I coped really well with a medical emergency in work on Monday but fell apart after it was over. In the evening I followed my mental health crisis plan and called the samaritans. The conclusion was that there can be a positive outcome and not all medical emergencies end badly.
The week ended with me being told it is unlikely my contract will be renewed in September, there just isn't the budget. The school has been my one constant since we moved back to the UK. I've been there 3 years now, maybe it is time for a change. I think I went back to work too early after Stephanie died. Most days I struggle with being there, because work was the last place I was when life was normal.
Child 4 called int he week to say they'd be sorting through baby clothes and had found an outfit Stephanie's carers had sent on her behalf when their first child was born 3 years ago, but the time it had arrived it was too small. They are going to use at the new babies 'going home' from hospital outfit. It makes me happy.
I'm also ending this week with a migraine, week 2 of constant headache.
Day 55
I had a medical emergency in work, initially dealt with on my own, physically and mentally exhausting which lead to me seeking help and support outside of work hours to process. It was a good outcome. All was ok and it helped me see in a positive light that not all medical emergencies end badly.
Day 56
New hair, new glasses. As Peter says just a replacement of the same. Work was ok. My expectations of life are too high, I need to lower them. We’ve been watching Unforgotten whilst eating dinner. Bath, read some of my book and bed.
Day 57
Got to love a rainbow, didn’t love the rain that proceeded it, I was drenched walking back from the art block. Had a whole lesson to plan some GCSE exam questions for unseen poetry and Lord of the Rings and I managed a hot cup of tea and got the students hot chocolate mugs washed up. Coffee after work with friend. Home for cheese on toast, blogging, tv, bath and bed.
Day 58
Drowning my sorrows in a bubble bath. No chocolate in the house and can’t drink alcohol, still got a migraine. 13th day of it. Job contract not likely to be renewed due to budget cuts. Met Peter for coffee after work and evening spent job hunting. Grateful I don’t rely on the income and have time to look for the right job.
Day 59
Quiet day in work and chance to catch up with some paperwork, emails and a tidy up. Home to wallow and reflect on the week. I’m really struggling with losing Stephanie, we both are. We just can’t find the right words or any support. It feels like Stephanie’s life only had value to us, it hurts so much that we’re the only ones grieving like this. I attempted to take a picture of all the planets, could only see Venus earlier, I like the photo of the stars, they look so pretty.
Day 60Met mum in Gloucester for a day of shopping, then took her to visit the newest member of the family, our grandson almost 3 weeks old. Home around 7pm for dinner. Put the van on charge and chilled out. Ramadan Mubarak.
Day 61
I’ve come out for coffee and a break. Day spent rearranging the house. Desk out of lounge into dining room and dresser upstairs into main bedroom. Peter now cutting top off dresser as I didn’t measure properly, then home to tidy bedroom so we can go to bed tonight. Lounge and dining room and everything that now needs re-homing will get done in the week.
Something to make you smile?
I can't park the car. I'm not used to driving such a small vehicle. You could fit another vehicle in the space I left here. I was convinvced I was about to hit the wall. When I parallel park, I need a plank to reach the curb, I'm so far away.
Things that made me happy this week:
Croc boots, Ramadan countdown to Eid Mubarak calendar, new book all from mum. Flowers from Peter, just because. Finally found Grandsons Paw Patrol cake mix. Sighting of Ramadan moon (photo rubbish)
One cheques has been issued in the right name for Stephanie's TV licence refund, still waiting for this one to be re-issued, it was sent after she died, lord knows where they think we'll be paying it into.
On the blog this week:
I don't think anyone realises how medical emergencies can affect people. I would have loved to be a paramedic but after dealing with a couple at work, not sure it would be for me. Glad there was a good outcome and sorry to hear about your job. Congratulations on your new grandson x
ReplyDeleteWork certainly don't realise how much it affected me, despite me telling them, although my line manager is brilliant
DeleteSounds like it's been a hard week in places. Good you've got the support available to call on when needed. Good luck with the job search. Hope the room rearrangements were all sorted in the end. N's obsessed with changing his room around, but the rest we just leave as is.
ReplyDeleteRoom arrangements still in process, it's a long job
DeleteSounds like a really hard time for you - I am not sure if you have too high of an expectation at life. It's okay to want more!
ReplyDeleteI'm not expecting anything about life, I'm just trying to navigate my way through it at the moment
DeleteSending love and hugs and well done for coping well with a medical emergency and then seeking the help that you needed. I am so sorry that your contract might not be renewed in September but a change sounds good. Aww! How lovely that Child 4's little one will be going home in an outfit that Stephanie's carers had sent on her behalf.
ReplyDeleteWhat a pretty rainbow, shame about the rain! I tried looking for the planets but could only see Venus too! There were so many stars though.
Thank you. I've to an interview on Friday. The skies have been very interesting recently
DeleteThe medical emergency sounds scary, it's really good that you reached outafterwards for some help. I think taking these things through with an outside party is really helpful.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear about your job, I think something much better is on the horizon for you.
I love the rainbow picture and the one of the stars, both are beautiful.
Good luck with the job search and I hope those migraines leave you alone soon.
Thank you, I have a job interview next week
DeleteI am sorry to hear both about the medical issues you've had and about your job. I can only hope that you are feeling better now.
ReplyDeleteThank you
DeleteAnother stressful week for you, sorry to hear about the medical emergency. Reaching out and getting a positive outcome though is valuable. It's little things like Stephanie's gift, now passed onto a new baby, that keep us going in tough times.
ReplyDeleteWhat a bummer re contract not being renewed, hope you'll be able to find something similar.
I haven't see a rainbow this year so far, it's always such a joy.
I was really happy to hear they'd found Stephanie's gift and can use it for the new baby
DeleteA huge well done to you for managing to cope with the medical emergency at work while it was happening. I am not surprised you fell apart afterwards – what a hugely difficult thing to cope with. I’m glad you were able to seek support afterwards and that it did have a positive outcome. Sorry to hear that your contract at school is unlikely to be renewed. That’s lovely that Child 4 is planning to use the outfit Stephanie’s carers sent on her behalf as the ‘going home from hospital’ outfit for the new baby. What a beautiful rainbow – not so good you got drenched just before though! I’m sorry that things are so hard for you right now with your grief at losing Stephanie. It is such a huge thing to try to live with and finding the right words and support can be so hard. I don’t know if you’ve looked at Compassionate Friends at all – they offer peer support for bereaved parents and I know a lot of other bereaved parents who have found their support helpful although it wasn’t something that we used much as we had other avenues of support that worked better for us. It's something that might be worth looking into though if you are looking for more support. Hope your migraine is better now. Sending much love your way x
ReplyDeleteThank you Louise for your support and welcomed advice. I will look into Compassionate Friends. The greatest support we've had has been online from people like yourselves.
ReplyDelete