Well that's the end of 2025. I'm glad to see the back of it and sad to see it go in equal measures.
Glad because it marks the end of the firsts. Glad because it marks the end of the coping mechanisms we learnt to put in place. Glad because it puts the deep raw pain of grief firmly where it belongs.
But sad because it is no longer 'last year' that Stephanie died. Her death already a distant memory for so many, will soon become a distant memory for us to.
A fellow blogger commented recently how she is sick and tired of navigating other peoples awarkedness when she mentions the death of her child and with nothing new to talk about, she finds herself mentioning her child less and less. I found that so incredibly painful to hear.
But I heard her, loud and clear, as I've heard other friends and bloggers as I've searched for and found support from people I've only ever met online or only met because we share the loss of a child and people I've reconnected with after the loss of an adult child, in one case only 2 months apart. And I found myself realising it was because in my daily world there was nothing we shared in common, people couldn't relate, didn't want to relate, had no empathy. Some have sympathy, many have completely ignored the fact Stephanie has died apart from sending a card, some didn't even bother doing that, let alone a phone call or heaven forbid a visit.
I've said these things face to face, but the response I've had is 'but you don't mean me?' and I've backed down, but attack is the best form of defence and I'm too vulnerable. So I continue to write on the off chance it gets read (it has in the past and boy have I been attacked for writing about how others have hurt me even when I haven't mentioned their names, because they bloody well know who they are)
Some think they're being empathetic, but they're not. Empathy is hard work, it is draining, but empathy from family and friends is one of the greatest parts of supporting the grieving process and it's so often the reason why the grieving person is 'still going on and on about the death of their child' they haven't had received the empathy they needed in those first few days and weeks.
They then go on about the child that died, because it was their child, their child who just stopped being, Their child who didn't continue reaching their milestones, whose birthdays stopped, whose place at the table lay empty, whose name didn't appear on Christmas cards sent and received. I don't need to go on, just stop and think about it for a while, or scroll pass.
Stephanie's life has given us so much, taught us patience, kindness, resilience and unconditional love. She brought our family together and without her we never would have had the opportunities individually to have experienced living in South Africa or Dubai and all the travel we have had.
2026 will continue to be about us as a family of 7 which over the past few years has doubled to become a family of 14 including wives/partners and 4 grandchildren and who knows if we'll add anymore to our numbers in 2026 and beyond. 2 we have no contact with other than one sided text messages from me and 2 live in Australia we only see once every 2 years. 4 are in Northern Ireland and we try to see them as often as we can, around 4 times minimum a year and the last 4 are just over an hours drive away.
Sunday
Day 362 A bit of a lie in till 8.30am then off to Keynsham to collect MIL. I sat in the back of the car and sorted my new diary for the year, then read my book on the way to Street where we spent the day shopping for new boots for Peter and a chunky cardigan for me. Dropped MIL home. I read till it got too dark and we got back at 7pm. Had dinner watched TV and I was in bed by 9pm. I don’t think I’ve taken my dry robe off for the past 3 days. Peter calls it a tent. It’s so toasty.
Monday
Day 363 Stopped in bed drinking tea and watching TV till 9am then we went into town to renew library books, post stuff to Norrhern Ireland grandson left behind plus a new outfit for youngest after I got sizes wrong with a gift. Had a coffee, a bit of shopping and home for a quick tidy before friends arrived. Peter cleaned the car. Lunch cooked for all. A lovely day with friends. Their first visit here since we moved in 2002. We’ve always visited them due to friend not driving, now her daughter drives but we’d moved abroad and as our grandchildren live near them we’ve always gone down there. Out in the evening to Birmingham to the football and video called another friend who was watching the match with her husband and 2 children and they spotted me on the tv so the kids could celebrate the goal in the stadium in real time, home at midnight and straight to bed.
Tuesday
Day 364 Up packed and off to Portsmouth for the New Year. We drove via Waterlooville to met up with a couple we met back in 2024 after the wife had a fall in Winchester and after cancelling the ambulance, some first aid, after calling her GP, assessing her ability to stand and walk, escorting her back to her car, and ensuring her husband wasn’t in shock either and was capable of driving her to the local A&E, we’ve kept in touch via letter. They don’t have any children and keep inviting us for coffee and cake as they want to say thank you. I joke they’re grooming us and we meet at their local M&S for a couple of hours. But they insisted we came to their home. Hotel is lovely with a pool and a gym and views of the sea. We had dinner in the hotel, I used the pool, showered, watched TV and bed. First room we were given. We were soon moved to a room with a view.
Wednesday
Day 365 Out for an early morning, very cold and misty. Back in time for breakfast, then out for a walk to the arcades and onto the Quays for coffee where we sat and watched the New Year in, in Sydney and wished our son and his girlfriend a Happy New Year. We had a walk round the shops, but nothing bought, had lunch and met a lovely family to chat with and a nice walk back. We watched the New Year in Dubai, where we've watched the fireworks many times and had a drink in the bar. Strange to think this time last year we celebrated the New Year on a plane over New York on our way back from Las Vegas. it feels so much longer than a year ago.
Things to make you smile:
My friend and her family were looking out for me on the telly on Monday night, honestly they could have screen shot a better picture. I videoed called from the ground when we did score as there is a minute delay so her kids could here the noise in the stadium, they were super excited to have seen me on the telly and in the ground.
Things that made me happy:
A few days away in Portsmouth, watching New Year come in around the world, video calls with the grandchildren, meals out, time with friends, penny arcades.
On the blog this week:
