Is blogging useful anymore?

I know it is for me. But is it useful for anyone else these days?

I started on Social media in the days when social media was just starting out.

In the days when you could ask a question on twitter, didn't need a hashtag to start a conversation and met people far and wide with the same interests as you almost immediately and actually made friends, you socialised, shared happy and sad events both online and eventually in real life.

Oh those were the days.

Blogging events, days out, support networks, opened your heart, shared tragic events, reached out, celebrated milestones and received love, support and understanding.

Nowadays it's all adverts, self promotion and pure hatred in some cases.

I used to churn out 2-3 posts a week. Sharing posts about raising a family, life with teens, schooling, discipline. I'd actively seek others in similar situations, avidly read their posts, look for tips and support. I'd joining with blog linkies, read and comment and know I wasn't alone as a parent.

Then we became expats and life changed and I wrote about life abroad, loneliness, isolation, new adventures, travel, charity work and volunteering. My interests changed as the children grew up and left home. I took up photography with an interest in construction when we moved to Dubai and documenting the ever changing skyline. I grew vegetables in the sand, we called our garden. I blogged about international travel and relocating pets. I talked about grief, about health, becoming grandparents, being a landlord and finally about repatriation. 

And now I don't feel I've anything left to talk about. Why? Because social media has got so big, it's just about all covered now. A hashtag is meaningless these days. There are a million and one 'how to guides' no one needs to know how to pack a suitcase, survive the menopause, or read a 1000 word review about a back pack.

So is there anything left to blog about? or has blogging had it's day?

For me, I've always blogged for my sanity and the occasional sponsored post. It kept me sane for 12 years as an expat. It documented our lives abroad. Our lives were different, it was interesting for others to read, it wasn't necessarily better, it was just different. It was interesting for our friends in South Africa to hear our take on their country as foreigners, how we experienced things they took as being the norm, things they took for granted, that were different for us on a visitors visa. Like obtaining a drivers permit for our son, or getting utilities set up, opening bank accounts. Our family and friends were fascinated with our travels in South Africa, the photos of Safaris, the extraordinary houses we lived in, the charity work I did. But as the sun always shone they weren't always interested in the struggles we had or understanding of the difficulties we faced or the fear we lived under from time to time.

Dubai was utopia for all. We were lucky, but it still fascinated people. It wasn't restrictive for me like many people thought, but you couldn't convince them. We were also living the dream, so how could I not be happy 24/7?

But has any of it been useful to anyone else?

There have been blog post about relocating where people have contacted me to ask for further information about moving their pets to another country, about choosing shipping containers, working abroad, visa applications and lots of enquires during covid when I was travelling between Dubai and the UK, know where I was getting my testing done and how to obtain permission to fly. But now 3 years on, that information is no longer valid because so much has changed. It was relevant at the time and was useful to others.

Now I'm just going to work, sharing pictures of DIY around the home and garden, pictures of trips in the camper van, talking about my health, visits with the grandchildren and holidays.

I'm still documenting my life. I share with Project 365, a photo a day and a weekly diary and I co run a weekly Linky called #PoCoLo. But I'm no longer writing anything that may be of interest to others, nothing that may help or inspire other people. I'm only writing for me and maybe the grandchildren who may or may not read these posts long after I've gone and have a fantastic legacy of what life was really like for their grandparents from 2009 onwards.

A few weeks ago I wrote a post about dealing with grief and moving on, it was scheduled to go out on Monday. There was a nagging feeling that something was going to happen. I'd shared this feeling with Peter and a friend. I was frightened to go home. I was frightened to go out. I was eating or sleeping. I was losing weight. I had a head ache. I was encouraged to write it all done and go and see the Doctor. Even I knew it wasn't right.

I didn't go to the Doctor but I wrote it all down, I felt better. I really did feel better. I'd let go. I was talking. I had 2 weeks where I felt lighter. 

Then the absolute worst happened. Our daughter died. I carried on talking and writing. I've had a couple of what I suppose other people would call 'break downs' over the past few weeks in response to 'you're the bravest person I know' 'if anyone can do this, you can Suzanne' when I've replied with 'no I'm not brave' you've just justified that as your excuse for leaving me to sort everything out. I'm not everybody's everything. I'm not everyone's go to person. I'm the one who gets things done because I'm usually the one who takes their tears away, the lack of tears is often seen as lack of emotion, but for me it's sheer shock and stunned silence. I'm not afraid of crying. I've cried this week until the tears don't come anymore, I'm not frightened of crying. I've cried in the coffee shop, I've cried in front of friends, I've cried in the photo shop, at the hospital, at the neighbours, to the cat, with my work colleagues who have visited, anyone who has shown me the slightest bit of care and concern, anyone who genuinely has looked at me and without a word has conveyed 'oh Suzanne, I just don't know what to say' 

There is nothing to say. We've received so many kind words this week, phone calls and visits, along with flowers and cards and a food parcel from my amazing colleagues in work. Invites for coffees for a change of scenery, to be able to talk about Stephanie. Chats on the street with the neighbours who have met her and known us since me moved here in 2002, despite us moving away for 12 years and coming back.

It may feel like a strange thing to be blogging and laying everything out for all to read, but for me writing everything down has always been easier than saying things out loud. There are times I haven't been able to speak, to find the words, but they've been there in my head and the frustration at not being able to get them out has made me so angry. 

I found writing the eulogy of Stephanie's life so cathartic. It was easy, there was so much to say and once I started it just flowed from the start to the end. I asked one of her brothers for some input at one point as I wanted to makes sure their words were heard, as she was their lives also.

Sometimes looking back and reflecting triggers memories I'd buried and it is painful, but over time it makes it easier, it helps to see how far we've come individually and as a family. 

The night Stephanie died will be etched in our memories forever, the emotions and the feelings, the last touch, look, words. The actual timings, order of things and the process will be lost forever, the order of events will change in our minds. But it is recorded in messages that after the initial calls made to our sons and Peters sister, it became impossible to speak, the words were too hard and a serious of cut and paste messages followed, which we then used for days to tell extended family and friends. 

Friends in the real world and online who have lost a child themselves, who have lost a child in the past few weeks. I've been posting photos on instagram, it has helped me. Peter has read through the responses. I'd say only 10% of the people who have commented were physical friends first, and maybe 50% have become real life friends with Peter having met many of them. Blogger friends who have met Stephanie, people who know Stephanie through the power of social media and my endless battle with clean and tidy disabled toilets. 

I've continued to blog since Stephanie died, to record our journey as we grieve. To record the happy moments, which are becoming more frequent. How the sadder moments, physically hurt less. how we are learning to cope and deal with those moments. The grief of missing her isn't less, it's just recognising when it is approaching, being able to stop and pause and accept it, take a deep breath and allow it come, rather than fighting it off, trying to push it away.

There's so much more to be said about Stephanie, about my grief, but that is for separate posts.

Give us 3 rings when you're home

Does anyone remember doing this?

My parents used to do this after a long drive from visiting relatives. Dial their number from the landline and let it ring three times to indicate they had arrived home safely to save the cost of an expensive phone call.

My husband remembers a time before landlines in the house where his mum would call her mum, phone box to phone box at a set time and date and make arrangements to meet somewhere the following week.

No contact was had in-between.

Nowadays we check in at airports on Facebook, we WhatsApp, text, call and message to say we're leaving home, on our way and almost there. 

My parents would ask me to 'give us 3 rings' when I got home from visiting, but they'd also ask us to let them know when we arrived after a long journey on holiday or to visit other people, so they knew we were safe on the roads and then again when we arrived home. I found this weird, we weren't leaving their house, why did we have to let them know where we were all the time?

We do ask our kids to let us know when they've got home after leaving us and out of courtesy they do message to say they're on their way also, but they don't expect us to do it, they don't ask us to. I think they just assume we will do it and that's why we ask them.

So on the weekend, we didn't check in to the airport on Facebook or message to say we were on our way or had arrived and we turned up at child 4's house at 9am on Saturday morning to 'when did you get here?' followed by child 2 messaging the following to day with 'assume you got back safely'

The worry about making announcements on Social Media.

Our son and his wife had a baby. Born on November 5th. Obviously mum and dad's priority was that of their new family.

We were called at 3am and a photo was sent.

Obviously, we didn't share that photo online. We didn't post their news online. We were more than happy to wait for them to get home from the hospital, tell their extended families and friends, settle into new life before they make any birth announcement online.

They had the advantage of the due date being the 9th November, so it'll be a while before people start asking 'is the baby here'

They had the call from the hospital on Tuesday, to let us know they were going in. Obviously again, I didn't post about it, I didn't tell anyone. It wasn't my place, people will ask for updates. People might start contacting them, asking for news.

We headed over on the ferry on Saturday night, we didn't post about it as people would know why we were going, there must be a baby for us to be making the journey. In fact we didn't even tell our son and dil we were on our way over so they could settle in without having to worry about us descending on them, we just wanted to be that bit closer so when they called to say they were home and tell us we could come over, we'd already be nearby.

When our first grandchild was born 2 years ago, the logistics of visiting were harder as we were in Dubai and the due date coincided with another sons wedding. I arrived a few days before the baby was born (a week early), popped over for the wedding where my husband joined me then both back to the mainland to spend time with the baby before returning home.

The birth was announced on Monday and all of a sudden a great weight was lifted off me. Friends who were asking about the baby could now be told he was here, phone calls could be had, I could chat freely about the new addition in our lives. I could forward photos to friends, I could talk about our new grandchild freely without worrying about someone posting a message online and spoiling their announcement.

When my kids were born we didn't have social media to worry about, you just told people when you saw them. Made a few phone calls to family and people had to wait till you'd had photos processed and they arrived in the post, or they made the journey to visit the new born. In fact I waited a week before I made my social media update in my weekly blog post, only because people then new I'd travelled to Northern Ireland.

Do you have similar worries?

Hearing the news on Social Media.

If you're like me with facebook you'll be a member of lots of local groups, blogger pages and news channels and you'll have online friends like me who post random photos throughout the day, clogging up people's timelines. I think they call it FOMO if you're not involved in everything.

I split my social media time between facebook, instagram and twitter and several blogging groups. I also spend (waste) hours watching facebook videos, they're just too addictive, aren't they?

As a consequence I miss an awful lot of actual real time news. Not opinions, not local/international news, but real news from real people such as moving house, weddings, pregnancy announcements and births.

I'm not a big fan of breaking news in a public forum. I post according to my audience so twitter is for random comments and observations. Instagram is for photos of things that make me laugh or puzzle me or I think other people might find interesting and face book is my life story, where I share our travels/holidays, house moves, photos of visitors and people we visit and pretty much over the 3 areas, along with my blog I share my life online with family, friends, acquaintances and random strangers.

But when I have news, like we're relocating, our health, the kids getting married, the birth of a grandchild, I actually make an effort to tell those who are important to me, either face to face, over the phone or a private message online, before the general riff raff get to hear about it. Sometimes if I want to ponder something I'll post in a secure group to get feedback from people with similar situations before I let people know about our decisions.

Recently we discovered news, that we thought the person sharing it, should have told us about personally, not for us to either miss or randomly discovered several days after their big announcement. It's not the first time and it won't be the last for sure. These people are no longer on my 'tell first before making public announcement' list.

When I see posts on the public timeline announcing a birth or a marriage or a house move etc and I'm not tagged, I assume that those who they want to know have been informed personally and private conversations, congratulations have been made and that really the only interaction they're looking for now is a like or a casual comment. I won't send a card, buy a gift or even make a big fuss over the public announcement as I assume I'm not part of the inner circle of friends or even count for much in terms of my place within a wider family. I certainly won't remember your child's birthday or your wedding anniversary.

And do you know that's ok with me. It's like hearing news about a celebrity, I'll think 'oh that's nice' but I don't send them a card or a personal message and I might not even click the 'like' button.

I'd be interested to know how you feel about sharing news over social media.

Does it bother you if people don't like or comment on your big announcement?

Do you prefer to tell people your news face to face where possible or do you post publicly?

If so, do you feel upset if you don't get the response you're looking for?

I only found out how crap my life was when I turned on British TV

I might have irritable bowel syndrome.

I really need to do something about my wrinkles.

I don't have enough healthy bacteria in my gut.

I'm at risk of e coli by not using the right cleaning chemicals.

Should I panic? Deep clean the house? Make a Doctors appointment? Have botox?

I don't watch a lot of TV other than box sets on Netflix and the British soaps, if I can find them on You tube. Therefore I rarely see TV adverts. But after 6 or so weeks in the UK, I've seen every advert going and apparently, my current lifestyle choices are crap.

A lot of people say how Social Media puts other people down, judges them and helps to inform our decisions on how we judge others also, but I'd say it's NOT Social Media, it's the TV.

TV is a major financial institution, your TV licence doesn't cover the cost of what you watch, even the BBC have adverts, you might not realise this, but the items they present on lifestyle choices are led by major companies, pushing their products, their ideas.

It's subliminal advertising. Adverts they tell you that you have a problem in order to sell you a product.

'Did you know the leading product only reduces your chance of xxxxxxx by 95%, our new and improved product can reduce those risks further up to 99.9%'

They're telling you that the risk of you developing/catching something is high. They scare you into buying their product, they lead you to believe that without their product you're putting yourself and your family at risk.

Ok, so skin care products aren't that risky when it comes to your health, but are you aware of how many times you get stopped in a store or in the street and told you look old, you have bad skin, your nails look terrible, your hair is lank? I know they don't use those actual words, but that's what they are implying.

This is what the cosmetic companies are saying to you 'you look like crap' buy our products and you too can look as beautiful as this.

It's all about the money and you're gullible enough to fall for it and then blame others on Social Media who have fallen for this.

This is a before and after photo of me from 18 months ago. On the left I was told to come bare faced, there was no lighting, just look at the camera. After I'd had my make over, lighting was introduced and I was encouraged to smile.

If I ever go missing, make sure the picture they use is the one on the left, as I only look like the person on the right in my profile pictures.

Dear xceltic3 Dan. Am I posting too much stuff online?

Hi Dan

Thanks for stopping by and commenting on my blog posts recently. I'd like to thank you for showing such an interest in my blog and taking time to comment and sticking me with for so long. After all, I've been rabbiting on for almost 9 years now.

But you've got me thinking though about whether I share too much stuff online as I don't know who are you but you seem to have been reading my blog posts for quite a while, especially as you commented about my completing my Open University course and the time we spent in South Africa.

I must say it did cause me a bit of alarm, put me on the back foot. There's photo's of me and family on here and I'm sure it wouldn't take long for anyone to actually find me at any given point in time.

I started a while ago to only post pictures when I was travelling of places after I'd left the area on social media, now I'm wondering if I should stop checking into places also, or saying in advance where I'm planning on travelling to and when.

I get quite a few comments on my blog from strangers, people I've never met and a fair few number of likes on other Social Media accounts, but I can always reply, I can click on their name and even if their google account is new and unused I can usually find theme on twitter or someone else in the blogging community, especially in the linkys, will know who are they are.

But Dan. I've drawn a blank with you. I can't place you anywhere, you don't exist online anywhere with the name you use on google comment. I have a feeling I may actually know you. Often people who comment anonymously, will sign off with their twitter handle.

I'm wondering now should I be posting less personal stuff, less photo's, you've unnerved me, it's probably not your intention, but it would be great if you could/would identify yourself just to put my mind at rest please.

Regards

Chickenruby.

Why do I share so much stuff online?

This was something Peter and I were discussing this weekend. It's simple really. I can go days without speaking to another human being, other than a phone call twice a day with Peter when he is travelling or a shop assistant when I purchase a coffee.

I have no one to share things with.

I 'speak' to my mum several times most days and to at least one of the kids daily, but this speaking is in the form of the written word since Skype was blocked the beginning of this month.

Peter said it was the same for him, he only has me out here in Dubai and he doesn't feel the need to share what he does on a daily basis online. I reminded him he goes to work everyday, he's in an office where people will ask about his plans for the weekend or what he did this weekend, they will ask after me, the kids, the animals, how we've settled into the new house. Me? I don't have that.

I have a couple of friends who I occasionally spend time with, but not on a regular basis. Yes I could make more of an effort, but one works and the other is always busy with various activities and I sort of feel that I get slotted into their lives, rather than them choosing to spend time with me. It's not the kind of friendships where you just pop in or pick up the phone and say 'hi, you coming round for coffee?'

I have several social media accounts, 2 face book pages. One Daily Positive where I post a photo a day and link up with a weekly post with Project 365. I've just started my 4th year doing this. I started it to make sure I got out of the house every day and initially used photo prompts that encouraged me to explore Dubai after a recent move there. Chickenruby is linked to my Instagram account and I basically post photos on there which link to twitter also of anything and everything that catch my attention, make me smile, wind me up, tell a short story or just because. I tend not to use twitter too much these days, but pop over there from time to time and catch up with a few people. I also use facebook for connecting with family and friends back in the UK and around the world, but more for commenting, messaging and I post on there maybe only once a week.

However I blog 3-4 times a week and like everything else, I go by the name of Chickenruby, so called as I used to have a chicken called Ruby.

A long time ago I made the decision to only put on my blog what I get up to, hence my blog is all about me.
From time to time this has caused some discussion amongst family members ‘what about me? Are we not important in your life?
Well of course they all are. I’m a daughter, sister, mother, aunt, friend amongst many other things. A lot of what I do in life involves being one or many of the above. It also means a lot of what happens to me and what I do involves other people. Mostly my husband, my children and my mother.

I have a lot going on in my life right now and I'm not coping very well with it, physically and mentally. I had pneumonia all through the summer, autumn and now into the winter. My dad died last summer and I'm still struggling with this. My health is holding me back, I'm still doing stuff, getting stuff done, dealing with day to day life, even going to the pub in the evenings, but I'm slow, breathless and struggling physically.

There's an awful lot going on in my life and as usual I blog about it. I blog about parenting and my travels and adventures with my dog Bob. But I blog about what I get up to, how the above affects me, what I'm doing to support the teen with finding a job, helping my mum with selling her home and buying a new flat, about dealing with my health, about how my kids moving abroad has affected my life,

I try not to blog about what other people are doing that causes me grief, about their actions or lack of actions affects me, how their crisiticisms of what I'm doing or not doing hurt me. How they feel I waltz in and take over, how they will tell me how I make them feel, how I upset them, how I don't take their feelings into account, how I could just buy the teen a car, how the teen in their opinion isn't making anough of an effort, but if I tell them how their actions and words are in my opinion making things worse, how their solutions are easy to say but not actually practiable, they get hurt and upset and it just makes all the above worse and harder for me to cope with.

I know I choose to live abroad, but others choose to live where they do also, and whilst I dont critise their choice of where to live, I feel they critise my choice of where I choose to live my life. Whilst I've had a whole world of opportunities opened up for me, I also feel that when they say as 'one door closes another one opens' that for me it feels like 'as one door opens and I go through it, it then closes firmly behind me and I have no choice to go back, only to move on and I'm not always comfortable with going forward into to the unknown.

So basically I share stuff online to interact, to get a response, for feedback that I'm actually doing ok, for contact with the outside world. I can't just pop in to see people, but I can spam their timelines with what I'm up to.

Why do you share what you do online?

When an online friend dies

Having been on Social Media for almost 10 years, I've seen people come and go, most of them strangers.

In the early days, it was common for people to set up an account, explore the new platform, build up followers and either a) get bored b) be easily offended and block you or c) change names and d) as you build up new followers and followed new people, you just lost track of who you chatted to.

Some people become real friends, you move over to face book, you text, you physically meet up, you may live in the same town and see one another every day, you may only physically see one another a couple of times a year. But you are friends who share emotions, secrets, day to day stuff, things you probably wouldn't share with others, you somehow feel safe sharing with 'strangers' online.

Before Social Media people only really knew their family and the people in the same village, town, city to where they lived. I moved a lot as a child around the UK and from an early age had pen friends that I'm still in touch with to this day. The friendship however has migrated over to FB and is more of an occasional 'like' It's become lazy, we no longer have anything in common. I have real friends who have never done the whole Social Media thing, or have accounts and don't post, but who think they share my life because they see what I'm doing and we do occasionally meet up, usually through me making the effort.

I have friends on SM that I no longer interact with, that no longer interact with me and I wonder why I bother keeping them as friends online, twitter is one thing. FB is more personal.

Earlier this month I realised a friend, who I'd never met, hadn't posted online for a couple of weeks, this is unlike her, I was worried. I checked messages to see when we'd last spoken. We'd not spoken privately for a long time, but she had been extremely supportive with my father's death over the summer months. I'd neglected a lot of friends over the summer, a lot of them had their own problems and had neglected me also, such is life.

When you spend a lot of time on SM it's easy to keep in touch with people, send messages, comment on a post, but it's also easy to just see what they are doing, like an occasional post and not interact.

But like a neighbour, a friend on social media is there every day. You smile at your neighbour, say good morning, wave a hand in acknowledgement as you walk past the kitchen window, share an exchange of words of the lack of survives in your area, the lack of bin collection, catch brief snippets of their work and family life, or you may chat with them everyday over the fence or drink coffee together.

Friends on Social Media you click on their page, but you see a photo of their garden, you see the photos from their holiday, but you don't always interact, you just get used to seeing them there and when all of a sudden they disappear, you worry, you wonder where they are.

Sometimes you never find out where they've gone, sometimes they message you and/or others to say they're going off SM and sometimes they die.

Sara died on October the 3rd. I was catching up with my online friends, she hadn't posted for a few weeks, that concerned me. I'm not friends with her adult daughter but I messaged her at 6.45pm to ask if everything was OK with her mum. She messaged me back at 10pm to say her mother had died only an hour earlier.

I don't know how Sara died, I could speculate, I could ask her daughter, but it's irrelevant to my friendship with her. I don't need to know. All I know is that Sara hadn't posted online that she was unwell. The last time she'd talked about her health was in June when she was bitten on her foot by a horsefly.

All I know is that I wake up each day and as I scroll through my face book, I know Sara isn't there anymore and I've lost a friend.

Parenting without Social Media

So it worked for you, that bit of advice you picked up from the health visitor, teacher, friend or even off social network. But it doesn't mean you can start making other parents feel like they're failing because it doesn't work for them.

If you choose not to immunize your children that is your right, but don't tell other people that they're risking a life of disability with their child as you could be also & if your child contracts an illness they could have been immunized against, they and you could be responsible for making another child who is maybe too young for the next set of jabs very ill. 

Ok that may be a bit extreme, you're untitled to your views and opinions but I'm fedup of seeing so many people quick to put others down then play the victim and claim they're being harassed by another blogger who disagrees with them. 

Don't try and make your battles, other people's. Use the proper channel if you as a family have been unfairly treated, talk about it, blog about it but stop trying to convince others that you are right, you may be, you may not be.

Bizarre as it may seem at the ripe old age of 44, I birthed 3 boys, all were induced, all were full term. I spent quite a few of those years as a single mum and purchased everything 2nd hand. Things were handed down and around with friends, kids were often swopped out with the neighbours kids for weekends camping, there were no gadgets, no sterilisers, no breast pumps and no labels.

When you give a process a label, one is being set up to fail. Baby Led Weening was doing the rounds on Mumsnet this week. As far as I can work out it involves sitting your child in a high chair, with the same foods as the rest of the family and letting them feed themselves. As one mumsnetter was informed 'she was insulting her child's intelligence by shoving a spoon in it's face'

I breast and bottle fed all 3 to different ages, I mashed up their food (I didn't own a liquidiser) and spoon fed them, I let them eat and explore their own foods.

I didn't have pram envy, or designer nursery's, I didn't have bank loans and credit cards to pay for all the stuff I didn't need. I was proud to announce I'd picked up something for almost free and the competition at nursery and later in the school play ground was all about who knew who and what they were passing down this week.

I visited the mobile toy library, we swopped toys out, we donated and exchanged toys at the local play group.

Yes parents in the playground judged others, gossiped, compared reading ages, but that was human nature. Shock most of us were SAHM's, there were quite a few SAHD's but we didn't use labels. But we, as many generations before us didn't know that one day it would be labelled and others would then feel they could judge us for our decisions. Some of us parents had part time or full time jobs as the children grew, but did we judge? No, we collected one anthers children, helped with homework and fed them their tea.

The majority of the village owned their own home, bought in the 1990's when one could get on the property ladder, owned one car and foreign holidays were reserved for when your kids had grown up.

There were no demands for insisting children could miss school to be taken on a family holiday, quoting it as a 'human right'

Back in my day, if it didn't exist, we didn't have it and if we couldn't afford it, we didn't buy it. But we didn't judge others when they couldn't afford to get their car fixed, we gave them lifts. They didn't go out and buy a new pram instead of paying their bills.

No one told you they couldn't afford new school uniform, pay their utility bills, put food on their table yet in the same sentence boast about their new coordinated furniture, designer curtains and TV.

I've recently seen people blogging about holidays abroad, complaining that their child's school won't let them have time off and 'sod it' they'll take the child out anyway as apparently 2 weeks on a beach in a resort is more educational than school, then a couple of weeks later they're blogging about how they can't pay their bills and then moaning about how their child was excluded from an end of term trip due to their attendance record.

It seems that some people in life are going to find things to complain about regardless. Thinking that their basic needs and rights as a family include foreign holidays to keep up with the Jones's. Debt, repossession of houses, complaining that their benefits are being cut, but not cutting back on their Sky, Internet and Phone subscriptions on the grounds that because everyone else has it, it's their right to have it also and then using their 3G coverage to find the local food bank and claiming their kids will be bullied if they don't have certain clothing, phones etc, etc, etc.

We weren't envious, we accepted that our time would come, when our kids left home. In the meantime the kids knew they'd have to wait till xmas for that football shirt or a certain toy/gadget. The TV was huge as in depth and took up half the lounge and we couldn't afford sky so we just didn't have it. I didn't have my first mobile phone until after my youngest was born in 1999 and it was 2001 before I got the internet at home.

I've been told I'm selfish, lucky and spoilt for having my children in Private School, living abroad etc etc. I've been told I have no idea what the real world is like and how 'people like me' don't care about those living in poverty. I lived in South Africa for 4 years and worked full time as a volunteer and let me tell you, living in a shack with no electricity and having to walk 4km for drinking water daily is poverty.

I have what I have now as I worked and I studied.

So why was it different for me as a young and single mum in the 1990's, compared to todays parents 20+ years on?

We lived in a community where everyone had similar values, standards, upbringings and income. I was a much younger mum, living in an older generation, most of my neighbours, friends and school mums with a few exceptions were a minimum of 10 years older than me with kids the same age.

But more importantly, there was no social media, we compared our lives to the others directly around us, we all attended the same nursery's, doctors, pubs, shops we met and knew the same people. Apart from a newspaper article or a story in Take a Break, we weren't influenced by 24 hour TV, adverts, there was no one telling us we would face problems if we didn't buy a certain product, parent in a certain way.

We put our babies to sleep how we found fit, we fed them, potty trained them, educated them, taught them values and demonstrated standards. I keep in touch now with most of these people from my early parenting days, in fact 2 women and their husbands are still very good friends, the girl I used to baby sit, who than baby sat my kids, now has a child of her own. She doesn't do twitter, isn't on face book much, doesn't blog, she works as a theatre nurse, owns her own home with her partner and has no idea what I'm on about somedays when I ask her opinion on breast feeding, co sleeping and baby led weening. She just doesn't have time for it, I just didn't have it.

All our kids are well and healthy, they may not have had the games, the designer clothes, the foreign holidays. But they do have an education, they talk none stop about the camping trips when they were young, the days out with the play groups and school trips and spending time with the neighbours.

Before you get wound up that you're failing as a parent because Social Media tell you are failing, consider where the report, information, advice comes from. Remember journalists will tell you what they think you want to hear, case studies are carried out on very small numbers. Remember statistics can be manipulated to fit the response the advertisers want and don't forget in order to sell you a product a company will quite often scaremonger you you into believing there is a problem that they can solve with one simple 'click' and before you know it, you have purchased yet another product or resource that you don't actually need for parenting, it just makes you feel you're doing something to protect or enhance your child's well being.

I'm grateful my parenting days are over and I'm more than grateful that I wasn't bullied by social media into raising my children how a small proportion of people see fit, when at the end of the day, that's their problem and not mine.

Are you a blogger or an advertiser?

A couple of months back I decided to try see if I could earn a decent income from my blog.

I started my research by posting questions in blogging groups and asking people directly how they made an income from their blog.

I found a lot of useful information out there, but when I looked at the actual income v's the hours invested and some of the methods used, I decided that my time would be better spent looking for a part time job and to continue blogging a hobby.

I also don't want to be seen as the person who in the real world walks into a room and within 5 minutes of introducing themselves is trying to sell you a product, which is what I feel happens on social media when you click on a link to an article with a catchy title, that turns out to be nothing else other than advertising.

Now I know what I discovered, doesn't and won't apply to EVERY blogger out there making a living from blogging, but I suspect it applies to quite a few. I'm NOT judging either, I'm just saying it's not for me and here are the reasons why:

• The world of blogging is very competitive. I left several blogging groups and eventually deactivated my face book account. I didn't like what I was witnessing in many groups, bitching, back slapping and obvious exclusion of others who didn't agree with them.

• Blogs that were nothing but sponsored posts and always gushing. I've never read a negative post about a product or a service, like ever. What I did see in some groups was people complaining that customer service with a company was dire and receiving information from other bloggers just not to mention it in their review/post.

• Sponsored posts that aren't declared are so obvious and as everyone seems to be very hot on telling others what to do and what not to do with their blog, I was quite surprised to find these with some high profile bloggers. Also blog posts that are written in the style of a sponsored post without payment or goods being received. Just why would anyone do that and then pay for the face book tools so they're not in breach of any regulations? 

• Too many people claiming to give professional advice. Now while being a mum is hard work and there are many roles that one juggles, it does not make people experts in that field, but due to the nature of the blog post titles, or back slapping from other bloggers, these blog posts were being used as professional advice and IMO, that is very dangerous.

• The time and money spent on headers, self hosting, plug ins, designs, as well as paying for services for scheduling posts etc. I've also seen many blog posts especially related to travel where it's been discussed in groups about costs incurred, such as flights, then the post not mentioning what was paid for and what was received for review or declaring they'd received additional payment for the post.

• Purchasing of followers, using BOTS to comment and like on your behalf. Which is really evident when posts appear in the early hours of the morning or comments and likes are received in the middle of the night. I also don't have the time, energy or desire to build up followers on Social Media, playing the follow/unfollow game. Ok it makes your stats look good.

• joining PODS and private groups to drop links with rules to comment, like, follow and share. Some of the rules are really strict and regardless of the rules, some are blatantly ignored, even by the hosts. Certain bloggers will leave gushing comments, yet on other peoples posts, comments left are 'nice work' 'well done' The most annoying ones though are linky drops and never returning comments or replying to the 'in crowd' bloggers and ignoring the lesser knowns.

• Advertising and affiliate links seem to be the biggest income for the majority of bloggers and they aren't actually earning an income from writing (again I'm not saying EVERYONE) A lot of people make money from writing sponsored posts, copy writing and I've seen quite regularly many selling products after they've reviewed them and advertising them for sale on their Facebook, where they've actually posted a link to the reviewed product.

Now I don't actually have issues with anyone doing any of the above, I'm free to scroll on past, unfollow, remove myself from groups and delete social media accounts. But I do find a lot of it misleading that everyone is capable of making money through blogging to bring in a living wage. I have a relatively small following on twitter, instagram and on my face book pages. I love the linkys I currently join in with and have met some amazing people and had some amazing experiences also. 

Trying to grow my social media audience, increasing my DA and PA score, writing media packs, contacting companies for review opportunities etc has been very tiring, I've not enjoyed it, I've never run with the in crowd, I've never been part of the in crowd. I found it demoralising just not to hear back from companies, to be ignored in groups when I contributed to discussions. I've often felt left out and excluded, back in the school playground.

I've no marketing experience & I've no proven writing experience. Trying to make a living off my blog would be similar to me applying for a job as a life guard when I couldn't swim. So I'm going to stick with what I enjoy and not worry about what others are doing, I don't need an income, I don't need the stress and I certainly don't want to mislead my family and friends who read my blog, like, comment and tell me they enjoy reading to be fooled that I'm doing something more than I'm actually doing. If I can make a bit of pocket money from time to time, I'm more than happy with that. I just don't have the energy or the skills to take my blog further.

i will carry on looking for opportunities to write for other blogs, I enjoy that and I'm chasing up some more copywriting, but my blog? Nope, it's my online diary and nothing more.

Are you a good social media role model to your children?

How to be a good social media model to your children

I almost think teaching kids to be savvy online now has almost passed. I don't mean just letting them have accounts and not supervising them in the use of what to and what not to post, but in regards to how they use it with their friends. We've all posted photo's we regret, drunken nights out etc but I've also seen comments from concerned parents about some of the harmless stuff such as endless selfies and how silly their child looks with pursed lips.

I've been on the interent as a full time hobby, tweeting, facebooking, blogging etc for over 8 years, I own an iPhone and MacBook air, I share personal moments, photo’s, thoughts and feelings on a daily basis. I tell you how family behavior affects me but I no longer tell you what that behavior is/was anymore.

Many times I've written an update or a blog post and ended up deleting it for fear of reprocussions, not because I’m worried about offending anyone, I just hate the back handed way people think they can hide behind a screen and say what ever the hell they want.

The 4 boys all have social media accounts and use them differently, I find my kids aged 18-27 use them in different ways and rarely post anything on the main timeline, in fact when I consider how many friends children I have on facebook it is rare that they actually post anything, they comment on peoples posts and share ‘motivational’ crap but rarely share what they're up to, but are happy to respond to messages with details when you ask them about a party, girlfriend or if they want to let off steam about their mum or dad…lol.

My children didn’t grow up with social media, they grew up with a mum who used social media, the youngest had instant access to the internet, he's 18 now but was in boarding private school from year 2 and at 4 years younger than the next sibling he had almost instant access to it, where as the eldest went thorugh school without it being around to any great extent and the demand for mobile phones still being seen as a privilidge and not a right of passage, having left school, college then home by 2007, he's not really got into it, the middle 2 entered their teens through the normal route but left their teens and entered into adult hood with every piece of technology going although they use it very differently, one mainly for gaming, the other the same as I do.

Hubby has only recently started using facebook, he trusts my decsions in regards to meeting total strangers, but the reality is its my kids that keep the closer eye on me when I'm using social media, offering advice, questioning my decisions, asking me to remove images and blog posts because their friends are on here and it could embarrass them, half the time my kids think I'm a bit stupid and when it comes to social media and I do have to remind them from time to time of the number of tweets, responses, comments and blog hits I get and how long it has all been running.

I haven't been the best social media role model for my children over the years, having gone for tweet ups with virtual strangers, but I've always met people in broad day light in busy areas, such as cafes or pubs and I've always let others know where I'm going who with and when to expect me home. In most cases I've met up with people after exchanging messages, exchanging phone numbers and having Skype calls. On one occasion my then teenage son, sauntered past a local pub with his mates to 'check' on me.

I've met people at football matches at half time for a drink, gone to places I'd never have been, events etc and in 2015 I flew from Dubai to Canada to stay with a women I met on twitter. We've had complete strangers come and stay at our homes in South Africa, Dubai and the UK, but we've never had a bad experience to date. 

There have of course been some meet ups that haven't gone as well as I'd have hoped for, with someone being completely different in real life to how they've come across on social media, my kids have been a good judge of character and nearly every one we knew in South Africa we'd met online and we became real life fiends, who one of the kids have stayed with when they went back to South Africa to visit their friends. 

I am of course still cautious when making friends on social media, I've sent private messages to my kids when I think something they've posted online could upset someone, especially family members, but it's more likely that the kids will message me with 'muuuuuum, what were you thinking? take that post/picture down.

Are you a good social media model to your kids? 

Are your kids savvy online?

How social media can damage your children's lives.

I've never blogged about my son from a failed relationship, how he's never met his father or what happened 24 years ago, or my divorce from the father of my 2 other boys, or the nasty divorce my husband went through and the effect on his 2 children.

As much as time is a good healer, and I couldn't be happier now, time also twists the truth. My mother has always said there are two sides to every story. Yours and mine then the truth.

No one else can really know what goes on in a relationship. When it breaks down, it has it's reasons, whether it's an affair, domestic violence, growing apart etc. The only people who can tell you what happened are the people who were there.

A few years ago my son asked me not to post photos of him online anymore. He was 13. As much as it saddened me, I agreed, but I told him he couldn't stop me blogging about him. Not his antics, the trouble or stress he caused me, but the effects of him being my son on my life. Returning after 2 and a half years living abroad to boarding school in the UK, his dyslexia and how him leaving home impacted on my life.

I was interviewed by the Daily Mail for a piece on Empty Nest Syndrome and how it happened early due to us being expats. I asked his permission, I read him the copy and he agreed to a photograph. You can read the interview here.

You see what my children don't want to see in print is anything that could come back and haunt them in years to come, anything that could cause them ridicule, pain or embarrassment or could affect future relationships and job opportunities.

We've all cringed when our parents have brought out the baby photos to show school friends or potential partners, but they can be put back in a box and the memory is over, but when they are posted online they remain for there forever.

It's also not fair to talk about the 'other' person online where painful details are recorded, during or after the event, details that are written often to justify the writers current situation, where the other person and their family can read it.

Who knows what will happen in years to come. You may reunite, then what do you do about moving on from the past? It's all out there, every detail of his or your affair, their access to the children, whether you've banned them from seeing the kids due to their new relationship or he/she decides that just don't have room in their life for the kids right now, or because collecting the kids, means seeing you and a mouthful of abuse, so they just stay away.

I still hold every detail about the separation from my eldest's son father, I used it for the courts to provide evidence to ensure I had custody and received financial support till he's 18th birthday. I have the paperwork from my divorce and we've kept all the paperwork detailing my husbands divorce, but it is all devoid of emotion and feelings. Peter and I have decided it's time to let these things go. We don't want the children to be mourning our deaths when it happens with the added upset of finding paperwork about their other parent(s) and tainting/damaging their memories of us all.

We remember these times, we also remember things differently, with time the things we thought were heartbreaking have actually turned out to be OK. Peter's son remembers the divorce, but he remembers it differently to us as we shielded him from a lot of the stuff, he was 11, it wasn't his fault or his responsibility.

Social Media wasn't around when we went through all of this, I'm glad it wasn't or I would have probably tweeted and/blogged in anger, or used forums to find support or just offload to. But I'm glad I didn't, that information would be there forever.

There are many consequences from blogging about stuff like this. Firstly, the children can read it, they could be exposed to things you've shielded them from, that could cause damage later on in life. Would you really like to read about the 'horrible' things your mother or father did to each other? Would you want to read about how your father refused to pay your mother any money? or read about their affair(s) in detail?

My eldest has never seen his father, but there is time, who knows one day he may, my other two children have a good relationship with their father, sadly my step children don't with their mother, but that is all from their own experiences with the relationships they've formed as they've become adults.

I cringe sometimes at the amount of stuff people post on social media, slagging ex partners off and individuals who have wronged them in their eyes. Bloggers often justify it as a way of warning others, claiming to offer advice and support should others find themselves in a similar situation, but there are ways of doing that without revealing personal details, slating the other party, discussing intimate details that remain online forever that could potentially damage your career, your friends, the other person and more importantly your children.

Don't just blog it, go and do it...Volunteer to make a difference.

I keep seeing what can only be described as 'jumping on the bandwagon' posts, tweets and Facebook updates.

It seems the whole world cares these days about every single issue.

A celebrity posts a photo of a hunter in Africa and the world jumps on board.

A newspaper publishes a photo of a boy, dead, washed up on the beach and everyone is writing about it and raising money by providing a link to a donation page to support the migrants who made it safely across the water.

A child goes missing or is murdered and the world stands still and asks how it could happen.

There's a Tsunami, a landslide, a bombing, 100's of people crushed. Everyday there is a news story about the plight of someone, a nation etc every single day.

Some stories become global, some are covered up, some never see the light of day.

But does 'jumping on the band wagon' when a story go global, actually help in anyway to change opinions, views, activities of individuals, groups, religion, countries or does it just raise awareness for a day, a few thousand pounds for a charity or just a case of having a clear out and donated unwanted items to a charity?

But what then? It simply becomes yesterday's news, tomorrow's chip papers and we all move back to our safe lives and await the next disaster.

I'm sure a lot of people feel better for it having reposted, made a donation or written a blog post with a donation link, but is it actually helping? changing lives long term or changing the way world behaves?

There have been many issues over the past few years that have touched my heart, made me think there for the grace of god go I. I did the ice bucket challenge and donated, I wrote a blog post. I had plenty of shares, comments and views but did my R200 actually make a difference to anyone's life? I have no idea, as I never went back to the organisation I donated to, to ask.

I've baked cakes for the Macmillan coffee morning, I've sponsored friends children to raise funds for their school/Children in Need but I've never asked, how my small donation added up with everyone else's, what the money was spent on? services or equipment? I have no idea.

So I stopped and I focused on supporting vulnerable children in South Africa. Yes I've asked for money for donations for a pushchair so a mother could take her disabled child with her to work so she didn't lose money. I've asked for money to buy sweets for children in informal settlements for Easter, money to bake cakes for a birthday or Christmas. I spent 4 years promoting a charity that collects and distributes over 100,000 gifts to disadvantaged children in South Africa, built and equipped a school a 2 hour drive west of Kruger National Park, helped locals in a search and rescue to find 3 boys swept away by floods. I've provided blankets for the needy in winter, helped women get into employment, trained teachers, painted shacks in local communities. I've supported an organisation with providing rape counselling.

Despite now living in Dubai, I've still supported these charities this year, making scarves and bags to sell to raise funds, blog posts and running social media accounts. I've raised funds from family and friends, but it just isn't enough.

Companies are ignoring me, charities won't work with me, jeez I can't even get a couple of online groups to RT me and promote the charity work I do. Why not? Because I don't tell individual's stories of their suffering, I don't post pictures of the vulnerable children or dare I say it I'm just NOT popular or influential for people to bother with me.

I'm not in it to look good, I'm not in it for the number of shares, likes and RT's on social media. I'm in it because this is what I do, support vulnerable children, raise funds (spend my own money) give my time, go back year on year to volunteer, support and just be there to help out in anyway I can.

I have a Go Fund Me page, I tried Just Giving, I've asked directly for donations and every penny and every item I've been given has gone directly to a child in need. Not one penny has been taken out for any kind of expense. I provide every receipt, I show you what was purchased and tell you where it was taken. Where I am allowed I will take a photo of the child/organisation to show you them with your donation, but they look happy in the pictures, because they are happy with the gift, they want to smile for the cameras and despite what you see in the media, poverty does not always mean upset.

I just know what else I can do, to make a bigger difference to the children and organisations I support other than just keep on giving them my time, which makes more of a difference to people's lives than it does 'jumping on the bandwagon' then moving onto the next 'popular' news item.

If anyone wants to know more about the projects I'm working on in South Africa in October and November please get in touch. In the meantime just give me shout out to my Go Fund Me page to see what I'm fundraising for and watch out for social media updates while I'm in South Africa to see how time given can actually change lives far more than just blogging about it.

Why I don't NEED to see THAT photo

I don't need to see the picture of what you had to eat tonight

I don't need to see the picture of your new born baby

I don't need to see the photo of your day out

I don't need to see the photo of the latest crafts you've made

I don't need to see the photo of your family pet


But I like to see the above


I like to see what you ate and where

I like to see the photo of your new born, I asked after all

I like to see the photo of your day out as I'm considering going there myself

I like to see the photo of the crafts you've made as I might like to make them myself

I like to see the photo of your family pet as I post numerous photos of mine


But I don't need to see


A photo of a woman's period stain

A woman breast feeding

A child being abused by their nanny

Someone being shot/raped/beaten to death

An animal kept in cruel conditions


Why?

Because I don't need to see images that either cause distress or are purely private moments, no matter how cruel or beautiful it is.

We've already had beheading videos and images doing the rounds, we all now you can access people have sex on the internet, both child and adult, but those images aren't considered appropriate for social media sites and are blocked, reported and removed.

I don't block or report the latest photo that so many are raving about (period stains) but I choose to remove it from my timeline. I'm not offended, I am a women, it happens to all of us, but I don't need to see it.

I know what is going on in the world, but I don't need to see endless images posted by endless people without any explanation as to why they've shared it, their reason's behind it, their thoughts and feelings on it and it's actually quite OK to talk about it and mention 'that picture' of the women with the period stained sheet and pants, discuss how the image makes one feel, the purpose of posting the photo but we don't need to keep posting the photo or do we?


What next?

Skid marks in knickers/poo in the toilet? is that beautiful? it's natural but I don't need to see photos of that either.

My Sunday Photo Week 10 Meeting other expats and making friends

An early Mother's Day lunch at The Raffles Hotel in Dubai, with my new friends.

My expat journey started in January 2011, 2 years on and I was still struggling to make friends, find my place in a new country and reinvent myself. Finally life started to settle down and then at the end of year 3, the kids having left home, just hubby and I with a cat and a dog, life started to be normal again. I still couldn't work but I'd established a network, I had friends, a social life, my volunteering was now a full time occupation. I felt I finally had something to contribute in life, I belonged.

Then in our 4th year, a visit to Dubai in January 2014, we were asked to consider another move. My first thought was 'No, I don't want to go, I'm not ready to up sticks and leave again, start over we knew South Africa wasn't going to be our forever home, but after fighting so hard to make things work I really didn't want it to come to an end just yet.

My biggest fear with relocating again was how I was going to meet people. I'm more established now on facebook and twitter and have connected with expats far and wide. This time with the move I made connections prior to moving, joined expat groups online, did more research on the country and unlike the first move had 2 visits prior to moving where I could explore, search for housing and generally get a feel of what would be my new home for how many years we are here for.

I met up with a group of expat ladies last week from all over the UK, I met one of them on social media though a project I'm taking part in called #Project365. I link up everyday with @theboyandme on twitter who runs the link. I take photo prompts from @Britmums #Snaphappybritmums and #fmsphotoaday. I've also added in my own hashtag #onedailypositive.

It has been my life saver. It motivates me. I plan the week in advance of where I'm going and what I'm doing to be able to take a photo that meets the challenges. I look for the positives in the day. It gives me a focus. It is also helping with fighting the depression as it makes life easier when you have friends and something to look forward to each week.

Of course in Dubai, unlike South Africa, I can travel and move around freely, I bump into people who say hello and smile and I don't think that they're looking at me as potential victim anymore.

I've met other expats before of course and I've joined many other groups, both online and face to face, but it hasn't been my thing. It's been too competitive, too unreal, too cliquey. This lot made me laugh, made me feel welcome, shared their expat experiences and then invited me to meet them again for coffee, shopping and lunches.

I wrote this post a while ago after a string of disastrous expat meet ups. Do you identify with they type of expat you are?

Internet Trolls

My interpretation of what an Internet Troll is, is a person who sets up false accounts to target a victim. I do not see someone who posts as themselves from a well established account, disagreeing with something you say as being a troll.

I'm so glad the internet never existed when I was a teenager, back in my day (1980's) it was snide notes passed round and comments scratched into school desks or graffiti on toilet doors. They were all anonymous comments also, but you had a fair idea who was writing it as your social network only extended to people who you could put a name to a face, knew where they lived, went to school, knew their parents, because you lived in the same area and went to the same school.

In the 'old days' if someone was saying things to your face or even behind your back, you had the option to walk away, spend your time with other people and do your best to avoid the verbal bullies. There were plenty of youth clubs, friday night disco's, plenty of space in the playground, lunch time clubs, after school clubs, you didn't have to interact and engage with the bullies, you simply had other options of places to go.

With todays social media explosion, it is harder to walk away, as when you're sat in front of computer screen or a phone, there's no where to walk to. You do however have the option to turn the device off, sign out of your account or even delete your account. You wouldn't stand there in the playground or the street and just listen to people slagging you off, you'd walk away, you'd report it, you may even argue back, but you wouldn't go and stand outside that persons house and spy on what they are saying about you, question their friends about what they are saying or listen in to their conversations, in case they were talking about you. What would be the point of that?

But you'll sit there in front of your computer screen or on your phone and scrawl through all their accounts, looking for proof that they're talking about you, slagging you off.

I've had many disagreements with people in the real world and on the internet. I know I've been in the wrong, in the right, or agreed to disagree. I've posted short, sharp comments in response to someone who is on the point of turning nasty, usually with a 2 word response beginning with an F. I also find that in real life that response works just as well. Where in real life I comment and turn on my heels to go, on the internet I just block.

In real life and online I stay clear now from issues of race. When I emphasised with someone once about being victimised based on my nationality and I was told I had no idea what it was like until the colour of my skin was used against me. This comment angered me as my experience was an face to face encounter I was told to 'eff off back to my own country and to shove my hockey stick up my c...' this was then followed by a block of ice being thrown at close range at my head, causing my head to bleed.

This was physical assault and there was evidence, it had been witnessed, it was immaterial what I'd said, which was 'please stop throwing food at our table' but it could be dealt with as their was physical evidence. it's not the same when it's online, the intonation can't be heard, the written word can be misinterpreted and I'm sure half the time when I've responded with 'eff off' it's because I've received the wrong message from 140 characters in a tweet.

But back to trolling. In 2010 I tweeted with @CalumBest, jeez I'm at least 20 years older than him, so not his usual audience. I responded to someone else's tweets about addiction and he replied. I then had loads of tweets from young women on twitter telling me to stay away from him. I made a mistake, I interacted and it became abusive, as quick as I was blocking new accounts more were being set up, with false names, the same profile picture.

It was annoying, I steered clear of it, kept blocking, stopped replying, then things changed. She was tweeting me that she was outside my house, watching through my kitchen window, she threatened to kill me if I ever tweeted Calum Best again, she said she had followed me to work.

I showed hubby, his suggestion was to close my twitter account and open a new one, but I had friends on there, genuine ones. I didn't want to give in to the bully. A 23 yo on twitter with an established account contacted me to say she was being bullied by the same person and receiving similar threats, she was in Edinburgh, where the false accounts had been set up according to their profiles but there was no evidence of the tweets and then I discovered she was following all the accounts that had targeted me, but they weren't following her back, like they'd done with me. I contacted her via DM, as a friend, said we should get together to report this to the police, told her I had hired an investigator to search and had found out who this person was making the threats, where they lived and workda y told her about a friend of mine, Emily, who's internet bully had been jailed for 3 months for making death threats on Facebook.

And then it stopped, all of it stopped, I blocked her, the troll. I went to my local police station to report it. I was told by the police exactly what my husband had told me.....'delete your account'.

Why? the bullies/trolls win that way. What I've learnt though is not to get involved, not to respond, not to advertise the trolling, just to block and walk away, just like I did back in the 'old days' when i was a teenager, before social media began.

I'm not sure how the courts are going to manage this new law of up to 2 years in jail for internet trolls surely a lot of the abuse is difficult to distinguish. Yes a direct threat of rape or murder whether written or spoken is a matter for police, but telling someone they are a vile human being in response to something they've said isn't a matter for the courts. It is still abuse, but how is this going to be policed?

You're not perfect either.

For some parents out there who blog about other parents looking down on them, remember this......
when you blog about how the perfect mummy made a mistake or told you how 'perfect' their family are, just remember they are probably telling you this because without knowing it you're probably the person that made them feel inferior in the first place and the reason why perhaps they need to show off to your face, rather than through a blog post. Just remember that next time you go to put someone down, maybe there is a reason they've behaved like that.

I unfollowed a mass of tweeters that do just that, sometimes I was able to read between the lines (140 characters and see just who they were talking about). I don't follow any blogs, but I do click on links on twitter that catch my attention.

There seems to be a change in how blogs are being written, everyone is the expert, professional and their way is the right way, this in turn is leading to a lot of negative blog posts about how wrong these self proclaimed experts are. I think a lot of it comes from some people wanting to add the words 'award winning blogger' to their profiles.

The thing to remember is, that on social media we all come from different backgrounds, different cultures/communities and actually have little in common with one another online. I wrote previously about parenting support in the good old day before social media.

And if your child doesn't get picked to take the lead in the school play or come first at sports day, what's the worse that can happen to them? Most of the time the child isn't actually that bothered, but as parents it seems important to some that their child is the most popular.

As per usual when I tweet or blog something like this I get a string on responses from people who ask 'who me?' it rarely ever is, but it is so reassuring to know that there are people out there that still care about how their opinions on others can upset.

Please note I've used the word 'some' and not 'all' so try not to get offended and please be aware I will be honest with any responses to comments, because I, like 'some' don't believe in playing the game to appear to fit in.

Things I hate about Social media and Mug & Tweet Book review.

This blog posted started last week and has been edited many times, it's not my intention to alienate anyone and rather tough if you think I'm talking about you and only you. I decided to scrap the post after the rant had subscribed but then I was asked to review a book by Rich Simmonds' 'Mug and Tweet, Social Communication in the digital age'

Now my first thought was 'it's my social media, don't tell me how I should use it' but as the book was given to me by a friend of the author I thought I really should make the time to read it. I lack 'skill and grace' when dealing with things that wind me up and I open my mouth (send tweets) without actually thinking about the best way to communicate effectively.

I had a mini melt down last week on and about Twitter which has resulted in me unfollowing a large number of people.

I'm fed up of seeing the same hashtags & product reviews by the same people and don't get me started on the bloody blogging awards and 'vote for me' posts doing the rounds at the moment.

I don't hate blog posts about people's lives and experiences. I don't follow or subscribe to any blogs at all, I just pick up links from twitter and Facebook and if the title and introduction catch my attention, I click and read. 

I blog about family life as an expat, food, travel, up cycling and charity work. I don't fit a niche, but I have a varied life that throws new challenges up at me daily. My blog is read in the real world, by people who aren't on social media sites, by family and friends, with a large chuck of my 9000 hits per month being world wide and a lot of interest via Russia and China, but those referral sites are a little dodgy to say the least. If like me, and you don't like what you read, then unfollow, walk away as you would do in real life if someone on the street was spouting crap at you for hours on end. 

So what has Rich Simmonds' book taught me about Social Communication in a digital age?  It has taught me the importance of keeping the private life and the business life separate and I'm thinking it could be time now to decide on what type of blogging focus I should have. The kids have left home, so my advice on parenting teenagers probably isn't relative to many people who are at that stage. What about travel Blogging? Yes I do a lot of travelling and living in South Africa there are numerous opportunities even if it is all local things. Food and up cycling posts? I don't really do many and I've been told my style of writing and general haphazard approach to it, just isn't of interest to the leading retailers. 

So what does it leave me with? Charity blogging and fundraising, that's what. I work full time as a volunteer, I'm involved in so many projects that I'm working sometimes 40+ hours a week, either at a facility or behind the scenes researching, fundraising and contacting sponsors.

I guess you could say I haven't really done a review of the book yet, as I've nothing to share with you about my findings, but I've read it, I've made notes and I'm going to try and apply it to a new blog and twitter account, one that focuses on fundraising, charity and education and hopefully keep all the crap on this blog and learn to fit the mould if I want to be successful in encouraging sponsors and donations to come my way.

And if Rich Simmonds' is reading this and fancies following up on Chapter 13, I'm free to meet for that coffee.

Mug and Tweet was published today and is available to buy online.