If you're fed up of hearing about Stephanie.
Fed up of hearing over and over about grief
Hearing yourself saying 'here she goes again'
Sighing and thinking 'what more can I say?'
Then I hear you. You're finding it hard. It is hard to keep being there for someone who is grieving.
I've read the blog posts, I've seen the photos, I've scrolled past. I've not known what to say.
But I've also stopped and paused and lingered and added a heart or a care or a comment or made a connection, because something has tugged at my heart, something has made me think.
It's unrelenting - grieving.
It's become as much, if not more, part of my life as Stephanie was.
I blog about my life, that's what Chickenruby is all about, therefore I blog about my grief.
I don't mind if you can't comment, because you don't know what to say, that's ok. I don't know how I'm going to feel, how I'm going to react.
I blog about grieving because we all experience grief.
We celebrate a pregnancy and a birth, we celebrate the milestones, we share the achievements.
We relate, we imagine how wonderful these experiences are if we haven't reached those milestones.
No matter how hard you try to put yourself in someone else's shoes though you can never replicate the experience, the feeling, the elation and the joy, because everyone's experience is different.
It's the same with grief.
The lead up to Christmas is agonising. Not being able to buy the card, the gifts, not being able to drop off the advent calendar. This is the week all this would have been done. It's noticeable we're not doing it. It's the 2nd Christmas without Stephanie. It's not easier, the gap in our lives without her is immense.
Two of our 4 sons and all 4 of our grandchildren are visiting this weekend.
The last time we had the 4 boys together was at Stephanie's funeral. With one son living in Australia, it'll be a long time before we all get together as a family.
The last time we had all 5 children together, due to us living abroad, was in 2017. It's our last family photo of our family of 7.
It's the first time Peter and I have had all 4 grandchildren together, this is so precious to us. To have the time, to make the memories and to take the photos.
Thank you for sharing about grief and your experience. It can't be easy to put it all into words but you do it in a way that makes people stop, think and understand a little more. A lot of the time I don't know what to say but I do read your posts. Sending love and hugs.
ReplyDeleteHow lovely to have 2 of your boys and the grandkids visiting. Have a wonderful time. xx
Thank you Kim, It is hard to say, I find it so much easier to write down
DeleteGrief is so very unrelenting isn't it, and this time of year is hard. I'm glad that you are continuing to blog about your grief and to talk about Stephanie, because she will always be loved and deserves to be spoken about and remembered. But I get the feeling that people get fed up with it. I talk about Jessica less now, not because I think of her less or want to talk less, but because I am conscious that there is nothing new to say and I get tired of navigating people's awkwardness. Keep talking about Stephanie and sharing her stories with us. I love the photo of you and Peter with your children. I hope you have a lovely time with all four of your grandchildren. Thinking of you as you continue to navigate grief, particularly at this time of year x
ReplyDeleteThank you lousy, it's so hard to know what to say even when you're going through it yourself. I found that so incredibly hard to read that you're tired of navigating other people's awkwardness so you talk less about Jessica, but I know what you mean. Please keep talking about her, you've helped me and others so much and I know from experience just how much it must be helping you also
DeleteIn my opinion grief does not have a timeline or an expiration date and nor should it. Yes we have to move on through life without our loved ones at some point but that doesn't mean not talking or thinking about them. I like reading about your memories of Stephanie and how much joy she brought to all your lives.
ReplyDeletehaving your kids spread out so far must be difficult and I hope sometime in the near future you can be under the same roof again. Thinking of you and sending you a gentle hug x
Thank you Angela
DeleteEveryone has already said what I would have said. So, just keep talking about Stephanie, keep her memories alive, feel sad, feel angry, cry those tears. Then wipe them away and enjoy your family time for a while. no-one is sick of hearing about Stephanie, you talk about her as much as you want and we will listen xx
ReplyDeleteThank you Anne
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