I want to stop smoking, I've tried and by day 5 I was biting the heads off small children.
I'm not a social smoker, or one that needs to relax with a cigareete after a meal/work etc. I'm just a nicotine addict of 20 a day for 24 years.
I stopped smoking with the help of Champix in September. After 3 months of taking the pills and not smoking I restarted. Don't know if it was the company of other smokers, the nicotine or a combination of both, so last month I decided to have another go.
Day 22 and on the whole I'm not smoking as much, as in 1 cigarette every few days, but I'll tell you want I am doing......
I'm eating like a horse (TESCO pun in there of your choosing) have put on 9 kilos
I am constipated
I am NOT sleeping
I am crying
I am blaming everyone for everything
I am being negative
I am screaming and shouting at loved ones
I am trying to resolve every issue I've ever faced
I am blaming hubby for feeling like this
Today after a particular tearful phone call and a threat to end everything, interupting hubby from yet another meeting, making him travel 100's miles home. He called me back and said 'STOP THE CHAMPIX you did this last year when you were on them.'
I have a smile on my face, I got up out of bed with ease (it also helped that it was raining and the oppresive weather had cooled.)
I'm sitting here now, drinking tea, blogging, sorting out emails, waiting for hubby to come home. He said that tonight we start talking and we don't stop till all the issues are either resolved, or he accepts that there are some things that forever I will hold against him (doesn't sound much like a good relationship, but we've been through some very hard times), accepts that telling me to move on is impossible as I've never had the opportunity to explore some of these issues with him (hubby is a believer of putting stuff in a box and moving on, I can't till I've dealt with it)
So tonight, quietly and calmly and with the help of CHAMPIX, hubby has finally realised that I can't move on without the opportunity to discuss some key pivitol points in our relationship.
Blogging helps and hubby is fully supportive but for legal and family reason there are just some things I can't or I'm unable to blog about online, for fear of reprecussions, or causing myself further damage.
The first avenue to explore is the 'moving on bit' I have no where to move onto and I need a lot more help with that than I realised.