Word of the Week - Bowels

Yes, BOWELS. You read that right the first time.

I'm fundraising for Bowel Research in memory of our daughter Stephanie who died on October 7th 2025.

We requested no flowers at her funeral and didn't have a charity in mind at the time.

She was taken ill in the morning. Died in the evening and her funeral was held 8 days later. There was too much to do with arranging for children to fly in from Africa and Australia and just the sheer shock of her death.

I want to mark the first anniversary of her death and I've found an organised walk I can join in with on September 27th.

So why Bowels? 

Stephanie died from an Ischemic Bowel. She wasn't able to communicate, she couldn't tell anyone she was in discomfort, in pain. She didn't reflect pain in her emotions. Often she would laugh even when injured, she might just cry for no reason at all. So by the time Stephanie reached the hospital for help, it was too late. A stoma was not an option, it was too advanced and she died on the operating table.

Our grandson, now 3 was born with Hirchsprung disease and spent several months in his first year with a stoma bag and had numerous operations. 

I've was diagnosed with diverticulitis after a colonoscopy and biopsy. I don't have any pain or even any symptoms other than chronic constipation caused by my new migraine medication.

I'd really appreciate it if you could share my Just Giving Site on your social media sites. I'm aiming for £1000 and already a third of the way there.

In Memory of Stephanie

Why a walk?

The one thing that Stephanie could do independently was to walk, we used to call her Forrest Gump when she was younger. She'd just head off in any direction she fancied. We had to guide her and she had no spacial or risk awareness and you couldn't take your eyes off her. She would grab onto a pram in the street or a trolley in the supermarket to steady herself if she had to stand still and would go off in a total different direction with us playing catch up.

As she got older, she walked less, swam less, rode a horse less, bounced on the trampoline less, moved around less.

Stephanie was 36 years old when she died.

Post Comment Love. 8th-10th August 2025

Welcome back to #PoCoLo with Stephanie from Bosworth.Life and I.

Post Comment Love #PoCoLo is a friendly weekly linky where you can link up any blog post you've written this week. If you're new or a regular visitor we're sure you'll find something of interest.

We'd also appreciate your help spreading the #PoCoLo word on Twitter, tag us and we'll RT. You can find us on twitter here: Stephanie - @BosworthLife and Suzanne - @ChickenRuby 

I'll be catching up with reading your posts, sharing and commenting over the next few days. 

We've had a good week getting lots done in the garden and making the most of the weather.

I've had my nails done, had coffee with an ex student and her mother and bumped into lots of friends for random chats.

Levelling off the front lawn.

Border built and stones laid.

We kept the soil from the building work 2 years ago for this job and had to sift it and move it front the back garden. 8 wheelbarrow loads so far.

The tree stump finally rotted enough for us to remove it. The tree was cut down 5 years ago.

I've signed up to do a walk to raise funds for Bowel Research UK in memory of Stephanie our daughter.

Stephanie died on the evening of October 7th 2024. She was taken ill during the day. She had intestinal ischemia and did not survive the surgery.

One of the few things Stephanie did well was to walk, although she didn't do that until she was 8 years old. Walking was the only independence Stephanie had. 

We also have a grandson now 3 who was born with Hirschsprung Disease and I've recently been diagnosed with diverticulitis.

I'd really appreciate it if you could share the link on your social media sites. 

Want to find out more about Post Comment Love #PoCoLo? 

You are invited to the Inlinkz link party!

Click here to enter

Life goes on - without Stephanie

'Give it a year and a day'

'It'll be easier once you've got through all those firsts'

'Life goes on'

Our last visit with Stephanie. We had no idea.

Yes it is getting easier going through all those firsts.

But not because it gets easier, but because all those firsts hit you like a ton of bricks and the rawness of her death hits so bloody hard. But as the next first approaches, you start to prepare. Book the day off work, book something nice to do on the day.

Christmas - not being able to buy presents and write her card, get gifts for the staff, visit her, take her out. I did a non Christmas shopping trip for Stephanie to get things out my system. I already had a bit of a list going before she died in October. I picked things up, I checked the size, the ingredients on treats and toiletries, then I put it back down on the shelf. We bought gifts and a card for the staff and dropped it round as we always did, just this time Stephanie wasn't there. 

I miss wiping her spit of my hands and arms and coat, miss my hair being pulled and I wear it down now more often, I struggled to find a disabled toilet that is clean enough to use.

9 months on when I use a public toilet I still check to see if the disabled one is clean. I can't help it. I did it all the time when I was out, so I knew where I could take her next time on a day out. The trend was if it was clean once, it'll be clean 90% of the time and staff would be receptive to freshening it up if I asked.

For Halloween, Valentines and Easter I'd put together a little parcel of gifts. Things to decorate her room and something to eat and wear.

I send these boxes to the grandchildren as well. Now I pop in a little treat for me and I send the decorations to my son and his girlfriend in Australia, instead.  I still get to buy all the things, I still get to send them.

Stephanie's birthday - I couldn't face work and called in sick. We went to Clifton in Bristol. Her boarding school where she lived from the age of 12-18. We had her home almost every weekend, driving down after work on a Friday with her 4 brothers in tow and back up the motorway home. A 3 hour trip. Drop offs on the Sunday would usually be just the one of us. Or we'd go down as a family on a Saturday and visit her grandmother and cousins.

Mother's Day and Father's Day - These were hard. We still have mother's to buy for, we still have children who will send cards and buy for us. Mother's Day snook up on me because of this. Remembering you're still a mum, but there is one child missing.

On Father's Day we went to Gloucester, for a coffee and some shopping where we used to take her. It doesn't make us feel closer to her, it's just part of our routine that stopped when she died.

My birthday last month, in June. I had some gorgeous flowers from family and friends. The last time we had this many flowers was when Stephanie died. It was nice to have bright, colourful flowers to change the image in my head from before.

Holidays are still a struggle. We would send a card and buy her a gift. We went to Las Vegas over Christmas just to be a million miles away. I sent a postcard to the staff and bought them a t towel for the kitchen. It gave us an excuse to pop back in.

We won't be popping back in again though. There's a new person in her room, some of the staff have changed. But we've decided we'll send our last holiday post card from Australia next month.

That just leaves the last day memory that we saw her and Peter's birthday. The day before she died.

We deliberated going to visit her for the day, but as we were going the following weekend, we decided to go for a coffee into Worcester instead. I don't know what happened to her card and gift from her for her dad. I guess they were going to give it to him the following weekend, then decided not to. Maybe they were taking her out in the week to shop.

The bin lorry ritual. Every Monday morning I'd take a photo of the bin lorry and send it so our grandson (he loves bin lorries) then I'd make my coffee and go to work.

Every Monday morning after that I'd watch the bin lorry as I made my coffee and relive every minute of that day. I'd struggle to get out the house. I was off work for 7 weeks and on my return I'd have to break my journey and sit in the park to have my coffee, find somewhere else to park as I was on half days for 3 months and my leaving time was the same time I left work to drive to the hospital on the day she died.

Life does indeed go on, we're joining in with it more, dwelling less on all the sadness although the sadness is still very much there. Every day Stephanie is in our thoughts and in our conversation.

We have planted a Jasmine called Stephanese outside the front door and have a pot of Angel Wing bulbs that flowered for Mothers Day that were planted with our granddaughter after the funeral.

There's a In Memory Rose that my mum gave us to mark the 6 month anniversary of her death, that was planted with our grandson, it flowered for Father's Day and there was a new bloom for my birthday.

There's always been photos of Stephanie around our home. Now there is an additional frame of her with all her siblings in the hallway, our family. There are 3 more grandchildren to add to the frame as sadly they never got to meet her their Aunty Stephanie before she died.

I'll be booking the day of her death, one year on, off work. We've no idea what we'll be doing yet. Maybe go for a walk in the Forest of Dean where we used to live and wander around the Arboretum, her favourite spot, where she was happy, sitting amongst the leaves.

I'm writing this blog post because we were going out in the evening and we'd be home late so must remember to put the bins out for the morning and I realised that while I'm still aware of the bin lorry and my coffee routine before work, it no longer triggers me. I no longer relive the Monday morning over and over.

But as life goes on around us and our family grows, we live life very differently. Stephanies life serves to remind us of the compassionate people we have in our lives, we're no longer mourning those who have left us, whether they died of their friendship just dropped away.

We're grateful for every minute of every day and make the most of everything we have. 

Life is fragile, it can go in an instance.

Stephanie's Rose

My mum bought us a 'in loving memory rose bush' on the 6th month anniversary of Stephanie's death. 

I always think 'anniversary' sounds like something to be celebrated. It's been 8 months since Stephanie died. I was counting in weeks and soon it'll be years before we know it. 

Stephanie will NEVER be forgotten, she is in my mind every day. There are photos and items of hers dotted around the house, that have always been with us, but her physical presence is missed and the ache in our hearts doesn't heal, nor does it get better with time, we're just learning to live with the hole she has left in our lives.

I planted the Rose with my grandson on the anniversary.

It flowered for Father's Day which made me really happy and hopefully it will flower the same time every year. 

Word of the Week - Stopped

Time just stopped when Stephanie died on the 7th October 2024. Life goes on and since then we've had 2 new grandsons join our family. One in February 6 days after Stephanie's birthday and one born yesterday that we've yet to meet.

We have 4 grandchildren now and they are our world. When the 5 children were small they were hard work, managing their different needs and activities but Stephanie our eldest was always there and part of it, she was the one who bought our family together. The boys just saw her as their sister and didn't question what she could and couldn't do, just accepted her for who she was, but they all grew up, something that she never got to do.

France 2002

Another holiday time and time not spent with Stephanie. I'm not getting caught out by events anymore, but it doesn't mean I'm finding events without Stephanie easier. Occupying my time and brain doesn't fill the space, it just highlights how much space I have for her.

We've had a fun filled few weeks with our adult children and grandchildren with lots of Easter activities, camping, days out and time with friends, but there has been no visit with Stephanie, no Easter eggs bought and delivered, no coffees out with her on our way back and forth, calling in to see her on our travels, no taking her out with me while I've done my shopping for everyone else. Different routes driven as there is no need to go via Gloucester anymore. 

It's not just Stephanie that died, it's part of our lives that have stopped existing. Being the parent of a disabled adult child, is so very different than being a parent to our other adult children. 

All our children left home and live independent lives, including Stephanie. But they have jobs, financial independence, their own homes, partners, children. can make their own decisions, can ask us for advice, talk to their mates, make their own decisions, make their own mistakes, ask for help, ignore us.

They can do anything they want, they can even take themselves to the toilet.

Stephanie left home and moved into supported living, but Stephanie couldn't do any of that. Nothing. Stephanie couldn't speak, feed herself, communicate. Everything Stephanie needed to do, was done for her, other people decided what was in her best interest and every year there were meetings to decide what was in her best interest, she never attended the meetings, it was too disruptive for her, for the meeting.

Her budget, how much, how it was spent, her personal allowance, financial advocate, her staffing levels, her health, her home, her activities, her transport needs, dietary requirements, dentists, meetings for blood tests. Every single thing you do for yourself, every single thing you do for a child, if you can imagine it, it was done for her and every single thing had to be agreed. Not task by task, but yearly, financially and by whom. By us as parents, her carers, social services, health and everyone else who had a financial interest.

It took a lot of our time, not a minute of it was resented, we were grateful of every single bit of support and help we received, but it was time consuming. Phone calls, meetings, emails, forms, assessments, budget cuts, reviews, worry. In between there were problems that needed sorting, staffing issues, safeguarding concerns. 2 years of covid, constant changes of staff, management, ownership of her home, changes of service users, issues with other parents to contend with.

After Stephanie died there was a flurry of activity sorting out her finances, exchanging emails sorting out a few bills, collecting items from her home, a few visits and calls and then nothing. 

It all stopped. Everything has just stopped.

6 months without Stephanie - Losing a child.

Two weeks ago I spent Sunday in same day Emergency Care at Worcester Royal hospital with a migraine and not getting home till 1am on Monday morning, I was exhausted. I went to see the GP first thing and made a plan to withdraw from the anti depressants which side effects have been headaches and haven't been helping. I'm at the stage now where if I choose to talk about Stephanie, I'm ok and no longer feel that counselling will benefit me as the process is causing me a lot of stress by taking me back to places that is causing me a lot of upset that I have made peace with, accepted and have been able to move on from. It is triggering and I can't deal with it. What does cause me the greatest trauma is Monday mornings, the bin lorry, the tulips by the front door yet to flower (planted after her funeral) medical appointments, ambulances with sirens and hospitals. 

I am however dealing with all of this. I'm very calm. I cope better on my own. I'm quiet. I'm switched off. I do my own thing. I don't feel the need to explain why I've switched off, retreated into my own protective bubble of peace. I look at photos' I twiddle the ring I had made with Stephanie's name. I watch a video I have of her, listening to her giggle. I smile, I remember the happy times and in my head I go back to all the places that were just mine and hers. I cry. I accept that apart from Peter there is no one else to share our grief with. We don't grieve at the same time, we don't grieve over the same things.

There is no one else for us to share the memories with, there is no one to else who misses her, there is no one else who is impacted by her loss like we are. 

I'm jealous of others who have lost a child who share their grief with their families, grandparents, siblings, in laws, their Childs friends, schools, the wider community. 

Stephanie was 36. She had no friends, no job, no partner, no social groups, no community she belonged to. She lived in supported living. She was cared for 24/7. She went horse riding. She did not communicate. She relied on others 24/7. Yes, people knew who she was, her neighbours, who complained about the high foot traffic and taxis and parents visiting and the noise spoiling their neighbourhood. We were screamed at once by a neighbour who said we had no idea what it was like having all these people in and out the cul de sac 24/7 disrupting the peace and spoiling their enjoyment of the garden in the summer with the noise coming from the bungalow. Yep, for real. I just screamed back in her face to 'eff off' One of my finest moments.

The staff turn over was high, the were some regulars who truly cared for Stephanie and had been there many years and were devastated by her death, but they weren't their for us, they were traumatised by their own grief and the only time we could see them is whilst they are on a paid shift looking after the other residents.

Three of them were there with us the night Stephanie died, it was a traumatic and sudden death. As a member of staff they had to return to the house, return to work, They had their own trauma to process. As parents we had a different trauma to deal with. We're moving in different paths.

There's no one sharing stories, photo's, memories on facebooks. No one coming up to us and sharing stories of Stephanies life. We knew it all, we fought every battle, every penny that was spent, we knew about, every medical appointment, every item of clothing that was bought for her, every place she ever went we knew about. There were no surprises to find out about after she died, no new things to learn about her.

Everyone else's experience with Stephanie was with us, me and Peter. The kids memories of Stephanie are as children. Whilst Stephanie remained a child both physically and mentally, they grew into adulthood and moved away. Their visits home and with Stephanie were with us. Their time limited. Stephanie loved the boys when they rolled and jumped and played with her. We just all grew up around her, whilst she stayed the same. She knew who we all were, but not who we were, if that makes sense.

Everything to know about Stephanie was already known, there was nothing left for her to have done. She'd achieved everything she was capable of achieving and that was by the time she was 8, the time I first met her, the time she started to walk, her greatest achievement.

It was 26 weeks ago today to the hour (when this post was scheduled) that Stephanie died. 6 months. Half a year. I wrote this 2 weeks ago, it was the first day, that I was able to write this, read it back and not feel pain. I cried a flood of tears, it took me all day to write it. I managed to read it back in one go and make edits as I went, but the raw pain was no longer there and that in itself made me feel sad.

I don't want to hang onto that feeling, it physically hurt and I'm sure it will hurt again, but for the first time, I was able to breath, without gasping for air, without breaking down, without reliving that night.

It's been a long and painful road. I've lost friends along the way. I've struggled with work. I've become withdrawn from certain things and certain people. There are a lot of things I no longer have time or the patience for. There are lots of things that no longer matter. 

I'm not strong, I never have been, my exterior walls have built up over the years for a reason, to protect myself from hurt and pain, but Stephanie's death, nearly destroyed me. I can't rebuild those walls, there is no need to, nothing else could ever hurt me that much ever again.

Stephanie's Birthdays

Today would've been Stephanie's 37th Birthday.

As a blended family we've had 25 wonderful years with Stephanie.

We weren't always around to spend every birthday with her on the actual day, but we always made sure there were cards, gifts and a cake and a visit as close to the date as possible. 

Stephanie didn't grow up, the family just grew older around her.

2000 aged 12 at Poolway Rise

2001 aged 13 at Gran's house in Saltford, when Stephanie went to St Christophers School in Bristol

2002 aged 14 at Gran's Honestly these photos are 2 years apart, I've doubled checked the printing dates on the back (Truprint and Kodak) She didn't grow out of clothes or shoes, just wore them out eventually.

2003 aged 15 fun in Bristol

2004 aged 16 at Grans 

2005 aged 17 at Grans 

2006 aged 18 at home in Malvern. Sharing a cake with her brother 

2007 aged 19 at Gran's

2008 aged 20 in Tewkesbury when Stephanie went to live in Aspirations

2009 aged 21 when Stephanie moved to Appleton Way in Gloucester.

2010 aged 22 Back at Gran's for a birthday visit

2011 aged 23 We were now living in South Africa. A photo sent to us from her home in Gloucester

2012 aged 24 A visit to the UK with 2 of her brothers joining us for the day

2013 aged 25 A day out in Gloucester

2014 aged 26 Photo sent to us from her home in Gloucester

2015 aged 27 A visit to her home and a bounce on the trampoline

2016 aged 28 A visit with one of her brothers

2017 aged 29 A trip out for coffee, fruit shoot and cake

2018 aged 30 a photo sent to us from her home

2019 aged 31 A visit to her home

2020 aged 32 A visit with one of her brothers and her sister in law

2021 aged 33 A distanced covid visit

2022 aged 34 Photos sent from her home

2023 aged 35 Photos sent from her home

2024 aged 36 A birthday lunch out at Gloucester Docks

31st January - 2nd February 2025 Post Comment Love

Welcome back to #PoCoLo with Stephanie from Bosworth.Life and I.

Post Comment Love #PoCoLo is a friendly weekly linky where you can link up any blog post you've written this week. If you're new or a regular visitor we're sure you'll find something of interest.

Finally January has come to an end, it feels like it's lasted forever, why/how does that happen every year?

I really need to think about getting out in the garden soon, but it's just too cold and wet for that. I'm enjoying getting out and about on the weekends. 

Saturday I'm going out for brunch with a friend from work and on Sunday I'm out with my oldest Twitter/X friend for our postponed (due to unexpected snow) annual Christmas walk and lunch. We're meeting this year up near Kenilworth Castle. Wellies and waterproofs will be required.

February is going to be an emotional month for us. We have the arrival child 2 and his wife 2nd child, a new grandchild, due any day now and we're off to Northern Ireland to visit child 4, his wife and our 3 year old grandson.

It would have been Stephanie's 37th Birthday this coming Tuesday. It's a difficult time for us as you can imagine, we're still unsure whether we should celebrate it and if so, how? We will acknowledge the day of course, but Stephanie was never aware of her birthday, what an actual birthday was. It was just another visit from us, with a fruit shoot and something to eat, somewhere other than her home with people she trusted to be out with, but no concept of us as mum and dad or even what a mum and dad were. 

This was her 36th Birthday last year out for a meal in Gloucester.

Presents were hard as if she couldn't eat it, once it had been up to her mouth, she would just drop it on the floor or lob it, so it was clothing or toiletries. The number of times we'd all get hit with musical toys, or she'd injure herself with an ornament we'd tried buying her to make the room look nice. Her needs were very basic, but she was happy and if she was happy, then so were we.

She just liked being out, in the supermarket, with people, with music, noises, any noises, pushing a trolley, walking around and eating cake.

So that's what we'll do on Tuesday, we'll go to Caffè Nero, we'll have coffee, we'll have a slice of cake, we'll raise a fruit shoot in a toast to Stephanie, then we'll lob the fruit shoot in the air and wish her a happy birthday.

I really appreciate all the photos we have of Stephanie, I wish I had more videos. I need to plough through all the old holiday VHS soon.

We'd also appreciate your help spreading the #PoCoLo word on Twitter, tag us and we'll RT. You can find us on twitter here: Stephanie - @BosworthLife and Suzanne - @ChickenRuby 

I'll be catching up with reading your posts, sharing and commenting over the next few days. 

Want to find out more about Post Comment Love #PoCoLo? 

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2025 Week 3 - One Daily Positive and Project 365

I'm not impressed with the NHS Talking Therapies support. I made a self referral, I waited 8 weeks for a phone consultation. It was 50 minutes. I was asked really deep questions about Stephanie's death, self harm, then informed because I am able to care for myself and go to work I'm not in need of help and support, but if I find I do need help I can self refer again. 8 weeks ago I made the self referral for a reason. I can't afford to wait another 8 weeks for help again. I've been sent an email list of places I can contact, all online groups, no 1:1 face to face support unless I continue to pay private, which I can do, but it's not local, it doesn't fit in with my job and basically when you're paying someone these days, they tell you what you a) want to hear or b) tell you what they need you to hear to keep you coming back. I don't know how these sessions are supposed to run, what format CBT takes, I just wanted some guidance, support, signposting, which is what I thought the NHS service I'd signed up for was to help me with. Nope, I'm on my own again, back to square one.

Then on Tuesday, I had a new student, no warning, other than an email 20 mins before they arrived. A student whose Father died mid December, same age as Stephanie, a vulnerable, grieving student who was struggling to return to school and someone thought (or didn't think) I know we'll take them up to Suzanne, she's good with students like this, normally I'd agree, but it really caught me on the back foot, I didn't have time to think, process, prepare. I could hardly turn the student away. I just said I was sorry to hear his dad had died and that my daughter had died too, that was no set way to behave, act, respond, no question was too daft and sometimes there might not be an answer. Sometimes we might laugh and other times we might cry. He said he had a good day and could he come back to see me tomorrow.

Day 13

Sunrise looked so pretty on the way to work, I stopped to take a photo. Only 1 student in today and they were late which was good for me as I had a bad morning. Left work early for a call with NHS counselling service as I’m a) not at risk of harming myself and b) able to go to work and care for myself I’m not in need of help and support. Coffee with a friend, a good cry and home to cook dinner, watch tv, bath and off to bed early.

Day 14

Van sent to garage for repairs to trailer that we don't have. The morning session was difficult. First Maths tutoring since September, it went really well, 2 students, after school meeting mix up so home early, dinner, grandson read me a story, tv, bath and an evening blogging and watching TV, stayed up till 10.30pm. Ferry booked for half term to Northern Ireland.

Day 15  

Work was manic today and I abandoned a lesson and got out the UNO while I regrouped and replanned. Feedback at the end of the day was positive. I had 8 students in years 7-11, all engaged which was the main objective for Alternative Provision, normal lessons resumed 30 mins later with new English lesson. Coffee after work with friends and home. Was exhausted. 3rd cup of tea finally drunk (first 2 forgotten and went cold) in bed watching tv after a bath.

Day 16

Work was a lot calmer today. Peter walked down to the retail park to meet me for coffee. Struggling to process Stephanie’s absence for so many reasons, her upcoming birthday, new grandchild due soon and missed opportunities. I’m feeling a bit like these flowers today, wonky.

Day 17

Nothing symbolic about this photo just the only one I took today to show my friend who bought it that I was actually using it. Busy day in work swopping classrooms between lessons and juggling year 7 The Tempest and Year 11 Macbeth. It keeps me on my toes and I enjoy the challenges working in Alternative Provision throws at me. Home to an oven dinner in front of the telly. A new series and a chilled evening.

Day 18

Lie in, breakfast and a movie in bed. We’ve both been going into Gloucester for over 40 years (the last 25 years together) as our local city. For the cinema, night clubs and shopping. The last 16 years as it’s been Stephanie’s home. It was strange to go there today for no particular reason other than just because it’s what we’re used to doing. Home mid afternoon. I went out for a walk and a hot chocolate with a friend to blow away some cobwebs and came home to a roast dinner. Evening in front on the TV and an early night.

Day 19

Day spent at Croome with blogger friend Mary and family, this was the only photo I took. Evening spent messaging and on video calls with some of my other favourite people.

On the blog this week: Christmas in Las Vegas

Something to make you smile:

Van warning light of faulty trailer attachment, breaks and lights. I DO NOT HAVE A TRAILER OR A TOW BAR. It toggles non stop emitting a warning noise. I cannot read anything else on the dash board. Constant collision alert if a vehicle is behind my imaginary trailer. Can't reverse into a parking space as my imaginary trailer is shown in my reversing camera smashing into a brick wall.

What's made me happy this week?

Friends who understand. Online friends, real life friends, friends who like us have sadly lost children of different ages, young and old. Tucking into Christmas Chocolates, walks with friends. Starting a baby bundle pack for new grandchild and mum to be.

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