Life in lockdown isn't that different from being an expat.

I've been reflecting on our expat journey over the past 10 years that is coming to an end soon. I've realised that my life hasn't been too different since covid started than to being an expat. Even though I've spent 9 months since the first lockdown started in the UK, I haven't been able to see much of the kids, our parents, our grandchild. We'd not been able to go to family events, attend funerals, weddings, christenings etc regardless of covid.

I've been isolated as an expat living abroad, lonely when Peter has been working and travelling and constantly adapting to circumstances and having plans changed last minute and short notice for things happening or being able to do things.

I know being an expat was through choice to some degree and whenever I've complained about the lifestyle I've been told 'oh well, at least the sun shines' 

But that doesn't make things better, it doesn't fill the loneliness and the isolation. 

Apart from being separated from Peter due to covid hitting whilst we were part way through a move, life hasn't been that different from my family and friends. I'm isolated, I'm lonely, I can't go anywhere, see anyone, we're all in the same boat for a while.

I'd love to visit our daughter living in a care home, but she's outside my area for travel, our grandchild is too far away also. Apart from 2 friends who live in the same town as me, I see no one else. They're bubbling with family, so all I can do is meet up for a walk. I can't wait for garden visits to resume. 

The only main difference is we can use voice of internet and video calling instead of just messaging and expensive, short calls. 

We're used to being alone, we're used to changing plans last minute, we're used to living life with high levels of stress and uncertainty, we're used to hanging around and waiting. We're not used to spending this long apart without knowing when the next trip will be made though.

When I've been told 'but you've been able to travel and see your husband' as an excuse to others driving 50+ miles to their parents, or visit their grandchild. I've had to remind them I haven't broken laws, I've PCR tested to leave and on arrival at the cost of £120 each test and have had 3 periods of 2 weeks isolation/quarantine to be able to travel. Yes I've had a friend in the house, but we both isolated for 2 weeks prior to the visit and for 10 days afterwards before I then had neighbours help me move the sofa in from another neighbours garage. 

As an expat I've had to do hospital appointments, cope with chronic pain, deal with migraines and the after effects of surgery on my own. I've also had to do this during covid, little has changed for me physically.

But mentally, a lot has changed and will continue to change. I've been through a lot on my own, isolated from family and friends, dealing with the sudden death of my father, which I witnessed around the same time as I was seeing an oncologist for 2 years to rule out cancers. We've been out of sight, out of mind. We're still in the same situation now, just in the UK (well I am) for now. I feel for people separated from their families, I've experienced that as an expat and again during lockdown, I have empathy for others situation, I just don't have the capacity to deal with others emotions about it. 

My response now is 'summer is on the way, the sun will soon be shining and it'll be ok' It's been OK for me.

I'm not bored, I'm lonely.

I'm thinking of leaving the curtains closed for a few days and see if any of my neighbours notice and knock on the door to see if I'm OK.

We're constantly being told through the media to check on those on their own, the vulnerable, the elderly. And yes, I'm doing that. I'm still doing mums online shopping for her and even sorted out her Christmas shopping and cards when I posted to her last week while they've been in lockdown in Wales and the presents are all with my DIL just over the border in England for her to drop off once England come out of lockdown in early December.

During Lockdown 1.0 I felt like I was in Groundhog day, but I had more than enough things to be getting on with renovating the house and garden and every Thursday for 9 weeks all the neighbours checked in on the street for Clap for Key workers, in between they seemed to be spending a lot of time at the front of their house, hanging around waiting for a door to open to grab a chance for a quick chat.

I then travelled to Dubai for 3 weeks, I let the neighbours know I was going, then I returned for two weeks to isolate and not one neighbour came round, asked if I needed anything, in fact some 4 weeks later I saw a neighbour who said 'oh you're back' and since then, not a peep from any of them.

Dealing with loneliness is something I've been doing now for 10 years, back home in Dubai, Peter is out at work everyday and although I get out the house most days for something to do, same as I'm doing here during covid, I'm on my own, filling up 10+ hours. There is only so much reading, drinking coffee, cleaning to do, writing letters, watching TV, but at least he would be home at the end of the day. In the UK there is even more time to fill. Thankfully I'm sleeping now for at least 8-10 hours a day. but if you take out prepping, cooking and meal times, a shower/bath, dog walk, coffee/tea, washing up, cleaning etc that still leaves 8+ hours a day to find something to do to relieve the boredom and loneliness.

I have been going out everyday for long walks with the dog, stopping for a coffee, sitting outside and I often find someone to chat with and once a week I've been going further afield to visit family and friends and my friend comes round every Friday night for chips and wine, but of course we're back in lockdown again so that all stops.

I'm sure there are many others like myself, on their own but not falling into the elderly or vulnerable category. I know there are many others that are craving some alone time whilst juggling work from home and home education, I see it on social media daily. I'm grateful not to have finances to worry about, that I have a garden to sit and work in and a car to get out further a field. I have hobbies, things to do to entertain myself, but nothing replaces the emptiness of the house, the silence that I'm living in for the majority of the time and its hard work.

The longer I'm not around people the more my anxiety builds when I do go out and the less I want to actually be around people, the thought of sitting on a plane for 7 hours soon, is creeping in, there's no one to just talk to when I need to, I have to wait till people have finished work, sorted the kids out and had 5 mins to breathe and rest before we can speak and then I don't want to off load, I want to hear about their day, talk about anything and feel grateful they've made the time for me to remember I'm on my own and I'm struggling.

What's annoying me this week

Let's start with a positive first. I've been ok during lockdown, yes I've had my moments where the day has been too long and I've been lonely, in the first few weeks when the most I could do was have a brief chat with my friend on the doorstep who kindly dropped off dog food and another who gave me a table and chairs for outdoors. But in general life has been much better for me in the UK than it would've been in Dubai. I obviously miss Peter, but with the curfews, needing permission to leave the house and the oppressive summer sun and lack of voice over internet calls, lockdown would've been much tougher for me. I've been able to social distance visit family and have friends round to sit in the garden, had the freedom to use the phone and video calls with family and friends around the world. Birthdays have been unique and special. I've completely redecorated the house and gutted the garden creating a lovely clean space both inside and out to enjoy. I also fully appreciate that I am in a privileged position without having to worry about finances, health and home educating.

Media.
They annoy me all the time, I often tweet individuals with what I think about their news coverage. I often get replies or a call out on the TV, the 2 who wind me up the most are Piers Morgan and Kay Burley, I just can't turn the TV off quick enough. What's with the media labelling this weekend 'Super Saturday' and using stock images of people partying and NOT social distancing. What's happened to the Government adverts? They're still needed, a lot of people seem to think that the media are running and controlling this virus and if they say we can celebrate, then we can.

Social Services.
We've been battling with our daughters care home and social services for years, as we're not in the country it's as if we don't count. We find things out from concerned staff, such as issues with the other resident going out throughout lockdown with her father. Apparently a risk assessment was carried out. I put in a phone call to Public Health who reported all guidelines are being followed and Social Services basically said 'yeah they should've involved you in the process' and the care home, said 'If you want to see your daughter you can' However for 12 weeks all they sent me were letters to say 'stay away' Social Services also 'forgot' to send us a copy of her care plan, despite them confirming 'yes we have your contact details'.

People.
I'm also annoyed by some family, friends and neighbours who have pretty much carried on as normal, looking after the grandkids, having their adult children round for Sunday lunch every week, popping out daily to the shops for something to do and who know mine and Peter's situation, that we've been 3000 miles apart for over 3 months and we won't be flying until this virus is under control. I can return to Dubai but may not be able to get back and Peter can come here but with the virus on the rise again, he could get stranded here. He needs to be in Dubai for work, I need to be in the UK for the house and the cat and dog.

Professionals.
Shoddy workmanship is also irritating me. The guttering is still leaking, the tiles in the shower room don't match, we have odd coloured sink, bath, panels and loo in the bathroom. The kettle doesn't fit under the tap and the cold water is pathetically slow in the kitchen. I've spent all of lockdown redecorating and tidying the garden. I was more than happy with the work after seeing how the professionals left it, but now it needs something adding to it, it's all white, it's boring and the garden lacks some bling.

Belongings.
I'm missing my personal belongings. I've the contents of a 1 bed flat in a 6 bed house. I've the contents of two suitcases, 1 summer, 1 winter, it's wear, wash, dry and repeat. I'm down to only 4 pairs of socks and the pant situation is dire. I don't want to buy new because a) I have more than enough stuff in Dubai and b) the virus hasn't gone away and there's no need to be wandering around the shops. Our container should've been shipped in May, Peter should've moved to an apartment also. I should be spending my time sorting through our stuff, finding it a home, making a home.

Covid-19.
I don't like lockdown being eased. Well actually, lockdown needs to be eased, people need to get back to work and the economy needs to grow. I just don't like the way a lot of people are going about it. You don't need a holiday, or to drive 50+ miles to the beach or wander round the shops for something to do.

As the restrictions on us are lifted, my anxiety is creeping back in. While we were in lockdown, I only had me to worry about, of course I was concerned about my family with work and everyone in front line and key worker jobs and I did my upmost best to protect them, but I had no external pressures on me. I have no plans to visit the beaches, drive more than an hour outside my area, I'm back to using click and collect for the food shops as there is no social distancing going on inside a lot of supermarkets. I'm not far off actually calling people out on social media for saying one thing, whilst I know they're doing another and most of all I'm sick to death of hearing 'It's for my mental health' in relation to going to bars, restaurants, having hair cuts and booking holidays' Mental Health is a serious matter and there is a huge difference between that and just being a bit down and unhappy because you can't do what you want to do and take for granted.

Post Comment Love 19th - 21st June 2020 Rejoining the new world.

Last week I moved my mum in with me.

Those of you who know me will think I'm absolutely mad and I probably am. She does read my blog so play nice people.

Anyway she lives in South Wales in a first floor flat, there is some outdoor space, but she's found every time she goes out with her chair, book and a coffee too many people come and join her and the lack of social distancing makes her uncomfortable, so she ends up going back inside or taking a short walk around the block.

Mum misses her garden, but even more so now during lockdown as she can't just wander around town or pop in to see my niece and her great grandchildren.

Lockdown restrictions may be being lifted, but it'll be a long time before we have the freedom to travel again, let alone just spend time with family. My husband and I know the reality is it will be September at the earliest before we can see each other again and with lockdown being tighter in South Wales, I've persuaded my mum to come and stay with me for the foreseeable future. If it doesn't work out, we can go back to two separate households and she will be isolating anyway if she returns too soon.

I've been doing her shopping online and sending weekly treats through the post, but if I'm honest, I'd like a bit of company also. People on their own who aren't in the vulnerable category are just judged to be lucky not to have work and kids to juggle, but we do have our own set of issues which are just as important and real to us. I'm looking forward to someone else doing the washing up and making me a cup of tea.

Although clothes shops and none essential businesses are slowly reopening, there's still social distancing to be observed which I've noticed is lacking now in a lot of places, people can just be so impatient. I live in a lovely part of the UK with the Malvern Hills on my doorstep (as in takes 45 minutes from front door to top of hills on foot). Mum can join me for dog walks, I can drive up and she can read/picnic in the car, she can walk to the local bank and corner store and eventually I can take her to the supermarkets and visit some of the family in their gardens. She's not had to experience how much the world has changed and the adaptations she'll have to make to settle back in to the new one.

After all the virus hasn't gone away.

Stephanie and I would love to hear what you've been up to this week.

You are invited to the Inlinkz link party!

Click here to enter

Want to find out more about Post Comment Love #PoCoLo? 

My Sunday Photo - Enjoying a Starbucks

Pre lock down I would go out for a Starbucks every single day of the week. I'd pick a different location each day, whether it was the Souk Madinat with views over looking the Burj Al Arab or a drive through on my way home or to a mall.

I went out everyday for a coffee for 5 years that we lived in Dubai to just get out the house, for the random chat with a stranger and to stop me going stir crazy.

We have a coffee machine like this in the UK and Dubai, but the actual drinking of the latte wasn't the experience, it was the going out. Up until now I've always drunk tea at home.

Since lock down started the day before I arrived back in the UK and I made a 4 hour journey by several trains across the country, without being able to purchase a latte as I would've normally done and without being able to visit the local Caffe Nero stores as I favour in the UK, I had to learn to make my own lattes and quickly.

Since I've managed to get a Starbucks blend from Tesco click and collect this week, I've been drinking coffee from Waitrose, their own blend. I've realised even more it's never been about the coffee, it's been about the going out.

So I've been going out for the past 10 weeks with a take away latte. I've been going out to the garden to sit and read or blog. I've been going out with my take away cup as I've walked to do my food shop or taken Bob on a walk.

During lockdown I've consumed 71 lattes. Each and every time I've made one, I've put £3 in a pot and so far I've totalled  a saving of *drum roll* £213.

I will go back one day to the coffee shops, but from now on I'll steer clear of the big chains (unless I'm travelling), but these visits from now on will be to meet with family and friends, not just to visit for something to do. I'm learning to find things to do that don't involve me spending money and just going out for the sake of it.

My Sunday Photo - DIY in lockdown

There are so many jobs that need doing to our family home after 9 years of tenants, for most of them we hired professionals to sort the major work out, however the decorating and cleaning were of a poor standard. I've spent most of lockdown rectifying this.

Cleaning up the mess left behind.

Changing the screws in the door fittings so so there are actually enough for each hinge and handle.

I was supposed to be back in Dubai this month, to organise the shipping of our furniture so I've had more than enough time to not only finish the decorating but to renovate the garden, clean the sheds and get someone in to sort out plumbing, guttering and re felting the one shed.

Much to the delight of the neighbours I've had time to learn some carpentry and fix the squeaky gate.

I've fixed a flexible curtain track for the bay window and hung curtains

I have new carpets being fitted this week (delayed from the start of April)

I've now run out of things to do around the house, other than read books, blog, general gardening and just waiting for things to (very) slowly go back to normal.

Post Comment Love - 29th-31st May

So I was due to return to the UK on Wednesday from Dubai. I'm supposed to be alternating my time between both our homes, but for now I'm in the UK with the cat and dog. I could return to Dubai as I have a residence visa and my husband can travel to the UK, we'd both have to complete 4 weeks in total in quarantine and we have no idea if we are allowed to pop in and out yet. Also I've got no one to look after the cat and dog.

So many plans for lots of people have been cancelled this year, a friends wedding has been rescheduled till next June, birthdays held in lockdown and isolation, holidays cancelled. I'm not worried about things like that, I'm just waiting until the time comes I can see my husband and visit our children, one is in Australia, so that's a long way off.

My husband was supposed to be moving into an apartment in Dubai at the Marina this month and I was having the rest of our furniture and personal belongings shipped back to the UK. He's stayed put in the villa and we got a great reduction on the rent, it all helps especially as we're now running two homes full time, thankfully no mortgage here and I have a rental income coming in from the flat, but relocation is expensive, I had to buy a new car in the UK, I have a car in Dubai just sitting on the drive.

You'd think my stress levels would have risen and my anxiety had increased, but actually on the whole I'm very relaxed and chilled out and off my medication, I do have bad days, usually when I have to go shopping, but otherwise, I'm enjoying the time on my own.

Stephanie and I would love to know what you've been up to this week.

You are invited to the Inlinkz link party!

Click here to enter

Want to find out more about #pocolo and how to feature on our blogger showcase?

Why my anxiety in lockdown is getting better.

I was diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder GAD and depression in September 2019.

The mental symptoms I have are:

• racing thoughts
• uncontrollable over thinking
• difficulties concentrating
• feelings of dread and panic
• feeling irritable
• heightened alertness
• problems with sleep

The Physical symptoms are:

• heavy and fast breathing
• dry mouth
• fast heartbeat
• extreme tiredness and lack of energy
• dizziness

I am in a state of constant worry and have the inability to relax, switch off.
I have to run every possible scenario through, out loud, to make sense of the situation.

I have to plan for all eventualities.

I can't do anything without thinking about all the possible outcomes.

I do all of this in my head, quietly and silently. If I find myself in a situation I don't like, or it's too busy or I get overwhelmed, I will just walk away and find somewhere quiet to be to get my thoughts straight in my head. I'm not always able to do that when I'm with others, I don't have the ability to explain my thoughts rationally at the time and I just come across as difficult or argumentative and even as having a strop/tantrum as I'm not getting my own way. But that's not what I'm doing, I just need a few minutes headspace, right there and then.

Despite this being a recent diagnosis, I've just assumed this is how life is, I've always been like this.

However since lockdown started my anxieties have almost gone. The only time now I get anxious and the old and familiar feelings return is when I have to go food shopping, but I think that's a very common feeling for almost everyone right now, regardless of any diagnosis or normal patterns of behaviour.

Why have my anxieties gone? Because I'm on my own and I don't have to take part in daily life. I don't have to answer a 101 questions about my plans, where I'm going, how long I'll be, what I'm doing and why.

Obviously my husband and I discuss things, such as finances and we're in the middle of doing up our old family home, we've planned a budget, decided on what I can do, what needs doing and what hubby can do and what can wait until lockdown is over.

In the last two weeks, I've bought a car, had a plumber in, arranged and chosen new carpets to be fitted next week, had the tree in the front garden cut down. Renewed the rental contract in Dubai. I've also painted the upstairs and been working in the garden. I've been stress free throughout.

Why?

I haven't had to worry about anyone else. I've done things in my own time, if I've felt stressed I've been able to change what I'm doing and done something else.  I don't have to worry about other people, other than doing my mums online food shop, I can eat what I like, when I like, sleep and bathe at times that suit me.

But this lockdown won't last forever and I'll have to rejoin the real world at some point in time. I've had a well earned break from day to day life and the dramas of others around me. I'm relaxed, I'm off my meds and I'm hopeful of a slower lifestyle, that is chilled and relaxed from now on.

Lockdown is giving me a well needed break.

I will add, I know I'm writing this from a privileged position with not having to worry about home education and finances.

What I've done in my 4 weeks of lockdown - Gardening

I'm supposed to be going back to Dubai on Monday, but flights with Emirates are cancelled indefinitely. Part of my trip home was to organise a move from the villa to an apartment and finish sorting through our belongings to see what we were shipping in May back to the UK

My aim on this trip to the UK for 4 weeks was to visit family and finish the decorating in the house and order new carpets, ready for when the furniture arrives.

Well none of that happened, including the decorating, no point rushing it now and besides the weather has been excellent so I've been spending most of my time in the garden sorting it out.

When we got our house back after 9 years of tenants the garden looked like this

We had a lot of work completed in the house prior to me returning the end of January, but the outside had been neglected other than having all the waste removed left behind by the tenants.

The garden currently looks like this

I've had the windows and conservatory cleaned and gutters emptied, new fence panels, shrubs and trees dug up and removed, borders tided, path and patio reclaimed, garden levelled and reseeded, repairs made to the sheds and cleaned, compost bin emptied and a new one started, lawn mowed (well strimmed actually as I don't have a mower) seeds planted and bedding plants ordered from a local nursery.

Compost bin emptied

New compost bin started

Garden waste bin delivered from council and sorting through contents for composting, general waste and filling the bin for collection. 

Guttering and panels repaired

Peas and tomatoes planted out

New border dug

Paving slabs from lawn removed

New grass seed 

DIY plants pots from recycled tins and bedding plants in

I was working on the garden from Day 1 of lockdown for 4 weeks. I've also done a lot of crafting, letter writing and started on redecorating the house. I'll show you all that in another post next week.

Post Comment Love 24th - 26th April 2020

I was supposed to be packing ready to return to Dubai on Monday, but that's not happening now or for the foreseeable future. Both my husband, Peter and I reached the conclusion we probably won't see one another again until September.

I had to sign a mandatory form upon leaving Dubai on March 24th to agree to a two week isolation in a medical facility upon my return, so until they allow tourists back in, I won't be returning. Although Peter could return to the UK and work from here, there are unanswered questions about his work visa, should he not be able to return within 6 months.

We're used to spending 2-3 months apart on a frequent basis, and I was due to be away for 5 weeks, however this is different as we don't have an end date to work towards. We chat several times a day on the phone.

Anyway all is good, I've been occupied with restoring the garden and redecorating the house and have been quite creative with using what I have around the house to do some fun projects also, which I'll share next week.

Hope everyone is keeping well.


Stephanie and I would love to know what you've been up to this week.

You are invited to the Inlinkz link party!

Click here to enter

Want to find out more about #pocolo and how to feature on our blogger showcase?

My Sunday Photo - Gardening during lockdown

We got our house back from tenants after 9 years back in December. There's lots of work to be done and I had most of the major work carried out in January/February.

I returned to Dubai in March then arrived back on the 24th to finish the decorating ready for our furniture to arrive May/June.

Well all those plans to finish our relocation came to a halt the day I landed and I have no idea when I'll be able to go back to Dubai to sort anything out.

Making the most of the lovely weather we've had, I decided to tackle the garden as I now had the time to focus on the outside.

This was our garden as it was returned to us

I've fixed the sheds, replaced the fence panels, reclaimed the paths and patio from the lawn, dug new borders, levelled off the lawn, dug up the paving slabs and reseeded it all. Emptied the compost bin and started another, made repairs to the sheds and mowed the lawn.

I had a delivery of bedding plants from a local nursery yesterday, which will inject some much needed colour into the garden later today.

I think you'll agree it's looking a lot better now.

One Daily Positive - Week 16 The silence is deafening

Started the week with a wobble. The silence is deafening now. My usual conversations are at the local coffee shop and don't usually contain more content than what I want to drink. I'm not sure if it's loneliness or boredom. I'm on my own for sure other than the occasional chat with a neighbour over the fence and I'm used to the lack of verbal contact with the family due to voice over internet being blocked in Dubai and I guess everyone is just getting on with their lives.

If you ask someone how they really are, you really don't want the reply to be 'lonely or sad' A virtual cuddle just doesn't cut it, does it?

I can always find plenty to do to occupy me physically, but I struggle mentally at times.

It's funny how food has become my main focus after keeping myself well. I plan the week around round times and have to decide a day in advance what I want to eat to ensure it's defrosted in time. I'm also trying to only visit the shops every 10 days or so.

103 Sunday I made some dog friendly, chocolate animals for the cat and dog. Pottered around in the garden and prepared a few things to do later in the week, finally got dressed, did a wash, read some of my book, took Bob for a walk, ate the last bit of fresh food I have in the house, sat down at 2.30pm to watch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I had chicken curry for dinner, had a bath, watched more TV and went to bed.

104 Monday Baked a chocolate cake for child 5's 21st birthday tomorrow. Obviously he can't have it, so it's Gluten Free for me to enjoy. I had intended to deliver him a shop bought cake and take him out for dinner, but that can wait. Painted some tin cans with gloss paint I found in the shed, after poking holes in the base, ready to put some flowers in and hang from various trees. Found, washed and spray painted some pebbles for another project, walked Bob, had to buy some milk and posted a small parcel to my mum and a couple of change of address letters. Had an early dinner, bath and sat down to watch TV and blog. I ordered some bedding plants online from a local nursery.

105 Tuesday Not a birthday child 5 will forget in a hurry, he's 21 today. I lit 21 candles and sang happy birthday to him over facebook messenger. I spent the morning on facebook uploading pictures of my son over the years, caught up with blog comments, sat in the sun drinking coffee. I had planned to food shop on Thursday but the thought of it was making me anxious so I just decided to go today, queues were short, I noticed pasta and toilet roll back on the shelves. I also noticed people seem to think the virus can be spread through eye contact and smiling. I'm getting fed up of walking out onto the road without any acknowledgement. Spent the evening watching TV.

106 Wednesday Out in the front garden sorting through the garden waste after the bin was emptied this morning, I soon refilled it and sorted through the rest for compost, sieved soil, washed stones and put them back in the garden and have at least one more bin to fill before this waste is gone. Strimmed the front lawn and killed some weeds. Walked Bob, spent the rest of the afternoon and evening in my craft room, blogging and watching TV.

I hatched a flamingo

107 Thursday Strimmed the back garden and tidied up and potted out some peas I've been growing, it took me much longer than I thought, took Bob for a long walk, a different route to normal, he pulled all the way. Spent some time in my craft room, clapped for the NHS, bath and bed.

The view from the railway bridge.

108 Friday Pottered around for most of the day, sorting out the craft room, moving boxes and looking through more of my dad's things. I ran the hoover round and cleaned the bathrooms, there's only me here, but we've got 4 bathrooms and I've managed to use them all. Took Bob for a walk and enjoyed a roast dinner. I have no idea what day of the week it is anytime, but it felt like a Sunday.

My dad's collection of match day programmes from his professional playing days as a goalkeeper.

109 Saturday I did sod all, all day, other than walk Bob and eat and my bedding plants were delivered. The day was long and most of it was spent on the sofa, but I'm good with that.

On the blog this week:
Confusing loneliness and boredom

You are invited to the Inlinkz link party!

Click here to enter

Life in lockdown during Covid-19. Mistaking loneliness and boredom

In January this year, my husband and I began a long distance marriage. We've been living abroad for 9 years, with only 2-3 years before Peter retires and issues with our tenants in our family home, we decided I would return to the UK with the cat and dog and prepare for our eventual full time return.

I will travel month on month off between the UK and Dubai, ensuring I met the visa requirements for Dubai, 1 visit within 6 months. For the UK, 193 nights per year.

Well life never works out as planned and I returned to the UK on the 24th March, the day before Dubai closed it's borders and the UK went into lock down.

I've written often in the past about loneliness and how isolated I feel living as an expat, especially when Peter travels as much as he does. I'm a do'er, a planner, a get stuck right in and make the most of every situation and take every opportunity that arises.

The day before I left Dubai, Emirates announced the suspension of all passenger flights and on arrival in the UK I received notification my visit back to Dubai on April 27th till May 27th was cancelled. In hindsight I've done the right thing coming back to the UK, although my family think I should've stayed in Dubai with Peter. We have no idea when we'll see each other again in person.

Peter works in hygiene in the food industry he is busier than ever. I already feel my life has been put on hold by living as an expat and juggling family life in the UK, it was impossible for me to work.

Life for me in Lockdown hasn't changed much.

I spend 10 hours a day on my own, when Peter isn't travelling. 10 hours everyday, without kids, a job and friends, it's a lot of time to fill every single day. I make sure I go out everyday for a coffee, a walk. When I'm in the UK Bob and I walk for hours, stop for coffee a bit of shopping and home. In both Dubai I can spend the whole day without a verbal conversation with anyone other than 'I'd like a latte please' and 'thank you'

I am lonely and bored in Dubai, especially when the summer comes making it almost impossible to leave the house in the heat. In the UK I spend my time with family and friends, people are more inclined to chat here, dog walkers, other coffee shop goers, random people in the supermarkets.

I have plenty to do here in the UK with our home and garden. Thankfully all the major jobs were completed in January, all the stuff I need to finish painting and for cleaning has been bought. Back in February before Peter returned to Dubai, I made the most of the car hire and did a huge food shop, dog food, cat litter, washing liquid etc. I have enough to keep me going for several months.

I've got a pile of books, DVD's (one of the things the tenants left behind) I have basic tools to carry out simple repairs and enough tools to sort the garden out.

I have boxes of my late fathers belongings still unsorted, I have crafts to do and seeds to plant, things I'd bought for family and friends for easter, that I won't be posting now, including 4 small easter eggs and a selection of jelly sweets to snack on. I can still walk the dog for the time being and food shops are every 9-10 days.

I have regular video calls with family and friends, and several times a day with Peter. I'm confusing loneliness with boredom and boredom with loneliness. I have plenty of things to do in the UK. I'm surrounded virtually with family and friends, something I don't have when I'm in Dubai due to voice over internet being blocked over there and I don't have much to do when I'm in Dubai other than walk round the malls and go out for coffee and the occasional pub quiz or dinner out.

Has much changed for you?

One Daily Positive - Week 14 Getting out in the garden

This isolation is no different from when I'm in Dubai other than the fact I can't go out for coffee whenever I want, usually once a day. With the weather hotting up in Dubai, it won't be long before it's too hot to sit out in the garden and I'd be stuck indoors all day. Peter is busy working from home and it's not slowing up as he his job is to provide chemicals to the the food and beverage industry. We both think I've made the right decision to return to the UK, despite not knowing how long it'll be before we will see one another again.

I've got plenty to do here with the house renovations and the garden as well as writing letters to various care homes for Postcards of Kindness and to family and friends.

However there are some noticeable differences, I can still walk Bob daily here in the UK, people are friendlier than ever, although I do feel like a social pariah when we leap out of each others way. My neighbours are chatting through windows, over fences, people are stopping to look at the rainbows in my windows and we're asking one another if everything is OK. The phone doesn't stop ringing, post is coming through the door and voice over internet isn't blocked here so I'm chatting more with my friends than ever before.

On Tuesday whilst out walking Bob, there was an old lady at her window, waving frantically to me, she managed to open the door, I asked if she was ok, she said she hadn't seen or spoken to anyone since her food was delivered last week and she thought I looked friendly. She lives in a retirement block, but the communal areas are out of action, they're organising food and prescriptions to be delivered but there is no one on site. I've said I'll walk past the same time every evening.

89 Sunday Day spent in pjs, watching TV, sorting some paperwork, reading and eating junk food, big mistake, felt miserable and bloated and didn't sleep well that night, won't be doing that again. Walked Bob out to post some Easter goodies to family and friends. I'd bought everything back in February and already had the stamps. I only posted what would fit in the letter box to save a none essential trip to the post office and I now have 4 easter eggs, seeds, bird feeders and bath bombs to use for myself. Did mums food order over the phone. I'd booked a slot for her over 2 weeks ago and had just added the minimum spend to secure the slot.

90 Monday Spent the morning sorting through what I actually have in the house for things for me to do over the coming weeks/months. Wrote some letters and decided to make the trip to Waitrose to purchase Gluten Free foods, fresh fruit and veg. There was a 45 min polite queue. I was surprised at how many people were just popping in to pick up food for tonights dinner. I had my 'old lady' shopping trolley and a large bag to carry home with me, some 2 miles. I was out for 4 hours in total. We celebrated Pushkins 11th birthday with cake, cards, decorations and gifts.

91 Tuesday I spent the day writing letters to family, friends and Postcards of Kindness, picking a home from the website for each letter of the alphabet and I've enclosed a Stamped addressed envelope so they can write back without the need to visit the post office. Walked Bob in the evening and had GF pizza, sweet potato fries and beans for dinner and a glass of wine, finishing the bottle I started last week. Mum called in the morning and a friend in the afternoon and I spoke to MIL and child 5, both doing well.

92 Wednesday Started the day hoovering and did the ironing. I'd been saving it for best.  Then I went out into the shed to pot up some seeds, using the one bag of compost I'd bought in February and repurposing the recycling as seeds trays. I then spent the afternoon/evening in the dining room or cat cafe as it's been renamed and caught up with blog comments and scheduled some posts.

93 Thursday Had breakfast and then spent the morning blogging, commenting and sorting through photos on the laptop. Took Bob out for a walk before lunch time and found somewhere I could let him off the lead. More time in the garden, edging the borders with house bricks I collected from around the house. Joined in with the clapping and felt emotional again.

94 Friday Planned my meals for the day based on use by dates, did some blogging, opened and ate half an easter egg. Took Bob back to the field with his ball, he found some fox shit to roll in and eat and wouldn't come out of a stream he found also. I placed some teddy bears in the windows and finished off a pair of giraffes I made with RedTedArt that have also gone in the window.

This used to be a border, I removed all the shrubs back in February and have levelled it our ready to seed.

95 Saturday Finally enough clothes to put a wash on, also washed the towels, highlight of my week so far. Wrote thank you notes for the postman and rubbish collectors and did some blogging/commenting. Phone and skype calls planned this evening. The rest of the day involves a dog walk and hopefully it'll warm up enough to finish the last bits in the garden.

I'm shattered but pleased with the work in the garden so far.

On the blog this week:

Why I don't like hearing news on Social Media

You are invited to the Inlinkz link party!

Click here to enter