Why I'm writing to random strangers - Postcards of Kindness

Last year I'm came across this group Postcards of Kindness. The idea came about to write to people in care homes in the UK to combat loneliness and isolation and remind people there is always someone thinking of them. There are over 2000 care homes on the list and the group has over 40,000 members. T

As an expat of 9 years, I've also felt isolated and lonely on a daily basis.

I had my first penpal aged 10, I wrote to my best friend in York after we moved near South Wales, I've still got every letter she sent me up until our early 20's when family life got in the way and our letter writing fizzled out, we reconnected via facebook a few years ago.

I had a few occasional penpals and wrote regularly to older family members, always sending post cards to family and friends from holidays. I write to people around the world I've met online and have even travelled as far as Canada to meet one of my penpals.

In 2011 I started writing letters about our lives abroad, I also keep a copy of all my replies, to form a record for future generations to enjoy.

For me the writing of letters, strange as it may sound is about communication, it amazes me how many letters, cards I send that people don't even bother letting you know they've arrived. I don't expect everyone to write back, or even get an automatic response, but if I get post, I'll message the person on FB, we chat online for a little bit, I write back a week later with fresh news, they respond and we keep in touch.

Many people don't know what to write back, will say their life is boring and they've nothing to tell me, that's fine, they've messaged me with that and hey, we're now communicating.

The purpose of my letter writing to the care homes especially now during Covid-19 and restrictions on visiting, is to provide contact with the outside world and to let others know we're thinking of them. it also provides a great opportunity to open up discussions, share life stories and in some cases the activity of writing a reply. We also have a daughter in care, she's 25 miles from where I am, she can't read, doesn't verbally communicate, but I still write to her regularly, it gives the staff something to talk about, show her the picture on the card and pin on her wall as a reminder that she does have family that care, even if they can't visit or are abroad for most of the year.

These are 2 responses from homes I write to on a regular basis.

So what do I write?

Dear Residents

I hope everyone is well and keeping themselves busy during these strange times.

This week I've been making the most of the weather, doing some gardening and walking my dog up the Malvern Hills.

I've also got a cat, did you have pets? Do you prefer cats or dogs or have another favourite animal?

Do you have a garden where you live? Is gardening an activity you enjoy? 

Have you ever visited Malvern? Where's your favourite place in the UK and why?

Kind regards

Suzanne

Sometimes I'll write about living abroad and ask if they've visited the countries or lived abroad themselves, I'll ask about their travels, favourite foods, tv shows. I'll share my favourites and ask what theirs are.  

I've also started writing letters to our grandchild who is 9 months old. I have very few written words from my grandmother and realised after my fathers death a few years ago the only stuff he had written down were 'to do' lists that I cherish as they are in his hand writing, my mother signed cards and letters on his behalf. I no longer sign cards on behalf of my husband, I ask him to do it himself and will be encouraging him to make notes in a book we have called 'My Grandparents' for future generations to read.

Personal reaction to Covid-19

It's strange how family and friends around the world are experiencing the reactions to Covid-19 and how their governments and their neighbours how people are responding.

This isn't a post about government response or how the spread is being handled, the rights or the wrongs, it's about day to day living.

Dubai closed schools on March the 8th initially for 4 weeks. Within 2 weeks social distancing started, a week later attractions and meeting places were closed down and by week 4, Emirates stopped flying and the borders were closed. A week later a curfew was in place between 8pm and 6am and now you are only allowed to leave your house for essential work and supplies., you must apply for a permit online first.

I arrived in the UK on March 24th, the day before the UK went into lockdown, around the same time as Dubai did, but in a different way.

When I left Dubai on the 24th as a citizen I had to sign a mandatory agreement to go into 14 day isolation in a medical facility upon my return. The previous week, Dubai authorities had closed the E gates. On arrival in the UK, I walked through passport control as usual, through the electronic gates and out.

There was a woman meekly asking if people wanted a leaflet, it offered advice on self isolating if you'd recently visited the countries on the list. The UK, Heathrow T5 missed a valuable opportunity to check where people had travelled from prior to their arrival from Dubai, we were a full plane of passengers in close proximity to one another for 7 hours. No one checked which countries I'd travelled from.

I practised self distancing from my friend who collected me from the airport and kept me safe over night before I made a journey using 3 trains across the country to get home. I had a carriage to myself as the staff on the platforms were advising people to do this.

The second week in March I'd spoken to my son in Australia who made the decision to stay put as he has a job in transport, a car, a flat and a girlfriend. The PM advised no one was to leave the country and some airlines announced they would no longer be flying out of Australia from March till June 14th.

My husband and our 4 boys all are key workers, husband and youngest child can work from home, the other 3 are still going out to work each day. I made the decision to return to the UK as we have a disabled child in the UK, she's not at risk from the virus health wise but she does live in a care home and we were concerned as to what would happen to her should the staffing levels drop, at least with me being here, I could have her home. She requires 24/7 care and supervision, to the extent I would have to take her to the bathroom with me and she would be a risk in the kitchen when I was cooking, but I wouldn't be able to leave her in the front room unsupervised, but I'll manage if I have to. I also came back as the weather is heating up in Dubai and it won't be long before I wouldn't even be able to sit in the garden, also my MIL was house and pet sitting and wanted to get back to her own home.

I've managed to get an online shop for my mother, my niece and her family live in the same town so have been able to pop up with additional supplies when needed, but they're not wanting to go out with 4 small children unless they have to.

I've been to the shops 3 times now for essentials, thankfully I'd stockpiled back in February before I returned to the UK, not because of the virus, but because I knew I wouldn't have a car on my return. All I needed to do was stock up with meat and fruit and veg. I'm also walking the dog on a daily basis but only for a short walk, incase we go into further lockdown like Dubai and I won't be able to take him out.

I've noticed neighbours walking their dog twice a day or taking the dog out in the car to go for a walk, people are going out everyday to pick up food for that evening, rather than just shopping in one go when needed. whilst I appreciate there maybe reasons for this, I'm seeing similar comments being made on social media and in local fb groups. I'm not intending to shame, but I don't think a lot of people have really grasped the size of this pandemic and that it's worldwide and affecting people of all ages.

There seems to be an assumption that as the stores are open people can go in them. I've heard people moan the queues are too long and they're not prepared to wait, people who have visited 3 stores in one day to get a particular brand of food, people over 70 going to the shops daily as it's 'their slot time for shopping' despite having relatives that could shop for them.

It also amazes me how many people seem to think this lock down is personal, that it is only happening like this in the UK and that other countries are managing it better, that the government is at fault for it's spread, that they SHOULD have been told earlier to stay indoors. People were acting with anger at the train station because their train was delayed or cancelled, people are acting in disbelief that this is actually happening but following the guidelines, some blatantly ignoring them, some say it's a government conspiracy.

I appreciate I am fortunate that I don't have to worry about my income, I don't have children to home school, I'm healthy, have a garden and I have more than enough things to do to keep myself occupied with renovating our family home after 9 years of tenants.

I'm following all the guidelines, washing my hands after handling the post, wiping down the bin and door handles for the refuse collectors and the people who deliver the post. I'm using only one pair of shoes and one coat when I go outside and keeping them separate. I'm washing everything that comes into the house and carry wipes, gloves and hand gel with me where ever I go and using it.

My positives:

Getting more work done than I anticipated
Saving money by not going out for coffee everyday
Learning new skills such as tackling a plumbing job and making repairs
Reconnecting with old friends
Grateful for the video online calling services that are blocked in Dubai

My negatives:
Missing my husband and no idea when we'll see each other again
Whole days go by without a real life person to talk to
No one to make me a cup of tea in the morning
No one to cuddle other than the cat and dog
The silence is deafening

What happened to pleases and thank yous?

I like to communicate with people especially outside of social media and I fear the art of communication, the old fashioned way, by writing letters, is a long time dead these days, but that doesn’t stop me from doing it. However I am going to be far more selective in future as to who I send cards, letters and gifts to as I feel this gestures of appreciation, good will and out of care and love are no longer wanted either.

How do I know this? By the lack of response to the physical presence of something turning up through the post that takes, time, care, planning and costs adiitional to the actual gift/card in terms of the time already spent. Compared to the response people will give to a Happy Birthday message left on Facebook, that takes no thought, no planning, no time and of which Facebook will remind you several times a day.

Sending a card through the post or ordering flowers or ensuring a gift arrives in advance has become an accepted thing for me to do. It will just be there, it’s something I always do. But I get absolutely nothing back from it in most cases. It could be said ‘one doesn’t give to receive’ and that is indeed the case, but when I’ve tracked an item at extra cost, received notification it’s been delivered, then wait 3-4 days before I finally contact the person and say ‘hi, did the xxx appear?’I get ‘oh yes it did’

However over those 3-4 days the people who have sent the Facebook messages ‘happy birthday’ have received a ‘like’ or a ❤️ in response. And I’ve had NOTHING/ZERO/ZILCH.

I have no idea why people do this. Maybe it’s because people genuinely don’t see why they should say thank you, they know you’ve tracked the item, therefore you know it’s arrived. Maybe they feel it’s a right, an entitlement, maybe it’s because they’re just so busy they don’t have time in their day to pick up their phone and say ‘hey Suzanne, thanks for the flowers/card/gift that arrived this morning/yesterday. It was really kind of you, the flowers are beautiful’ . Maybe they feel if they do that they’ll be expected to do the same back? I don’t know because when I ask them in several messages that I can see they’ve read, they finally answer with ‘yes, it did arrive’

My feedback suggests, me spending money is expected, me sending cards and arranging gifts to arrive on time is just what I do and there’s absolutely no need to acknowledge receipt or heaven forbid actually say thank you. So from now on, it’s just not happenening.

If you’ve got a good enough excuse why you can’t say thanks, let alone send me a card for my birthday or even send a message in Facebook at the beginning of the day rather than at the end when you realize ‘shit, I best send a message’ then it obviously doesn’t matter to you that much and therefore it doesn’t matter to me either. So I’ll just save myself the stress, the upset and the money and just not bother from now on.

It’s not about my expectations of a gift in exchange, it’s about politeness and good manners and more importantly when you live 1000’s ofmiles away it’s about keeping the avenues of communication open. A two way exchange, a response, not just a thank you or showing gratitude.

Writing letters: The art of communicating the old fashioned way.

In a post last week I wrote about why I share what I do online, mainly because I'm looking for interaction, sadly I just don't get the response a lot of the time that I'm after. For me, communication is a two way process and a 'like' on facebook just doesn't cut it for me. Since Skype was blocked this year in the UAE, verbal communication has come to a halt, to be honest that was pretty much one way anyway and I don't think our land line rings more than twice a year, we randomly call it just to make sure it is working.

At 46, I'm of the generation that can't live without the internet, but I also know how to live and survive without it. I also have many relatives who don't use social media and being from the generation where I wrote thank you cards for birthday and Christmas presents, I love to write and receive letters and since leaving the UK 7 years ago this month, I've been corresponding with family and friends all over the world. I have pen pals from the world of twitter who I've never met but we write on a regular basis and some of these friendships have had me traveling for meet ups, with my furthest distance travelled to date being a 14 hour flight from Dubai to Toronto to stay with Catherine and her family, known as Always a Redhead.

My two oldest pen pals are an old school friend, Sharron and I keep a shoe box of her letters from when we were 11 and I moved away up until we stopped writing around the age of 19 when boyfriends, work and children came along, but we're still in touch on face book. My other pen pal is my Dad's cousin's daughter Carol and despite us being on face book, we still change physical Christmas cards every year.

The postal system is much improved since moving to Dubai from South Africa where sadly most letters rarely made it in or out, but you'd be surprised with a bit of determination what you could do and I value those people who made extreme efforts and at great costs to keep those avenues of communication open and in fact still do.

A friends mother once stuck a UK 2nd class stamp on a Christmas card and it arrived in South Africa within 5 days, a cousin in Australia addressed the envelope as below and it arrived in under 2 weeks.

31 Valley Crescent

Centurion

Africa

I have my favourite writing spot.

I have a variety of novelty pens.

I keep every letter written and a copy of every letter I send.

I walk to the post office in temps of 40c+ to get your letter or card to you.

I have a box full of note books, I use for blogging, pretty covers and inspirational quotes.

I have cards for every occasions and I have lots of paper.

I keep a record of birthdays, anniversaries and deaths and make sure cards and gifts get to people on time, even if it means leaving them in the UK with my mother months in advance. sadly this doesn't always work in reverse and it does upset. Too many excuses about lack of time, advance planning, the cost of postage and why bother if it's not going to get there.

But those who matter do make the effort, for which I am eternally grateful.

How about you? Do you like to receive post? Do you send letters and cards through the post? Do you have pen pals? Would you like another one?

Just drop me your address in a message on Social Media, I'm found under the name of Chickenruby on twitter, instagram and face book. I'd love to hear from you and add you to my address book.

My Sunday Photo - Week 65. Communication

There's not much that excites me more than real, hand written letters through the post. Sadly not as many arrive as I send out. Four years in South Africa with a postal service that was dodgy to say the least and the recent mess up with our PO Box address in Dubai hasn't helped, but letters do get through eventually. 

Due to being back in work, I've not had the time to write as many letters as I would've liked over the past few months, so I'm spending today and tomorrow, making it a priority. I paid a visit to Hallmark cards and the local supermarket today to purchase new writing paper and several birthday cards, post cards and stamps.

I write to a variety of people, family and friends and a whole bunch of pen friends I've met on twitter and then in real life, including a trip last year to meet one in Canada. My mum and I write regularly with letters crossing over every week. I send postcards and random packages to the adult kids 

The importance of letter writing

I've seen numerous social media updates over christmas where people have posted 'thank you for all the messages, hope you all have a happy christmas and new year, sorry I can't reply to everyone'

Really??? Are you sorry you can't reply to each and everyone? Did you really receive THAT many messages?

'We've made a donation instead of sending christmas cards this year, so happy christmas all'

I hate seeing these updates, I don't mind that you haven't sent me a christmas card, but I do mind if you fail to acknowledge mine, just with a simple message on social media to say 'thanks for the card' and I do mind if you can't take the time to respond to a message or update I've tagged you in or sent directly.

Whether we write with pen and paper or write an update on social media we do it for the interaction, for a response, to share information, photo's of places or family, it's all about communication, which is a two way street.

If I write you a missive (10 page hand written letter) respond to it. As a rule the people I write my missives too send them back even longer, even if it's a typed round robin stuck in a card and not personalised, answer it, respond to it. The sender is looking for a response even if it's just a message on Facebook saying 'thanks for the letter/card' Don't just ignore it, that person has contacted you because they want or even in some cases need the interaction, want a response, want to be part of your lives.

The same goes on face book, don't assume someone's update is just rubbing your nose in things and ignore it, they are proud of theirs and their kids achievements and yes sometimes it may be a little exaggerated but they are looking for a response, give a random like or ignore, no worries. But if they've tagged you in the post it is because they want you to see it, they want a response, they are opening up the doors for communication, don't ignore it.

It's too easy with social media to pretend you're involved in someones life, that you've seen their updates and photo's, but how does that person know that if you don't respond?

People say they are too busy these days to write letters anymore, too busy to go on face book and click 'like' but not busy enough to post their own updates.

For 4 years we lived in South Africa, the Christmas we left the UK, we were homeless, having packed up all our worldly goods, what we hadn't already sold or given away and spent christmas touring the UK saying goodbye to family and friends, before moving 6000 miles away.
Last Christmas we were living in a Hotel in Dubai having moved there 6 days before christmas, but as with previous years we still found the time to write and send christmas cards as well as organise presents.

I've spent my week writing thank you notes, asking people about their Christmas and their plans for the year ahead, despite already having already said thank you on face book.
I've written and will be posting the birthday cards for January next week, February till June birthday cards will be sent back to my mum with one of the kids for her to forward on nearer the time and birthday and easter gifts, small toys for my niece, were taken over in September.

It's easier now the kids are adults they only want cash and as for the Mother's they will have flowers for birthdays and Mothers day, ordered online. They will phone when they arrive.

I don't send gifts, cards and letters to be acknowledged with a big thank you, I send them to show that despite living 1000's of miles away that you are important in my life and I'd like to think I'm important in yours. Sadly this isn't always the case, but I will continue to set the example and hope you follow the lead.

These folders contain every letter and card sent to us as a family since our expat journey began in January 2011. I also photocopy every letter I write before sending it. One day, to future generations, I hope it will be of interest, mapping their great grandparents lives abroad.

Getting ready for Christmas with All Colour Envelopes

Well that's Christmas sorted, presents bought and wrapped, cards written, addressed and stamped. I just need to wait till December 1st and hope my Mother remembers where she's kept everything for safe keeping and hands it out/posts it all on time.

Living in Dubai means I have to be very organised and plan well in advance. My next trip to the UK won't be until June 2016. I travel to the UK twice a year and tend to take birthday cards and presents with me for the next few months as posting is quite expensive, in-between our children come to visit and bring over gifts from family and friends and take stuff back for me for the next set of birthdays. Having lived in South Africa for 4 years prior to this move, 90% of all post went missing, especially anything that looked like it may contain a gift, including cards.

The lovely people at All Colour Envelopes sent a large box to my parents address for me to use for review purposes. Now when I think of envelopes, apart from the ones that come with birthday cards, I picture them to be white or brown and in a variety of sizes, sometimes padded and ones with a hard piece of card to send photos or documents in.

I didn't expect to see so many different sizes, colours and materials. I'd bought my dad an old Roy of the Rovers football annual from 1960. I put it in one of the padded envelopes, used a silver pen and wrote 'To Dad, Happy Birthday, Love Suzanne and Peter' I had no wrapping paper on me, the book was in a recycled plastic bag. I'd only been in the UK a couple of days touring around and hadn't had chance to buy paper to wrap it.

I used the padded envelopes for birthday, new birth, christmas and even an easter gift, which included clothing, jewellery, craft activities and toys. I was able to use a normal biro to write on all of the envelopes and for the darker ones I used a silver pen. For the envelopes that went through the postal system I used a plain sticky label to write the address on.

These envelope were fab to put cash in for 3 of our 5 children, I struggle with internet banking when my UK bank wants to confirm random payments while I'm in Dubai.

I write letters, every week to friends and family across the world. The gold envelope is on it's way to Canada to my friend Catherine who I spent 3 weeks with this summer after 3 years of being pen pals, having met on twitter.

I also wrote and addressed all the UK christmas cards, which I've left in the UK with my mum who will post them on for me in December. The envelopes were white and each one needed licking to seal. All Colour Envelopes were brightly coloured and fitted the selection of cards I had and have a peel off strip to ensure secure sealing of the envelope.

I've been making some scarfs and bags that I'm selling for the charity work I'm doing in South Africa and these small envelopes were great to put a business card in.

Communicating the 'Old Fashioned Way' by letter

I question I get asked a lot when I'm out either drinking coffee or sitting on a bench in a mall is 'Excuse me, are you writing letters?' usually followed by a conversation about how they wished people would write more rather than email or face book and when I suggest maybe they should just write a letter and see what happens, it is usually answered with 'I don't have the time/I don't know what to write'

I'm always writing letters, sending post cards, even when we go on a day trip, but I write far more than I ever receive. There are 3 reasons for this.

1. The post is stolen or binned.
2. Some people seem to think that a 'like' on face book when tagged to say a letter is on the way is communication.
3. Something I hear when asked 'why don't you write back?' is 'I've nothing to say' Well say that then on a postcard, at least I know you've made an effort.

There's nothing more upsetting than having waited 2 weeks to visit the post box to discover it empty and I know I get THAT look from the staff when I check the box sometimes daily on the off chance someone has written me a letter.

I keep every letter written to me since we've been in South Africa, it's a diary of our time here and while not interesting for anyone else right now, maybe in a 100 years it will be. I also add a photo copy of every letter I write back.

I carry a selection of pens and note paper, post cards and stamps in my handbag, as I'm always 'in the middle' of writing a letter to someone.

My Mother writes and we phone weekly, we also chat on face book nearly every day. I send letters, postcards, small gifts back to the children in the UK, the 19yo always acknowledges, but then we chat daily, like I do with my Mother. I have 2 pen pals I met on twitter, One I met 4 years ago, just the once, the other I've yet to meet. We exchange letters with on a regular basis and we also chat on twitter and face book. Sometimes it is difficult to find something to write about that hasn't already been read in a blog post, so these letters are a bit more personal. There are other tweeters I write to and write back, unfortunately letters seem to go missing when leaving or arriving in South Africa and it has become a bit of a challenge to see what gets through and that's half the fun sometimes.

The next batch of letters are being sent back to the UK with they youngest child next week, every time anyone leaves South Africa they are given a pile of post to take with them.

Even before life as an expat, I wrote, sent cards, visited the older generation with a physical photo album.

Do you still write letters? Send birthday cards? Post cards? or do you prefer to use email? Social Media? Send E cards?

How do you communicate with people who don't use the internet, the older generation? Like Aunty Mary for instance?

Am I on my own here?

How often to you speak with your kids?

My kids all live in the UK. The eldest is disabled and doesn't speak, nor does she pay much attention to a computer screen or even recognise us.
The next one doesn't really 'do' internet and despite having an email address, a Facebook account and a mobile phone, he never uses them, so sending messages or ringing him, it could be months before he picks them up.
The middle child does respond to text and Facebook messages, but rarely makes contact with us outside of Christmas, Birthdays and Mother/Father's day.
The 2nd youngest is on twitter, Facebook, instagram and we chat daily, comment on each others pictures and updates and Skype often.
The youngest is in boarding school, Facebook etc is filtered through the school's wifi and 3G is almost none exsistant as the walls of the school are very thick and the location is remote, although I can see he's seen the whats app pictures and comments I send him, although he rarely replies. I do phone him on his mobile once a week but he only replies if he happens to be somewhere where there is reception and the call is usually cut off.

I send postcards but the boys always say 'don't bother Mum' or 'I'd rather you didn't as it gets read by everyone first'. I send letters with small gifts or money, but I rarely hear if they've received it.

I did get a post card from the middle child a few weeks ago, but only because he girl friend made him.

The thing is, it doesn't bother or upset me, the kids don't mind either, or so they say. I visit the UK twice a year, they come here once or twice a year and they have family in the UK, cousins, aunts, uncles etc that they spend most of their time with and the 2 eldest boys are in serious relationships so MUM is way down the pecking order anyway.

Why wont London 2012 just give me an answer

Over a month since I wrote this post, 2 weeks after the Olympics ended and 2 days after the paralympics begin and my application as a games maker is still 'under review' how hard is it to send out an email to say 'thanks'



I don’t expect to be given a role as a games maker at this stage in the day, but I do expect some communication from London 2012. If I am offered a role it will cost me the best part of £3000 in flights, accommodation, travel and living expenses.
I volunteered as a Games maker for the London Olympics 2 years ago. Since then I’ve been told I have an interview, moved to South Africa, had a telephone interview. Not been notified by April 30th as promised, instead sent an email on May 4th to say, please be patient ‘we’ll let you know by June 30th’.
During that time my application for the main games was withdrawn, it took until July 5th to have it reinstated. The same day I received another email to say ‘thanks for your patience we will be in touch’
Since then I’ve emailed to which I’ve only received an automated response and telephoned to ask for further info and to explain I’m based in South Africa, I need to book flights, accommodation all, if still available, at considerable cost to myself.
I’m not expecting a role, I’d just like to know what my situation is. On Friday 20th July, I was informed I’m one of about 100 people still waiting to be allocated a role and may get an offer of the Paralympics. Today 23rd July I’m told that the area I’ve been assigned to has been notified of my keenness and the unanswered emails have been addressed with the relevant department. I am now on my 3rd Case ID number since July 2nd.
The games maker zone has not been updated, I check regularly, that’s how I found out my application had been deleted. There is no contact.
I have now missed out on the opportunity to purchase tickets for the London 2012 Olympics as I could not afford to fly to the UK for the games and then either stay for 6 weeks if I got offered a role at the Paralympics or pay for a return flight should I be notified late in the day. My adult son in the UK is attending the technical rehearsal tonight with a ticket I was given as a sweetner.
I’m not expecting a role; I am concerned that I may have missed out on a role while my application showed as withdrawn. My husband has cancelled an important meeting in Europe due to the uncertainty of a role at the Olympics as we have no child care or family in South Africa and cannot afford to pay for the children to return to the UK at the same time.
I’ve had 600+ hits on this blog since 5th July. 163 hits on this blog since 20th July. Yet I get no response from London 2012. Can you help?

I guess we're just not that important

Now before you go getting all indigent with me and start saying 'what about......? what I'm trying to say here, is that life moves on. Moves on for those who leave and start new lives and moves on for those that have stayed behind.

Yet you haven't choosen to stay behind in the same sense we've chosen to move on. We haven't moved on because our lives were boring and going no where, we moved on because we were given an opportunity, we didn't seek it, we weren't being brave taking such a big step, someoone called us and said 'hey do you fancy living and working in South Africa?'

So we set off 4 months later on a new advventure, no expectations, some big disappointments, a lot of upheavel and many, many tears.

At first contact with home was vitle, post, internett, phone calls, we craved it, we encouraged people to write, we sent gifts as an incentive to get replies and we just plain gave up on some people. We have been pleasantly surprised by others with the time, effort and finance to make us feel like we are still part of their lives and still of importance and value in their lives and you just don't realise how much we appreciate and love you all.

It only neeeds too be a post card, a tweet out of the blue to say 'how you doing?' a messaage on facebook where you've contacted me first, rather than me having to say 'hi' all the time or a box of pg tips for that little touch of home.

I know many more of you have written and I have no idea where this post has got to and I discovered in December back in the UK that a lot of you thought I couldn't be arsed to reply and made an effort to contact me via email.

But it's all died down now, everyone has moved on, the excitement having family and friends in Africa has worn off. I'm sure you can find 5 minutes out of your day to reply to my emails at the very least and it only takes a few seconds to click 'like' on a facebook posting.

Our lives have changed beyond recognition now and I know it would be hard for us just to slip back into your life again, but please don't forget about us, we are a little isolated here and I know it was our choice to move but we didn't intend on forgeting about you all, so don't forget us, after all we do make an excellent holiday destination.

Unbelievable parenting?

A good few years ago, I drove my friend, her daughter and daughters best friend to the bowling alley in Newport. On route we picked up the girls 'boy' friends, they were all aged 14.

On arrival in Newport one of the boys gave me an enverlope containing a tablet which he stated he must have at noon. 'Oh I say, is it a antibiotic?' he replies 'no, it's ritalin, I've got ADHD and as long as YOU give me my medication, I'll be fine.'

Now to me that is NOT acceptable, you DO NOT send a child off with people you hardly know without imparting information like that.

There was another time at one of the kids birthday parties, I know the children, all 30 of them, were aged between 5 & 7. All dropped off by parents, some didn't even show their faces. At the end of the 2 hour party one parent said 'was ..... ok as i forgot to leave his inhaler, he's got bad asthma' and another asked if their son had been OK as he had recently been diagnosed with eplipsy.

OK, OK, OK I happen to know what to do if someone is epileptic and has a seizure and fortunatley my teaching background is Autism and ADHD, but it is very wrong of a parent NOT to mention this, when trusting your child into their care.

Today I get a phone call from school, I'm supposed to be having ..... to sleep over for the weekend. Nope not happening, he has his weekend bag and is waiting for me to collect him as his parents are away. Sorry, but the child asked several weeks ago if he could stay over and I said 'here is my telephone number, your parents have to call me first and I will need your medical aid number. (I'm not prepared to pay for a child who injures himself then have the difficulty of claiming the money back from the parents)

The child's parents never called me, yet they sent their son to school this morning, knowing they would be away for the weekend without calling me to check it is ok. The child did stay over for one night last year after he fell out with the child he was staying with while his oarents were away and turned up at our house asking to sleep over. He gave me his parents number but they failed to reply so I went to see the people he was supposed to be staying with to discover they had gone out and left this child. When I finally got hold of the dad, he told me he was away and as long as his son stayed in the estate till Friday he didn't mind where he slept.

My son and his friend are 12/13.

I polietly informed the school that the child was currently their responsibility, they agreed with me in reagards to my reasons for the child not sleeping over.

Now the big Q's... Would/Do you inform other parents of a disability/illness/physical or medical need when dropping your child at a party?

Do you insist on meeting the parents or at the very least speak to them on the phone before allowing a sleep over?

My other son has a friend sleeping over tonight...the parents sent a SMS/Text to confirm I was aware of these plans...they are both 17.

Dealing with a complaint, during and after the event

If you pay a company a large sum of money to move your belongings to the other side of the world, where do you think their responsibilty ends?

The moment they take your money or the moment your belongings arrive are unpacked and checked for breakages.

We paid an agent with Britannia Movers the best part of £4,000 to quote, pack, insure, ship, provide necessary paperwork for customs, pay all fees relating to the move, contact the agent this end and should our container disappear answer the bloody emails within 5 working days to help...no scrub that, not help...do the job we paid them for.

So when the agent in the UK doesn't respond within 5 days (granted 2 of the days were a weekend) fails to notify you your container has reached customs and now customs want to charge you for storage, fail to tell the agents this end where they are delivering to and you end up driving between johannesburg and Pretoria with a customs forms in triplicate, finding witnesses to sign the forms also, all without a car, a sat nav and the realistic fear of crime in South Africa , having only been in the country 8 weeks. What do you do?

You email Britannia-Movers that's what.

Oh don't get your hopes up, they replied with 'we've contacted the UK agents and they say all is good' you then reply with 'all isn't good, I don't know where my container is' and get OUT OF OFFICE MESSAGE.

So 9 months on, this has been simmering, as per bloody usual I just got on with it, fed and entertained 8 removsl men who turned up at my hpouse for 2 days on the row ready to unpack a container that had disappeared.

I emailled Britannia-Movers again today...this is their response and my reply....please note they copied in the UK agent.


Dear Mr and Mrs *****,

Thank you for your email today. We have reviewed your file and can revert as follows.



We forwarded your e-mails to Britannia ******** whose responsibility it was to answer their customer’s complaint and who assured us at the time that they had addressed the issues that you raised in your original complaint (as per email exchange with Britannia ******** hereafter).



Britannia ******** feel that the issues you raised shortly after your removal were addressed to the best of their ability and we are sorry that you felt you had to write to us again.



We would like to take this opportunity to wish you well for the future.



Yours sincerely,




******
Your response is less than satisfactory, you and ******** may feel you dealt with our complaints at the time but your lack of getting back to me, your assumption that ******** had dealt with the issues raised is less than professional. Copying ******** in on your response is unprofessional, I raised the issue with you and your lack of response, your lack of committment to worldwide customers.
I would like you to provide me with your line managers email address to enable me to take this matter up at a higher level.
Suzanne *****