A year ago I stumbled across @kateonthinice (previously known as @netcurtains) groovy mum blog with challenges and a linky. I felt I had lost my way, my groove and although I though the title Grooving mums was a little bit kitch, I thought 'why not?' I had nothing to lose and surely I could only gain friends. i knew I wasn't likely to meet anyone else in a similar situation, but I knew I'd meet others with varying sets of problems and I would be able to reach out to people for mutual support.
Well a year on, nothing has changed. Yep i'm serious, I still cook, bake, garden and I now even own a slow cooker. I've made some friends, I volunteer and I explore further a field, but I'm still lonely, I still haven't adjusted or even accepted that my life as I knew it, stopped over night.
I don't know how to reinvent myself, when all I know is lots of kids, activities, work, study and a great social life is what made me, me. That all took 39 years to reach that stage and I've finally reached the stage where I have acknowledged that my life can't be like that over night and I have to accept that this is how life is now for me.
It all got a bit too much, not just the life changes, but dealing with illness in the family, house move, renewing visas, letting go of the past in regards to hubbies company and lack of promised support. I'm struggling to let go, move on and start living a new life when I'm still pinning for the old one.
So last week, despite my reservations, when the migraine from the stress was so bad that I ended up on a drip, I finally spilled everything in one go to the Doctor, who said it was obvious I was depressed and prescribed me medication and a referral to see a clinical psychologist.
I don't know if the medication and therapy will work, but I'm going in open minded. I've been calmer in the last week, despite also giving up smoking, I've exercised more and been eating more fruit. Maybe it's just a lifestyle change I need to make in regards to diet and exercise to fit in with my far from active life style I now lead when sometimes I feel I'm going to die of boredom, that is unless the lonliness doens't get to me first.
I am hoping this period will pass for you and soon.ReplyDelete
I don't know what is viable for you in terms of perhaps reconsidering the decision to emigrate altogether.
So I have no clever answers but having got to know you a little better over the last year, I do wish you very well indeed
This is a one way trip for us, although we still own a house in the UK we really want to make this move work. If I thought for one moment this was a temp trip I'd have packed it in ages ago
It is difficult being a trailing wife, your whole life changes and suddenly you're not in charge of your own destiny.ReplyDelete
Hope the meds works out for you and you can start to enjoy your new life a little bit more.
On the whole I do enjoy life here, I'm just so frustrated with the lies and lack of support in getting us here to this stageDelete
As VB in Catalunya says, it's the not having any control over your life that seems the worst. I had a busy and active life in London, then I came to live here in this tiny village (on what was supposed to be a temporary basis) and seven years on it's still hard to adjust. So glad you are starting to get the help you clearly need and want. I hope the fog clears for you soon. Sorry to be so latein responding, but we've been away for a while and our roaming internet connection wasn't that great!ReplyDelete
thanks for your comment. We came here knowing it was a permenant move, its just the promised lack of support and the lies told that have caused the difficultiesDelete