Two years on without Stephanie

It's difficult to celebrate Stephanie's life.

It's difficult to mourn Stephanie

There are so few people to celebrate and mourn her life with.

You had to know Stephanie to understand her.

So many people understood her from knowing Peter and I.

So many people misunderstood her.

Tolerance, acceptance, part of the package.

Just Stephanie, part of our lives, part of our daily woes, our future, our worries.

Now gone, no warning, no life expectation, but would that have made it easier? Think before you ask us that again.

Has Stephanie's death made it easier for us? What part of anyone dying makes it easier for anyone?

Maybe you didn't want to change an adults nappy or feed someone or take them back to their supported living and feel guilty for not being able to meet their needs. Or maybe you felt guilty for not understanding what it was like to have a child like Stephanie, or maybe you didn't understand what it was like to have unconditional love and worry every single day for what the future held and have sleepless nights for budget cuts and worries about the care system and abuse and all those terrible documentaries you saw on Panorama and wonder ... no, you couldn't wonder, could you? You couldn't let your mind go there. And the children's residential school that you entrusted your non verbal child to that was investigated years later for abuse, no, just no.

So every day you worried and you worried about who was going to do all this worry when you were no longer here, fight for those budget cuts from health year on year, fight for those staff changes, would you have changed it?  could you have changed it? it was what it was. Stephanie was who she was and now she isn't here any more and we are still here, mourning her, missing her and our lives will never be the same again as our lives were shaped by who she was and without her there is this great big gap that just can never be filled.

It's not just Stephanie that's gone.

Week 39 2026 One Daily Positive and Project 365

People are still frightened to mention Stephanie to us despite us talking about, they let us talk and we have photo's up, but we feel like we're constantly navigating other peoples awkwardness, which is something a fellow blogger said to me a while ago about their daughter which is so desperately sad and there are so few words for.

Saturday 26th September Peter and I took Thing 1 our eldest great nephew to Barry Island for breakfast, a walk on the beach and to spend money on the 2p slots and on the fun fair. Then we head to Jenner Park for the match which Barry lost 4-1. Shocked to discover with a crowd of less than 500 that VAR is in play in the Welsh Premier League. On our way home child 2 got called out so we picked up DIL and grandchildren who live near the The Things but had already arranged to meet niece in Monmouth to drop Thing 1 off so she followed us back anyway as we drove past her house, all too cokmplicat4ed to explain. Got home at 7pm and son arrived at 8pm anyway. A late night for all.

Sunday 27th September Awake around 7am and out the house around 9.30am to the Three Counties Show arriving in a down pour. we all split up to do our own thing with kids, without kids, met up again in ones and twos for  food, drink, funfair, giant pumpkins, pony rides etc. Home around 4pm, neighbours kids round for an hour or so. Roast dinner and everyone home by 6pm. Peter and I had a quick tidy and hoover round, washing on, everything ready for work in the morning, tv watched and bed around 10pm. I was exhausted.

Monday 28th  September I really struggled to get up, but got to work on time. New book choice for book club so messaged Peter to meet me at the library and we went for a coffee. Home for dinner and watched some TV and at 7.30pm I went out for a run. Had a bath and watched more TV and went to bed.

Tuesday 29the September I was awake early so decided to go for a run at 6am, had a shower then off to work. A busy day as always then home and fell asleep on the sofa for an hour after dinner, and a bath and was in bed by 7.30pm absolutely shattered and asleep within the hour.

Wednesday 30 the September Up at 5.30am and out for a 3k run. It absolutely chucked it down and I was drenched. showered and off to work to a very confusing email for cover and other things which resulted in an email signed off as 'adaptable as I am, mind reader I am not' Home by 4pm, dinner and down the retail park for a coffee and then the gym. Home to do some work online a shower and TV and bed.

Thursday 1st October  Busy day in work and I need a day to get ahead of myself, every time I think I have time for paperwork someone fills the gap for me. Headed off to the nail bar getting changed first in the car ready to run home after a coffee with Peter who drove home. Dinner when I got back. We watched The Blame, I went for a bath, and had an hours chat with my cousin and watched the last half hour of Traitors, then I packed and sorted things out for our camping trip on the weekend and didn't get to bed till almost midnight.

Friday 2nd October Work was so busy, cover all day and all of it last minute. I have many other roles from attendance calls  to pupil premium support and it means I'll be spending a couple of hours this weekend on paperwork. Peter collected me and we drove to Newport for the night ahead of a parkrun and a 3rd birthday party in the morning. I had to buy a lighter since stopping smoking as I had nothing to light the gas bottle to cook my dinner on, which is a reminder to change the gas bottle and get the habitation check done not eh van. In carved a pumpkin, made a hedgehog from a book and watched the Traitors and in bed at 10pm.

On the blog this week:

Post Comment Love - Link up with any post written this week 

London Marathon Training - September 2026

Word of the week - Changes

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Word of the week - Changes

The most obvious changes this week have been in the garden and in my wardrobe.

I know have a summer and half a winter wardrobe. Only half because the winter coats are still in the loft with the winter boots. The jumpers are at the back of the cupboard and drawers and the hats, scarves and gloves need locating. I do wear all these shoes on rotation, I don't see the need to throw any of them away just for the sake of it and I haven't bought new shoes/sandals/boots for almost 2 years. Other than running trainers. I am selling a lot of clothes not worn and with no intention of wearing on Vinted.

I've also had to make numerous choices in the garden. The cushions on the egg pod are drying on a chair near the door, as I didn't get the cover on in time from a recent rain storm, so now is the time to move it further under cover so I don't need to keep remembering to cover it, which involves rearranging the whole area and moving the pots and preparing the plants for winter, digging up the herbs from the raised beds and putting into pots to eventually bring inside also and preparing the seeds trays and bringing the metal seeds stand in ready to plants seeds in February.

I've brought the bougainvillea inside now before the first frost, before the temperatures drop too low, now the sun no longer reaches the yardarm in the garden (Peter was convinced I made that up, it's a nautical term) We don't live anywhere near the sea.

Photo taken through the window, cat litter tray because we were away one night and I couldn't open the door due to the cushions and blankets in the way.

And for a while things are going to be in pickle, it's all getting a bit messy inside and outside the house as the changes of the season take place. All the summer gardening shoes and beach sandals that have been dumped after holiday need washing and drying and putting away.

And it won't be long before winter arrives and the changes in the garden become permanent, but the ones in the wardrobe change again and the mess in the house increases as Christmas is prepared for and then suddenly it's December and back to school again and months of nothingness happening with the garden or the wardrobe until Spring arrive.

2nd - 4th October 2026 Post Comment Love

Welcome back to #PoCoLo with Stephanie from Bosworth.Life and I.

Post Comment Love #PoCoLo is a friendly weekly linky where you can link up any blog post you've written this week. If you're new or a regular visitor we're sure you'll find something of interest.

Please leave a comment with the host you link up with and we'd also appreciate your help spreading the #PoCoLo word on Twitter/X tag us and we'll RT. You can find us here: Stephanie - @BosworthLife and Suzanne - @ChickenRuby Please also add our badge to your post.

I'll be catching up with reading your posts, sharing and commenting over the next few days. 

Time is just racing by and I'm a couple of weeks behind with posting and commenting again, but hopefully I'll have caught up by the time this post goes live. 

I'm just trying to get through the next few days has we've been hurtling towards the second anniversary of Stephanie's death.

I feel like all I do is just wait for dates to hurtle by so I can get to the nice stuff. Unfortunately, it is Peter's birthday the day before, which he shares with one of my best friends and our great niece and the end of the month is our wedding anniversary.

It is hard to be happy and sad in the same breath some times. But it happens.

Out running at 6am, in the dark and the rain.

Rainbows in the evening after the rain.

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London Marathon Training September 2026

Distance run: 35km and a 54km ultra challenge.

Work outs: 8 gym visits. 

Runs: 3/4 per week each 3-4km 

I'm still a 'good beginner' for my age. It's been almost a year since I started running and 8 months since I stopped smoking. I guess this is my pace. I should be on for 5 and a half hours for the London Marathon. At least an hour off the Brighton time and I think that hour was waiting around for toilets. 

Things I'm learning:

Nutrition - Hairbos are good to eat whilst running.

Fluids - I really need to work on this as I'm spending too much time focusing on my need to wee. When they're aren't any toilets I don't seem to need them as much, purely psychological.

Carbs - Eaten before a run but at least 2-3 hours prior.

Proteins - Eaten after a run.

Footwear - I've put in an offer on Vinted for an identical pair of shoes I ran Brighton in so I can alternate between the two pairs for training and the marathon. Still not heard back and the shoes were posted 4 months ago. I'll try some others. My pumas I ran the ultra in are now goners also.

Running apps - couch to 5k is my go to app. I love running with it, listening to Steve Cram my chosen coach, just for the motivation, the timings and the reminders.

Things to avoid:

Social Media. Still avoiding social media, have even muted the London Marathon Facebook page. There's nothing useful in there, all I'm seeing is a lot of pressure people are putting on themselves.

I'm more than happy with the clothing choices I've made, but I do need to run in my shorts for as long as possible. My biggest struggle is with getting hot feet and my shoes just aren't working for me. I can run comfortably in my adidas ones but the puma ones are shot to pieces after the Thames Path Challenge and the adidas ones are just lacking something.

Things to do:

Still working on that menu and the running apps. 

Hotel near Wandsworth is booked and I need to ask for the Friday off work as Bibs can only be collected in person or by handing over your ID and asking someone else to get it, but then I've still got the palaver of getting the bib from them the night before or the morning of the race.

Here's how August went

Week 38 - One Daily Positive and Project 365

The negatives

Been feeling really down and sad this week.

The positives

I made time this week to read, ensure I was up to date with all my work, start some crafts, run and catch ups with friends and get started on next months birthday gifts and cards. I also loaded the van for the charity shop and got several more items listed and sold on Vinted.

Saturday 19th I had a lie in then mid morning headed off to Birmingham for the football, it was a close and exciting game. A bit of trouble outside the ground afterwards that I sidestepped and straight home on the train getting in at 7pm. watched some TV and read a bit more of my book from the train.

Sunday 20th A lazy morning then off to Worcester for a coffee with Peter and a wander round the charity shops. I bought a couple of things, but in general the quality and the price is just. home and some tidying and sorting and I did a bit of gardening and assessed what needs doing over the coming weeks. I enjoyed an hour or two going through all my father's football memorabilia. I went out for a run in the late afternoon and popped in at a friend's for a glass of water and to arrange a coffee date. Peter made a roast, then I got ready for work in the morning, had a bath, tidied my wardrobe and dusted the bedroom, landing, stairs and hallway. Bed late as I'd forgotten to get my work bag ready.

Monday 21st A full day teaching drama and PSHE and home for a run for which I wasn't properly prepared for and I only managed 3k. I was too hot and needed a wee the whole time, came home defeated and sat on the doorstep with the neighbours child and the cat for a while then the sofa for an hour watching TV, had an early bath after dinner, then got on with some paperwork and was in bed by 9pm.

Tuesday 22nd Took the van to work as we needed fuel. History and RE today. Stayed on a little to do some filing and finish a training course then to the retail park to meet a friend for coffee and give her, her birthday present from last week. Home at 7pm and straight out for a run. I'm trying to stack miles/kms. Had a shower and an early night to read my book.

Wednesday 23rd Off to work via the bus stop in town to drop my old students birthday gift with her and see her on her birthday. Straight home at the end of the day, got changed and everything ready for the morning. Made a tuna pasta salad for later, watched some TV and tidied a few things in the kitchen. Took myself off for a 3k run which ended at the gym for a stretch and mobilise class till 8pm. Peter picked me up, bath and off to bed.

Thursday 24th Work and getting really tired. Went for coffee after work and they've changed the layout. I liked the corners to hide in if I wasn't feeling sociable, but now it's all open plan and bright. Friend arrived for coffee after I did some shopping and I got home at 7pm. I had a bag of Percy Pigs for tea and I don't care, watched TV, had a bath and moved a tonne of stuff that grandson can now reach or we suspect he may be able to reach. Sorted out the Halloween stuff for drop off and posting for grandchildren.

Friday 25 It's been a long week work wise. Left on the bell and straight off to the Three Counties Show for a look round ahead of going with the family on Sunday for the day. Home at 6pm with a new plant stand and some Wicked Gluten Free cookies. Had dinner, a bath, found a letter inviting my dad to play a game for Aston Villa in 1960. Watched The Blame and in bed by 10pm.

On the blog this week:

Word of the week - Tired and Challenging

The best bits of August

Post comment Love - Link up with any post written this week 

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Word of the week - Challenging

The week has been challenging.

I've been challenged.

I'm challenging.

I'm struggling as we approach the 2nd anniversary of Stephanie's death. I'll be honest, it's not the fact we're approaching the 2nd anniversary of her death. I've just not been right since she died, I'll not be right again. I'm guessing after 2 years this is just how I am. How things are now.

I've been watching Eastenders and Kat has lost her daughter Zoe, she just died in her sleep. Because yes, shit like that just happens and I've found the story line to be challenging. They've not even had the funeral yet and the rest of the family feel that Kat is distancing themselves from them. Almost neglecting them, refusing to acknowledge their grief while they're packing up Zoe's room and planting magnolia trees and moving on through the healing process which I get with the smaller children in the family, they all seem to think Kat should just be joining in with it. Then there's Sharron with her 'I know what it was like when  lost my Dennie' well with all due respect Sharon and the script writers, that ain't helping Kat or anyone who has lost a child right now, or ever.

I feel challenged in work. Not work wise but personally. I don't feel it's just me that's feeling this way, but I feel someone is trying to trip me and another up with silly little emails and comments and then all smiles and well done in public, but whilst I'm not playing their games, I find the whole thing challenging and exhausting as it'll all end badly against them in the long run and it's an unnecessary game to be playing.

I'm challenging. I'm not standing for anyone's crap anymore. See above for starters. I'm binding my time, slapping a smile on, but I'm recording everything as I should be and hitting 'reply all' to the nonsense to cover my back, which seems to be working and I'm standing my ground and asserting myself.

I'm challenging myself and I've been running properly, like proper training now for the London marathon. I'm running almost everyday. Running for longer periods and longer distances and doing proper warm ups.

I've challenged myself to have a clear out and it's going well. I've been getting rid of loads of stuff, selling things on Vinted, using up loads of things from my craft room. I've been making cards for ages and I'm always making decorations for Halloween and Easter. I've started scrapbooking and I'm making photo and scrap collages from pictures and memorabilia of my dads, Stephanies and the grandchildren to reduce the amount of paperwork in the loft and then I'm going through the last of the keep sake boxes of mine and Peters to do the same with and then display in large frames on the walls to enjoy and be able to look at rather than having stored in boxes that no one sees.

I found this letter inviting my father to play a game for Aston Villa in 1960 which is now displayed in a frame on the wall. As a Birmingham City fan, that has been very challenging.

25th - 27th September 2026 - Post Comment Love

Welcome back to #PoCoLo with Stephanie from Bosworth.Life and I.

Post Comment Love #PoCoLo is a friendly weekly linky where you can link up any blog post you've written this week. If you're new or a regular visitor we're sure you'll find something of interest.

Please leave a comment with the host you link up with and we'd also appreciate your help spreading the #PoCoLo word on Twitter/X tag us and we'll RT. You can find us here: Stephanie - @BosworthLife and Suzanne - @ChickenRuby Please also add our badge to your post.

I'll be catching up with reading your posts, sharing and commenting over the next few days. 

It's a busy weekend as always, when isn't it with us?

Football again as usual, but this weekend it's at Barry Town. VIP tickets with my Great Nephew, Thing 1. Taking him to see where his great grandad played football in the 1960's. 

Sunday is the Three Counties Show and our granddaughter is very excited to be seeing some of my students from school who will be there with farm produce and animals. Actually the students are just as excited to be seeing her again after the summer show.

`I've been sorting through my dad's things the past few weeks and can't help wondering why he saved so much stuff. My father was almost a hoarder. I found this piece of lace folded up inside a book of when he toured Malta with Barry Town in 1961. It's been washed now and is waiting to be ironed and will be used on my bedside table and enjoyed. I doubt it will last another 61 years, but it wasn't meant to be tucked away in a book. 

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The best bits of August 2026

August seems so far away now since going back to school, autumn starting and the nights drawing in. But it also doesn't seem like 5 minutes ago we were lying around the pool in Crete and it was end to end sunshine without a cloud in sight.

Our 4 year old grandson was watching our lawn turn brown on video calls and then green again as we finally had rain. He lives much further north and didn't get the droughts and extreme temperatures like we did in the midlands.

The cat is her usual affectionate self.

New shopping haunts in Birmingham, most of it was from the 80's.

Football.

Days out with the National Trust and English Heritage. Whitley Court.

Back to running.

Fun with the grandchildren.

How was August for you?

Word of the week - Tired

I'm tired this week, physically and mentally.

Tired from the running the ultra on Saturday.

It took me 3 days before I could do stairs without crying and my sleep pattern has just returned to normal.

Tired from the lack of interest. 

I was actually talking to one person who had asked me what I'd done on the weekend and half way through saying it was a memorial walk/run for Stephanie, they exclaimed in shock 'oh my god I left my water bottle at home' Someone else actually interrupted me talking to another that a friend of theirs had done the 10k that weekend also.

Yes I get it people die and after a while it becomes personal to that individual, not even the wider family, but the failure to acknowledge someone is grieving is what gets me, you don't have to understand it.

I hear all the time about that 'poor person' down the road, on the telly, on social media and you look at the person talking to you and think ...

... when did you stop thinking? You're telling my story there, you're showing compassion and empathy for some poor other soul, but when I say I'm struggling, you've closed off, retreated and changed the subject as fast as you could.

Tired from doing the same things over and over.

Work, TV, make tomorrow's pack lunch, gym, running, TV (insert gardening/housework/reading/coffee out) dinner, bath, get ready for work in the morning, bed.

Tired from lack of sleep.

I want the world to carry on around me, not wait for me to wake up.

Week 37 - One Daily Positive and Project 365

The negatives

I'd love to have a training buddy, friend that I could run/walk with. Almost everyone at the Ultra was in a pair or a group. Siblings , friends or work buddies doing the challenge together. There were lots of people on their own though and leading onto the positives ...

The positives

... I teamed up with 2 guys and ran 10km with them and the last 5km I found a woman who was struggling and asked her if she wanted someone to walk with as in 'please walk with me, I don't think I'll manage on my own'

I'm surprised at how quickly I recovered from the 50km walk/run on the weekend. I struggled to get up the stairs on Saturday and back down again on the Sunday, but by Monday I wasn't in any discomfort at all. 

I'm starting a weekly moan:

Parking charges in town do my head in. 50p for an hour unless you arrive after 4pm and then it's a flat rate of £2.

Saturday 12th September The Thames Path Ultra Challenge. I was out on my feet from 6.30am till 7.20pm  and we got home at 10pm. I wouldn't have got through the day without my one man support crew, Peter. 50km ticked off, next up. The London Marathon. Listened to the Derby v Birmingham game on my phone, won 2-1. Met up with another woman to walk the last 5km with, we both needed it. There were several times when I wanted to pack it all in.

Sunday 13 September Most of the day spent in bed, hips not working, stairs done sideways. TV watched, snack eaten and slept most of the day. Around 3.30pm I decided I needed to get up. I picked some tomatoes, a cucumber and some peppers, managed the stairs properly, into town for a bit of shopping and a coffee. Home to do some baking and make courgette soup and lunches for the week.

Monday 14 Work was manic, all day on the phone and e-mailing and filing and most of it spent sitting down and didn't I feel it. Unexpected staff meeting as I hadn't written it in my private diary. I met Peter for a coffee and we ordered granddaughters birthday present online which now involves a trip to Bristol for him to collect it on Wednesday as I'd left it too late to get it locally. We binged watched Ludvig.

Tuesday 15 A full day of cover with maths, it went really well, but my head was pounding and I hadn't slept well the night before. I met a former student from my previous school for a coffee, sent a parcel to my son's girlfriend in Australia for her birthday. Postal costs have almost doubled in the past 6 years. Home for dinner, bath, some work related things, scheduled blog posts, bath and in bed by 9pm. 

Wednesday 16 Peter went to visit his mum for the day and collected granddaughters present. I got home from work, had dinner, got changed and did a bit of shopping, bumped into last years, year 11 student for a catch up about college, had a coffee and a video call with granddaughter then to the gym for stretch and mobilise. I'll be back running tomorrow. Home for a bath and straight to bed by 8.30pm. Camel pack washed and in freezer for storage.

Thursday 17 Started the morning cleaning the bathroom followed by a long day in work with a study session for parents after school till 6pm. I caught up with all my paperwork and filing and popped out for a coffee and sat in the van wrapping up gifts between the end of school and the start of the session. Home via Morrisons to pick up some birthday tea treats for tomorrow and home to put together a birthday tea (sandwiches will be made tomorrow). I had dinner and did the washing up whilst watching the soaps and had a bath and was in bed by 9.30pm.

Friday 18 Granddaughters 7th birthday and Peter picked me up after work and we drove down to see her as I'd missed her party the previous weekend due to running the ultra. We had flamingo and cat shaped sandwiches, her choice was tomato ketchup, her brother jam. I had cheese on gf toast and the adults had pizza. Video call with the other grandchildren. We got home at 10pm.

On the blog this week:

Post Comment Love - Link up with any post written this week

The Thames Path Challenge 50k Ultra

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18th -20th September 2026 Post Comment Love

Welcome back to #PoCoLo with Stephanie from Bosworth.Life and I.

Post Comment Love #PoCoLo is a friendly weekly linky where you can link up any blog post you've written this week. If you're new or a regular visitor we're sure you'll find something of interest.

Please leave a comment with the host you link up with and we'd also appreciate your help spreading the #PoCoLo word on Twitter/X tag us and we'll RT. You can find us here: Stephanie - @BosworthLife and Suzanne - @ChickenRuby Please also add our badge to your post.

I finally caught up with my promise ...

'I'll be catching up with reading your posts, sharing and commenting over the next few days.'

I don't know where the time goes some weeks. do you? Here I am Friday morning, writing this before work, with the cat begging for food, my work alarm going off and the kettle has boiled twice and other weeks everything is scheduled on Sunday night just waiting for photos to be popped in. 

Anyway, I baked cake this week, gluten free and all for me and it's going down well.

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The Thames Path Challenge 50k Ultra - Not just 8k more than a marathon.

I didn't get much sleep and I had a 30 minute 2 mile walk to reach the start line in Fulham setting off at 7.30am on the Thames Path Challenge. But the day had started on a positive note. The day was for remembering Stephanie and whilst Peter and I were doing different things that day we were both doing something that we wanted to do to remember her by and on the anniversary in October we'll be doing something together that we would have usually done with Stephanie.

I met up with 2 guys and jogged the first 12 km with them almost to the rest stop. Unfortunately I was in the wrong trainers and off road, something I'd not prepared for and my feet were buggered. My ham strings and right knee were agony. I managed to rest, stretch, take fluids and carbs on board and set off again, but then my socks got wet, my knickers started to chafe and by 20km I was going to give up. 

I tried calling my friend who started this whole running thing off not even a year ago, but she was out with friends having brunch. So I just kept on going.

I stopped once to sort my socks.

Twice to sort my socks.

There were two further rest stops.

Loads more opportunities to give up.

I cried.

I'm didn't even run it to raise funds, but I'm not shy asking for a donation if you've a pound or two to spare. Feel free to donate.

5km from the end. There was a woman on a bench. I'd seen her several times during the day. I asked her if she'd like someone to walk with to the end. She looked at me and then I said 'please walk with me, I'll not make it on my own' she laughed and we walked and marched the last 5km together, plus the extra 1km they didn't tell us about, hugged and went our separate ways.

Peter helped me into the car after taking a couple of photos and drove home into the night.

It was a struggle to get up the stairs. Sunday I couldn't get out of bed. Monday I was back in work, walking very slowly and couldn't go up or down stairs. Tuesday I couldn't sleep. Wednesday I was back in the gym and Thursday I couldn't stop eating. I still can't wear shoes. It's trainers, Birkenstocks or Crocs at the moment. The balls of my feet feel like they've been shredded, despite not having any blisters. 

Camel pack has been sterilised and is stored in the freezer as it's impossible to get it dry.

I pick an annual walk/challenge near to the anniversary of Stephanie's death October 2024. Stephanie was our daughter and she had profound multiple disabilities. The only thing she was capable of doing for herself 100% was walk. Once we'd put her shoes and socks on, ensured she was in a safe and secure area and monitored her 24/7, had moved all obstacles she had trip over, hurt herself on etc etc and outside the home were there to hold her hand.