plans for the year ahead, despite already having already said thank you on face book.
I've written and will be posting the birthday cards for January next week, February till June birthday cards will be sent back to my mum with one of the kids for her to forward on nearer the time and birthday and easter gifts, small toys for my niece, were taken over in September.

It's easier now the kids are adults they only want cash and as for the Mother's they will have flowers for birthdays and Mothers day, ordered online. They will phone when they arrive.

I don't send gifts, cards and letters to be acknowledged with a big thank you, I send them to show that despite living 1000's of miles away that you are important in my life and I'd like to think I'm important in yours. Sadly this isn't always the case, but I will continue to set the example and hope you follow the lead.

These folders contain every letter and card sent to us as a family since our expat journey began in January 2011. I also photocopy every letter I write before sending it. One day, to future generations, I hope it will be of interest, mapping their great grandparents lives abroad.

Getting ready for Christmas with All Colour Envelopes

Well that's Christmas sorted, presents bought and wrapped, cards written, addressed and stamped. I just need to wait till December 1st and hope my Mother remembers where she's kept everything for safe keeping and hands it out/posts it all on time.

Living in Dubai means I have to be very organised and plan well in advance. My next trip to the UK won't be until June 2016. I travel to the UK twice a year and tend to take birthday cards and presents with me for the next few months as posting is quite expensive, in-between our children come to visit and bring over gifts from family and friends and take stuff back for me for the next set of birthdays. Having lived in South Africa for 4 years prior to this move, 90% of all post went missing, especially anything that looked like it may contain a gift, including cards.

The lovely people at All Colour Envelopes sent a large box to my parents address for me to use for review purposes. Now when I think of envelopes, apart from the ones that come with birthday cards, I picture them to be white or brown and in a variety of sizes, sometimes padded and ones with a hard piece of card to send photos or documents in.

I didn't expect to see so many different sizes, colours and materials. I'd bought my dad an old Roy of the Rovers football annual from 1960. I put it in one of the padded envelopes, used a silver pen and wrote 'To Dad, Happy Birthday, Love Suzanne and Peter' I had no wrapping paper on me, the book was in a recycled plastic bag. I'd only been in the UK a couple of days touring around and hadn't had chance to buy paper to wrap it.

I used the padded envelopes for birthday, new birth, christmas and even an easter gift, which included clothing, jewellery, craft activities and toys. I was able to use a normal biro to write on all of the envelopes and for the darker ones I used a silver pen. For the envelopes that went through the postal system I used a plain sticky label to write the address on.

These envelope were fab to put cash in for 3 of our 5 children, I struggle with internet banking when my UK bank wants to confirm random payments while I'm in Dubai.

I write letters, every week to friends and family across the world. The gold envelope is on it's way to Canada to my friend Catherine who I spent 3 weeks with this summer after 3 years of being pen pals, having met on twitter.

I also wrote and addressed all the UK christmas cards, which I've left in the UK with my mum who will post them on for me in December. The envelopes were white and each one needed licking to seal. All Colour Envelopes were brightly coloured and fitted the selection of cards I had and have a peel off strip to ensure secure sealing of the envelope.

I've been making some scarfs and bags that I'm selling for the charity work I'm doing in South Africa and these small envelopes were great to put a business card in.

Communicating the 'Old Fashioned Way' by letter

I question I get asked a lot when I'm out either drinking coffee or sitting on a bench in a mall is 'Excuse me, are you writing letters?' usually followed by a conversation about how they wished people would write more rather than email or face book and when I suggest maybe they should just write a letter and see what happens, it is usually answered with 'I don't have the time/I don't know what to write'

I'm always writing letters, sending post cards, even when we go on a day trip, but I write far more than I ever receive. There are 3 reasons for this.

1. The post is stolen or binned.
2. Some people seem to think that a 'like' on face book when tagged to say a letter is on the way is communication.
3. Something I hear when asked 'why don't you write back?' is 'I've nothing to say' Well say that then on a postcard, at least I know you've made an effort.

There's nothing more upsetting than having waited 2 weeks to visit the post box to discover it empty and I know I get THAT look from the staff when I check the box sometimes daily on the off chance someone has written me a letter.

I keep every letter written to me since we've been in South Africa, it's a diary of our time here and while not interesting for anyone else right now, maybe in a 100 years it will be. I also add a photo copy of every letter I write back.

I carry a selection of pens and note paper, post cards and stamps in my handbag, as I'm always 'in the middle' of writing a letter to someone.

My Mother writes and we phone weekly, we also chat on face book nearly every day. I send letters, postcards, small gifts back to the children in the UK, the 19yo always acknowledges, but then we chat daily, like I do with my Mother. I have 2 pen pals I met on twitter, One I met 4 years ago, just the once, the other I've yet to meet. We exchange letters with on a regular basis and we also chat on twitter and face book. Sometimes it is difficult to find something to write about that hasn't already been read in a blog post, so these letters are a bit more personal. There are other tweeters I write to and write back, unfortunately letters seem to go missing when leaving or arriving in South Africa and it has become a bit of a challenge to see what gets through and that's half the fun sometimes.

The next batch of letters are being sent back to the UK with they youngest child next week, every time anyone leaves South Africa they are given a pile of post to take with them.

Even before life as an expat, I wrote, sent cards, visited the older generation with a physical photo album.

Do you still write letters? Send birthday cards? Post cards? or do you prefer to use email? Social Media? Send E cards?

How do you communicate with people who don't use the internet, the older generation? Like Aunty Mary for instance?

Am I on my own here?