When I was pregnant every person in the world thought it was right to comment on my pregnancy at any time of their choosing.
'Is this your first?'
'What do you want?'
Well I assume they meant boy or girl, but had much more fun with 'well actually I was hoping for a pony'
Automatic touching of my bump, without seeking approval and on one occassion whilst out, my t shirt was lifted prior to the belly rub.
Then the endless 'horror' stories, labour lasting 3 days, how pain relief doesn't work and even critism for saying you'll have pain relief. 'oh well done you for subjecting yourself to unnecessary pain then forcing the whole story upon us'
Stitches? how many? intimate details and shown 'C'section scars without requesting to see them.
Antenatal classes, birthing partners 'so you're a single mum?' you'll never cope' 'you're too young' the look was enough without the additional comments.
Expert advice 'It's a girl, its all round the front and such a neat bump (3 boys all carried the same)
'Wow 8lb 5oz, you must have been ripped to shreds?'
2nd and 3rd pregnancies just got worse.
'You trying for a girl?' 'one of each would complete your family' 'oh a girl this time...the perfect family'
16 years ago I wasn't given the option to know the sex of my baby and anyway to me that would be like having the gifts unwrapped under the tree all year then acting with fake surprise.
'Oh..another boy, you can always try again'
3rd Pregnancy 'do you want to know the sex this time?'
What ever answer I gave I was a goner
'You must want a girl'
and when I replied 'I'm not fussed...I'd rather have a pony' this was met with 'oh dear, she wants a girl'
So I said 'what happens if I ask and they tell me it's a boy? Do I abort? how do I explain to my other 2 boys that they're not really wanted and I'll just keep on trying till I get a girl?'
So now 12 years on and my boys are 19, 16 and 12 I'm still asked if I regret not having a girl...it wasn't actually a choice I could make and no I don't. So if I say 'no I don't regret it' its greated with those looks and comments that say 'it's too painful to talk about' or if I were to reply 'yes I regret not having a girl' I don't want years of pity for something just to shut them up and make them feel better.
Oh and don't forget the second marriage, we chose not to have children together as between us we had 5, the eldest being a daughter but profoundly disabled...see I can't even get that right, but it still didn't stop the comments of 'but it would make your family complete' and 'hubby could have a second chance of a normal daughter and you the daughter you deserve'
So I guess I'm stuck, but hey I've got one thing to look forward to at least...
I can always hope for granddaughters...and yes that's actually been said to me also.
