Leaving South Africa Part 2

What will I miss about South Africa?

In no particular order

Freedom

Choices

Way of life

Empty open roads

People

Calmness

Safaris

Cost of living

Friends

Volunteer work

Meals out and always being able to get a table and not being rushed out the retaurant

The Gym

Medical Aid

What I won’t miss about South Africa

In no particular order

Internet speed

Power cuts

Fear of crime

When people say Now or now, now and just now and you have NO idea of what they mean

When people walk away from you when you ask a question (Government departments)

Leaving South Africa Part 1

When we moved to South Africa in January 2011 we had no idea how long we'd be staying for, other than we had a 2 year visa and we were hoping for a minimum 3 year stay to ensure the eldest child with us, completed his education.

Within the 1st 6 weeks we nearly moved back on more than a few occasions, but this was due to lack of support and help.

We knew before we moved here, that it wouldn't be our 'forever' home, but I never realised how much it would become 'home' for me.

We don't own property here, all the children and families are back in the UK, I don't have a job, but I have my voluntary work, friends, community, a sense of belonging and there will come a time when we have to say goodbye to that and move somewhere new and start again.

We have no idea when we'll be leaving or even where we'll go. Will we remain expats? Will we return to the UK? Whatever happens, when we leave South Africa, we'll leave a little bit of us behind.

When we left the UK, we knew we'd return, for visits and one day to live back there again, but when we leave South Africa there will be no going back. Yes we'll visit and have holidays, but it won't be the same. For starters we won't have visas, so our maximum stay will be 90 days and with that no bank accounts and no proof of residency a lot of the things we've benefited from such as annual membership with SAN Parks at a very good rate will no longer apply, gym membership, medical aid, etc. We will never live there again, we will only ever visit.

That makes me very sad to know that a country we embraced, called home for nearly 4 years, will no longer be home to us.

Talk to your teen about alcohol with South Africa Breweries

I was invited by South Africa Breweries to take part in their 18+ campaign to educate children and teenagers about the dangers of drinking. I was given a gift voucher to exchange for an experience with my teen to use the time to discuss the subject of alcohol with him.

It was a 2 hour drive each way from Pretoria. The teen has had a busy visit to South Africa for his school holidays. After a 12 hour flight from the UK I bundled him on the Shosholoza Myel Train to Cape Town which took 28 hours. We had an amazing trip there and flew back 4 days later. We then visited St Lucia for a week, up near the Mozambique border, which was a 7 hour drive each way. The rest of the holiday the teen has spent in bed until after midday and has refused all efforts to come out with us proclaiming that he is on holiday and he just wants to watch TV and chill out, which is fair.

So after discussions and negotiations we opted as a family to go on a Segway tour of the lake and golf course at Sun City.

It’s a 2 hour drive to Sun City and as with all our trips there has been plenty of time for discussions about school, life in general and possible future moves. As expats we trust our sons boarding school to not only educate him but also to nurture, support and provide him with social activities and some sort of family life.

The teen knew the purpose of the trip with SAB and we opted to talk with him about peer pressure, unsupervised visits into town on weekends, whether alcohol was an issue in his school and who he could and would talk to if he had any worries about life in general.

You can read more here about the campaign, how to empower your child to say NO to underage drinking, how to start the conversation, alcohol responsibility at social gatherings, signs your child is drinking and do you agree that teens should wait till they are 18 before drinking? 

As parents we are satisfied there are no concerns about alcohol at his school and we are very fortunate that the school is open and honest with us. There was an issue with drugs in the 6^th form and it was dealt with quickly and efficiently and parents were informed about what steps would be taken and resulted in expulsion for those concerned, so we have no worries about the school not informing us if there were issues round students drinking.

Unfortunately on arrival at Sun City we were greeted by a man handing out leaflets for a free beer and our son was given one, but he gave it straight to us and said he found it rather funny that someone did that and then was pleased as he thought it made him look 18, my husband showed him that the leaflet could be exchanged for soft drinks also, but we didn’t take up the offer.

After a short introduction to riding a Segway, hubby and son had previously been on one, we set off around the lake and golf course at a slow and steady speed. My son and I had bets on as to how long it would be before hubby fell off, but it was me who took a tumble and I also spent 5 minutes waiting to be rescued after failing to move in any direction, staring at a tree.

The tour only lasted an hour, but we had lunch and coffees, a walk round the grounds and a trip in the elevator to see the views. We didn’t get to take many photos at it wasn’t easy to balance, travel at speed and focus a camera.

We would do it again, maybe find somewhere a bit closer to home.

My Sunday Photo - Goodbyes

Think life as an expat is fantastic? There are moments like this when we have to say goodbye that I'd happily give it all up. My 15yo has grown up so much over the past year and I'm so proud of him making these long haul flights on his own.

#MySundayPhoto - Never work with animals or children

My Ice Bucket Challenge with a twist

Donation made to South African MNDA 

Judas Scar by Amanda Jennings – Book review

I hate reading books that make me think. I like to switch off, usually preferring ‘chick lit’ and crime novels, where there is a conclusion, no matter how ridiculous. But this book made me think, it made me want to know more, it’s left me thinking about Will and Harmony’s future and can’t help but think it won’t be a happy one.

I read Sworn Secrets, Amanda’s 1^st novel and you can read the review here.

Judas Scar revisits the past, raking up memories of boarding school that Will thought and hoped he had left firmly behind him. Combined with problems in his marriage, the apparent accidental, meeting with Luke, his old school friend, to his wife Harmony which appears to cause an irreparable rift in his marriage.

Will never dealt with his past, his child hood, his relationship with his Father, what he witnessed at boarding school and it has damaged his present and his future. Believing he can live a normal life without realizing how the past has shaped his present.

Cover ups, lies and deception weave through the plot with each character justifying the decisions they made, both in the past and in the present, leading to a death, an arrest, a cover up to prevent fraud coming to light and a reconciliation that left me wanting to know more, pondering how Will and Harmony’s marriage and future could possibly survive the decisions they have made.

Communicating the 'Old Fashioned Way' by letter

I question I get asked a lot when I'm out either drinking coffee or sitting on a bench in a mall is 'Excuse me, are you writing letters?' usually followed by a conversation about how they wished people would write more rather than email or face book and when I suggest maybe they should just write a letter and see what happens, it is usually answered with 'I don't have the time/I don't know what to write'

I'm always writing letters, sending post cards, even when we go on a day trip, but I write far more than I ever receive. There are 3 reasons for this.

1. The post is stolen or binned.
2. Some people seem to think that a 'like' on face book when tagged to say a letter is on the way is communication.
3. Something I hear when asked 'why don't you write back?' is 'I've nothing to say' Well say that then on a postcard, at least I know you've made an effort.

There's nothing more upsetting than having waited 2 weeks to visit the post box to discover it empty and I know I get THAT look from the staff when I check the box sometimes daily on the off chance someone has written me a letter.

I keep every letter written to me since we've been in South Africa, it's a diary of our time here and while not interesting for anyone else right now, maybe in a 100 years it will be. I also add a photo copy of every letter I write back.

I carry a selection of pens and note paper, post cards and stamps in my handbag, as I'm always 'in the middle' of writing a letter to someone.

My Mother writes and we phone weekly, we also chat on face book nearly every day. I send letters, postcards, small gifts back to the children in the UK, the 19yo always acknowledges, but then we chat daily, like I do with my Mother. I have 2 pen pals I met on twitter, One I met 4 years ago, just the once, the other I've yet to meet. We exchange letters with on a regular basis and we also chat on twitter and face book. Sometimes it is difficult to find something to write about that hasn't already been read in a blog post, so these letters are a bit more personal. There are other tweeters I write to and write back, unfortunately letters seem to go missing when leaving or arriving in South Africa and it has become a bit of a challenge to see what gets through and that's half the fun sometimes.

The next batch of letters are being sent back to the UK with they youngest child next week, every time anyone leaves South Africa they are given a pile of post to take with them.

Even before life as an expat, I wrote, sent cards, visited the older generation with a physical photo album.

Do you still write letters? Send birthday cards? Post cards? or do you prefer to use email? Social Media? Send E cards?

How do you communicate with people who don't use the internet, the older generation? Like Aunty Mary for instance?

Am I on my own here?

‘Do you agree that teens should wait until they are at least 18 before drinking alcohol?

@SABreweries asked ‘Do you agree that teens should wait until they are at least 18 before drinking alcohol? Join the conversation #SAB18plus’

There are many opposing answers to this question, the law in South Africa says that No alcohol is to be drunk or purchased by under 18’s. In the UK this law differs and states that Children over the age of 5 may consume alcohol at a private venue.

We have never given permission for our children to drink alcohol at any age and even as adults we still advise on the amount they consume.

We have allowed our children to taste alcohol in the home; we often have a glass of wine with dinner, a beer and have parties where larger amounts of alcohol are drunk. But what we don’t do is give our children their own alcohol to drink. Once child 3 of 5, then aged 13, asked to taste some of hubbies wine, he took a small sip, spat it out over the carpet and sofa, he then shuddered and drunk copious amounts of water, it was Port. Child 2 of 5 used to tell us he had been offered alcohol by friend’s parents when he had visited, but had declined it, as he knew we would make contact with the adults, read the riot act and probably embarrass him in front of his friends.

On holiday this week, I ordered a cocktail, a Blue Lagoon, it contains vodka, curacao and lemonade, it was garnished with an umbrella, slice of pineapple and the rim of the glass was coated with a pink sugar. The teen, child 5 of 5, aged 15, without warning, took a large sip through the straw and declared ‘this is nice, is it mine?’ to which I replied ‘no it’s not, it’s alcohol’ he informed me it didn’t taste like alcohol, he’d tasted our wine and beer in the past and decided that it was disgusting’

There is no such thing as ‘soft alcohol’ an ‘introduction to alcohol’ as many of my friends have said about letting their children drink at home and at parties.

Cocktails and drinks with fruits in them don’t always taste of alcohol and the drinker is unaware of how much they are consuming. As an adult I find that I drink these types of drinks, quicker and more often as I cannot taste the alcohol content, as an adult if I am misled by the amount of alcohol I am consuming then I don’t think under 18’s can be aware, especially if their parents say it is OK to do so, what happens when their parents aren’t there?