Being a SAHM does not mean I've lost my idenity

I'm not a SAHM through choice, our move to South Africa has forced it upon me, I can volunteer, I can continue with my studies...yeah I love jumping through hoops. I can blog, tidy up the photo albums, do crafts, paint my nails, go out for coffee, relax in/by the pool, tidy and rearrange the house within an inch of it's life....but it's not my thing...not really. But a year on, I'm starting to embrace it.

I've worked full time since 1988, minus 3 short breaks on maternity leave, periods of unemployment due to health/injuries at work, moving house and inheriting 2 step children, but when I've not been working, I've been studying.

But last year it all went, I became a SAHM, I'm not a yummy muumy or even a MILF (flattered by those over 18 that have called me one though) I'm not even sure I qualify as a SAHM as my kids were 12 & 16 when this happened, it's been years since I've labelled clothes, sent in spare pants to school, just in case, attended open evenings or gone within a 3 mile radius of a PTA without copious amounts of wine and only then because a friend has twisted my arm to help them as they've taken too much on 'you're so good at this, plurease'

I don't classify myself as a yummy mummy, I don't get my nails done, meet with the ladies for lunch, hold little charity events and being the owner of a Radley handbag and Birkenstocks does not elevate me into the ranks of a MILF.

So what am I?

According to the school information sheet I'm a Home Excutive...nah, that's not me either, I juggle time tables, lift shares, homework, but we don't have a maid, I do my own cleaning and ironing and to be honest the gardener we employ one day a week feels like I'm offering a community service.

I was saddened this week to read tweets and a blog by someone who thought being a SAHM was unimportant, having not signed up to it when they married/had children. I don't resent being at home all day, having given up a career lecturing and working in child welfare, stopping my studies, moving away from family and friends...I just worry about the future me, what becomes of me when the last child leaves home, if we return to the UK or move to another country, I'm 40 years of age, soon the world will have past me by and I'll not be fit for the workplace.

So what can I do about it?

Well, I still have to be here for the kids from school and run them to their various activities, cook clean, wash, iron and be chief bottle washer, but I can still broaden my horizons, I can read, I can study my area of expertise, I can keep up to date with current issues and I can use my skills to volunteer in a worthy area, I've been touting for 'work' (no one will pay me http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Economic_Empowerment ) I can build up a worthy CV of my time and experience in South Africa to put to use in the future.

But the one think I understand about being a SAHM, the one thing that gets to me, that causes me the most grief, is the isolation, the feeling of having no value and every day I fend the question 'So what does your husband do for work?'

I'm really grooving now

#groovingmums is the inspiration of @netcurtains over on Kateonthinice.

This blog hop is in it's 7th week and there are a whole lot of people sharing their stories of why they need to get their groove back and what they are doing to find it.

Kate sets a task/challenge to do something new each week. I'm limited with my access to the interent and can't always complete the challenges.

This weeks challenges are Body art - do something different, paint your nails, get your hair done, wear make up and embrace your spiritual side. I'm also going to meet a previous challenge by the posting of the above picture.

I lost my groove 9 months ago when I left the UK with 2 of our children and my hubby to live in South Africa, it is challenging, it is lonely and it is my first experience of living abroad so I have nothing to compare it with. I have alot of spare time now, more time than I know what to do with myself since I gave up work and studies to move here. Most days I change the polish on my toe nails, file my finger nails, do my hair and apply make up. At first it was such a luxury to have the time to do all of this, but since joining the gym, I've given up with it now unless I'm going somewhere and letting my skin rest during the day when I'm at the gym or home. The picture above is just me, plain old me. I've never been too bothered if I've needed to pop to the shops or get out the car at school or even go to work without make up, but after all this time of applying it every morning it does feel a little strange to be bare faced again.

My spiritual side is a little more difficult to locate, I'm not a church goer any more. As a child I was sent to a Methodist church and I loved it, as a young adult I went to a baptist church as it was within walking distance of where I lived in the middle of nowhere and as a grown up Mother I attended a C of E church. Up until I met my husband 12 years ago, who as the Father of a disabled child, had experienced many comments from religious people how God had rewarded them with a perfect, healthy child as they were free from sin. I sort of lost faith after hearing that myself many times and I lapsed. I was however confirmed about 13 years ago and I do take communion and have been a witness at Adult and Child baptisims and 1st Communions. South Africa is a very religious country and as an inquisitive person I do ask people about their faith/retreats/religion.

Anyway, back to getting my groove back....by having a routine.

I'm timetabled, hubby did it....

he looked at what I needed to do for the week, bank, post office, driving licence and tyre pressure valve and using the family planner he jotted them down in no particular order and made sure I planned a trip to the gym every day for what has become my daily mile swim. I feel now I have a purpose to my day, he brings me a cup of tea in the morning, the kids get themselves ready for school, I chuck on some clothes over my swimming costume, clean my teeth and head out for my swim, I spend half hour in the sauna, I shower and if I don't look too haggard I leave the make up off, sit down for a latte in the cafe and use their computers for playing on the internet, a luxury we no longer have at home.

The best thing for me joining #groovingmums is I've found some great bloggers, I read a blog posting every day, have subscribed via email, where available, can't always comment, don't always want to and discovered a whole new group of people struggling/suceeding with daily life.

I was going to give up blogging, I cleared my timeline of sponsored bloggers, nearly did a Stephen Fry and jacked it all in, but instead got rid of tweeters that judged, that tried to offer guidance (often misjudged) on a variety of subjects such as co-sleeping, breast feeding etc, all stuff I'd out grown, with little knowledge or referencing. I want to hear how you actually over come a problem, I want to hear that I'm normal, not a super mummy, not a yummy mummy, although have been called a MILF before and was rather flattered.

I've now accepted a challenge from @netcurtains '10 things about me' which I'm off to do now.