Thursday, 27 May 2010

Bullying in school

For those of you that read my tweets you'll know I have lots of problems with my 15 year old and his behaviour, however I know that if I shout at him that will just make it worse. But sometimes I have enough with 2 other kids at home plus complicated visits home from step children, combined with an absent hubby in the week, a job and a degree.

When I send my children to school, I expect them to be cared for and treated correctly and certainly not to be shouted at and put down and made to feel useless by an adult in front of their peers.

I do not expect to collect my 15 year old son from school in floods of tears on a regular basis, due to the way he's been blamed and accused of doing things he has taken no role in. This is always evidenced by the other students, by this time though he has served the detention or break time consequence and no apology is given to my him by the adults involved.

To be told everyday by different teachers to shut up, get on with it, leave the classroom is not conclusive to his emotional well being.

I accept my son does wrong, I accept he has stormed out of lessons when hes been told off for doing something he actually did and I have supported the school with punishments at home reflective of the severity of the crime.

There are far too many incidents to trawl through and the school are never willing to go back and discuss anything other than the current one. But this is what happened today and is typical of his school week.

Lining up outside class teacher yells to stop messing around. He is shoved from behind and pushed through doorway of another class, he is yelled at for disturbing the class. In the lesson two girls giggling and screeching, he is told to shut up and tidy up the mess behind him. On his return from the bin a child shoulder barges him sending him flying. He is ordered straight outside the class where he sits for last 20mins with no work to do. Pupils in class complain to teacher immediately that it wasn't his fault.

At end of lesson when all pupils have gone home, Teacher says to him I accept it wasn't you and walks off. No apology, nothing. Silly boy answered him back and guess what Teachers word against his again. The Head can't see me till after half term.

Thursday, 13 May 2010

'Gender Disappointment' : Coping with the 'wrong' baby

I read this on twitter today from @parentpages ‘Gender disappointment’: Coping with the ‘wrong’ baby >> do you want a boy or a girl >> why do we even ask?

I felt great disappointment when my 3rd son was born, not because I had another boy, not because I was a failure, but because I knew then I had to cope with the barrage of questions from family and friends of 'are you upset' 'never mind, you can try again' these thoughtless statements and assumptions came in thick and fast even during my pregnancy.

I do wish people would think before opening their mouths of the damage and hurt they can cause.

With my first pregnancy 19 years ago I asked if they could tell me the sex of the child. There answer was 'No, we can only tell you if there is a genetic reason for doing so'
In my second pregnancy I didn't think to ask, nor was I given the option. At that point my sister had just given birth to her second child and the comments of....'one of each now, she has the perfect family' haunted me.

When my second child was born comments of 'she had 'another' boy' and 'you can always try again' stay with me to this day.

By the time my 3rd child arrived I answered the questions of 'what would you like this time? A girl would be nice to complete your family' with 'actually I was hoping for a pony'

At my scan I was asked if I wanted to know the sex and I declined. The midwife actually said 'I thought you would want to know as you have 2 boys already' My response didn't go down too well, 'If it's another boy can I arrange the termination now' That wasn't how I was feeling I just said it to shut her up.

I was asked if I felt depressed at the thought of another boy and was offered counselling.

Even now as the kids are 18, 15 & 11 I still get asked if it saddens me that I don't have a daughter and apparently I'm missing out on so much stuff. But I have 3 healthy, loving and well adjusted boys (sometimes). That is what I was given and that's that....end of...but I can 'always hope for granddaughters' but 'what do I do if I only have grandsons?...ignore them?