Feeling calm and patient

Yes, I've been feeling much calmer over the past few months and my tolerance is improving, but so would yours be with no kids at home and finances to worry about, no work, no stresses, no international moves or hotel quarantines and delayed containers, just peace and calm, dog walks, coffee and chocolate.

A few years ago, child 3 exclaimed that 'mum is calmer these days' My husband and him failed to recognise it was because there were no longer 5 kids at home, pulling me in several directions, no ex's causing us crap and 1000's of miles away from everyone else.

Last month, my husband also exclaimed that I was much more tolerant these days towards him, patient and calmer, but he failed to recognise, he is no longer going out to work, leaving a trail of glory behind in in the form of washing up, wet floors in the bathroom and not leaving me on my own for long periods of time while he travelled with work.

I've never been able to just go out the door since I had my first child. I worked up until 2016, managing 5 kids, pack lunches, school runs, activities, fights, arguments. I would get so wound up with piles of washing up and coming through the door with a food shop and not being able to just put it all away.

Yes, it was just 1 cup, 1 bowl, 1 child who made a sandwich, but it would all pile up in the kitchen, then when space was full in and around the sink, it would just be dumped somewhere else.

This was a bit of washing up from the night before, a couple of glasses and tea/coffee cups from the morning. I was cooking the blackberries and thought I'd wash up in one go. Peter wanted his breakfast and I told him just to leave everything on the side and I'd take care of it as I went along.

However, I finished the blackberries, made myself a cup of tea and left all this till lunch time. And that's all there was.

No crumbs swiped onto the floor, no knocked over glass, broken in the sink and no one saying anything. Nothing balanced on the sauce pan and it wasn't filled with water to splash all over me and the floor.

There are only 2 loads of washing each week, that can be washed, dried, ironed and back in the cupboard on the same day, even when it's raining out as I can put the clothes horse up in the dining room without it 'accidentally' falling down as the boys pushed past to fight for the best seat.

I can also leave stuff on the dining room table and not have it swept to one side for a board game, homework or just because.

Housework is done as and when it is needed, instead of on a Saturday morning by one of us while the other attempted a food shop with 2/3 kids and then ran the other 2 around for football matches.

We eat what we want, when we want, no preparing 3-4 different meals at different times.

There's also money in my purse, fuel in my car, chocolate and sweets in the cupboard and drink in the fridge.

Do I miss it? No, not really. Would I do it again? No way, I'm 50 now, with one grandchild and another on the way. Would I do it differently? Of course I would, but I have no idea how I would've implemented it with 5 kids, other than.....

• less after school activities
• no involvement with PTA, Scouts, etc
• caterers for parties and shop bought cake
• more money
• bigger house

How about you?

Differences between the North and the South of one country

We've just returned to Pretoria from 2 weeks in Cape Town and the Garden Route.

We may well have returned to a different country.

Back home in Pretoria I feel like I first did when we moved here nearly 2 years ago.

Except this time I'm not as patient, my empathy has gone, I'm frustrated, I'm on the verge of snapping.

I can sum up the differences between the North and the South of this country with 1 simple example.

Up here in a restaurant what I order, receive and then pay for is very different.

I understand Cape Town is a tourist destination, but you'd think enough people have visited, lived in both parts of the country to try and make changes up here to the way people live, use their initiative and train the staff to think for themselves and not just do what they are told, unable to problem solve leaving the customer, the staff member and the manager furious with one another.

It's not just the restaurant, that is a typical example from my experience of every aspect of everything here in the north.