Claire sat on the bench by the river and picked up her pen and writing pad off the bench beside her and started to write the most painful letter she had ever attempted in her life.
Dear John
Hi
Dear John
I know this may come as a bit of a shock
Dear John
John
I’m sorry we need to talk, call me
Claire
She had arrived at Heathrow with nowhere to go and no one to go to she just knew she needed to go home where it all began and write this letter to explain. After following the signs and locating the ticket office, Claire got on the coach and went home. She had changed, a lot had happened over the past 17 years and she needed to put things right.
24 hours earlier
‘Bollocks’ said Claire as she rammed the book she had been reading into the pocket of the seat in front of her. She wasn’t in a good mood, it had been a long flight and the lard arse woman next to her had been elbowing her all the journey, spilling over into her seat and requesting she move what seemed like every 5 minutes to go to the loo. On the last occasion Claire had moved into the window seat and had pretended to be asleep, but the woman complained to the air steward who made them swop back.
The woman next to her, tutted and muttered something about Claire’s choice of words. Claire replied a bit louder than she intended to ‘fuck off, next time you want two seats on a flight pay for 2 and stop spilling over into mine’. The woman started to cry, pressed her button, heaved herself on her feet, waking the man in front by pulling hard on his chair who spun round and told her if she got up one more bloody time and disturbed him he wouldn’t be held responsible for his actions, she sat back down crying heavily. Claire cancelled her call and offered her the serviette from the in flight meal earlier, bloody typical thought Claire, this woman is getting on my nerves, making me uncomfortable, disturbing others and I’m the one consoling her.
Claire turned her attention back to the book she’d finished reading earlier, chick lit, feel good factor, I could write better than this...girl meets boy, loses her job, parents die, boy treats her badly, starts knitting/baking/gets discovered, flies to exotic island, meets unlikely guy a bit of a cad, handsome, rich turns out to be a movie/hotel/music mogul who nurtures her unseen/know talent, she falls in love, he’s with someone else, unaware that sexually she doesn’t exist, his girlfriend, usually fiancé is a perfect size 0 or whatever the current trend is, discovers his girlfriend/fiancé is on the take, double crossing him with a rival, he finds out the day before the wedding, she delivers the news, he hates her for ruining his life, months pass, a chance meeting and he ends up saving her life for some unknown reason, and promptly falls in love with her size 14 curvy figure. Oh Mr. Darcy
Oh bollocks, bollocks, bollocks, and bloody bollocks
Why me, Claire thought she left school with her 5 O levels and 3GCSEs in English, Maths and Science. So what if her actual ‘O’ levels were soft subjects, according to her Mother, history, human biology, music, pottery and art. She moved onto college for a year and completed a diploma in business studies then spent the next 12 months stuck in the top floor of a building, filing papers which were more than 20 years old for a tax firm, they said they were going to train her up, what that actually meant was you go up there and be quiet and we’ll pay you a reasonable amount of money for the next 25 years or so.
School was a bore, Claire wasn’t blessed with being part of the in crowd and she certainly wasn’t a swot, but she worked hard and achieved very little, well little that her parents acknowledged, since when did A for effort and C for achievement become such a failure? She was good at music and sport but could hardly make a career out of it, she dreamt of being a backing musician in a band, but who had oboes in a band these days and she absolutely hated classical music which she was forced to play, she attained grade 7 age 14 and gave the stupid thing up, what was the point? The same with sports, she lived in a sleepy town, the school travelled all of 20 miles to neighbouring schools for competitions and the nearest academy to nurture and develop her skills was at least an hours drive away and it interfered with her mother’s yoga/dance/gym class whatever stupid fad she was into at the time that never lasted and anyway Claire started smoking at 14 out of boredom, because it was cool, because everyone else was doing it, well no one in the music group, or athletics club did nor the in crowd, but Claire had found a group of kids she felt she fitted in with and having a friend was important to her.
Claire never got into any trouble at school but didn’t exactly make that much of an effort either, all her reports said could try harder. All the swots were called Louise, Rachel, Sarah, Gail and the in crowd called Tamara, Elise, Roxanna and bloody Phillipa , call me Pip for short, tee hee hee hee.
They weren’t exactly the prettiest but they had style, the older sisters, the boyfriends, the parents who let them have parties and more importantly they lived in the town and not the bloody back of beyond.
Claire didn’t like the latest fashions, her mother bought all the clothes for her, but she didn’t feel right in them, she wasn’t dowdy by any means but she was comfy in her jeans, leggings, pixie boots and slightly oversized back wing jumpers with fluorescent socks and plastic bangles sort of a Madonna combined with Pepsi and Shirley look, with her black hair chopped short,
She knew she was a disappointment to her mother, who was part of the in crowd, she socialised with the in crowd girls parents from school, well, on the edge anyway, Claries mother thought herself grander than the other women, more attractive, richer after all she had the house on the hill on the neighbouring village to the town, but she never really fitted in, they tolerated her, as she regaled them with her trips to Europe, her latest spoils from duty free, her over powering poison perfume or channel number 5 from when her husband flew out of Europe, it was probably knock off, just like her Cartier watch. Claire’s mother embarrassed her, from an early age she only let Claire invite certain friends from school to her lavish birthday parties, with caterers and clowns hired, friends handpicked because their father was a doctor or their mother a solicitor, while Claries mother was a nothing, her words nobody else’s, she decided not to work, she’d married well or so she thought. Claire’s father was a quiet man in fact he was timid and scared of his wife, not in a physical sense but scared of saying or doing the wrong thing, showing his wife up as she screeched at him on many an occasion, she was too good for him, he was lucky to have her, Claire’s father fought back by keeping a close reign on the purse strings, which were spiralling out of control, with his wife’s over indulgence for clothes and furnishings, he didn’t tell her how bad things were, they weren’t poor, but they were certainly living beyond their means and at 17 with Claire just starting out in the world of work with her pitiful salary, they put the house on the market, her mother told everyone it was because her husband had been offered a fantastic promotion and they were moving away, but in reality he had been overlooked on several occasions for promotion and was now being side stepped and moved to a desk job up north and no one would find out anyway and it was a great opportunity for Claires mother to reinvent herself, even she after 17 years could see that everyone knew she wasn’t trying to be something shed never succeed at. Around the same time her grandmother died, old age, and that was that no more family, her parents were in their 40s when she was born and had no aunts and uncles to speak of And that was the last time Claire saw her parents for a very long time, in fact now aged 35 she was flying back to the UK to see if time had mellowed her mum and toughened up her father, but she didn’t hold out much hope for that.
Claires saving grace was her older brother, born when her mother was 24, a mistake as she never failed to mention, Claire was 2 when he left home aged 18 to go to university, her mother never understood why he cut them out of their lives and Claire couldn’t believe he had abandoned her, he kept in touch with Claire, letter and gifts and visits which fizzled out as she got into her teens as her mother became more demanding but Claire always knew where he was and who he was with.
Her brother James was married to a lovely woman who Claire on her rare contact with them adored, she was friendly, they had 2 beautiful children born 12 and 15 years after Claire, she’d last spent time with them properly in 1992 after their second child was a year old and they emigrated to Australia where her brother worked as an engineer and her SIL was a nurse, they hired a nanny and their empire grew. Of course Claires mother regaled in all of this...my son this...my son that so of course when they announced their own move north 2 years later, Claire just couldn’t be bothered any more and stayed put. She had just turned 17.
Claire moved into a bedsit in town, she worked hard every day, she had to share a bathroom and a kitchen with 2 others, an old bloke who was actually only 37 but Claire thought that was old and one of the in crowd girls from school, who’s parents had emigrated and she just couldn’t bare to be parted from her trophy boyfriend of 18 months, but she left shortly, in a flood of tears after the most amazing cat fight ever seen in the town and still talked about today after discovering he was two timing her with her best mate.
Claire didn’t have much money and rarely went out, her mother gave here a few bits and pieces before they moved, mainly the crap she didn’t want, told Claire she was cutting her allowance, which her mother thought was generous, but hardly kept Claire in cigarettes for the week to teach her a valuable life lesson on survival, after Claire had refused to move with them, her mother was actually rather grateful as their new place, a detached property was only 2 bedrooms but it did have the right postal address and was still slightly out of their reach in terms of affording it, but her mother put her foot down, again and that was that.
Tuesday, 31 January 2012
Stuck in a rut? Baby steps, is all it takes
Today is a day for Blogging...well it's the last day of the month and the internet gets reset tomorrow, so it would be silly not to use it up.
This weeks #groovymum challenge by kateonthinice is all about Baby steps and how to take them through a variety of challenges that Kate sets each week. You can link your blog post here http://kateonthinice.wordpress.com/2012/01/31/what-are-the-baby-steps-to-changing-your-life/
I have till Monday to put this blog up, but life throws me enough challenges and I have more than enough to do without creating new ones, so in time honoured tradition (this blog hop has only been running since September 2011) I will reflect on the week and see where I met these challenges.
1. Body – Sign up to do a Sports Relief Mile. Check out http://www.sportrelief.com/the-mile There are challenges of varying types for different levels of fitness so do take a look whether you are a rampant runner or a slouch potato.
OK NOT FOR ME, UNLESS ANYONE KNOWS HOW I CAN DO THIS FROM SOUTH AFRICA, BUT I'M ALREADY GIVING MY TIME FREELY HERE AND SWIMMING A MILE A DAY IN THE POOL AT THE GYM
2. Mind – Do you have a favourite artist? Would you like to know more about art? How can you incorporate more art in your life? Blog about it and tell us more.
NO I DONT HAVE A FAVOURITE ARTIST, BUT I KNOW WHAT I LIKE AND WHAT I DON'T LIKE AND I HATE/LOATHE (TOO STRONG?) I CAN'T STAND THE KIND OF ART THE EVOKES THE 'EMPORERS NEW COAT' REACTION. HUBBY WAS GIVEN THIS PIECE OF ART WORK, I THINK MY YEAR OLD NIECE COULD DO IT, IT MAY BE WORTH A FEW HUNDRED POUNDS, BUT IT'S WORTHLESS TO ME AS I DON'T LIKE IT.
3. Spirit – Have you ever meditated or found other ways to calm the soul? Is this something you might like to investigate further? Tell us about it and then we can all learn new methods that might work for us.
I'VE TRIED RELAXATION TAPES, USING THE ONES GIVEN OUT AT TRAINING COURSES, YOU KNOW THE TYPE ON TEAM BUILDING DAYS. IF IT'S SUGGESTED I RELAX, OR I'M FORCED TO RELAX, MY STRESS LEVELS GO THROUGH THE BLOODY ROOF...SO NO SUGGESTIONS, JUST EACH TO THEIR OWN.
4. Blogging – You are a woman and you will have women in your world, alive or dead, who matter to you. Why not write 90 words (or more or less) about her and link up to this charity blog hop for Breakthrough Breast Cancer? Cllick here to take part or to read stories of some rather wonderful women http://kateonthinice.wordpress.com/2012/01/26/i-am-looking-for-90-bloggers-to-support-breakthrough-breast-cancer/
THERE’S NOT AN EVENT OR OCCASSION THAT GOES BY WITHOUT ME THINKING OF MY GRAN. SHE WAS STRONG, HELD FORCEFUL OPINIONS, BUT SHE WAS PROUD OF ME AND SHE NEVER FAILED TO TELL ME THIS.
SHE DIED ON OCTOBER 14TH 2005 AGED 92 OF OLD AGE, HELPED ALONG WITH LUNG CANCER.
I WISH I COULD TELL HER ABOUT MY NEW LIFE IN SOUTH AFRICA, OF HOW WELL THE CHILDREN ARE DOING AND SEND HER ENDLESS PHOTOS AND LETTERS SHE COULD SHOW OFF TO HER FRIENDS.
I'm afraid I was very taken into hospital a few days after this picture was taken with viral meningitus, hence why I look so ill.
I WISH SHE WAS HERE.
5. Special Days – It is National Storytelling Week and you can find out more here http://sfs.org.uk/nswevents2012 Why not ring the changes and write up a short story on your blog?
YOU WANT A SHORT STORY FOR MY BLOG. I DON'T HAVE A SHORT STORY BUT I DO HAVE CHAPTER ONE OF A STORY I'VE BEEN WRITING YOU CAN READ HERE
http://www.chickenruby.com/2012/01/chapter-one-unedited.html
6. The Big Question – Who are you? Take this as you will. Blog about who you are or perhaps write an “About Me” page for your blog. Is it easy or challenging to say who you are? What can you learn from that?
UP AND RUNNING, INFACT BEEN ONTO IT TODAY CHECK OUT WHO'S THE CHICKEN HERE http://www.chickenruby.com/p/who-is-chicken.html
This weeks #groovymum challenge by kateonthinice is all about Baby steps and how to take them through a variety of challenges that Kate sets each week. You can link your blog post here http://kateonthinice.wordpress.com/2012/01/31/what-are-the-baby-steps-to-changing-your-life/
I have till Monday to put this blog up, but life throws me enough challenges and I have more than enough to do without creating new ones, so in time honoured tradition (this blog hop has only been running since September 2011) I will reflect on the week and see where I met these challenges.
1. Body – Sign up to do a Sports Relief Mile. Check out http://www.sportrelief.com/the-mile There are challenges of varying types for different levels of fitness so do take a look whether you are a rampant runner or a slouch potato.
OK NOT FOR ME, UNLESS ANYONE KNOWS HOW I CAN DO THIS FROM SOUTH AFRICA, BUT I'M ALREADY GIVING MY TIME FREELY HERE AND SWIMMING A MILE A DAY IN THE POOL AT THE GYM
2. Mind – Do you have a favourite artist? Would you like to know more about art? How can you incorporate more art in your life? Blog about it and tell us more.
NO I DONT HAVE A FAVOURITE ARTIST, BUT I KNOW WHAT I LIKE AND WHAT I DON'T LIKE AND I HATE/LOATHE (TOO STRONG?) I CAN'T STAND THE KIND OF ART THE EVOKES THE 'EMPORERS NEW COAT' REACTION. HUBBY WAS GIVEN THIS PIECE OF ART WORK, I THINK MY YEAR OLD NIECE COULD DO IT, IT MAY BE WORTH A FEW HUNDRED POUNDS, BUT IT'S WORTHLESS TO ME AS I DON'T LIKE IT.
3. Spirit – Have you ever meditated or found other ways to calm the soul? Is this something you might like to investigate further? Tell us about it and then we can all learn new methods that might work for us.
I'VE TRIED RELAXATION TAPES, USING THE ONES GIVEN OUT AT TRAINING COURSES, YOU KNOW THE TYPE ON TEAM BUILDING DAYS. IF IT'S SUGGESTED I RELAX, OR I'M FORCED TO RELAX, MY STRESS LEVELS GO THROUGH THE BLOODY ROOF...SO NO SUGGESTIONS, JUST EACH TO THEIR OWN.
4. Blogging – You are a woman and you will have women in your world, alive or dead, who matter to you. Why not write 90 words (or more or less) about her and link up to this charity blog hop for Breakthrough Breast Cancer? Cllick here to take part or to read stories of some rather wonderful women http://kateonthinice.wordpress.com/2012/01/26/i-am-looking-for-90-bloggers-to-support-breakthrough-breast-cancer/
THERE’S NOT AN EVENT OR OCCASSION THAT GOES BY WITHOUT ME THINKING OF MY GRAN. SHE WAS STRONG, HELD FORCEFUL OPINIONS, BUT SHE WAS PROUD OF ME AND SHE NEVER FAILED TO TELL ME THIS.
SHE DIED ON OCTOBER 14TH 2005 AGED 92 OF OLD AGE, HELPED ALONG WITH LUNG CANCER.
I WISH I COULD TELL HER ABOUT MY NEW LIFE IN SOUTH AFRICA, OF HOW WELL THE CHILDREN ARE DOING AND SEND HER ENDLESS PHOTOS AND LETTERS SHE COULD SHOW OFF TO HER FRIENDS.
I'm afraid I was very taken into hospital a few days after this picture was taken with viral meningitus, hence why I look so ill.
I WISH SHE WAS HERE.
5. Special Days – It is National Storytelling Week and you can find out more here http://sfs.org.uk/nswevents2012 Why not ring the changes and write up a short story on your blog?
YOU WANT A SHORT STORY FOR MY BLOG. I DON'T HAVE A SHORT STORY BUT I DO HAVE CHAPTER ONE OF A STORY I'VE BEEN WRITING YOU CAN READ HERE
http://www.chickenruby.com/2012/01/chapter-one-unedited.html
6. The Big Question – Who are you? Take this as you will. Blog about who you are or perhaps write an “About Me” page for your blog. Is it easy or challenging to say who you are? What can you learn from that?
UP AND RUNNING, INFACT BEEN ONTO IT TODAY CHECK OUT WHO'S THE CHICKEN HERE http://www.chickenruby.com/p/who-is-chicken.html
Dealing with a complaint, during and after the event
If you pay a company a large sum of money to move your belongings to the other side of the world, where do you think their responsibilty ends?
The moment they take your money or the moment your belongings arrive are unpacked and checked for breakages.
We paid an agent with Britannia Movers the best part of £4,000 to quote, pack, insure, ship, provide necessary paperwork for customs, pay all fees relating to the move, contact the agent this end and should our container disappear answer the bloody emails within 5 working days to help...no scrub that, not help...do the job we paid them for.
So when the agent in the UK doesn't respond within 5 days (granted 2 of the days were a weekend) fails to notify you your container has reached customs and now customs want to charge you for storage, fail to tell the agents this end where they are delivering to and you end up driving between johannesburg and Pretoria with a customs forms in triplicate, finding witnesses to sign the forms also, all without a car, a sat nav and the realistic fear of crime in South Africa , having only been in the country 8 weeks. What do you do?
You email Britannia-Movers that's what.
Oh don't get your hopes up, they replied with 'we've contacted the UK agents and they say all is good' you then reply with 'all isn't good, I don't know where my container is' and get OUT OF OFFICE MESSAGE.
So 9 months on, this has been simmering, as per bloody usual I just got on with it, fed and entertained 8 removsl men who turned up at my hpouse for 2 days on the row ready to unpack a container that had disappeared.
I emailled Britannia-Movers again today...this is their response and my reply....please note they copied in the UK agent.
Dear Mr and Mrs *****,
Thank you for your email today. We have reviewed your file and can revert as follows.
We forwarded your e-mails to Britannia ******** whose responsibility it was to answer their customer’s complaint and who assured us at the time that they had addressed the issues that you raised in your original complaint (as per email exchange with Britannia ******** hereafter).
Britannia ******** feel that the issues you raised shortly after your removal were addressed to the best of their ability and we are sorry that you felt you had to write to us again.
We would like to take this opportunity to wish you well for the future.
Yours sincerely,
******
Your response is less than satisfactory, you and ******** may feel you dealt with our complaints at the time but your lack of getting back to me, your assumption that ******** had dealt with the issues raised is less than professional. Copying ******** in on your response is unprofessional, I raised the issue with you and your lack of response, your lack of committment to worldwide customers.
I would like you to provide me with your line managers email address to enable me to take this matter up at a higher level.
Suzanne *****
The moment they take your money or the moment your belongings arrive are unpacked and checked for breakages.
We paid an agent with Britannia Movers the best part of £4,000 to quote, pack, insure, ship, provide necessary paperwork for customs, pay all fees relating to the move, contact the agent this end and should our container disappear answer the bloody emails within 5 working days to help...no scrub that, not help...do the job we paid them for.
So when the agent in the UK doesn't respond within 5 days (granted 2 of the days were a weekend) fails to notify you your container has reached customs and now customs want to charge you for storage, fail to tell the agents this end where they are delivering to and you end up driving between johannesburg and Pretoria with a customs forms in triplicate, finding witnesses to sign the forms also, all without a car, a sat nav and the realistic fear of crime in South Africa , having only been in the country 8 weeks. What do you do?
You email Britannia-Movers that's what.
Oh don't get your hopes up, they replied with 'we've contacted the UK agents and they say all is good' you then reply with 'all isn't good, I don't know where my container is' and get OUT OF OFFICE MESSAGE.
So 9 months on, this has been simmering, as per bloody usual I just got on with it, fed and entertained 8 removsl men who turned up at my hpouse for 2 days on the row ready to unpack a container that had disappeared.
I emailled Britannia-Movers again today...this is their response and my reply....please note they copied in the UK agent.
Dear Mr and Mrs *****,
Thank you for your email today. We have reviewed your file and can revert as follows.
We forwarded your e-mails to Britannia ******** whose responsibility it was to answer their customer’s complaint and who assured us at the time that they had addressed the issues that you raised in your original complaint (as per email exchange with Britannia ******** hereafter).
Britannia ******** feel that the issues you raised shortly after your removal were addressed to the best of their ability and we are sorry that you felt you had to write to us again.
We would like to take this opportunity to wish you well for the future.
Yours sincerely,
******
Your response is less than satisfactory, you and ******** may feel you dealt with our complaints at the time but your lack of getting back to me, your assumption that ******** had dealt with the issues raised is less than professional. Copying ******** in on your response is unprofessional, I raised the issue with you and your lack of response, your lack of committment to worldwide customers.
I would like you to provide me with your line managers email address to enable me to take this matter up at a higher level.
Suzanne *****
Being a SAHM does not mean I've lost my idenity
I'm not a SAHM through choice, our move to South Africa has forced it upon me, I can volunteer, I can continue with my studies...yeah I love jumping through hoops. I can blog, tidy up the photo albums, do crafts, paint my nails, go out for coffee, relax in/by the pool, tidy and rearrange the house within an inch of it's life....but it's not my thing...not really. But a year on, I'm starting to embrace it.
I've worked full time since 1988, minus 3 short breaks on maternity leave, periods of unemployment due to health/injuries at work, moving house and inheriting 2 step children, but when I've not been working, I've been studying.
But last year it all went, I became a SAHM, I'm not a yummy muumy or even a MILF (flattered by those over 18 that have called me one though) I'm not even sure I qualify as a SAHM as my kids were 12 & 16 when this happened, it's been years since I've labelled clothes, sent in spare pants to school, just in case, attended open evenings or gone within a 3 mile radius of a PTA without copious amounts of wine and only then because a friend has twisted my arm to help them as they've taken too much on 'you're so good at this, plurease'
I don't classify myself as a yummy mummy, I don't get my nails done, meet with the ladies for lunch, hold little charity events and being the owner of a Radley handbag and Birkenstocks does not elevate me into the ranks of a MILF.
So what am I?
According to the school information sheet I'm a Home Excutive...nah, that's not me either, I juggle time tables, lift shares, homework, but we don't have a maid, I do my own cleaning and ironing and to be honest the gardener we employ one day a week feels like I'm offering a community service.
I was saddened this week to read tweets and a blog by someone who thought being a SAHM was unimportant, having not signed up to it when they married/had children. I don't resent being at home all day, having given up a career lecturing and working in child welfare, stopping my studies, moving away from family and friends...I just worry about the future me, what becomes of me when the last child leaves home, if we return to the UK or move to another country, I'm 40 years of age, soon the world will have past me by and I'll not be fit for the workplace.
So what can I do about it?
Well, I still have to be here for the kids from school and run them to their various activities, cook clean, wash, iron and be chief bottle washer, but I can still broaden my horizons, I can read, I can study my area of expertise, I can keep up to date with current issues and I can use my skills to volunteer in a worthy area, I've been touting for 'work' (no one will pay me http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Economic_Empowerment ) I can build up a worthy CV of my time and experience in South Africa to put to use in the future.
But the one think I understand about being a SAHM, the one thing that gets to me, that causes me the most grief, is the isolation, the feeling of having no value and every day I fend the question 'So what does your husband do for work?'
I've worked full time since 1988, minus 3 short breaks on maternity leave, periods of unemployment due to health/injuries at work, moving house and inheriting 2 step children, but when I've not been working, I've been studying.
But last year it all went, I became a SAHM, I'm not a yummy muumy or even a MILF (flattered by those over 18 that have called me one though) I'm not even sure I qualify as a SAHM as my kids were 12 & 16 when this happened, it's been years since I've labelled clothes, sent in spare pants to school, just in case, attended open evenings or gone within a 3 mile radius of a PTA without copious amounts of wine and only then because a friend has twisted my arm to help them as they've taken too much on 'you're so good at this, plurease'
I don't classify myself as a yummy mummy, I don't get my nails done, meet with the ladies for lunch, hold little charity events and being the owner of a Radley handbag and Birkenstocks does not elevate me into the ranks of a MILF.
So what am I?
According to the school information sheet I'm a Home Excutive...nah, that's not me either, I juggle time tables, lift shares, homework, but we don't have a maid, I do my own cleaning and ironing and to be honest the gardener we employ one day a week feels like I'm offering a community service.
I was saddened this week to read tweets and a blog by someone who thought being a SAHM was unimportant, having not signed up to it when they married/had children. I don't resent being at home all day, having given up a career lecturing and working in child welfare, stopping my studies, moving away from family and friends...I just worry about the future me, what becomes of me when the last child leaves home, if we return to the UK or move to another country, I'm 40 years of age, soon the world will have past me by and I'll not be fit for the workplace.
So what can I do about it?
Well, I still have to be here for the kids from school and run them to their various activities, cook clean, wash, iron and be chief bottle washer, but I can still broaden my horizons, I can read, I can study my area of expertise, I can keep up to date with current issues and I can use my skills to volunteer in a worthy area, I've been touting for 'work' (no one will pay me http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Economic_Empowerment ) I can build up a worthy CV of my time and experience in South Africa to put to use in the future.
But the one think I understand about being a SAHM, the one thing that gets to me, that causes me the most grief, is the isolation, the feeling of having no value and every day I fend the question 'So what does your husband do for work?'
January's Letter home
So it's been over a year now since we arrived, still so many things to see, places to go and things to sort. This month I've been tackling a list of complaints and renewals for car and house insurance.
The UK Banks Santander and HSBC (overdrafts, change of address and missold policies)
Vodafone (lack of customer service)
Britannia removal firm (their continued failure to reply to my emails asking for help, which yes has now been resolved but all by me, funny that I don't recall paying myself 4K to do it)
Barlowworld Toyota (we will get back to you in 4 days, 11th Jan, in regards to the silly little problem of replacing a valve)
I've synced my diaries...well written down everything off all the bits of paper that have come home from school onto the wall calender and my handbag diary.
Written birthday cards up till the end of March for MIL to post from the UK, sent just as many emails to family and friends, updated facebook, twitter and my blogs and started an Instagram of a picture a day to reflect where i've been, what I've seen or what I've done.
So this months letter home is as follows. I've obviously personalised it with each and everyone.
'Wanted to wait a while before replying just in case anything exciting happened, like a herd of elephants on a drive or an unexpected trip to Bloemfontein or Alex back in hospital after a Heely accident.
Peter's mum was here for 3 weeks, it was lovely to have her, this is the 2nd full day with the kids back in school since she left and I'm missing the company..oh well...cant have it all.
We were in Durban for 3 days it was 40c and 89% humidity without any clouds, so hot our skin literally peeled off our bodies.
Dan was 17 this month and he went with Peter and his mates to Wanderers stadium in Jo'burg to watch SA v Sri Lanka, they were sitting right behind the batsman and were omn the telly every shot, they had a fab day, I stayed home watching crappy films and sleeping.
Alex is fine after his heely accident (official version was a stone jammed under his wheel, I suspect he was being towed by his mates in a golf cart) just a massive black eye which a week on is now green, bless him, the following day he was off to Durban on his school trip and Dan was somewhere in the mountains on his. Peter and I took the opportunity to drive to Bloemfontein for a night away (5 hr journey, combined with work) but it was time away without the kids, which is always nice.
We are starting to make a network of friends now on the estate and have started a school lift share, which I love, Peter takes to school and two other parents collect Alex after school and Dan after sport, I've given the kids a key so I dont have to rush back from swimming at the gym or shopping.
Jamie is coming out in May for 2 weeks, that's the hardest part of living here, is not just being there for the kids when they need us, probably would've gone months without seeing him in the uk anyway...lol. An old school friend is coming to stay also in March, I've seen her once in 20 years and that was in December, will be interesting to see how we get on. We are off for lunch in Soweto next month with a guy we met who is from there.
Still no word from the olympics, im resigned to the fact i havent got it, that way it will be a nice surprise.
Love to everyone
Suzanne and Peter'
I've also set myself a few tasks for February and hope that writing them down on my blog will prompt me to get on with them and blog them next month.
Get a post box...I'm fed up of post being stolen/going missing. We had one birthday card and one letter from the UK and two bills from Telkom arrive in January, the first post since October.
Plan a trip to Soweto for lunch out, make gifts, sort photos, find out if I've got the Olympic gig, book son's flight, get Dan's provisional driving licence (no additional charge for family members on insurance with OUTsurance) I have an appointment to see Discovery about how med aid works (fed up of being fobbed off by agent) I need to get my police check sorted so I can donate some more time with The Baby house and I have a few leads to follow about volunteer teaching in an informal settlement in Mamelodi.
Sunday, 29 January 2012
Life in South Africa has a 'normal' feel to it now
So linking up with kateonthinice over on groovymums.
http://kateonthinice.wordpress.com/2012/01/24/why-not-use-chinese-new-year-as-a-reason-to-make-a-fresh-start/
I thought I'd combine the challenges with my normal blog this week and write about how 1 year on in South Africa how things are starting to feel ‘normal’
Not normal as in school run, work, housework, school run, tea, activities, bed time, tweet, shower and collapse...that pretty much continues minus the collapse, we are all getting much better sleep here, despite waking at 5.30am evey morning without the aid of the alarm, we go to bed earlier, the kids (teenagers are in bed and asleep by 9.30pm most nights) We are outdoors more, I swim every day, we walk, hubby plays golf every weekend without fail and the kids have sports every day at school, all that fresh air and we sleep soundly...mind you it does also help that the TV is mainly crap.
Normal as in we argue, we row, the kids continue to make a mess, leave wet towels on the floor, moan about their lack of internet time, pocket money, homework etc etc...You know how it goes. But normal as in ‘what’s South African and what’s English?’
Everything is merging now, ‘do they sell that brand in the UK? Haven’t I seen that chain of stores somewhere in Europe? Coffee is the same as the UK isn’t it? And I’m even drinking the local tea *shocked faces*
Yesterday morning hubby and I took advantage of the kids not being here (school trip) and we wenr away for the night. Now I used to travel with hubby everywhere, even when we had kids (advantage of second marriages and long live ex partners with their child care) Europe, the States and all round the UK, leaving the older children at home with a neighbour should they need them (or have a party) but we’ve not been able to do that for a year since moving to South Africa, we have no network, no support, no one to call at a minutes’ notice if there’s a problem. 17yo can be left home alone but cannot and will not be left with ultimate responsibility of 12yo. So going away with hubby and work has not been doable.
In the morning I drove hubby to the office, I sat in the rush hour traffic for 40 mins to get to the nearest mall, where I wondered round the shops, eating breakfast, drinking coffee and killing time before hubby calls to say his meeting is over and we can go away. No different from the days when the office was in Manchester and not Johannesburg, when I sat on the M62 not the N1, when I hung around the Trafford Centre instead of Greenstone Mall, where we drove to Newcastle instead of Bloemfontein.....
So where does Groovymums fit in?
Well I’ve failed miserably with the campaign for eating a healthy breakfast every day http://shakeupyourwakeup.com/challenge
I don’t believe in fate, i believe we make our own luck in life; I don’t want to predict the year ahead, there are too many factors to consider mainly family members. If I look back at this time last year, which I do a lot, I would say that my plans for 2011 have turned out ok...we’ve survived the move despite some serious setbacks and I don’t want to jinx our run of fortune by aiming too high, I think another year of ticking along in this wonderful country isn’t too bad an idea
Chinese New Year...I’m a PIG, sort of fits in with the breakfast theme this morning.
Special day...hard to pick one really with all the wonderful opportunities we have here, but it is very special for me to be going to Bloemfontein with hubby, I have no expectations or knowledge of the area. Hubby is working this morning at the dairy, its just so nice to be somewhere together without kids, housework and hassles.
So ‘what is the BIG question?’ Have I lost that loving feeling?
No...son’s fortune cookie read ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ both boys are away this week on a school trip so I’m looking forward to seeing them. Relationship with hubby? Well, we’re getting some normality back in our relationship, time together, alone, so all good there. Me? Well I’m not too happy about the work situation and no amount of reflecting or net working is going to get round the BB-EEEE law is it, so going to concentrate on voluntary and charity work, proper hands on stuff, not fund raising, but something where I can give back, feel valued and still have a full CV when we finally (if ever) move to a country where I can work. While you’re here pop over and visit kateonthinice on join her charity group and let people know if you have any skills, time and talents to offer.
http://kateonthinice.wordpress.com/2012/01/24/why-not-use-chinese-new-year-as-a-reason-to-make-a-fresh-start/
I thought I'd combine the challenges with my normal blog this week and write about how 1 year on in South Africa how things are starting to feel ‘normal’
Not normal as in school run, work, housework, school run, tea, activities, bed time, tweet, shower and collapse...that pretty much continues minus the collapse, we are all getting much better sleep here, despite waking at 5.30am evey morning without the aid of the alarm, we go to bed earlier, the kids (teenagers are in bed and asleep by 9.30pm most nights) We are outdoors more, I swim every day, we walk, hubby plays golf every weekend without fail and the kids have sports every day at school, all that fresh air and we sleep soundly...mind you it does also help that the TV is mainly crap.
Normal as in we argue, we row, the kids continue to make a mess, leave wet towels on the floor, moan about their lack of internet time, pocket money, homework etc etc...You know how it goes. But normal as in ‘what’s South African and what’s English?’
Everything is merging now, ‘do they sell that brand in the UK? Haven’t I seen that chain of stores somewhere in Europe? Coffee is the same as the UK isn’t it? And I’m even drinking the local tea *shocked faces*
Yesterday morning hubby and I took advantage of the kids not being here (school trip) and we wenr away for the night. Now I used to travel with hubby everywhere, even when we had kids (advantage of second marriages and long live ex partners with their child care) Europe, the States and all round the UK, leaving the older children at home with a neighbour should they need them (or have a party) but we’ve not been able to do that for a year since moving to South Africa, we have no network, no support, no one to call at a minutes’ notice if there’s a problem. 17yo can be left home alone but cannot and will not be left with ultimate responsibility of 12yo. So going away with hubby and work has not been doable.
In the morning I drove hubby to the office, I sat in the rush hour traffic for 40 mins to get to the nearest mall, where I wondered round the shops, eating breakfast, drinking coffee and killing time before hubby calls to say his meeting is over and we can go away. No different from the days when the office was in Manchester and not Johannesburg, when I sat on the M62 not the N1, when I hung around the Trafford Centre instead of Greenstone Mall, where we drove to Newcastle instead of Bloemfontein.....
So where does Groovymums fit in?
Well I’ve failed miserably with the campaign for eating a healthy breakfast every day http://shakeupyourwakeup.com/challenge
I don’t believe in fate, i believe we make our own luck in life; I don’t want to predict the year ahead, there are too many factors to consider mainly family members. If I look back at this time last year, which I do a lot, I would say that my plans for 2011 have turned out ok...we’ve survived the move despite some serious setbacks and I don’t want to jinx our run of fortune by aiming too high, I think another year of ticking along in this wonderful country isn’t too bad an idea
Chinese New Year...I’m a PIG, sort of fits in with the breakfast theme this morning.
Special day...hard to pick one really with all the wonderful opportunities we have here, but it is very special for me to be going to Bloemfontein with hubby, I have no expectations or knowledge of the area. Hubby is working this morning at the dairy, its just so nice to be somewhere together without kids, housework and hassles.
So ‘what is the BIG question?’ Have I lost that loving feeling?
No...son’s fortune cookie read ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ both boys are away this week on a school trip so I’m looking forward to seeing them. Relationship with hubby? Well, we’re getting some normality back in our relationship, time together, alone, so all good there. Me? Well I’m not too happy about the work situation and no amount of reflecting or net working is going to get round the BB-EEEE law is it, so going to concentrate on voluntary and charity work, proper hands on stuff, not fund raising, but something where I can give back, feel valued and still have a full CV when we finally (if ever) move to a country where I can work. While you’re here pop over and visit kateonthinice on join her charity group and let people know if you have any skills, time and talents to offer.
Thursday, 26 January 2012
365 days on in South Africa...myths exploded
So a year ago today I blogged about Day 6 in South Africa http://www.chickenruby.com/2011/01/day-6.html
Well here's what I've discovered 1 year on.
THEN
'I won’t be driving at night on my own and as long as you are alert and remain alert it is perfectly safe to drive here.'
NOW
I drive alone, into Johannesburg, shopping malls, volunteer placements, the airport to drop off hubby and collect him, to game reserves, school runs and am often found in Pretoria at night on my own meeting up with Internations expat group.
THEN
'I’m driving a rental car at the moment and won’t be buying anything flash, so not to attract attention. All bags are put in the boot and valuables kept out of sight.'
NOW
Couldn't afford anything flashy, I drive a Jeep, same make, model and year as I owned in the UK, but I often drive hubbies shiny Toyota Fortuna and all valuables kept out of sight.
THEN
'This morning Peter and I returned to the bank....Peter has to give permission for me to have a bank account and as I’m here on a visitors passport it seems pointless as I won’t have any money to put in it.'
NOW
I have to 'ask' permission for money each month...I hate not having my own income, having to ask for money and to my despair, I won't be able to have my own money...I can't work here.
THEN
'We drove to the office in Eden vale about 10kms from Jo’burg after dropping Peter off for the day I drove home. Road works and exit changes which hadn’t been updated on the sat nav made for an interesting journey home, thankfully I had paid attention and apart from the township I drove past I felt safe.'
NOW
I drive many familiar routes without the sat nav, journeys of 40-50kms.
THEN
'SA is safer than I thought; I made an assumption that apart from the school runs I would be ‘stuck’ in the house all day and would need to go out with Peter couldn’t be further from the truth. If I want to pop out to the shops for a coffee or a pint of milk then I can.'
NOW
I am on constant alert, at the robots I check my mirrors constantly, keep a large enough gap to drive off quickly, keep doors locked and windows closed when i have to stop.
There are many more things I thought I wouldn't be able to do and many other things I thought I would be able to do with ease but rules and regulations prevent me.
If you want to know more just contact me.
Well here's what I've discovered 1 year on.
THEN
'I won’t be driving at night on my own and as long as you are alert and remain alert it is perfectly safe to drive here.'
NOW
I drive alone, into Johannesburg, shopping malls, volunteer placements, the airport to drop off hubby and collect him, to game reserves, school runs and am often found in Pretoria at night on my own meeting up with Internations expat group.
THEN
'I’m driving a rental car at the moment and won’t be buying anything flash, so not to attract attention. All bags are put in the boot and valuables kept out of sight.'
NOW
Couldn't afford anything flashy, I drive a Jeep, same make, model and year as I owned in the UK, but I often drive hubbies shiny Toyota Fortuna and all valuables kept out of sight.
THEN
'This morning Peter and I returned to the bank....Peter has to give permission for me to have a bank account and as I’m here on a visitors passport it seems pointless as I won’t have any money to put in it.'
NOW
I have to 'ask' permission for money each month...I hate not having my own income, having to ask for money and to my despair, I won't be able to have my own money...I can't work here.
THEN
'We drove to the office in Eden vale about 10kms from Jo’burg after dropping Peter off for the day I drove home. Road works and exit changes which hadn’t been updated on the sat nav made for an interesting journey home, thankfully I had paid attention and apart from the township I drove past I felt safe.'
NOW
I drive many familiar routes without the sat nav, journeys of 40-50kms.
THEN
'SA is safer than I thought; I made an assumption that apart from the school runs I would be ‘stuck’ in the house all day and would need to go out with Peter couldn’t be further from the truth. If I want to pop out to the shops for a coffee or a pint of milk then I can.'
NOW
I am on constant alert, at the robots I check my mirrors constantly, keep a large enough gap to drive off quickly, keep doors locked and windows closed when i have to stop.
There are many more things I thought I wouldn't be able to do and many other things I thought I would be able to do with ease but rules and regulations prevent me.
If you want to know more just contact me.
Wednesday, 25 January 2012
Missing my freedom of speech
Mother in Law has left the building. Prior to that was Christmas. Prior to that I was in the UK. Prior to that Hubbies Big Boss was here. Prior to that step son was visiting.
Well that covers November till today.
I've been busy, busy, busy.
But prior to that September and October I was on my own.
Yes I have 2 kids to wash, iron, cook and clean for, collect from school and a hubby, but between the hours of 7am and 4pm most days I'm on my own.
I hate being on my own, I'm a very social and talkative person, I thrive being around people.
So all these visitors, all these things I've been doing the past 2 months. I've had a great time, but I've craved some 'me' time, time alone, yet dreading the minute I'm on my own, months ahead without any plans, visitors, work, study...all the things that make me, me.
I'd love to have back to back visitors, company, friendship. On our way home from the airport dropping MIL off, I was sad, sad to see her go, sad to be on my own, sad to think about the months ahead with no company, until I realised, this is the first time in months that I've been able to speak to hubby without waiting till we were on our own, without interuption, without speaking in code and without worrying about the content.
I've also spent my evening blogging, tweeting and catching up with facebook, again without interuption...hubby has fallen asleep on the sofa, and I'm not having to entertain.
Well that covers November till today.
I've been busy, busy, busy.
But prior to that September and October I was on my own.
Yes I have 2 kids to wash, iron, cook and clean for, collect from school and a hubby, but between the hours of 7am and 4pm most days I'm on my own.
I hate being on my own, I'm a very social and talkative person, I thrive being around people.
So all these visitors, all these things I've been doing the past 2 months. I've had a great time, but I've craved some 'me' time, time alone, yet dreading the minute I'm on my own, months ahead without any plans, visitors, work, study...all the things that make me, me.
I'd love to have back to back visitors, company, friendship. On our way home from the airport dropping MIL off, I was sad, sad to see her go, sad to be on my own, sad to think about the months ahead with no company, until I realised, this is the first time in months that I've been able to speak to hubby without waiting till we were on our own, without interuption, without speaking in code and without worrying about the content.
I've also spent my evening blogging, tweeting and catching up with facebook, again without interuption...hubby has fallen asleep on the sofa, and I'm not having to entertain.
Tuesday, 24 January 2012
Another challenge from kateonthinice
I've been very lax since the end of November with #groovymums. I spent 3 weeks in the UK, arrived back on the 21st of December to do all the christmas shopping, then MIL arrived on the 5th January. Alex ended up in hospital after a heely accident and Dan had his 17th birthday today. Both boys are now on their school trip. Alex in Durban and Dan somewhere in the North West Provence.
So with a bit of time to spare I'm meeting challenges set over on http://kateonthinice.wordpress.com/2012/01/17/fancy-a-challenge/
1. Body – How are you sleeping? Do you qualify as sleep-deprived? Are you a mum to a baby who just isn’t sleeping through yet? What toll is that taking? Do you have older children creeping into bed with you? What does your bed look like? Is it comfortable and supportive enough? Could you give your bed a makeover in some way perhaps with scented pillows or a colourful bedspread? Could you have a nap at some point in the day? How can you ensure you get better quality sleep?
KIDS ARE 12 & 17 AND I STILL HAVE SLEEPLESS NIGHTS. ILLNESS IS THE USUAL ONE, FOLLOWED BY I'VE SLEPT TOO LONG IN THE DAYTIME DUE TO THE HEAT NOW WIDE AWAKE AT 3AM, STUCK IN A VICIOUS CIRCLE. THE BED IS KINGSIZE, ROOM FOR 4, AND ONE OF THE ONES ADVERTISED WITH THE GLASS OF WINE THAT DOESN'T SPILL WHEN A SMALL CHILD JUMPS ON THE BED. (WE'VE TRIED IT)
2. Mind – Our children have reward charts and get stickers when they do well? Could you play with this idea and create your own chart or adapt a child’s one? What are those things that you know you should do but don’t seem to get around to? How can you motivate yourself? In my continuous attempt to get mums to say good things about themselves, why not tell me what you deserve a reward for?
I'VE TRIED AND FAILED WITH STAR CHARTS FOR THE KIDS AND AS FOR ME I'D BE HAPPY WITH A ROUTINE. I'VE SPENT THE LAST YEAR SETTLING INTO A NEW LIFE IN SOUTH AFRICA AND HOUSING GUESTS AND TWO TRIPS BACK TO THE UK. I CAN'T WORK (LAWS OF THE COUNTRY) BEEN VOLUNTEERING. IT'S DIFFICULT FOR ME TO MOTIVATE MYSELF WITHOUT THE ROUTINE OF WORK WHICH I'VE BEEN USED TO FOR THE PAST 23 YEARS (MINUS MATERNITY LEAVE) SO AS FROM MONDAY, WHEN THE WORK/SCHOOL/HOME LIFE RETURNS TO NORMAL, I'M TIMETABLING MYSELF TO DO CERTAIN THINGS. STARTING WITH SORTING OUT THE FAMILY PHOTOS AND FOCUSING ON THE JOB MARKET.
I WOULD LIKE A REWARD FOR MY SHEER DETERMINATION TO MAKE THIS MOVE TO SOUTH AFRICA A SUCCESS.
3. Spirit – Is the spirit willing? You can respond to this one in whatever way you see fit.
THE ONLY SPIRIT I SEE FIT TO CONSIDER IS THE ONE IN THE BOTTLE, THIS MONTH IT IS GIN.
ON A SERIOUS NOTE IM FOCUSING ON GETTING BACK INTO THE ROUTINE OF SWIMMING A MILE A DAY.
4. Blog – Have you attended a blogger event? Have you met any bloggers in the flesh? Would you like to do? Why is that? I am speaking at Britmums Live so I hope some of my lovely Groovy Mums will be there to hold my hand.
NOPE NEVER BEEN TO A BLOGGING EVENT AND DON'T INTEND TO EVER GO TO ONE EITHER. I STARTED BLOGGING AS A WAY OF EXPLAINING THINGS IN MORE DEPTH THAN THE 140 CHARACTERS ON TWITTER WOULD ALLOW. I LOVE THE WAY TWITTER ALLOWS ME TO FIND OTHER LIKE MINDED PEOPLE AND MY PREFERANCE IS TO SPEAK WITH PEOPLE WITH TEENAGERS, FOOTBALL, EXPAT LIFESTYLES. I'M NOT INTERESTED IN WHETHER OR NOT YOU THINK CO-SLEEPING AND BREAST FEEDING IS BEST, BEEN THERE DONE THAT, PASSED ON THE ADVICE ETC ETC.
5. It is the creator of Winnie the Pooh’s birthday this week. So, as a bit of fun, why not work out which Winnie the Pooh character you are most like and why? It might help you to discover what is great about you and also the things that you could usefully change.AFTER A LONG DISCUSSION WITH HUBBY IT HAS BEEN DECIDED I AM SIMILAR TO KANGA AS WE ARE BOTH THE ONLY FEMALE IN AN ALL MALE ENVIRONMENT.
6. The Big Question – How is your sex life? Oh, I know we are not supposed to talk about religion, sex and politics but you know me, I like breaking the rules. So how are things in the bedroom (or your venue of choice)? Has sex become a chore? Do you find it difficult to make time for sex? Are you too exhausted for sex? Have you managed to spice up your love-life? Be brave and reveal all on your blog or just do some quite reflecting on this issue.
AFTER A LONG DISCUSSION WITH HUBBY IT HAS BEEN DECIDED THAT HE DOES NOT WANT ME TO ANSWER THIS QUESTION, HOWEVER I'M GOING TO IGNORE HIM AND TELL YOU THAT THERE ARE NO COMPLAINTS FROM EITHER OF US, NOTHING NEEDS SPICING UP, NO ADDITIONAL EQUIPMENT IS NEEDED.
So with a bit of time to spare I'm meeting challenges set over on http://kateonthinice.wordpress.com/2012/01/17/fancy-a-challenge/
1. Body – How are you sleeping? Do you qualify as sleep-deprived? Are you a mum to a baby who just isn’t sleeping through yet? What toll is that taking? Do you have older children creeping into bed with you? What does your bed look like? Is it comfortable and supportive enough? Could you give your bed a makeover in some way perhaps with scented pillows or a colourful bedspread? Could you have a nap at some point in the day? How can you ensure you get better quality sleep?
KIDS ARE 12 & 17 AND I STILL HAVE SLEEPLESS NIGHTS. ILLNESS IS THE USUAL ONE, FOLLOWED BY I'VE SLEPT TOO LONG IN THE DAYTIME DUE TO THE HEAT NOW WIDE AWAKE AT 3AM, STUCK IN A VICIOUS CIRCLE. THE BED IS KINGSIZE, ROOM FOR 4, AND ONE OF THE ONES ADVERTISED WITH THE GLASS OF WINE THAT DOESN'T SPILL WHEN A SMALL CHILD JUMPS ON THE BED. (WE'VE TRIED IT)
2. Mind – Our children have reward charts and get stickers when they do well? Could you play with this idea and create your own chart or adapt a child’s one? What are those things that you know you should do but don’t seem to get around to? How can you motivate yourself? In my continuous attempt to get mums to say good things about themselves, why not tell me what you deserve a reward for?
I'VE TRIED AND FAILED WITH STAR CHARTS FOR THE KIDS AND AS FOR ME I'D BE HAPPY WITH A ROUTINE. I'VE SPENT THE LAST YEAR SETTLING INTO A NEW LIFE IN SOUTH AFRICA AND HOUSING GUESTS AND TWO TRIPS BACK TO THE UK. I CAN'T WORK (LAWS OF THE COUNTRY) BEEN VOLUNTEERING. IT'S DIFFICULT FOR ME TO MOTIVATE MYSELF WITHOUT THE ROUTINE OF WORK WHICH I'VE BEEN USED TO FOR THE PAST 23 YEARS (MINUS MATERNITY LEAVE) SO AS FROM MONDAY, WHEN THE WORK/SCHOOL/HOME LIFE RETURNS TO NORMAL, I'M TIMETABLING MYSELF TO DO CERTAIN THINGS. STARTING WITH SORTING OUT THE FAMILY PHOTOS AND FOCUSING ON THE JOB MARKET.
I WOULD LIKE A REWARD FOR MY SHEER DETERMINATION TO MAKE THIS MOVE TO SOUTH AFRICA A SUCCESS.
3. Spirit – Is the spirit willing? You can respond to this one in whatever way you see fit.
THE ONLY SPIRIT I SEE FIT TO CONSIDER IS THE ONE IN THE BOTTLE, THIS MONTH IT IS GIN.
ON A SERIOUS NOTE IM FOCUSING ON GETTING BACK INTO THE ROUTINE OF SWIMMING A MILE A DAY.
4. Blog – Have you attended a blogger event? Have you met any bloggers in the flesh? Would you like to do? Why is that? I am speaking at Britmums Live so I hope some of my lovely Groovy Mums will be there to hold my hand.
NOPE NEVER BEEN TO A BLOGGING EVENT AND DON'T INTEND TO EVER GO TO ONE EITHER. I STARTED BLOGGING AS A WAY OF EXPLAINING THINGS IN MORE DEPTH THAN THE 140 CHARACTERS ON TWITTER WOULD ALLOW. I LOVE THE WAY TWITTER ALLOWS ME TO FIND OTHER LIKE MINDED PEOPLE AND MY PREFERANCE IS TO SPEAK WITH PEOPLE WITH TEENAGERS, FOOTBALL, EXPAT LIFESTYLES. I'M NOT INTERESTED IN WHETHER OR NOT YOU THINK CO-SLEEPING AND BREAST FEEDING IS BEST, BEEN THERE DONE THAT, PASSED ON THE ADVICE ETC ETC.
5. It is the creator of Winnie the Pooh’s birthday this week. So, as a bit of fun, why not work out which Winnie the Pooh character you are most like and why? It might help you to discover what is great about you and also the things that you could usefully change.AFTER A LONG DISCUSSION WITH HUBBY IT HAS BEEN DECIDED I AM SIMILAR TO KANGA AS WE ARE BOTH THE ONLY FEMALE IN AN ALL MALE ENVIRONMENT.
6. The Big Question – How is your sex life? Oh, I know we are not supposed to talk about religion, sex and politics but you know me, I like breaking the rules. So how are things in the bedroom (or your venue of choice)? Has sex become a chore? Do you find it difficult to make time for sex? Are you too exhausted for sex? Have you managed to spice up your love-life? Be brave and reveal all on your blog or just do some quite reflecting on this issue.
AFTER A LONG DISCUSSION WITH HUBBY IT HAS BEEN DECIDED THAT HE DOES NOT WANT ME TO ANSWER THIS QUESTION, HOWEVER I'M GOING TO IGNORE HIM AND TELL YOU THAT THERE ARE NO COMPLAINTS FROM EITHER OF US, NOTHING NEEDS SPICING UP, NO ADDITIONAL EQUIPMENT IS NEEDED.
Sunday, 22 January 2012
How many people fall for these scams?
Yet another email asking if they can borrow my bank account in exchange for a financial reward and an email from the halifax askling me to update my security details.
How many people fall for these bank scams? How many people are just plain greedy?
Here is today's request for help shifting money.
From The Desk Of Baker & Mckenzie Law Firm,1 Essex Street, London WC2R 3HY,United Kingdom. Before i proceed, May i kindly identify myself ,My names are Barrister Harry Goldman and i work as a lawyer to the above mentioned law firm in London Uk.This mail is written to solicit your assistance to be presented as next of kin to my late Clients Mr Frederick M Wong and his wife Ms Lilla C wongwho died in a plane crash some years back. They lost their lives aboard Egypt Air Flight 990 which crashed in the Atlantic Ocean on October 31 1999.You can View this page for further information http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/502503.stm He deposited the sum of fourty seven million United States Dollars ($47,000,000) in a financial firm in Europe andi am in custody of the Certificate of Deposit and all other vital documents he had while alive.In His will before he boarded that ill fated flight , He said and i quote" When i pass on , my wife automatically becomes the beneficiary of all my estates and fundsbut infortunately, His wife was on board with him in that ill fated flight so, the both couples died at the same time.Ever since after their death, the bank where he deposited his funds has contacted me severally for his next of kin to claim his funds and become the beneficary of the funds,But i have tried all my best to locate anybody that is related to my late client all to no avail and that is why i am contacting you for us to avail ourselves of this rare and Gods given opportunity. The deal is very simple and clear as i have used my experience as a renown lawyer to carve out legal modalities of claiming these funds from the bank where they were deposited. I will have to empower you with the Certificate of Deposite (C O D) and pose you to the bank as the Next Of Kin to my late client thereby making you the beneficiary of these funds. I have been mandated by the bank to do this before the end of this month as failure to provide the Next of Kin will attract funds confiscation by the Government of Netherlands.I do not want this to happen to the deposited funds, hence i contacted you to partner with me in the claims. NB: We can invest these funds in Energy as a joint venture or share the funds in 60% /40% ratioDisregard this email as the contents are highly confidential if you are not interested and respond to me asap if you are interested in the deal. Regards,Harry Goldman Esq
How many people fall for these bank scams? How many people are just plain greedy?
Here is today's request for help shifting money.
From The Desk Of Baker & Mckenzie Law Firm,1 Essex Street, London WC2R 3HY,United Kingdom. Before i proceed, May i kindly identify myself ,My names are Barrister Harry Goldman and i work as a lawyer to the above mentioned law firm in London Uk.This mail is written to solicit your assistance to be presented as next of kin to my late Clients Mr Frederick M Wong and his wife Ms Lilla C wongwho died in a plane crash some years back. They lost their lives aboard Egypt Air Flight 990 which crashed in the Atlantic Ocean on October 31 1999.You can View this page for further information http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/502503.stm He deposited the sum of fourty seven million United States Dollars ($47,000,000) in a financial firm in Europe andi am in custody of the Certificate of Deposit and all other vital documents he had while alive.In His will before he boarded that ill fated flight , He said and i quote" When i pass on , my wife automatically becomes the beneficiary of all my estates and fundsbut infortunately, His wife was on board with him in that ill fated flight so, the both couples died at the same time.Ever since after their death, the bank where he deposited his funds has contacted me severally for his next of kin to claim his funds and become the beneficary of the funds,But i have tried all my best to locate anybody that is related to my late client all to no avail and that is why i am contacting you for us to avail ourselves of this rare and Gods given opportunity. The deal is very simple and clear as i have used my experience as a renown lawyer to carve out legal modalities of claiming these funds from the bank where they were deposited. I will have to empower you with the Certificate of Deposite (C O D) and pose you to the bank as the Next Of Kin to my late client thereby making you the beneficiary of these funds. I have been mandated by the bank to do this before the end of this month as failure to provide the Next of Kin will attract funds confiscation by the Government of Netherlands.I do not want this to happen to the deposited funds, hence i contacted you to partner with me in the claims. NB: We can invest these funds in Energy as a joint venture or share the funds in 60% /40% ratioDisregard this email as the contents are highly confidential if you are not interested and respond to me asap if you are interested in the deal. Regards,Harry Goldman Esq
Another hospital trip...you must be joking
We'd been in South Africa 8 days when we got a call to say Dan was on route to hospital after being hit in the neck with a cricket ball. You can read my version of it all here http://www.chickenruby.com/2011/02/this-is-how-day-started-trip-to.html
This is Dans version http://www.chickenruby.com/2011/02/guest-post-by-blakey108-my-16yo-son.html
the there was Alex's broken arm http://www.chickenruby.com/2011/08/so-youve-broken-your-armwhat-next.html
and last night it was the 'HEELY INCIDENT'
hanging on to a golf cart, down hill, stone wedged itself under the wheels, Alex goes arse over tit and we end up in A&E for a couple of hours, xxx amount of Rand lighter and another battle with Discovery to get our money back.
Bit of research coming up you can help with me if you wouldn't mind...
Does anyone know of a hospital in Centurion that covers the full amount and doesn't require us to pay up front?
By the way Ales is fine, xrays, tetnus, wouds cleaned and a smashing black eye to boot and accompanied by a Doctors note he's gone on his school trip to Durban.
WTF? Alicia Dixon on Sky news, what else is happening in the UK
A couple of weeks ago I was in the gym and was thinking about writing a blog post about the UK Media and what it tells us about Africa you can read the post here http://www.chickenruby.com/2012/01/i-grew-up-with-africa.html
Sky news was on, focusing on the UK. For nearly 10 mins the bar at the bottom of the screen was rolling with news stories of a shooting in Durham, a womans body found in a car and the Premiership results. Not very different from the news items we get here in South Africa.
But what about the main story...in the studio?
Alicia Dixon leaves Strictly Come Dancing and moves to Britians Got Talent...WTF?
I don't watch reality shows and anyone that follows me on twitter will know I enjoy taking the mick out of Strictly Celebs (spot the celeb) get me out of X factor. But seriously? Did we need 10 minutes of, guests in the studios, debating the switch, offering suggestions of who may replace her.
What must the rest of te world think of the UK when they see this?
Sky news was on, focusing on the UK. For nearly 10 mins the bar at the bottom of the screen was rolling with news stories of a shooting in Durham, a womans body found in a car and the Premiership results. Not very different from the news items we get here in South Africa.
But what about the main story...in the studio?
Alicia Dixon leaves Strictly Come Dancing and moves to Britians Got Talent...WTF?
I don't watch reality shows and anyone that follows me on twitter will know I enjoy taking the mick out of Strictly Celebs (spot the celeb) get me out of X factor. But seriously? Did we need 10 minutes of, guests in the studios, debating the switch, offering suggestions of who may replace her.
What must the rest of te world think of the UK when they see this?
I grew up with Africa
I've startted to make a few friends here, it's taken a year, I've volunteered and generally put myself out there.
In many conversations the question about snow is always asked, by friends, in cafes, in shops. 'What is the snow like?'
I'm also asked what the UK thinks of Africa. How do the media portray it?
When we arrived here on 19th January 2011, I had done little research. I was working right up till the 15th December, had decorators in, had estate agents and tennents looking at the house. Had banks, utilities etc to organise and put 100% faith in the HR over here to sort us out as promised. (Pah! big mistake) My only research was to watch Invictus the night before we flew out.
So I thought about what I knew about Africa before moving here. My first awareness of Africa was 1985 and Live Aid...I was 14. We had a sleep over at my friends house and Mandy and I managed to stay up till about 4am.
Images of starving and dying children, women walking for miles to get water and families leaving their homes to seek medical attention. The there was 'Free Nelson Mandela' campaigns. I never really knew why he was in prison on Robben Island for 27 years, but I bought a badge and a poster, like everyone else. Finally there was the World Cup 2010 and the Gautrain and I remember seeing people on the TV with coats and hats on in July wondering why...it's always hot in Africa..isn't it? (we had burst water pipes here in July when the temp dropped to -5c)
So what did I do for Africa? We made and sold cakes at school, we bought Red noses for Comic relief day, we joined in with the Shoebox appeal (don't laugh, I used to put hat, scarf and gloves in, not knowing it was the middle of summer in December) took our clothes to Oxfam.
But what about the violence, where did that knowledge come from? Of course it was from the Media. Prior to us moving out a woman was killed after her taxi was hijacked in Cape Town on her honeymoon, we know the full story now, but I remember the media portraying stories of this as being common place, ritual tyre burnings, the horror of Rwanda and many other atrocities in Africa. More recently in Zimbabwe.
I didn't know the capital of South Africa was Pretoria, I thought it was Johannesburg. My knowledge of anything else in Africa was all gained from the media...send money/food/clothing...and I'm still not sure why all of this goes on and what I can do to make a change.
In many conversations the question about snow is always asked, by friends, in cafes, in shops. 'What is the snow like?'
I'm also asked what the UK thinks of Africa. How do the media portray it?
When we arrived here on 19th January 2011, I had done little research. I was working right up till the 15th December, had decorators in, had estate agents and tennents looking at the house. Had banks, utilities etc to organise and put 100% faith in the HR over here to sort us out as promised. (Pah! big mistake) My only research was to watch Invictus the night before we flew out.
So I thought about what I knew about Africa before moving here. My first awareness of Africa was 1985 and Live Aid...I was 14. We had a sleep over at my friends house and Mandy and I managed to stay up till about 4am.
Images of starving and dying children, women walking for miles to get water and families leaving their homes to seek medical attention. The there was 'Free Nelson Mandela' campaigns. I never really knew why he was in prison on Robben Island for 27 years, but I bought a badge and a poster, like everyone else. Finally there was the World Cup 2010 and the Gautrain and I remember seeing people on the TV with coats and hats on in July wondering why...it's always hot in Africa..isn't it? (we had burst water pipes here in July when the temp dropped to -5c)
So what did I do for Africa? We made and sold cakes at school, we bought Red noses for Comic relief day, we joined in with the Shoebox appeal (don't laugh, I used to put hat, scarf and gloves in, not knowing it was the middle of summer in December) took our clothes to Oxfam.
But what about the violence, where did that knowledge come from? Of course it was from the Media. Prior to us moving out a woman was killed after her taxi was hijacked in Cape Town on her honeymoon, we know the full story now, but I remember the media portraying stories of this as being common place, ritual tyre burnings, the horror of Rwanda and many other atrocities in Africa. More recently in Zimbabwe.
I didn't know the capital of South Africa was Pretoria, I thought it was Johannesburg. My knowledge of anything else in Africa was all gained from the media...send money/food/clothing...and I'm still not sure why all of this goes on and what I can do to make a change.
Sun hats and sun cream
What is going on, people of South Africa?
Do you not know how hot it is?
Do you not realise that people can get cancer from sun damage? let alone the scrawny, leathery skin.
And why are there tanning machines in my gym?
The selection of suncreams in the supermarkets is poor and the prices are very high. How do families on low incomes here afford to buy it?
I find my skin is in poor condition and my face is really dry. I can't afford to test every product on the market, especially the water resistant ones, to find one that actually works. (We were all badly burnt in Durban 2 weeks ago) As a family of 4 we use sun cream every day, even just getting in and out of the car, popping to the shops, moving from class to class the sun 'gets' you.
And hats? I'm starting to see straw boaters in Mr Price and most of the camping/walking/outdoor shops along with baseball caps, but again they are few and far between and around R50+. The kids of course won't wear 'floppy' hats and are constantly losing their baseball caps and getting burnt on the back of their neck.
Has anyone got any suggestions? Know the best places to buy hats, suncream that they'd like to share with me?
Friday, 20 January 2012
Pre teens, the internet and sharing
My 12 year old was feral for the last two days.
Day one
'Can my friend sleep over?' 'Yes but I need a copy of his med aid and I want to hear from the parents that it's ok and only one night'
This started the downward spiral, next we went to the cafe for milkshakes, he pulled the wool over Granny's eyes by ordering milkshake and icecream and as typical wouldn't share and din't finish it all. Granny suggested he put his bowl in the middle of the table, he shoved his chair back, yelled, called me a bitch and stormed off, none of this helped by the 17yo and his constant comments. I can't really remember how the rest of it went, but it ended up with him kicking me (big bruise on my leg and hurts to bend down) all I know is I called hubby to finish work early.
By the time hubby came home I'd cancelled his school trip to Durban next week and had confiscated ALL of his DJ kit, inc laptop, lights, screens, fog machine and laser. By this time he was a screaming banshee, trying to bite me (nearly suceeded). Put to bed early.
Day 2
The morning wasn't good I was still a bitch, until he realised he was going to school with me as 17yo had gone in for 6am swimming. He wouldn't back down and stormed off at school. I followed him and gave him the option of being collected at 1.30pm, tidy his room and do his homework or stay at school till 17yo finished at 4pm and still come home to do homework. He opted for 1.30pm.
'Please help me tidy your room.'
You see living in South Africa it's hot and when there are sweet papers in the room the insects tend to make home in there. 'Ypou pick up the stuff from the floor and I'll put your clothes away'
'OK, can I have my laptop back after that?' 'No, but you can watch TV when it's done'
So an hour later after he insisted doing it himself he had spent his time on his laptop that he found and hadn't done his homework or tidied his room.
So what do you do? Well I challenged...I gave him the option of doing it now instead of watchingthe TV, we would do it together and he turned feral again. I had to get 17yo from school so Granny said to go and she'd keep an eye on him.
I returned an hour later, hubby was home, he'd been locked out the house, Granny was unaware that 12yo had turned the remote access switch to the garage off, locked and removed all keys from the doors and had taken my laptop and hidden it in revenge.
I walked away and left hubby to deal with it. We'd already decided to play good cop, bad cop with him on this and had asked 17yo to stay out of it. Hubby said that he would 'talk' mum round re the school trip if he started to show he was sorry for his behaviour. 12 yo sulked and went to bed early, he opted not to eat with us and we didn't push it.
Day 3
Well this morning we had a changed child, until he lied to me about having his school card and I'm afraid I snapped, shouted and slammed the door. I collected him from school at 1.30pm and he asked for his laptop back, I said no, he didn't scream and shout, he just picked up the brush and swept the lounge, he emptied the dishwasher and asked 'have I been good enough to get my laptop back?' I told him it was not my decision, it was hubbies and he needed to demonstrate he could behave himself over the weekend and IF he was allowed to go on his school trip he could have it back but his time on it would be limited and only after chores and homework are complete.
We've had a lovely afternoon and an evening at the golf club for a meal with friends, we walked home chatting, he took himself off to bed at 9pm.
I wish I didn't get drawn into his pettiness, I wish I could learn to walk away and not over react, but I can't. Maybe this is where he gets his temper from, I don't know, but I'm standing my ground, I mean business this time. it's not acceptable for a 12yo to swear, shout and physically attack me, hide things, destroy things and generally upset everyone else in the house.
I blame the internet, facebook and online games and his inability to share. But I'm the parent, I'm the responsible one, I'm in charge and when he does earn his things back there are going to be big changes and it starts by changing the WEP code on the internet so he has to ask me to sign him in and I can monitor and regulate his usage so we don't have any more incidents like the above and he doesn't get what he wants all the time and if he won't share next time we're out then I shall just walk away from the table, pay the bill, leave the food untouched and take him home.
Day one
'Can my friend sleep over?' 'Yes but I need a copy of his med aid and I want to hear from the parents that it's ok and only one night'
This started the downward spiral, next we went to the cafe for milkshakes, he pulled the wool over Granny's eyes by ordering milkshake and icecream and as typical wouldn't share and din't finish it all. Granny suggested he put his bowl in the middle of the table, he shoved his chair back, yelled, called me a bitch and stormed off, none of this helped by the 17yo and his constant comments. I can't really remember how the rest of it went, but it ended up with him kicking me (big bruise on my leg and hurts to bend down) all I know is I called hubby to finish work early.
By the time hubby came home I'd cancelled his school trip to Durban next week and had confiscated ALL of his DJ kit, inc laptop, lights, screens, fog machine and laser. By this time he was a screaming banshee, trying to bite me (nearly suceeded). Put to bed early.
Day 2
The morning wasn't good I was still a bitch, until he realised he was going to school with me as 17yo had gone in for 6am swimming. He wouldn't back down and stormed off at school. I followed him and gave him the option of being collected at 1.30pm, tidy his room and do his homework or stay at school till 17yo finished at 4pm and still come home to do homework. He opted for 1.30pm.
'Please help me tidy your room.'
You see living in South Africa it's hot and when there are sweet papers in the room the insects tend to make home in there. 'Ypou pick up the stuff from the floor and I'll put your clothes away'
'OK, can I have my laptop back after that?' 'No, but you can watch TV when it's done'
So an hour later after he insisted doing it himself he had spent his time on his laptop that he found and hadn't done his homework or tidied his room.
So what do you do? Well I challenged...I gave him the option of doing it now instead of watchingthe TV, we would do it together and he turned feral again. I had to get 17yo from school so Granny said to go and she'd keep an eye on him.
I returned an hour later, hubby was home, he'd been locked out the house, Granny was unaware that 12yo had turned the remote access switch to the garage off, locked and removed all keys from the doors and had taken my laptop and hidden it in revenge.
I walked away and left hubby to deal with it. We'd already decided to play good cop, bad cop with him on this and had asked 17yo to stay out of it. Hubby said that he would 'talk' mum round re the school trip if he started to show he was sorry for his behaviour. 12 yo sulked and went to bed early, he opted not to eat with us and we didn't push it.
Day 3
Well this morning we had a changed child, until he lied to me about having his school card and I'm afraid I snapped, shouted and slammed the door. I collected him from school at 1.30pm and he asked for his laptop back, I said no, he didn't scream and shout, he just picked up the brush and swept the lounge, he emptied the dishwasher and asked 'have I been good enough to get my laptop back?' I told him it was not my decision, it was hubbies and he needed to demonstrate he could behave himself over the weekend and IF he was allowed to go on his school trip he could have it back but his time on it would be limited and only after chores and homework are complete.
We've had a lovely afternoon and an evening at the golf club for a meal with friends, we walked home chatting, he took himself off to bed at 9pm.
I wish I didn't get drawn into his pettiness, I wish I could learn to walk away and not over react, but I can't. Maybe this is where he gets his temper from, I don't know, but I'm standing my ground, I mean business this time. it's not acceptable for a 12yo to swear, shout and physically attack me, hide things, destroy things and generally upset everyone else in the house.
I blame the internet, facebook and online games and his inability to share. But I'm the parent, I'm the responsible one, I'm in charge and when he does earn his things back there are going to be big changes and it starts by changing the WEP code on the internet so he has to ask me to sign him in and I can monitor and regulate his usage so we don't have any more incidents like the above and he doesn't get what he wants all the time and if he won't share next time we're out then I shall just walk away from the table, pay the bill, leave the food untouched and take him home.
365 days in South Africa
A year ago yesterday I stepped off the plane at OR Tambo airport in Johannesburg with my husband and 2 of our 5 children, to spend the next few years,(forever) living in South Africa.
It has been a very emotional time for us all, leaving older children behind, family, parents in their 70's, in the boys case their Dad and many, many friends.
The 20th January 2011 was spent being whisked around, looking at housing estates, cars, buying school uniform among many other things. You can read about it here http://www.chickenruby.com/2011/01/day-one.html
Well a whole year on this is what we did today.
It's Granny's birthday and this year she is visiting for 3 weeks.
How much of this sounds like your day? I know that what we did today is typical of most days here and how I would have probably spent my day in the UK.
Put recycling out
Took Granny to the hairdressers
Had coffee
Went to Menlyn,shopping, more coffee
Collected kids from school
Filled in consent forms for school trip
Dish washer emptied
Ironing done
Shopping list written
Watered garden
Out for a meal for Granny's Birthday
Watched some TV
Blogged and tweeted
The only real difference is safety and security, the sun shone, it's been in the high 20's all day, i bought insect repelant and sun cream for daily use 24/7, Granny nearly passed out with the heat, consent forms were for the boys to go to the Tropics and to Durban for their school trip, the meal was at the golf club a short walk from our house and that's it.
Same activites just a different place, that doesn't really feel that different anymore.
It has been a very emotional time for us all, leaving older children behind, family, parents in their 70's, in the boys case their Dad and many, many friends.
The 20th January 2011 was spent being whisked around, looking at housing estates, cars, buying school uniform among many other things. You can read about it here http://www.chickenruby.com/2011/01/day-one.html
Well a whole year on this is what we did today.
It's Granny's birthday and this year she is visiting for 3 weeks.
How much of this sounds like your day? I know that what we did today is typical of most days here and how I would have probably spent my day in the UK.
Put recycling out
Took Granny to the hairdressers
Had coffee
Went to Menlyn,shopping, more coffee
Collected kids from school
Filled in consent forms for school trip
Dish washer emptied
Ironing done
Shopping list written
Watered garden
Out for a meal for Granny's Birthday
Watched some TV
Blogged and tweeted
The only real difference is safety and security, the sun shone, it's been in the high 20's all day, i bought insect repelant and sun cream for daily use 24/7, Granny nearly passed out with the heat, consent forms were for the boys to go to the Tropics and to Durban for their school trip, the meal was at the golf club a short walk from our house and that's it.
Same activites just a different place, that doesn't really feel that different anymore.
Friday, 13 January 2012
Slow cookers? pah
I hate slow cookers, I hate stews and casseroles and that's that...
but if I did have a slow cooker this is what I'd cook in it, because it takes 2-3 hours on the hob to get the perrfect dish.
Mexican Stew
Diced beef
Crushed garlic (I buy mine from pick n pay, pre crushed and stored in the fridge)
1 large chopped onion
1/2 a pepper of your choice (I like to use a yellow one)
1/4 stock (I make my own from chicken bones-method available on request)
1 tin of chopped & peeled tomatoes (I make my own-method available on request)
Large squeeze of tomato puree
Red wine (lashes of)
Ground Cumin
Fresh or dried chillies
Mixed herbs
Dash of lemon juice
Tea spoon of brown sugar
Brown the diced beef in a large pan, remove from pan, throw in garlic & herbs & onion and fry in meat juices.
Add the rest of the ingredients and return the meat to the pan.
Bring to the boil and gently simmer for 2 hours...or I suppose at this stage it could be bunged into the slow cooker.
Serve with boiled rice, peas and as much red wine as you like...let me know if you try it.
Thursday, 12 January 2012
A weekend in durban
Kate asks if you'll take up the Groovy Mums challenge
Every week Kateonthinice sets a challenge for Mums that have lost their groove.
The idea of this blog hop is for all mums for whatever reason to find others who are struggling with daily life, be it a new baby, seperation, emigration, depression etc. This blog hop has helped me make new friends, share experiences, wisdom and gain advice and get my motivation/groove back.
This weeks challenges are as follows:
1. Body – Lotions and Potions. What is in your bathroom of the creams and pampering products variety. Nothing. The same old thing or something new? Is it time for a lotions and potions revival?
I STOCKED UP WITH MY FAVOURITE BOOTS NO. 7 RANGE PRIOR TO EMIGRATING AND ON MY LAST VISIT HOME I BOUGHT, FROM ASDA, THE CHOCOLATE INDULGENCE SHOWER GEL RANGE, I ALSO HAD A GIFT OF MOLTEN AND BROWN SHOWER GEL FROM A CLOSE FRIEND
2. Mind – What are the very best things about you? Try and write down 5 of them. Now stop putting yourself down and beating yourself up. What is brilliant about you? You are reading this for a start but there is so much more to you. Why not let the world see it a bit more? How could you achieve that?
SEE THE WORLD...I HAVE ENOUGH OF THAT...LOL THE BEST 5 THINGS ABOUT ME.... I'M FRIENDLY, ORGANISED, READY, WILLING AND ABLE
3. It is World Religion Day this week. Has religion featured in your life and if so, how? Have you left it behind? Does it interest you? What can you tell us about your own religious beliefs? Does religion cause more harm than good? Let us know what you think.
LAST TIME I INCLUDED RELIGION IN A BLOG POST I WAS RIBBED BY FAMILY SO I'LL PASS THIS TIME
For those who would like to know about the day itself http://www.worldreligionday.org/about-us/the-aim
Please note that Groovy Mums and myself have no association with this day.
4. Blogging – what good could you do with your blog? That’s a really open question so you have plenty of scope to answer it in a way that makes sense to you.
HAVE CHANGED MY URL ON MUMSNET, I'M ALREADY A BRITMUMS MEMBER AND THIS WEEK I'VE JOINED LOVEALLBLOGS AND MUMSNET, AM STRUGGLING WITH PASSWORDS AND TRYING TO REMEMBER TO VISIT THESE SITES MORE OFTEN
5. Big Question – who can you ask to help you? Who can you delegate some of your tasks to?
WELL I'M DELEGATING TASKS TO MY MIL DURING HER VISIT, I'M NOT VERY GOOD AT ASKING FOR HELP IN THAT SENSE, THE KIDS ARE BEING 'FORCED' TO TAKE ON MORE RESPONSIBILTY AND I'M ACTUALLY EASING UP ON TRYING TO BE SUPERMUM AND RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL...I ALSO HAVE A VERY GOOD TWITTER/REAL LIFE FRIEND WHO DOES ALL MY BLOG RELATED PROBLEMS FOR ME (BEST NOT FALL OUT WITH HER, SHE KNOWS ALL MY PASSWORDS.
Wednesday, 11 January 2012
How to make a perfect cup of tea
First of all....REMOVE MOTHER IN LAW FROM THE KITCHEN....
Today my Mother in Law asked if I wanted a cup of tea...I replied 'oh yes' but as long as you're not masking it.
Brave? Foolish?
Neither, I can't make coffee, she can't make tea, the bag is squeezed within an inch of it's life, then lots of milk is added to dilute the strength, leaving me with a cold cup of tea.
So we had a tutorial. If you ever make me a cup of tea, this is how I like it.
1. Hold Tea bag upright in cup and add milk till the tea (not the bag) is covered)
2. Add boiling hot water to cup
3. Gently stir tea to desired colour has been reached
4. One squeeze of the tea bag as it is removed
5. Add one level spoon of sugar (if my Mother is reading this please note, teaspoon and not desert spoon)
6. Stir (important note for hubby)
7. Sit back and enjoy
Today my Mother in Law asked if I wanted a cup of tea...I replied 'oh yes' but as long as you're not masking it.
Brave? Foolish?
Neither, I can't make coffee, she can't make tea, the bag is squeezed within an inch of it's life, then lots of milk is added to dilute the strength, leaving me with a cold cup of tea.
So we had a tutorial. If you ever make me a cup of tea, this is how I like it.
1. Hold Tea bag upright in cup and add milk till the tea (not the bag) is covered)
2. Add boiling hot water to cup
3. Gently stir tea to desired colour has been reached
4. One squeeze of the tea bag as it is removed
5. Add one level spoon of sugar (if my Mother is reading this please note, teaspoon and not desert spoon)
6. Stir (important note for hubby)
7. Sit back and enjoy
How Do You Fancy A Sparkling New You??
Another challenge from @kateonthinice and #groovymums How do you fancy a whole new you?
http://kateonthinice.wordpress.com/2012/01/03/how-do-you-fancy-a-sparkling-new-you/
Wouldn’t it be fabulous if 2012 just felt a bit more joyful and saw you with a spring in your step and a positive mindset?
This is Kate's weekly post that encourages mums to change their lives in ways that make sense to them large and small.
You can read all about how Grooving Mums works by clicking this link http://kateonthinice.wordpress.com/how-to-be-a-groovy-mum/
http://kateonthinice.wordpress.com/2012/01/03/how-do-you-fancy-a-sparkling-new-you/
1. Did you over-indulge over the festive season? What can you do to prepare for the life-changing journey ahead in terms of improving your health?
Yes I over ate, but then I go through stages of over indulgences without any rhyme or reason. Health improvements...should give up smoking...but don't want to...should drink more water and alcohol and carry on going to the gym and not getting a maid.
2. What do you need to change your mind about? Have you written yourself off in some way? How can you shift negative thinking patterns?
I can't work, no seriously, I'm here on a visitors visa and yes I can get a work visa if I get a job offer, which I can't get without a work visa #givesup.
3. This week, Christians celebrate the Epiphany. Here is one dictionary definition for the word epiphany “a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience.” What does this mean to you?
We were a bit late here as we were on holiday so the decs were taken down on the 9th and the tree still stands, naked, at the top of the stairs. Can't answer the rest.
4. Are you aware of all the blogging networks you can get involved with? Is it worth you checking them out and promoting your efforts to sparkle to a wider audience?
Joined @loveallblogs, @netmums and updated URL on @mumsnet...already a member of @britmums.
I'll forget passwords, I'll forget to check them out...I'm doing my best but to be honest since I started trying to reach a wider audience I got a little bit lost.
http://kateonthinice.wordpress.com/2012/01/03/how-do-you-fancy-a-sparkling-new-you/
Wouldn’t it be fabulous if 2012 just felt a bit more joyful and saw you with a spring in your step and a positive mindset?
This is Kate's weekly post that encourages mums to change their lives in ways that make sense to them large and small.
You can read all about how Grooving Mums works by clicking this link http://kateonthinice.wordpress.com/how-to-be-a-groovy-mum/
http://kateonthinice.wordpress.com/2012/01/03/how-do-you-fancy-a-sparkling-new-you/
1. Did you over-indulge over the festive season? What can you do to prepare for the life-changing journey ahead in terms of improving your health?
Yes I over ate, but then I go through stages of over indulgences without any rhyme or reason. Health improvements...should give up smoking...but don't want to...should drink more water and alcohol and carry on going to the gym and not getting a maid.
2. What do you need to change your mind about? Have you written yourself off in some way? How can you shift negative thinking patterns?
I can't work, no seriously, I'm here on a visitors visa and yes I can get a work visa if I get a job offer, which I can't get without a work visa #givesup.
3. This week, Christians celebrate the Epiphany. Here is one dictionary definition for the word epiphany “a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience.” What does this mean to you?
We were a bit late here as we were on holiday so the decs were taken down on the 9th and the tree still stands, naked, at the top of the stairs. Can't answer the rest.
4. Are you aware of all the blogging networks you can get involved with? Is it worth you checking them out and promoting your efforts to sparkle to a wider audience?
Joined @loveallblogs, @netmums and updated URL on @mumsnet...already a member of @britmums.
I'll forget passwords, I'll forget to check them out...I'm doing my best but to be honest since I started trying to reach a wider audience I got a little bit lost.
Tuesday, 10 January 2012
Just doing as advised
Please note the following post is not an observation it is what we've been told by South Africans in the UK and here, other expats and on various government sites.
South Africa is corrupt, violent and full of fraud.
We at first followed all the advice and were scared shitless to go out. I only took my credit card, phone and small amount of change in my pocket. I didn't go anywhere on my own unless I'd been taken there several times and used the GPS for the local shops. I was scared to drive after dusk as I was told I'd be hijacked, raped and/or murdered or at the very least groped at the robots if I had my window opened.
Of course things do happen, it's appalling what we hear on the news, in the papers or from people we meet.
But on the whole life is very good here.
I now carry a handbag with all my sorely goods in it. I'm required to have my International driving licence and passport on me at all times. I drive at night (alone) I go to familiar places without the GPS. I explore new places on my own.
I was a victim of theft in the UK, car broken into, handbag stolen off my shoulder in a busy shopping area and I've been a victim of theft here. I was loading my shopping in the boot when someone opened the passenger door and helped themselves to the GPS and my camera from the glove box.
One of the few pieces of advice we followed here and I urge you to do the same wherever you are is to tippex over the CVS (3 digit number) on the back of your bank and credit card.
Whenever you hand your card over it is possible they can write down the details and attempt to use your card online or over the phone. They need the CVS number to complete a transaction.
Our credit card has had 3 attempts to use it fraudulently and is now cancelled and a friend was less fortunate as she is now fighting to get her money back from her bank.
South Africa is corrupt, violent and full of fraud.
We at first followed all the advice and were scared shitless to go out. I only took my credit card, phone and small amount of change in my pocket. I didn't go anywhere on my own unless I'd been taken there several times and used the GPS for the local shops. I was scared to drive after dusk as I was told I'd be hijacked, raped and/or murdered or at the very least groped at the robots if I had my window opened.
Of course things do happen, it's appalling what we hear on the news, in the papers or from people we meet.
But on the whole life is very good here.
I now carry a handbag with all my sorely goods in it. I'm required to have my International driving licence and passport on me at all times. I drive at night (alone) I go to familiar places without the GPS. I explore new places on my own.
I was a victim of theft in the UK, car broken into, handbag stolen off my shoulder in a busy shopping area and I've been a victim of theft here. I was loading my shopping in the boot when someone opened the passenger door and helped themselves to the GPS and my camera from the glove box.
One of the few pieces of advice we followed here and I urge you to do the same wherever you are is to tippex over the CVS (3 digit number) on the back of your bank and credit card.
Whenever you hand your card over it is possible they can write down the details and attempt to use your card online or over the phone. They need the CVS number to complete a transaction.
Our credit card has had 3 attempts to use it fraudulently and is now cancelled and a friend was less fortunate as she is now fighting to get her money back from her bank.
Tuesday, 3 January 2012
Put your Brazilian away please
I've blogged before about the gym, I've never been a member of one before.
Today after swimming I returned to my locker to get my stuff for a shower and there's 3 women, stark naked. Various shapes and sizes and all completely hairless apart from their hair on their head, eyebrows and eyelashes.
They were chatting, then wandered around drying their hair and applying make up.
I'm not a prude, I'll get changed on the beach, I'll sunbathe topless, but I don't parade around in the nuddy.
I grabbed my stuff and headed to the shower, shut my almost see through Perspex door and showered.
I left the shower, there were two women with the doors open and chatting, one was fully shaved the other had a thin strip of hair and they were talking about why they preferred what they had done.
I returned to the changing rooms to dress, weigh myself (in my undies) and do my make up.
They followed me out, stark naked, applying lotions and creams, chatting and oblivious to me dressing under my towel.
Does this happen at your gym? Or Am I just being prudish?
All I kept thinking about was cover your bloody foo foos I don't want to see them.
Today after swimming I returned to my locker to get my stuff for a shower and there's 3 women, stark naked. Various shapes and sizes and all completely hairless apart from their hair on their head, eyebrows and eyelashes.
They were chatting, then wandered around drying their hair and applying make up.
I'm not a prude, I'll get changed on the beach, I'll sunbathe topless, but I don't parade around in the nuddy.
I grabbed my stuff and headed to the shower, shut my almost see through Perspex door and showered.
I left the shower, there were two women with the doors open and chatting, one was fully shaved the other had a thin strip of hair and they were talking about why they preferred what they had done.
I returned to the changing rooms to dress, weigh myself (in my undies) and do my make up.
They followed me out, stark naked, applying lotions and creams, chatting and oblivious to me dressing under my towel.
Does this happen at your gym? Or Am I just being prudish?
All I kept thinking about was cover your bloody foo foos I don't want to see them.
Saturday, 31 December 2011
A NEW YEAR.....A NEW WAY
Well Happy New Year to one and all.
It's been a different year from anything I've ever experienced, same hassles and lows. Family, kids, finances, work, study etc and some fantastic highs, new cultures, living in a new counrty.
A few months ago I met Kate who blogs over on http://kateonthinice.wordpress.com/2011/12/31/how-to-guarantee-that-2012-is-a-happy-new-year/#comment-1257
Grooving Mums blog hop was set up for a variety of reasons, but mainly to get people together, mums whom felt they'd lost their way, to support one another along the way.
Each week kate sets a challenge and this week is Resolutions she has asked us all to think about the following:
1. What do I want to change?
I WANT TO CHANGE THE WAY I RESPOND, THE WAY I REACT TO PEOPLE AND SITUATIONS.
2. Am I sure I am doing this for me and not just to please others or to live up to some society image of womanhood?
YEP 100% FOR ME. I GET UPSET, I SHOUT, I CRY, I FEEL WEAK, I FEEL I'VE TAKEN SEVERAL STEPS BACKWARDS.
3.What’s the one thing you can do today, right now, towards your goal? That would be joining #groovingmums by the way lol.
RIGHT NOW....THERE ARE ISSUES I NEED TO DISCUSS, TODAY IS NOT THE DAY, NOTHING CAN BE DONE ABOUT THEM TODAY, SO WHY BRING THEM UP? I'M GOING TO WRITE THEM DOWN, TELL HUBBY WE NEED TO TALK AND PICK A TIME WHEN HE'S NOT CHARGING OUT THE DOOR TO WORK OR MORE IMPORTANTLY JUST WALKED IN THROUGH THE DOOR AFTER A HECTIC DAY AT WORK.
It's been a different year from anything I've ever experienced, same hassles and lows. Family, kids, finances, work, study etc and some fantastic highs, new cultures, living in a new counrty.
A few months ago I met Kate who blogs over on http://kateonthinice.wordpress.com/2011/12/31/how-to-guarantee-that-2012-is-a-happy-new-year/#comment-1257
Grooving Mums blog hop was set up for a variety of reasons, but mainly to get people together, mums whom felt they'd lost their way, to support one another along the way.
Each week kate sets a challenge and this week is Resolutions she has asked us all to think about the following:
1. What do I want to change?
I WANT TO CHANGE THE WAY I RESPOND, THE WAY I REACT TO PEOPLE AND SITUATIONS.
2. Am I sure I am doing this for me and not just to please others or to live up to some society image of womanhood?
YEP 100% FOR ME. I GET UPSET, I SHOUT, I CRY, I FEEL WEAK, I FEEL I'VE TAKEN SEVERAL STEPS BACKWARDS.
3.What’s the one thing you can do today, right now, towards your goal? That would be joining #groovingmums by the way lol.
RIGHT NOW....THERE ARE ISSUES I NEED TO DISCUSS, TODAY IS NOT THE DAY, NOTHING CAN BE DONE ABOUT THEM TODAY, SO WHY BRING THEM UP? I'M GOING TO WRITE THEM DOWN, TELL HUBBY WE NEED TO TALK AND PICK A TIME WHEN HE'S NOT CHARGING OUT THE DOOR TO WORK OR MORE IMPORTANTLY JUST WALKED IN THROUGH THE DOOR AFTER A HECTIC DAY AT WORK.
Friday, 30 December 2011
Our first Christmas in South Africa
Too much food.
It’s that time of year where we over eat for a few days, maybe a week. But I’ve been over eating for the past month. I’ve put on weight; I feel bloated and have been suffering with indigestion.
We eat so differently here in South Africa, Hubby has always loved cooking and is very good at it. I’ve not been bad at it but with working full time I would more often open a packet of chicken Kiev’s with mash than cook a meal from scratch. Well that all stopped when we moved here and I’ve not bought a single thing from the freezer or anything in a box with ‘Ready Meal’ on it since we’ve moved here. *ice cream, peas and pizza bases excluded.
We buy far less junk food, crisps, biscuits, chocolate due to the price, individual bars the same as UK but we’d always pick up the offers, buying far more food/snacks than we needed and we’d eat them. There is less snacking between meals also.
No DFS adverts here
There was snow in the UK two weeks ago; it was dark by 4pm the lights on the houses were on, the shops full of Christmas goods, people filling their trolleys, carols, Noddy Holder and generally a feeling of Christmas. But I arrived home to South Africa 5 days ago, it was 30c, we were in the pool, the air conditioning is on and I feel Christmas has been and gone.
But they do have Christmas here, it’s a question I’ve been asked and ‘why not? why wouldn’t they have Christmas?’
Yes there are lights on houses, there is Christmas music in the shops, the tree is up, presents underneath, cards on the wall and the sun is shining and that’s odd. The shops are quieter, there is less panicking, haven’t seen a single Christmas advert on the TV, ‘your child will be unhappy unless they have this......’ far less pressure, far less commercialism and not one ruddy DFS advert.
I asked don twitter if there were any Christmas traditions I could observe and everyone said ‘no, not really’ but I’ve since discovered most people seem to have their turkey on Christmas eve and then a less formal lunch on the day itself of salads, cold meats etc, this is due more to the heat than anything else and I may regret my decision to cook a full roast by the time the sun comes up.
The decorations are the same here, tinsel, baubles, fairy lights, snow scenes. I was slightly disappointed that it wasn’t different, but I hadn’t really considered what Christmas was like, how it went here. I asked ‘why the snow scenes? Why the same as the north?’ the general reply? ‘Santa is from the north and it snows there so we honour that tradition’
So I’ve hung elephant and zebra on my tree to give it that South Africa feel.
Post Christmas
Well there isn’t one, not in the way I’m used to in the UK, shops on reduced hours, but then that happens often, certain places close early on a Saturday and many places aren’t open on a Sunday.
There are no obvious sales, by Wednesday the shops were empty of Christmas stuff, decorations, cards, food etc...a few shops had some Santa chocolate on sale but that was it.
Public transport...do you use it?
There isn’t any in South Africa....that’s what I’m told. Well actually there is but I’m also told NOT to use it, it’s not safe, trains are dirty, overcrowded there is trouble on them, expensive. There is the Gautrain running from the airport to Pretoria and many stops for shopping and entertainment, but we’ve not been on it yet and I’ll tell you why.
I’ve missed public transport, the freedom to catch a train to Birmingham to watch the football, a train to Worcester for work or shopping. Putting the kids on a train to visit their dad and catching the bus back from town if I did too much shopping to carry.
But on this trip to the UK I’ve realised that I haven’t missed it at all, not one bit. My first train journey on my UK visit was from Gatwick to St Albans, OK granted it was 7am and travelled through London, yes it was going to be busy, but it was over crowded, I stood up for the 90 minutes it took, stopping at many places to pick up even more people. I had two cases, it was hot, people were shoving their way on and off and people were narky with me for taking up the room. No one said anything directly but there lots of comments behind my back.
The next train I caught was from Reading to Newport. I had a seat; there were TV screens, like on an aeroplane, £1.73 per journey and a good selection of programmes. It was a cleaner train with a buffet car. I hate that, you have to plan your trip for coffee to ensure you don’t stop at a station whilst you’re gone so no one can steal your luggage.
The third train trip was to Birmingham to watch the football. I parked in Colwall a few miles from Malvern as there is off road parking available which is free. An uneventful trip to the football, freezing cold, made better by the fact we won. I had a seat on the train, but it was over crowded and a few people were getting narky as they thought they had the right to a seat and not someone else of the same age/ability. If they had a disability or were pregnant and it wasn’t obvious then they should’ve said. Anyway as is typical of this train journey, there was an announcement that the train wasn’t going past Great Malvern and we were to alight and wait for the next one in 20 minutes. So shivering on an open platform, we waited and there was an announcement that the nest train to Hereford had been delayed. We shivered for an hour.
There was one bus trip from Bath to Bristol...£9...FFS...here I found the answer to the question ‘where do they get these people from?’ Seems half the passengers were off to appear on the Jerry Springer show.
I realised I miss public transport because it wasn’t available, not because I enjoy using it.
I’ve missed public transport, the freedom to catch a train to Birmingham to watch the football, a train to Worcester for work or shopping. Putting the kids on a train to visit their dad and catching the bus back from town if I did too much shopping to carry.
But on this trip to the UK I’ve realised that I haven’t missed it at all, not one bit. My first train journey on my UK visit was from Gatwick to St Albans, OK granted it was 7am and travelled through London, yes it was going to be busy, but it was over crowded, I stood up for the 90 minutes it took, stopping at many places to pick up even more people. I had two cases, it was hot, people were shoving their way on and off and people were narky with me for taking up the room. No one said anything directly but there lots of comments behind my back.
The next train I caught was from Reading to Newport. I had a seat; there were TV screens, like on an aeroplane, £1.73 per journey and a good selection of programmes. It was a cleaner train with a buffet car. I hate that, you have to plan your trip for coffee to ensure you don’t stop at a station whilst you’re gone so no one can steal your luggage.
The third train trip was to Birmingham to watch the football. I parked in Colwall a few miles from Malvern as there is off road parking available which is free. An uneventful trip to the football, freezing cold, made better by the fact we won. I had a seat on the train, but it was over crowded and a few people were getting narky as they thought they had the right to a seat and not someone else of the same age/ability. If they had a disability or were pregnant and it wasn’t obvious then they should’ve said. Anyway as is typical of this train journey, there was an announcement that the train wasn’t going past Great Malvern and we were to alight and wait for the next one in 20 minutes. So shivering on an open platform, we waited and there was an announcement that the nest train to Hereford had been delayed. We shivered for an hour.
There was one bus trip from Bath to Bristol...£9...FFS...here I found the answer to the question ‘where do they get these people from?’ Seems half the passengers were off to appear on the Jerry Springer show.
I realised I miss public transport because it wasn’t available, not because I enjoy using it.
Travel isn’t easy
After 4 days back in the UK I was in immense pain with my neck and shoulder, same thing happened after the UK trip in August. What causes it to flare up like this? I was injured over 15 years ago and lived in constant pain, medication and numerous treatments from the local hospital; I’d have a few good days at the most. Since moving here the pain has gone. No work, less driving, no stressing myself out trying to fit everyone and everything into our busy lives and the heat has helped tremendously.
But 2x8 hour flights, dragging suitcases, bed hopping and driving followed by 2x8 hour flights and I’m buggered and it’s going to take a while to recover.
Ok I’m now stress free, living in South Africa, no work, studies, and only 2 kids instead of 5, no constant running around for various and many activities. I swim everyday and I enjoy cooking for and looking after my family as a role now rather than a chore.
Well I lie slightly, I’m stressed after nearly a year of doing things on my own in regards to ‘how to live here’ I’m struggling to resolve issues with banks etc in the UK and I’m stressed at feeling undervalued in the job market which has hindered my ability to function properly in this country without constant ‘permission’ from hubby to set household accounts up. But the task of renewing things this year is less daunting as I know how and where to get these things done at least.
But 3 weeks in the UK and my stress levels were sky high. Why? Trying to accommodate everyone. I take too much on, try to do too much, OK I’ll leave YOU out from my visit...oh you didn’t mean that did you?
I found UK driving stressful, most of my trips were at the end of the day in the dark, I’d forgotten how dark it was, street lights run out when you leave the town and many major roads don’t have them either, long journeys after a busy day. I struggled with headaches, tired eyes and stiff neck and back. It’s a chore I haven’t missed. I drive here, but apart from a day trip, its short local visits and I rarely drive at night here.
Each place I visited fed me, wanted to know about our ‘exciting’ lives in South Africa, they obviously don’t read my blog then, it’s mundane, it’s routine, I didn’t object but I found it different to inject something new into it and I tired of saying the same things.
I want/need to connect to the internet, use the phone, speak to hubby, followed by a long soak in the bath and a steaming mug of tea, chill in my pjs after a long day and a comfy bed, but that would be rude so I keep on going.
The there is the shopping and gifts, which to my dismay aren’t going to fit in the suitcases (they did in the end, but left little room for me to buy things) I’d forgotten how unfriendly the UK was, it was crowded, people were rude, pushing and shoving, tutting and complaining about the queues, banging into you with their shopping bags without so much as a sorry or a sideward’s glance.
I wanted/needed light and space. The UK was dark, I know it was winter but on one day I glanced at my watch thinking it was nearly 5pm but it was only 1.30pm, in the afternoon.
I missed my family and friends, but I didn’t miss my old lifestyle, I was ready to go home, I just needed some space.
But 2x8 hour flights, dragging suitcases, bed hopping and driving followed by 2x8 hour flights and I’m buggered and it’s going to take a while to recover.
Ok I’m now stress free, living in South Africa, no work, studies, and only 2 kids instead of 5, no constant running around for various and many activities. I swim everyday and I enjoy cooking for and looking after my family as a role now rather than a chore.
Well I lie slightly, I’m stressed after nearly a year of doing things on my own in regards to ‘how to live here’ I’m struggling to resolve issues with banks etc in the UK and I’m stressed at feeling undervalued in the job market which has hindered my ability to function properly in this country without constant ‘permission’ from hubby to set household accounts up. But the task of renewing things this year is less daunting as I know how and where to get these things done at least.
But 3 weeks in the UK and my stress levels were sky high. Why? Trying to accommodate everyone. I take too much on, try to do too much, OK I’ll leave YOU out from my visit...oh you didn’t mean that did you?
I found UK driving stressful, most of my trips were at the end of the day in the dark, I’d forgotten how dark it was, street lights run out when you leave the town and many major roads don’t have them either, long journeys after a busy day. I struggled with headaches, tired eyes and stiff neck and back. It’s a chore I haven’t missed. I drive here, but apart from a day trip, its short local visits and I rarely drive at night here.
Each place I visited fed me, wanted to know about our ‘exciting’ lives in South Africa, they obviously don’t read my blog then, it’s mundane, it’s routine, I didn’t object but I found it different to inject something new into it and I tired of saying the same things.
I want/need to connect to the internet, use the phone, speak to hubby, followed by a long soak in the bath and a steaming mug of tea, chill in my pjs after a long day and a comfy bed, but that would be rude so I keep on going.
The there is the shopping and gifts, which to my dismay aren’t going to fit in the suitcases (they did in the end, but left little room for me to buy things) I’d forgotten how unfriendly the UK was, it was crowded, people were rude, pushing and shoving, tutting and complaining about the queues, banging into you with their shopping bags without so much as a sorry or a sideward’s glance.
I wanted/needed light and space. The UK was dark, I know it was winter but on one day I glanced at my watch thinking it was nearly 5pm but it was only 1.30pm, in the afternoon.
I missed my family and friends, but I didn’t miss my old lifestyle, I was ready to go home, I just needed some space.
Everything is arse backwards
Every house I stayed at in the 3 weeks back in the UK was different. I ran the hot tap but cold water came out, ah yes, new house, different taps, some taps even turned the wrong way, on some the H and the C had worn away so it was guess work.
There was liquid soap, bars of soap or no soap. My hands smelt of lavender, strawberry, mint.
The kettle is corded, cordless, for the stove. The jam was in the fridge, not the cupboard, it was decaf tea, brown sugar, spread not butter.
A duvet, several sheets and blankets, which layer did I sleep under? One pillow, 10 pillows, a brick for a pillow.
I’m not complaining everything was just different everywhere I stayed and I’m truely grateful for everyones hospitality.
‘Help yourself to anything you want/need’ Well I would if I could bloody well find where you’ve hid it.
There was liquid soap, bars of soap or no soap. My hands smelt of lavender, strawberry, mint.
The kettle is corded, cordless, for the stove. The jam was in the fridge, not the cupboard, it was decaf tea, brown sugar, spread not butter.
A duvet, several sheets and blankets, which layer did I sleep under? One pillow, 10 pillows, a brick for a pillow.
I’m not complaining everything was just different everywhere I stayed and I’m truely grateful for everyones hospitality.
‘Help yourself to anything you want/need’ Well I would if I could bloody well find where you’ve hid it.
Welcome (back) to the UK
After the initial shock of how much everything in South Africa cost, I’ve now realised after my second trip to the UK that it’s not all bad.
The initial house deposit , first month’s rent and buying a car was financially crippling, add to that beds, bedding, general household items due to our lack of knowledge and ability to travel further than a few miles to set up everything up.
Nearly a year on, I’m now familiar with the locality. I know where the best places are to shop and kick myself when I see how shopping around could’ve saved us a lot of money, but hey, it’s done now.
I arrived back in the UK the 1st of December and nearly had heart failure in the pub when three glass of wine came to £15 and you should’ve have seen the look on my face in the cafe where toast and butter was £2.50.
A quick scan round ASDA and I was mortified at how much food has increased in the UK. Toiletries are still much cheaper in the UK and the supermarkets all run 2 for 1 BOGOF offers and the competition between the giants does keep the prices low on some items and often my shopping would be dictated by the offers rather than the brand (still won’t compromise on my PG Tips though)
The initial house deposit , first month’s rent and buying a car was financially crippling, add to that beds, bedding, general household items due to our lack of knowledge and ability to travel further than a few miles to set up everything up.
Nearly a year on, I’m now familiar with the locality. I know where the best places are to shop and kick myself when I see how shopping around could’ve saved us a lot of money, but hey, it’s done now.
I arrived back in the UK the 1st of December and nearly had heart failure in the pub when three glass of wine came to £15 and you should’ve have seen the look on my face in the cafe where toast and butter was £2.50.
A quick scan round ASDA and I was mortified at how much food has increased in the UK. Toiletries are still much cheaper in the UK and the supermarkets all run 2 for 1 BOGOF offers and the competition between the giants does keep the prices low on some items and often my shopping would be dictated by the offers rather than the brand (still won’t compromise on my PG Tips though)
Thursday, 29 December 2011
Give me tea
I love drinking tea, milk, one sugar and cats piss colour, weak but don't just add extra milk as I also like my tea hot.
I love drinking coffee, cafe latte (there's no r in it not laarrrte) single shot and two brown sugars.
Cafe Nero understands 'single shot' so does the near by cafe, sort of, they serve the cafe separate from the latte for me to mix myself.
Hubby has an all action, singing, dancing coffee machine but to be honest it's a fecking flaff...grind the beans, froth the milk, clean the machine and it's tastes more like a cappuccino.
I decided to make myself a 'proper' coffee as my mum describes it (she means instant) as I couldn't be arsed with the machine or going out...took one sip, the smell put me off and I tipped it away...I'm back to my faithful tea...it never let's me down.
I love drinking coffee, cafe latte (there's no r in it not laarrrte) single shot and two brown sugars.
Cafe Nero understands 'single shot' so does the near by cafe, sort of, they serve the cafe separate from the latte for me to mix myself.
Hubby has an all action, singing, dancing coffee machine but to be honest it's a fecking flaff...grind the beans, froth the milk, clean the machine and it's tastes more like a cappuccino.
I decided to make myself a 'proper' coffee as my mum describes it (she means instant) as I couldn't be arsed with the machine or going out...took one sip, the smell put me off and I tipped it away...I'm back to my faithful tea...it never let's me down.
It's never too late to read to your kids
My 12yo is the youngest of 5. The novelty of all things parent wore off by the time he was born. The older children went to gym, swimming and various other clubs. They complained about going, they wanted to come home after school, play with their mates, their toys, watch TV etc not go to some club, have tea, fit in homework and do some reading before being forced to bed too early just cos I was tired.
So number 5 son didn't do any of the above, he's dyslexic, he struggles with reading, he prefers to play on his own, he's imaginative, creative and bloody messy. He pretty much decides when he goes to bed, within a time frame. He pretty much chooses what he wants to eat (was gluten freed for 7yrs due to medical and behavioural needs) and we attempt no more than 30 mins of homework on a school night (tbh there is little homework).
Granny bought him a book for Christmas 'gansta granny' by David Walliams. He wasn't going to read it, he ignored it and moved it from sight.
Three nights ago I asked him if we could read the book together. He said no. I asked him if I should read it to him. He replied 'if you want, but I'm off to bed now' so I read a chapter, he asked for another, he asked me what some words meant and why they just didn't say that'll the first place.
The second night he didn't go to bed till 10pm I told him I was too tired to read, he begged, he pleaded saying he didn't realise there were rules to reading. So I read to him and last night he said if he went to bed at 8.30pm could I read for half hour instead of just two chapters and he's lined up a doctor who book for me to read next.
So number 5 son didn't do any of the above, he's dyslexic, he struggles with reading, he prefers to play on his own, he's imaginative, creative and bloody messy. He pretty much decides when he goes to bed, within a time frame. He pretty much chooses what he wants to eat (was gluten freed for 7yrs due to medical and behavioural needs) and we attempt no more than 30 mins of homework on a school night (tbh there is little homework).
Granny bought him a book for Christmas 'gansta granny' by David Walliams. He wasn't going to read it, he ignored it and moved it from sight.
Three nights ago I asked him if we could read the book together. He said no. I asked him if I should read it to him. He replied 'if you want, but I'm off to bed now' so I read a chapter, he asked for another, he asked me what some words meant and why they just didn't say that'll the first place.
The second night he didn't go to bed till 10pm I told him I was too tired to read, he begged, he pleaded saying he didn't realise there were rules to reading. So I read to him and last night he said if he went to bed at 8.30pm could I read for half hour instead of just two chapters and he's lined up a doctor who book for me to read next.
Monday, 26 December 2011
I just want to blow my vuvuzela
So the announcement came on Christmas eve 'closed due to flooding' omg what to do? Cries of 'it's terrible' 'there's a shame' 'what are they going to do about it?' ' it happens everytime it rains'
So they worked hard in Christmas eve clearing up the debris, ensuring that boxing day all was reopened and people wouldn't be upset, people could have their lives back.
This morning I went for a walk, I heard comments 'it's such a shame' 'it's been ruined' 'this shouldn't be allowed to happen in this day and age'
So what has been affected? Why do I want to blow my vuvuzela?
It's a bloody golf course, that's all. What about the rain in the townships? Don't they get flooded? Don't people there lose more than just one day of leisure?
So they worked hard in Christmas eve clearing up the debris, ensuring that boxing day all was reopened and people wouldn't be upset, people could have their lives back.
This morning I went for a walk, I heard comments 'it's such a shame' 'it's been ruined' 'this shouldn't be allowed to happen in this day and age'
So what has been affected? Why do I want to blow my vuvuzela?
It's a bloody golf course, that's all. What about the rain in the townships? Don't they get flooded? Don't people there lose more than just one day of leisure?
Tuesday, 20 December 2011
Grooving Mums week 12, 13 and 14
Well firstly, thanks for reading my weekly grooving mums post, actually this week its 3 weeks into 1 as I've been travelling round the UK.
Grooving mums blogging, inspired by @netcurtains or http://kateonthinice.wordpress.com/, isn't about recovering ypour groove, it's about meeting people for what ever reason are at the same stage in life as you are. Something has happened (emigration in my case, depression, new baby, death, divorce, health) and something needs to be done to recover the groove,get back to where you once before or change directly completly.
week 12
1. How is your health? Is there a niggling problem that you are avoiding bringing to the attention of your GP? Are you up to date with your smear test and other matters? How can you ensure that you are in tip-top form before the stress of Christmas hits?
My health is good, a few problems earlier in the year with my teeth and a minor car bump (not my fault) which agrivated an old neck injury, but otherwise good.
2. What does the concept of freedom mean to you? Do you have enough or do you sometimes feel hemmed in with your various responsiblities? When are you cut a bit of slack by your family, friends and colleagues?
Freedom is a difficult one for me, living in South Africa personal safety is a big issue and I’m grateful we live in a security estate around a 18 hole golf course. I miss the freedom of being able to work, but not the actual work and I find it very frustrated at having to ask for money from my husband.
3. Laughter Therapy – Can you do something this week that will make you laugh out loud? Perhaps see a funny film, write an amusing blog post or visit a comedy show? Maybe just share a joke with us.
There has been lots of laughter this month catching up with friends in the UK and trying to pack the suitcases tonight had me and my mum in fits of hysterics.
Favourite joke...Why did the chicken (me) cross the road? Because she saw the Zebra crossing.
4. Blog Hopping – One good way to make new blogger contacts is via blog hopping. How about taking part in one of the Britmums prompts this week? One is related to the festive season and one is about blogging in the New Year. Visit the Britmums site for more details. http://www.britmumsblog.com/2011/11/britmums-blog-prompt-christmas-wishes/
I gave my blog a make over http://www.chickenruby.com I’ve added tabs at the top and learnt how tagging drops the posts into the tabs.
week 13
1. Get some catalogues and look online and in the shops to identify something for your body that you would like for Christmas. Then tell us all about it.
One of the things I have been shopping for on my trip to the UK is for dresses. The only time I buy or wear dresses is for christenings, weddings and funerals (been to one on this trip). But in South Africa summer lasts from September till May and even te days in the winter are 20c, so plenty of opportunities to wear dresses and several bought (no pics as I’ve packed)
2. Can you do the same for your mind? Perhaps a book or film on a topic that you would like to explore further. Again, please share your ideas with us.
I don’t watch films, I can’t sit still, but I had two 8 hr flights to get to the UK so I watched Harry Potter, The Smurfs and Glee the Movie and thoroughly enjoyed them
3. Light a candle. If you are up for meditation, try that. If not just enjoy the sight of it or buy one of those lovely scented ones to lift the spirits.
I have been given candles and incense sticks by my Sister in Law for Christmas and will be nice to light a candle for fun rather than just to keep the mossies away.
4. Make a change to your blog. Add an image or a badge (The Grooving Mums one is very lovely, hint). Add a disclosure policy if you are interested in reviewing product samples. Give some real thought to what you want your blog to do for you in the New Year.
Apart from the changes mentioned from last week (see above) I’ve decided to 'have a go at this making money from my blog’ lark. Goes against everything I’ve ever complained about with bloggers, but I won’t be reviewing products, not sure what or how, but I’ll let you know.
Week 14
1.Set aside a 3 hour time slot between now and New Year’s Eve which is just for you to do what you want when you want how you want and where you want. Diarise it and try to stick to it and insist on it.
Don’t usually have this problem as the kids and hubby are out most of the day and I have loads of ‘me time’ But I’ve spent three weeks touring the UK and the only ‘me time’ I’ve had recently has been in the car driving from place to place seeing family and friends. It's going to be difficult to fit 3 hours in with them all at home till January 11th, but to be honest I've spent so much time on my own that I actually want to be with the family at the moment...it won't last long.
2. Think about one element that has never featured in your Christmas Day and see if you can incorporate it. It might be going for a walk, breaking with tradition, attending a church service, buying a gift for yourself, you get to decide but just do something different.
Well, again, life in South Africa will involve a Braai, out door cooking, a dip in the pool after lunch and wearing a dress sitting in the garden drinking wine at sundown.
3. What can you do to honour a good cause this Christmas? Could you set up a standing order for your favourite charity? If money is tight, can you give your time in some way either to an organisation or to an individual who might appreciate a friendly word or visit?
I’ve been involved in the @sant shoebox appeal and finally @thebabyhouse has got their first children who will be in a safe home for maybe the first time in their lives and I have been collecting clothing to take for them for Christmas.
4. This post is part of the #groovingmums initiative. If you blog, why not consider setting up your own initiative that brings bloggers together?
I’m hoping to promote the parenting teens area of my blog, I’m fed up with all the ‘mummy’ advice for young children, the question of co-sleeping and breat feeding etc, these children will grow into teens and the blogs will develop, but in the meantime, mine are teens now, so as there is little advice around for me, I thought I’d develop some for others.
5. Buy yourself a journal or notebook where you can record thoughts and feelings as you start to make positive changes in your life and world. You can jot down inspirational quotations, nice things people say about you or whatever helps you most. It would be a good place to write down the #groovingmums challenges too. Give some thought to what sort of notebook, pretty, funky, stylish, you decide and then share a picture with us.
I have one, it’s my blog jotter, my note taker and anything else that pops into my head, even ideas for a book.
Grooving mums blogging, inspired by @netcurtains or http://kateonthinice.wordpress.com/, isn't about recovering ypour groove, it's about meeting people for what ever reason are at the same stage in life as you are. Something has happened (emigration in my case, depression, new baby, death, divorce, health) and something needs to be done to recover the groove,get back to where you once before or change directly completly.
week 12
1. How is your health? Is there a niggling problem that you are avoiding bringing to the attention of your GP? Are you up to date with your smear test and other matters? How can you ensure that you are in tip-top form before the stress of Christmas hits?
My health is good, a few problems earlier in the year with my teeth and a minor car bump (not my fault) which agrivated an old neck injury, but otherwise good.
2. What does the concept of freedom mean to you? Do you have enough or do you sometimes feel hemmed in with your various responsiblities? When are you cut a bit of slack by your family, friends and colleagues?
Freedom is a difficult one for me, living in South Africa personal safety is a big issue and I’m grateful we live in a security estate around a 18 hole golf course. I miss the freedom of being able to work, but not the actual work and I find it very frustrated at having to ask for money from my husband.
3. Laughter Therapy – Can you do something this week that will make you laugh out loud? Perhaps see a funny film, write an amusing blog post or visit a comedy show? Maybe just share a joke with us.
There has been lots of laughter this month catching up with friends in the UK and trying to pack the suitcases tonight had me and my mum in fits of hysterics.
Favourite joke...Why did the chicken (me) cross the road? Because she saw the Zebra crossing.
4. Blog Hopping – One good way to make new blogger contacts is via blog hopping. How about taking part in one of the Britmums prompts this week? One is related to the festive season and one is about blogging in the New Year. Visit the Britmums site for more details. http://www.britmumsblog.com/2011/11/britmums-blog-prompt-christmas-wishes/
I gave my blog a make over http://www.chickenruby.com I’ve added tabs at the top and learnt how tagging drops the posts into the tabs.
week 13
1. Get some catalogues and look online and in the shops to identify something for your body that you would like for Christmas. Then tell us all about it.
One of the things I have been shopping for on my trip to the UK is for dresses. The only time I buy or wear dresses is for christenings, weddings and funerals (been to one on this trip). But in South Africa summer lasts from September till May and even te days in the winter are 20c, so plenty of opportunities to wear dresses and several bought (no pics as I’ve packed)
2. Can you do the same for your mind? Perhaps a book or film on a topic that you would like to explore further. Again, please share your ideas with us.
I don’t watch films, I can’t sit still, but I had two 8 hr flights to get to the UK so I watched Harry Potter, The Smurfs and Glee the Movie and thoroughly enjoyed them
3. Light a candle. If you are up for meditation, try that. If not just enjoy the sight of it or buy one of those lovely scented ones to lift the spirits.
I have been given candles and incense sticks by my Sister in Law for Christmas and will be nice to light a candle for fun rather than just to keep the mossies away.
4. Make a change to your blog. Add an image or a badge (The Grooving Mums one is very lovely, hint). Add a disclosure policy if you are interested in reviewing product samples. Give some real thought to what you want your blog to do for you in the New Year.
Apart from the changes mentioned from last week (see above) I’ve decided to 'have a go at this making money from my blog’ lark. Goes against everything I’ve ever complained about with bloggers, but I won’t be reviewing products, not sure what or how, but I’ll let you know.
Week 14
1.Set aside a 3 hour time slot between now and New Year’s Eve which is just for you to do what you want when you want how you want and where you want. Diarise it and try to stick to it and insist on it.
Don’t usually have this problem as the kids and hubby are out most of the day and I have loads of ‘me time’ But I’ve spent three weeks touring the UK and the only ‘me time’ I’ve had recently has been in the car driving from place to place seeing family and friends. It's going to be difficult to fit 3 hours in with them all at home till January 11th, but to be honest I've spent so much time on my own that I actually want to be with the family at the moment...it won't last long.
2. Think about one element that has never featured in your Christmas Day and see if you can incorporate it. It might be going for a walk, breaking with tradition, attending a church service, buying a gift for yourself, you get to decide but just do something different.
Well, again, life in South Africa will involve a Braai, out door cooking, a dip in the pool after lunch and wearing a dress sitting in the garden drinking wine at sundown.
3. What can you do to honour a good cause this Christmas? Could you set up a standing order for your favourite charity? If money is tight, can you give your time in some way either to an organisation or to an individual who might appreciate a friendly word or visit?
I’ve been involved in the @sant shoebox appeal and finally @thebabyhouse has got their first children who will be in a safe home for maybe the first time in their lives and I have been collecting clothing to take for them for Christmas.
4. This post is part of the #groovingmums initiative. If you blog, why not consider setting up your own initiative that brings bloggers together?
I’m hoping to promote the parenting teens area of my blog, I’m fed up with all the ‘mummy’ advice for young children, the question of co-sleeping and breat feeding etc, these children will grow into teens and the blogs will develop, but in the meantime, mine are teens now, so as there is little advice around for me, I thought I’d develop some for others.
5. Buy yourself a journal or notebook where you can record thoughts and feelings as you start to make positive changes in your life and world. You can jot down inspirational quotations, nice things people say about you or whatever helps you most. It would be a good place to write down the #groovingmums challenges too. Give some thought to what sort of notebook, pretty, funky, stylish, you decide and then share a picture with us.
I have one, it’s my blog jotter, my note taker and anything else that pops into my head, even ideas for a book.
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