How stressful is an expat, relocation move?

Very, it's not easy, you'll lose all control over your life, you'll be let down, plunged into difficult and sometimes dangerous situations, you'll be skint at the end of it all, no matter how generous your relocation package is and you'll swear blind you will NEVER, EVER DO THIS AGAIN (until next time)

Both our relocations to South Africa and to Dubai have gone wrong, very wrong, causing unnecessary stress at what is a very difficult time. Moving is one thing, but moving 1000's of miles from everything and everyone you know is hard work and can be heartbreaking.

South Africa was my home for 4 years and leaving my friends and my life was as difficult, if not harder than leaving the UK for the first time. For me, when I left the UK, I knew one day I would return, that it would become home again, I knew I could visit my family and friends and be there if they needed me, but leaving South Africa has a whole other set of emotions. I will visit, yes, but I will never return there, it will never be my home again.

A lot of the worries and anxieties can be removed with the right support, timescale and framework in place. however my experience of both moves says that HR is NOT the best department to deal with a relocation. They subcontract out to various companies for visa applications, shipping, renting housing etc and they DO NOT and WILL NOT deal directly with the accompanying spouse. The sub contracted companies when contacted will tell you the contract is with HR and not you and will not discuss anything with you at all, EVER.

This causes additional and unnecessary stress on your relationship. For us, I didn't want to leave South Africa, I wasn't ready, HR's timescale was too slow, they dragged their heels with starting the move and as predicted left us with an extremely short time frame in which to move. My husband is dealing with a new job, a new way of doing things, new and different cultures in the work place, he doesn't need me stuck in a hotel gently rocking in a corner because I feel left out, I'm not in control, I'm not allowed to do anything because NO ONE will speak to me, include me, let me do the stuff I'm good at. He also does not have the time to sort everything out on our behalf, we are a team, we have different skill sets, that's what makes us able to survive 2 international relocations and no amount of him asking, telling, begging HR to deal with me, let me sort the stuff, it's what I'm good at, they just won't shift. it's hubbies contract, it's with him, not me.

I've written a series of blog posts over the past few weeks, they've been added to and edited and don't really follow in any particular order, but if you're interested, please feel free to click, read, comment and share.

The whole process of applying to move to Dubai started in October, again we were told very little about what we were actually required to do, it took a lot of phone calls and we had to spend 3 weeks in the UK to sort out all the paperwork, which was submitted in Dubai on November 29th, after returning to South Africa to pack up our home, we returned on December 19th to discover the work visa application had been submitted as promised.
Applying for visas to live in Dubai

The first post is based on our experiences from using a relocation firm, although the woman who helped us with most of the stuff, was bloody wonderful, her hands were tied, there was only so much she could do to help us, where everything fell apart was despite her constantly emailing the company she worked for, they failed to respond and eventually told me, she was as fault, which I will not accept.
If I were a relocation expert

Next up are the consequences for the spouse, unable to 'do anything' due to the companies refusal to deal directly with me.
What happened to pastoral care?

This post outlines what was promised and what actually happened and is happening, this post will continue to be updated.
Timeline for an expat move

The following post is about life in a hotel for 5 weeks, I think we're actually in our 6th week now and our 3rd hotel. It isn't a lot of fun.
5 weeks in a hotel

This post was written and published the beginning of December and outlines my concerns and worries about what lies ahead based on what happened when we relocated to South Africa in 2011
Reality of a company move

We already knew things were going downhill and a lot of stuff is now getting repeated, but as you can see from the next post, we've spent most of our time in Dubai just worrying about what is going to happen.
Moving from South Africa to Dubai 

Prior to our move we had to sort all our documentation and organise our shipping, all badly advised, we did most of the work ourselves and I doubt we'll ever know just exactly what and why these experts are being paid for.

How to sort luggage, air freight and shipping 

What do I need to apply for work and residency visas in Dubai?

Sorry, no idea, I really can't help you with how this works and why it is like that. I can only tell you about our experiences and what worked for us and strongly recommend that unless you've had a company move before or used a relocation firm that actually helped then I'd suggest you go it alone.

There are certain documents only your company can provide such as your contract, details of salary, allowances and you will need them to provide those in the countries language of where you are moving to. 

In regards to your personal  side of things, such as removal companies, finding housing at your new destination, transporting pets, getting your personal documents together just DO IT YOURSELF and claim back where you can.

For us, our move was complicated by the fact we are British but living in South Africa on an expiring visa. Having been informed by HR that our documents needed attesting at the UAE Embassy and several requests to have this explained to us, we set off on the first part of the journey ourselves and called the UAE Embassy in Pretoria who then informed us that our documents have to be attested in our country of origin.

Next step call the UAE Embassy in London and ask how they want our documents presented, costs and timeline, who informed us all documents must be legalised by the Foreign Office. Documents to the embassy must be submitted before 9am, £30 fee (cash only) per document and collect by 4.30pm

The Foreign Office require all documents to be originals, except for driving licence and passport which must be certified by a solicitor who must be registered with the Foreign Office. Except they didn't tell us this bit until after we'd sent the documents and we were delayed by a week getting the solicitor approved. Birth and marriage certificates must be General Registered Originals GRO's meaning anything that is hand written or hand signed is not a GRO, new copies were ordered off the government website at £9.50 each and took 2 weeks to arrive. The Foreign Office charge £30 per document plus £18 for next day delivery with the post office, £4.50 for their return by courier and take 5 working days. The solicitor charged £1 per signature.

The relocation company hired have been a big let down, they were on holiday when we arrived with nothing in place in regards to the house being ready, along with HR failing to submit the work visa application when they said they would and with the christmas period, we've been pretty much left on our own.

We had to beg for the medical aid and a letter of intention so we could open a bank account, but we still don't know how the medical aid works here and there is still no sign of the relocation allowance, expenses or salary from December in South Africa.

I contacted the shipping company to inform them we were having a few issues this end and in case something were to go wrong with customs could we please have the contact details for the rep this end. They promptly phoned the relocation company here to tell them this and emailled me back suggesting I talk to my husband as the relocation people are keeping him informed. Guess what? No less than 5 minutes later the relocation company emailed hubby 'out of the blue' with all the shipping details, customs and timescales.

So what have HR and the relocation experts done?

Replied to all emails and telephone calls with 'as previously discussed' despite after every call us emailing them asking for confirmation of timescales, costs etc.

They've both informed of us what they have done for us and tried to make us feel grateful that they've done what they have done to date. My response each time.....'it is in the contract and you are being paid to do the job'

Passed the buck rather successfully from one person to another, blaming the locals for their lack of tasks not being completed despite most of the locals being foreigners like them and ourselves.

The pet relocation, now that did go smoothly, but the relocation company employed the services of 2 competent companies who incidentally were both South African both back 'home' and in Dubai.

Hubbies work visa has been processed by an agency who have been efficient and have worked within the timescale, once HR finally got round to giving them the go ahead and after an unnecessary flight to Oman on the 13th processed the work visa and are now taking hubby through the residency visa and Emirates ID which will enable us to get our container released from customs, our air freight sent and an application made for Internet, phone, post box and red card to purchase alcohol which we need desperately now.

However this is all managed by HR and the relocation firm and I have little/no faith that this will be a smooth process.

Once all that is in place my residency visa application will be made, we can open a joint bank account and once we receive moneys owed can make payments via off shore back to the UK to replenish our savings and finally start our new lives here in Dubai.

How to sort hand luggage, checked in baggage, air freight and shipping

It is a matter of preference and it all depends on where you are moving to, the ease of obtaining visas and whether it's a company or personal move.

We didn't have the option of air freight when we moved to South Africa and it was an expensive mistake.

To move from the UK to South Africa, your visa to live there has to be stamped and in your passport before you fly, therefore we could've sent the air freight in advance and we could've moved into our new home on arrival and also stayed in our own home until we flew rather than a combination of spare rooms, sofas and splitting the kids up.

Due to a delay with customs in SA and the UK companies failure to book the shipping on time, we ended up having to purchase a lot of unnecessary items that arrived 6 weeks later, namely school supplies, basic kitchen items, bedding and towels. We did however have additional checked in luggage and took 2 suit cases each.

So upon our move to Dubai from SA we were given the option of air freight or additional checked in luggage. We opted for air freight, we remained in our home for a further week after the shipping container was sent and packed minimal clothing, a few christmas decorations, cards and the last few bits and pieces left at the house to include the wifi box and phone. We also packed a few towels, an air bed and sheets.

This decision has been a mistake as we cannot apply to have the air freight sent until our residency visa is approved, our container sits in Dubai in storage as this can't clear customs either and our air freight will take between 13-12 days including customs clearance and will arrive after our shipping.

As we have our 19 year old with us, but he is not part of the relocation having left home last year, we are liable for his costs in regards to accommodation and therefore will now be purchasing additional items here so he can stay in the house with the cat and dog and reduce the demands on me to get to the house every morning to feed them both. This was not an expense we had budgeted for.

In an ideal world, based on the information we were given and advise from the relocation people and personal experience on moving to South Africa, we packed the following:

Hand Luggage
All electrical items. Laptop, chargers, plug convertors, the last paper copy of every document relating to the UK, SA and Dubai, change of clothes, to save unpacking on arrival, toiletries.

Checked in baggage
Emergency christmas decorations and cards, clothing for destination, minimum clothing from country of departure, family bibles and DVD's as they cause a problem with shipping and customs, emergency bottle of wine, telephone and internet box as you'll be using those right up until you leave, airbed and sheets for son to live in house in Dubai to look after cat and dog.
know your allowance, for us we flew with Emirates who allow 30kg per passenger and check with airline what items are forbidden.

Air Freight
Everything you need to live in your home once your shipping has been packed, ours included the following:

1st aid tin and contents, air bed pump, airbeds, bed linen, belt, binoculars, blanket,

BOWLS, cafeteria, cake cases, camping fridge, cast iron pan and lid, cat bed, cat carrier, clock radio, cutlery set of 4 settings, decorative tin, dog toy, dresses, 

dressing gown, electric razor, extension cables, extension towers, face cloth, football, frying pan, glass oven dish, GLASSES, global knives, gloves, hand bags, hat, jacket, jug, jumper, kettle, kitchen linen, mirrors, MUGS, ORION TV, pet bowl, pillow cases, plastic container, plastic files, PLATES, printer, ring binders, rucksack, sandwich toaster, saucepan, scarf, set of 2 telephones, sheets, shirts, shoes, shorts, skirt, stool, suitcase, tent poles, toiletries, tool box, torch, towels, trophy, trousers,

Tupperware, water bottle, wicker basket, christmas presents (assuming air freight arrives before your shipping and on time as promised by HR)

Some of the above stuff was left behind after shipping and/or there was room to pack it.

Shipping container
All belongings were carefully sorted and items no longer needed for country of destination were donated to various local charities. Your shipping company can make arrangements for this if needed.

EVERYTHING and I mean EVERYTHING has to be itemised and a replacement cost given for renewal in your country of destination for insurance purposes, again the shipping company can arrange an appraisal for you, but you need to know to ask for this prior to packing.

How do you approach things you really don't want to do?

It's moving day, friends came round yesterday for a braai and the goodbyes were said.

The house has been sorted into 4 sections.

Donations

Suitcases

Air freight

Shipping

At the moment the house is a bloody mess. I arrived back in South Africa 5 days ago after getting all the paperwork ready in the UK and flying to Dubai to go house hunting.

Family are asking me if I'm excited, friends are saying that they marvel at my calmness and organisational skills. I'm just amazed I haven't had a major breakdown like I did when we first moved abroad in 2011.

So how have I approached this move to Dubai? This new exciting adventure I'm on?

Daily. That's all, day to day. An international move with an expiring visa is like skating on thin ice. The timescales and requirements have to be adhered to. There's no 'tomorrow' It's all about what needs doing right now and not thinking about the 'what next?'

Despite this being our second relocation abroad it doesn't mean we know what we are doing. Quite the opposite intact. Different paperwork is required, different processes, different worries and this move involves a cat and a dog.

I'm sorry i can't explain to you when you ask 'what is happening?' 'what do you have to do?' because until we complete each task and are set the next one, I honestly have NO IDEA. I can sit and worry about all the things that may go wrong, or worry about all the unknown things yet to come, but it doesn't get the house sorted, it doesn't make the move any easier.

i approach it with acceptance that we are leaving South Africa, I knew we would one day, I just didn't bank on that one being quite so soon.

Relocating from South Africa to Dubai

We received confirmation of our move to Dubai on the 10th October. Since then the stress levels have been sky high. The appointed relocation company has provided us with information of what, but not where and when or how? 3 weeks ago we knew nothing, I'm still not confident that I know everything I need to know until I know it.

To have birth and marriage certificates attested they must have a GRO number. I still don't know what a GRO number is but basically if a certificate is signed by hand or issued prior to 1991 it probably doesn't have a GRO, therefore at the cost of £9.50 each I've ordered new certificates online.

What we do have?

We have a date for the removal company to pack and for shipping.

We have ordered all the documents we need to relocate and taken photo copies.

We have an appointment in the UK to get the youngest sons passport.

We are taking the cat and the dog to the vets tomorrow for their injections.

My flight to the UK is booked, so is car hire and the return stop off in Dubai and hotel, to go house hunting.

I have 3 people interested in buying my car, one viewing tomorrow.

What don't we have?

Hubbies passport

What is left to do?

Complete Insurance documents for shipping and air freight.

Decide what's going in the air freight and pack suitcases.

Arrange a sitter for the cat and dog while we are in the UK.

Get the cat and dog wormed 2 weeks prior to moving.

Export and import permit for the cat and dog.

Measurements of cat and dog for the crates.

Book flights for cat and dog.

Book our flights to move to Dubai.

Book flight for the kids to come to South Africa one last time to say their goodbyes and move with us to Dubai.

Visit UK solicitor for copies of documents to be signed as originals.

Send all documents by recorded delivery to the Foreign Office and wait 4-5 days for their return.

Visit the UAE Embassy in London for documents to be attested.

Submit application for visas in Dubai.

Once we move to Dubai we have to have medical checks and activate the visas, within 30 days.

All of the above is running or will run concurrently. *pours another gin*