When does an assumption become racism?

As a visitor in South Africa, despite being in my 4^th year of living here, there are many things I still do not understand.

I understand racism; I spent 2 years working for The FA in Child Welfare and on the RESPECT campaign. I dealt with issues of racism on a professional level.

I’ve been at the receiving end of racist abuse; I ended up with a cut forehead as a result. I was British, he was an Afrikaner. He objected to me being in his country, because I was British. We were both white, we both lived in the same estate.

But what is racism? Is it an assumption? Is it the use of the word ALL? Is it when you call someone black/white/coloured/foreign/immigrant? Or is it when those words and many more are used to describe something negative?

If anyone wants to challenge me on this blog post, please feel free to do so, but nicely. I can reference this if you want, but it’s a blog post NOT an essay.

There are many assumptions I’ve heard since I’ve been in SA, let me list you a few, but please understand, these are not my views. These are assumptions I’ve heard from South Africans white and black, South Africans living in the UK and people from other countries.

All black people will rob/rape/hijack/murder you

All black people are uneducated

All black people live in poverty

All black people work in the service industry.

All black people live in shacks

All black government officials are corrupt

All white people live in security estates

All white people are rich

All white people live in fear of being robbed/raped/hijacked/murdered

All white people if they own a dog will set it on a black person

All Afrikaners hate the English

It makes me sad to hear these things being said, it makes me sad that people have such a view of South Africa.

Maybe some of these assumptions are correct in the minds of some people through personal experiences, from experiences of family and friends. But if you are hijacked by a black person, what right do you have to say ‘ALL BLACK’ if you are unable to express a want to a black person because the language you speak isn’t understood, what right do you have to assume all black people are thick and therefore uneducated.

We live in a security estate. The house at the bottom of the garden, to the left is owned by a black family. Two years ago he was murdered in a hijacking.

The house a few doors down was robbed at gunpoint by a white man.

A black man at a place I volunteer at held a gun to the head of another black man during an armed robbery.

We had a white maid when we first moved here; the cost of a cleaner was included in the rent.

There are white people serving in restaurants, white people begging on the sides of the roads, white people living in areas I volunteer in, in townships.

Today I visited Maropeng at The Cradle of Humankind. I asked at the security, a black man, if I could bring my dog in with me I just wanted to have a coffee and use the toilet. I was told it was OK to go in. As I walked into the open space with Bob on a short lead, black people scattered, quite literally. I tied Bob to a pole and ordered coffee; people were looking at him and me. As I drank my coffee a white woman, who was visiting, petted Bob a white child said ‘look doggy’ After a few minutes a black man who introduced himself as Head of Operations told me there was some concern over my dog being there and I would have to leave. I told him that I’d already checked with security and that when I finished my coffee I would leave. I was watched the entire time, Bob sat quietly, no visitor complained, no visitor looked at me any differently. I was openly watched the entire time and made to feel very uncomfortable.

As I left with Bob on a short lead, close I passed near a black woman who was at least 10ft from me and not in the direction I was walking, swung her legs round to the other side of the bench and said ‘you won’t let your dog bite me will you?’ the car park attendant ran back into his hut and I returned to my car, very upset that people could have these thoughts about me and my dog, think that’d a) I’d take a dangerous dog out in public and b) think I’d let him lose on them and order him to attack.

This isn’t the first time I’ve had this reaction, it occurs almost every time I walk Bob around the estate especially in the mornings or going home time for the maids and the gardeners.

So can I make the assumption that ALL black people are afraid of dogs? Or is it that ALL black people assume that ALL white people will set their dogs on black people?

Our gardener is black; he isn’t frightened of the dog. Our ironing guy is black; he walks the dog and feeds him if we are away overnight. The Gardener is from Zambia; the ironing guy is from Malawi. The black woman on the campsite with her caravan and Toyota Fortuner said ‘your baby came looking for you, I gave him a biscuit, while you were in the toilet, such a lovely dog’

My friends here are black/white/English/Afrikaners. We are friends because we share common interests/experiences/views/beliefs. Not because of where they come from, not because the colour of their skin.

What do you think? Do you have experience of racism, based on the previous actions of others that now put you in a category where you must be feared?

Would you say half these things if you weren't hiding behind the internet?

I hate how people hide behind 'no offence...but' 'i'm not a racist...but' and many more and how people think they can say '140 characters hasn't expressed what I was trying to say, I didn't mean it like that' as an excuse...well start a blog or tweet 1/3 etc.

I've noticed over the last few weeks how nasty things are becoming on twitter.

I find it really sad that people think because they hide behind a screen, a cartoon character and an alias that they can say what they like, when they like.

OK fair enough if someone posts a direct racist, sexual (there have been many more) comment, but not call you a Nazi or Stalin because they don't agree with your opinion or even worse a racist...becuase again they don't like the comment you made on their original tweet.

Football is a heated discusion at the best of times...it is a game of opinion and unfortunalty, your oprion doesn't count, unless you happen to be the referee.

At the Champions League Final I tweeted that it would be nice if The FA would teach the players to sing the national anthem when it was played in their country or the country in which you played.

Striaght away I got involved in a debate...'yeah but half the players are foreigners, why should they sing the English national anthem' my response... 'oops sorry, should've said the English players at least' there were many more amusing and interesting comments, lots in agreement, and the friendly banter ensued...isn't this what twitter is for?

But one tweeter took it too far and said to my original tweet 'no offence, as I said earlier, half the stadium full of nazis, the other half German' and also called me Stalin for forcing people to sing the national anthem of my country and not their own...well I'm Welsh and I sing it as she is the Queen of the UK, despite Wales is another country and I live in South Africa and make an effort to join in with the English sung bits.

The second example of such nastiness occured this weekend.

Someone posted a comment 'when you are a strong woman, proud gay person or a conscious black person is when you see how truly sexist, homophobic or racist people are'

I didn't disagree with her I replied 'you don't have to be any of those to witness it at all'

Her reply was 'you do to truly understand it'

I then replied as a strong woman, proud straight person and a conscious white person, with 'how about being a victim of physical racial abuse for being English in South Africa as I was by someone the same colour as me'

She replied with 'I hate this kind of discussion for reasons that can't be expressed in 140 characters. I don't think that's comparable'

I wasn't trying to make a comparisson, I was explaining to her that I do understand what it's like and you don't have to be female, gay or black to witness discrimination.

In the meantime she tweeted to the person who thought they should apologise for my 'attack' 'I know you'd never send twats my way deliberately!! She saw what she wanted to see' and ' Love that as sson as I start tweeting opinions it takes less than quarter of an hour for an idiot to appear again'

A Twat???? an idiot???? who the hell does she think she is? she tweets a statement and if someone supports it and gives another example of how it affects everyone regardless of sexual orientation, colour of skin or sex...they are a twat...I think not.

But then 'and if another white person attacks you how the hell is that racism?! Look the word up. And also grow up'

but then she tweets in the main timeline '.@chickenruby was attacked by another white person in SA for being English. This is why she thinks I should acknowledge black2white racism??'

At this point I google her, she's a comedian...with a few links to some guest appearances she's made on the telly, hence the large number of followers...but can someone explain to me where she got the bit about me trying to get her to acknowledge 'black2white' racism and what right she has to call me a twat? an idiot?

I didn't disagree with her I just said that racism isn't just about her.

Labelling people

A few days ago I wrote a post on Do labels help? Children with difficulties. You can read it here.

It prompted some lively debate on twttier and attracted some interesting comments on the post itself.

I've been giving quite a lot of thought to this subject and wondered why we give labels? and not just in cases where a correct diagnosis and labelling can support an individual with medical, physical, finacial and education needs.

23 years ago I started my working life with The Spastic Society...'you can't call it that. it's derogatory to people with Cerabel Palsy, lets change it's name to SCOPE' good move for 2 reasons, people still call one another 'spastics, spazzies' I've challenged many child in my teaching as to what they mean by using that word and how it can offend others.

But who decides on the label, why do we need to put ourselves and others in categories?

Gypo, Pikey, Gay, Lesbo and many, many others are used as an insult, used often to describe someones beahviour at a moment in time and usually rarely aimed at the group of society that 'own' that label.

So it made me think about what label(s) I have, whether they are right or wrong, this is what I think I am, going back to when I was born.

White British
Daughter
Sister
Future Olympic gymnast
Friend
Student
Employee
Lover
Partner
Unmarried Mother
Mum
Married
Aunt
Divorcee
Lover
Married
Teacher
Volunteer
Fundraiser
Child Welfare Officer
SAHM

Now obviously some of these labels remain unchanged, I'm still someones daughter, sister, aunt, wife and Mother and other labels such as friend come and go.

I missed one label out on purpose as I don't know where it happened in life but it's probably the only label that is me, where I didn't make a choice, where it just happened, but it's not a label I ever use to define myself, that makes up my identity and that's 'Straight', nor do I use the term 'non disabled or enabled'

You read through my list of lables and at various times in my life you can use those labels to judge me, based on your experiences, based on your social norms and values.

You picture me as a little girl, who loves her gymnastics, but where did it all go wrong? I was a single mum, how old? ah well probably in her teens, married out of lonliness, divorced soon after, had an affair, married someone rich, that's how she was able to give up work and retrain as a teacher'.But you'd be right and you'd be wrong. That's just a few of the assumptions people have made of me because of my labels

What made me a SAHM? being an expat, that's all, plain and simple.

Unless you've met me you'll not know me, you read my tweets, you make judgements on the written word, you put me into categories and label me....but that's life, I do it to you also.

So what labels do you give yourself? What have you been labelled as? Do labels really help you? or Do they hold you back?


Don't forget to read the post first on labelling learning difficulties as this post is more generic.

The forgotten expat children

My children are not angels, I acknowledge and can point out their faults just as quick as you can.

If you've followed me for a while on here and twitter, prior to us moving to South Africa, you'll know the hassles we've had with them at school, fights, ex partners criticising how we've raised 5 kids, disability, being a step mum etc.

When my kids get into petty squabbles I tell them to toughen up and walk away. Life is crap sometimes, just picture the other child in 5yrs times asking you 'do you want fries with that?'

But if my children are wronged then lord help you, I will not take it sitting down.

Today my pre teen (he's 13 next month) comes out of school in a right state, he's struggling to breathe through the tears. He won't tell me what is wrong so I go into school with him.

I speak to the head who knows nothing about this other than my son has been sent to her for bullying another child.

Except my son wasn't bullying, my son retaliated to a years worth of verbal abuse of being told to go back to his own country, as a pom he's not welcome here. Both kids have been subjected to this and hubby was verbally abused after defending me when a guy smacked me in the face with a block of ice, drawing blood, just because I was English.

It's plain and simple racism.

Unfortunately the boy my son retaliated against hadn't racially abused him, just accused him of wiping a bogey on his school book and told on my son who was given 2 defaults for disturbing the lesson, he hadn't done that and objected and was given another 3 defaults for arguing. He called the other boy gay, not as in homosexual, just gay in the way lots of kids use the word. Whether it's right or not, that's what kids do. Except this child went home and told his mum that my son had called him names, but he didn't tell his mum he was called gay, he told his mum that my son called him a 'fucking wanker'

So the parent comes into school and complains that my son is bullying her son and my son must be punished, so further sanctions are given and hence my son coming out of school in floods of tears.

I start off calmly with the head, how dare the school accept the word of one child and his mother, label my son as a bully, my son admits calling the other boy gay as he'd got him into trouble, the school issue sanctions and my child does not have the right to reply and neither am I informed, which is completely out of order.

And then it all comes out, the bullying, the name calling, the prefect who calls him 'Oi English boy' and puts him on litter duty for no reason. The teachers who issue sanctions to my son, but let the other child off for the same offence.

Last week I approached the school as I was fed up with endless sanctions against both boys, my youngest is dyslexic but he's just told he's lazy, the teachers who ambush me to tell me their lack of historical and geographical knowledge of South Africa is dire, the way my children write, spell is atrocious, they have no idea of the UK education system, yet expect my children to relearn everything their way in a year.

My son sees a councillor. He's labelled manipulative, which I don't disagree with, he passes the blame to deflect any trouble from him, but he does not cry.

We initially found the following incident funny but in retrospect it's not.

First day back of term the English teacher told my eldest class that she wanted her classroom to be treated like they treated their homes, keep it clean and tidy, adding unlike these British people who have messy, dirty homes.

At this my son puts his hand up and says 'miss, I'm British, my home isn't messy or dirty and we don't have a maid to tidy up behind us'

I guess I've ignored my children's adaptation to living in a foreign country, they made friends very quickly, joined all the clubs in and out of school, get invited to all the parties and the girls love their accents. I though they were OK.

I spent the first few months focusing on them leaving their dad and massive family full of aunts, uncles and cousins in the UK and the last few months have been all about me and how difficult I've been finding things.

Well no more, I'm their mum, it's time to buck my ideas up and turn my attention to my expat kids.