What other people often see as failure to them isn't actual failure to me.
Without a failed relationship and marriage I certainly wouldn't have had my 3 kids, my husband now, 2 step kids and a life abroad.
Our marriage hasn't been easy with 5 kids, living abroad has also been challenging and at many points on our journey we could have been perceived to have failed, but we didn't pack it all in and return home, that would have brought with it a whole new set of things we could've failed at, work, finances, our relationship.
Failure means lack of success. Who determines what success is? If I attempt something and I fail, is it really a failure? I did my best with what ever knowledge and resources that were available to me, maybe I just wasn't prepared properly, I'll learn from it, re group and try again.
Failure means the neglect or omission of expected or required action. If I do nothing, then by default I have failed right from the start.
I amaze myself often, people say they have no idea how I cope with some of the stuff I deal with. I don't choose to deal with most of this stuff, it just happens and I guess I just get on with it.
I do things because a) they have to be done, b) I have the time and resources to do things and c) I quite like a challenge.
I don't choose to make things difficult, people just love to drag stuff out of me, they want to hear the drama, add to it, make the task sounds 10 times worse and if I quietly get on with things, they think I'm keeping stuff from them, hiding things, when the reality is I really just don't have time to go through the details with them, with people who can't actually help, don't want to help and are not so secretly just waiting for me to fall flat on my face.
So I've decided I really don't have time for that anymore, I'll just do what I have to do, when I have to do it, if they think I'm being evasive, so what? If they think I'm hiding things? I'll ask them exactly what they think I'm hiding and what they think I'm gaining by giving up my time and energy to help others in the way I do.
I find by trying things, by tackling difficult issues I end up inspiring people in one of two ways:
- inspire confidence in others
- to inspire a person with distrust
I don't set out to inspire confidence in others, I set out to complete a task. However it appears that by completing the task, however difficult or time consuming, I often inspire distrust in others. That I'm only doing something for personal gains, that I'm receiving some kind of financial reward for my efforts. That I make others feel inferior because they see the task as too difficult, too time consuming and are overwhelmed.
I wasn't born with problem solving skills and knowledge. I didn't reach 46 years of age without learning a few things along the way. I've also made myself ill, caused myself unnecessary stress, taken on too much and attempted to do things without the correct tools and the right preparation. But I learn from it all. I'm starting to ask for help, say when I get over whelmed and need a break, realise my own limits and am now sticking up to fingers to those who wait for me to fail, at least I'm trying.