Tuesday 27 November 2018

making friends at the dog park

This morning a group of women met for coffee and a chat, sitting outside enjoying the winter sun in Dubai. We meet every Tuesday and the groups is getting bigger, we don't socialise outside of these hours and we're not all connected on social media. We have one thing in common and that is our pet dog(s).

Mums meet for coffee, colleagues meet for coffee, dog owners meet for coffee also.

Whilst our dogs play, swim and run around, we sit and discuss the recent rains, kids, day to day life and upcoming trips and visitors and our plans for the weekend.

We have to deal with the occasional petty squabble between the dogs, but we're not constantly distracted with requests for the toilet, something to eat or drink and endless questions.

It's taken me a long time to settle into life in Dubai. In the UK I had the kids at home, met people through playgroups, activities and in the school playground. I also worked and studied and could always find someone to have a coffee with at any opportunity. In South Africa I started to feel isolated, no more school runs, after school activities or a job in which to meet people so I focused on volunteer work and within 18 months, I'd built up a network of friends.

We've been in Dubai for 4 years now, I was teaching for a year. I joined all sorts of groups and activities but never felt I fitted in. I have a couple of friends who Peter and I meet with regularly as a couple and one friend I meet up with for coffee and shopping, but my network in Dubai is much smaller than it's ever been and when these friends are travelling, I've feel isolated. It also hasn't helped that the last two summers have been spent in the UK and I've not been around much.

How do you make new friends?





In a no win situation with family

A fellow blogger and friend contacted me recently to ask to post anonymously on my blog. They are in a no win situation with their step son, their husband and his ex wife and would like some advice on how to manage the situation.

As step parents ourselves, there have been numerous issues over the years in regards to making sacrifices to not only accommodate the child, each other but the child's extended family and the other parent. It has caused tension, disrupted family life and caused arguments. However once our children reached 18, involvement with their other parent ceased as the kids were old enough to make their own arrangements and decisions.

But this blogger finds herself in an unusual situation, as her step child is a fully grown adult, who she had no contact with from his mid teens till his late 20's and is a virtual stranger to her, who is coming to live with her and her husband under an unusual set of circumstances and she would like your advice.

This is her story.


Our family consists of myself and three birth children DD1 DD2 and DS2. Plus my husband and his two children DS1 and DD3. I brought these children up along with their dad after their mum walked out on them when they were both quite young.
DS1 went back to live with his birth mum when he was fourteen and never spoke to us again for over fourteen  years, wanted nothing to do with us. Anyway she indulged him and let him away with murder through guilty feelings and he knew exactly how to manipulate her to get what he wants. He hates me and cannot be civilised when I am around. He is not a child but is a grown man approaching forty years old.
So anyway six years ago he was sent to prison for a crime he still says he did not commit, and due to events during the fifty three weeks after he was charged and before he went to court, I also believe he did not commit the alleged crime. But he was found guilty by the jury and given a heavy sentence as he would not admit his guilt.  He appealed his sentence and this first appeal was successful and this led to his sentence being reduced. This led to his right for a second appeal to get the rest of the charges changed to not guilty as well and make him a free man. Sadly the appeal system only pays for one appeal and so his second one is being done by a charity body but could take another five years to happen, and by then he will be out.
He is now due for parole early next year but will be released on licence as his full sentence has not been served. The idea had been he would go and live over three hundred miles away from here with his birth mum, a win win all round, he gets to live in a supportive environment while he adjusts back to what will become a new normal for him and he is away from the area the alleged crime was committed in. But as he is being released on licence the council who would be involved if he went to live with his mum say they do not have the staff to work with him and so he has to stay in the catchment area of the council he was with when the crime was committed, so this means he has to stay local to us. The faraway council will re-evaluate after three months, a process that will take a minimum of eight to ten weeks before they give their decision after the three months. 
Now I turn sixty next year and since all our children are grown and flown we are used to the house to ourselves I have to admit to being set in my ways to the point of being selfish as only I matter to me now. From being able to do what I want to do when I want to do it without having to worry. If I want to sit in my chair and sleep for an hour in the afternoon then that is what I do. Whether I make my evening meal at 4.30pm or 8 at night I do it when it suits me. If I want a long lie I can have one, if I can’t sleep and decide to get up and put the television on downstairs then I do it. I work twelve hour shifts at the weekends and want to come home have a shower eat my tea and go to bed without having to bother being overly civilised to anyone other than my husband.
The dynamics all change when you have other people in the house to think about. I work shorter shifts during the week and I am use to the bathroom being empty when I decide I am ready to go for a shower, be that  6.30 am or 8.45 -  there is no set time. I am going to have to consider he will want to use the only bathroom we have.
He likes to take up to three hours to make himself a meal dirtying every pan and utensil in the kitchen to do so preventing me being laid back and go with the flow. Having to clean up behind him before I can cook for us makes me not want to cook. He will not eat anything I cook and will not cook for us so there is not even that as  an option.  
I find it very stressful to have other people in my house. I can tolerate DD2 and her toddler daughter when they visit but the two or three days they stay is long enough for me, I like my space and freedom being just a couple allows us. I am glad to see the back of them as much as I love them. Other people make a mess, they move things, they dirty things and they disrupt my life. This stresses my husband much more than it stresses me as he does not have a job and therefore no escape from others being here. Him being stressed means I get the moans and complaints and he won’t do housework or wash or iron when other people are here which means all this falls back on me. I am use to him doing the housework while I am out, it works well for us. Means I do not have to find the time to do it.
When his mum had originally phoned to ask if we would take him in she asked us to take him for two to three weeks while she sorted him out a private rent. SHE then decided with no discussion with us that she was just going to leave him here for the thirteen weeks plus however long the council takes to make their decision.  No discussions no compromise no asking how we felt about it, just the decision she had made. To land him on us for months!!!!.  To say the least I am raging about it.
 But this is where it all gets messy and difficult. I know this makes me sound terribly selfish but for me it is not knowing an end date, it has gone from the two to three weeks we agreed to and now probably a minimum of six months or even longer because if the council in her area decide they do not have enough staff to deal with him then she says she will look for a job and move down here, and that will be even more months.
I could understand the two to three weeks as it is just after Christmas and she will have no money to pay for somewhere until the end of January. Even that will depend on him getting his own money sorted as we live hand to mouth week to week and I struggle for every penny that comes in so she is going to provide him with his money for his cigarettes, alcohol and food until his money is sorted and for all she earns more than me she is not rolling in it either. If it takes longer to sort out most private rented places are let for a minimum of six months so by the time money is sorted hopefully he won’t have another six months to be down here. So that is money she is not willing to pay out if he is going to be moving in with her.
I appreciate he is going to take time to settle to being free and the rehabilitation will not be easy for him so living with somebody will make that transition smoother. My husband (his dad) has said if son moves out then he will move out with him. I do not want to give up on a twenty five year relationship but I am not sure this is not going to drive a large wedge between us anyway as we will probably end up falling out over the stresses. Husband has said if I won’t have DS1 here then he will move out and borrow the money from his sister for a rented flat.
We live remote and I need our one car for work, but DS1 will not use a bus as his mother has indulged him all his days and run him everywhere he wants to go and does anything he demands at the drop of a hat. We had him for four weeks after the crime until his mum found him a property away from the crime scene and he expected us to indulge him in the fashion he was use to, and I refuse to as I don’t have the time energy or inclination. This caused issues with husband driving me to work and then taking the car. This works fine at the weekends, apart from the extra fuel costs which I cannot afford to pick up, as I work in one place but during the week I work in the community and can be at three houses in three different areas for my working day and not having the car there to move from job to job makes my day longer and makes me unreliable as I cannot give clients a time for my arrival. I do not see why I should change my life and make it more difficult to do my day to day tasks because his birth mum has a massive guilt complex.
DS1 refuses to be left home alone so anytime we want to go shopping or walk the dog then we have to trail him everywhere with us. There will be no “two of us time” always three of us. My time off is precious to me and I just want to go do what is essential when I am off and not trail here there and everywhere else as he expects to be able  to do while he is out anyway.. I appreciate this is all going to be strange for him and it is not what he wants either and the decision is out of our hands and that he needs time to settle back into life himself.
The other dilemma this leaves me with is DD2 lives over two hours away and is due a new baby in January and we were going to go north for a few weeks afterwards to help out, but I will have to go on my own as husband won’t leave DS1 behind on his own. It also means the house will not be big enough for her to come and visit so it could be months before I get to see my new born grandchild again after I come back. I cannot justify the fuel or time costs to go to visit with the two days off I have in a week.
So I really feel I am in a no win situation and cannot see any way out as it is going to be impossible to please anybody or everybody.
DD1 says she has work he can do, she has painting and decorating needing done that will help fill some of his time.
I feel it is going to be a long Winter, would be easier if the light nights were here and we could go walking the dog till late but not easy to do in the cold dark and wet.
I appreciate this makes me sound like a bad and selfish person but I truly am dreading it.



Sunday 25 November 2018

A visit to the Pyramids, Cairo.

Well this is probably one of the greatest construction projects in the world, ever. It took 20,000 people 20 years working 24/7 to construct the Pyramid of Khufu also known as the Great Pyramid and Pyramid of Cheops. It's the only remaining Seven Wonders of the World.

I've been fascinated by the Pyramids in Giza since I was a child, when my father visited there with work and somewhere there is a photo of him sat half way up, in the days when tourism wasn't as prolific as it is now and one was free to wander and climb. I was surprised to see we could still climb certain areas and steps had been cut into the blocks to allow us to do so.


It was a very emotional trip for me also, as I can no longer share my travel adventures with my father of places both he and I have visited separately. As with all places we visit for the first time, until we get a feel for a country that is considered dangerous for tourists, we opted to book a tour guide and transport. I wasn’t impressed with our tour, it seemed a bit rushed. There were several fees to be paid, the tour itself that collected us from the hotel, entrance fee and the choice of entering the chambers of two of the pyramids. Our guide told us there was nothing inside to see and it was hot and difficult to get in and out, but seeing as we were here we should go in the 2nd pyramid as it was cheaper.


I’m glad we took the tour though it would have been a long walk up to see the panoramic view or get a horse and carriage ride up there which didn’t appeal.



On leaving the bus stopped briefly for a quick photo of the Sphinx at which point we opted to get out the bus to spend a bit more time there and get an Uber to meet friends later. We were warned none stop that we would get harassed by vendors, but our biggest problem was locals who wanted their photo taken with us. It was time consuming only, everyone was super friendly though.


We arrived around 10am and spent about 2 hours there, there was a distinct lack of tourists, I’d expected it to be very busy.

We've visited Luxor twice now, Valley of the Kings, Karnak and Luxor temple and have been to the Louve in Paris to see many ancient relics from this period. But this is my first visit to Cairo and I’m in love.



You can see on the other construction photos I've been taking around the world and in Dubai by clicking on the links below:

Week 158 Dubai Bluewater Islands and Dubai Eye. Man made island a 210m high Big Wheel
Week 159 Dubai Dubai Marina - Reflections
Week 160 Dubai Dubai Frame. A window between the Old and New Dubai and a 150m high glass floor.
Week 161 Dubai Dubai Marina 3 years apart.
Week 163 Dubai New Metro Line for Expo 2020
Week 164 Arizona and Nevada Hoover Dam 2002 - 2010
Week 165 Dubai Dubai Opera House What a difference a year makes
Week 166 Dubai Unfinished buildings. The Pentominium
Week 167 Coventry Mixing the old and the new. Coventry Catherdral
Week 168 Dubai New Dubai Metro Station 
Week 169 Dubai The new extension of the Dubai Mall and Burj Khalifa 
Week 170 Dubai Hotel fire After the Address fire 
Week 171 Dubai Unusual designs The Opus Building
Week 172 Dubai District Cooling. Keeping the desert cool.
Week 173 Dubai Can I visit the Burj Al Arab
Week 174 Dubai The Almas Tower
Week 175 Dubai The Cayan Tower
Week 176 Toronto The CN Tower
Week 177 Nevada The Paris Hotel 
Week 178 Dubai Ibn Battuta Gate
Week 179 A Wedding Our first child got married
Week 180 Dubai The World's Tallest Tower
Week 181 Dubai and Wales Al Fahidi Fort and Chepstow Castle 
Week 182 Dubai New Metro Station in Al Furjan 
Week 183 Dubai Ski Dubai
Week 184 Another Wedding
Week 185 South Africa Life in a township
Week 186 Austria Ski Jump 
Week 187 Dubai Green Plant Bio Dome 
Week 188 Dubai Update on the Metro Station
Week 189 Dubai My view from the balcony changed in 8 months
Week 190 Greece Just how instagramable is it?
Week 191-192 Dubai Before and After. 3 months out of Dubai
Week 193 Dubai Building a boat in the sky
Week 194 South Africa An African Sunset
Week 195 South Africa Building with boxes Charity work in South Africa
Week 196 Another family wedding and a year of travel
Week 197 Dubai What are they building now? World Trade Centre
Week 198 Monmouth Building work in South Wales
Week 198 Dubai The cladding is going on, on the metro station
Week 199 Dubai They're building on the beaches in Dubai
Week 200 Hong Kong Building with Bamboo
Week 201 Dubai My Week as a volunteer on the European Tour

Monday 19 November 2018

One Daily Positive Week 47 From the Race to Dubai to Cairo

I'm linking up this week from Cairo, I flew in on Thursday to join Peter for a few days at the end of a business trip. I've wanted to see the pyramids since I was a small child. We've visited Luxor twice and the Valley of the Kings.

I started the week absolutely shattered from marshalling the golf for 4 days already. It's been around 32c and really humid.

322 Sunday The final day of the European Tour, starting by managing the crowd on the 1st tee from 7am till 12pm then lunch followed by crowd control on the 18th leading up to the green. We sat on the edge of the green to watch the final winning putt by Danny Willett, there was an after party, I got home, had a bath and was asleep within 30 mins.

323 Monday The house has been neglected for a week so I started with tidying around and giving the windows a clean. That was as far as I got though, decided just to have some quiet time. Took Peter to the airport and had an early night.

324 Tuesday Dog park and catch up with friends over coffee. Went for a bike ride in the afternoon and accidentally stopped off to get my nails done and have a hair cut. This was the only photo I took today.

325 Wednesday Dropped the cat and dog at boarding and finished cleaning the house.

326 Thursday Packed hand luggage only and flew to Cairo, was collected from the airport to meet Peter at the hotel. We had dinner out and a late night, feel shattered.

327 Friday An early start to the pyramids. Deptie the blue skies it was chilly and we'd had a torrential storm in the morning. We got an Uber to meet a friend and spent the afternoon with his Mother and Sister in their home, had dinner in a local restaurant and it took almost 3 hours to do a 45 minute trip back to the hotel across the city, due to volume of traffic and flooding.

328 Saturday Had a lie in, a leisurely breakfast poolside and then got an Uber to visit to the Cairo museum. Meeting another friend in the late afternoon for an early dinner near our hotel as neither of us could cope with the traffic.

On the blog this week:

Read how I got on as a volunteer on the European Golf Tour


Sunday 18 November 2018

My Week on the European Tour, DP World Tour Championship and the Race to Dubai.

I volunteered to spend a week working as a marshal on the final event of the European Golf Tour and the Race to Dubai. On Monday I had no idea what it would entail and on Tuesday I was walking round the Jumeriah Golf Estate with Andrea Pavan in the pro am.

On Wednesday and Thursday I was chaperoning players, waiting with them while they had lunch in the players lounge, accompanying them onto the driving range and putting green and hanging around the men's locker room as well as sitting in the studio with Dougie Donnelly and Sam Torrence. We're not allowed to take pictures when we're on the course, but this was away from the golf course and as you can see they more than willing to have them taken.

Sam Torrence and Dougie Donnelley in the background.

Thomas Detry from Belgium and certainly a player to look out for.

I like watching golf, we've attended this event many times and also been to Abu Dhabi and Sun City. But I'm not very knowledgeable on the players, I do know the big names and the older golfers on the tour. It was quite interesting to go looking for a player and not knowing what they looked like and waiting for the caddie to turn round so I could spot the name on the bib as they came off the 18th, it caused a bit of a laugh. 'Hi I'm Suzanne and you are?' These are some of the world's top golfers.

I knew who Sergio Garcia was.


Saturday was spent marshalling the 1st Tee from 7.40am till the last player tee's off at 12.40pm. This was my view.

The afternoon was spent on the approach to the 18th. I had to 'spot' a ball in the water hazard and whilst I was watching over Danny Willett's ball that went into the crowd, Matt Wallace's ball clattered into the stand. He gave me the ball afterwards and kindly posed for a selfie. I was a bit startled when he put his hand on my shoulder as you can probably tell.

I'm back at the golf today marshalling the 1st tee in the morning and covering the same spot on the 18th where the prize money for the DP World Tour Championship is a staggering $8 million and the Race Dubai's purse is $5 million shared between the top ten ranking players.

As I head off today Danny Willett from England and Patrick Reed from the US lead the tour at -14 under par.

I've met some amazing people this week from players, their wives, children and parents to those who run the events and work on the European Tour as well as the 200+ other volunteers who keep the event running from scoring, marshalling, welcoming guests, working with the media and probably a million and 1 other jobs I don't know about.

This is how the week finished


Saturday 17 November 2018

One Daily Positive - Week 46 A week on the European Golf Tour

A great week for activities for me, throughly enjoyed my day at the Pro Am Golf in Dubai. I love watching golf as well as football, but I've never played either. I'd be tempted to take up golf, but it's so expensive here in Dubai and just too hot. I met a guy who works in the film industry and he suggested I sent my photo and number to a casting crew for a Ryan Reynolds Netflix Action Movie 6 Underground. I got a reply and was invited for a costume fitting and to the filming as an extra. However I was needed 2 days and wasn't available on the Tuesday, who knows? Maybe next time.

We had a massive storm on Monday night, the windows are covered in sand as are the cars, balconies, patio and garden furniture again.

315 Sunday Up early to take Peter to the airport as he's off to Saudi for the night. Got home at 5.30am and walked Bob and spent the next couple of hours sitting in the garden, blogging. I had to shut the cat in her room as the weather was gorgeous and had all the doors and windows open. We had the air conditioning units serviced, I paid some bills, then visited my friend for a couple of hours before going for a MRI scan. The afternoon I sorted through the Christmas decorations and watched the football before bed. I've a bulging disc and trapped nerves which are causing the leg pain on the left side.
Tis is the darkest it gets here in Dubai

316 Monday Slept till 8am and just pottered around, pooped out for coffee and get a 'fail safe' salad for dinner. Peter arrived home at 4pm and we just watched Netflix, ate and drank wine.

Window cleaning after the rain

317 Tuesday A very early start for the golf, had an amazing day, had to google the players lol, walked 11.5km, felt broken, have golfers tan and had to google nearly all the players.

318 Wednesday Spent the morning at my friends house with Bob and used their pool. Friends are on holiday we were just checking all was OK.

319 Thursday Back at the golf. had the most amazing experiences. Met some of the world's top golfers and spent time with them in the players lounge, on the driving range and chaperoning them from place to place.

This was the only photo I took all day, not allowed to take pictures of the players when you're working. It's the way abck to the car park at the end of the day

320 Friday Golf again and loving it even more. Spent an hour in the TV studios. Everyone is laughing at me as a golfer walks by and I have no idea who it is or when I introduce myself and then ask their name, however I did know who Sam Torrence was but only when he spoke. Got a little upset when I got home to share my day with Peter, as my dad would've loved to have heard my stories and seen my pictures.

321 Saturday Golf for 7am, I get a time sheet the night before, no idea what I'm actually doing until I arrive. Previous role has ended and I've no idea what I'll be doing tomorrow either.
I took this picture yesterday before I started work, I have no idea what time I'll finish this evening and I'm straight to bed when I get in.

Ian Poulter teeing off from the 1st.

On the blog this week:

How to marshal at the European Tour. 

Building with bamboo




Monday 12 November 2018

How to marshal a golf tournament? DPWTC.

I'll let you know how I got on next week after the European Tour concludes in Dubai on Sunday along with the Race to Dubai at the DP World Tour Championship

For now I have my golf shirt and tournament cap. I've purchased sturdy trainers and golfing skorts. I've read the marshals handbook and have plenty of water and suncream for the day.

My role is to ensure no one disturbs the golfers when they tee off and putt and to keep the crowd safe, provide information on crossing fairways and give directions for toilets, food, tee's and greens.

I'm one of 270 volunteers out on the course and on Tuesday I'm attending the pro am to familiarise myself with the course and my role.

The caddies will let me know if I've been successful at marshalling on not. Apparently, if a caddie has to speak to me, it means I'm doing something wrong and will have failed in my role.

Peter and I have watched golf at various venues in the UAE and South Africa, we used to live on a golf estate in Centurion, South Africa, which is part of the Sunshine Tour. Peter plays golf, I've only ever been to the driving range. I know the rules to some extent and can name most of the golfers, which will help for sure. But I'm more comfortable outside the ropes and prefer the 19th hole.











Musings Of A Tired Mummy

Sunday 11 November 2018

Building with Bamboo. Construction project in Hong Kong.

On a visit to Hong Kong last year, we noticed a lot of scaffolding on buildings where they were being repainted and maintained, on looking closer we discovered the scaffolding was made from bamboo and most of it was fairly complex in it's design.

I had no idea bamboo was actually this strong and I'm assuming lighter to use, especially when you see the video below of the construction workers assembling it all. Nylon straps tied into knots 
are used as couplers.




If you're interested in seeing more of the construction projects I've been documenting in Dubai and around the world, then click on the links below:

Week 158 Dubai Bluewater Islands and Dubai Eye. Man made island a 210m high Big Wheel
Week 159 Dubai Dubai Marina - Reflections
Week 160 Dubai Dubai Frame. A window between the Old and New Dubai and a 150m high glass floor.
Week 161 Dubai Dubai Marina 3 years apart.
Week 163 Dubai New Metro Line for Expo 2020
Week 164 Arizona and Nevada Hoover Dam 2002 - 2010
Week 165 Dubai Dubai Opera House What a difference a year makes
Week 166 Dubai Unfinished buildings. The Pentominium
Week 167 Coventry Mixing the old and the new. Coventry Catherdral
Week 168 Dubai New Dubai Metro Station 
Week 169 Dubai The new extension of the Dubai Mall and Burj Khalifa 
Week 170 Dubai Hotel fire After the Address fire 
Week 171 Dubai Unusual designs The Opus Building
Week 172 Dubai District Cooling. Keeping the desert cool.
Week 173 Dubai Can I visit the Burj Al Arab
Week 174 Dubai The Almas Tower
Week 175 Dubai The Cayan Tower
Week 176 Toronto The CN Tower
Week 177 Nevada The Paris Hotel 
Week 178 Dubai Ibn Battuta Gate
Week 179 A Wedding Our first child got married
Week 180 Dubai The World's Tallest Tower
Week 181 Dubai and Wales Al Fahidi Fort and Chepstow Castle 
Week 182 Dubai New Metro Station in Al Furjan 
Week 183 Dubai Ski Dubai
Week 184 Another Wedding
Week 185 South Africa Life in a township
Week 186 Austria Ski Jump 
Week 187 Dubai Green Plant Bio Dome 
Week 188 Dubai Update on the Metro Station
Week 189 Dubai My view from the balcony changed in 8 months
Week 190 Greece Just how instagramable is it?
Week 191-192 Dubai Before and After. 3 months out of Dubai
Week 193 Dubai Building a boat in the sky
Week 194 South Africa An African Sunset
Week 195 South Africa Building with boxes Charity work in South Africa
Week 196 Another family wedding and a year of travel
Week 197 Dubai What are they building now? World Trade Centre
Week 198 Monmouth Building work in South Wales
Week 198 Dubai The cladding is going on, on the metro station
Week 199 Dubai They're building on the beaches in Dubai

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