Word of the Week - Joining in and improving my mental health.

I don't like joining in with things. So I've picked Joining as my word of the week.

I do a lot of things but I'm not a fan of joining in with things. I get apprehensive about joining in with groups of people and activities that are already established.

I've got a lot of friends but not many live locally, not many have the same interests as me and not many are available with family commitments to come with me to join in. A low of my friends who live locally are a lot younger than me and therefore have families at home and a lot more commitments after work, dinners to cook, homework to do and activities to ferry their kids to and from, so it's harder to join in with activities on a regular basis.

I'm also not good at commitment. Yes, I managed to train and run a marathon, but it was a short term goal with very little thought and planning and with running I could just come home from work, get changed and go out the door for a run. I didn't have to think about anyone else. Peter was 100% behind me with it.

I'm not a fan of having to be a certain place at a certain time either. It's something I've been struggling with since Stephanie died, getting out the house somedays is still hard for me. I like routine, knowing what I'm doing, but I like to be in control of me, not dictated to by timeframes. I can just about manage getting to work. But give me a doctor's appointment or a coffee date, a parkrun or even a beloved football match and I can struggle to get out the door. I'm frightened something terrible will go wrong. Once I've left the house, I'm ok, but getting out the door is hard, so often once I've gone out, if I've got an appointment, like the Dr's at 6pm , I stay out after work at 4pm and go for a coffee, so I don't have to come home and start the issue with going out again. I even changed my nail bar to a sit and wait to bypass this.

I joined the local gym in November at £32.95 a month for 12 months so I could run during the winter months, but I didn't get on with the running machine and I just ran in the wind, rain, cold and the dark.

I've been a total of 13 times since joining. I could've donated that money to the charity instead. I've got 6 months left on the membership and discovered last week that there are free classes I could've been going to that would've supported my running and I was entitled to a 1 hour introduction session and a training plan to help me reach my goal.

So why didn't I know about that at the time? Because it's all on the app. I'm computer savvy, I do online banking, I run my own blog and website. I'm on tiktok with views into tens of thousands on a couple of posts. 

I told them when I joined what I wanted from the gym. I did have an introduction and said I'd never been a member of a gym before other than one where I just used the pool and sauna (there's no pool here) Said I hadn't been to an exercise class since Step aerobics in the late 80's and had no idea how to use the gym equipment.

I was shown how three pieces of equipment worked, the running and rowing machine and cross trainer and was told if I wanted to know how anything else worked to just ask.

I did ask a few weeks later when my shoulders and thighs hurt from running and was told to do 3 reps of certain exercises, but not how many per week.

So I just stopped going. I work on the theory of 'how do I know what I need to know, if I don't know, what I don't know?'

So this weekend whilst exploring the app to find out if there was anything else I could do. I booked a Legs, Bums and Tums session for Monday night at 7pm.

I arrived 15 mins early and everyone was there with a mat, bar bells and dumbbells, all chatting and friendly. I said hi and said I was new and a woman said 'grab a mat and find a space' and yep I ended up right at the front, with the mirror, with everyone behind me, looking straight ahead and I wanted to bolt.

The instructor was friendly. I told him I've never been to a class before, ever and he said it was ok, he was covering for someone else and was new here himself. He grabbed everything I needed and said just follow him and everyone else and he'd help me out as we went along.

And true to his word, he did. Everyone worked at their own speed through the routine he'd written up on the board. It was a bit of a competition with a few and it took me one rep to work out what I was doing and get my coordination going before I fell into routine and I really enjoyed it.

On Tuesday morning I could hardly walk.

Tuesday evening I went along to the spin class at 6pm, I fell off the bike. I'm not very coordinated and we had to go from sitting to standing and back to sitting. 

On Wednesday morning going downstairs was a major issue, it really hurt. I had less issues after running the marathon.

On Wednesday evening I went for a pump session at 6pm, this one worked the upper body as well and on the Thursday I felt so much better.

For all 3 sessions, I came home from work first, got changed and went back out for them, 15 mins before the class started.

I can book online. The classes run for 45 mins. The gym is at the retail park. I can take part at my own speed, be part of the group if I want, ignore those who are competing with themselves or others.

I've been enjoying the running, it's been good for my mental health, it's been good for the grief. It's been good for my physically.

Do you like joining in with things?

I joined in, but I ran alone. it's how I prefer to be.

One daily Positive - Week 12 Perfect weather for outdoors

First full week back in Dubai and feeling bored and lonely again......grrrrrrr. I decided to join the local leisure centre where I can use the pool, which will help with my neck pain, there's a gym I'll pluck up the courage to use, coffee shop and a beauty salon. I have to cross the road only to get there, which means I can still go there in the middle of summer, although I'll be spending most of it in the UK.

We have new neighbours and it's not got off to a good start, with them parking on my drive then not happy when I asked them to move so I could go out, when I got back the wheelie bin had been moved onto the driveway and they've constructed a huge gazebo in the garden which blocks our view, but on a positive, it will provide additional shade for our garden in the summer.

The cat and dog haven't left my side since I got back, I'm constantly tripping over them both. The cat is moulting everywhere. I bought a glove to brush her with, she keeps attacking me, but purring at the same time, there's so much fur coming off her, I could knit a blanket.

The weather is absolutely perfect at the moment, still haven't put the air con on since we moved here December 5th, which is a winter record, although it will soon be too hot to be outside, so we're making the most of it while we can.

77 Sunday I met up with Rachel from @silvernlilac who was visiting Dubai and we went to the Miracle Gardens and had a drink and a walk on the beach. I spent the afternoon in bed, I'm still adjusting to the heat.

78 Monday after a late start to the day, I caught up with some gardening and put the solar panel lights up I bought in the UK. Took the car for a wash and collected Rachel before heading off to Dubai Garden Glow, visited the new Ice Park, which at -8c was freezing, despite being given a coat to wear I had 3/4 trousers on and sandals. We had dinner at Reem Al Bawadi and sat in the garden.

79 Tuesday I headed off to Ibn Battuta Mall for a coffee and a walk around. I lack motivation now I'm back in Dubai, I can find things to do, but I get bored and I'm lonely.

80 Wednesday Met up with Heidi at La Mer, the new beach area in Jumeriah, we paid 60 AED/£12 for a coffee and a tea, thankfully parking was free. Headed over to Mercato Mall for lunch and some shopping. Spent the evening at the pub quiz with Peter, we came 2nd, would've been first if I'd not gone to the loo as it started, I knew the answer to the first question, blast.

81 Thursday spent the day cleaning the house, top to bottom. Bob had been sick during the night. Popped out for coffee and joined the leisure centre over the road, looking forward to getting back swimming again. Peter and I went out for coffee in the evening and a long walk with Bob.

82 Friday We headed off to the beach with a breakfast picnic, a swim and took our books. In the afternoon i went for a swim at the pool over the road, almost as good as having one in our back yard like we did in South Africa. Had a horrendous migraine and went to bed early but neighbours were having work done till 9pm, then I got a call from a family member to say they were having an emergency operation, which went well.

83 Saturday A relaxing day, migraine still present. I went for an early morning swim and Peter and I went out for coffee which helped and we spent the evening with friends for a BBQ.

On the blog this week:

My Sunday Photo - The new metro station at Discovery Gardens
Best Boot Forward and PoCoLo - I have the confidence to fail
Animal Tales - Gifts for the cat and dog. Easter eggs for pets
TweensTeensBeyond and TriumphantTales - Life after parenting

Tampons, naked saunas and swimming sideways

I've had enough.

Responses from tweets indicate it is the same whatever gym you go to, regardless of where you are in the world.

As I enter the Virgin Active Gym there is a board

'Lets make South Africa Proud'
Followed by a list of do's and don'ts.

'LET'S RESPECT EACH OTHERS BOUNDRIES, SO NO HARRASSMENT OF ANY KIND'

Do you know what that means?

It means if someone isn't respecting your boundries, you challenge an issue or just about anything else, you're likely to get sworn or shouted at, or told to mind your own business.

The pool has a current, yesterday I gave up after 10 lengths, I was in lane 1 of 6, the lane with the strongest current, lane 6 was empty and lanes 2, 3, 4 & 5 were occupied...by men and women training, with paddles and flippers and one guy was even using a snorkel.
The current was so strong it took me 10 strokes to swim up the pool and 16 to get back and most of that was sideways.
Just a thought, silly I know, 'excuse me Sir, would you mind swopping lanes, only I'm just here for leisure swim, maybe it'll be easier for you to swim in the current with your flippers on than it is me'

'fuck off'

I went back to the pool today, I was the only one in theRE, the pool was really cold, but at least the showers were working this week. Last week there was a problem with the hot water so after a freezing cold shower I thought I'd nip in the sauna just for a few minutes to warm up.
I don't particulary enjoy walking in the door and being eye to vagina, thank you very much, OK, people go naked in saunas, but knees bent, legs apart on the top bench, facing the door just really isn't necessary. I walked out, there was nothing I could say.

Anyway back to today, out the shower, why are the doors see through perspex? we don't all enjoy showing off you know. I return to the changing room, put my costume, googles and hat on the floor, open my locker put my clothes on the bench and grab my make up bag and go to the mirrors to sort my hair and face. I return to my bench and despite there being loads of space a woman has put her damp towel on my clothes, I pick it up and ask 'is this yours?' to which she just snatches it off me and puts it back as close to my clothes as she can. I told her I don't want wet clothes and could she move her stuff, she replied that I was to move mine, so I shoved her clothes and bag along the bench, with most of it falling on the floor, grabbed my stuff and went to another bench.

Big mistake...
Me: excuse me would you mind going to the toilet to insert your tampon
Her: Why
Me: *Gives up, gets dressed, buys coffee and blogs*

'LET'S RESPECT EACH OTHERS BOUNDRIES, SO NO HARASSMENT OF ANY KIND' translates to

'LET EVERYONE DO WHAT THEY WANT AND DON'T YOU DARE COMPLAIN OR THEY'LL HARASS YOU'

Meeting men in speedos

I love people watching, I eye up other women for what they are wearing, does it look good on them? Would it look better on me? I smile polietly when someone tells me they've spent all day getting ready and I think I took 5 mins and feel better than you look. It is human nature, we all do it...be honest.

But do men do it? I asked hubby and he said, if a woman really looks a mess it's only because she looks so bad that he has noticed and he usually replies to my comments of 'what a mess' with 'she's made an effort.

But what about men with other men? Do they look at another man and think 'where did he get that shirt? those shoes? that tie?'

Since joining the gym I've come to the conclusion that men do look at other men and aspire to be like them. They all arrive in the morning, mostly with designer bags, shirt on a clothes hanger, wearing the latest gym gear to pump their artificial upper body muscles up higher while their legs remain skinny. but is that just me making an assumption, that they happen to all want to look and act the same?

Well here's my evidence.

I usually have the pool to myself when I go at 8am, but the last few mornings I've been in the water by 7am. Take your average male swimmer, mainly in their mid 30's to mid 40's. Tight speedos snapped into place, snug fitting swim cap and OMG all the equipment they bring with them, flippers, face masks, snorkels, paddles and they pick the middle two lanes as the outside ones have a current. They flex on the side of the pool, adjust their googles, preen themselves and off they go...super warp factor speed, powering up and down the pool, most of them have very good strokes but don't seem to know how to use their legs for swimming. I plod along same speed, breast stroke, up and down, no stopping until I've completed my mile and often swimming two. They stop every 4 lengths to adjust their goggles and flex a bit more.

Now I'm a smoker, I find aerobic exercise difficult, get out of breath and really struggle to swim front crawl, besides my fag would get wet. Now swimming breast stroke my head pops out the water and I can see what is going on in the pool. Today in came 'adonis' no older than 25, red speedos with white flowers on, a swim hat and goggles, he flexed and fiddled with his goggles. And out of the corner of my eye I see the guy in the next lane looking at him, the guy then powers off for 4 lengths front crawl, sips out of his water bottle and 'adonis' guy, lowered himself into the pool and swam 8 continious lengths of butterfly, the hardest stroke known to man, he then swam another 8 of breast stroke, followed by back stroke then front crawl, without once stopping. Guy in the other lane, in his early 40's wasn't going to be outdone and powered himself up and down the lane glancing at 'adonis'. Now this guy had only been in the water for 5 minutes before 'adonis' got in and I'm sure he had a routine he wanted to stick to, he hadn't used his floats or his face mask.

I swam my last 2 lengths and as always, despite being a smoker, I also swim length 64 underwater, so I didn't see the guy climb out the pool and collapse/sit on the end gasping for breath, so as I reached the end of the lane, I pop up above the water and nearly bloody chocked...the guy is sitting their legs in the water, wide apart and I'm stood there staring at eye level with his crotch scrunched up in his speedos....'adonis' is unaware of the competition he has sparked and carries on with his swim.

I'm really grooving now

#groovingmums is the inspiration of @netcurtains over on Kateonthinice.

This blog hop is in it's 7th week and there are a whole lot of people sharing their stories of why they need to get their groove back and what they are doing to find it.

Kate sets a task/challenge to do something new each week. I'm limited with my access to the interent and can't always complete the challenges.

This weeks challenges are Body art - do something different, paint your nails, get your hair done, wear make up and embrace your spiritual side. I'm also going to meet a previous challenge by the posting of the above picture.

I lost my groove 9 months ago when I left the UK with 2 of our children and my hubby to live in South Africa, it is challenging, it is lonely and it is my first experience of living abroad so I have nothing to compare it with. I have alot of spare time now, more time than I know what to do with myself since I gave up work and studies to move here. Most days I change the polish on my toe nails, file my finger nails, do my hair and apply make up. At first it was such a luxury to have the time to do all of this, but since joining the gym, I've given up with it now unless I'm going somewhere and letting my skin rest during the day when I'm at the gym or home. The picture above is just me, plain old me. I've never been too bothered if I've needed to pop to the shops or get out the car at school or even go to work without make up, but after all this time of applying it every morning it does feel a little strange to be bare faced again.

My spiritual side is a little more difficult to locate, I'm not a church goer any more. As a child I was sent to a Methodist church and I loved it, as a young adult I went to a baptist church as it was within walking distance of where I lived in the middle of nowhere and as a grown up Mother I attended a C of E church. Up until I met my husband 12 years ago, who as the Father of a disabled child, had experienced many comments from religious people how God had rewarded them with a perfect, healthy child as they were free from sin. I sort of lost faith after hearing that myself many times and I lapsed. I was however confirmed about 13 years ago and I do take communion and have been a witness at Adult and Child baptisims and 1st Communions. South Africa is a very religious country and as an inquisitive person I do ask people about their faith/retreats/religion.

Anyway, back to getting my groove back....by having a routine.

I'm timetabled, hubby did it....

he looked at what I needed to do for the week, bank, post office, driving licence and tyre pressure valve and using the family planner he jotted them down in no particular order and made sure I planned a trip to the gym every day for what has become my daily mile swim. I feel now I have a purpose to my day, he brings me a cup of tea in the morning, the kids get themselves ready for school, I chuck on some clothes over my swimming costume, clean my teeth and head out for my swim, I spend half hour in the sauna, I shower and if I don't look too haggard I leave the make up off, sit down for a latte in the cafe and use their computers for playing on the internet, a luxury we no longer have at home.

The best thing for me joining #groovingmums is I've found some great bloggers, I read a blog posting every day, have subscribed via email, where available, can't always comment, don't always want to and discovered a whole new group of people struggling/suceeding with daily life.

I was going to give up blogging, I cleared my timeline of sponsored bloggers, nearly did a Stephen Fry and jacked it all in, but instead got rid of tweeters that judged, that tried to offer guidance (often misjudged) on a variety of subjects such as co-sleeping, breast feeding etc, all stuff I'd out grown, with little knowledge or referencing. I want to hear how you actually over come a problem, I want to hear that I'm normal, not a super mummy, not a yummy mummy, although have been called a MILF before and was rather flattered.

I've now accepted a challenge from @netcurtains '10 things about me' which I'm off to do now.

Blogging from the Gym

I joined a gym. Not just any Gym, but a Virgin Active Gym. I'm not getting paid for this blog, nor I have I received any incentives, I just Love this gym.

I needed to get out more and especially to exercise. In the 9 months since we've been in South Africa I have put on nearly a stone in extra weight and at 40 I could do without it spreading further.

The only exercise I've been doing is sweeping and mopping the wooden floors, I tried a keep fit DVD but there is always someone in our house or in the garden, unannounced, fixing, gardening or cleaning the pool. I started jogging, but that was rather pathetic and by the time I'd dragged myself half way round the estate the golfers had tee'd off and I was dodging the balls.

We are with Discovery for our medical aid and as a vitality member I paid R735 as a one off fee and got a Virgin Active bag, I then pay R89.90 a month to use the pool, the gym, saunas, aqua room and access to all the classes. I only have to book for a spinning class as they seem to be the most popular.

At the moment I swim, I love swimming and used to swim at County level. I started off last week with 10 lengths, the following day 20, then 30 and then swam a mile 3 days in a row, my best time so far is under 40 minutes.

The kids have joined me and they go after school, sometimes I'm there twice a day. It cost R90 for each child as a one off fee and they can use the same facilities as I can at no extra charge.

The changing rooms are spotless, fantastic hot water in the showers and plenty of lockers.

I'm not a big fan of these communal changing rooms and the 12 year old comes out in fits of hysterics at the 'old' men and their dangly bits everywhere and I although I'm not shy, I really didn't appreciate the woman opposite me who, stark naked, lifted her foot onto the bench and proceeded to rub cream onto her inner thigh, I was sitting down at the time and it really wasn't a pretty sight.

The eldest is working out right now, I have a headache/migraine and really didn't feel like swimming at the moment, so I'm sat in the cafe with a latte, using the computers and the internet.