I'm NOT the British Ambassador to Dubai

I live in Dubai, I'm an expat, my husband works abroad and I trail behind him, willingly. It's boring, it's too hot and I don't like it, but that doesn't mean I'm unhappy with my lot in life.

After 5 years as an expat, 4 in South Africa, I've just about finished reinventing myself as a SAH, who, for a hobby blogs, surfs the internet, explores the neighbourhood, attends coffee mornings, has adjusted to the kids leaving home, is making new friends and maintaining relationships with those in the UK and South Africa and visiting new friends in Canada and in Dubai that I've met online.

I get asked often what I do for a living to which I reply 'I don't work, I just travel and I represent Dubai in informing the world what it's really like to live here'.

Only joking, well the last part anyway, but it sure feels like it sometimes and I have actually googled 'advisors for Dubai' employment.

I wrote before about the myths and realities of living in Dubai when we first arrived, but it doesn't matter how many times I tell people this isn't Saudi Arabia, I still get questioned about my life here in regards to my freedom.

Here I am yesterday evening. I'm lying in bed under the air con as it's just too hot and I've been working outside in the garden. I went out to the shops on my own this morning, I drove the car by myself and I was wearing this top with bare arms and not wearing a head cover. I'm also drinking a bottle of Smirnoff Ice that I purchased at the off licence over the road, next door to the coffee shop and tonight for dinner we are having pork sausages that were purchased in the supermarket.

Dubai is boring because I don't have a job nor am I interested in group hobbies, I spend all day on my own with the dog and cat while hubby is at work and it's starting to grow on me, my time alone. I have numerous projects on the go, travel planned and visitors booked.

Dubai is too hot.....fact. It's great for a holiday and no matter how much you tell me you'd love the sun, let me equate to you what it's like just sitting still, then tell me how you'd cope walking the dog, doing the food shop, cleaning the house.

Go sit in front of the oven with the door open and ask someone to hold a hair dryer on hot to the back of your neck. now boil the kettle let it cool to 46c and then take a cool shower or have a cold refreshing drink in that temperature water.

Dubai is a city, I'm not a city girl, I like to visit but I prefer the countryside or seaside to live at. I like open space and peace and quiet, it is full of tourists all year round and when I want to pop out for a carton of milk, I don't want to have to fight for a parking space or get swept along with the masses and bashed on the head with a selfie stick.

I'm looking forward to winter so I can get out on the beach, explore the souks more, walk the dog during daylight hours, spend more time in the garden and drive further afield to explore the other Emirates.

We've been in Dubai now since December 2014. We've had Christmas, Easter and now the shops are full of Halloween decorations and costumes.

There are Christian Churches in Dubai, in fact all religions are welcome in Dubai and are represented, you're just not allowed to preach in public or advertise religious events, but that rule coves EVERY religion

We've taken part in Ramadan joining in with Iftar and Eid ul Fitr the day marking the end and Eid al Adha the festival of sacrifice.

There are lots of myths about the way foreigners are treated and rumours that if you're involved in a car crash with another Emirate that you will automatically get the blame, but then in South Africa they said if you got stopped by the police over there you just bribed them, but I never met a South African who had actually done that either.

Dubai is fair and equal, the same rules and laws apply to everyone, with the only difference being that if you are a foreigner and commit a crime, you will be deported after conviction and serving your time.

The media in Dubai report on all crimes and outcomes regardless of your nationality and crime, whether it is rape, murder, theft, drink driving, smuggling drugs, you'll see no one from any nationality is excluded from prosecution or from the reporting.

What happened to my accent?

I've never been to Canada or Australia, but I've been asked on many occasions when travelling if I'm from either of those 2 countries.

I live in South Africa and in my 4th year here. Despite coming from the UK where you can travel 20 miles and hear different accents, I've never really picked one up. I have a fairly neutral accent with hints of my roots, South Wales, The Midlands, Yorkshire and the South West.

I do have a tendency to slip into a Welsh accent when I've had a few too many drinks and I use many Welsh words such as 'like' 'tidy' and 'O'

Living in South Africa there aren't many British voices around here, in fact I only know a handful of British people here.

At least once a week and sometimes more often, I'm asked where I'm from. I reply England. It's met with 'I love your accent, say something to me' On one occasion when Hubby said he was from England a woman in the shop asked him to talk like Jamie Oliver and say 'pukka, pukka' We gave up explaining that hubby was from Manchester and not the London.

On a recent trip to the UK, travelling on buses, coaches, trains and on foot, with a suit case and handbag, fellow travellers asked me if I was off somewhere nice, when I said I was visiting the UK they responded with 'are you Canadian/Australian?'

I guess the lack of regional British accents has neutralised me even more.

The British have messy houses

When we first arrived in South Africa my then 15yo son returned from his first week in school and said a teacher had stated that 'the British have messy houses' my first thought was what right does she have to make judgement like that. My sons reply to the teacher was that 'the British don't employ maids to pick up after them' We don't employ a maid either.

The teacher was welcoming the kids to their new year in school and was going through some 'house keeping' rules. She wanted the kids to treat the classroom as they would their home, keep it clean and tidy.

During my recent tour of the UK around family and friends I've been met at every door with a hug and 'lovely to see you, you look well, come in, kettle is on, let me help you with those bags and please excuse the mess'

Every house I've visited either has kids in it or building work, redecorating etc going on, or a combination of both.

Without meaning to cause any offence, yes British houses are messy, not dirty, just full of clutter, stuff, things and not a maid in sight. They are like this because British houses are smaller than South African ones, smaller rooms, less space for storage, they are like this because there isn't a maid running around behind them, cleaning up.

It's not just the space that helps keeping a house tidy, it's not having kids living at home.

When does an assumption become racism?

As a visitor in South Africa, despite being in my 4^th year of living here, there are many things I still do not understand.

I understand racism; I spent 2 years working for The FA in Child Welfare and on the RESPECT campaign. I dealt with issues of racism on a professional level.

I’ve been at the receiving end of racist abuse; I ended up with a cut forehead as a result. I was British, he was an Afrikaner. He objected to me being in his country, because I was British. We were both white, we both lived in the same estate.

But what is racism? Is it an assumption? Is it the use of the word ALL? Is it when you call someone black/white/coloured/foreign/immigrant? Or is it when those words and many more are used to describe something negative?

If anyone wants to challenge me on this blog post, please feel free to do so, but nicely. I can reference this if you want, but it’s a blog post NOT an essay.

There are many assumptions I’ve heard since I’ve been in SA, let me list you a few, but please understand, these are not my views. These are assumptions I’ve heard from South Africans white and black, South Africans living in the UK and people from other countries.

All black people will rob/rape/hijack/murder you

All black people are uneducated

All black people live in poverty

All black people work in the service industry.

All black people live in shacks

All black government officials are corrupt

All white people live in security estates

All white people are rich

All white people live in fear of being robbed/raped/hijacked/murdered

All white people if they own a dog will set it on a black person

All Afrikaners hate the English

It makes me sad to hear these things being said, it makes me sad that people have such a view of South Africa.

Maybe some of these assumptions are correct in the minds of some people through personal experiences, from experiences of family and friends. But if you are hijacked by a black person, what right do you have to say ‘ALL BLACK’ if you are unable to express a want to a black person because the language you speak isn’t understood, what right do you have to assume all black people are thick and therefore uneducated.

We live in a security estate. The house at the bottom of the garden, to the left is owned by a black family. Two years ago he was murdered in a hijacking.

The house a few doors down was robbed at gunpoint by a white man.

A black man at a place I volunteer at held a gun to the head of another black man during an armed robbery.

We had a white maid when we first moved here; the cost of a cleaner was included in the rent.

There are white people serving in restaurants, white people begging on the sides of the roads, white people living in areas I volunteer in, in townships.

Today I visited Maropeng at The Cradle of Humankind. I asked at the security, a black man, if I could bring my dog in with me I just wanted to have a coffee and use the toilet. I was told it was OK to go in. As I walked into the open space with Bob on a short lead, black people scattered, quite literally. I tied Bob to a pole and ordered coffee; people were looking at him and me. As I drank my coffee a white woman, who was visiting, petted Bob a white child said ‘look doggy’ After a few minutes a black man who introduced himself as Head of Operations told me there was some concern over my dog being there and I would have to leave. I told him that I’d already checked with security and that when I finished my coffee I would leave. I was watched the entire time, Bob sat quietly, no visitor complained, no visitor looked at me any differently. I was openly watched the entire time and made to feel very uncomfortable.

As I left with Bob on a short lead, close I passed near a black woman who was at least 10ft from me and not in the direction I was walking, swung her legs round to the other side of the bench and said ‘you won’t let your dog bite me will you?’ the car park attendant ran back into his hut and I returned to my car, very upset that people could have these thoughts about me and my dog, think that’d a) I’d take a dangerous dog out in public and b) think I’d let him lose on them and order him to attack.

This isn’t the first time I’ve had this reaction, it occurs almost every time I walk Bob around the estate especially in the mornings or going home time for the maids and the gardeners.

So can I make the assumption that ALL black people are afraid of dogs? Or is it that ALL black people assume that ALL white people will set their dogs on black people?

Our gardener is black; he isn’t frightened of the dog. Our ironing guy is black; he walks the dog and feeds him if we are away overnight. The Gardener is from Zambia; the ironing guy is from Malawi. The black woman on the campsite with her caravan and Toyota Fortuner said ‘your baby came looking for you, I gave him a biscuit, while you were in the toilet, such a lovely dog’

My friends here are black/white/English/Afrikaners. We are friends because we share common interests/experiences/views/beliefs. Not because of where they come from, not because the colour of their skin.

What do you think? Do you have experience of racism, based on the previous actions of others that now put you in a category where you must be feared?