Friday 1 July 2011

Welcome to the other side

I'm here, I'm 40 and not even a single hair sprouting on my face, the grey hairs have been with me for at least a decade now, but who cares? I?

I can't believe I'm all grown up, an adult, ffs I have an adult child living in another country from me...I don't look old enough, why thank you, I was 20 and probably wasn't old enough.

I have 2 step children and I discoverd about 4 years ago that people stopped saying (with surprise in their voice) 'oh you don't look old enough' and reality kicks in.

Who gave me all this responsibilty, a career, a family, a husband, (2nd one) and a mortgage, let me sit on the PTA and make decisions about other peoples children, or even worse gave me a job with proper responsibilities Safeguarding other peoples children?

I suppose I should thank the midwife when I had my first child 19 years ago when she said....'I'm going off shift now, ring the bell if you need anything'

Ring the effing bell????? Where's my manual for all of this? It's not just changing a nappy or feeding and settling a crying baby, but what next? what happens now? Oh I see I just get on with it.

And I did.

I've made mistakes, wrong decisions, my kids are all growing up now and don't need me as a Mummy like they used to, they sleep through the night. I'm staying up now, not to make sure they've come home but to check they've locked the bloody door after themselves. I act as a taxi driver, a counsellor, a bank, I administer first aid 'nah, you'll be alright, get on with it' and I have a life....

...I'm just not sure I'll ever be ready for it.