I've not smiled in a long time

I'm not an unhappy person.

I'm not a sad person.

I am an angry person.

I am an upset person.

I feel let down.

Let down by this whole move to South Africa, the non exsistant support from hubbies company, despite the promises. Finding a house, setting up bills, opening bank accounts etc, etc, etc. Living in a dnagerous country. Then there was the problems with school, the refusal to acknowledge sons dyslexia, the subsequent house move, the emergency trip to the UK when my dad had a heart attack (one week after we moved) the lack of friends, the boredom, the lonliness, the medical aid.

I put a positive spin on things, I look on the bright side of life, but I do have a habit of letting things get to me, wind me up, make me shout. I also enjoy the good things about living here, a recent trip to Kruger National Park, the markets, the volunteering, being able to afford for my son to learn to drive.

I wrote two posts recently about being ill, about everything getting on top of me, about going to the Doctors and asking for help, about being prescribed anti depressents.

Yesterday I went for my 4 week review of the anti depressents and I told the Doctor I didn't think the medication was working. I said my life had been stress free for the past 4 weeks, no trauma, no hassles, no bills to query, no illness.

Of course everyone says that don't they? They've got better all by themselves, things are good, on the up, they don't need tablets any more. I understand that and perhaps I just feel better equipped to deal with things, to be more cheerful and positive about stuff.

But the one thing that reminded me that the tablets are helping is the fact that when I walked into the surgery, the Doctor said 'I've not seen you smile before'