Life in lockdown isn't that different from being an expat.

I've been reflecting on our expat journey over the past 10 years that is coming to an end soon. I've realised that my life hasn't been too different since covid started than to being an expat. Even though I've spent 9 months since the first lockdown started in the UK, I haven't been able to see much of the kids, our parents, our grandchild. We'd not been able to go to family events, attend funerals, weddings, christenings etc regardless of covid.

I've been isolated as an expat living abroad, lonely when Peter has been working and travelling and constantly adapting to circumstances and having plans changed last minute and short notice for things happening or being able to do things.

I know being an expat was through choice to some degree and whenever I've complained about the lifestyle I've been told 'oh well, at least the sun shines' 

But that doesn't make things better, it doesn't fill the loneliness and the isolation. 

Apart from being separated from Peter due to covid hitting whilst we were part way through a move, life hasn't been that different from my family and friends. I'm isolated, I'm lonely, I can't go anywhere, see anyone, we're all in the same boat for a while.

I'd love to visit our daughter living in a care home, but she's outside my area for travel, our grandchild is too far away also. Apart from 2 friends who live in the same town as me, I see no one else. They're bubbling with family, so all I can do is meet up for a walk. I can't wait for garden visits to resume. 

The only main difference is we can use voice of internet and video calling instead of just messaging and expensive, short calls. 

We're used to being alone, we're used to changing plans last minute, we're used to living life with high levels of stress and uncertainty, we're used to hanging around and waiting. We're not used to spending this long apart without knowing when the next trip will be made though.

When I've been told 'but you've been able to travel and see your husband' as an excuse to others driving 50+ miles to their parents, or visit their grandchild. I've had to remind them I haven't broken laws, I've PCR tested to leave and on arrival at the cost of £120 each test and have had 3 periods of 2 weeks isolation/quarantine to be able to travel. Yes I've had a friend in the house, but we both isolated for 2 weeks prior to the visit and for 10 days afterwards before I then had neighbours help me move the sofa in from another neighbours garage. 

As an expat I've had to do hospital appointments, cope with chronic pain, deal with migraines and the after effects of surgery on my own. I've also had to do this during covid, little has changed for me physically.

But mentally, a lot has changed and will continue to change. I've been through a lot on my own, isolated from family and friends, dealing with the sudden death of my father, which I witnessed around the same time as I was seeing an oncologist for 2 years to rule out cancers. We've been out of sight, out of mind. We're still in the same situation now, just in the UK (well I am) for now. I feel for people separated from their families, I've experienced that as an expat and again during lockdown, I have empathy for others situation, I just don't have the capacity to deal with others emotions about it. 

My response now is 'summer is on the way, the sun will soon be shining and it'll be ok' It's been OK for me.

One Daily Positive - Week 2 Still ill

Bloody toothache and a loose front tooth, give me strength. I am quite literally falling apart. The post snapped mid 2017 and the tooth fell out, it cannot be put back in again, and with bone disease, I need grafts before I can have implants, which would mean no top front teeth for 12 weeks while the bone graft heals, but I'm now at the stage where I just have to 'grin and bare it' pun intended. Dentist this week for a plan to be made and it's not going to be cheap. Medical aid won't cover this.

I've been struggling to find interesting things to blog about, despite having a varied life, it's just normal to me to have visitors and travel etc. In between life is just the same as it has been for the past 8 years.

I've started reading a bit more and have 2 books on the go. one on the balcony upstairs and one in the garden, just chick lit style,  but it gets me off the laptop, but slightly confusing as I move between the two books.

6 Sunday Had a lazy morning and popped out for a coffee and a walk along the beach, spent the evening at Global Village a huge outdoor complex with shops, restaurants, lights, entertainment, funfair and so much more. It's only open during the winter months but I did see they're constructing a huge mall.

7 Monday Went to Festival City Mall and met a friend, ordered a new TV unit for upstairs from IKEA and had some lunch, packed mum's suitcase in the afternoon, she over shopped as in I've inherited a 3ft tall reindeer and 4 cushion covers.

8 Tuesday Took mum to the airport for 5am, home, had breakfast and Peter went to work while Bob and I went to the dog park for the morning. Caught up with all the washing after changing the beds and moved all the books out the hallway which involved moving furniture. Peter thought I was mad just buying one carrot and one onion from the shop, but it was all we needed.

9 Wednesday Did a bit of cleaning and moved the furniture and contents into place on the mezzanine. Had a bath at midday, went out for coffee, food shop and to blog. Dentist at 5pm and pub quiz and dinner out in the evening. In between I was back in bed.

10 Thursday Dropped car at garage and spent 7 hours with my friend walking round the World's largest mall. I bought a tea tool. My life is complete.

11 Friday off to Abu Dhabi to collect my uniform and instructions for marshalling on the HSBC European Tour (yes the Golf again). I'll be escorting players from the 9th Green to the 10th Tee on the Friday and from the 17th Green to the 18th Tee on the final day, Saturday. This means I can walk down the course behind the final pairing.I've also been accepted at the Omega Dubai Desert Classic the following week, but child 2 and 2a will be visiting that time, so I may just do the one morning shift. In the evening we visited friends.

12 Saturday Collected sewing machine and overlocker that can't be fixed, collected car that was fixed, cooked a roast dinner and then went to bed. I've ended the week with a sore throat, nasty cough and a blocked nose.

On the blog this week:
Going Green and recycling in Dubai
I've got nothing to blog about, so I blogged about it

An InLinkz Link-up

You don't have cancer, so what next?

Last June I had a migraine that lasted 11 days. I've had migraines since I was a small child. I present with auras, visual disturbances, metallic taste in my mouth, I start to slur my words. This happens anything from 7 days to 5 minutes before the migraine starts. I'll have an episode like once every 12-18 months. The rest of the time, I get migraines that last 2-3 days, at least once every 6 weeks. They've become part of my life, I accept them and work around and through them. I also suffer with chronic pain in my neck after an injury at work 24 years ago, this aggravates the migraines also.

But every now and then I get one so bad, I need medical attention and in the past when I've gone to the hospital, meningitis has been suspected due to my aversion to light and touch and I've had numerous lumbar punctures. I did have viral meningitis in 2000.

This time I decided to go to my GP, I had visual field tests and an MRI. There's a tiny lesion on my right temple but this is probably scarring from the migraines and not the cause. I also have a cough and experiencing shooting pains and numbness in my thigh bone and around my hip joint. I am tired all the time, not sleepy, not lack of motivation, just tired.

The Doctor ran routine bloods.

A week later and now in the UK, she messages me to say I need to get a repeat test carried out. The white blood cell count, platelets and neutrophils indicate at the very least I have an infection of some sort. The count is slightly decreased and then my father died. My health was put on hold.

I return briefly to Dubai, still coughing and saw a pulmonologist. I'm a smoker, the cough is bothering him. I'm diagnosed with pneumonia, given antibiotics and an inhaler. I was hospitalised for pneumonia in 2007. I return to the UK for 2 weeks.

My blood cell count increases, so back to the GP, more tests, an MRI of my hips and thigh. There is nothing there, a chest CT, change in antibiotics. We move house.

I'm referred to an oncologist. My body isn't absorbing iron, this is corrected, yet still my white blood cells and platelets remain high. She suggests the coughing may be due to a silent reflux and recommends I take a one a day tablet. The coughing eases.

I have a bone marrow biopsy. I wait 2 weeks for the results. I know the oncologist just wants to rule cancer and bone marrow disease out, she says it may pick up the very early stages of a problem that she can deal with. I spend 2 weeks stressing out. I can't help but think the worse. I'm still having more frequent migraines, stopped taking the preventative medication that was prescribed by the neurologist last June, it's not working. The biopsy was one of the most uncomfortable things I've ever had done in my life and 3 weeks on the site is still quite sore, doesn't help I keep banging it.

So I got my results last Tuesday, no cancer, no bone marrow disease, no known cause. Repeat bloods are taken, count still high, body still not absorbing iron so lifestyle changes to diet are put in place, another migraine, medication doesn't work and still having pains in my hip and thigh bone. I'm still tired, even after 8 hours sleep.

I been googling my symptoms, it seems I'm stressed. No wonder with all this going on and my father dying last year. But all this started before he died and still doesn't explain the high white blood cell and platelet count.

I'm back in the UK next week for the summer, I'll be monitoring my levels of tiredness, the bone pain and migraines. I've stopped drinking coffee and reduced my intake of wheat products and dairy as these are the 3 things that can prevent your body from absorbing iron. Other than that I am at a loss as to what to do. I'm glad its not cancer or a bone marrow disease, but it leaves me in the same position I was in last year, I'm just not well and no one knows why.