Word of the week - Unrelenting

If you're fed up of hearing about Stephanie.

Fed up of hearing over and over about grief

Hearing yourself saying 'here she goes again'

Sighing and thinking 'what more can I say?'

Then I hear you. You're finding it hard. It is hard to keep being there for someone who is grieving.

I've read the blog posts, I've seen the photos, I've scrolled past. I've not known what to say.

But I've also stopped and paused and lingered and added a heart or a care or a comment or made a connection, because something has tugged at my heart, something has made me think.

It's unrelenting - grieving.

It's become as much, if not more, part of my life as Stephanie was.

I blog about my life, that's what Chickenruby is all about, therefore I blog about my grief. 

I don't mind if you can't comment, because you don't know what to say, that's ok. I don't know how I'm going to feel, how I'm going to react.

I blog about grieving because we all experience grief.

We celebrate a pregnancy and a birth, we celebrate the milestones, we share the achievements. 

We relate, we imagine how wonderful these experiences are if we haven't reached those milestones.

No matter how hard you try to put yourself in someone else's shoes though you can never replicate the experience, the feeling, the elation and the joy, because everyone's experience is different.

It's the same with grief.

The lead up to Christmas is agonising. Not being able to buy the card, the gifts, not being able to drop off the advent calendar. This is the week all this would have been done. It's noticeable we're not doing it. It's the 2nd Christmas without Stephanie. It's not easier, the gap in our lives without her is immense. 

Two of our 4 sons and all 4 of our grandchildren are visiting this weekend.

The last time we had the 4 boys together was at Stephanie's funeral. With one son living in Australia, it'll be a long time before we all get together as a family.

The last time we had all 5 children together, due to us living abroad, was in 2017. It's our last family photo of our family of 7.

It's the first time Peter and I have had all 4 grandchildren together, this is so precious to us. To have the time, to make the memories and to take the photos.